mirror of
https://github.com/Xevion/the-office.git
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1231 lines
43 KiB
XML
1231 lines
43 KiB
XML
<SceneList>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
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<Text>Everybody, can I please have your attention? Ryan and I have a huge announcement.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
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<Text>Oh my gosh!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
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<Text>Wow.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
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<Text>Over the weekend, Ryan Bailey Howard and I got divorced. [throws ring on the ground]</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Meredith</Speaker>
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<Text>Sweet! Free Ring!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
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<Text>Divorced?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
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<Text>Just so you know, it's totally amicable. We're fine. We don't need people here to take sides.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
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<Text>The last thing that we want is any kind of drama.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Wait. Can you back up? What's the story?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
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<Text>We were having a beautiful weekend in the Poconos. We were making love, constantly. We saw the sunrise. Ryan was crying a lot.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
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<Text>It's not irrelevant. Details</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
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<Text>And in the morning we walked by a chapel and we stopped, suddenly, and Ryan said...</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Ryan and Kelly</Speaker>
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<Text>I don't think I should be married to you anymore.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
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<Text>What?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
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<Text>Sorry, when did you get married?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
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<Text>Ummm, like a week ago, we got really wasted and it just felt right.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
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<Text>And you didn't invite any of us?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
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<Text>We are getting divorced, Andy! This is such a raw time.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
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<Text>God baby, you know, people's reactions to this... maybe we made a mistake.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
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<Text>No, with the messed up laws in this country, I don't want to be married until everyone can be married.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
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<Text>You know what Ryan, I talked to the other gay guys, and we're ok with it. We agree it's fine if you got married.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
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<Text>No Oscar, Not, not until everyone can!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
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<Text>Ryan, I changed my mind.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
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<Text>Ok fine, you know what, this actually isn't amicable at all and we actually do need people to take sides. Who is on my side?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
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<Text>And who is on my side? [no one raises their hand]</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>All right. Bye.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Bye.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Let's Go!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Just a minute. How long do we have to wait?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
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<Text>For what?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>You broke up with AJ weeks ago.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
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<Text>Don't you have a sales call to go on?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>I don't understand. I really don't. I mean, we know we are going to start dating. Why not now?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
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<Text>We don't know that.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Sure we do.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
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<Text>Why is it such a certainty that we are supposed to be together?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Why does the sun rise in the morning? Why do magnets stick together? Because everybody says so. Everybody.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
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<Text>Michael, I can't keep getting into a situation where I date whoever I'm working with. Well, you can understand that.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Yeah, I understand. I just don't agree.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
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<Text>Well you don't have to agree.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Yes I do.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
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<Text>No you don't.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Yes I do.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
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<Text>No, you can have your own opinion.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>I have my own opinion and my opinion is to disagree with you.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>He's going to be a lot of fun to drive around in a car with.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Aw you'll get through it hon. Just make a game out of it. A funny "Jim" game.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>That's it? That's all I get? Even after all the hard work I put into celebrating your talent today?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>All right, what'd you do?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Well, those things that you consider doodles, I consider art.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Where'd you put it?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Where'd I put what?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Let's go.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Oh, sorry gotta go.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Say it. Where?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Ok fine, three hints. One! When you are getting colder, you're really getting warmer.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>The fridge.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Two! You have a better chance, if you think Bob Vance.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>The fridge, got it.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>And the final clue...</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Let's go!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>You know what, just think about it, you'll be fine.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Bye.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
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<Text>Holly is ruining Michael's life. He thinks she is so special. And she's so not. Her personality is like a 3. Her sense of humor is a 2. Her ears are like a 7and a 4. Add it all up and what do you get? 16. And he treats her like she's a perfect 40. It's nuts.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Cheer up. We made a sale.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Just drive faster. I want to get back.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Well, I'm going the speed limit. So...</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Okay, fine. My feelings don't matter to you. What matters to you is your precious speed limit.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Someone's in a bad mood.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>No I'm not. I'm not in a bad mood. I'm not, Jim. Hello? Ok fine, ignore me. Have it your way. Let's just talk about you, as always. Is sex different after the baby, Jim?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Alright, let me turn on some music.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>I need to pee.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>No you don't.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Yeah, I do. My word against yours.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Alright. Well we'll be there in ten minutes.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>What part of "I need to pee" do you not understand? I'm upset. My bladder is full. There is no telling what I might do right now all over the inside of your precious little car.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Alright, Well if I see a gas station, I'll pull over.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Well I hope I make it.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Hello?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Helen</Speaker>
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<Text>Hi Jim, it's Helen.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Hey Helen. Is everything ok?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Helen</Speaker>
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<Text>Everything is fine. Baby's fine. She has a tiny fever. I'm taking her for a check up. Nothing to worry about.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Ok...</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Helen</Speaker>
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<Text>A tiny thing. I locked her in the car.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>What?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Helen</Speaker>
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<Text>She's smiling. She's happy.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Oh my God.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Helen</Speaker>
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<Text>Jim, I don't have a spare key.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Just stay there. I'll be there in one second. Michael! Michael! Excuse me, sir there is a guy in the bathroom. He's coming out but I have to go because it's an emergency. Will you just tell him call the office. Just call the office! Thank you. Please?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Guy</Speaker>
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<Text>[towards bathroom] Hello? [gives up and drives off]</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>This is Pam.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Hey it's me. So uh, don't worry. Everything's ok.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>What's wrong?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You're not holding a cup of coffee or anything are you?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Jim, what?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Uh, so, Cece had a little bit of a fever. And your mom also locked her in the car.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Oh God! What?!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>No no no it's ok. So, Cece is with daddy now. She's laughing and she's happy. And we are on our way to see Dr. Barbra.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Ok. She's ok?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Yes, and your mom got a very well deserved day off. So here's the thing though. I left Michael at the gas station on Benet.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Understood.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>And his wallet and phone are on the seat next to me.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Got it. I will put out a A.P.B. Otherwise known as a "Ask Pam Beasley". ... Did the phone cut off?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Nope.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Alright, just call me after the doctor.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
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<Text>Ok. Bye.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Bye.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>I know, I know you have a phone policy. I understand. But this is an emergency because my friend isn't here and I am worried that he has been abducted.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Attendant</Speaker>
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<Text>No, he ditched you man. I saw him drive away.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>There is no way he ditched me. There is no way that happened. He's my... Ok. May I please just use your phone? Please!</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Attendant</Speaker>
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<Text>Just make it quick.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Ok. I will make it quick. I will make it very quick. [opens phone] And you don't have my numbers on speed dial. Ah, Ok. What is it?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Attendant</Speaker>
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<Text>You don't know it.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>You know what, I can dial 411, get Jim's number.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Attendant</Speaker>
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<Text>He left you here on purpose. All right? I saw it. He just drove away.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
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<Text>Actually this is good. I am going to take this opportunity to go walk-about. Good. Good. [to cameras] Nope, get away. No, that's enough. Ok.</Text>
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</Quote>
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</Scene>
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<Scene>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
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<Text>It's the gas station on Benet Street?</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
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<Text>Yeah.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
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<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
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<Text>Ok.</Text>
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</Quote>
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<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You know what? Why don't you stay and I'll go?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oh no no no. I'll be fine.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>It's kind of a sketchy neighborhood though. I better come along.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Problem solved everyone. Space Orphan and Princess Nincompoop are off to rescue Michael. Unbelievable. I'm going. You drive, I got a car full of fox meat.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Cute. [enters office area] Very funny, everyone. Who wrote captions under my doodle? I'm not even kidding. They're pretty good.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Which on in particular?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yeah, which one?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Well the first one has a surprise factor. "I'm a suck suck-suckidy Sabre!"</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Boo-yea! [office laughs]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No no. No no no.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>But, ah, I suppose the second one is the better written line.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You suppose?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What's it say?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>"I'm suppose to be wearing red gloves but my color cartridge portal, got jammed again."</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Ok. [office laughs] No no no.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Red gloves.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Darrly</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Keep it real.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You guys, if I knew you wanted to do a caption contest, I would have drawn something more challenging.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>And I will take you all down.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I've been reading the comics to my daughter since she was three years old. Not once I have used the real captions to Family Circus. That crazy family is hilarious to her for one reason:</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Male. Caucasian. Forties. Black hair. Facial type:</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[at puppies] Hey you guys. Listen to me. Don't get hung up on just one girl because there are a whole lot of other girls out there. Look over there. See? They look cute. [at parrots] Hello! You guys are so beautiful. You're so colorful. I wish I could understand you. That's a metaphor I guess. [at snake] You are disgusting. You'll never find love. Yekkk. [holding puppy] Do you think she needs more time or is it never going to happen? [licks his nose] I'm being serious. Seriously.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[on phone] Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Has Michael checked in?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oh, hey Dwight.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I asked you a question.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No, he hasn't.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Goodbye.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No, wait. Hey, while you are out, could pick up some paper towels and chocolate syrup? We have ice cream so I thought...</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Pam, this isn't a shopping trip.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>This is a man-hunt slash rescue mission.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Ok. I, just, when you are done or any time it's convent, I just thought since you are out...</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Pam, I'm obviously going to get that stuff for you so just shut up.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Ok, well it wasn't obvious so... [phone hangs up]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No word from Michael.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oh.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Ta-da!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Ok, it's two giant dogs with two giant palm trees on a regular size island.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Ok. I got one.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yeah?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yes!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Ok, I'm sorry but I am going to have to shut this down.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Office</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Boo!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Meredith</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Why?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Unless we can all agree to some ground rules. It's either that or I can fax this to Joe and let her decide how to proceed.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Gabe, tell us your stupid rules so we can start the game.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Number one, and this should be obvious, no captions that insult the company we work for.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Irony is such a critical...</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Number two:</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Sticky Quips are fun. They are safe. They are handy. I like to use Sticky Quips as regular Post-It notes when I am in a fun mood. [laughs] Not every day.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Go get 'em. Start quipin'.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Pam, I think I'm going to send you an IM.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oh! Ok.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Send me one too.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yeah, yeah. Put me on that.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>C.C</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Ditto.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Hello. I would like a hot dog please. Now, I don't have any money so here is what I would like to do. I leave you here with my watch, and I come back later to pay for the hot dog.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Hot Dog Guy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I'm not a pawn shop.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Well I understand that but this is a $45 watch.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Hot Dog Guy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Wow.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>With that I can buy... half the menu.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Hot Dog Guy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I can't just go giving away hot dogs.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>All right. What do you do with the hog dogs that you don't sell?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Hot Dog Guy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Throw 'em away.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Well, okay, instead of throwing them all away later, why don't you just throw one away now into my mouth?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Hot Dog Guy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Okay. You've just lost my business.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Hey.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Hey, you were in there forever.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>There's too many brands. Where's Holly?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>She wandered off like an idiot.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Hey!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Hey.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What are you doing?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oh, just changing my cell phone plan. Okay. Okay. Here you go. I'll take my free stress ball too now.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Cell Phone Sales Person</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Sure thing. Here you go, Miss... Okay, Fanny Smellmore. Real original.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Cell Phone Sales Person</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You know what? Say hi to Orville Tootenbacher for me.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Tootenbacher.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Orville Tootenbacher. That's Michael's millionaire character that...</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight and Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>farts popcorn.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Of course. He was here. She's the key. Amazing. Holly. Hey, where you would you like to go next? Holly?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Are their egg rolls really that big?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oh, boy. That was yummy. Thank you so much. You know what? I think I left my wallet in my car. Do you mind if I run out and get it?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Waiter</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No problem.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Okay. I'll be right back. [goes to leave but walks back]. Okay. You know what? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't have my wallet and I was gonna try to dine and dash and that was stupid and I realize I can't do that to you fine people.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Waiter</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>So you can't pay for your food?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Well I can, but I will have to come back later tonight and pay you. But the point is I did the right thing.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Waiter</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You did not. You have no money. And you dined so much.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Well the number three is not such a giant feast.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Waiter</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[calling to the back] Mr. Chu!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Micahel</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Okay, all right. You know what?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Waiter</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You were trying to steal food from us?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I am not. I just have had a bad day. And I... okay. I'll be back later with the money. I'm just gonna leave right now.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Waiter</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You can't. We'll stop you.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Well, I think I can get through the door.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Excuse me Do you speak English? We are looking for a man. Michael, this tall, black hair, Caucasian...</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[point to picture] It's Michael!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Waiter</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>He just left.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You knew.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What? No. Dwight asked if I wanted an egg roll. What... what are you implying?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Uncanny. Put a pin in that. [to waiter] Which way did he go? That guy! When he leave here, which way did he go? We looking for him. [pointing] This way, this way, this way? I don't know. Do you know?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Waiter</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I think he was heading downtown.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>He's heading downtown.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>So what, no one's even gonna try?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Guess not.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oh, come on. My rules could not possibly have been that oppressive.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>You crushed our spirits, Gabe. Congrats. You're a big man, huh? Take a lot to destroy the creativity of a whole group of people. [notification tone] [laughter]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Hey...</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[whispers] Click the "x"</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[whispers] I'm clicking!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>In the box.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I am clicking.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Woman, you've had a computer for years!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Phyllis!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Too late! Oh. Ha. An IM chat. Very clever. I'll just print that out. Come on guys. Grow up. I don't want to be your babysitter.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oooohhh.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>"Darn it Bob. I told you not to buy a Sabre brand lifeboat." [laughter]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Nice!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No, not nice. Terrible. Doesn't even include the fact that they're dogs.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Do the next one.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>"Wake up, Fred. The power cord on your Sabre printer shocked you into a coma, and you're dreaming you're a dog on a desert island.'</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Darryl</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Dreaming he's a dog on a island.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Uh, excuse me, excuse me. How does the speaker know what the guy in the coma is dreaming?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Well, if you think it's so easy, Gabe, why don't you try it?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Umm... "You don't have to sniff my rear end anymore, Bob, I'm the only one here." Ha.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>That's tasteless, Gabe.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Tasteless?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Tasteless.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>More tasteless than this..."is that a palm tree or did Gabe get skinnier? Either way, let's pee on it." [laughter]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a winner.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yes.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yes, well done!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Who's is it? Who wrote that?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yeah, who wrote it?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Please. It was easy once I decided I wanted the dog to piss on Gabe.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Where did he go, Holly?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I have no idea.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Do you see a little clown that you want to follow, huh? Is there a little bird that's chirping to you, "this way, this way"?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I don't know.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Okay, close your eyes, we need you to think. What is Michael seeing right now? Can you tell him that we miss him? Michael we're coming for you!</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Will you stop! There has been a few coincidences, that's all.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>All right then. Someone propose a plan.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Okay. We fan out...</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Not you, Erin.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Stop looking at me like that. Okay, let's just go up somewhere high and see if we could spot him on the street below.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>That is the stupidest idea I've ever heard. No. Tap into your common mind and tell us what he would do next.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Look, I'm not playing. I'm gonna go look for him.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Erin</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Good. We don't need her.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Right. I can do this on my own. I can think like Michael. All right... I'm deep below the ocean's surface in a submarine. A torpedo's coming right at me. No. Damn it, that's just my own imagination. Maybe he's bowling.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[walks to the roof of a building and spots Michael] Michael?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Hi. [laughs] How did you know I was up here?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>What are you doing up here?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I got turned around. I thought I could see Dunder Mifflin.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Dunder Mifflin.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yeah. [laughs] Wow. I just miss you so much.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>I missed you too.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Really?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yeah.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Can I kiss you?</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Holly</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yeah.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Okay.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
<Scene>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Maybe that's not the best one. Keep reading.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Uh, it was.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Meredith</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Maybe it wasn't.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>"Oh, thank God. I had a horrible nightmare that I was stuck in America with Gabe."</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Oh! [laughter]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>No, that's not the one I was thinking of. Keep going.</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>"I know what it smells like but I didn't roll in anything. It's from listening to all of Gabe's bull[bleep]. [laughter] "Isn't this the perfect romantic getaway, Erin? Sitting on a deserted island wearing dog costumes? I'm Gabe and I'm a weirdo."</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>[laughs]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Gabe</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>"Gabe's mom... hmm... Gabe's mom? Wait. Tall woman? Looks like Gabe? Yeah, I banged her."</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
<Quote>
|
|
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
|
|
<Text>Yeah, there you go. [laughter]</Text>
|
|
</Quote>
|
|
</Scene>
|
|
</SceneList>
|