mirror of
https://github.com/Xevion/the-office.git
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1367 lines
47 KiB
XML
1367 lines
47 KiB
XML
<SceneList>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
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<Text>Yesterday, Angela may or may not have figured out that I'm having an affair with her husband. So I just have to wait and see. When she comes in, if she's cold and awkward and cruel to me, then great, it's business as usual.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
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<Text>Good morning. [clears throat]</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>Oscar... [sighs] can I ask you a question?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
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<Text>[whispering] Of course, ask me a que- questions.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>Is it cool in here to you?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
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<Text>[hoarsely] Yes, a little bit. [normal voice] Yes.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>I think the thermostat is acting up again.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
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<Text>It's the stupid thermostat! That thing is a catastrophe. So I'm gonna, um, on your suggestion, get someone to fix it. I'll just go downstairs.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>Thank you.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
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<Text>No, thank you, Angela.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
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<Text>She doesn't know. I shouldn't be surprised. This is a woman who married a man who is obviously a homosexual. Basically, she has her head in the sand. In a way I feel sorry for her. I guess the universe rewards true love.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>Well, well, well, it's finally happened. Pam has ceased caring.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>These are my painting clothes.I think I'm gonna do it. I am really gonna start painting the warehouse mural today. [Jim applauds]</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Meredith</Speaker>
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<Text>Sure you don't want to put another coat of primer on that Pam?Queen of the primer, that one.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>You got this, Beesley. Actually, do you want me to come down and help you get started?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Are you avoiding your phone call?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>What? Yeah, right. As if.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Today I will be asking David Wallace if I can start working part-time, because the sports marketing company that I started really needs me to be there.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Last week Jim wasn't there, and they named the company Athlead.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>I could have prevented that. So I have to talk to Wallace.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Tell them your opening line.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>[sighs] Hey David, how would you like a guy who's not here as much, gets paid the same amount of salary, and has bigger fish to fry in Philadelphia?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>I think it's good. He likes fishing.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>This is gonna be awful.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
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<Text>One of my jobs is to input customer complaints into the computer. And when they're in, I fill out one of these cards. But the information's already on the computer, so....why am I filling out the card? I asked Andy, and he told me to "chillax," and then went away on a big, long boat ride. So here we are. Don't give me a pointless office chore, because I will build a little paper house. Fight the power.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>Meet me in the old place, five minutes. I need you.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>[upon seeing Dwight naked] Ugh!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>Come on in, the water's fine.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>Dwight, it's not that kind of meeting. Put your clothes back on.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>I know. That's not why I'm naked. I always work out without my clothes. [does jumping jacks]</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>Just put them on! Put on your clothes. I need your help. I need someone who can operate outside of the law. Ugh.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>Oh, I'm sorry, your vigilante privileges ended when you broke up with me. If I'm not in your panties, I don't go vigilantes. Why don't you ask your husband?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>My marriage is in danger. I don't know who I can trust. I need someone to be there for me.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>[sighs] All right, what are we talking? Surveillance, wire-tapping?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text> Something like that.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>Yeah, the less I know, the better. I know just the guy. He was a volunteer sheriff too. Kicked off the force.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>Can you arrange a meeting?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>I can try. I'm gonna use SMS text.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>Okay.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>Text went through.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>Okay.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>All we can do is sit and wait.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>Okay.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>[phone vibrates] Oh, look at that. Yeah, he's free anytime. Not a problem.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>I mean, I can handle any client issues from Philly.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>David</Speaker>
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<Text>[on phone] Yeah, but I really need someone in the office. If there's a crisis -- the more I think about it --</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Oh, you mean handle it in person. Oh, well, Phyllis and Stanley have agree to cover for me while I'm gone.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>David</Speaker>
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<Text>They did?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Yep.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>David</Speaker>
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<Text>Oh, okay. Well, that is different. In that case, yes- Maybe this can work.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Oh, great.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
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<Text>Why should we help you?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Because we're friends.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
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<Text>When is my birthday?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Unfair. When's my birthday?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
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<Text>I don't know, because we're not friends.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>How about this- You let me take you to lunch, and I make my case?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
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<Text>Now we're talkin'.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>All right.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
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<Text>Yeah.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
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<Text>Make it go taller.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
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<Text>That's the idea.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
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<Text>No, not taller this way, taller this way. [gesturing with hands]</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
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<Text>Well, I've gotta build a wider base first before I can go higher.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
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<Text>You're not getting this, Peter. Make it go wider... up!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
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<Text>Will do.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
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<Text>[entering] What are y'all doing?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
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<Text>Me and Pete are building a tower.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
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<Text>Cool. It should be taller though, right?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
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<Text>Obviously. He's a sweet kid, Darryl. But he's not the sharpest guy in the drawer.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
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<Text>Kevin, I can hear you.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
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<Text>Huh?</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>Ow! Dwight! Ow!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>Get in the van.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>God!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
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<Text>Is it safe to talk?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>Well, this documentary crew has been following our every move for the past nine years, but I don't see them so I think we're good.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>So what are your credentials?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
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<Text>I started following people around to get exercise. Turns out, I'm damn good at it.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>Do you have a gun?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>[snickers] Does he own a gun? Show her.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
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<Text>You tell me.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>What is this?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
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<Text>It's the receipt for my gun.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>You don't carry it with you?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
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<Text>Read the receipt. That's a $300 gun. Someone could steal it.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>Do you have any idea how many guns Trevor's had stolen from him?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
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<Text>Now I keep it in a safe.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>Mm-hmm. Good safe?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
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<Text>Oh, you tell me. [shows Dwight receipt]</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>Wow!</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>[studying mural wall] I guess if I make a mistake, I can just paint over it with a shrub or something. It's just, I think less of paintings with a lot of shrubs. So, I'm gonna limit myself to one shrub.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Hide</Speaker>
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<Text>You paint wall now?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Yeah. Painting now. I just want to make sure that...</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Hide</Speaker>
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<Text>You paint now.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>It's probably gonna be a few minutes. So you can just go back to doing whatever you were doing.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Hide</Speaker>
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<Text>I wait.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Meredith</Speaker>
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<Text>Sweet.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
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<Text>Yay!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
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<Text>That's what I'm talkin' about.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
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<Text>This next card comes to us thanks to Meredith Palmer, who called Eastern Pennsylvania Seminary a, quote 'sausage factory.'</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Meredith</Speaker>
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<Text>Oh OOOH!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Everyone</Speaker>
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<Text>[approving cheers]</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Meredith</Speaker>
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<Text>Boom!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
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<Text>Bang.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
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<Text>Yep, yep, yep.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
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<Text>All right. Up next we got a whole lotta Creed.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Creed</Speaker>
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<Text>Let's find out what I did.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
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<Text>All right.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>You get half now and half upon completion of said job.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
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<Text>And that's all off the books?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>Obviously.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
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<Text>Nice. No taxes.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>Okay, so everything you need to know about the target is in here.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
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<Text>So what's the job?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>Murder.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
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<Text>Okay, that's the big one. That's the big "M."</Text>
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|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You can't have someone murdered.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What if they deserved it?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What did they do to you, Angela?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>They're sleeping with my husband.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oh, Monkey. Oh, I feel for you.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>This seems a little crazy.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yes. Crazy. Thank you.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>But I think I'm up for it.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No! No!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Thank you.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Absolutely not. There are a lot of different ways to get revenge. I've had great success by defecating in a paper bag, put it on the porch-</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>That's very effective. I've been on the receiving end of that quite a few times. It's devastating.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No, no, no. It has to be physical. I want this person to suffer.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What about a knee-capping?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No! You're not helping, Trevor!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yes, a knee-capping could work.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No. Angela! What are you saying?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You said you would be there for me.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I'm trying, but what you're asking is-</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>It's the only thing that will make this right.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Okay. But it's cruel, because a woman with damaged knees can't scrub worth a damn.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>All right, then it's settled. One knee-capping. Now, the hit goes down at 4:00. Keep in mind, once I leave, there's no turning back.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You know, truth be told, I think all you'll really be doing is accepting calls from my clients while I'm gone.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>We've got all afternoon to talk about that.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Waiter</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Morning, folks.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I'll have the surf and turf with a side order of lobster.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Waiter</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Actually, the surf and turf does come with lob-</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Not enough lobster. Side order.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>How much wine do you have?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I brought you a cookie.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oh, thanks, Oscar. You're such an angel.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[talking into phone] I just gave her a cookie, and she called me an angel, so... yeah, we're good. Yeah. [exhales] We dodged a bullet, yes. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah- Well, I gotta go now, but- Okay, bye. Bye.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>There we go.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Everyone</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[cheers and applause]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Nicely done. Very nicely done. All right, this next one goes to Darryl for pocket dialing a customer while having sex.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Nellie</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oooohh... you salty dog.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Well, yeah, what can I say, a player's gotta play.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>There you go.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Actually, that was the sound of me eating spaghetti. But I'm gonna let them think the other thing.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Okay, I got this one.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Nellie</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oh, be careful! Be careful! Be careful</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No, I got it. Easy does it, everyone. Nobody even take a breath.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Everyone</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[shouting as tower collapses] Oh no! Kevin!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Nellie</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What did I just say? What did I just say?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Hey, hey, hey, it's just a mistake. Just a mistake. That's what this tower's all about -- mistakes. Okay, if you're afraid of screwing up, the tower's not for you. Show of hands -- who here has never had a complaint? That's right. Nobody. See that? Nobody. Okay? Let's get back to work, huh? Come on, you in?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yeah.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>There we go. All right, let's do it.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You know, at the end of the day, it's really only two days. I mean, I'll be back in the office. If you need me for an emergency, call me. I'll be there...</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You know what? I don't know where the years went. 'Cause sometimes when I look at my hands, I don't even recognize them.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Tell me about it.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Whose hands are these? [holding out her hands to Jim] Theyre not my hands. I don't know.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>All right. You know what? Maybe we'll just... We'll go slow.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No. Jim... [wine bottle clangs on plate]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>All right. Check it out.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Everyone</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[cheers and applause]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Like a Phoenix from the ashes. Ksshhhh!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Nice. Pretty soon, we're gonna be at the ceiling.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Whoo!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Can you hand me a card?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Um,. it's empty.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Nellie</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oh, come on. We could use a blank card.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Everyone</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No!!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Meredith</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>That's cheating.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I could get us a complaint.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Meredith</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You? Little Miss Priss? You wouldn't fart on a butterfly.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No, I wouldn't. I can't even relate to that impulse. But I bet I could get us a customer complaint. I'd like to try.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Nellie</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Hmm. Yeah. All right! Yea, go, Pam! Pam...</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Everyone</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[chanting] "Pam!"</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What? Why did you call me out here?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>The target- it's Oscar, isn't it? He and the senator are gaying each other.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I don't know what you're talking about.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Your nostrils tell a different story. They flare like that every time you're engaging in deception. Hello again, naughty nostrils.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Fine! It's Oscar. So what?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Well I could understand you wanting to get a stranger's knees whacked. But a co-worker- Dare I say, a friend?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Exactly, a friend. Someone who sits next to you year after year, making chitchat and smiling, and all the while running behind your back and defiling your marriage and seducing your husband.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I can't even imagine how painful this must be for you. But the first ones to break your marriage vows were you and me.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Well, you might be right. But it's too late now.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What do you mean?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>He's here.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No! No, no! [groans]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oscar? Oscar. Oscar, good. Hey come with me.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Come -- come with me.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What are you doing?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>There are a bunch of construction workers in the warehouse without their trousers, drinking diet sodas. You have got to see this. They're extraordinary.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Meredith</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yahtzee.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Sandwich delivery for Mr. Oscar Martinez.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I am Oscar Martinez.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No, not him, not him. Outside. Outside.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Wha- wh-</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You know, there's doughnuts in the break room.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Nice! Yeah.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Listen, I was really wondering if maybe we could lock this down before lunch is over.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Don't be pushy Jim. It's tacky.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>All right. Phyllis! Phyllis, that's- that's decorative.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No, there's wine in here.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Still decorative.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Is it white wine?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[to customer] Can you help me?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Don't- don't- don't pole people with knives.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[groaning while trying to open giant wine bottle] ha ha!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Phyllis! Wow.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Ooh, bring it over.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Got it.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>There's no time to explain. [descending stairs] Okay, actually, there is time to explain. When Angela found out that you seduced her husband, we hired a guy to break your knee caps.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oh, my God! What is wrong wiht you?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What is wrong with you? There are a million gorgeous guys in the Scranton Wilkes-Barre area, and you choose the man who's the father of her child?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I don't know what you're talking about.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oh, don't lie. I'm trying to save those precious knees you're always bragging about. Now, let's get out of here. He could be right behind us.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Aah! Actually, he's right in front of us.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Let's get it on. I'm gonna do this. I might- I might puke, but I'm gonna do this.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No, Trevor, I am not gonna let you. He's a Dunder-Mifflin man. He's my tribe.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I'm sorry, Dwight, but for once in my stupid, stupid life, I'm gonna follow through on something, all right? I have masculinity issues- Stop! No!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I got it.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Disarm!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You don't- [all three grunting]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Don't move. And disarm now! [Oscar gets weapon away from others]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Okay, okay, okay, okay.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No! No, Oscar. He's a friend. He's a friend.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Okay, the client is Heymont Brake and Tire. They're family-owned, but don't let that take away from your edge!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Nellie</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Come on, Pam, I know you can fail. I see failure in you.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Creed</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Remember, you're a scumbag, so you think scummy thoughts. Like this.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[into phone] Hello, this is Pam Halpert. I'm calling from Dunder-Mifflin. Yes, your paper provider. And I just called to say... your mama is so fat, when she wears red, people yell, "Hey, kool-aid." Yeah, your mama's fat. This is Pam Halpert.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Did she buy it?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Basically I couldn't tell, but I think...</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Nellie</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Were they angry?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I- I thought they were confused at least...</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Nellie</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Okay.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Description</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[phone rings]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Dunder Mifflin. This is Erin. Yes, you can. Okay. I will make sure that goes on file. [hangs up] Ladies and gentlemen, we just lost a client!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Everyone</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[cheering]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Nice. Nice.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Creed</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You did good. You did good.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>See ya later, Heymont.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Trevor</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>If you chase me, I will run so fast. If you catch me I will bite so hard. Got it? Good-bye, my friend.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What the hell, Dwight?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>See ya later, Trevor.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>you are incorrigible!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I just saved your life. You're welcome!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You hired someone to hit me with a pipe!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You deserved every bit of it! You made my husband gay.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What- what I did was wrong, and I have to live with that every day. But your husband is... gay. He was gay when you married him!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No. No.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Angela, until you face that, you're gonna be confused and angry for all the wrong reasons. But if you want to blame me for the whole thing, go ahead -- I won't stop you. Hit me. you have my blessing. Hit me.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Well are you gonna let go of it? Because part of the blame is definitely on you.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Angela, it's a lead freaking pipe.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>God! [kicks Oscar]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Aah!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You were supposed to be my friend.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I'm so sorry. Angela-</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oscar.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Our crowning complaint card comes to us thanks to Pamela Halpert...</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Everyone</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[cheers and applause]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>For insulting a client's recently deceased mother.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Nellie</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yes!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I did not know that.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Well, a woman who struggled with obesity all her life.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I'm so sorry.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Meredith</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Wow.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pete</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>yeah. That's- that is terrible.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Everyone</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[cheers and applause as Pete puts last card on tower]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You did it.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yeah!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I feel so stupid. I sit next to him every day.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You're not stupid. Jazz is stupid.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[crying] Jazz is stupid! I mean, just play the right notes!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I know. You're gonna be okay, Monkey.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I don't like your friend Trevor.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I don't like him either. And yet I really like him.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Well, we're here. Perfect. [covers sleeping Phyllis with his jacket]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>We're gonna cover for you, ya know.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[chuckles]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Phyllis, what was that?Phyllis are you dreaming, or-</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[laughing] I did enjoy grinding your beans, son.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[laughing] Yeah, we really did peel your grapes.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>This is hilarious, but we're gonna stop with all-</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Shuckin' your peas.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Shuckin' the peas. You should go back to the first part, though. You are gonna cover for me?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yeah.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Of course we are, Jimmy. We love you guys.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oh, my God, thank you. [hugging both] Thank you.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>If you're an artist, you have to be okay with the idea that you can't please everybody all the time.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Hide</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You paint very bad-</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Shut up, Hide! I mean, do you think Kevin cares what people think about him- or Creed or Meredith? Oh my gosh, these are my role models now. You know what? I'm okay with that.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Where does gayness come from? And how is it transmitted?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>That is- that is a loaded question.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>My pastor said it can come from breast feeding.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>He said that?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Well, he didn't fight me hard on it.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I- I don't know if there's truth to- to, uh, to that.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What is it called when two men intertwine their penises like the snakes on the medic-alert bracelet?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oh... uh...</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Is it called red-vining?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Is it called red-vining?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I don't...</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>We heard it was called red-vining.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>People red vine.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Where are gay mens' vaginas?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>They don't have vaginas.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No. They're just regular men.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>When two gay men have sex, how do they know whose penis will open up to accept the other person's penis?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Uh... wow....</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
</SceneList>
|