mirror of
https://github.com/Xevion/the-office.git
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917 lines
33 KiB
XML
917 lines
33 KiB
XML
<SceneList>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Kahlua Sombrero, please.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Waiter</Speaker>
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<Text>All right, so just you tonight?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Actually, I am meeting somebody, but I'm a little bit early. Leaving my company. After 19 years.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>I'll drink to that. I'm starting at a company this week.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Oh, really?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>To begginings and endings.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>And to middles, the unsung heroes. And to moms.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>The moms and the troops.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Do not tell my fiance I'm drinking on a Wednesday.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>[laughs] I won't... I don't know her.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>I'm moving out to the burbs... actually, I'm moving further than the burbs, I'm moving to Colorado.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>Colorado! The sunshine state.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Yep. Don't mess with Colorado.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>Doing some skiing?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>No, no. I don't want to end up like Sunny Bobo.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>Well that's just good sense right there. Everyone I know who skis is dead.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>You know, I would like to try the luge, through.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>Try it once, you're hooked. That's my guess.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>That's what I've heard.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>I'm an olympics nut.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Oh yeah? Me too. Summer or winter?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo/Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>[in unison] Summer!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>[holds out fist] Knuckles! Actually, I gotta come around and give you...</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>You know, it's funny, I tried to get an animal olympics going.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Really? What happened?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>You know, life happened. What are you gonna miss most about Scranton?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Oh... wow. The mountains. Where things are.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>That's the way it goes.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Man, he is late. I'm gonna call him. Do you mind? I'm sorry. [calls Deangelo, Deangelo's phone vibrates]</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>Excuse me. Hello? You running late?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>No, I'm here. I'm right... I'm at the bar.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>I'm at the bar too.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>You are? What bar?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>I'm at the bar. The bar that's located in the lobby of the hotel.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>I... do not see you.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>How long have you...</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>I'm been here about... gosh, over half an hour.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>Ok, me too.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo/Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>[looking up from phones in unison] Sorry...</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>What're you wearing?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>I am wearing a grey suit, red tie.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Are we both at the right place?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>Which place?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>I hear your voice.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>I hear your voice, I see your lips moving.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>I see your voice in the phone. Oh, man! [holds out hand] Michael Scott.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>Deangelo Vickers.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Wow... that is insane! [laughter]</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>That is insane, that is the right term. Let's get some Vodka up in this cranberry, and one for my friend.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>[entering Dunder Mifflin offices] Here we go! Are you ready?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>I am ready.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Alright! Here we go!</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>This is it. What do you think?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>Oh, she'll do. She'll do just fine.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>I am very much looking forward to tommorow. It feels like the culmanation of a lot of hard work, a lot of good fortune...</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>[pops up from below camera, and runs out of room]</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>Did that? Did that just happen?! [runs after Michael] We should.. we should write a movie or something! I'm serious!</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
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<Text>Michael is leaving. And apparently they've already hired a new manager. And we're meeting him today. It's a lot to process. Paperwork wise.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
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<Text>[wearing wig] Nope! It's not Ashton Kutcher. It's Kevin Malone! Equally handsome, equally smart! [winks]</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Ok, everyone, as you know, one of my favorite things is fanfare for it's own sake. So, without further ado, let's start clapping! Presenting Deangelo Vickers!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>[blinds roll down, Deangelo waving]</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Come on out!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>Hello! [opens door] How are you sir?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>I am well, sir, how are you?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>Can I just say, I am so excited to be working here. Little bit about myself, I love the American Southwest, for starters. You may call them Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah, I call them heaven. I have a peanut allergy, something I live with, it's a part of me. I've learned to cope with it. What else, I'm just as comfortable at the ball game as I am at the opera. I was a-</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>Did I want to be made manager? Sure. A great opportunity squandered? Absolutely. A crushing blow? Yes. Will I get over it? No. But life goes on. Not for me.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
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<Text>[drops papers as Deangelo walks by] I'll get that you guys. Don't... it's just... you know...</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>[picks up paper] I'll help you.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
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<Text>Oh, hi! [obviously flirting body language]</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>Hello!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
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<Text>Have we met before?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>No, not officially, actually, I saw you walking out of the bathroom before.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
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<Text>Well, I guess I'll go back to my cave. It was really great meeting you.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>[offers Kelly the papers as she walks away]</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
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<Text>And that is what you call a meet cute.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>And we talk for like 20 minutes, no clue it's Deangelo the whole time!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
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<Text>Kind of embarassing.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
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<Text>Yeah, that story makes you sound stupid.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>I happen to like the hilarious hijinx I get myself into. There he is! Deangelo, I was just telling them about last night, when we met. Remember that? That was crazy!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>Oh. [chuckles] That was... let's see, where's my replacement? Where's the guy I'm replacing? Why don't I look to the left? He's sitting right there! [office laughs]</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Oh yeah... I know... that's what I was just saying... that's what...</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>[silences Michael]</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
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<Text>That exact situation is why I always carry around some of these. [holds up 'Hello, my name is..,'] nametags. Just in case. Because sometimes you just need to I.D. yourself.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>[laughs] Office funny guy! Always glad to have an office funny guy around!</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
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<Text>I wasn't even trying to make a joke. But I guess I've always been sorta quirky, offbeat, a little twisted.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>This is Jim and Pam, aka Jap. What started as an affair has blossomed into a family before our eyes.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Well, it wasn't an affair.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Yes it was.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>But, no, but we are a family.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>[points to picture of Cecelia] We made that.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Cecelia.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>Well, congratulations. I have four kids of my own.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Really? Oh, my gosh! We just have the one, but she poops for four. [laughs]</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Uh oh. Someone started off on the right foot with the new boss!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Yeah, they don't ever talk about careers that were made because of unplanned pregnancies.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>Thanks for meeting me.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Are you kidding? I'd come anywhere to see a turtle? Where'd you find him.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>There's no turtle, Michael. I just wanted to get you here.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>You know me very well, Dwight.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>That's because I'm your right-hand man, Michael, but I can't do it again. I can't do it again for a whole new guy.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Now I'm gonna have to go online and look at turtles or I'll be off all day.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
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<Text>I want to be manager. I just don't understand why I wasn't even interviewed for the job. What's wrong? I was totally qualified, you were pushing for me.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Meredith</Speaker>
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<Text>That apple looks delic!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>I do a lot of portion control. I try to keep my daily calor intake under 1200. [laughter]</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
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<Text>Deangelo, you're going to starve to death. [laughter]</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>So you decided to have an orgy and not invite me? I call the middle!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
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<Text>It's cool that you like the southwest. It's one of my favorite regions.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
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<Text>It's one of my favorite regions? Did I just sound totally lame? No, I sounded good.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
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<Text>I love the desert. It's one of my favorite ecosystems.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
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<Text>Here's the great thing about the southwest; there's so much more than desert. Along the north rim of the Grand Canyon is a forest as lush as you've ever seen.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
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<Text>Burnt! It's lush, dummie. Hey, Deangelo, what do you think of bald people? I hate them.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Deangelo, I forget, did you mention you like politics?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I did not.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Cause I was thinking that you should meet my boyfriend, he's a state senator. I really think the two of you would hit it off. He's a great person to know.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Sounds very interesting, thank you.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin. Ok, let me transfer you.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Why do you use your name when you use the phone?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oh, that's how Pam does it. I just copy her. She's sort of a living legend.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Try it without using your name.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Dunder Mifflin, this is... oh, I like it!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Dunder Mifflin, how may I assist you?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oh, assist.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I sorta like the old way.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I just prefer it without the name and I thought- I've got to start doing some managing at some point.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I know, I know, I'm sorry, but if it's not a big deal we should just-</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>And it really isn't.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Is that good?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yeah, ok, good.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Well, I'd like to change it, actually.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Well, whatever. Whatever you think will work.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What do you think?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I think a change would be nice.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You can do the old way or whatever you think would work. [phone rings]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Denagelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[whispering] Change it.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[picks up phone] ...I'm so sorry. Sorry. [hangs up]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Hey, funny guy. Wanna have a little mid-day lawl here. Make me laugh, huh? What you got? I can't even look at you.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Here we go... ok... what do African Americans call... [laughter]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Deangelo, did you order a barber?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oh, yeah. Put a pin on that, kid. Can't wait to hear the punchline.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Finish the joke, Andy. What do African Americans call?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I... don't know. Help me.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[a barber enters the office for Deangelo] That is so badass. So hardcore.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yeah, real cool. Real power move.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I saw a hawk today. Just sitting right there on the overpass. Looking at me.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[to Erin] Shave me. [walks into office with Deangelo] This is going to be funny! Looks like we are going to be shaving buddies!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Ok, alright! I love it! I love it! Michael, this is Reggie. He is the #1 yelp reviewed shaver in Scranton. It's not even close.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>And this is Erin and she is going to shave my face. Here we go. [Erin puts too much shaving cream on Michael's face, none on the neck]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Alright. This is how we do it. Feels nice, doesn't it?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>It really does. This is luxery. Here we go. Ah, that is nice.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You wanted to talk to us Deangelo?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Ah, yes, please! Just cozy up there. Just thought we could have some rap sessions with smaller groups.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Well, we don't really do rap sessions. We kinda do... [Erin shaves Michael] god... we sorta do more of like powwows or-</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Ok, then, powwows then, fine.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>That's-</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Hey, Deangelo, my mom just sent me this picture of Cece, it is so adorable.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Alright, wait, little bit of backstory, she loves dogs. She calls them 'da-das'.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Da-das.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>And what happens here is-</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You know what, enough about your baby, ok? I'm sorry.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>We were... I think she was just trying to-</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No, no, no, I know what you're doing. Just quit it. I want to hear from the rank and file. How can I be the best manager for you all? What can I do better?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You know what, everybody? You have to be honest, here. You can't say that everything is perfect. So, you know, come up with something.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Well, Deangelo, I'd say communication could be improved. People stopped reading memos, so everyone marks them urgent.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Ok, you know what, I mark it urgent A, urgent B, urgent C, urgent D. Urgent A is the most important, urgent D you don't even really have to worry about.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Michael, can you stop talking now? I need to shave your lips.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Don't shave my lips.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[Andy walks into room] What's up?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I don't mean to go into a rant here, but...</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I wrote the perfect joke. Topical, edgy, funny.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>...I saw this thing on the news. Democrats want electric cars. Republicans don't. I'm thinking, 'how crazy is it that we have a car debate going on in a city known for gridlock.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Let's not talk politics in the office, ok? I like you better as a funny guy.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[leans on table] I wasn't taking a position. It's just one of those things where- [table collapses under Andy]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[laughter] Now that's funny! That's funny! You walk much?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yeah, right, I mean- [walks into door, jokingly]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Little click...</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[pushing box into office] Deangelo, this box came for you.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Thank you. That's my stuff. Yeah. Michael, take a look at this.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Need a hand?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oh, that'd be great, thank you Stanley!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You know, this office sort of has a perfect Feng Shui to it, so... you know, let's not go overboard with the re-decorating, and I'm still here-</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[holds up painting of desert to office, who are impressed]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I still have to look at this stuff, guys.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>So this is a ten-gallon hat, huh?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yep, ten-gallon hat. Technically, it only holds about three quartz. Little factoid.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Interesting.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Deangelo's great. I love the guy. But I'm not sure he's a great fit for the office. And also, I'm not sure if I love the guy.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Darryl's sister</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[holds out cowboy boots for Darryl]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Cool, cool. Alright, see you later.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Darryl's sister</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Hey, hey, hey! [holds up set of pistols in holsters]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No, I'm good. Keep them.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Hey, funny man! Whatcha got for me? Make me laugh?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[mimes using a rope to pull himself forward to microwave] Let's see if they have my favorite teas in here... [throws tea packets into air, puts hand in unplugged toaster, pretends to be shocked, takes container of cheese-puffs and throws them into air, pours hot coffee on his pants]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[laughs] Drink some soap!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[drinks hand soap]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[laughter and applause]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I guess this is my life now.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>How do I become a manger at Sabre?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>First thing's first, thank you for coming here directly. I know you could have called Tallahassee but they would've just looped back to me, so, it's cool you recognized my role here.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I left a message at corporate.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Ahh. There you go. Get a recommendation from Michael. That'll put you right on the shortlist for next time there's an opening.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Can't you just use the recommendation you already have on file?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What recommendation?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>From when he recommended me to replace him.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>...I'm sorry, I never know how to act in these awkward-type situations.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Best whale watching:</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Hey, Deangelo! Wanna meet Cece?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>That's a cute baby. Very cute baby. Adorable. Very cute.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Thank you very much.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>See, we knew it! If he just met her, he'd understand.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>We're back in! Right?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Deangelo</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I swear, that baby could be the star of a show entitled 'Babys I Don't Care About.'</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
</SceneList>
|