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the-office/server/normalization/truth/episodes/4-02.xml
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2022-05-09 01:10:17 -05:00

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<SceneList>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>Hey.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>Hey.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>I gotcha one. [Pam hands over a grape soda to Jim]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>Oh wow, thank you.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>Yeah.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>I'm just gonna grab some chips, you want some?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>No. Thanks... uh we're still having lunch today, right?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>I guess. [Pam smiles and walks away, then comes back and kisses Jim on the cheek] How dare you.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Hey Toby. What's this? [holds up memo Toby has passed out to the staff]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
<Text>Ohh.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>[reads memo] I just want to remind everyone about the company rules involving PDA or public displays of affection.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
<Text>Yes, uh some people in the office have complained...</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Oh really.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
<Text>...about some other people engaging in PDA and, you know [Michael leans in closer to Toby] I just wanted to remind it's not appropriate to, to do that.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Is this about me and Jan? In my office? Because I will have you know that that was consensual. What we did has nothing to do with you or anyone here. I don't think. I don't think anyone heard anything. We were very discreet and, and most people had left by that point. So I don't think it's any of your business. What I think you should do is roll up the memo, real tight...</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
<Text>Ok, look the memo is not about you...</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
<Text>[to everyone in the room] For the record, I have never been involved with anyone at work, in any capacity.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
<Text>Alright everyone, look, it, alright my complaint was about Jim and Pam. So...</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>[turns to address Jim and Pam] No way.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
<Text>What?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
<Text>You guys are together?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>Ummm... yup. Yes, we are.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Woooah! Wow!</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
<Text>Tuna!</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Awesome!</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
<Text>I knew it!</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>You guys! Yes! Yes!</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>Toby, was this your fun little way of congratulating us?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
<Text>Yes.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Oh kay, mind is exploding. Get over here. [gestures to Pam to get up] Come on. Come here. Okay, okay, [to Jim] stand up. [Jim moves over in chair] OK, here we go. [holding both Pam and Jim's hand] Everyone, this is a day that will live in infamy. Because today, is the day that Jim and Pam become one.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>Actually, we've been dating for a couple months.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>I love you guys, so much. [hugs Jim]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>Ohh.. [Michael goes to hug Pam, phone rings]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>Phone's ringing. [goes back toward desk]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>No, no, no Pam let 'em ring. Let the bells of Dunder Mifflin chime out your love. Because this is [starts to well up] really good, this is really good. My heart soars with the eagles nest.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
<Text>I don't see it. I think they both could do better.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
<Text>It's not a surprise to me. Pam is the office mattress.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
<Text>Jim Halpert's off the market. Guess who just became the best looking single guy in the office?</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Hey. Can you make that straighter? That's what she said.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
<Text>Did you plan it?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>No. [tries to hide piece of paper, but Pam grabs it]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>[reading from paper] Can you make that straighter? That job looks hard. You should put your mouth on that. How can you even use that one naturally?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Blowing up balloons I thought.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>You might want to trim it a little.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
<Text>Michael... [Kelly enters conference room in a flirty red dress]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
<Text>[reading sign] Oh, is... Ryan coming back today?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>Yeah, he is.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
<Text>Oh.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Pam and Jim are together. Ryan is visiting. Only thing that could make this day better is ice cream.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
<Text>What do you want?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
<Text>To give you this [reveals a cat from under a coat].</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
<Text>Oh, what is that?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
<Text>It's a feral barn cat. I trapped him last night and I'm giving him to you as a replacement cat for the one I destroyed.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
<Text>Her name was Sprinkles.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
<Text>And his name is... Garbage. Mose calls him Garbage because he likes to eat garbage. [shakes cat] Don't you Garbage? [makes chomping noises]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
<Text>I can't believe you just thought you could replace Sprinkles. Before she's even in the ground.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
<Text>You haven't buried her yet?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
<Text>Don't rush me. I'm grieving.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
<Text>Garbage can be very helpful. OK, he's a youthful cat. He killed an entire family of raccoons. [holds cat towards Angela] Look at him.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
<Text>I don't want Garbage! I want Sprinkles! [walks away]</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>Hey Toby.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
<Text>Hey... [sees both Jim and Pam] you two.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>Hey. So now that we are dating, uh, we just wanted to know if we had to sign one of those 'we're dating' things for the company.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
<Text>Oh well, you know, those were only for, you know [makes quotes with fingers] relationships, so... if, if this is just a casual thing, there's no need, really.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>Oh.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>Well, I don't wanna speak for Jim, but, it's like pretty official. [Jim smiles]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
<Text>Uh huh.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>Sorry, uh do we need to sign one, or...?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
<Text>Let's just wait and see what happens. [whispers] You know?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>What?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
<Text>Let's just wait.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>Oh, OK.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>OK.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>Great. [Jim and Pam walk away]</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>[sees Ryan coming through door] Hey Ryan. Welcome back --</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Hold on one second. [Ryan types on Blackberry for a few seconds] Hey Pam! It's great to see you. Is Michael in?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Hey!</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>Yeah.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>There he is! There he is! He's back! And he's with a beard. [laughing] He... He has facial hair. Look at him! All grown up and no place to go. Hello, Mr. Sunny Crockett. I'm Tubs.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>OK. Should we get started?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Ohh, yeah, let's get started because uh, yes, cause uh this is very serious business and umm..</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Yep, exactly. This is a business meeting.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>...business meeting --</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
<Text>[rubbing hands in Ryan's hair] Fire!</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Stop that! Stop that!</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>That's right! That's right!</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>[to Kevin] You scared me.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Fire guy. Don't start any fires, Ryan.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
<Text>Fire guy [makes flames with his hands]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
<Text>You weren't here for that.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
<Text>Here for what?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
<Text>When he started the fire.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Look how big he is. Look at you, you are so mature and old and little man now. You're like our little man...</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
<Text>Little old man boy.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Michael and everybody, umm...</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Beard.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kevin</Speaker>
<Text>Bearded man boy.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>...let me just say something. I know I used to be a temp here, but now everything is different. I'd like your respect. I am your boss now. You're gonna have to treat me that same way you treated Jan.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Oh, wow!</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>So...</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>That's a little kinky. I don't swing that way.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>OK...</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Woooo![laughs] I think Ryan has a gay crush on me.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Enough! OK? This is inappropriate and it stops right now. Do you understand?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Yes, everybody, come on. Settle town. Let's get serious here. Um Ryan, has a very special, important presentation to do, which we will be doing in the conference room in [looks at Ryan] 10 minutes?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Perfect.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Sounds good. OK, alright.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Yeah, Ryan snapped at me, but there was this twinkle in his eye that I picked up on, which said, "Dude, we're friends. I'm doing this for appearances. I am the big boss now. And I have to seem like an ogre. But you know me and you trust me. And we like each other. And we'll always be friends. And I would never take you for granted in a million years. And I miss you, man. And I love you." His words.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Dunder Mifflin Infinity represents a floor to ceiling streamlining of our business model. The center piece of the campaign is a new business-to-business website interface that will allow us to compete directly with big box chains.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>Wait a second. Last time I checked, Dunder Mifflin already has a website. And quite frankly, I'm not really sure what's wrong with it. [Jim at his desk, showing the Dunder Mifflin website reading "Under Construction. Coming Christmas 2002!"]</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>This is a massive overhaul. We're getting younger. Sleeker. And more agile so that we adapt to the market place. All essential personnel will be issued Blackberries for company use.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>OOhh. Gimmme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>I'll stick around to help you set them up afterwards. Any questions? Dwight?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
<Text>What if we don't want to use a Blackberry because they are stupid and pointless?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>This is company-wide, Dwight.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
<Text>Got it. [Andy's hand goes up]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Andy.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Andy</Speaker>
<Text>We should call it Dunder Mifflinfinity. You know, push the words together?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Any other questions? [Kelly's hand goes up] Kelly Kapoor.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
<Text>Can we speak privately about our relationship?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Thank you everybody.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Ryan Howard everybody. [starts clapping] Good job. [everyone gets up to leave]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Creed</Speaker>
<Text>That's some fun stuff. When does the website go up?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>As fast as possible. We want to start retraining people A.S.A.P., so we can hit the ground running with a new system.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Creed</Speaker>
<Text>Cool beans.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Creed</Speaker>
<Text>We're screwed.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Who is?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Creed</Speaker>
<Text>Us? You and me. The old timers.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>I am not old. You are old. You are like a hundred.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Creed</Speaker>
<Text>You're over 40, that's the cut off. Are you listening to what he's saying? Re-training. New system. Youth. I'm telling you this kid is the grim reaper. You deal with this or you, me, Sammy, Phyllis, the chick you hit with the car, we're goners.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>Swore I wouldn't tell anyone this, but in the interest of revealing secrets. Oh my God, this will make your brain explode. Umm, Dwight and Angela dating. Have been for six months.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>No.. [in awe]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>Swear to God. [Pam shakes her head]. Aww this is great. I was actually gonna wait and tell you on your birthday, but this is much more fun.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>No, they have been dating for like two years. [Jim in shock] Since before your barbeque.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>Wait. What? [Pam nods her head] You knew? And you didn't say anything?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>You didn't say anything to me?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>Fair enough. Wow! We should have started dating like a long time ago.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>Can you believe that...</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
<Text>Sorry, I didn't know you guys were in here.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>Oh no, we're just sitting here.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
<Text>I couldn't see your hands. [Jim shakes his hands] Hey Pam, by the way, it's great that you're dating. But when a new client calls, you just have to randomly assign them to a sales person. You can't base who gets new clients on who you're sleeping with that week, OK?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>OK.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
<Text>OK.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>OK.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>And... that is why we waited so long to tell people.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>OK, what's up?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Yeah, kay. I was just... After the presentation, just wanted to make sure, that vis-a-vie, that everything in the office is business as usual?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Well it is business, but not as usual.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Yeah, I know I understand... we're making great strides and we're updating, but business as usual, no?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>No. [shaking head] We're throwing out the entire playbook, we're starting from scratch, we're implementing a brand new system.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Good, so, we're on the same page?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>No. We're not. Michael, I know exactly how much time and man power are wasted in this branch. This company is getting younger, faster, more efficient. You need to prepare yourself.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>We had a foreign exchange student live with us when I was young. And we called him my brother. And that's who I thought he was. Um, then he went home to what is now formerly Yugoslavia, taking all of my blue jeans with him. And I had to spend the entire winter in shorts. That is what Ryan is like. A fake brother who steals your jeans.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>So, how are you?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
<Text>Awesome. I am dating a lot of guys.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Good.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
<Text>A lot. Black guys mostly.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Kelly...</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
<Text>What?!</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
<Text>Wait, uh, how do you touch just one of these buttons at a time?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
<Text>I don't know.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
<Text>Did you even try?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
<Text>If the kid wants to set mine up, I'll let him.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Phyllis</Speaker>
<Text>I can't see half of the things. [adjusts glasses]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Stanley</Speaker>
<Text>It's too little. Use the phone.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
<Text>I want you to tell me that you care about me. That is what I want.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Kelly, I'm your boss now, OK? You can't keep talking to me like I'm your boyfriend.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
<Text>Oh big strong man, fancy new whatever. I don't think you ever cared about me.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>I never cared about you? Six months ago Karen Filipelli sent me an email. Asked me out. I said no, because I was committed to our relationship.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
<Text>Well, I hope you're still committed because I'm pregnant.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
<Text>[shaking head]</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
<Text>And guess what buddy, [points at Ryan] I am keeping it.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>OK. OK.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
<Text>Do you feel prepared to help me raise a baby?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>I can... I can't talk about this right now, OK? After work, we'll go out to dinner, we'll talk about it then, OK?</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
<Text>We have a date!</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
<Text>Hello.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
<Text>Hello, Dwight. I've been thinking about things and I wanted to know if you would have dinner with me tonight?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
<Text>Really?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
<Text>Yes.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
<Text>I'll make a reservation. No, no. Let me cook for you. Cauliflower and noodles. Baked potato on the side.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
<Text>I would prefer a public place. See you after work.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jan</Speaker>
<Text>Hi, Pam.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>Hi.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jan</Speaker>
<Text>Is Michael in?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>In his office. You can go right in.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jan</Speaker>
<Text>[to Ryan] Hey.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Jan.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jan</Speaker>
<Text>Ryan. Ryan. Ryan, Ryan.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>So elephant in the room, I have your old job.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jan</Speaker>
<Text>Well, not exactly my job... I had a different title.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Oh well, excuse me, same office, same responsibilities.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jan</Speaker>
<Text>Different salary. [laughs] You'll get there, don't worry.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Well... you look great.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jan</Speaker>
<Text>Thank you, thank you.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Scranton suits you.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jan</Speaker>
<Text>Best decision I ever made.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>You were let go.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jan</Speaker>
<Text>You know what? I love the beard. Keep it forever. [goes into Michael's office]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Hey.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jan</Speaker>
<Text>Hey.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>[holds up Blackberry] Hey, what is the actual deal with these things in terms of testicles?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jan</Speaker>
<Text>What?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>I don't want to grow weird sperm in case we ever want to have kids.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jan</Speaker>
<Text>So, what's Ryan doing here?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Oh, I dunno, they're launching a big new business plan. New website, blah blah blah. He's being a real twerp about it, so, it's all about youth, and agility and streamlining and trying to squeeze out the older people.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jan</Speaker>
<Text>He's such a snake.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Well...</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jan</Speaker>
<Text>I hope he's gets hit with an ageism suit.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>What is that... word?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jan</Speaker>
<Text>Ageism? Companies they can't discriminate against people due to old age. Like a couple years ago we tried to force out some of the older branch managers with a mandatory retirement age and then Ed Truck, your old boss, threatened us with a lawsuit, so we had to back off.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>So older people have just as many rights as younger people?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jan</Speaker>
<Text>Yes, Michael, they do.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
<Text>Creed?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Creed</Speaker>
<Text>Yes, sir.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Oscar</Speaker>
<Text>Everything OK? [Creed has made his hair jet black]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Creed</Speaker>
<Text>Everything's cool, dude.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Creed</Speaker>
<Text>I'm thirty. Well, in November I'll be thirty.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Is there another meeting scheduled, I was gonna do the Blackberry tutorial in here.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>Michael told us to wait in here. We don't know why.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>[notices pictures on the wall] Ohh... man.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Good, we're all here, we can get started.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Michael.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Have a seat.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>We're not doing this today.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Have a seat. Like everybody else.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>OK. This is...</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Still my office, Ryan. [Ryan sits down] Well, there has been a lot of talk about new ideas today. Well, new ideas are fine, but they are also... illegal, because they are a form of ageism. What? Yes, I am right. Did you know that the Age Discrimination and Employment Act of 1967 prohibits employment discrimination based on age with respect to employees 40 years of age or older? I did.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
<Text>Technically, he's right.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Hey, shut up Toby. Look, why do we as a society hate old people so much?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Creed</Speaker>
<Text>Because they're lame.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>No, Creed, no they are not. In fact, many cultures revere old people because of their storytelling ability. Like the old lady from Titanic. [points to her picture on the wall] Or the funny things that they can do, like "where's the Beef?" [points to another picture on wall] [Jim raises his hand] Yeah.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>Why do you have the Big picture up again? You used that already, when you burned your foot.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>Reusing the Ben Kingsley, too.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>I was going to put up some new pictures, but umm, all of the ink in the printer was gone.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>Oh. [man enters conference room]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Robert Dunder</Speaker>
<Text>Michael Scott?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>[puts hand up] That is me. Come on in. [They shake hands] Who is this old fart? Did you just stagger off the street? Out of a box or something? Who's this worthless bag of bones? Well, this guy is none other than one of the founders of Dunder Mifflin, Mr. Robert Dunder. Huh? [starts clapping, others join in]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
<Text>Oh, yeah. Yes!</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Robert Dunder</Speaker>
<Text>Thank you everyone.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Michael, [gets up] can I talk to you a second?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Sure thing. [both go out of conference room] 'Scuse me. [closes door]</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>We have actual work to do.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Fine. Then I will call David Wallace and you can explain to him why you threw the founder of the company out on his ancient butt. [they glare at each other]</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Bob, how old are you?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Robert Dunder</Speaker>
<Text>I'm 87.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Eighty-seven years young. And still active. That is great. Did you know, that Bob is still a member of the Board of Dunder Mifflin?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Robert Dunder</Speaker>
<Text>Well, I, I, I haven't been to a board meeting in years. I, I send a proxy.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Ah, still sends his own proxy. Good for you.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
<Text>I'm gonna live for a very long time. My grandma Schrute lived to be 101. My grandpa Manheim is 103, and still puttering around in Argentina. I tried to go visit him once, but my travel visa was protested by the Shoah Foundation.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Robert Dunder</Speaker>
<Text>I started this company in 1949.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Wow.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Robert Dunder</Speaker>
<Text>Back then, it was an uh, an industrial supplier of metal brackets mostly for, for construction.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Oh, boy.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Robert Dunder</Speaker>
<Text>And then Mifflin, of course he killed himself later... Uh, but I knew Mifflin through the Rotary Club.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Great.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Robert Dunder</Speaker>
<Text>And he was, he was [starts laughing] at dinner with Beverly and her husband, wha-what was his name, umm... uhh... Jerry.. Jerry Trupiano from, from South Jersey and he was tall. Both he and Mifflin were tall guys.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Great.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Robert Dunder</Speaker>
<Text>And...</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>That's great. Thank you for coming in. [starts ushering him out] Robert Dunder everybody. [clapping] Thank you. That was wonderful. Do you have a ride?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Robert Dunder</Speaker>
<Text>Well I, I, I came here in a cab.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Perfect. [starts closing the door]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Robert Dunder</Speaker>
<Text>Well, cou, could you get me another... [Michael closes door]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Inspirational. What have we learned? Well, we have learned that you can't teach an old dog new tricks, because it's illegal, and you will go to jail. [Pam raises hand]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>I think that I should help him get home.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>No, No. Don't help him. He doesn't need help, Pam. [Jim nods head and Pam gets up and leaves to help Robert Dunder, Michael shows Robert thumbs up] What a nice guy.</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>Good night guys. [staff leaves the office]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Well, today was a fantastic waste of time.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>I disagree, I think it was very valuable.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Michael, technology helps business OK? You should not resist it, this is the way the world is moving.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Michael</Speaker>
<Text>I happen to think the old ways of doing business are better. And I can prove it.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Ok. I look forward to hearing your ideas. [Michael retreats back to office] [to Kelly] Where do you wanna go?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
<Text>You know, some place romantic and expensive.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Ryan</Speaker>
<Text>Kelly, come on.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Kelly</Speaker>
<Text>You know what, you're right. I'm feeling kind of nauseous anyway. So, you know skip it. [Ryan hesitates and takes her hand and they exit]</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
<Text>Are you enjoying your vegetarian noodles?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
<Text>Very much. How's your meat?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
<Text>Dry. Delicious.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
<Text>I heard a joke today.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
<Text>Oh, that's funny.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
<Text>Yes, it was.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
<Text>Are you enjoying your mineral water?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
<Text>I can't do this. I can't be with you. Every time I look in your eyes I see Sprinkles' stiff lifeless body.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
<Text>Then don't look in my eyes. Look right here [points to middle of forehead above the eyes], it's an old sales trick.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
<Text>I'm sorry. I gave this everything I could.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Dwight</Speaker>
<Text>No, please don't do this, monkey.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Angela</Speaker>
<Text>I will leave your toothbrush on top of your tire tomorrow morning. [gets up and leaves restaurant]</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
<Scene>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
<Text>Hey guys. This is my, uh, girlfriend, Amy.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>Hi.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>Hey, Amy. How ya doing?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>Nice to meet you.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Jim</Speaker>
<Text>[under his breath] Nice to meet you.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
<Text>[gesturing to the rest of the office] This is everybody else... okay... This is the place... so thanks for the lift.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Amy</Speaker>
<Text>Yeah, sure. I'll, uh, I'll see you tonight, right?</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
<Text>Absolutely. [Toby kisses Amy for an extended period of time, Pam and Jim are shocked]</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Amy</Speaker>
<Text>Whoa. Easy tiger.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
<Text>I just really like you.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Amy</Speaker>
<Text>Okay. Bye guys. Nice to meet you.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
<Text>Have a great day!</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Pam</Speaker>
<Text>Whoa, Toby. Watch out. You're going to violate your own PDA memo.</Text>
</Quote>
<Quote>
<Speaker>Toby</Speaker>
<Text>I wouldn't want to do that now would I?</Text>
</Quote>
</Scene>
</SceneList>
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