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var random_text = new random_text();
// Set the number of text strings to zero to start
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// Incremental list of all possible Text
random_text[number++] = "I know that patience and loyalty are good, and virtuous traits. But sometimes I just think you need to grow a pair."
random_text[number++] = "Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch!"
random_text[number++] = "Saboteur! I'm going to kill you for real. This game--- the game is over. I'm really going to shoot you. "
random_text[number++] = "I have this little vacuum cleaner that's broken. If Dwight doesn't work out, maybe that could be manager. "
random_text[number++] = "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."
random_text[number++] = "Jim is gone. He's gone. I miss him so much. Ooooh I cry myself to sleep, Jim! FALSE. I do not miss him."
random_text[number++] = "No! That is the fun of this place. I call everybody 'faggie'. Why would anybody find that offensive?"
random_text[number++] = "You don't call retarded people 'retards'. It's bad taste. You call your friends 'retards' when they're acting retarded."
random_text[number++] = "Maybe we could go out for a beer sometime. And you could tell me... how... you do that to another dude."
random_text[number++] = "I went to Cornell, you ever heard of it?"
random_text[number++] = "Hey, what about Angela? She's hard and severe. She could be a gay woman."
random_text[number++] = "That is so cool that you're gay. I totally underestimated you."
random_text[number++] = "I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about?"
random_text[number++] = "The company has made it my responsibility today to put an end to 100,000 years of being weirded out by gays."
random_text[number++] = "That's what she said. Or he said."
random_text[number++] = "I call her Hillary Rodham Clinton. Right? Not to her face, because... well, not because I'm scared of her. Because I'm not."
random_text[number++] = "Uh, is Josh concerned about downsizing himself? Not downsizing himself, but is he concerned about downsizing?"
random_text[number++] = "No, I am not going to tell them. I don't see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer."
random_text[number++] = "Safety violation. I could fall and pierce an organ."
random_text[number++] = "You can go mess with Josh's people, but I'm the head of this family, and you ain't gonna be messing with my chillin."
random_text[number++] = "I guess the atmosphere that I've created here is that I'm a friend first, and a boss second... and probably an entertainer third."
random_text[number++] = "They always want credit for something they supposed to do! What you want a cookie?"
random_text[number++] = "'...in this way, I can truly be a hero. Signed, Daffy Duck. He's going to lose it when he reads that."
random_text[number++] = "This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell out of here."
random_text[number++] = "Um, let me ask you, is there a term besides Mexican that you prefer? Something less offensive?"
random_text[number++] = "Come on, Olympics of Suffering right here. Slavery versus the Holocaust. Come on."
random_text[number++] = "You'll notice I didn't have anybody be an Arab. I thought that would be too explosive. No pun intended."
random_text[number++] = "That doesn't really make sense. Because you don't call them collared people, that's offensive."
random_text[number++] = "Any time Michael asks me to do anything, I just tell him that Dwight should do it."
random_text[number++] = "Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead."
random_text[number++] = "Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will."
random_text[number++] = "He's got to come out sometime. To go to the bathroom."
random_text[number++] = "I thought you said you were inventing diseases? That's spontaneous dental hydroplosion."
random_text[number++] = "Well, once you get down into the mine, what... you got laser tag or something?"
random_text[number++] = "Uh, leprosy? Flesh eating bacteria. Hot-dog fingers. Government-created killer nanorobot infection."
random_text[number++] = "It's an epidemic."
random_text[number++] = "Why did you write that down Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?"
random_text[number++] = "Hey, hey, everybody. Ice-cream sandwiches! Aaaahh!"
random_text[number++] = "OK, now. Who wrote this, hysterical one? Anal fissures?"
random_text[number++] = "See I learned improv from the greats, like, um, Drew Carey and Ryan Stiles."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, the water cooler was brought over here for... maintenance. So what do you guys hear? What's the scuttlebutt?"
random_text[number++] = "I think green is kind of whoreish."
random_text[number++] = "Mint chocolate chip! That'd be good, how about some, mint chocolate chip?"
random_text[number++] = "Do you want to form, an alliance, with me?"
random_text[number++] = "Meredith had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to work or it'll poop on the floor."
random_text[number++] = "Listen, Oscar, generosity and togetherness and community all convalescences into... morale. That's what I say, so..."
random_text[number++] = "Meredith, bad breath. Meredith has bad breath."
random_text[number++] = "One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I am better at hiding than they are... at vision."
random_text[number++] = "He's downstairs, in a box, on the floor, near the shelves. I'm serious."
random_text[number++] = "You know what? If I were allergic to dairy, I think I'd kill myself."
random_text[number++] = "I will use your talents come baseball season, my friend. Or if we box."
random_text[number++] = "And by gay I mean, um, you know, not in a homosexual way at all. I mean the uh, you know, like the bad-at-sports way."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, yuck, that's worse than you playing. ... 'Cause we need you as an alternate in case somebody gets hurt."
random_text[number++] = "Who am I? Am I Michael Scott? I don't know... I might just be a basketball machine."
random_text[number++] = "Ah, Katy. Wow. Look at you. You are, uh you're like the new and improved Pam. Pam 6.0."
random_text[number++] = "Amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies."
random_text[number++] = "I live by one rule. No office romances. No way. Very messy. Inappropriate. No. But, I live by another rule: Just do it. Nike."
random_text[number++] = "Oh definitely, definitely step in and out of it like that."
random_text[number++] = "Uh, Pam, one more thing. Um, how do girls your age feel about futons?"
random_text[number++] = "Wow. How many filet-o-fishes did you eat? "
random_text[number++] = "I mean, who's gonna give Kevin an award? Dunkin' Donuts?"
random_text[number++] = "Ah, it's just easier to say T.M.I. I used to say 'Don't go there' but that's... lame."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, yeah, this is the part where Kevin sat in front of the camcorder all night. It's great."
random_text[number++] = "Who? Dave Barry?"
random_text[number++] = "It'll be fine, I just...wish people were going to be drunk."
random_text[number++] = "The Dundies, how can I explain it? Awards you like to hate it. I'm psyched you all made it."
random_text[number++] = "And I just want to tell you please, please, do not drink and drive. Because you may hit a bump and spill the drink!"
random_text[number++] = "This says 'Bushiest Beaver.'"
random_text[number++] = "No, no. Cause the ice melts and then it's like second drink!"
random_text[number++] = "And, I feel God in this Chili's tonight. WOOOOOOOO!"
random_text[number++] = "I'm an early bird, and I'm a night owl. So I'm wise, and I have worms."
random_text[number++] = "Every so often, Jim dies of boredom."
random_text[number++] = "You see Dwight's coffee mug? Sometimes when he's not here I try to throw things in it."
random_text[number++] = "You try and hurt Mozart, you're going to get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy. "
random_text[number++] = "Oh, most honorable Pamera. Not offensive, because that's the way they talk in movies."
random_text[number++] = "Sometimes we play 'Who can put the most M&M's in their mouth?'"
random_text[number++] = "We sell beets to local stores and restaurants. It's a nice little farm. Sometimes teenagers use it for sex."
random_text[number++] = "Yeah, I got a game. It's called work hard so my kids can go to college."
random_text[number++] = "I do play games. I sing and I dangle things in front of my cats."
random_text[number++] = "Hey, look! Cool. Carpenter ants."
random_text[number++] = "If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn't hear the other dead people."
random_text[number++] = "Jim, they refer to it as Flonkerton."
random_text[number++] = "There's a basic principle in real estate. That you should never be the best looking person in the development."
random_text[number++] = "Question. Where can I put my terrarium?"
random_text[number++] = "I call it Pam Pong. I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk and goes to reception to talk to you."
random_text[number++] = "Although two bathrooms would have been nice, we just have the one. And it's under the porch. "
random_text[number++] = "Nobody likes beets, Dwight. Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy."
random_text[number++] = "Oh. Thanks. Thanks. It's very cool. It's a three bedroom. Gay friendly."
random_text[number++] = "No, never heard of it. No, a real disability, not a woman's trouble."
random_text[number++] = "You burned your foot on a Foreman Grill?"
random_text[number++] = "I tried hopping Kevin, and I bumped my elbow against the wall and now my elbow has a protruberance."
random_text[number++] = "Hey, Pam, I'm assistant regional manager, and I can take care of him. Part of my duties are to"
random_text[number++] = "Ok, see you later, Pan."
random_text[number++] = "Pam, please. I have Country Crock."
random_text[number++] = "Oh God no, Dwight isn't my friend... Oh my God! Dwight's kind of my friend!"
random_text[number++] = "Get Ryan. He needs to lift me. And he needs to clean me up a little bit. Bring a wet towel."
random_text[number++] = "He grew into a man overnight. Rare disability, still works."
random_text[number++] = "I want to clamp Michael's face in a George Foreman grill."
random_text[number++] = "You know what? We're not that different, you and I. When I clamped my foot into a non-stick..."
random_text[number++] = "The rules of shotgun are very simple and very clear. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion."
random_text[number++] = "Chuck E. Cheese? Oh, God, I'm so sick of Chuck E. Cheese."
random_text[number++] = "You can't fire me. I don't work in this van!"
random_text[number++] = "Doctor, what is more serious, a head injury or a foot injury?"
random_text[number++] = "Me so horny. Me love you long tim."
random_text[number++] = "Hey Dwight, pass the tardy sauce. Get it Michael?"
random_text[number++] = "I am very flattered. I was his second choice after 'Pass.'"
random_text[number++] = "Every success I've ever had at my job or with the lady-folk has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down."
random_text[number++] = "Let's go. The men's room was disgusting."
random_text[number++] = "No thank you, I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear."
random_text[number++] = "We trade on the New York Stock Exchange. Ever heard of it? It's in New York."
random_text[number++] = "Angela, you seem so happy. I bet you wish you were like this all the time."
random_text[number++] = "'Schruted' it. It's just this thing that people say around your office all the time."
random_text[number++] = "I don't know. Who knows how words are formed."
random_text[number++] = "Um... Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi."
random_text[number++] = "You sounded like my niece, and she's six months old!"
random_text[number++] = "I never take vacations, I never get sick, and I don't celebrate any major holidays."
random_text[number++] = "You know what they say? Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice, strike three."
random_text[number++] = "Well, I like pretty women who have the appearance of intelligence."
random_text[number++] = "And where it asks to state your business, he wrote 'Beeswax. Not yours, Inc.'"
random_text[number++] = "I overslept. Damn rooster didn't crow."
random_text[number++] = "But remember, while today it is me, we all shall fall. In other words, I am quitting. So... "
random_text[number++] = "Oomp-a-Loomp-a-Doompity-Dawesome, Dwight is now gone which is totally awesome."
random_text[number++] = "Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy? No, he was not. He was a total douche. Doopity-doomp."
random_text[number++] = "Dwight will be missed. Not by me so much, but, he will be missed."
random_text[number++] = "One of my life goals was to die right here in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered."
random_text[number++] = "And when I came to, I had an epiphery."
random_text[number++] = "Then you take these bad boys and clip them anywhere on the engine. Then you take these and clip them wherever."
random_text[number++] = "You just twist your hand until something breaks."
random_text[number++] = "Number eight, learn how to take off a woman's bra. We will demonstrate on Pam."
random_text[number++] = "This may be Phyllis' only wedding ever. ... So I am instituting prima nocta."
random_text[number++] = "I'm sorry. I had a very different understanding as to what prima nocta meant."
random_text[number++] = "Actually, it's more of a guy's afternoon in. A G-A-I. A gay."
random_text[number++] = "It's a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. An hour long shower with guys."
random_text[number++] = "It's not really any of my business, but I've gotten pretty good at reading the back of Jim's neck."
random_text[number++] = "Halpert! Tall, queer, handsome as ever."
random_text[number++] = "Okay. Co-ed naked strippers in this office. For realsies."
random_text[number++] = "SHUT UP ANGELA!"
random_text[number++] = "Ruddy cheeks, thick calves, no tats, no moles, no tats."
random_text[number++] = "Michael referred me to a male strip club called Banana Slings."
random_text[number++] = "Is she hot? Text back, 'Kind of.'"
random_text[number++] = "Michael, Dwight would like your man meat."
random_text[number++] = "You know what I find sexy? Pam's art. She's an artist and I appreciate that. It's very moving and sexy. The art."
random_text[number++] = "You smell like Tide detergent. Do you use Tide detergent?"
random_text[number++] = "Well, Ben Franklin, you're really kind of a sleezebag."
random_text[number++] = "Stripper? Could I ask you a question about women? Um, should I tell my girlfriend that you danced up on me?"
random_text[number++] = "I don't care what Jim says, that is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure."
random_text[number++] = "Really makes you wonder how Ben Franklin can become president, but someone like Elizabeth can't."
random_text[number++] = "She's prettier than you though."
random_text[number++] = "That's a very rude thing to say, Kevin."
random_text[number++] = "Straight teeth. Curly hair. Amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies."
random_text[number++] = "Not that we're all millionaires. ...I'm probably closest."
random_text[number++] = "Moms, primarily. Yep. Soccer moms. Single moms. NASCAR moms. Any type of moms, really."
random_text[number++] = "Man, I would be all over that if I wasn't dating Pam."
random_text[number++] = "You're not prying this out of my hands, but don't tempt me because I'll give it to you!"
random_text[number++] = "No, I didn't. I took back my chair that you took from me, but I didn't take your chair."
random_text[number++] = "Never ever, ever sleep with your boss. I am so lucky that Jan and I only got to second base."
random_text[number++] = "It's weird. Jan use to treat Michael like he was a ten year old, but lately it's like he's five."
random_text[number++] = "Extremely excited? ... Just very? That's cool."
random_text[number++] = "Is he going to be a slacker-loser-wise-ass like Jim was? Or is he going to join the Dwight Army of Champions?"
random_text[number++] = "When you are ready to see the sales office, the sales office will present itself to you. Your journey begins now."
random_text[number++] = "Hey Koselli, the Kos. Cosby. Hey hey hey. I love Jello Pudding pops. My son, Theo, loves Jello Pudding Pops too."
random_text[number++] = "Once a year they bring in a little cart and they give away free pretzels. It's really not a big deal. To some people it is."
random_text[number++] = "And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I'm going to plant my seed in you."
random_text[number++] = "What a pair of Mary's."
random_text[number++] = "Wrong. He's not afraid of anything. Also, I would have accepted snakes."
random_text[number++] = "You need to vanquish fear! One must wrestle fear to the ground. You will now wrestle my cousin Mose!"
random_text[number++] = "Ryan. Don't. Ryan! You don't have to wrestle him. Just get in the coffin. Ryan?"
random_text[number++] = "Michael always said, K.I.S.S. Keep it simple, stupid. Great advice, hurts my feelings every time."
random_text[number++] = "Are we not, are we not, are we not? Are you with me, are you with me? Thank you very much!"
random_text[number++] = "You know what? They're going to be screwed once this whole internet fad is over."
random_text[number++] = "AM or PM?"
random_text[number++] = "Three hundred and sixty four days, till the next Pretzel Day."
random_text[number++] = "'Happy Valentine's Day darling. Love Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.'"
random_text[number++] = "New York, New York. City so nice they named it twice. Manhattan is the other name."
random_text[number++] = "It's me. I'm the bobble head. Yes!"
random_text[number++] = "I hooked up with her on February 13th."
random_text[number++] = "Here it is, heart of New York City, Times Square. Named for the good times you have when you're in it."
random_text[number++] = "Okay, there's a guy pooping in a cardboard box down there."
random_text[number++] = "You mean, like a ham?"
random_text[number++] = "Great Scott!"
random_text[number++] = "Care for it. Feed it. Lovingly, the way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving."
random_text[number++] = "You're evil, like a hobbit."
random_text[number++] = "It's time for our first quarter camaraderie event, so pack a swimsuit, a toothbrush, rubber-soled shoes, and a ski mask."
random_text[number++] = "Last year, Michael's theme was 'Bowl over the Competition!' So guess where we went."
random_text[number++] = "I think you're thinking of The Hunt for Red October."
random_text[number++] = "In an office, when you are ranking people, manager is higher than captain. On a boat, who knows? It's nebulose."
random_text[number++] = "Sometimes you have to just be the boss of dancing."
random_text[number++] = "Do you want us to run aground, woman?!"
random_text[number++] = "You know what? I would save the receptionist. I just wanted to clear that up."
random_text[number++] = "I don't know. Let's break up."
random_text[number++] = "Captain Jack is a fart face. I'm on medication."
random_text[number++] = "BFD. Engaged ain't married."
random_text[number++] = "Never, ever, ever give up."
random_text[number++] = "If it's the same thing, then why did you write 'workspace'?"
random_text[number++] = "Kevin! That's inappropriate."
random_text[number++] = "Wait. What are you writing? Don't write Ebola or mad cow disease. Right? 'Cause I'm suffering from both."
random_text[number++] = "I have tried to treat you all as adults, but obviously I am the only adult here. Number one, inverted penis."
random_text[number++] = "Robin Williams. Oh, man, would I love to go head-to-head with him."
random_text[number++] = "Meredith had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to work or it'll poop on the floor."
random_text[number++] = "Meredith, let's hope the only downsizing that happens to you is that someone downsizes your age."
random_text[number++] = "Is your password Frodo? Did you just change it to Gollum?"
random_text[number++] = "Swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans! So..."
random_text[number++] = "This is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head."
random_text[number++] = "I really hope that Dwight doesn't make me work. Maybe I should sleep with him? ... I'm kidding, kidding. Totally kidding."
random_text[number++] = "This is our warehouse. Or, as I like to call it, the whorehouse. But don't you call it that, I've earned the right."
random_text[number++] = "Darryl Philbin. Then Regis, then Rege, then Roger, then Mister Rogers."
random_text[number++] = "You still getting it regular man? Huh? I mean, I can tell her it's part of the job!"
random_text[number++] = "Uh, 'I'll help, Elwyn Dragonslayer, uh, ten points, power sword!'"
random_text[number++] = "Please don't throw garbage at me."
random_text[number++] = "Hey, there he is! Secret weapon!"
random_text[number++] = "Aw, come on! What is wrong with me today!? Usually hit those!"
random_text[number++] = "Same team, Dwight."
random_text[number++] = "You have the day off. Like coming in an extra day is gonna prevent us from being downsized. Have a good weekend!"
random_text[number++] = "Question, who's the best player in the league? Answer, The Question. Or the Drunkmeister."
random_text[number++] = "Toby's divorced. God, that's hard. That really ripped you up. She got the kids right?"
random_text[number++] = "And I know it's illegal in Pennsylvania, but it's for charity. And I consider myself a great philanderer."
random_text[number++] = "It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it, so family heirloom."
random_text[number++] = "I don't believe you. Continue."
random_text[number++] = "We've remained good friends. Good friends with privileges. Not now, some day."
random_text[number++] = "Comedy is very much alive, as are homeless people."
random_text[number++] = "There's a great soup kitchen in downtown Scranton. Delicious pea soup on Thursdays."
random_text[number++] = "Why are you the way that you are?"
random_text[number++] = "Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not... that way."
random_text[number++] = "I hate so much about the things that you choose to be."
random_text[number++] = "Guys, the Afghanistananies."
random_text[number++] = "Okay, you know what? No. No. AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried."
random_text[number++] = "And I hope to someday live in a world where a person could tell a hilarious AIDS joke. It's one of my dreams."
random_text[number++] = "Dinkin' flicka."
random_text[number++] = "You know, stuff like, 'Fleece it out.' 'Going mach five.' 'Dinkin' flicka.' You know, things us Negroes say."
random_text[number++] = "We really don't do a lot of weddings. We actually don't play in public very often."
random_text[number++] = "Hey Carol, how goes the real estate biz? Is it real good?"
random_text[number++] = "Jan Levinson, I presume?"
random_text[number++] = "Two queens on Casino Night. I am going to drop a deuce on everybody."
random_text[number++] = "Code name Re/Max is here. No sign of Lan Jevinson."
random_text[number++] = "Michael said, 'We must deceive them, so as not to hurt them, and in that way, we honor them.'"
random_text[number++] = "Oh, I steal things all the time. It's just something I do. I stopped caring a long time ago. Honestly, I love stealing things."
random_text[number++] = "Old friends, new lovers, and the disabled! Welcome all!"
random_text[number++] = "Let's get it started! Black-Eyed Crows."
random_text[number++] = "Bluffing is a key part of poker, which is too bad, because I'm not very good at bluffing. ...Did you believe me?"
random_text[number++] = "One beer and one Seven and Seven with eight maraschino cherries, sugar on the rim, blended if you can."
random_text[number++] = "Look, I won! Look I have all the clovers!"
random_text[number++] = "Thanks. I never owned a refrigerator."
random_text[number++] = "I was just... I'm in love with you."
random_text[number++] = "I just needed you to know. Once."
random_text[number++] = "Come on. I don't wanna do that. I wanna be more than that."
random_text[number++] = "Um, I don't know, mom, he's my best friend. Yeah, he's great. Yeah, I think I am."
random_text[number++] = "And we both have to hear Dwight order deer urine over the Internet, so it evens out."
random_text[number++] = "It's my wedding. And I don't want anyone there who has called me a hussy."
random_text[number++] = "Yes, thanks, Fantastic Sam's. Adult Cut Plus. Comes with a shampoo and blow dry."
random_text[number++] = "I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?"
random_text[number++] = "What do you know about conflict resolution? Your answer to everything is to get divorced. So..."
random_text[number++] = "Because in this office, it is 'till death do us part... assuming we don't get downsized."
random_text[number++] = "It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, and God has a really cute sense of humor."
random_text[number++] = "Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day and wants a seat facing the receptionist."
random_text[number++] = "Here is a Kelly complaint: 'Ryan never returns my calls.' Ugh, join the club."
random_text[number++] = "Someone complained that the men's room is 'whites only'. Stanley, you know that's not true."
random_text[number++] = "OK, Ryan. You told Toby that Creed has a distinct old man smell?"
random_text[number++] = "I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious. But they smell like death."
random_text[number++] = "Solution: Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin that will make him uncomfortable."
random_text[number++] = "When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life."
random_text[number++] = "And my middle name is 'Kurt', not 'Fart'."
random_text[number++] = "Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? If they didn't work, everybody would still be in the cage."
random_text[number++] = "'Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert.'"
random_text[number++] = "'Everyone has called me 'Dwayne' all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to.'"
random_text[number++] = "'This morning, I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder.'"
random_text[number++] = "'Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the woman's room. When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can.'"
random_text[number++] = "'Every time I typed my name, it said 'Diapers'.'"
random_text[number++] = "Yeah, I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. And that's how I spent my entire day that day."
random_text[number++] = "I'm sort of an expert at Photoshop, so it turned out fine in the end."
random_text[number++] = "And everyday, for eight years, people have laughed at me. Well, who's laughing now?"
random_text[number++] = "It was a crime of passion, Jan, not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled."
random_text[number++] = "Yeppers."
random_text[number++] = "And Roy was lucky that Dwight only used pepper spray. And not the nunchucks or the throwing stars."
random_text[number++] = "Don't want it. Won't open it. Don't need it. Won't take it."
random_text[number++] = "Wikipedia... is the best thing ever."
random_text[number++] = "Sex, Steve Martin, Terri Hatcher."
random_text[number++] = "I don't think Michael intended to punish me, by putting Ryan back here with Kelly. But, if he did intend that? Wow. Genius."
random_text[number++] = "I am declining to speak first."
random_text[number++] = "Are you wearin' lady clothes? Those look like lady... pants."
random_text[number++] = "So I don't think that this is totally just a woman's suit. At the very least it's bisexual."
random_text[number++] = "Uh, MISSterious. And it is mysterious because the buttons are on the wrong side... that's the mystery."
random_text[number++] = "Make one tiny mistake, you're dead. I made one tiny mistake. I wore woman's clothes."
random_text[number++] = "For example, every year I get a $100 gas card... Can't put a price tag on that."
random_text[number++] = "Yeah, I heard how much Michael makes. I still think he's way over paid."
random_text[number++] = "So the big fella pulls out a sock filled with nickels. Then Schrute grabs a can of hairspray and a lighter---"
random_text[number++] = "Where? I'm gonna smack you in the head with a hammer. Come on, let's go."
random_text[number++] = "What is so stupid about wanting to name a baby Usher? Usher Jennifer Hudson Kapoor."
random_text[number++] = "Pippity poppity, give me the zoppity."
random_text[number++] = "Jim--- Roy--- Look out!"
random_text[number++] = "Were you going to tell me that you hired James Van Der Beek?"
random_text[number++] = "You gonna play it like this? You give me a good raise, or no more sex."
random_text[number++] = "It will be a groundbreaking case when it inevitably goes to trial."
random_text[number++] = "It was a weird day. I accidentally cross-dressed."
random_text[number++] = "All right, Levinson. Here's the rub."
random_text[number++] = "But you know, life is about more... than just salaries. It's about perks. Like having sex with Jan."
random_text[number++] = "So look out Dunder Mifflin'! I mean, look out... in a fun way! You know, not like, I'm gonna hurt you... "
random_text[number++] = "You know who's a real hero? Hiro, from Heroes. That's a hero. Also, Bono."
random_text[number++] = "It's really for anybody with a dream and a belief in magic and a little extra time after school."
random_text[number++] = "Which is unfortunate because as it turns out, Dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs."
random_text[number++] = "I did not become a Lackawanna County Volunteer Sheriff's deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven't."
random_text[number++] = "I enjoy the tangy zip of Miracle Whip."
random_text[number++] = "Stop! This is not Kelly Kapoor story hour."
random_text[number++] = "Smokin' doobies. Doobie brothers, I was smokin' doobies with my brothers. Peace out, Seacrest!"
random_text[number++] = "Have you ever... pooped... a balloon?"
random_text[number++] = "No! You said that I'd be conducting the interview when I walked in here. Now exactly how much pot did you smoke?"
random_text[number++] = "Why do you keep CC'ing me on things that have nothing to do with me?"
random_text[number++] = "Jim is not allowed to talk until after he buys me a coke. Those are the rules of jinx, and they are unflinchingly rigid."
random_text[number++] = "It has to be official, and it has to be urine."
random_text[number++] = "I am ridiculously anti-drug. So anti-drug that I am above suspicion in any way that involves suspicion, or testing of any kind."
random_text[number++] = "Pam, can you take this down? In addition to Toby's urine being tested, I would like to test his blood and his hair."
random_text[number++] = "And I wasn't planning on going to the bathroom, and I don't even know if anything is going to come out, okay?"
random_text[number++] = "A cup could find its way under the urine. It might be an accident. It happens."
random_text[number++] = "My father's name was Dwight Schrute. My grandfather's name was Dwight Schrute. His father's name Dwide Schrude. Amish."
random_text[number++] = "Yes! Thank you! You will get rich quick. We all will!"
random_text[number++] = "When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help!"
random_text[number++] = "Today is my B-day, and people around here just go crazy for it."
random_text[number++] = "Fun fact. I share my birthday with Eva Longoria. So, I have a perfect ice-breaker if I ever meet Terry Hatcher."
random_text[number++] = "Let's get the party started. Not the way I taught you!"
random_text[number++] = "I never really thought about death until Princess Diana died. That was the saddest funeral ever. That and my sister's."
random_text[number++] = "Well, I guess I forgot to give you a donut."
random_text[number++] = "It's 'For the Longest Time,' by William Joel. It's your favorite song."
random_text[number++] = "You're making it worse. I bet Luke Perry's friends don't treat him like this."
random_text[number++] = "It is 11:23 exactly, the exact moment when you emerged from your mother's vaginal canal."
random_text[number++] = "Happy birth moment, Michael."
random_text[number++] = "Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair."
random_text[number++] = "I did, however, tip my urologist, because... I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones."
random_text[number++] = "No cookie.'"
random_text[number++] = "Luke, this is your father. Come set the table for dinner."
random_text[number++] = "Well, you're pretty much driving everyone else here crazy... crazy with worry."
random_text[number++] = "Where have you been? And don't say the bathroom, 'cause I kicked in all the stalls."
random_text[number++] = "You know, give yourself an exam. Those things are like ticking time bags. Alright? Think about it."
random_text[number++] = "Well, apparently in the medicine community, negative means good. Which makes absolutely no sense."
random_text[number++] = "Michael's birthday was actually pretty cool. It was a good day. I don't know... It was a good day."
random_text[number++] = "I put out a bunch of extra candy out on my desk so the kids will come talk to me. ...Like the witch in Hanzel and Gretel."
random_text[number++] = "I am... like Superman, and the people who work here are like citizens of Gotham City."
random_text[number++] = "Why be a dad when you can be a fun uncle? I've never heard of anyone rebelling against their fun uncle."
random_text[number++] = "I'm learning that 'fun' for Kelly is... getting married and having babies. Immediately. With me."
random_text[number++] = "That's your name? Mister Poop?"
random_text[number++] = "Are you Mother Goose?"
random_text[number++] = "Boy have you lost your mind? 'Cause I'll help you find it!"
random_text[number++] = "Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life."
random_text[number++] = "Have you ever seen a foot with four toes?"
random_text[number++] = "I want to be married and have a hundred kids so I can have a hundred friends, and no one can say no to being my friend."
random_text[number++] = "I need a username. And... I have a great one. Little kid lover. That way, people will know exactly where my priorities are at."
random_text[number++] = "Question: Do their pizzas play DVDs?"
random_text[number++] = "Abso-fruit-ly. Fruit. Grapes. Nailed the joke."
random_text[number++] = "'Thank you, Mr. Blank. Thank you very, very, very...'"
random_text[number++] = "It was me against Raj Patel. And I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word 'failure'."
random_text[number++] = "Look, it doesn't matter what you say. It just matters that you're saying something that people care about."
random_text[number++] = "Pam! I'm public speaking. Stop public interrupting me."
random_text[number++] = "The very best of luck to you, Dwight."
random_text[number++] = "I always set it at 69."
random_text[number++] = "Actually, I don't see myself ever getting married."
random_text[number++] = "Blood alone moves the wheels of history!"
random_text[number++] = "WE ARE WARRIORS!"
random_text[number++] = "I captivated the guy who captivated a thousand guys. Can you believe that? A thousand guys?"
random_text[number++] = "Ryan is a temp, and that means that he could go at any time. Am I worried about that? Try scared to death."
random_text[number++] = "Man, this must be torture for you."
random_text[number++] = "So, uh, what's the 411? Any news on the 'P' situation?"
random_text[number++] = "It's Grrrrrrape! Soda."
random_text[number++] = "Hey you know what we could do? We could spread out a blanket in the break room. Have a little picnic, order some 'za. Talk about you know who."
random_text[number++] = "Oh man, you should order milk. Get it?"
random_text[number++] = "Why do I like Hooters? Well I will give you two reasons, the boobs and the hot wings."
random_text[number++] = "Mmmm, sounds yummy. I will have a chicken breast hold the chicken."
random_text[number++] = "Including prep time?"
random_text[number++] = "If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds and nobody would ever know I had ever been here. And I'd forget too."
random_text[number++] = "You're not his friend, you don't know. He is in love with a girl he works with who's engaged. So just cut me some slack. Please?"
random_text[number++] = "You know what Kevin? Jim is a friend of mine, so the only people that this crush really concerns is Jim and Pam... and me."
random_text[number++] = "You are so busted. Ice skates, shopping bags? I think I know what's going on here. You weren't sick at all."
random_text[number++] = "So I can use his malfeasance to establish leverage. Otherwise, it's just malfeasance for malfeasanceses-ses sake."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, I thought that was more on a volunteer basis."
random_text[number++] = "People are always coming to me. 'Michael, I have a secret. You're the only one I trust.'"
random_text[number++] = "An emergency like, you have an ice cream cake, and you're in the sun, and it's melting?"
random_text[number++] = "You don't use it to buy refrigerators, Kevin!"
random_text[number++] = "Drew. I'm Drew now."
random_text[number++] = "I've got a new attitude. And a new name. And... a bunch of new techniques for dealing with the grumpies."
random_text[number++] = "I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday... for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna."
random_text[number++] = "Dwight says that he actually doesn't know one single fact about bear attacks."
random_text[number++] = "Jim, tell him that bears can climb faster than they can run. Jim! Tell him!"
random_text[number++] = "And if I know Darryl, it gonna be zoppity."
random_text[number++] = "'Hey Darryl, how's it hangin'?!'"
random_text[number++] = "Toby now has the floor... and he is going to try not to screw this up, like everything else in his life."
random_text[number++] = "This is shenanigans, foolishness, NERF-ball. You live a sweet, little, NERF-y life. Sittin' on your biscuit. Never havin' to risk it."
random_text[number++] = "What, NERF isn't cool anymore?"
random_text[number++] = "Really, ten? That's your guess? You're a professional accountant."
random_text[number++] = "You go to the science museum and you put your hand on a metal ball, your hair sticks up straight... and you know science."
random_text[number++] = "Indubitably."
random_text[number++] = "Ta-freakin'-da!"
random_text[number++] = "Creed is eating an apple. I found a potato."
random_text[number++] = "Find out whose car that is. If it's Stanley's, call the offices of James P. Albini, see if he handles hate crimes."
random_text[number++] = "When you land, try and land like an eight year-old. These bouncy castles are not designed for adults."
random_text[number++] = "Michael is awesome! Jumpin' off the roof! Bouncin' on the bouncy bounce! Show 'em who's boss! Rip a hole in the suuuuuuun!"
random_text[number++] = "Un-shun. Never. Re-shun."
random_text[number++] = "The stress of my modern office, has caused me to go into a depression."
random_text[number++] = "Dwight, you ignorant slut."
random_text[number++] = "Depression is a very serious illness. Over 32 thousand people commit suicide every year! According to a 2004 study!"
random_text[number++] = "My head is in such pain! And turmoil!"
random_text[number++] = "If someone gives you 10,000 to 1 on anything, you take it. If John Mellencamp ever wins an Oscar, I am going to be a very rich dude."
random_text[number++] = "I Braveheart."
random_text[number++] = "I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? I really can't say. But, yes."
random_text[number++] = "You look as beautiful as the Queen of England."
random_text[number++] = "We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic, but the weddings are a bleak affair."
random_text[number++] = "Wow. That is... that is pungent. I lost my train of thought."
random_text[number++] = "There are too many people on this Earth. We need a new plague."
random_text[number++] = "I look really good in white."
random_text[number++] = "Congratulations, Phyllis. You look lovely. Your dress is very white. So white, my eyes are burning."
random_text[number++] = "Attention, please. I am supposed to ask if anyone has seen Uncle Al. He is old and has brown eyes and dementia."
random_text[number++] = "Webster's Dictionary defines 'wedding' as the fusing of two metals with a hot torch."
random_text[number++] = "For your convenience, I've broken it down into three parts: professional resume, athletic and special skills resume, and Dwight Schrute trivia."
random_text[number++] = "How would I describe myself? Three words. Hard-working, Alpha male, Jackhammer, Merciless, Insatiable."
random_text[number++] = "All four parts. Recorded it on my computer. It took me forever."
random_text[number++] = "I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, hello, Oscar. How was your gay-cation?"
random_text[number++] = "Gonna go home. Get my beer on. Get my 'Lost' on."
random_text[number++] = "Which is like, 'Right on.' And Pam was like 'blah blah blah' and you were like 'Yeah, psht.' Nailed it."
random_text[number++] = "He's always up in my bidness. Which is ebonics for 'being in my face and annoying the bejesus out of me.'"
random_text[number++] = "I don't understand how someone could have so little self-awareness."
random_text[number++] = "Your gayness does not define you. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you to me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar's Mexicanity."
random_text[number++] = "So Phyllis... I want you to go find firecrackers. And a Chihuahua. Pam, in the frozen food section, Swanson makes a delightful chimichanga."
random_text[number++] = "I will literally be standing right here if you need anything at all."
random_text[number++] = "Who's that sportscaster that bit that lady? Marv something? Andy is like Marv Something. Great sportscaster. Big weirdo creep."
random_text[number++] = "Dwight has a big personality and I have a big personality. And a lot of times when two people like that get together it can be explosive."
random_text[number++] = "I don't trust you, Phyllis!"
random_text[number++] = "Here's a little newsflash! It's not funny! In fact, it's pretty freakin' unfunny!"
random_text[number++] = "That... was an overreaction. Gonna hit the break room. Does anybody want anything? Pam, you good?"
random_text[number++] = "It takes a big man to admit his mistake. And I am that big man."
random_text[number++] = "I think we broke his brain."
random_text[number++] = "No, let the record show that Dwight K. Schrute is now completely nude and is holding a plastic knife to Stanley's neck?!"
random_text[number++] = "Dwight, what is that on your stomach? Is that a Muppet Babies tattoo?"
random_text[number++] = "I am now chopping off Phyllis' head with a chainsaw! ... Rin-in-in-in-in-in!"
random_text[number++] = "You are not as much fun as your Jamaican brothers... mon."
random_text[number++] = "He said it would be like we were living together. In different houses. Two blocks away."
random_text[number++] = "Feelin' hot, hot, hot! That's all I know so far, but I'm gonna keep practicing."
random_text[number++] = "Inventory is boring. In the islands, they don't make you do stuff like take inventory. Why do you think so many businesses move to the Caymans?"
random_text[number++] = "How hard is a luau? All you need are some grass skirts, pineapple, poi, tiki torches, suckling pig, some fire dancers. That's all you need."
random_text[number++] = "No, no, no. No, that's a German woman named Urkel Grue."
random_text[number++] = "Sex. We had sex. I had sex with her. I had sex with Jan."
random_text[number++] = "OK, wait a second. I sent it to you at... Packer@DunderMifflin.com... Packaging'@DunderMifflin.com. Uh oh."
random_text[number++] = "Boring. Call me if she rolls over."
random_text[number++] = "It contains a file, a picture. The file name is 'Jamaican Jan Sun Princess.'"
random_text[number++] = "I help Phyllis all the time. Just yesterday, I untangled a piece of tape from her hair. So, yeah."
random_text[number++] = "I bet you would love all the details, wouldn't you? Skeevy little perv."
random_text[number++] = "No, no, no. I am not dating Jan. She was very clear about that."
random_text[number++] = "Did you try the petting zoo?"
random_text[number++] = "Tell her I'm not here. Tell... tell her, I ran out for cash. I hit a deer. I hit a deer with my car. Tell her I hit a cat. Tell her I hit a cat."
random_text[number++] = "So you're PMSing pretty bad, huh?"
random_text[number++] = "And I, to you, in addition, feel the same feelings that you are as well."
random_text[number++] = "Jan, you... complete... me."
random_text[number++] = "What am I going to do? I'm gonna hang it up at home. I don't have a lot of art."
random_text[number++] = "I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks."
random_text[number++] = "You ruined a funny joke, you. Get out of my offive."
random_text[number++] = "If you bring your boss to class, it automatically bumps you up a full letter grade. So... I'd be stupid not to do it, right?"
random_text[number++] = "Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing."
random_text[number++] = "May your hats fly as high as your dreams."
random_text[number++] = "Pam's with Roy. I'm with Karen. And, uh, Brangelina is with Frangelina. Movin' on."
random_text[number++] = "Campus. Brings back so many memories. ... That I would have made."
random_text[number++] = "Poop is raining from the ceilings. Poop!"
random_text[number++] = "The bat, I mean, I know I felt it bite me, but look. There's no mark. I feel so... tingly... so strangely powerful... Oh well."
random_text[number++] = "There are four kinds of business: Tourism. Food service. Railroads, and sales. And hospitals slash manufacturing. And air travel."
random_text[number++] = "If a vampire bat was in the U.S., it would make sense for it to come to a 'sylvania.' Like PENN-sylvania."
random_text[number++] = "Or... a Whatchamacallit. Now, you need to sell those in order to have a PayDay. And, if you sell enough of them, you will make a 100 Grand. Satisfied?"
random_text[number++] = "The more stickers you sell, the more profit, fancy word for money, you have to buy PlayStations and Beanie Babies."
random_text[number++] = "But I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog."
random_text[number++] = "You know what else is facing five Goliaths? America. Al-Qaeda, global warming, sex predators... mercury poisoning."
random_text[number++] = "Ryan... has never made a sale. And he started a fire trying to make a cheesy pita. And everybody thinks he's a tease."
random_text[number++] = "Business is always personal. It's the most personal thing in the world."
random_text[number++] = "It's cool if I go, right? I mean, I looked at all of them."
random_text[number++] = "Your art.. was the prettiest art of... all art."
random_text[number++] = "Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica."
random_text[number++] = "Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!"
random_text[number++] = "I am upset. Don't I sound upset?"
random_text[number++] = "Everybody in here. STAT. No time to lose. Cri-Man-Squa. F and C, doubletime."
random_text[number++] = "Midnight, Oscar!'"
random_text[number++] = "This day is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. This day is bananas! B-A-N-A-"
random_text[number++] = "I don't have a headache. I'm just preparing."
random_text[number++] = "I need two men on this. That's what she said. No time! But she did. NO TIME!"
random_text[number++] = "That's what happened to O.J."
random_text[number++] = "I will do whatever it takes to survive. Like I did... when I was a homeless man."
random_text[number++] = "I like ice cream too, mate. Alligators and dingo babies."
random_text[number++] = "Beer me!"
random_text[number++] = "I always say 'Beer me.' Gets a laugh like a quarter of the time."
random_text[number++] = "Check out this sunshine, man. Global warming, right? Today was supposed to be really cold, I bet."
random_text[number++] = "Lord, beer me strength."
random_text[number++] = "Those are the money beets."
random_text[number++] = "Mrs. Allen is our most important client... because every client is our most important client. Even though she's a pretty unimportant client, really."
random_text[number++] = "Not important. Because you're not dating her. Because it's a felony."
random_text[number++] = "May I point out that the sex appeared to be consensual? Both animals were smiling."
random_text[number++] = "Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doin' a goat, couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right."
random_text[number++] = "I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable."
random_text[number++] = "Yeah, well I'm calling the Ungrateful Bi-atch Hotline!"
random_text[number++] = "By now you are probably sick of hearing about Dunder Mifflin and our embarrassing watermark boner."
random_text[number++] = "Uh, you could never withstand a SWAT team."
random_text[number++] = "If I could leave you with one thought, remember... it wasn't me."
random_text[number++] = "If I am fired, I swear to God, that every single piece of copier paper in this town is going to have the F-word on it. The F-word. You have one day."
random_text[number++] = "I feel terrible about Debbie Brown. She got fired because of Dwight."
random_text[number++] = "Ah-luh-luh, a little comment. Muh."
random_text[number++] = "Hey, Karen, wanna get t-together later and have sexual intercourse cause you're my girlfriend?"
random_text[number++] = "MAGIC MAGIC Magic Magic magic magic..."
random_text[number++] = "And now, Michael the Magic, will attempt to escape from extreme bondage."
random_text[number++] = "Separately, on an unrelated note, if you happen to find a small brass key..."
random_text[number++] = "Ready? Come on guys. Early worm gets the worm."
random_text[number++] = "Another worm? Like, are they friends?"
random_text[number++] = "Let me smell. ... Good, not great."
random_text[number++] = "So, look out world, cause ol' Pammy is getting what she wants. And, don't call me Pammy."
random_text[number++] = "Only really good friends show up early. Ergo de facto. Go to a party really early. Become a really good friend."
random_text[number++] = "It's been sitting in my car all day. Sun beating down on the mayonnaise. Just, you never know."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, you know that line on the top of the shrimp? That's feces."
random_text[number++] = "Downside? I, uh, date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star."
random_text[number++] = "Why is this so hard? That's what she said. Oh my God. What am I saying?"
random_text[number++] = "Do you ever watch Battlestar Galactica? No? Then you are an idiot."
random_text[number++] = "I'm the only one left. Everyone else was either fired or quit. And there is one in Anger Management."
random_text[number++] = "I run a small fake ID company from my car with a laminating machine I swiped from the sheriff's station."
random_text[number++] = "Why are we going in the bathroom? I thought this is where you liked your privacy."
random_text[number++] = "Oh good, you're up. Hey, who makes this chair?"
random_text[number++] = "I found some termite damage in a crawl space and some structural flaws in the foundation so all in all, it was a pretty fun cocktail party."
random_text[number++] = "I want the house, Jan. I want the picket fence. I want the ketchup fights and the tickling, and the giggling."
random_text[number++] = "Don't break up you guys, you're great together."
random_text[number++] = "I'm gonna kill Jim Halpert."
random_text[number++] = "OK, I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disadulation."
random_text[number++] = "I think I just got flashed."
random_text[number++] = "OK, I'll call the real police."
random_text[number++] = "The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what's all the fuss?"
random_text[number++] = "If that's flashing, then lock me up."
random_text[number++] = "Um... I mean did he even see Pam? Or, uh... Karen from behind?"
random_text[number++] = "Oh, come on. We are laughing at Phyllis, but she's not even here, so no harm, no foul."
random_text[number++] = "Uh-huh. Prove it. Let's see your penis. ... ... I... you know, as that was coming out of my mouth, I knew that it was wrong."
random_text[number++] = "And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop. Although last time... she pretended she didn't hear me."
random_text[number++] = "For example, Jan and I have a safe word in case things go too far. Foliage. "
random_text[number++] = "Better 1,000 innocent men are locked up than one guilty man roam free."
random_text[number++] = "There are several penises there I'd love Phyllis to run her eyes over. You know, see if we can catch this pervert."
random_text[number++] = "Dwight, are those your pants? That's a Polaroid. "
random_text[number++] = "And I know... I know what you're thinking. [Pam nods] Won't that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take."
random_text[number++] = "Phallus?"
random_text[number++] = "Phyllis, sorry. I've got penises on the brain. Back to work, everybody."
random_text[number++] = "Especially if it had been Jim. He would not have wanted me to have seen Jim's... Whoo, I am... I am saying a lot of things."
random_text[number++] = "Attention. I am removing all bananas from the kitchen."
random_text[number++] = "If Pam wants to show more cleavage, she should be able to. I encourage that."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, I don't know, James. Did I come from a woman? Have I slept with a woman? More than one?"
random_text[number++] = "Those are collectible action figures and they're worth more than your car."
random_text[number++] = "You know what? I am the expert. I will conduct it. I know the crap out of women."
random_text[number++] = "Nobody likes to be flashed. When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party, I nearly vomited."
random_text[number++] = "Even the hot ones aren't really that skinny."
random_text[number++] = "No. I'm being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist."
random_text[number++] = "Michael. When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian."
random_text[number++] = "My car, my rules."
random_text[number++] = "I think you mean a girl's locker room. And in the fantasy, there's usually girls in it."
random_text[number++] = "Many women are competent drivers."
random_text[number++] = "This is what we know'."
random_text[number++] = "I figured. It's cool. I don't <20> I wouldn't want to be in an office relationship anyway."
random_text[number++] = "What is a Pap smear? Or is it 'shmear?' Like the cream cheese."
random_text[number++] = "Awesome. Um, awful, I mean. But, uh, sometimes awesome."
random_text[number++] = "I just... I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress."
random_text[number++] = "Sometimes, the clothes at GapKids are just too flashy. So I'm forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls."
random_text[number++] = "Jan says anything that doesn't scare us is not worth doing."
random_text[number++] = "I don't know. Maybe we're different people. I like cuddling and spooning and she likes videotaping us during sex."
random_text[number++] = "And then watching it back right afterward to improve my form."
random_text[number++] = "No, it's not that bad. The worst part is that she shows it to her therapist and they discuss it."
random_text[number++] = "You guys... what are we gonna do about Jan?"
random_text[number++] = "Breasts: not anything to write home about. Insecure about body. I'm unhappy when I'm with her. Flat-chested."
random_text[number++] = "She's totally flat. Shrunken chesticles."
random_text[number++] = "But... for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked."
random_text[number++] = "I'm a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing. I like to go in the women's room for number two. I've been caught several times and I have paid dearly."
random_text[number++] = "You know what, I would love to buy you a fresh set of underwear."
random_text[number++] = "Do you have a... a crescent? A crescent Allan?"
random_text[number++] = "Dunder-Mifflin paper/sex predator hotline, this is Dwight Schrute."
random_text[number++] = "Not it. I don't have eggs."
random_text[number++] = "About 40 times a year, Michael gets really sick, but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, is it possible you ate food that contained animal waste?"
random_text[number++] = "It was never my intention to ruin a life. But you know what? Sometimes... you just gots to get your freak on."
random_text[number++] = "May God guide you in your quest."
random_text[number++] = "Michael is taking the whole office to the beach. So I'm wearing my bathing suit underneath my shirt. Oh, yeah... I packed it in my purse."
random_text[number++] = "Oscar, you brought your Speedo, I assume?"
random_text[number++] = "Well, you can't swim in leather pants. I'm just yankin' your chain. Not literally."
random_text[number++] = "I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head."
random_text[number++] = "I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted."
random_text[number++] = "If you don't like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus."
random_text[number++] = "I hope there will be management parables."
random_text[number++] = "Jim Halpert. Pros: smart, cool, good-looking. Remind you of anybody you know?"
random_text[number++] = "Dwight is an obvious candidate for my job. He has the best sales record in the office. He loves the work. He is, however, an idiot."
random_text[number++] = "No, the blue team."
random_text[number++] = "Andy Bernard. Pros: He's classy. He gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him."
random_text[number++] = "There's already a twist, you're carrying an egg on a spoon."
random_text[number++] = "I see these contests as an opportunity for me to demonstrate what a good sport I am. Mallard!"
random_text[number++] = "There's nothing better than a beautiful day at the beach, filled with sun, surf, and uh... diligent note-taking."
random_text[number++] = "Just eat it, eat it, Phyllis. Dip it in the water so it'll slide down your gullet more easily."
random_text[number++] = "The winner gets a regional manager's salary for a year, and a Sebring, and the feeling that they are making a difference in the world."
random_text[number++] = "I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than work for somebody else in this office besides myself. Game on!"
random_text[number++] = "Nobody told me we were going to have hot dogs!"
random_text[number++] = "Now I am saying sabotage. The ancient Dutch art of screwing up your own team."
random_text[number++] = "If Michael organizes some kind of group hug, stand next to me."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, my God. I have never seen that look in a man's eyes... ever. I thought that I might die. On beach day."
random_text[number++] = "I think I might try girls for a while. Angela thinks I can cross over. We'll see."
random_text[number++] = "Angela, it's pretty simple! Look at what I'm doing and go tell somebody about it!"
random_text[number++] = "At various times you gave Jim ten points, Dwight a gold star, and Stanley a thumbs up. And I don't really know how to compare those units."
random_text[number++] = "How so? I mean... sure thing, that sounds smart... I can't do this anymore! I'm goin' to sit in the bus."
random_text[number++] = "I'm gonna do it. And I fully expect to burn my feet and go to the hospital."
random_text[number++] = "Hello? Who's there? My name is Andrew Bernard, I was with a group called Dunder Mifflin. Hello?"
random_text[number++] = "Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And now we're not even friends."
random_text[number++] = "What's different about you? You look worse."
random_text[number++] = "What's up, Big Haircut? You are no longer Big Tuna. From henceforth, you shall be known as Big Haircut."
random_text[number++] = "Karen suggested that I get a haircut for the interview tomorrow so that I could look presentable and not, as she so lovingly puts it, homeless."
random_text[number++] = "Pam is... kind of a bitch."
random_text[number++] = "Convoys are really fun. Pull up next to each other, give each other the finger... Moon each other."
random_text[number++] = "Are you kidding? I would have never done that. It was pathetic-ville. No offense, Pam."
random_text[number++] = "You know what? Don't even worry about it. Everyone was so drunk, I bet no one even remembers what you said."
random_text[number++] = "www.creedthoughts.gov.www/creedthoughts. Check it out."
random_text[number++] = "I sold it on eBay. The buyer was very motivated, as was I. It went for eighty percent of what I paid. Sold in record time."
random_text[number++] = "My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified."
random_text[number++] = "Pam, Defcon ten. Houston, we have a problem."
random_text[number++] = "Weird. Yeah, I didn't get both of your messages."
random_text[number++] = "No, it's fine. I'm sure it must have been weird for Jim when Roy and I were joking around... that one time."
random_text[number++] = "I would never do that. Waste of money. In my experience, guys are way more attracted to the back of you than the front."
random_text[number++] = "I am gonna be your new boss. It's my greatest dream come true. Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check in time is now. Check out time is never."
random_text[number++] = "No. And the sheets are made of fire."
random_text[number++] = "Sorry, we're all booked up. Hell convention in town."
random_text[number++] = "You're not the manager even in your own fantasy?"
random_text[number++] = "I'm the owner. The co-owner. With Satan!"
random_text[number++] = "Okay, just so I understand it, in your wildest fantasy you are in Hell and you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil?"
random_text[number++] = "I love fake boobs. Often times, you find them on strippers."
random_text[number++] = "I find it offensive. Au natural, baby. That's how I like 'em. Swing low, sweet chariots."
random_text[number++] = "I'll tell you this, it is not because of the boob job. Excuse me, boob enhancement."
random_text[number++] = "That would be shallow. And this is the opposite of shallow. This is... emotionally magnificent."
random_text[number++] = "Cause I am what I am. ... That's Popeye."
random_text[number++] = "I agree. But in another way, I am off to a very good start, wouldn't you say?"
random_text[number++] = "I am a great interviewee. Why? Because I have something no one else has: my brain. Which I use to my advantage, when advantageous."
random_text[number++] = "Your advice was good, but Jan's was bigger."
random_text[number++] = "That is Beardy."
random_text[number++] = "Just say, 'I want to squeeze them.' It's code. She'll know what it means."
random_text[number++] = "I learned from Jim, if Dwight ever asks you to accept something secret... you reply, 'Absolutely, I do.'"
random_text[number++] = "So ten thousand of your dollars is worth one real dollar?"
random_text[number++] = "There's a new sheriff here in these offices, and his name is 'me.'"
random_text[number++] = "In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley Nickels if you never talk to me again."
random_text[number++] = "What's the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks?"
random_text[number++] = "The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns."
random_text[number++] = "Is it because of these?"
random_text[number++] = "Hey! You're<i/> unstable!"
random_text[number++] = "David, I did not tell her."
random_text[number++] = "I could wear stretch pants and wait for you to come home at 5:15. It could work. This could work, really!"
random_text[number++] = "Why is my office black?"
random_text[number++] = "So I'm back. And I am never, ever going to leave. I am going nowhere."
random_text[number++] = "This place... is like... the hospital where I was born, my house, my old age home, and my... graveyard... for my bones."
random_text[number++] = "But, uh, until then... I can hold my head up. ... I'm not gay."
random_text[number++] = "Pam. Sorry. Um, are you free for dinner tonight?"
random_text[number++] = "All right. Then... it's a date."
random_text[number++] = "I'm sorry, what was the question?"
random_text[number++] = "Oh no, it's bad. It's real bad. It's like eating a hot circle of garbage."
random_text[number++] = "No, you don't even know what stupid is. It's about to get all stupid up in here!"
random_text[number++] = "Stanley, could you look up 'accomplices'?"
random_text[number++] = "I'm not kidnapping him, I'm keeping him until I get what I want."
random_text[number++] = "Yes, is Alfredo there? Can I speak to a manager then?"
random_text[number++] = "We're all accomplices now anyway, so we figured we might as well eat."
random_text[number++] = "We would like to order some good pizza, from Alfredo's Pizza Cafe, while we wait for the hostage situation with the bad pizza to end."
random_text[number++] = "I stole it!"
random_text[number++] = "If anyone out there is listening, I'm being held here against my will. I'm a minor."
random_text[number++] = "If you're going number one you've got ten more seconds!"
random_text[number++] = "Oh my God, oh my God, no, no, no. I kidnapped a kid."
random_text[number++] = "Take a chance on me, that's all I ask of you Angela."
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<p><a href="/">Home</a><br />
<a href="/contactMe.php">Contact Me</a><br />
<a href="/topQuotes.php">Top Quotes</a><br />
<a href="/fanLove.php">Fan Love</a><br />
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<a href="/linksPage.php">Links</a></p>
<p><u><b>Season I</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no1-01.php">Pilot</a><br />
02. <a href="/no1-02.php">Diversity Day</a><br />
03. <a href="/no1-03.php">Health Care</a><br />
04. <a href="/no1-04.php">The Alliance</a><br />
05. <a href="/no1-05.php">Basketball</a><br />
06. <a href="/no1-06.php">Hot Girl</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season II</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no2-01.php">The Dundies</a><br />
02. <a href="/no2-02.php">Sexual Harassment</a><br />
03. <a href="/no2-03.php">Office Olympics</a><br />
04. <a href="/no2-04.php">The Fire</a><br />
05. <a href="/no2-05.php">Halloween</a><br />
06. <a href="/no2-06.php">The Fight</a><br />
07. <a href="/no2-07.php">The Client</a><br />
08. <a href="/no2-08.php">Performance Review</a><br />
09. <a href="/no2-09.php">E-mail Surveillance</a><br />
10. <a href="/no2-10.php">Christmas Party</a><br />
11. <a href="/no2-11.php">Booze Cruise</a><br />
12. <a href="/no2-12.php">The Injury</a><br />
13. <a href="/no2-13.php">The Secret</a><br />
14. <a href="/no2-14.php">The Carpet</a><br />
15. <a href="/no2-15.php">Boys and Girls</a><br />
16. <a href="/no2-16.php">Valentine&#8217;s Day</a><br />
17. <a href="/no2-17.php">Dwight&#8217;s Speech</a><br />
18. <a href="/no2-18.php">Take Your Daughter to Work Day</a><br />
19. <a href="/no2-19.php">Michael&#8217;s Birthday</a><br />
20. <a href="/no2-20.php">Drug Testing</a><br />
21. <a href="/no2-21.php">Conflict Resolution</a><br />
22. <a href="/no2-22.php">Casino Night</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season III</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no3-01.php">Gay Witch Hunt</a><br />
02. <a href="/no3-02.php">The Convention</a><br />
03. <a href="/no3-03.php">The Coup</a><br />
04. <a href="/no3-04.php">Grief Counseling</a><br />
05. <a href="/no3-05.php">Initiation</a><br />
06. <a href="/no3-06.php">Diwali</a><br />
07. <a href="/no3-07.php">Branch Closing</a><br />
08. <a href="/no3-08.php">The Merger</a><br />
09. <a href="/no3-09.php">The Convict</a><br />
10. <a href="/no3-10.php">A Benihana Christmas</a><br />
11. <a href="/no3-11.php">Back From Vacation</a><br />
12. <a href="/no3-12.php">Traveling Salesmen</a><br />
13. <a href="/no3-13.php">The Return</a><br />
14. <a href="/no3-14.php">Ben Franklin</a><br />
15. <a href="/no3-15.php">Phyllis&#8217; Wedding</a><br />
16. <a href="/no3-16.php">Business School</a><br />
17. <a href="/no3-17.php">Cocktails</a><br />
18. <a href="/no3-18.php">The Negotiation</a><br />
19. <a href="/no3-19.php">Safety Training</a><br />
20. <a href="/no3-20.php">Product Recall</a><br />
21. <a href="/no3-21.php">Women&#8217;s Appreciation</a><br />
22. <a href="/no3-22.php">Beach Games</a><br />
23. <a href="/no3-23.php">The Job</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season IV</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no4-01.php">Fun Run</a><br />
02. <a href="/no4-02.php">Dunder Mifflin Infinity</a><br />
03. <a href="/no4-03.php">Launch Party</a><br />
04. <a href="/no4-04.php">Money</a><br />
05. <a href="/no4-05.php">Local Ad</a><br />
06. <a href="/no4-06.php">Branch Wars</a><br />
07. <a href="/no4-07.php">Survivor Man</a><br />
08. <a href="/no4-08.php">The Deposition</a><br />
09. <a href="/no4-09.php">Dinner Party</a><br />
10. <a href="/no4-10.php">Chair Model</a><br />
11. <a href="/no4-11.php">Night Out</a><br />
12. <a href="/no4-12.php">Did I Stutter?</a><br />
13. <a href="/no4-13.php">Job Fair</a><br />
14. <a href="/no4-14.php">Goodbye Toby</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season V</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no5-01.php">Weight Loss</a><br />
02. <a href="/no5-02.php">Business Ethics</a><br />
03. <a href="/no5-03.php">Baby Shower</a><br />
04. <a href="/no5-04.php">Crime Aid</a><br />
05. <a href="/no5-05.php">Employee Transfer</a><br />
06. <a href="/no5-06.php">Customer Survey</a><br />
07. <a href="/no5-07.php">Business Trip</a><br />
08. <a href="/no5-08.php">Frame Toby</a><br />
09. <a href="/no5-09.php">The Surplus</a><br />
10. <a href="/no5-10.php">Moroccan Christmas</a><br />
11. <a href="/no5-11.php">The Duel</a><br />
12. <a href="/no5-12.php">Prince Family Paper</a><br />
13. <a href="/no5-13.php">Stress Relief</a><br />
14. <a href="/no5-14.php">Lecture Circuit 1</a><br />
15. <a href="/no5-15.php">Lecture Circuit 2</a><br />
16. <a href="/no5-16.php">Blood Drive</a><br />
17. <a href="/no5-17.php">Golden Ticket</a><br />
18. <a href="/no5-18.php">New Boss</a><br />
19. <a href="/no5-19.php">Two Weeks</a><br />
20. <a href="/no5-20.php">Dream Team</a><br />
21. <a href="/no5-21.php">Michael Scott Paper Company</a><br />
22. <a href="/no5-22.php">Heavy Competition</a><br />
23. <a href="/no5-23.php">Broke</a><br />
24. <a href="/no5-24.php">Casual Friday</a><br />
25. <a href="/no5-25.php">Cafe Disco</a><br />
26. <a href="/no5-26.php">Company Picnic</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season VI</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no6-01.php">Gossip</a><br />
02. <a href="/no6-02.php">The Meeting</a><br />
03. <a href="/no6-03.php">The Promotion</a><br />
04. <a href="/no6-04.php">Niagara</a><br />
05. <a href="/no6-05.php">Mafia</a><br />
06. <a href="/no6-06.php">The Lover</a><br />
07. <a href="/no6-07.php">Koi Pond</a><br />
08. <a href="/no6-08.php">Double Date</a><br />
09. <a href="/no6-09.php">Murder</a><br />
10. <a href="/no6-10.php">Shareholder Meeting</a><br />
11. <a href="/no6-11.php">Scott&#8217;s Tots</a><br />
12. <a href="/no6-12.php">Secret Santa</a><br />
13. <a href="/no6-13.php">The Banker</a><br />
14. <a href="/no6-14.php">Sabre</a><br />
15. <a href="/no6-15.php">Manager and Salesman</a><br />
16. <a href="/no6-16.php">The Delivery</a><br />
17. <a href="/no6-17.php">St. Patrick&#8217;s Day</a><br />
18. <a href="/no6-18.php">New Leads</a><br />
19. <a href="/no6-19.php">Happy Hour</a><br />
20. <a href="/no6-20.php">Secretary&#8217;s Day</a><br />
21. <a href="/no6-21.php">Body Language</a><br />
22. <a href="/no6-22.php">The Cover-Up</a><br />
23. <a href="/no6-23.php">The Chump</a><br />
24. <a href="/no6-24.php">Whistleblower</a></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><u><b>Season VII</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no7-01.php">Nepotism</a><br />
02. <a href="/no7-02.php">Counseling</a><br />
03. <a href="/no7-03.php">Andy&#8217;s Play</a><br />
04. <a href="/no7-04.php">Sex Ed</a><br />
05. <a href="/no7-05.php">The Sting</a><br />
06. <a href="/no7-06.php">Costume Contest</a><br />
07. <a href="/no7-07.php">Christening</a><br />
08. <a href="/no7-08.php">Viewing Party</a><br />
09. <a href="/no7-09.php">WUPHF.com</a><br />
10. <a href="/no7-10.php">China</a><br />
11. <a href="/no7-11.php">Classy Christmas</a><br />
12. <a href="/no7-12.php">Ultimatum</a><br />
13. <a href="/no7-13.php">The Seminar</a><br />
14. <a href="/no7-14.php">The Search</a><br />
15. <a href="/no7-15.php">PDA</a><br />
16. <a href="/no7-16.php">Threat Level Midnight</a><br />
17. <a href="/no7-17.php">Todd Packer</a><br />
18. <a href="/no7-18.php">Garage Sale</a><br />
19. <a href="/no7-19.php">Trainin Day</a><br />
20. <a href="/no7-20.php">Michael&#8217;s Last Dundies</a><br />
21. <a href="/no7-21.php">Goodbye Michael</a><br />
22. <a href="/no7-22.php">The Inner Circle</a><br />
23. <a href="/no7-23.php">Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager</a><br />
24. <a href="/no7-24.php">Search Committee</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season VIII</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no8-01.php">The List</a><br />
02. <a href="/no8-02.php">The Incentive</a><br />
03. <a href="/no8-03.php">Lotto</a><br />
04. <a href="/no8-04.php">Garden Party</a><br />
05. <a href="/no8-05.php">Spooked</a><br />
06. <a href="/no8-06.php">Doomsday</a><br />
07. <a href="/no8-07.php">Pam&#8217;s Replacement</a><br />
08. <a href="/no8-08.php">Gettysburg</a><br />
09. <a href="/no8-09.php">Mrs. California</a><br />
10. <a href="/no8-10.php">Christmas Wishes</a><br />
11. <a href="/no8-11.php">Trivia</a><br />
12. <a href="/no8-12.php">Pool Party</a><br />
13. <a href="/no8-13.php">Jury Duty</a><br />
14. <a href="/no8-14.php">Special Project</a><br />
15. <a href="/no8-15.php">Tallahasse</a><br />
16. <a href="/no8-16.php">After Hours</a><br />
17. <a href="/no8-17.php">Test the Store</a><br />
18. <a href="/no8-18.php">Last Day In Florida</a><br />
19. <a href="/no8-19.php">Get The Girl</a><br />
20. <a href="/no8-20.php">Welcome Party</a><br />
21. <a href="/no8-21.php">Angry Andy</a><br />
22. <a href="/no8-22.php">Fundraiser</a><br />
23. <a href="/no8-23.php">Turf War</a><br />
24. <a href="/no8-24.php">Free Family Portrait Studio</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season IX</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no9-01.php">New Guys</a><br />
02. <a href="/no9-02.php">Roy&#8217;s Wedding</a><br />
03. <a href="/no9-03.php">Andy&#8217;s Ancestry</a><br />
04. <a href="/no9-04.php">Work Bus</a><br />
05. <a href="/no9-05.php">Here Comes Treble</a><br />
06. <a href="/no9-06.php">The Boat</a><br />
07. <a href="/no9-07.php">The Whale</a><br />
08. <a href="/no9-08.php">The Target</a><br />
09. <a href="/no9-09.php">Dwight Christmas</a><br />
10. <a href="/no9-10.php">Lice</a><br />
11. <a href="/no9-11.php">Suit Warehouse</a><br />
12. <a href="/no9-12.php">Customer Loyalty</a><br />
13. <a href="/no9-13.php">Junior Salesman</a><br />
14. <a href="/no9-14.php">Vandalism</a><br />
15. <a href="/no9-15.php">Couples Discount</a><br />
16. <a href="/no9-16.php">Moving On</a><br />
17. <a href="/no9-17.php">The Farm</a><br />
18. <a href="/no9-18.php">Promos</a><br />
19. <a href="/no9-19.php">Stairmageddon</a><br />
20. <a href="/no9-20.php">Paper Airplane</a><br />
21. <a href="/no9-21.php">Livin&#8217; The Dream</a><br />
22. <a href="/no9-22.php">A.A.R.M</a><br />
23. <a href="/no9-23.php">Finale</a></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><u><b>Other</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><a href="/webisodes.php">Webisodes &#8211; The Accountants</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-kevinsLoan.php">Webisodes &#8211; Kevin&#8217;s Loan</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-subtleSexuality.php">Webisodes &#8211; Subtle Sexuality</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-the3rdfloor.php">Webisodes &#8211; The 3rd floor</a><br />
<a href="/creedThoughts.php">Creed Thoughts</a><br />
<a href="/schruteSpace.php">Schrute Space</a></p>
</div>
</aside>
</div>
<main id="main" class="col-md-6 site-main" role="main">
<article id="post-108" class="post-108 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-uncategorized">
<header class="entry-header">
<h1 class="entry-title">Season 4 &#8211; Episode 04 &#8220;Money&#8221;</h1>
<div class="entry-meta">
</div><!-- .entry-meta -->
</header><!-- .entry-header -->
<div class="entry-content">
<p> Written by Paul Lieberstein<br /> Directed by Paul Lieberstein<br /> Original Air Date: October 18, 2007 </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Coat! [throws coat at Pam] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Michael just rented The Devil Wears Prada. He has his NetFlix sent here to the office, and he watches them in pieces when things are slow. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Steak! Where&#8217;s my steeaaak? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> He&#8217;s a big Meryl Streep fan, so I shouldn&#8217;t be surprised that he&#8217;s identified with her character. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Get me Armani.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> A suit?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> On the phone.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Like the main company number? Because I&#8217;m gonna have to call information.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Where&#8217;s Armani? He&#8217;s on the phone. Too slow. You are not going to Paris. I&#8217;m so much better than you are. [breaks into laughter] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> I owe you an apology.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> You finished the movie.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yeah. It was awesome. Big surprise ending. Won&#8217;t ruin it for you.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> No. Go ahead.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Meryl Streep is the bad guy. Never see it coming. Anyways, if I was mean in any way to you, I am sorry. I just want what&#8217;s best for you, Mo Chuisle. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Mo Chuisle. He&#8217;s watching Million Dollar Baby&#8230; He&#8217;s gonna try to kill me. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Micahel:</b> So this one goes with my eyes and this one goes with your eyes. People have said I have very pretty eyes. <br /> <b>Jan:</b> You do.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I haven&#8217;t heard the same about you. So let&#8217;s just go with mine.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Well, they both go with the carpet I&#8217;ve ordered, and if you go with the brown leather on the sofas, then they go with that too.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> We already have a sofa. So why do&#8212;<br /> <b>Jan:</b> A futon&#8217;s not a sofa.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> It&#8230; folds up. You&#8217;ve only seen it flat.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> I know what a futon is, Michael.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8212; Ok. How much is this going to cost?<br /> <b>Jan:</b> It costs what it costs.<br /> <b>Michae:</b> No&#8212; don&#8217;t&#8230; that doesn&#8217;t even mean anything.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> We have gone through this. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Yes. Money has been a little tight lately. But, at the end of my life, when I&#8217;m sitting on my yacht, am I gonna be thinking about how much money I have? No. I&#8217;m going to be thinking about how many friends I have, and my children, and my comedy albums. I mean, I have a yacht, so I obviously did pretty well money wise. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> It&#8217;s just that you say it&#8217;s gonna cost what it costs&#8212; [phone rings]<br /> <b>Pam:</b> [on the phone] Michael, it&#8217;s Ryan for you.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Conniving little runt. Put him through. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> Put him through. Yes. Ryan, my man!<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> [on the phone] I sent you an email about the new Powerpoint.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yes, and thank you for sending that to me.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> I had IT install the updated Powerpoint on the computer so you can use it for the presentation. I really want people there using Powerpoint.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Okay, yeah, I dunno. I dunno, I think those IT guys messed up.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Hold on, I&#8217;ll get them on the phone.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> [looking at nothing] Wait, oh, no, here it is, here it is. Found it. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> [talking on phone] Sure, I can hold.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> [picks up phone] Dunder Mifflin, Dwight Schrute. Please hold. [opens book, then picks up phone] Schrute Farms, guten tag. How can I help you? Yes, we have availability on those nights. How many in your party? Oh no, I&#8217;m sorry, no king beds. No queen either. Well, we make our own mattresses that don&#8217;t conform to the traditional sizes. Closest would be twin. Thank you so much for calling. Call back again. Aufedersein!<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Hey Dwight.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> None of your business, Jim.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Do you run the bed and breakfest?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> It is not a B and B. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> Agrotourism is a lot more than a bed and breakfest. It consists of tourists coming to a farm, showing them around, giving them a bed, giving them brekafest. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Does the Department of Health know about this?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> I&#8217;m not telling you anything. [lookings into the camera] Permits are pending. [phone rings] Dwight Schrute, Dunder Mifflin.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Hello, I&#8217;m looking for a room.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Okay, this is a mis-use of company phones. <br /> <b>Pam:</b> It says here you cater to the eldery.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Where did you read that?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Trip Advsior. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> Trip Advisor is the life blood of the Agrotourism industry. A couple of bad reviews there, you might as well close up shop. That&#8217;s what took down the Stalk Inn. One of the cutest little asparagus farms you&#8217;ll ever see. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> How many in your party?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Two?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> We offer tours of the fields, and of the barn. Uh, perhaps you&#8217;ll be interested in, um, Mose&#8217;s table making demonstration? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jan:</b> So, um, I forgot to tell you that I need the car tonight.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh! Um, actually, I need the car.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Why? Improv? Why don&#8217;t you just pretend you have a car? Good practice, incase you ever do a scene where you need to pretend you have a car? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Use to have two cars, traded &#8217;em in, now we&#8217;re down to one. Good economic sense. Although the new car is a Porsche. For her. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> One cardigan, one sleeping cardigan and one sleep apnea mask.<br /> <b>Angela:</b> What about my cherub figurine?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> You took that with you.<br /> <b>Angela:</b> No I left it on my night table&#8212; your night table, by the lamp.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> You are incorrect. I was recently scrubbing my room of memories, and I didn&#8217;t see it there.<br /> <b>Angela:</b> Fine. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> My girlfriend and I broke up recently. And I must say, I am relieved. Gives me a chance to sow my wild oats. In the Schrute family, we have a tradition, where when the male has sex with another woman, he is rewarded with a bag of wild oats left on his door step by his parents. You can use these oats to make oatmeal, bread, whatever you want. I don&#8217;t care, they&#8217;re your oats. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kevin:</b> The bar uses an applause meter. That is why it&#8217;s so important that you all come and applaud only for my band. Scrantonicity 2. NOT Scrantonicity, which I am no longer a part of. Michael, can I count on you?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> You can not, I have a thing tonight.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Dammit.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Uh, Michael.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> What?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> That reminds me, uh, if the invitation still stands, Pam and I would love to have dinner tonight.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh no, I have a thing tonight.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Darn it!<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Shoot!<br /> <b>Michael:</b> How about this weekend?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> No, can&#8217;t.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> We only had tonight free, and we really wanted to spend it with you.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Dammit to hell. I-I-ugh, ok. All right.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Where are you going out tonight?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> You wouldn&#8217;t understand. It&#8217;s a secret.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> I wouldn&#8217;t understand or a secret?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> You wouldn&#8217;t understand, Jim. It&#8217;s a secret. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8217;m sorry Mr. O&#8217;Brian, I didn&#8217;t mean to interrupt your dinner. I just have a very exciting offer. My records indicate that you have expressed interest in losing some weight. Well, what if I told you that I have a pill that will make you 50 pounds lighter in 5 minutes? How does that sound? Amazing right? Well, it won&#8217;t be that fast, but it will&#8211;[notices camera]&#8211; it will be that easy. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> I can&#8217;t believe this place is real. I mean, I&#8217;ve heard about his beet farm for years, but wow.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> The Beets Motel.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> The Beets Motel? That is, wow.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Thank you. Eh. The Embassy Beets. Radishon!<br /> <b>Jim:</b> How are you doing this?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> I don&#8217;t know! [Mose starts running by the left side of the car]<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Oh my gosh. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> I just love sales. I love it to death. It&#8217;s as simple as that. And I don&#8217;t get to do it enough as a manager, so I took this second job. I count it as a hobby. Some people have golf, or relaxing.<br /> <b>Nick:</b> What&#8217;s going on here?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Hey, I just got off the phone, and I was gonna make another call. <br /> <b>Nick:</b> We&#8217;re a legit operation with a license from the city I can show you. We pay minimum wage against commision&#8212;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> No, they&#8217;re with me, so&#8230; this is Nick Figaro, manager to the stars! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> We have three rooms, each with a different theme.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> What are the themes?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> American, Irrigation, and Night-Time.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Irrigation.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Nice.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> I&#8217;ll put you down for Irrigation. Well then, do you have any special needs or diertary restrictions?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Yes. We will be requiring a bed time story.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> No.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Not even Harry Potter?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> No. Jim, come on.<br /> <b>Mose:</b> But you promised.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Mose, bags! Now! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> Here we are, the Irrigation Room! A very special room. So I&#8217;ll come get you before the table-making demonstration. And as of this morning, we are completely wireless here in Schrute Farms. But as soon as I find out where Mose hid all the wires, we&#8217;ll get that power back on. All righty. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Nick:</b> Everybody in the conference room. In 5 minutes.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> These meetings are useless. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Nick:</b> I just want to remind you to stick to the script. Improving the work. So, make the call, say the lines, make the sale. Got it?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Very inspirational. [laughter]<br /> <b>Nick:</b> We&#8217;re offering a $50 bonus tonight to the guy with the most sales. Ok.<br /> <b>Co-Worker 1:</b> Or a woman.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Or a trained seal. [laughter]<br /> <b>Nick:</b> You could make jokes when you&#8217;ve made a sale there rookie, ok? [laughter ends] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Hmmm, I&#8217;d say 1 in 6.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> What?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Oh, I thought you asked me what our chances were in being murdered here tonight. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> You know, I&#8217;ve just realized, this is Pam&#8217;s and my first night away together. I use to play it over my head, and it was just a little bit different. Maybe a uh, nice hotel. Or a romantic dinner. Wine&#8230; uh but, wine that wasn&#8217;t made out of beets. Didn&#8217;t think Dwight would be involved at all. And uh, I always imagined less manure. I mean, some manure, just&#8230; less.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Mose, what are you doing? No Mose! Put the&#8212; Put the manure down! Put it down! Do not throw it! DO NOT THROW IT! Ow! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Yes, is Mr. Hudson there?<br /> <b>Stanely:</b> [on the phone] Yes, who is this?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8217;m just calling because you responded positively to the&#8212;<br /> <b>Stanely:</b> Michael?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> &#8230;Stanley?<br /> <b>Stanley:</b> Why are you calling me here at home?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> [Spanish accent] Senor, are you happy with your&#8212;<br /> <b>Stanley:</b> Michael, I know that&#8217;s you. Why are you calling me here at home?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> [speaking with a different voice] Have you&#8212; Have you considered satellite television?<br /> <b>Stanley:</b> Michael, I know that&#8217;s you. I know your voice. Why are you calling me here at home? [Michael hands up] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Stanley:</b> [on the phone] When I&#8217;m at home at night in my own house in my sweats drinking some red wine watching my mystery stories, the last thing in the whole God forsaken world I want to hear is the voice of Michael Scott. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Well your son sounds like he&#8217;s really motivated. I think it&#8217;s crazy the coach won&#8217;t play him frankly.<br /> <b>Nick:</b> [hangs up phone] My office.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> You bet. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Nick:</b> Just dial the number on the sheet and stick to the script. Say those words exactly, got it? I don&#8217;t know why we have to keep on having this conversation.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Look, I know sales, and I had that sale, I just needed a few more minutes&#8212;<br /> <b>Nick:</b> A few more minutes is a waste of our time.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> It is not a waste of our time.<br /> <b>Nick:</b> This is a trading game.<br /> <b>Micael:</b> No.<br /> <b>Nick:</b> You give a quick pitch. You make the sale. You move on. That&#8217;s how Vikram does it.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Vikram doesn&#8217;t have my people skills. <br /> <b>Nick:</b> Good for Vikram, because he out-sells you every night.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Well, I hope this conversation has helped. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> [reading to Jim, Pam, and Mose] And Harry saw the white hand raise its wand, and felt Voldemort&#8217;s surge of vicious anger. Saw the frail old man on the floor write in agony. &#8220;Harry?&#8221; It was over quickly as it had come. Harry stood shaking in the darkness, clutching the gate in the garden, his heart racing. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> What did you get tonight?<br /> <b>Vikram:</b> Oh it looks like mixed masala, eggplant, and rice.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh, that looks good.<br /> <b>Vikram:</b> Oh, and what about you? Peanut butter flavor again?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I am going with the vanilla crisp this evening.<br /> <b>Vikram:</b> Enjoy.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Thank you. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Vikram:</b> I was a surgeon back home.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Really?<br /> <b>Vikram:</b> Oh yeah.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Wonder what I would&#8217;ve been back home?<br /> <b>Vikram:</b> Well this is your home.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I know, but it&#8217;s competitive here. What&#8217;s a dollar worth in your land? Medical school must cost like 40 bucks or a donkey or something.<br /> <b>Vikram:</b> Uhh, no.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I would&#8217;ve been chief of surgery&#8230; Or a cowboy. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> [Jim and Pam hear noise] Wait, you&#8217;re going up there?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Yeah. Coward. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> [Pam sees Mose in an outhouse] Oh my God. What century is this? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> You know what, here&#8217;s the thing about Die Hard 4. Die Hard one, the original, John McClane was just this normal guy. You know, he&#8217;s just a normal New York City cop, who gets his feet cut, and gets beat up. But he&#8217;s an everyday guy. In Die Hard 4, he is jumping a motorcycle into a helicopter. In air. You know? He&#8217;s invincible. It just sort of lost what Die Hard was. It&#8217;s not Terminator.<br /> <b>Co-Worker 2:</b> Dude, you should review movies. [other co-workers agree]<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I actually wrote a movie. <br /> <b>Co-Worker 3:</b> Really?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8217;m writing one, yeah.<br /> <b>Co-Worker 3:</b> What&#8217;s it about?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Um, sort of a spy, thriller&#8230;<br /> <b>Nick:</b> What&#8217;s so captivating? [everyone stops talking, go back to work] I like captivating things. And this must be really captivating because it&#8217;s keeping you off the phones. I mean time is your money, that&#8217;s how I know how captivating it is. Because how much time you spend talking. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> [Pam and Jim hear Dwight crying] Ugh, your turn.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> [Jim knocks on Dwight&#8217;s door, crying stops] Come in. Did you have another nightmare?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Hey Dwight.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Oh, Jim. I thought you were Mose.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Does Mose have nightmares?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Oh yes. Ever since the storm.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Is everything satisfactory with your stay?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Yeah, yeah.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Great. <br /> <b>Jim:</b> Just thought that I heard crying, moaning, or something in here.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Oh. Well I&#8217;ll look into that in the morning. Thank you for bringing that to the attention of the staff.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Good night, Dwight. [Jim leaves, Dwight continues crying] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Co-Worker 2:</b> Yeah, so we&#8217;re all gonna go out for a beer. Do you wanna come?<br /> <b>Co-Worker 3:</b> We&#8217;d love for you to come, Michael.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Thanks, no, I have work tomorrow morning.<br /> <b>Co-Worker 2:</b> All right, next time dude.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Okay, see you guys. [Sees Jan] Hey, how you doin&#8217;?<br /> <b>Jan:</b> You drive, I had too much wine.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Okay. How&#8217;s yoga?<br /> <b>Jan:</b> I didn&#8217;t go.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Wh-Why not?<br /> <b>Jan:</b> I just didn&#8217;t!<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Okay.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> How was improv?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Good night Vikram.<br /> <b>Vikram:</b> Good night.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Hey, congrats on the bonus.<br /> <b>Vikram:</b> Thank you Michael.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8217;m gonna have it one of these nights.<br /> <b>Vikram:</b> Well if you concentrate and make your calls faster, yeah.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Good night.<br /> <b>Vikram:</b> Good night. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Michael. Morning. Hey Dwight, how are you?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Pam.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> You okay?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> I am better than you have ever been or ever will be. [Ryan walks in]<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Hey guys! What&#8217;s happening? How&#8217;s my favorite branch doin&#8217;? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Ryan:</b> Okay, Michael, why dont you start us off?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Um&#8230; that wasn&#8217;t much of an introduction.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Ladies and gentlemen, your boss, Michael Scott.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Ahh, still lame. Okay. All right. Thank you, Ryan, for that wonderful introduction. Okay, um, today we&#8217;re gonna be talking&#8230; about&#8230;PowerPoint! PowerPoint! PowerPoint! PowerPoint! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Yes I forgot about Ryan&#8217;s presentation. And yes, it would have been nice to do well with the first presentation he had given me. But you know what else would have been nice? Winning the lottery. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> And the best way to start is to hit start. And up comes the toolbar, that&#8217;s what she said. What we have to do here is go to Run, and then you look up to PowerPoint. And we are in. We are going to register. You hit register&#8212; Updates are ready. I should update. Um, estimated time 12 minutes, so this should take 5 or 10 minutes. <br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Is this the first time you ever opened PowerPoint?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Why?<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> You didn&#8217;t prepare a presentation at all, did you?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> No, I had a really rough night, and my boss can back you up on that.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> I&#8217;m your boss.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> My other boss, Mr. Figaro.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> You have another job?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> What I do between 5:30 pm and 1 am is no one&#8217;s business but mine and my other business&#8217;.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Are you a cocktail waitress?<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> You can not have another job if it affects your work here.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> It won&#8217;t.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> It did, all ready.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Okay, honestly, it was unlikely I was gonna figure this out anyways. [Kelly laughs]<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> You&#8217;re so funny.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Why is Darryl here? He works in the warehouse.<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> I invited him.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> It&#8217;s not a party. Darryl, back downstairs, this isn&#8217;t information you need.<br /> <b>Darryl:</b> There&#8217;s information here? Yeah, you&#8217;re right, I don&#8217;t need this. <br /> <b>Kelly:</b> Okay. [makes out with Darryl]<br /> <b>Darryl:</b> Hey, get off.<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> Umm, see you later tonight.<br /> <b>Darryl:</b> I have plans later.<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> Okay, bye honey.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> How long until you actually get this presentation ready?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Why don&#8217;t you do the presentation, because you know how to do it?<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> You know what I really want? Honestly Michael, is for you to know it, so you can communicate to the people here, to your clients, to whomever. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> Huh, okay.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> What?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> It&#8217;s whoever, not whomever.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> No, it&#8217;s whomever.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> No, whomever is never actually right.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> No, sometimes its right.<br /> <b>Creed:</b> Michael is right. It&#8217;s a made-up word used to trick students.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> No. Actually, whomever is the formal version of the word.<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> Obviously it&#8217;s a real word, but I don&#8217;t know when to use it correctly.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Not a native speaker.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> I know what&#8217;s right, but I&#8217;m not gonna say, because you&#8217;re all jerks who didn&#8217;t come see my band last night.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Do you really know which one is correct?<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> I don&#8217;t know.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> It&#8217;s &#8216;whom&#8217; when it&#8217;s the object of a sentence, and &#8216;who&#8217; when it&#8217;s the subject.<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> Yeah, that sounds right.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Well it sounds right, but is it?<br /> <b>Stanley:</b> How did Ryan use it? As an object?<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> As an object.<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> Ryan used me an object.<br /> <b>Stanley:</b> Is he right about that?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> How did he use it again?<br /> <b>Toby:</b> It was Ryan wanted Michael, the subject, to explain the computer system, the object.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Thank you.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> To whomever, meaning us, the indirect object. Which is the correct usage of the word.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> No one, uh, asked you anything ever, so whomever&#8217;s name is Toby, why don&#8217;t you take a letter opener and stick it into your skull.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Wait! This doesn&#8217;t matter. And I don&#8217;t even care. Michael, you quit the other job, or you&#8217;re fired here. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8217;ve never done this before. I&#8217;ve never quit anything in my life. So, you are filming history. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Nick, I had a dream last night that I had two full time jobs. One here at the Lipophedrazone diet pill company&#8212;<br /> <b>Mr. Figaro:</b> Lipophedrine<br /> <b>Michael:</b> And the other I was a Regional Manager of a small paper supply company called Dunder Mifflin.<br /> <b>Mr. Figaro:</b> Never heard of it.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> In this dream I did both of these jobs beautifully, and I loved it, and everybody loved me. But the truth is, I can&#8217;t do this.<br /> <b>Mr. Figaro:</b> Are you quitting?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I am.<br /> <b>Mr. Figaro:</b> Come back anytime, don&#8217;t forget to disinfect your headset. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> I was never in this for the money. But it turns out that the money was an absolute necessity for me. I tried to live the dream. I tried to have a job, a girlfriend, another job, and I failed. But the good thing about the American dream is that you can just go to sleep, and try it all again the next night. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Andy:</b> So.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> What&#8217;s up?<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Me. All night. Dreaming about Angela&#8217;s smoking hot body.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> You&#8217;re being gross.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Not from a male perspective. You need to set me up with her, I know she told you that she&#8217;s looking, and she&#8217;s totally not responding to my moves.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> What moves?<br /> <b>Andy:</b> I have moon-walked past accounting like ten times.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> I can&#8217;t believe that&#8217;s not working.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Yeah.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Um, I don&#8217;t know if I really see you two together.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Really? Well, maybe you should look in the smart part of your brain.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> She&#8217;s very religious.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Okay, well I come from a line Wasps so long it leads back to Moses.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Okay, well she takes her convictions pretty seriously, she can be kind of severe.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Yeah, and I punched a hole in a wall.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> That&#8217;s right, you did.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Yeah. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Now that I think about it, Angela and Andy might actually make a good couple. But I couldn&#8217;t do that to Dwight&#8230; or Angela&#8230; or Andy. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Hey Kevin, you&#8217;re a gambler right? A rounder, you play the ponies, small horses.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> I do gamble Michael.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yeah, I was thinking about doing some gambling myself. You know, just a little bit of money. Maybe doubling it, and them doubling it seven more times. I don&#8217;t know, kind of just for fun. I was thinking, do you have tips, or ideas about sure things. Like a boxer who is going to throw the big fight, you know, like, like he&#8217;s tied into some crooked dealings, maybe his kid is sick or something. Like, who do I call about that?<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> The mob.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Do you know anybody in the mob?<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> [shakes head no]<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Okay, um, Oscar, I&#8217;m going to need to take another advance on my salary. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kelly:</b> What do you mean you have plans tonight?<br /> <b>Darryl:</b> I have my daughter tonight; we&#8217;re renting Charlotte&#8217;s Web.<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> Well, you have to make a choice, it&#8217;s either your daughter, or me.<br /> <b>Darryl:</b> My daughter.<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> Okay, I see how it is. [pushes a stack of files onto the floor] Oops.<br /> <b>Darryl:</b> That was cold.<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> [makes a W then an L with her fingers, and then runs a finger across her throat] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Phyllis:</b> He&#8217;s always been terrible with money.<br /> <b>Stanley:</b> I bet it&#8217;s Jan spending him straight to the poor house.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Yeah, women be shoppin&#8217;.<br /> <b>Meredith:</b> I can&#8217;t believe he has a second job.<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> He&#8217;s not even good at his first one.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Hey guys.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Shh.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> What&#8217;cha talking about? [camera pans to each face in the break room] Okay, I know what&#8217;s going on. You&#8217;re talking about Jim and Pam, if they&#8217;re having sex, what it looks like, I know, I think&#8212;<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Michael.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Hey, hey, hey.<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> Michael, are you having money problems?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Monkey problem? No, I&#8217;m not having monkey problems. Why would I have monkey problems?<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> You heard me correctly.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh, I hate monkeys.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> What&#8217;s going on, why do you have a second job?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I don&#8217;t have a second job. Maybe I&#8217;m having an affair with Suzanne Summers.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Doesn&#8217;t Jan have money?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I don&#8217;t talk to my girlfriend about money. It is rude, and unsexual.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> True, it&#8217;s best to hide our money problems from women.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I totally agree with you. But I don&#8217;t have money problems, I don&#8217;t. Alright, you know what? Watch this, if I had money problems, would I do this? [Michael holds up a bill, crumples it up, puts it back in his pocket]<br /> <b>Oscar and Stanley:</b> You just put it back in your pocket.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yeah, but I destroyed it, it&#8217;s not even useable anymore. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Darryl:</b> Hey, let&#8217;s call this what it is. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Darryl:</b> It&#8217;s like she only wants to hook up when Ryan comes around. It&#8217;s gotten to the point where I get excited every time I see that little dude walk through the door. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kelly:</b> Well, I just need to know where this is going.<br /> <b>Darryl:</b> Hey, I like you. Oh yeah, what&#8217;s not to like? But you need to access your uncrazy side, otherwise maybe this thing&#8217;s run its course.<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> Don&#8217;t you dare walk away from me Darryl Philben, you are the most selfish person I&#8217;ve ever met in my entire&#8212;<br /> <b>Darryl:</b> Slow down, think it over. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kelly:</b> Darryl Philben is the most complicated man that I&#8217;ve ever met. I mean, who says exactly what they&#8217;re thinking? What kind of game is that? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Creed:</b> Hey cuz, heard you&#8217;re having money problems.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> No you didn&#8217;t.<br /> <b>Creed:</b> Listen, I&#8217;ve got the answer. You declare bankruptcy, all your problems go away. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Creed:</b> Creed Bratton has never declared bankruptcy. When Creed Bratton gets in trouble, he transfers his debt to William Charles Schneider. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> How would that help Creed? In Monopoly when you go bankrupt, you lose.<br /> <b>Creed:</b> You don&#8217;t go by Monopoly man, that game is nuts. Nobody just picks up &#8220;get out of jail free&#8221; cards, those things cost thousands.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> That is a good point.<br /> <b>Creed:</b> Bankruptcy, Michael, is nature&#8217;s do-over. It&#8217;s a fresh start, it&#8217;s a clean slate.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Like the witness protection program.<br /> <b>Creed:</b> Exactly.<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> Not at all. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8217;ve always wanted to be in the witness protection program. Fresh start, no debts, no baggage. I&#8217;ve already got my name picked out, Lord Rupert Everton. I&#8217;m a shipping merchant who raises fancy dogs. That&#8217;s the life. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8230; DECLARE&#8230; BANKRUPTCY! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Oscar:</b> Hey, I just wanted you to know that you can&#8217;t just say the word bankruptcy and expect anything to happen.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I didn&#8217;t say it, I declared it.<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> Still, that&#8217;s not anything. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Oscar:</b> This is a lot of credit card debt.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yeah, tell me about it.<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> Mmm.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> You know, Jan has my credit cards, and she&#8217;s using them as if I&#8217;m made of money, she thinks I&#8217;m a human ATM machine.<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> Okay, a hundred and twenty-five dollars, Amazon.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh, that&#8217;s the Muppet Show, on DVD, classic.<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> Twelve hundred dollars. What&#8217;s a Core Blaster Extreme?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> That is by far the best way to strengthen your core. This machine, you sit on a stabilizer ball, you put your feet into the power stir-ups, you reach up and you grab onto the super rod, and you twist, and you twist, and you twist. It strengthens your entire core. Your back core, your arm core, the Marine Core actually uses it. I think that&#8217;s how they got a core. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Andy:</b> I left a little present for Angela. I think she&#8217;s going to like it, because I found it outside of Vance Refrigeration all alone, and I told her in the note that the cat came to find her, that they were destined to be together. I got game. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Oscar:</b> Okay, the green bar is what you spend every month on stuff you need, like a car and a house.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Mm-hm. That is so cool how you have my name at the top.<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> The red bar is what you spend on non-essentials, like magazines, entertainment, things like that.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Right.<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> This scary black bar is what you spend on things that no one ever, ever needs, like multiple magic sets, professional bass fishing equipment.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> How do they do this so fast? Is this power-point? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Man, Angela really had a hold on him. [Dwight playing the recorder in the background] Angela. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Oscar:</b> Michael, I&#8217;m going to set you and Jan up with a debt consolidator, you meet with this guy.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> No, no, we are going to leave Jan out of this.<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> She has to know.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> We will find another way, we&#8217;ll ask power-point.<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> Michael, this is a presentation tool.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> You&#8217;re a presentation tool if you think I&#8217;m gonna tell Jan about this.<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> I&#8217;m done!<br /> <b>Michael:</b> No you&#8217;re not! Ok, just&#8230; you&#8217;re not a tool. Look, we&#8217;ll tell her that it&#8217;s bad, but it could&#8217;ve been a lot worse but due to some fancy financial foot work I was able to cut it in half. <br /> <b>Oscar:</b> Jan is smart.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> She poses. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Dwight, how&#8217;s the hotel business?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Stupid.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Have you checked Trip Advisor recently?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> No.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Maybe you should.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Maybe you should. Whatever. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> We wrote a good review. Under comments, we wrote, the natural aroma of the beets drifts into the bedroom and makes you dream of simpler times.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> The dawn goose walk will tug at your heartstrings.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Table making never seemed so possible.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> You will never want to leave your room.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> The architecture reminds one of a quaint Tuscan beet farm. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> I&#8217;m glad you enjoyed your stay.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> We really did. It was fun. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Oscar:</b> So due to Michael&#8217;s clever financial maneuvering, he finds himself tremendously in debt.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> [on phone] You&#8217;re broke?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Um, that&#8217;s, how did you get that from what Oscar&#8217;s saying?<br /> <b>Jan:</b> [on phone] Michael, how did this happen? Where did all your money go? I don&#8217;t, I don&#8217;t get this. I really don&#8217;t. I don&#8217;t know how you could be so irresponsible. I mean, this is, it is astounding to me, really. I don&#8217;t know what more to say.<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> Jan.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> [on phone] Yeah, what?<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> Michael left.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> [on phone] Okay, where did he go?<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> I don&#8217;t know.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> [on phone] Well, is he coming right back?<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> I don&#8217;t think so.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> [on phone] I&#8217;ll be right there. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> What am I doing? I am blowing dodge. I&#8217;m getting out of town. Whatever you call it, I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Angela:</b> [to Andy] You may ask me out to dinner. Nothing fancy or foreign, no bars, no patios, no vegetables, and no seafood. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Dwight. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> Uhh-mmm [moaning]<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> [incoherent mumbling] No you didn&#8217;t.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Yeah, I didn&#8217;t think I had. Well, it was all about Pam.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Mmm-uh-mm [incoherent mumbling]<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Yeah, I mean she was with Roy, and, uh, I just couldn&#8217;t take it. I mean, I lost it Dwight. I couldn&#8217;t sleep, I couldn&#8217;t concentrate on anything. Even weird stuff, like food had no taste. So my solution was to move away. It was awful. It was something that I wouldn&#8217;t wish on my worst enemy, and that includes you.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> [sobbing, reaches out to Jim after he walked away] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Hey, I was thinking about dinner&#8212; [Jim grabs her face and kisses her]<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Ah, dinner. Let&#8217;s see, maybe we should try the new Italian place, where the drive-in used to be.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Okay.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Yeah?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Yeah.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Okay. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Jim&#8217;s just really passionate about Italian food. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Yep, I&#8217;m very passionate about Italian food. In fact, um, I&#8217;m in love with Italian food. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Oscar:</b> Jan, he went running that way.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Alright. [throws her keys at Oscar] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> [singing] Runaway train, never come back. Runaway and I&#8217;m never coming back.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Michael.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Hey Jan.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> What&#8217;s going on?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Not much, what&#8217;s up with you?<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Well, why are you sitting on a train? Where are you going?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8217;m out of answers Jan.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> What does that mean?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I told you, no more answers. This is who I am now. A guy on a train with no answers. I hope that can be enough for you.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Michael, come on. Running away from your problems won&#8217;t solve anything. You know that.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I don&#8217;t know that.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Your creditors can follow you anywhere with ease. Your debt follows you around the world, electronically.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8217;ll stay off the grid.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Uh, Michael, come on, come on, you can deal with this. It&#8217;s not that bad.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yeah it is, it is. I really messed up.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Well, when my life fell apart and they, and they screwed me in New York, and I felt like my whole world was collapsing around me, I didn&#8217;t have anyone. I mean, my whole family still won&#8217;t even talk to me, on the advice of counsel, and my friends were just waiting for this to happen.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> That&#8217;s really nice of you to say.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Michael, no, what I want to say is you were there for me. By my side. Without even a thought. That&#8217;s just who you are. I mean, no matter how badly I treat you, or what I&#8217;m going through, you just, you are there for me. And that is a guy worth staying beside. So, where&#8217;s this train taking us?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I think the engineer left. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> [takes a ruler and shoves it between his desk and Jim&#8217;s, knocking Jim&#8217;s files on the floor] Hello, this is Dwight Schrute calling from Dunder-Mifflin, and according to our records you appear to be low on office supplies. Okay, sure, yeah I can take care of that right now. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Don&#8217;t sell your implants please.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> I&#8217;m keeping them. I know you like them. They&#8217;re kind of uncomfortable though.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> That&#8217;s nice though.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> It&#8217;s kind of painful and my nipples are over-sensitive now.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> It looks cute though. </div>
<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 1</u></b> </p>
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<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> I used to get offers in the mail for credit cards all the time. They would say things like &#8220;don&#8217;t pay for six months&#8221; or &#8220;you can transfer your account from another card&#8221;&#8230;<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> No, [mumbling] I don&#8217;t know.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Do you think I&#8217;ll get any new ones? I could&#8230; [pause, eventually looks up at Dwight]<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> What?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> What do you mean, &#8220;what&#8221;?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> What&#8230; [mumbling]<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Were you listening to what I was saying?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> I was aware that you were speaking.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> What is the matter with you?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> What is the matter with&#8230; me?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yeah.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> I&#8217;m&#8230; discombobulated.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yeah.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> I need help.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> All right, well, go find some. Get outa here, please. [Dwight sighs and leaves] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Oscar:</b> Okay, you need to focus, Michael. You need to stop spending money.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yeah. What?<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> I hate to ask you this, but are there any retirement funds you can borrow from?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Um, my CDs.<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> You have CDs?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I do.<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> Okay, good, okay. What bank?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> My CDs are in a portfolio, a rather large portfolio, um, called Case Logic<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> [whispers] Case Logic.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> And, um the Case Logic portfolio is currently in the back seat of my car. There is another smaller Case Logic portfolio clipped to my visor [Oscar vigorously shakes his head] What?<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> I&#8217;m asking about Certificates of Deposit. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8217;ve been putting money into CDs for years. I bought music that I didn&#8217;t even like. No. [shakes head] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jan:</b> I just think that&#8230;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I can&#8217;t.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Why?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I can&#8217;t go back to that.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> I think you can. I&#8230; what?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I don&#8217;t know if I can do that. I can&#8217;t see myself spending the next six years digging myself out of that kind of hole.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> All right, well then maybe there&#8217;s another way, you know? I mean, we could just&#8230; we&#8217;ll think of something else. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> We will? I can&#8217;t. I don&#8217;t have an idea in my head.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Well&#8230; well, we will.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I have&#8230;<br /> <b>Jan:</b> We just will.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Okay. What? Um&#8230;<br /> <b>Jan:</b> I have some ideas.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Tell me.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> [laughs] I am not going to tell you yet.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Well, please? I won&#8217;t tell anybody. <br /> <b>Jan:</b> Oh, yes, you will.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yeah, I will. </div>
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<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 2</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Andy:</b> Gentlemen, a word. Look, you guys are my closest friends in this office.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Right back at ya.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> And as such, I come to you&#8230;<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> State your business!<br /> <b>Andy:</b> I am dying of lovesickness and horny-sickness.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> That is impossible. Unless you mean gonorrhea.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> I&#8217;m talking about Angela, okay? Did you hear what she was saying to Pam the other day?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Yes, I did, &#8216;cept I don&#8217;t think she means it. Angela is in a great deal of pain because of the death of her cat, and she&#8217;s in a kind of a grieving process, and it makes her say things. So&#8230; best to just lay off.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> No can do. I am itching all over with Angela-pox. <br /> <b>Jim:</b> Oh my God, you do have gonorrhea.<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> Hey, Andy! Maybe this is one of those situations where you just have to do her to get her out of your system.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Stay out of this, you! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Andy:</b> Hey, fellas! And&#8230; lady.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> I still do not have your reimbursement check.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> That&#8217;s not why I came over. I mean it&#8217;s a week late, but&#8230; I just came over to say hi.<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> Hi.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> [waves] Hi.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Angela, you like lacrosse? <br /> <b>Angela:</b> Lacrosse, the sport?<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Scranton U. Varsity&#8217;s gonna scrimmage the J.V. squad. Should be pretty interesting. J.V. gets really amped.<br /> <b>Angela:</b> Well, I guess it&#8217;s a big opportunity for them.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Yeah. <br /> <b>Angela:</b> Yeah.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> You wanna go?<br /> <b>Angela:</b> No.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Because we could get some food&#8230;<br /> <b>Angela:</b> No.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Afterwards at the&#8230;<br /> <b>Angela:</b> Andy, no. [Andy nods and starts backing away, Kevin giggles]<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Still waiting on that check. </div>
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<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 3</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Pam! You don&#8217;t think he&#8217;ll mind if we take the shampoo, do you? [holds up large bottle]<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Mmm. Mmm-mmm. [shakes head &#8216;no&#8217;]<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Okay. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> [Mose serves bacon] Thank you, Mose.<br /> <b>Mose:</b> [clears throat] Everybody poops.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Yes, they do.<br /> <b>Mose:</b> There&#8217;s no other&#8230; way to get rid of the food.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Where&#8217;s Dwight?<br /> <b>Mose:</b> Gone. <br /> <b>Pam:</b> Where&#8217;d he go?<br /> <b>Mose:</b> His day place.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> The office.<br /> <b>Mose:</b> What office?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Hmm.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Mose, Angela hasn&#8217;t been around here much lately, has she?<br /> <b>Mose:</b> Angela?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Angela &#8211; she used to stay here sometimes? <br /> <b>Mose:</b> Angela [leaves]. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Mose:</b> [on trampoline] Cannonball! Lemon bomb! Jim, Pam, watch! Jim, Pam, watch! Jim, Pam, watch!<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Okay, we&#8217;re watching, Mose!<br /> <b>Mose:</b> Okay, go Yankees! I&#8217;m a war hero!<br /> <b>Jim:</b> You&#8217;re doin&#8217; great, buddy!<br /> <b>Mose:</b> Name&#8217;s Mose, buddy! Dwight, can I stop? They&#8217;re not even looking.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Yeah, go ahead and stop. You guys, you should really be looking, he&#8217;s working his ass off over here.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> I&#8217;m sorry, did we or did we not pay for a show?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Okay, go ahead, they&#8217;re right.<br /> <b>Mose:</b> Large spins!<br /> <b>Jim:</b> [not watching Mose] More spins.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Arr, dammit! [throws saw at table he was working on]<br /> <b>Mose:</b> Helicopter! </div>
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<aside id="text-7" class="widget widget_text"> <div class="textwidget"><p><u><b>Main</b></u></p>
<p><a href="/">Home</a><br />
<a href="/contactMe.php">Contact Me</a><br />
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<a href="/fanLove.php">Fan Love</a><br />
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<a href="/linksPage.php">Links</a></p>
<p><u><b>Season I</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no1-01.php">Pilot</a><br />
02. <a href="/no1-02.php">Diversity Day</a><br />
03. <a href="/no1-03.php">Health Care</a><br />
04. <a href="/no1-04.php">The Alliance</a><br />
05. <a href="/no1-05.php">Basketball</a><br />
06. <a href="/no1-06.php">Hot Girl</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season II</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no2-01.php">The Dundies</a><br />
02. <a href="/no2-02.php">Sexual Harassment</a><br />
03. <a href="/no2-03.php">Office Olympics</a><br />
04. <a href="/no2-04.php">The Fire</a><br />
05. <a href="/no2-05.php">Halloween</a><br />
06. <a href="/no2-06.php">The Fight</a><br />
07. <a href="/no2-07.php">The Client</a><br />
08. <a href="/no2-08.php">Performance Review</a><br />
09. <a href="/no2-09.php">E-mail Surveillance</a><br />
10. <a href="/no2-10.php">Christmas Party</a><br />
11. <a href="/no2-11.php">Booze Cruise</a><br />
12. <a href="/no2-12.php">The Injury</a><br />
13. <a href="/no2-13.php">The Secret</a><br />
14. <a href="/no2-14.php">The Carpet</a><br />
15. <a href="/no2-15.php">Boys and Girls</a><br />
16. <a href="/no2-16.php">Valentine&#8217;s Day</a><br />
17. <a href="/no2-17.php">Dwight&#8217;s Speech</a><br />
18. <a href="/no2-18.php">Take Your Daughter to Work Day</a><br />
19. <a href="/no2-19.php">Michael&#8217;s Birthday</a><br />
20. <a href="/no2-20.php">Drug Testing</a><br />
21. <a href="/no2-21.php">Conflict Resolution</a><br />
22. <a href="/no2-22.php">Casino Night</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season III</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no3-01.php">Gay Witch Hunt</a><br />
02. <a href="/no3-02.php">The Convention</a><br />
03. <a href="/no3-03.php">The Coup</a><br />
04. <a href="/no3-04.php">Grief Counseling</a><br />
05. <a href="/no3-05.php">Initiation</a><br />
06. <a href="/no3-06.php">Diwali</a><br />
07. <a href="/no3-07.php">Branch Closing</a><br />
08. <a href="/no3-08.php">The Merger</a><br />
09. <a href="/no3-09.php">The Convict</a><br />
10. <a href="/no3-10.php">A Benihana Christmas</a><br />
11. <a href="/no3-11.php">Back From Vacation</a><br />
12. <a href="/no3-12.php">Traveling Salesmen</a><br />
13. <a href="/no3-13.php">The Return</a><br />
14. <a href="/no3-14.php">Ben Franklin</a><br />
15. <a href="/no3-15.php">Phyllis&#8217; Wedding</a><br />
16. <a href="/no3-16.php">Business School</a><br />
17. <a href="/no3-17.php">Cocktails</a><br />
18. <a href="/no3-18.php">The Negotiation</a><br />
19. <a href="/no3-19.php">Safety Training</a><br />
20. <a href="/no3-20.php">Product Recall</a><br />
21. <a href="/no3-21.php">Women&#8217;s Appreciation</a><br />
22. <a href="/no3-22.php">Beach Games</a><br />
23. <a href="/no3-23.php">The Job</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season IV</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no4-01.php">Fun Run</a><br />
02. <a href="/no4-02.php">Dunder Mifflin Infinity</a><br />
03. <a href="/no4-03.php">Launch Party</a><br />
04. <a href="/no4-04.php">Money</a><br />
05. <a href="/no4-05.php">Local Ad</a><br />
06. <a href="/no4-06.php">Branch Wars</a><br />
07. <a href="/no4-07.php">Survivor Man</a><br />
08. <a href="/no4-08.php">The Deposition</a><br />
09. <a href="/no4-09.php">Dinner Party</a><br />
10. <a href="/no4-10.php">Chair Model</a><br />
11. <a href="/no4-11.php">Night Out</a><br />
12. <a href="/no4-12.php">Did I Stutter?</a><br />
13. <a href="/no4-13.php">Job Fair</a><br />
14. <a href="/no4-14.php">Goodbye Toby</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season V</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no5-01.php">Weight Loss</a><br />
02. <a href="/no5-02.php">Business Ethics</a><br />
03. <a href="/no5-03.php">Baby Shower</a><br />
04. <a href="/no5-04.php">Crime Aid</a><br />
05. <a href="/no5-05.php">Employee Transfer</a><br />
06. <a href="/no5-06.php">Customer Survey</a><br />
07. <a href="/no5-07.php">Business Trip</a><br />
08. <a href="/no5-08.php">Frame Toby</a><br />
09. <a href="/no5-09.php">The Surplus</a><br />
10. <a href="/no5-10.php">Moroccan Christmas</a><br />
11. <a href="/no5-11.php">The Duel</a><br />
12. <a href="/no5-12.php">Prince Family Paper</a><br />
13. <a href="/no5-13.php">Stress Relief</a><br />
14. <a href="/no5-14.php">Lecture Circuit 1</a><br />
15. <a href="/no5-15.php">Lecture Circuit 2</a><br />
16. <a href="/no5-16.php">Blood Drive</a><br />
17. <a href="/no5-17.php">Golden Ticket</a><br />
18. <a href="/no5-18.php">New Boss</a><br />
19. <a href="/no5-19.php">Two Weeks</a><br />
20. <a href="/no5-20.php">Dream Team</a><br />
21. <a href="/no5-21.php">Michael Scott Paper Company</a><br />
22. <a href="/no5-22.php">Heavy Competition</a><br />
23. <a href="/no5-23.php">Broke</a><br />
24. <a href="/no5-24.php">Casual Friday</a><br />
25. <a href="/no5-25.php">Cafe Disco</a><br />
26. <a href="/no5-26.php">Company Picnic</a></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><u><b>Season VI</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no6-01.php">Gossip</a><br />
02. <a href="/no6-02.php">The Meeting</a><br />
03. <a href="/no6-03.php">The Promotion</a><br />
04. <a href="/no6-04.php">Niagara</a><br />
05. <a href="/no6-05.php">Mafia</a><br />
06. <a href="/no6-06.php">The Lover</a><br />
07. <a href="/no6-07.php">Koi Pond</a><br />
08. <a href="/no6-08.php">Double Date</a><br />
09. <a href="/no6-09.php">Murder</a><br />
10. <a href="/no6-10.php">Shareholder Meeting</a><br />
11. <a href="/no6-11.php">Scott&#8217;s Tots</a><br />
12. <a href="/no6-12.php">Secret Santa</a><br />
13. <a href="/no6-13.php">The Banker</a><br />
14. <a href="/no6-14.php">Sabre</a><br />
15. <a href="/no6-15.php">Manager and Salesman</a><br />
16. <a href="/no6-16.php">The Delivery</a><br />
17. <a href="/no6-17.php">St. Patrick&#8217;s Day</a><br />
18. <a href="/no6-18.php">New Leads</a><br />
19. <a href="/no6-19.php">Happy Hour</a><br />
20. <a href="/no6-20.php">Secretary&#8217;s Day</a><br />
21. <a href="/no6-21.php">Body Language</a><br />
22. <a href="/no6-22.php">The Cover-Up</a><br />
23. <a href="/no6-23.php">The Chump</a><br />
24. <a href="/no6-24.php">Whistleblower</a></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><u><b>Season VII</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no7-01.php">Nepotism</a><br />
02. <a href="/no7-02.php">Counseling</a><br />
03. <a href="/no7-03.php">Andy&#8217;s Play</a><br />
04. <a href="/no7-04.php">Sex Ed</a><br />
05. <a href="/no7-05.php">The Sting</a><br />
06. <a href="/no7-06.php">Costume Contest</a><br />
07. <a href="/no7-07.php">Christening</a><br />
08. <a href="/no7-08.php">Viewing Party</a><br />
09. <a href="/no7-09.php">WUPHF.com</a><br />
10. <a href="/no7-10.php">China</a><br />
11. <a href="/no7-11.php">Classy Christmas</a><br />
12. <a href="/no7-12.php">Ultimatum</a><br />
13. <a href="/no7-13.php">The Seminar</a><br />
14. <a href="/no7-14.php">The Search</a><br />
15. <a href="/no7-15.php">PDA</a><br />
16. <a href="/no7-16.php">Threat Level Midnight</a><br />
17. <a href="/no7-17.php">Todd Packer</a><br />
18. <a href="/no7-18.php">Garage Sale</a><br />
19. <a href="/no7-19.php">Trainin Day</a><br />
20. <a href="/no7-20.php">Michael&#8217;s Last Dundies</a><br />
21. <a href="/no7-21.php">Goodbye Michael</a><br />
22. <a href="/no7-22.php">The Inner Circle</a><br />
23. <a href="/no7-23.php">Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager</a><br />
24. <a href="/no7-24.php">Search Committee</a></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><u><b>Season VIII</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no8-01.php">The List</a><br />
02. <a href="/no8-02.php">The Incentive</a><br />
03. <a href="/no8-03.php">Lotto</a><br />
04. <a href="/no8-04.php">Garden Party</a><br />
05. <a href="/no8-05.php">Spooked</a><br />
06. <a href="/no8-06.php">Doomsday</a><br />
07. <a href="/no8-07.php">Pam&#8217;s Replacement</a><br />
08. <a href="/no8-08.php">Gettysburg</a><br />
09. <a href="/no8-09.php">Mrs. California</a><br />
10. <a href="/no8-10.php">Christmas Wishes</a><br />
11. <a href="/no8-11.php">Trivia</a><br />
12. <a href="/no8-12.php">Pool Party</a><br />
13. <a href="/no8-13.php">Jury Duty</a><br />
14. <a href="/no8-14.php">Special Project</a><br />
15. <a href="/no8-15.php">Tallahasse</a><br />
16. <a href="/no8-16.php">After Hours</a><br />
17. <a href="/no8-17.php">Test the Store</a><br />
18. <a href="/no8-18.php">Last Day In Florida</a><br />
19. <a href="/no8-19.php">Get The Girl</a><br />
20. <a href="/no8-20.php">Welcome Party</a><br />
21. <a href="/no8-21.php">Angry Andy</a><br />
22. <a href="/no8-22.php">Fundraiser</a><br />
23. <a href="/no8-23.php">Turf War</a><br />
24. <a href="/no8-24.php">Free Family Portrait Studio</a></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><u><b>Season IX</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no9-01.php">New Guys</a><br />
02. <a href="/no9-02.php">Roy&#8217;s Wedding</a><br />
03. <a href="/no9-03.php">Andy&#8217;s Ancestry</a><br />
04. <a href="/no9-04.php">Work Bus</a><br />
05. <a href="/no9-05.php">Here Comes Treble</a><br />
06. <a href="/no9-06.php">The Boat</a><br />
07. <a href="/no9-07.php">The Whale</a><br />
08. <a href="/no9-08.php">The Target</a><br />
09. <a href="/no9-09.php">Dwight Christmas</a><br />
10. <a href="/no9-10.php">Lice</a><br />
11. <a href="/no9-11.php">Suit Warehouse</a><br />
12. <a href="/no9-12.php">Customer Loyalty</a><br />
13. <a href="/no9-13.php">Junior Salesman</a><br />
14. <a href="/no9-14.php">Vandalism</a><br />
15. <a href="/no9-15.php">Couples Discount</a><br />
16. <a href="/no9-16.php">Moving On</a><br />
17. <a href="/no9-17.php">The Farm</a><br />
18. <a href="/no9-18.php">Promos</a><br />
19. <a href="/no9-19.php">Stairmageddon</a><br />
20. <a href="/no9-20.php">Paper Airplane</a><br />
21. <a href="/no9-21.php">Livin&#8217; The Dream</a><br />
22. <a href="/no9-22.php">A.A.R.M</a><br />
23. <a href="/no9-23.php">Finale</a></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><u><b>Other</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><a href="/webisodes.php">Webisodes &#8211; The Accountants</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-kevinsLoan.php">Webisodes &#8211; Kevin&#8217;s Loan</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-subtleSexuality.php">Webisodes &#8211; Subtle Sexuality</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-the3rdfloor.php">Webisodes &#8211; The 3rd floor</a><br />
<a href="/creedThoughts.php">Creed Thoughts</a><br />
<a href="/schruteSpace.php">Schrute Space</a></p>
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