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<title>Season 3 - Episode 10 &quot;A Benihana Christmas&quot; - OfficeQuotes.net</title>
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<meta property="og:description" content="Written by Jennifer Celotta Directed by Harold Ramis Dwight: Merry Christmas! [holds up dead goose and puts it on Pam&#8217;s desk] Pam: Merry Christ&#8211;[looks up] NO! Why&#8230; why did you bring that here? Dwight: Don&#8217;t worry, she&#8217;s dead. Oh wait. He&#8217;s dead. Pam: Dwight, what uh&#8230; Dwight: I accidentally ran over it. It&#8217;s a Christmas &hellip;" />
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<meta name="twitter:description" content="Written by Jennifer Celotta Directed by Harold Ramis Dwight: Merry Christmas! [holds up dead goose and puts it on Pam&#8217;s desk] Pam: Merry Christ&#8211;[looks up] NO! Why&#8230; why did you bring that here? Dwight: Don&#8217;t worry, she&#8217;s dead. Oh wait. He&#8217;s dead. Pam: Dwight, what uh&#8230; Dwight: I accidentally ran over it. It&#8217;s a Christmas &hellip;" />
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var random_text = new random_text();
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// Incremental list of all possible Text
random_text[number++] = "I know that patience and loyalty are good, and virtuous traits. But sometimes I just think you need to grow a pair."
random_text[number++] = "Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch!"
random_text[number++] = "Saboteur! I'm going to kill you for real. This game--- the game is over. I'm really going to shoot you. "
random_text[number++] = "I have this little vacuum cleaner that's broken. If Dwight doesn't work out, maybe that could be manager. "
random_text[number++] = "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."
random_text[number++] = "Jim is gone. He's gone. I miss him so much. Ooooh I cry myself to sleep, Jim! FALSE. I do not miss him."
random_text[number++] = "No! That is the fun of this place. I call everybody 'faggie'. Why would anybody find that offensive?"
random_text[number++] = "You don't call retarded people 'retards'. It's bad taste. You call your friends 'retards' when they're acting retarded."
random_text[number++] = "Maybe we could go out for a beer sometime. And you could tell me... how... you do that to another dude."
random_text[number++] = "I went to Cornell, you ever heard of it?"
random_text[number++] = "Hey, what about Angela? She's hard and severe. She could be a gay woman."
random_text[number++] = "That is so cool that you're gay. I totally underestimated you."
random_text[number++] = "I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about?"
random_text[number++] = "The company has made it my responsibility today to put an end to 100,000 years of being weirded out by gays."
random_text[number++] = "That's what she said. Or he said."
random_text[number++] = "I call her Hillary Rodham Clinton. Right? Not to her face, because... well, not because I'm scared of her. Because I'm not."
random_text[number++] = "Uh, is Josh concerned about downsizing himself? Not downsizing himself, but is he concerned about downsizing?"
random_text[number++] = "No, I am not going to tell them. I don't see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer."
random_text[number++] = "Safety violation. I could fall and pierce an organ."
random_text[number++] = "You can go mess with Josh's people, but I'm the head of this family, and you ain't gonna be messing with my chillin."
random_text[number++] = "I guess the atmosphere that I've created here is that I'm a friend first, and a boss second... and probably an entertainer third."
random_text[number++] = "They always want credit for something they supposed to do! What you want a cookie?"
random_text[number++] = "'...in this way, I can truly be a hero. Signed, Daffy Duck. He's going to lose it when he reads that."
random_text[number++] = "This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell out of here."
random_text[number++] = "Um, let me ask you, is there a term besides Mexican that you prefer? Something less offensive?"
random_text[number++] = "Come on, Olympics of Suffering right here. Slavery versus the Holocaust. Come on."
random_text[number++] = "You'll notice I didn't have anybody be an Arab. I thought that would be too explosive. No pun intended."
random_text[number++] = "That doesn't really make sense. Because you don't call them collared people, that's offensive."
random_text[number++] = "Any time Michael asks me to do anything, I just tell him that Dwight should do it."
random_text[number++] = "Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead."
random_text[number++] = "Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will."
random_text[number++] = "He's got to come out sometime. To go to the bathroom."
random_text[number++] = "I thought you said you were inventing diseases? That's spontaneous dental hydroplosion."
random_text[number++] = "Well, once you get down into the mine, what... you got laser tag or something?"
random_text[number++] = "Uh, leprosy? Flesh eating bacteria. Hot-dog fingers. Government-created killer nanorobot infection."
random_text[number++] = "It's an epidemic."
random_text[number++] = "Why did you write that down Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?"
random_text[number++] = "Hey, hey, everybody. Ice-cream sandwiches! Aaaahh!"
random_text[number++] = "OK, now. Who wrote this, hysterical one? Anal fissures?"
random_text[number++] = "See I learned improv from the greats, like, um, Drew Carey and Ryan Stiles."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, the water cooler was brought over here for... maintenance. So what do you guys hear? What's the scuttlebutt?"
random_text[number++] = "I think green is kind of whoreish."
random_text[number++] = "Mint chocolate chip! That'd be good, how about some, mint chocolate chip?"
random_text[number++] = "Do you want to form, an alliance, with me?"
random_text[number++] = "Meredith had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to work or it'll poop on the floor."
random_text[number++] = "Listen, Oscar, generosity and togetherness and community all convalescences into... morale. That's what I say, so..."
random_text[number++] = "Meredith, bad breath. Meredith has bad breath."
random_text[number++] = "One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I am better at hiding than they are... at vision."
random_text[number++] = "He's downstairs, in a box, on the floor, near the shelves. I'm serious."
random_text[number++] = "You know what? If I were allergic to dairy, I think I'd kill myself."
random_text[number++] = "I will use your talents come baseball season, my friend. Or if we box."
random_text[number++] = "And by gay I mean, um, you know, not in a homosexual way at all. I mean the uh, you know, like the bad-at-sports way."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, yuck, that's worse than you playing. ... 'Cause we need you as an alternate in case somebody gets hurt."
random_text[number++] = "Who am I? Am I Michael Scott? I don't know... I might just be a basketball machine."
random_text[number++] = "Ah, Katy. Wow. Look at you. You are, uh you're like the new and improved Pam. Pam 6.0."
random_text[number++] = "Amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies."
random_text[number++] = "I live by one rule. No office romances. No way. Very messy. Inappropriate. No. But, I live by another rule: Just do it. Nike."
random_text[number++] = "Oh definitely, definitely step in and out of it like that."
random_text[number++] = "Uh, Pam, one more thing. Um, how do girls your age feel about futons?"
random_text[number++] = "Wow. How many filet-o-fishes did you eat? "
random_text[number++] = "I mean, who's gonna give Kevin an award? Dunkin' Donuts?"
random_text[number++] = "Ah, it's just easier to say T.M.I. I used to say 'Don't go there' but that's... lame."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, yeah, this is the part where Kevin sat in front of the camcorder all night. It's great."
random_text[number++] = "Who? Dave Barry?"
random_text[number++] = "It'll be fine, I just...wish people were going to be drunk."
random_text[number++] = "The Dundies, how can I explain it? Awards you like to hate it. I'm psyched you all made it."
random_text[number++] = "And I just want to tell you please, please, do not drink and drive. Because you may hit a bump and spill the drink!"
random_text[number++] = "This says 'Bushiest Beaver.'"
random_text[number++] = "No, no. Cause the ice melts and then it's like second drink!"
random_text[number++] = "And, I feel God in this Chili's tonight. WOOOOOOOO!"
random_text[number++] = "I'm an early bird, and I'm a night owl. So I'm wise, and I have worms."
random_text[number++] = "Every so often, Jim dies of boredom."
random_text[number++] = "You see Dwight's coffee mug? Sometimes when he's not here I try to throw things in it."
random_text[number++] = "You try and hurt Mozart, you're going to get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy. "
random_text[number++] = "Oh, most honorable Pamera. Not offensive, because that's the way they talk in movies."
random_text[number++] = "Sometimes we play 'Who can put the most M&M's in their mouth?'"
random_text[number++] = "We sell beets to local stores and restaurants. It's a nice little farm. Sometimes teenagers use it for sex."
random_text[number++] = "Yeah, I got a game. It's called work hard so my kids can go to college."
random_text[number++] = "I do play games. I sing and I dangle things in front of my cats."
random_text[number++] = "Hey, look! Cool. Carpenter ants."
random_text[number++] = "If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn't hear the other dead people."
random_text[number++] = "Jim, they refer to it as Flonkerton."
random_text[number++] = "There's a basic principle in real estate. That you should never be the best looking person in the development."
random_text[number++] = "Question. Where can I put my terrarium?"
random_text[number++] = "I call it Pam Pong. I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk and goes to reception to talk to you."
random_text[number++] = "Although two bathrooms would have been nice, we just have the one. And it's under the porch. "
random_text[number++] = "Nobody likes beets, Dwight. Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy."
random_text[number++] = "Oh. Thanks. Thanks. It's very cool. It's a three bedroom. Gay friendly."
random_text[number++] = "No, never heard of it. No, a real disability, not a woman's trouble."
random_text[number++] = "You burned your foot on a Foreman Grill?"
random_text[number++] = "I tried hopping Kevin, and I bumped my elbow against the wall and now my elbow has a protruberance."
random_text[number++] = "Hey, Pam, I'm assistant regional manager, and I can take care of him. Part of my duties are to"
random_text[number++] = "Ok, see you later, Pan."
random_text[number++] = "Pam, please. I have Country Crock."
random_text[number++] = "Oh God no, Dwight isn't my friend... Oh my God! Dwight's kind of my friend!"
random_text[number++] = "Get Ryan. He needs to lift me. And he needs to clean me up a little bit. Bring a wet towel."
random_text[number++] = "He grew into a man overnight. Rare disability, still works."
random_text[number++] = "I want to clamp Michael's face in a George Foreman grill."
random_text[number++] = "You know what? We're not that different, you and I. When I clamped my foot into a non-stick..."
random_text[number++] = "The rules of shotgun are very simple and very clear. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion."
random_text[number++] = "Chuck E. Cheese? Oh, God, I'm so sick of Chuck E. Cheese."
random_text[number++] = "You can't fire me. I don't work in this van!"
random_text[number++] = "Doctor, what is more serious, a head injury or a foot injury?"
random_text[number++] = "Me so horny. Me love you long tim."
random_text[number++] = "Hey Dwight, pass the tardy sauce. Get it Michael?"
random_text[number++] = "I am very flattered. I was his second choice after 'Pass.'"
random_text[number++] = "Every success I've ever had at my job or with the lady-folk has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down."
random_text[number++] = "Let's go. The men's room was disgusting."
random_text[number++] = "No thank you, I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear."
random_text[number++] = "We trade on the New York Stock Exchange. Ever heard of it? It's in New York."
random_text[number++] = "Angela, you seem so happy. I bet you wish you were like this all the time."
random_text[number++] = "'Schruted' it. It's just this thing that people say around your office all the time."
random_text[number++] = "I don't know. Who knows how words are formed."
random_text[number++] = "Um... Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi."
random_text[number++] = "You sounded like my niece, and she's six months old!"
random_text[number++] = "I never take vacations, I never get sick, and I don't celebrate any major holidays."
random_text[number++] = "You know what they say? Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice, strike three."
random_text[number++] = "Well, I like pretty women who have the appearance of intelligence."
random_text[number++] = "And where it asks to state your business, he wrote 'Beeswax. Not yours, Inc.'"
random_text[number++] = "I overslept. Damn rooster didn't crow."
random_text[number++] = "But remember, while today it is me, we all shall fall. In other words, I am quitting. So... "
random_text[number++] = "Oomp-a-Loomp-a-Doompity-Dawesome, Dwight is now gone which is totally awesome."
random_text[number++] = "Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy? No, he was not. He was a total douche. Doopity-doomp."
random_text[number++] = "Dwight will be missed. Not by me so much, but, he will be missed."
random_text[number++] = "One of my life goals was to die right here in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered."
random_text[number++] = "And when I came to, I had an epiphery."
random_text[number++] = "Then you take these bad boys and clip them anywhere on the engine. Then you take these and clip them wherever."
random_text[number++] = "You just twist your hand until something breaks."
random_text[number++] = "Number eight, learn how to take off a woman's bra. We will demonstrate on Pam."
random_text[number++] = "This may be Phyllis' only wedding ever. ... So I am instituting prima nocta."
random_text[number++] = "I'm sorry. I had a very different understanding as to what prima nocta meant."
random_text[number++] = "Actually, it's more of a guy's afternoon in. A G-A-I. A gay."
random_text[number++] = "It's a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. An hour long shower with guys."
random_text[number++] = "It's not really any of my business, but I've gotten pretty good at reading the back of Jim's neck."
random_text[number++] = "Halpert! Tall, queer, handsome as ever."
random_text[number++] = "Okay. Co-ed naked strippers in this office. For realsies."
random_text[number++] = "SHUT UP ANGELA!"
random_text[number++] = "Ruddy cheeks, thick calves, no tats, no moles, no tats."
random_text[number++] = "Michael referred me to a male strip club called Banana Slings."
random_text[number++] = "Is she hot? Text back, 'Kind of.'"
random_text[number++] = "Michael, Dwight would like your man meat."
random_text[number++] = "You know what I find sexy? Pam's art. She's an artist and I appreciate that. It's very moving and sexy. The art."
random_text[number++] = "You smell like Tide detergent. Do you use Tide detergent?"
random_text[number++] = "Well, Ben Franklin, you're really kind of a sleezebag."
random_text[number++] = "Stripper? Could I ask you a question about women? Um, should I tell my girlfriend that you danced up on me?"
random_text[number++] = "I don't care what Jim says, that is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure."
random_text[number++] = "Really makes you wonder how Ben Franklin can become president, but someone like Elizabeth can't."
random_text[number++] = "She's prettier than you though."
random_text[number++] = "That's a very rude thing to say, Kevin."
random_text[number++] = "Straight teeth. Curly hair. Amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies."
random_text[number++] = "Not that we're all millionaires. ...I'm probably closest."
random_text[number++] = "Moms, primarily. Yep. Soccer moms. Single moms. NASCAR moms. Any type of moms, really."
random_text[number++] = "Man, I would be all over that if I wasn't dating Pam."
random_text[number++] = "You're not prying this out of my hands, but don't tempt me because I'll give it to you!"
random_text[number++] = "No, I didn't. I took back my chair that you took from me, but I didn't take your chair."
random_text[number++] = "Never ever, ever sleep with your boss. I am so lucky that Jan and I only got to second base."
random_text[number++] = "It's weird. Jan use to treat Michael like he was a ten year old, but lately it's like he's five."
random_text[number++] = "Extremely excited? ... Just very? That's cool."
random_text[number++] = "Is he going to be a slacker-loser-wise-ass like Jim was? Or is he going to join the Dwight Army of Champions?"
random_text[number++] = "When you are ready to see the sales office, the sales office will present itself to you. Your journey begins now."
random_text[number++] = "Hey Koselli, the Kos. Cosby. Hey hey hey. I love Jello Pudding pops. My son, Theo, loves Jello Pudding Pops too."
random_text[number++] = "Once a year they bring in a little cart and they give away free pretzels. It's really not a big deal. To some people it is."
random_text[number++] = "And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I'm going to plant my seed in you."
random_text[number++] = "What a pair of Mary's."
random_text[number++] = "Wrong. He's not afraid of anything. Also, I would have accepted snakes."
random_text[number++] = "You need to vanquish fear! One must wrestle fear to the ground. You will now wrestle my cousin Mose!"
random_text[number++] = "Ryan. Don't. Ryan! You don't have to wrestle him. Just get in the coffin. Ryan?"
random_text[number++] = "Michael always said, K.I.S.S. Keep it simple, stupid. Great advice, hurts my feelings every time."
random_text[number++] = "Are we not, are we not, are we not? Are you with me, are you with me? Thank you very much!"
random_text[number++] = "You know what? They're going to be screwed once this whole internet fad is over."
random_text[number++] = "AM or PM?"
random_text[number++] = "Three hundred and sixty four days, till the next Pretzel Day."
random_text[number++] = "'Happy Valentine's Day darling. Love Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.'"
random_text[number++] = "New York, New York. City so nice they named it twice. Manhattan is the other name."
random_text[number++] = "It's me. I'm the bobble head. Yes!"
random_text[number++] = "I hooked up with her on February 13th."
random_text[number++] = "Here it is, heart of New York City, Times Square. Named for the good times you have when you're in it."
random_text[number++] = "Okay, there's a guy pooping in a cardboard box down there."
random_text[number++] = "You mean, like a ham?"
random_text[number++] = "Great Scott!"
random_text[number++] = "Care for it. Feed it. Lovingly, the way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving."
random_text[number++] = "You're evil, like a hobbit."
random_text[number++] = "It's time for our first quarter camaraderie event, so pack a swimsuit, a toothbrush, rubber-soled shoes, and a ski mask."
random_text[number++] = "Last year, Michael's theme was 'Bowl over the Competition!' So guess where we went."
random_text[number++] = "I think you're thinking of The Hunt for Red October."
random_text[number++] = "In an office, when you are ranking people, manager is higher than captain. On a boat, who knows? It's nebulose."
random_text[number++] = "Sometimes you have to just be the boss of dancing."
random_text[number++] = "Do you want us to run aground, woman?!"
random_text[number++] = "You know what? I would save the receptionist. I just wanted to clear that up."
random_text[number++] = "I don't know. Let's break up."
random_text[number++] = "Captain Jack is a fart face. I'm on medication."
random_text[number++] = "BFD. Engaged ain't married."
random_text[number++] = "Never, ever, ever give up."
random_text[number++] = "If it's the same thing, then why did you write 'workspace'?"
random_text[number++] = "Kevin! That's inappropriate."
random_text[number++] = "Wait. What are you writing? Don't write Ebola or mad cow disease. Right? 'Cause I'm suffering from both."
random_text[number++] = "I have tried to treat you all as adults, but obviously I am the only adult here. Number one, inverted penis."
random_text[number++] = "Robin Williams. Oh, man, would I love to go head-to-head with him."
random_text[number++] = "Meredith had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to work or it'll poop on the floor."
random_text[number++] = "Meredith, let's hope the only downsizing that happens to you is that someone downsizes your age."
random_text[number++] = "Is your password Frodo? Did you just change it to Gollum?"
random_text[number++] = "Swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans! So..."
random_text[number++] = "This is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head."
random_text[number++] = "I really hope that Dwight doesn't make me work. Maybe I should sleep with him? ... I'm kidding, kidding. Totally kidding."
random_text[number++] = "This is our warehouse. Or, as I like to call it, the whorehouse. But don't you call it that, I've earned the right."
random_text[number++] = "Darryl Philbin. Then Regis, then Rege, then Roger, then Mister Rogers."
random_text[number++] = "You still getting it regular man? Huh? I mean, I can tell her it's part of the job!"
random_text[number++] = "Uh, 'I'll help, Elwyn Dragonslayer, uh, ten points, power sword!'"
random_text[number++] = "Please don't throw garbage at me."
random_text[number++] = "Hey, there he is! Secret weapon!"
random_text[number++] = "Aw, come on! What is wrong with me today!? Usually hit those!"
random_text[number++] = "Same team, Dwight."
random_text[number++] = "You have the day off. Like coming in an extra day is gonna prevent us from being downsized. Have a good weekend!"
random_text[number++] = "Question, who's the best player in the league? Answer, The Question. Or the Drunkmeister."
random_text[number++] = "Toby's divorced. God, that's hard. That really ripped you up. She got the kids right?"
random_text[number++] = "And I know it's illegal in Pennsylvania, but it's for charity. And I consider myself a great philanderer."
random_text[number++] = "It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it, so family heirloom."
random_text[number++] = "I don't believe you. Continue."
random_text[number++] = "We've remained good friends. Good friends with privileges. Not now, some day."
random_text[number++] = "Comedy is very much alive, as are homeless people."
random_text[number++] = "There's a great soup kitchen in downtown Scranton. Delicious pea soup on Thursdays."
random_text[number++] = "Why are you the way that you are?"
random_text[number++] = "Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not... that way."
random_text[number++] = "I hate so much about the things that you choose to be."
random_text[number++] = "Guys, the Afghanistananies."
random_text[number++] = "Okay, you know what? No. No. AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried."
random_text[number++] = "And I hope to someday live in a world where a person could tell a hilarious AIDS joke. It's one of my dreams."
random_text[number++] = "Dinkin' flicka."
random_text[number++] = "You know, stuff like, 'Fleece it out.' 'Going mach five.' 'Dinkin' flicka.' You know, things us Negroes say."
random_text[number++] = "We really don't do a lot of weddings. We actually don't play in public very often."
random_text[number++] = "Hey Carol, how goes the real estate biz? Is it real good?"
random_text[number++] = "Jan Levinson, I presume?"
random_text[number++] = "Two queens on Casino Night. I am going to drop a deuce on everybody."
random_text[number++] = "Code name Re/Max is here. No sign of Lan Jevinson."
random_text[number++] = "Michael said, 'We must deceive them, so as not to hurt them, and in that way, we honor them.'"
random_text[number++] = "Oh, I steal things all the time. It's just something I do. I stopped caring a long time ago. Honestly, I love stealing things."
random_text[number++] = "Old friends, new lovers, and the disabled! Welcome all!"
random_text[number++] = "Let's get it started! Black-Eyed Crows."
random_text[number++] = "Bluffing is a key part of poker, which is too bad, because I'm not very good at bluffing. ...Did you believe me?"
random_text[number++] = "One beer and one Seven and Seven with eight maraschino cherries, sugar on the rim, blended if you can."
random_text[number++] = "Look, I won! Look I have all the clovers!"
random_text[number++] = "Thanks. I never owned a refrigerator."
random_text[number++] = "I was just... I'm in love with you."
random_text[number++] = "I just needed you to know. Once."
random_text[number++] = "Come on. I don't wanna do that. I wanna be more than that."
random_text[number++] = "Um, I don't know, mom, he's my best friend. Yeah, he's great. Yeah, I think I am."
random_text[number++] = "And we both have to hear Dwight order deer urine over the Internet, so it evens out."
random_text[number++] = "It's my wedding. And I don't want anyone there who has called me a hussy."
random_text[number++] = "Yes, thanks, Fantastic Sam's. Adult Cut Plus. Comes with a shampoo and blow dry."
random_text[number++] = "I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?"
random_text[number++] = "What do you know about conflict resolution? Your answer to everything is to get divorced. So..."
random_text[number++] = "Because in this office, it is 'till death do us part... assuming we don't get downsized."
random_text[number++] = "It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, and God has a really cute sense of humor."
random_text[number++] = "Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day and wants a seat facing the receptionist."
random_text[number++] = "Here is a Kelly complaint: 'Ryan never returns my calls.' Ugh, join the club."
random_text[number++] = "Someone complained that the men's room is 'whites only'. Stanley, you know that's not true."
random_text[number++] = "OK, Ryan. You told Toby that Creed has a distinct old man smell?"
random_text[number++] = "I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious. But they smell like death."
random_text[number++] = "Solution: Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin that will make him uncomfortable."
random_text[number++] = "When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life."
random_text[number++] = "And my middle name is 'Kurt', not 'Fart'."
random_text[number++] = "Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? If they didn't work, everybody would still be in the cage."
random_text[number++] = "'Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert.'"
random_text[number++] = "'Everyone has called me 'Dwayne' all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to.'"
random_text[number++] = "'This morning, I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder.'"
random_text[number++] = "'Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the woman's room. When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can.'"
random_text[number++] = "'Every time I typed my name, it said 'Diapers'.'"
random_text[number++] = "Yeah, I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. And that's how I spent my entire day that day."
random_text[number++] = "I'm sort of an expert at Photoshop, so it turned out fine in the end."
random_text[number++] = "And everyday, for eight years, people have laughed at me. Well, who's laughing now?"
random_text[number++] = "It was a crime of passion, Jan, not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled."
random_text[number++] = "Yeppers."
random_text[number++] = "And Roy was lucky that Dwight only used pepper spray. And not the nunchucks or the throwing stars."
random_text[number++] = "Don't want it. Won't open it. Don't need it. Won't take it."
random_text[number++] = "Wikipedia... is the best thing ever."
random_text[number++] = "Sex, Steve Martin, Terri Hatcher."
random_text[number++] = "I don't think Michael intended to punish me, by putting Ryan back here with Kelly. But, if he did intend that? Wow. Genius."
random_text[number++] = "I am declining to speak first."
random_text[number++] = "Are you wearin' lady clothes? Those look like lady... pants."
random_text[number++] = "So I don't think that this is totally just a woman's suit. At the very least it's bisexual."
random_text[number++] = "Uh, MISSterious. And it is mysterious because the buttons are on the wrong side... that's the mystery."
random_text[number++] = "Make one tiny mistake, you're dead. I made one tiny mistake. I wore woman's clothes."
random_text[number++] = "For example, every year I get a $100 gas card... Can't put a price tag on that."
random_text[number++] = "Yeah, I heard how much Michael makes. I still think he's way over paid."
random_text[number++] = "So the big fella pulls out a sock filled with nickels. Then Schrute grabs a can of hairspray and a lighter---"
random_text[number++] = "Where? I'm gonna smack you in the head with a hammer. Come on, let's go."
random_text[number++] = "What is so stupid about wanting to name a baby Usher? Usher Jennifer Hudson Kapoor."
random_text[number++] = "Pippity poppity, give me the zoppity."
random_text[number++] = "Jim--- Roy--- Look out!"
random_text[number++] = "Were you going to tell me that you hired James Van Der Beek?"
random_text[number++] = "You gonna play it like this? You give me a good raise, or no more sex."
random_text[number++] = "It will be a groundbreaking case when it inevitably goes to trial."
random_text[number++] = "It was a weird day. I accidentally cross-dressed."
random_text[number++] = "All right, Levinson. Here's the rub."
random_text[number++] = "But you know, life is about more... than just salaries. It's about perks. Like having sex with Jan."
random_text[number++] = "So look out Dunder Mifflin'! I mean, look out... in a fun way! You know, not like, I'm gonna hurt you... "
random_text[number++] = "You know who's a real hero? Hiro, from Heroes. That's a hero. Also, Bono."
random_text[number++] = "It's really for anybody with a dream and a belief in magic and a little extra time after school."
random_text[number++] = "Which is unfortunate because as it turns out, Dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs."
random_text[number++] = "I did not become a Lackawanna County Volunteer Sheriff's deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven't."
random_text[number++] = "I enjoy the tangy zip of Miracle Whip."
random_text[number++] = "Stop! This is not Kelly Kapoor story hour."
random_text[number++] = "Smokin' doobies. Doobie brothers, I was smokin' doobies with my brothers. Peace out, Seacrest!"
random_text[number++] = "Have you ever... pooped... a balloon?"
random_text[number++] = "No! You said that I'd be conducting the interview when I walked in here. Now exactly how much pot did you smoke?"
random_text[number++] = "Why do you keep CC'ing me on things that have nothing to do with me?"
random_text[number++] = "Jim is not allowed to talk until after he buys me a coke. Those are the rules of jinx, and they are unflinchingly rigid."
random_text[number++] = "It has to be official, and it has to be urine."
random_text[number++] = "I am ridiculously anti-drug. So anti-drug that I am above suspicion in any way that involves suspicion, or testing of any kind."
random_text[number++] = "Pam, can you take this down? In addition to Toby's urine being tested, I would like to test his blood and his hair."
random_text[number++] = "And I wasn't planning on going to the bathroom, and I don't even know if anything is going to come out, okay?"
random_text[number++] = "A cup could find its way under the urine. It might be an accident. It happens."
random_text[number++] = "My father's name was Dwight Schrute. My grandfather's name was Dwight Schrute. His father's name Dwide Schrude. Amish."
random_text[number++] = "Yes! Thank you! You will get rich quick. We all will!"
random_text[number++] = "When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help!"
random_text[number++] = "Today is my B-day, and people around here just go crazy for it."
random_text[number++] = "Fun fact. I share my birthday with Eva Longoria. So, I have a perfect ice-breaker if I ever meet Terry Hatcher."
random_text[number++] = "Let's get the party started. Not the way I taught you!"
random_text[number++] = "I never really thought about death until Princess Diana died. That was the saddest funeral ever. That and my sister's."
random_text[number++] = "Well, I guess I forgot to give you a donut."
random_text[number++] = "It's 'For the Longest Time,' by William Joel. It's your favorite song."
random_text[number++] = "You're making it worse. I bet Luke Perry's friends don't treat him like this."
random_text[number++] = "It is 11:23 exactly, the exact moment when you emerged from your mother's vaginal canal."
random_text[number++] = "Happy birth moment, Michael."
random_text[number++] = "Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair."
random_text[number++] = "I did, however, tip my urologist, because... I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones."
random_text[number++] = "No cookie.'"
random_text[number++] = "Luke, this is your father. Come set the table for dinner."
random_text[number++] = "Well, you're pretty much driving everyone else here crazy... crazy with worry."
random_text[number++] = "Where have you been? And don't say the bathroom, 'cause I kicked in all the stalls."
random_text[number++] = "You know, give yourself an exam. Those things are like ticking time bags. Alright? Think about it."
random_text[number++] = "Well, apparently in the medicine community, negative means good. Which makes absolutely no sense."
random_text[number++] = "Michael's birthday was actually pretty cool. It was a good day. I don't know... It was a good day."
random_text[number++] = "I put out a bunch of extra candy out on my desk so the kids will come talk to me. ...Like the witch in Hanzel and Gretel."
random_text[number++] = "I am... like Superman, and the people who work here are like citizens of Gotham City."
random_text[number++] = "Why be a dad when you can be a fun uncle? I've never heard of anyone rebelling against their fun uncle."
random_text[number++] = "I'm learning that 'fun' for Kelly is... getting married and having babies. Immediately. With me."
random_text[number++] = "That's your name? Mister Poop?"
random_text[number++] = "Are you Mother Goose?"
random_text[number++] = "Boy have you lost your mind? 'Cause I'll help you find it!"
random_text[number++] = "Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life."
random_text[number++] = "Have you ever seen a foot with four toes?"
random_text[number++] = "I want to be married and have a hundred kids so I can have a hundred friends, and no one can say no to being my friend."
random_text[number++] = "I need a username. And... I have a great one. Little kid lover. That way, people will know exactly where my priorities are at."
random_text[number++] = "Question: Do their pizzas play DVDs?"
random_text[number++] = "Abso-fruit-ly. Fruit. Grapes. Nailed the joke."
random_text[number++] = "'Thank you, Mr. Blank. Thank you very, very, very...'"
random_text[number++] = "It was me against Raj Patel. And I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word 'failure'."
random_text[number++] = "Look, it doesn't matter what you say. It just matters that you're saying something that people care about."
random_text[number++] = "Pam! I'm public speaking. Stop public interrupting me."
random_text[number++] = "The very best of luck to you, Dwight."
random_text[number++] = "I always set it at 69."
random_text[number++] = "Actually, I don't see myself ever getting married."
random_text[number++] = "Blood alone moves the wheels of history!"
random_text[number++] = "WE ARE WARRIORS!"
random_text[number++] = "I captivated the guy who captivated a thousand guys. Can you believe that? A thousand guys?"
random_text[number++] = "Ryan is a temp, and that means that he could go at any time. Am I worried about that? Try scared to death."
random_text[number++] = "Man, this must be torture for you."
random_text[number++] = "So, uh, what's the 411? Any news on the 'P' situation?"
random_text[number++] = "It's Grrrrrrape! Soda."
random_text[number++] = "Hey you know what we could do? We could spread out a blanket in the break room. Have a little picnic, order some 'za. Talk about you know who."
random_text[number++] = "Oh man, you should order milk. Get it?"
random_text[number++] = "Why do I like Hooters? Well I will give you two reasons, the boobs and the hot wings."
random_text[number++] = "Mmmm, sounds yummy. I will have a chicken breast hold the chicken."
random_text[number++] = "Including prep time?"
random_text[number++] = "If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds and nobody would ever know I had ever been here. And I'd forget too."
random_text[number++] = "You're not his friend, you don't know. He is in love with a girl he works with who's engaged. So just cut me some slack. Please?"
random_text[number++] = "You know what Kevin? Jim is a friend of mine, so the only people that this crush really concerns is Jim and Pam... and me."
random_text[number++] = "You are so busted. Ice skates, shopping bags? I think I know what's going on here. You weren't sick at all."
random_text[number++] = "So I can use his malfeasance to establish leverage. Otherwise, it's just malfeasance for malfeasanceses-ses sake."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, I thought that was more on a volunteer basis."
random_text[number++] = "People are always coming to me. 'Michael, I have a secret. You're the only one I trust.'"
random_text[number++] = "An emergency like, you have an ice cream cake, and you're in the sun, and it's melting?"
random_text[number++] = "You don't use it to buy refrigerators, Kevin!"
random_text[number++] = "Drew. I'm Drew now."
random_text[number++] = "I've got a new attitude. And a new name. And... a bunch of new techniques for dealing with the grumpies."
random_text[number++] = "I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday... for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna."
random_text[number++] = "Dwight says that he actually doesn't know one single fact about bear attacks."
random_text[number++] = "Jim, tell him that bears can climb faster than they can run. Jim! Tell him!"
random_text[number++] = "And if I know Darryl, it gonna be zoppity."
random_text[number++] = "'Hey Darryl, how's it hangin'?!'"
random_text[number++] = "Toby now has the floor... and he is going to try not to screw this up, like everything else in his life."
random_text[number++] = "This is shenanigans, foolishness, NERF-ball. You live a sweet, little, NERF-y life. Sittin' on your biscuit. Never havin' to risk it."
random_text[number++] = "What, NERF isn't cool anymore?"
random_text[number++] = "Really, ten? That's your guess? You're a professional accountant."
random_text[number++] = "You go to the science museum and you put your hand on a metal ball, your hair sticks up straight... and you know science."
random_text[number++] = "Indubitably."
random_text[number++] = "Ta-freakin'-da!"
random_text[number++] = "Creed is eating an apple. I found a potato."
random_text[number++] = "Find out whose car that is. If it's Stanley's, call the offices of James P. Albini, see if he handles hate crimes."
random_text[number++] = "When you land, try and land like an eight year-old. These bouncy castles are not designed for adults."
random_text[number++] = "Michael is awesome! Jumpin' off the roof! Bouncin' on the bouncy bounce! Show 'em who's boss! Rip a hole in the suuuuuuun!"
random_text[number++] = "Un-shun. Never. Re-shun."
random_text[number++] = "The stress of my modern office, has caused me to go into a depression."
random_text[number++] = "Dwight, you ignorant slut."
random_text[number++] = "Depression is a very serious illness. Over 32 thousand people commit suicide every year! According to a 2004 study!"
random_text[number++] = "My head is in such pain! And turmoil!"
random_text[number++] = "If someone gives you 10,000 to 1 on anything, you take it. If John Mellencamp ever wins an Oscar, I am going to be a very rich dude."
random_text[number++] = "I Braveheart."
random_text[number++] = "I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? I really can't say. But, yes."
random_text[number++] = "You look as beautiful as the Queen of England."
random_text[number++] = "We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic, but the weddings are a bleak affair."
random_text[number++] = "Wow. That is... that is pungent. I lost my train of thought."
random_text[number++] = "There are too many people on this Earth. We need a new plague."
random_text[number++] = "I look really good in white."
random_text[number++] = "Congratulations, Phyllis. You look lovely. Your dress is very white. So white, my eyes are burning."
random_text[number++] = "Attention, please. I am supposed to ask if anyone has seen Uncle Al. He is old and has brown eyes and dementia."
random_text[number++] = "Webster's Dictionary defines 'wedding' as the fusing of two metals with a hot torch."
random_text[number++] = "For your convenience, I've broken it down into three parts: professional resume, athletic and special skills resume, and Dwight Schrute trivia."
random_text[number++] = "How would I describe myself? Three words. Hard-working, Alpha male, Jackhammer, Merciless, Insatiable."
random_text[number++] = "All four parts. Recorded it on my computer. It took me forever."
random_text[number++] = "I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, hello, Oscar. How was your gay-cation?"
random_text[number++] = "Gonna go home. Get my beer on. Get my 'Lost' on."
random_text[number++] = "Which is like, 'Right on.' And Pam was like 'blah blah blah' and you were like 'Yeah, psht.' Nailed it."
random_text[number++] = "He's always up in my bidness. Which is ebonics for 'being in my face and annoying the bejesus out of me.'"
random_text[number++] = "I don't understand how someone could have so little self-awareness."
random_text[number++] = "Your gayness does not define you. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you to me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar's Mexicanity."
random_text[number++] = "So Phyllis... I want you to go find firecrackers. And a Chihuahua. Pam, in the frozen food section, Swanson makes a delightful chimichanga."
random_text[number++] = "I will literally be standing right here if you need anything at all."
random_text[number++] = "Who's that sportscaster that bit that lady? Marv something? Andy is like Marv Something. Great sportscaster. Big weirdo creep."
random_text[number++] = "Dwight has a big personality and I have a big personality. And a lot of times when two people like that get together it can be explosive."
random_text[number++] = "I don't trust you, Phyllis!"
random_text[number++] = "Here's a little newsflash! It's not funny! In fact, it's pretty freakin' unfunny!"
random_text[number++] = "That... was an overreaction. Gonna hit the break room. Does anybody want anything? Pam, you good?"
random_text[number++] = "It takes a big man to admit his mistake. And I am that big man."
random_text[number++] = "I think we broke his brain."
random_text[number++] = "No, let the record show that Dwight K. Schrute is now completely nude and is holding a plastic knife to Stanley's neck?!"
random_text[number++] = "Dwight, what is that on your stomach? Is that a Muppet Babies tattoo?"
random_text[number++] = "I am now chopping off Phyllis' head with a chainsaw! ... Rin-in-in-in-in-in!"
random_text[number++] = "You are not as much fun as your Jamaican brothers... mon."
random_text[number++] = "He said it would be like we were living together. In different houses. Two blocks away."
random_text[number++] = "Feelin' hot, hot, hot! That's all I know so far, but I'm gonna keep practicing."
random_text[number++] = "Inventory is boring. In the islands, they don't make you do stuff like take inventory. Why do you think so many businesses move to the Caymans?"
random_text[number++] = "How hard is a luau? All you need are some grass skirts, pineapple, poi, tiki torches, suckling pig, some fire dancers. That's all you need."
random_text[number++] = "No, no, no. No, that's a German woman named Urkel Grue."
random_text[number++] = "Sex. We had sex. I had sex with her. I had sex with Jan."
random_text[number++] = "OK, wait a second. I sent it to you at... Packer@DunderMifflin.com... Packaging'@DunderMifflin.com. Uh oh."
random_text[number++] = "Boring. Call me if she rolls over."
random_text[number++] = "It contains a file, a picture. The file name is 'Jamaican Jan Sun Princess.'"
random_text[number++] = "I help Phyllis all the time. Just yesterday, I untangled a piece of tape from her hair. So, yeah."
random_text[number++] = "I bet you would love all the details, wouldn't you? Skeevy little perv."
random_text[number++] = "No, no, no. I am not dating Jan. She was very clear about that."
random_text[number++] = "Did you try the petting zoo?"
random_text[number++] = "Tell her I'm not here. Tell... tell her, I ran out for cash. I hit a deer. I hit a deer with my car. Tell her I hit a cat. Tell her I hit a cat."
random_text[number++] = "So you're PMSing pretty bad, huh?"
random_text[number++] = "And I, to you, in addition, feel the same feelings that you are as well."
random_text[number++] = "Jan, you... complete... me."
random_text[number++] = "What am I going to do? I'm gonna hang it up at home. I don't have a lot of art."
random_text[number++] = "I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks."
random_text[number++] = "You ruined a funny joke, you. Get out of my offive."
random_text[number++] = "If you bring your boss to class, it automatically bumps you up a full letter grade. So... I'd be stupid not to do it, right?"
random_text[number++] = "Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing."
random_text[number++] = "May your hats fly as high as your dreams."
random_text[number++] = "Pam's with Roy. I'm with Karen. And, uh, Brangelina is with Frangelina. Movin' on."
random_text[number++] = "Campus. Brings back so many memories. ... That I would have made."
random_text[number++] = "Poop is raining from the ceilings. Poop!"
random_text[number++] = "The bat, I mean, I know I felt it bite me, but look. There's no mark. I feel so... tingly... so strangely powerful... Oh well."
random_text[number++] = "There are four kinds of business: Tourism. Food service. Railroads, and sales. And hospitals slash manufacturing. And air travel."
random_text[number++] = "If a vampire bat was in the U.S., it would make sense for it to come to a 'sylvania.' Like PENN-sylvania."
random_text[number++] = "Or... a Whatchamacallit. Now, you need to sell those in order to have a PayDay. And, if you sell enough of them, you will make a 100 Grand. Satisfied?"
random_text[number++] = "The more stickers you sell, the more profit, fancy word for money, you have to buy PlayStations and Beanie Babies."
random_text[number++] = "But I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog."
random_text[number++] = "You know what else is facing five Goliaths? America. Al-Qaeda, global warming, sex predators... mercury poisoning."
random_text[number++] = "Ryan... has never made a sale. And he started a fire trying to make a cheesy pita. And everybody thinks he's a tease."
random_text[number++] = "Business is always personal. It's the most personal thing in the world."
random_text[number++] = "It's cool if I go, right? I mean, I looked at all of them."
random_text[number++] = "Your art.. was the prettiest art of... all art."
random_text[number++] = "Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica."
random_text[number++] = "Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!"
random_text[number++] = "I am upset. Don't I sound upset?"
random_text[number++] = "Everybody in here. STAT. No time to lose. Cri-Man-Squa. F and C, doubletime."
random_text[number++] = "Midnight, Oscar!'"
random_text[number++] = "This day is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. This day is bananas! B-A-N-A-"
random_text[number++] = "I don't have a headache. I'm just preparing."
random_text[number++] = "I need two men on this. That's what she said. No time! But she did. NO TIME!"
random_text[number++] = "That's what happened to O.J."
random_text[number++] = "I will do whatever it takes to survive. Like I did... when I was a homeless man."
random_text[number++] = "I like ice cream too, mate. Alligators and dingo babies."
random_text[number++] = "Beer me!"
random_text[number++] = "I always say 'Beer me.' Gets a laugh like a quarter of the time."
random_text[number++] = "Check out this sunshine, man. Global warming, right? Today was supposed to be really cold, I bet."
random_text[number++] = "Lord, beer me strength."
random_text[number++] = "Those are the money beets."
random_text[number++] = "Mrs. Allen is our most important client... because every client is our most important client. Even though she's a pretty unimportant client, really."
random_text[number++] = "Not important. Because you're not dating her. Because it's a felony."
random_text[number++] = "May I point out that the sex appeared to be consensual? Both animals were smiling."
random_text[number++] = "Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doin' a goat, couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right."
random_text[number++] = "I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable."
random_text[number++] = "Yeah, well I'm calling the Ungrateful Bi-atch Hotline!"
random_text[number++] = "By now you are probably sick of hearing about Dunder Mifflin and our embarrassing watermark boner."
random_text[number++] = "Uh, you could never withstand a SWAT team."
random_text[number++] = "If I could leave you with one thought, remember... it wasn't me."
random_text[number++] = "If I am fired, I swear to God, that every single piece of copier paper in this town is going to have the F-word on it. The F-word. You have one day."
random_text[number++] = "I feel terrible about Debbie Brown. She got fired because of Dwight."
random_text[number++] = "Ah-luh-luh, a little comment. Muh."
random_text[number++] = "Hey, Karen, wanna get t-together later and have sexual intercourse cause you're my girlfriend?"
random_text[number++] = "MAGIC MAGIC Magic Magic magic magic..."
random_text[number++] = "And now, Michael the Magic, will attempt to escape from extreme bondage."
random_text[number++] = "Separately, on an unrelated note, if you happen to find a small brass key..."
random_text[number++] = "Ready? Come on guys. Early worm gets the worm."
random_text[number++] = "Another worm? Like, are they friends?"
random_text[number++] = "Let me smell. ... Good, not great."
random_text[number++] = "So, look out world, cause ol' Pammy is getting what she wants. And, don't call me Pammy."
random_text[number++] = "Only really good friends show up early. Ergo de facto. Go to a party really early. Become a really good friend."
random_text[number++] = "It's been sitting in my car all day. Sun beating down on the mayonnaise. Just, you never know."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, you know that line on the top of the shrimp? That's feces."
random_text[number++] = "Downside? I, uh, date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star."
random_text[number++] = "Why is this so hard? That's what she said. Oh my God. What am I saying?"
random_text[number++] = "Do you ever watch Battlestar Galactica? No? Then you are an idiot."
random_text[number++] = "I'm the only one left. Everyone else was either fired or quit. And there is one in Anger Management."
random_text[number++] = "I run a small fake ID company from my car with a laminating machine I swiped from the sheriff's station."
random_text[number++] = "Why are we going in the bathroom? I thought this is where you liked your privacy."
random_text[number++] = "Oh good, you're up. Hey, who makes this chair?"
random_text[number++] = "I found some termite damage in a crawl space and some structural flaws in the foundation so all in all, it was a pretty fun cocktail party."
random_text[number++] = "I want the house, Jan. I want the picket fence. I want the ketchup fights and the tickling, and the giggling."
random_text[number++] = "Don't break up you guys, you're great together."
random_text[number++] = "I'm gonna kill Jim Halpert."
random_text[number++] = "OK, I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disadulation."
random_text[number++] = "I think I just got flashed."
random_text[number++] = "OK, I'll call the real police."
random_text[number++] = "The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what's all the fuss?"
random_text[number++] = "If that's flashing, then lock me up."
random_text[number++] = "Um... I mean did he even see Pam? Or, uh... Karen from behind?"
random_text[number++] = "Oh, come on. We are laughing at Phyllis, but she's not even here, so no harm, no foul."
random_text[number++] = "Uh-huh. Prove it. Let's see your penis. ... ... I... you know, as that was coming out of my mouth, I knew that it was wrong."
random_text[number++] = "And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop. Although last time... she pretended she didn't hear me."
random_text[number++] = "For example, Jan and I have a safe word in case things go too far. Foliage. "
random_text[number++] = "Better 1,000 innocent men are locked up than one guilty man roam free."
random_text[number++] = "There are several penises there I'd love Phyllis to run her eyes over. You know, see if we can catch this pervert."
random_text[number++] = "Dwight, are those your pants? That's a Polaroid. "
random_text[number++] = "And I know... I know what you're thinking. [Pam nods] Won't that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take."
random_text[number++] = "Phallus?"
random_text[number++] = "Phyllis, sorry. I've got penises on the brain. Back to work, everybody."
random_text[number++] = "Especially if it had been Jim. He would not have wanted me to have seen Jim's... Whoo, I am... I am saying a lot of things."
random_text[number++] = "Attention. I am removing all bananas from the kitchen."
random_text[number++] = "If Pam wants to show more cleavage, she should be able to. I encourage that."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, I don't know, James. Did I come from a woman? Have I slept with a woman? More than one?"
random_text[number++] = "Those are collectible action figures and they're worth more than your car."
random_text[number++] = "You know what? I am the expert. I will conduct it. I know the crap out of women."
random_text[number++] = "Nobody likes to be flashed. When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party, I nearly vomited."
random_text[number++] = "Even the hot ones aren't really that skinny."
random_text[number++] = "No. I'm being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist."
random_text[number++] = "Michael. When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian."
random_text[number++] = "My car, my rules."
random_text[number++] = "I think you mean a girl's locker room. And in the fantasy, there's usually girls in it."
random_text[number++] = "Many women are competent drivers."
random_text[number++] = "This is what we know'."
random_text[number++] = "I figured. It's cool. I don't <20> I wouldn't want to be in an office relationship anyway."
random_text[number++] = "What is a Pap smear? Or is it 'shmear?' Like the cream cheese."
random_text[number++] = "Awesome. Um, awful, I mean. But, uh, sometimes awesome."
random_text[number++] = "I just... I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress."
random_text[number++] = "Sometimes, the clothes at GapKids are just too flashy. So I'm forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls."
random_text[number++] = "Jan says anything that doesn't scare us is not worth doing."
random_text[number++] = "I don't know. Maybe we're different people. I like cuddling and spooning and she likes videotaping us during sex."
random_text[number++] = "And then watching it back right afterward to improve my form."
random_text[number++] = "No, it's not that bad. The worst part is that she shows it to her therapist and they discuss it."
random_text[number++] = "You guys... what are we gonna do about Jan?"
random_text[number++] = "Breasts: not anything to write home about. Insecure about body. I'm unhappy when I'm with her. Flat-chested."
random_text[number++] = "She's totally flat. Shrunken chesticles."
random_text[number++] = "But... for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked."
random_text[number++] = "I'm a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing. I like to go in the women's room for number two. I've been caught several times and I have paid dearly."
random_text[number++] = "You know what, I would love to buy you a fresh set of underwear."
random_text[number++] = "Do you have a... a crescent? A crescent Allan?"
random_text[number++] = "Dunder-Mifflin paper/sex predator hotline, this is Dwight Schrute."
random_text[number++] = "Not it. I don't have eggs."
random_text[number++] = "About 40 times a year, Michael gets really sick, but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, is it possible you ate food that contained animal waste?"
random_text[number++] = "It was never my intention to ruin a life. But you know what? Sometimes... you just gots to get your freak on."
random_text[number++] = "May God guide you in your quest."
random_text[number++] = "Michael is taking the whole office to the beach. So I'm wearing my bathing suit underneath my shirt. Oh, yeah... I packed it in my purse."
random_text[number++] = "Oscar, you brought your Speedo, I assume?"
random_text[number++] = "Well, you can't swim in leather pants. I'm just yankin' your chain. Not literally."
random_text[number++] = "I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head."
random_text[number++] = "I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted."
random_text[number++] = "If you don't like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus."
random_text[number++] = "I hope there will be management parables."
random_text[number++] = "Jim Halpert. Pros: smart, cool, good-looking. Remind you of anybody you know?"
random_text[number++] = "Dwight is an obvious candidate for my job. He has the best sales record in the office. He loves the work. He is, however, an idiot."
random_text[number++] = "No, the blue team."
random_text[number++] = "Andy Bernard. Pros: He's classy. He gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him."
random_text[number++] = "There's already a twist, you're carrying an egg on a spoon."
random_text[number++] = "I see these contests as an opportunity for me to demonstrate what a good sport I am. Mallard!"
random_text[number++] = "There's nothing better than a beautiful day at the beach, filled with sun, surf, and uh... diligent note-taking."
random_text[number++] = "Just eat it, eat it, Phyllis. Dip it in the water so it'll slide down your gullet more easily."
random_text[number++] = "The winner gets a regional manager's salary for a year, and a Sebring, and the feeling that they are making a difference in the world."
random_text[number++] = "I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than work for somebody else in this office besides myself. Game on!"
random_text[number++] = "Nobody told me we were going to have hot dogs!"
random_text[number++] = "Now I am saying sabotage. The ancient Dutch art of screwing up your own team."
random_text[number++] = "If Michael organizes some kind of group hug, stand next to me."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, my God. I have never seen that look in a man's eyes... ever. I thought that I might die. On beach day."
random_text[number++] = "I think I might try girls for a while. Angela thinks I can cross over. We'll see."
random_text[number++] = "Angela, it's pretty simple! Look at what I'm doing and go tell somebody about it!"
random_text[number++] = "At various times you gave Jim ten points, Dwight a gold star, and Stanley a thumbs up. And I don't really know how to compare those units."
random_text[number++] = "How so? I mean... sure thing, that sounds smart... I can't do this anymore! I'm goin' to sit in the bus."
random_text[number++] = "I'm gonna do it. And I fully expect to burn my feet and go to the hospital."
random_text[number++] = "Hello? Who's there? My name is Andrew Bernard, I was with a group called Dunder Mifflin. Hello?"
random_text[number++] = "Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And now we're not even friends."
random_text[number++] = "What's different about you? You look worse."
random_text[number++] = "What's up, Big Haircut? You are no longer Big Tuna. From henceforth, you shall be known as Big Haircut."
random_text[number++] = "Karen suggested that I get a haircut for the interview tomorrow so that I could look presentable and not, as she so lovingly puts it, homeless."
random_text[number++] = "Pam is... kind of a bitch."
random_text[number++] = "Convoys are really fun. Pull up next to each other, give each other the finger... Moon each other."
random_text[number++] = "Are you kidding? I would have never done that. It was pathetic-ville. No offense, Pam."
random_text[number++] = "You know what? Don't even worry about it. Everyone was so drunk, I bet no one even remembers what you said."
random_text[number++] = "www.creedthoughts.gov.www/creedthoughts. Check it out."
random_text[number++] = "I sold it on eBay. The buyer was very motivated, as was I. It went for eighty percent of what I paid. Sold in record time."
random_text[number++] = "My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified."
random_text[number++] = "Pam, Defcon ten. Houston, we have a problem."
random_text[number++] = "Weird. Yeah, I didn't get both of your messages."
random_text[number++] = "No, it's fine. I'm sure it must have been weird for Jim when Roy and I were joking around... that one time."
random_text[number++] = "I would never do that. Waste of money. In my experience, guys are way more attracted to the back of you than the front."
random_text[number++] = "I am gonna be your new boss. It's my greatest dream come true. Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check in time is now. Check out time is never."
random_text[number++] = "No. And the sheets are made of fire."
random_text[number++] = "Sorry, we're all booked up. Hell convention in town."
random_text[number++] = "You're not the manager even in your own fantasy?"
random_text[number++] = "I'm the owner. The co-owner. With Satan!"
random_text[number++] = "Okay, just so I understand it, in your wildest fantasy you are in Hell and you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil?"
random_text[number++] = "I love fake boobs. Often times, you find them on strippers."
random_text[number++] = "I find it offensive. Au natural, baby. That's how I like 'em. Swing low, sweet chariots."
random_text[number++] = "I'll tell you this, it is not because of the boob job. Excuse me, boob enhancement."
random_text[number++] = "That would be shallow. And this is the opposite of shallow. This is... emotionally magnificent."
random_text[number++] = "Cause I am what I am. ... That's Popeye."
random_text[number++] = "I agree. But in another way, I am off to a very good start, wouldn't you say?"
random_text[number++] = "I am a great interviewee. Why? Because I have something no one else has: my brain. Which I use to my advantage, when advantageous."
random_text[number++] = "Your advice was good, but Jan's was bigger."
random_text[number++] = "That is Beardy."
random_text[number++] = "Just say, 'I want to squeeze them.' It's code. She'll know what it means."
random_text[number++] = "I learned from Jim, if Dwight ever asks you to accept something secret... you reply, 'Absolutely, I do.'"
random_text[number++] = "So ten thousand of your dollars is worth one real dollar?"
random_text[number++] = "There's a new sheriff here in these offices, and his name is 'me.'"
random_text[number++] = "In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley Nickels if you never talk to me again."
random_text[number++] = "What's the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks?"
random_text[number++] = "The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns."
random_text[number++] = "Is it because of these?"
random_text[number++] = "Hey! You're<i/> unstable!"
random_text[number++] = "David, I did not tell her."
random_text[number++] = "I could wear stretch pants and wait for you to come home at 5:15. It could work. This could work, really!"
random_text[number++] = "Why is my office black?"
random_text[number++] = "So I'm back. And I am never, ever going to leave. I am going nowhere."
random_text[number++] = "This place... is like... the hospital where I was born, my house, my old age home, and my... graveyard... for my bones."
random_text[number++] = "But, uh, until then... I can hold my head up. ... I'm not gay."
random_text[number++] = "Pam. Sorry. Um, are you free for dinner tonight?"
random_text[number++] = "All right. Then... it's a date."
random_text[number++] = "I'm sorry, what was the question?"
random_text[number++] = "Oh no, it's bad. It's real bad. It's like eating a hot circle of garbage."
random_text[number++] = "No, you don't even know what stupid is. It's about to get all stupid up in here!"
random_text[number++] = "Stanley, could you look up 'accomplices'?"
random_text[number++] = "I'm not kidnapping him, I'm keeping him until I get what I want."
random_text[number++] = "Yes, is Alfredo there? Can I speak to a manager then?"
random_text[number++] = "We're all accomplices now anyway, so we figured we might as well eat."
random_text[number++] = "We would like to order some good pizza, from Alfredo's Pizza Cafe, while we wait for the hostage situation with the bad pizza to end."
random_text[number++] = "I stole it!"
random_text[number++] = "If anyone out there is listening, I'm being held here against my will. I'm a minor."
random_text[number++] = "If you're going number one you've got ten more seconds!"
random_text[number++] = "Oh my God, oh my God, no, no, no. I kidnapped a kid."
random_text[number++] = "Take a chance on me, that's all I ask of you Angela."
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<p><a href="/">Home</a><br />
<a href="/contactMe.php">Contact Me</a><br />
<a href="/topQuotes.php">Top Quotes</a><br />
<a href="/fanLove.php">Fan Love</a><br />
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<p><u><b>Season I</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no1-01.php">Pilot</a><br />
02. <a href="/no1-02.php">Diversity Day</a><br />
03. <a href="/no1-03.php">Health Care</a><br />
04. <a href="/no1-04.php">The Alliance</a><br />
05. <a href="/no1-05.php">Basketball</a><br />
06. <a href="/no1-06.php">Hot Girl</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season II</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no2-01.php">The Dundies</a><br />
02. <a href="/no2-02.php">Sexual Harassment</a><br />
03. <a href="/no2-03.php">Office Olympics</a><br />
04. <a href="/no2-04.php">The Fire</a><br />
05. <a href="/no2-05.php">Halloween</a><br />
06. <a href="/no2-06.php">The Fight</a><br />
07. <a href="/no2-07.php">The Client</a><br />
08. <a href="/no2-08.php">Performance Review</a><br />
09. <a href="/no2-09.php">E-mail Surveillance</a><br />
10. <a href="/no2-10.php">Christmas Party</a><br />
11. <a href="/no2-11.php">Booze Cruise</a><br />
12. <a href="/no2-12.php">The Injury</a><br />
13. <a href="/no2-13.php">The Secret</a><br />
14. <a href="/no2-14.php">The Carpet</a><br />
15. <a href="/no2-15.php">Boys and Girls</a><br />
16. <a href="/no2-16.php">Valentine&#8217;s Day</a><br />
17. <a href="/no2-17.php">Dwight&#8217;s Speech</a><br />
18. <a href="/no2-18.php">Take Your Daughter to Work Day</a><br />
19. <a href="/no2-19.php">Michael&#8217;s Birthday</a><br />
20. <a href="/no2-20.php">Drug Testing</a><br />
21. <a href="/no2-21.php">Conflict Resolution</a><br />
22. <a href="/no2-22.php">Casino Night</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season III</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no3-01.php">Gay Witch Hunt</a><br />
02. <a href="/no3-02.php">The Convention</a><br />
03. <a href="/no3-03.php">The Coup</a><br />
04. <a href="/no3-04.php">Grief Counseling</a><br />
05. <a href="/no3-05.php">Initiation</a><br />
06. <a href="/no3-06.php">Diwali</a><br />
07. <a href="/no3-07.php">Branch Closing</a><br />
08. <a href="/no3-08.php">The Merger</a><br />
09. <a href="/no3-09.php">The Convict</a><br />
10. <a href="/no3-10.php">A Benihana Christmas</a><br />
11. <a href="/no3-11.php">Back From Vacation</a><br />
12. <a href="/no3-12.php">Traveling Salesmen</a><br />
13. <a href="/no3-13.php">The Return</a><br />
14. <a href="/no3-14.php">Ben Franklin</a><br />
15. <a href="/no3-15.php">Phyllis&#8217; Wedding</a><br />
16. <a href="/no3-16.php">Business School</a><br />
17. <a href="/no3-17.php">Cocktails</a><br />
18. <a href="/no3-18.php">The Negotiation</a><br />
19. <a href="/no3-19.php">Safety Training</a><br />
20. <a href="/no3-20.php">Product Recall</a><br />
21. <a href="/no3-21.php">Women&#8217;s Appreciation</a><br />
22. <a href="/no3-22.php">Beach Games</a><br />
23. <a href="/no3-23.php">The Job</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season IV</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no4-01.php">Fun Run</a><br />
02. <a href="/no4-02.php">Dunder Mifflin Infinity</a><br />
03. <a href="/no4-03.php">Launch Party</a><br />
04. <a href="/no4-04.php">Money</a><br />
05. <a href="/no4-05.php">Local Ad</a><br />
06. <a href="/no4-06.php">Branch Wars</a><br />
07. <a href="/no4-07.php">Survivor Man</a><br />
08. <a href="/no4-08.php">The Deposition</a><br />
09. <a href="/no4-09.php">Dinner Party</a><br />
10. <a href="/no4-10.php">Chair Model</a><br />
11. <a href="/no4-11.php">Night Out</a><br />
12. <a href="/no4-12.php">Did I Stutter?</a><br />
13. <a href="/no4-13.php">Job Fair</a><br />
14. <a href="/no4-14.php">Goodbye Toby</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season V</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no5-01.php">Weight Loss</a><br />
02. <a href="/no5-02.php">Business Ethics</a><br />
03. <a href="/no5-03.php">Baby Shower</a><br />
04. <a href="/no5-04.php">Crime Aid</a><br />
05. <a href="/no5-05.php">Employee Transfer</a><br />
06. <a href="/no5-06.php">Customer Survey</a><br />
07. <a href="/no5-07.php">Business Trip</a><br />
08. <a href="/no5-08.php">Frame Toby</a><br />
09. <a href="/no5-09.php">The Surplus</a><br />
10. <a href="/no5-10.php">Moroccan Christmas</a><br />
11. <a href="/no5-11.php">The Duel</a><br />
12. <a href="/no5-12.php">Prince Family Paper</a><br />
13. <a href="/no5-13.php">Stress Relief</a><br />
14. <a href="/no5-14.php">Lecture Circuit 1</a><br />
15. <a href="/no5-15.php">Lecture Circuit 2</a><br />
16. <a href="/no5-16.php">Blood Drive</a><br />
17. <a href="/no5-17.php">Golden Ticket</a><br />
18. <a href="/no5-18.php">New Boss</a><br />
19. <a href="/no5-19.php">Two Weeks</a><br />
20. <a href="/no5-20.php">Dream Team</a><br />
21. <a href="/no5-21.php">Michael Scott Paper Company</a><br />
22. <a href="/no5-22.php">Heavy Competition</a><br />
23. <a href="/no5-23.php">Broke</a><br />
24. <a href="/no5-24.php">Casual Friday</a><br />
25. <a href="/no5-25.php">Cafe Disco</a><br />
26. <a href="/no5-26.php">Company Picnic</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season VI</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no6-01.php">Gossip</a><br />
02. <a href="/no6-02.php">The Meeting</a><br />
03. <a href="/no6-03.php">The Promotion</a><br />
04. <a href="/no6-04.php">Niagara</a><br />
05. <a href="/no6-05.php">Mafia</a><br />
06. <a href="/no6-06.php">The Lover</a><br />
07. <a href="/no6-07.php">Koi Pond</a><br />
08. <a href="/no6-08.php">Double Date</a><br />
09. <a href="/no6-09.php">Murder</a><br />
10. <a href="/no6-10.php">Shareholder Meeting</a><br />
11. <a href="/no6-11.php">Scott&#8217;s Tots</a><br />
12. <a href="/no6-12.php">Secret Santa</a><br />
13. <a href="/no6-13.php">The Banker</a><br />
14. <a href="/no6-14.php">Sabre</a><br />
15. <a href="/no6-15.php">Manager and Salesman</a><br />
16. <a href="/no6-16.php">The Delivery</a><br />
17. <a href="/no6-17.php">St. Patrick&#8217;s Day</a><br />
18. <a href="/no6-18.php">New Leads</a><br />
19. <a href="/no6-19.php">Happy Hour</a><br />
20. <a href="/no6-20.php">Secretary&#8217;s Day</a><br />
21. <a href="/no6-21.php">Body Language</a><br />
22. <a href="/no6-22.php">The Cover-Up</a><br />
23. <a href="/no6-23.php">The Chump</a><br />
24. <a href="/no6-24.php">Whistleblower</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season VII</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no7-01.php">Nepotism</a><br />
02. <a href="/no7-02.php">Counseling</a><br />
03. <a href="/no7-03.php">Andy&#8217;s Play</a><br />
04. <a href="/no7-04.php">Sex Ed</a><br />
05. <a href="/no7-05.php">The Sting</a><br />
06. <a href="/no7-06.php">Costume Contest</a><br />
07. <a href="/no7-07.php">Christening</a><br />
08. <a href="/no7-08.php">Viewing Party</a><br />
09. <a href="/no7-09.php">WUPHF.com</a><br />
10. <a href="/no7-10.php">China</a><br />
11. <a href="/no7-11.php">Classy Christmas</a><br />
12. <a href="/no7-12.php">Ultimatum</a><br />
13. <a href="/no7-13.php">The Seminar</a><br />
14. <a href="/no7-14.php">The Search</a><br />
15. <a href="/no7-15.php">PDA</a><br />
16. <a href="/no7-16.php">Threat Level Midnight</a><br />
17. <a href="/no7-17.php">Todd Packer</a><br />
18. <a href="/no7-18.php">Garage Sale</a><br />
19. <a href="/no7-19.php">Trainin Day</a><br />
20. <a href="/no7-20.php">Michael&#8217;s Last Dundies</a><br />
21. <a href="/no7-21.php">Goodbye Michael</a><br />
22. <a href="/no7-22.php">The Inner Circle</a><br />
23. <a href="/no7-23.php">Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager</a><br />
24. <a href="/no7-24.php">Search Committee</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season VIII</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no8-01.php">The List</a><br />
02. <a href="/no8-02.php">The Incentive</a><br />
03. <a href="/no8-03.php">Lotto</a><br />
04. <a href="/no8-04.php">Garden Party</a><br />
05. <a href="/no8-05.php">Spooked</a><br />
06. <a href="/no8-06.php">Doomsday</a><br />
07. <a href="/no8-07.php">Pam&#8217;s Replacement</a><br />
08. <a href="/no8-08.php">Gettysburg</a><br />
09. <a href="/no8-09.php">Mrs. California</a><br />
10. <a href="/no8-10.php">Christmas Wishes</a><br />
11. <a href="/no8-11.php">Trivia</a><br />
12. <a href="/no8-12.php">Pool Party</a><br />
13. <a href="/no8-13.php">Jury Duty</a><br />
14. <a href="/no8-14.php">Special Project</a><br />
15. <a href="/no8-15.php">Tallahasse</a><br />
16. <a href="/no8-16.php">After Hours</a><br />
17. <a href="/no8-17.php">Test the Store</a><br />
18. <a href="/no8-18.php">Last Day In Florida</a><br />
19. <a href="/no8-19.php">Get The Girl</a><br />
20. <a href="/no8-20.php">Welcome Party</a><br />
21. <a href="/no8-21.php">Angry Andy</a><br />
22. <a href="/no8-22.php">Fundraiser</a><br />
23. <a href="/no8-23.php">Turf War</a><br />
24. <a href="/no8-24.php">Free Family Portrait Studio</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season IX</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no9-01.php">New Guys</a><br />
02. <a href="/no9-02.php">Roy&#8217;s Wedding</a><br />
03. <a href="/no9-03.php">Andy&#8217;s Ancestry</a><br />
04. <a href="/no9-04.php">Work Bus</a><br />
05. <a href="/no9-05.php">Here Comes Treble</a><br />
06. <a href="/no9-06.php">The Boat</a><br />
07. <a href="/no9-07.php">The Whale</a><br />
08. <a href="/no9-08.php">The Target</a><br />
09. <a href="/no9-09.php">Dwight Christmas</a><br />
10. <a href="/no9-10.php">Lice</a><br />
11. <a href="/no9-11.php">Suit Warehouse</a><br />
12. <a href="/no9-12.php">Customer Loyalty</a><br />
13. <a href="/no9-13.php">Junior Salesman</a><br />
14. <a href="/no9-14.php">Vandalism</a><br />
15. <a href="/no9-15.php">Couples Discount</a><br />
16. <a href="/no9-16.php">Moving On</a><br />
17. <a href="/no9-17.php">The Farm</a><br />
18. <a href="/no9-18.php">Promos</a><br />
19. <a href="/no9-19.php">Stairmageddon</a><br />
20. <a href="/no9-20.php">Paper Airplane</a><br />
21. <a href="/no9-21.php">Livin&#8217; The Dream</a><br />
22. <a href="/no9-22.php">A.A.R.M</a><br />
23. <a href="/no9-23.php">Finale</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Other</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><a href="/webisodes.php">Webisodes &#8211; The Accountants</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-kevinsLoan.php">Webisodes &#8211; Kevin&#8217;s Loan</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-subtleSexuality.php">Webisodes &#8211; Subtle Sexuality</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-the3rdfloor.php">Webisodes &#8211; The 3rd floor</a><br />
<a href="/creedThoughts.php">Creed Thoughts</a><br />
<a href="/schruteSpace.php">Schrute Space</a></p>
</div>
</aside>
</div>
<main id="main" class="col-md-6 site-main" role="main">
<article id="post-91" class="post-91 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-uncategorized">
<header class="entry-header">
<h1 class="entry-title">Season 3 &#8211; Episode 10 &#8220;A Benihana Christmas&#8221;</h1>
<div class="entry-meta">
</div><!-- .entry-meta -->
</header><!-- .entry-header -->
<div class="entry-content">
<p> Written by Jennifer Celotta<br /> Directed by Harold Ramis </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> Merry Christmas! [holds up dead goose and puts it on Pam&#8217;s desk]<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Merry Christ&#8211;[looks up] NO! Why&#8230; why did you bring that here?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Don&#8217;t worry, she&#8217;s dead. Oh wait. He&#8217;s dead. <br /> <b>Pam:</b> Dwight, what uh&#8230; <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> I accidentally ran over it. It&#8217;s a Christmas miracle!<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Well, get it out of here. <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Relax, OK. And because this is Christmas, I am going to roast this goose and prepare it with a wild rice dressing. Do we have any cayenne pepper in the kitchen?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Merry Christmas Dwight.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Jim.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Wow. What have we got here?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> What does it look like? <br /> <b>Jim:</b> Dead goose. <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> And circle gets the square. <br /> <b>Jim:</b> All right.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> [to Pam] So can you watch this? I&#8217;m gonna get my carving knife out of the trunk. <br /> <b>Toby:</b> Oh, Dwight, we talked about this.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> No, Toby, this is different. He&#8217;s already dead. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> Once I brought in a duck. To prepare for lunch. And people got upset. Apparently, they got attached to the duck and didn&#8217;t want to see it killed. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> He was already dead. And we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat has a delicious, smoky, rich flavor. Plus you can use the molten goose grease and save it in the refrigerator, thus saving you a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease. <br /> <b>Jim:</b> Wow. Win-Win.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Exactly. Thank you, Jim.<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> I like goose. If it&#8217;s already dead is it so crazy we eat it?<br /> <b>Creed:</b> That&#8217;s crazy. It&#8217;s crazy.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> Dwight, you cannot keep that here.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Ok, that is ridiculous. And totally against the spirit of Christmas. <br /> <b>Toby:</b> Come on Dwight. We went over this, like for a half an hour. <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> It&#8217;s Christmas Toby.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> It&#8217;s a dead animal in an office. You can&#8217;t&#8230; <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Toby&#8230; <br /> <b>Toby:</b> I&#8217;m sorry.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> [sighs] Please? Please?<br /> <b>Toby:</b> Clean it in your car.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> I would like it off my desk. <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Oh Pam. Take a chill pill. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> [Riding a bicycle down the hallway and singing] Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Fa la la la la la la la la. [Struggling to stay on] &#8216;Tis the &#8230; ack. [expletive] Hey! [to Pam] I would like a nice slice of Christmas Pam. Side of candied Pams. And perhaps, some Pam-chops, with mint&#8230; <br /> <b>Pam:</b> Can I help you, Michael?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8217;m looking for the toy drive box. <br /> <b>Pam:</b> It&#8217;s behind you. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> OK&#8230; Well, I need to put this bike in there. I hope it&#8217;ll fit, with all these little knickknacks.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Wow. What kind of bike is that?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Umm&#8230; I don&#8217;t know? Average kind?<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> The tires look pretty worn. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> Well, that is probably from the test drive.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> But the paint&#8217;s chipping. Is that your old bike, Michael?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> No.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Yo, Michael, sweet ride Mike.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh, thanks. [Michael and Andy do a fist bump and explosion.]<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Michael?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yes? [Pam holds up a bag] Oh Pam, that is so sweet. You didn&#8217;t have to do that. <br /> <b>Pam:</b> [hands over bag] I didn&#8217;t, it&#8217;s from corporate. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> OK. Did everybody get one of these? <br /> <b>Pam:</b> Yup.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Terrific. Good. </div>
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<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> This is going to be the best Christmas ever. My girlfriend Carol is coming to our party tonight, and I have a little surprise for her. [singing] I&#8217;ve got two tickets to paradise! Pack your bags, we&#8217;re leaving the day-after-tomorrow! Um, taking her to Sandals, Jamaica, all-inclusive. All-inclusive. You know what that means? Right? Yeah. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> [Creed takes toy from toy drive box.] Oh, I think you&#8217;re supposed to put a toy <i>in</i> the box, Creed. <br /> <b>Creed:</b> And a happy holiday to you. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> [Carol walks through door looking upset] [waves] Carol. <br /> <b>Carol:</b> Hi, is Michael around here?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> There she is. A Christmas Carol. Hello [kisses Carol] You&#8217;re about five hours early to the party. You&#8217;re such a blonde. [laughs] <br /> <b>Carol:</b> Michael.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Hey, everybody. I don&#8217;t know who you haven&#8217;t met yet, but I think this is one of them. This is my girlfriend &#8211; Carol. This is just the front of her. Show &#8217;em, show &#8217;em the other side. <br /> <b>Carol:</b> [whispers] What?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Turn around, turn around. Come on. [making a body turning gesture]<br /> <b>Carol:</b> Get outta here. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> No, you get outta here.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Michael<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yes.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> If I may say. She&#8217;s even prettier that you described her. <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> [standing up] Oh, ouch. Michael, I don&#8217;t think there is anything wrong with the way you described her. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> Thank you. <br /> <b>Carol:</b> I really need a moment alone with you. [Carol heads towards Michael&#8217;s office.]<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Not as much as I need a moment alone with you. [puts finger on her back and reaches for her butt] Berp. </div>
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<div class="quote"> <b>Carol:</b> What is this? [Holds up a Christmas photo]<br /> <b>Michael:</b> That is my Christmas card. It&#8217;s a picture of you and me and your kids on a ski trip, having a blast. Ski-sons Greetings. <br /> <b>Carol:</b> No. See, we never went on a ski trip.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I know.<br /> <b>Carol:</b> I went on a ski trip. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> Right.<br /> <b>Carol:</b> Two years ago with my kids and my ex-husband. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yes, but what you didn&#8217;t realize at the time was that I was with you in a sense. I was in your heart&#8230; <br /> <b>Carol:</b> Michael. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> And next to your kids. What?<br /> <b>Carol:</b> This is so weird. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> I don&#8217;t understand? </div>
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<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> It&#8217;s a bold move, to Photoshop yourself into a picture with your girlfriend and her kids on a ski trip with their real father. But then again, Michael&#8217;s a bold guy. [Towards unseen cameraman] Is bold the right word? </div>
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<div class="quote"> <b>Carol:</b> I think you&#8217;re a really sweet guy. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> OK<br /> <b>Carol:</b> But, um, I don&#8217;t know how to deal with, with this thing [waves Christmas card]. And, and the proposal. And I don&#8217;t think things are going to work out with us.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> No, no no no Ok, OK, You know what, you&#8217;re not thinking straight. You know what you need? You need to think this through in [making drum noise] Jamaica&#8217;s largest fresh water pool. <br /> <b>Carol:</b> What are you talking about? <br /> <b>Michael:</b> I got us tickets to Sandals, Jamaica, We leave day after tomorrow. [Carol shakes head in disappointment]. You better find the skimpiest bikini there is. <br /> <b>Carol:</b> Oh, no. Michael.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> And it&#8217;s all inclusive. <br /> <b>Carol:</b> Michael&#8230; <br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yes. <br /> <b>Carol:</b> I&#8217;m sorry.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> No, Carol. You walk out that door and it is over. <br /> <b>Carol:</b> I know. [Closes door.] </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Psst. Jim. [Jim turns around. Pam nods head towards her for him to come over] Um, hey. I need to give you your Christmas gift now because, well, I&#8217;ll just tell you. <br /> <b>Jim:</b> What?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> For the past few months I&#8217;ve been sending Dwight letters from the CIA. [hands a folder to Jim]<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Are you serious? <br /> <b>Pam:</b> They&#8217;re considering him for a top secret mission. There&#8217;s his application. Oh, and this is where I made him list every secret he promised he&#8217;d never ever tell.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> [Opens folder and reads from Dwight&#8217;s file] Last year, my boss, Michael Scott, took a day off because he said he had pneumonia, but really, he was leaving early to go to magic camp. Wow.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> So&#8230; here&#8217;s the gift. You get to decide what his top secret mission is. [Jim smiles] Sorry I didn&#8217;t wrap it. <br /> <b>Jim:</b> [closes folder] You know what? Uh, I really don&#8217;t think I should be doing this stuff anymore, you know? <br /> <b>Pam:</b> Oh.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> No, because of the promotion. <br /> <b>Pam:</b> Oh yeah.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> It just feels a little bit, like&#8230; <br /> <b>Pam:</b> No, I get it, of course. OK. [holds out hand for folder. Jim gives Pam back the folder.] </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> I feel like there&#8217;s a chance for me to start over. And if I fall back into the same kind of things I used to do., then &#8230; what am I doing? </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8217;d like everybody&#8217;s attention. Christmas is canceled. <br /> <b>Stanley:</b> You can&#8217;t cancel a holiday. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> Keep it up Stanley and you will lose New Year&#8217;s. <br /> <b>Stanley:</b> What does that mean?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Jim, take New Year&#8217;s away from Stanley.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Michael, what&#8217;s going on?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Carol and I split up. Amicably. And I just don&#8217;t think it would be appropriate to celebrate under the circumstances. <br /> <b>Jim:</b> Will they still air &#8216;Rudolph?&#8217;<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> That&#8217;s not fair. <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> [over everybody else&#8217;s talking] Are we gonna cancel Hanukah as well?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Fine! [everybody stops talking] Have your party. Just no guests. <br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> But we invited guests.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Well, you know what Phyllis? All of your guests would have probably canceled at the last minute anyway, leaving your life a stupid rotten mess. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Oh, oh, oh, oh, it hurts.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> I know. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> It hurts my heart. It hurts my stomach. It hurts my arms.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> OK, well, why are you laying like that? <br /> <b>Michael:</b> [moves a little] Thanks. How did you push away the bad thoughts?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Like what? <br /> <b>Michael:</b> Like maybe, the real reason they left was because there were things they wanted you to do in bed, that were, foreign, and scary?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Well.. um I, I don&#8217;t&#8230; <br /> <b>Michael:</b> And not that you didn&#8217;t want to try them. Some wine may have helped. Do you know what I&#8217;m referring to?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> I don&#8217;t need to know.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Michael. Sorry to interrupt. Uh, It appears we&#8217;re one bathrobe short.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Take it from Toby.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Copy. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> Hey, would you like to go to Sandals, Jamaica with me? <br /> <b>Pam:</b> No, thank you.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> It&#8217;s all&#8230; [Pam walks away.] OK. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Toby:</b> Hey Dwight. Pretty nice robe- [Dwight grabs bag with robe in it and walks away.] Why? </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Angela:</b> Phyllis, I need you to pick up green streamers at lunch.<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> I thought you said green was whorish.<br /> <b>Angela:</b> No, orange is whorish.<br /> <b>Karen:</b> Uh, so I had a couple of ideas to make the Stamford people feel more at home. Each year we have a Christmas raffle &#8230; [Phyllis and Pam nod their heads in agreement].<br /> <b>Angela:</b> It would never work here.<br /> <b>Karen:</b> Ok &#8230; um, another idea was karaoke &#8230; <br /> <b>Angela:</b> No.<br /> <b>Karen:</b> A Christmas drinking game &#8230; <br /> <b>Meredith:</b> Yes.<br /> <b>Angela:</b> God help you.<br /> <b>Karen:</b> What?<br /> <b>Angela:</b> These are all terrible ideas and none of them are on the theme of &#8220;A Nutcracker Christmas.&#8221; I think you should leave.<br /> <b>Karen:</b> You&#8217;re kidding.<br /> <b>Angela:</b> You tried this out, and it&#8217;s clearly not for you. It&#8217;s time to go. Come on. [Angela gets up from seat] Please. [Karen gets up and leaves] Thank you. OK, thank you very much. [Angela closes door] </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> What are you doing? [&#8220;Goodbye My Lover&#8221; by James Blunt plays]<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> [putting things into a box] We are getting rid of everything that reminds you of Carol.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Hey, what&#8217;s the haps? [Dwight shuts door in his face.]<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Carol?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Oh, look at this. [looks through papers] Your old condo closing papers. It&#8217;s riddled with Carol&#8217;s name. I wish I could throw this in the box. [Michael hits repeat to &#8220;Goodbye My Lover&#8221; on computer]<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Why don&#8217;t you just buy the whole song?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I don&#8217;t have to buy it. I just want to taste it. I just&#8230; I just want a little taste of it. <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Oh, look at this, she saved you two thousand dollars &#8217;cause they failed to report a mold problem. [Continues to sift through papers] But wouldn&#8217;t that affect the final&#8230; How did she? Oh, oh, I see what she did. That is good. Wow. Carol is one smart cookie. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> [singing] Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. [hits repeat again] </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> This is an old adage, but they say when you find true love, you know within the first 24 hours. With Carol, I knew within the first 24 minutes of the second day I met her. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> I feel like I&#8217;ve been kinda cold to Karen and there&#8217;s no real reason for it. I mean it&#8217;s not like she&#8217;s ever done anything to me. So, I think I probably shouldn&#8217;t be cold to her. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Hey, Karen. Sorry about that meeting today, that was really crazy.<br /> <b>Karen:</b> Yeah, right? I&#8217;m so glad you said that. Because, I don&#8217;t know how those meetings usually go.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Um, usually like that. <br /> <b>Karen:</b> Does anyone ever stand up to Angela or..?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> I think one of her cats did once. She came in with scratches all over her face. [both laugh]<br /> <b>Karen:</b> Right. <br /> <b>Pam:</b> Um, I really liked your karaoke idea. <br /> <b>Karen:</b> Oh cool, yeah.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> That could really be fun.<br /> <b>Karen:</b> Oh, thank you.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> You guys do a raffle?<br /> <b>Karen:</b> Yeah, we do a raffle&#8230; </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Toby:</b> Hey Kev.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Hey. [Toby puts hand on Kevin&#8217;s back, who is wearing the robe and feels it a little bit.] </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Angela:</b> This should&#8217;ve been up yesterday. [refers to party flyer]<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> It&#8217;ll be all right. <br /> <b>Angela:</b> [Pam puts up another flyer] What is that? [Reads flyer] The &#8220;Committee to Plan Parties invites you to a margarita-karaoke Christmas?&#8221; There&#8217;s no such thing as the &#8220;Committee to Plan Parties.&#8221; <br /> <b>Pam:</b> There is now. We just started it. <br /> <b>Angela:</b> Well, you just can&#8217;t start a committee. You have to have funding. <br /> <b>Karen:</b> What&#8217;s your funding?<br /> <b>Angela:</b> Two hundred dollars.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> What&#8217;s ours again?<br /> <b>Karen:</b> Umm, two hundred and one dollars. <br /> <b>Pam:</b> Oh right.<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> [pointing] Hey, a margarita-karaoke Christmas party, that sounds like fun.<br /> <b>Angela:</b> No, that is not a party. There&#8217;s only one party and it&#8217;s hosted by the Party PLANNING Committee and it starts at three o&#8217;clock. <br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Then why are there two flyers?<br /> <b>Karen:</b> Oh, I understand that this is confusing for everyone, let me explain. There&#8217;s a party that starts at three.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Right.<br /> <b>Karen:</b> And then there&#8217;s a way more fun party that starts at two forty-five. <br /> <b>Pam:</b> Right, and if you&#8217;re interested in the way more fun party, all the info can be found here on our more brightly colored flyer. [Angela rips down brightly colored flyer and walks away. Karen rips down Angela&#8217;s flyer.]<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> I didn&#8217;t see where it was. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Yup, looks like the Scranton people and the Stamford people are finally coming together. And that&#8217;s what you want, right? </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Karen:</b> I think that&#8217;s a really good option&#8230; <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Pam and Karen. I am ordering you to cease and desist all party planning. Immediately. <br /> <b>Pam:</b> You can&#8217;t do that.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> As ranking number three in this office, I am order &#8211;<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Umm&#8230; I&#8217;m number three.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> You&#8217;re number four.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Yeah, but I&#8217;m number three.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Ah, no. [to Pam and Karen] You must turn over to me all Christmas decorations and party paraphernalia immediately that will be returned to you on January fourth. <br /> <b>Jim:</b> OK, I think I can help here. <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Ok, good<br /> <b>Jim:</b> As ranking number two, I am starting a committee to determine the validity of the two committees and I am the sole member. The committee will act on this now. <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> OK, this is stupid.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Could you please keep it down? [interrupted Dwight] I&#8217;m in session. I&#8217;ve determined that this committee is valid. [Pam and Karen cheer.]<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> No no, no, wait, wait, wait [raises hand] Permission to join the Validity Committee.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Permission denied.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Damn it! </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Andy:</b> Hey. I can&#8217;t concentrate when I know you&#8217;re in pain, man. Let me take you to lunch. [Michael sighs.] C&#8217;mon, my treat. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> All right. Nothing here to distract myself with anyway.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> That&#8217;s my boy. I know the perfect place, too.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Hooters?<br /> <b>Andy:</b> No. Benihana. Much classier. But don&#8217;t worry, the babes are totally hot, too. [do a fist bump and explosion]<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Ah, I need my entourage [both exit Michael&#8217;s office] Jim. Dwight. Ryan. C&#8217;mon, we&#8217;re going to Asian Hooters. <br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Ah man, I can&#8217;t. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> Why not?<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> I&#8217;m not feeling so well. I&#8217;ve got a ton of work to do here. MSG allergy, peanut allergy, I just ate there last night. [Michael feels Ryan&#8217;s forehead]<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Ok, feel better.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Thanks.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> C&#8217;mon Jim, let&#8217;s go.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> OK. [to Ryan] Wow, thanks for taking all the excuses, dude.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Doctor appointment, car trouble, plantar warts, granddad fought in World War II. Use your head, man. I keep mine in here. [Holds up blackberry.] Look alive, Halpert. Welcome back. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho and you told her she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then &#8230; and then suddenly she&#8217;s not yo&#8217; ho no mo&#8217;. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Andy:</b> So she looks really hot, so I said, &#8220;You look hotter than usual today.&#8221; [to waitress] Thank you. Michael [gesturing to sit down.] Head of the table. <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Get out Jim. [Dwight tries to sit between Andy and Jim] Actually, um&#8230; [to two other people at the table] Sir, I&#8217;m going to need take this chair.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Dwight, just, just leave them alone please. They&#8217;re on a date. They look very happy. <br /> <b>Andy:</b> So she looks at me right, and she goes, &#8220;I&#8217;m sorry, don&#8217;t I even know you?&#8221; After a year, a <i>year</i> of buying lattes from her, do you believe that?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Yes.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> I can&#8217;t&#8230; I can&#8217;t here what you&#8217;re saying. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> Carol used to drink lattes. <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> [off screen at other end of table] What&#8217;re you talking about?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> She would get this little foam mustache&#8230; <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> [still off screen] Carol had a mustache?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> And I used to say &#8220;Hey, got latte?&#8221; And she&#8217;d say, that&#8217;s not funny. <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> [off screen] What are you guys talking about? <br /> <b>Michael:</b> She totally got me. She understood that we didn&#8217;t have to laugh to enjoy &#8212;<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Michael! Repeat what you said louder! </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> It is my job to be there for Michael. How can I be there for Michael if I&#8217;m here for Michael? [food is thrown at Dwight&#8217;s face] </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8217;m already starting to forget what color eyes she had. I can&#8217;t, OK, I&#8217;m gonna call her. I am gonna call and find out&#8230; <br /> <b>Andy:</b> No.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Who are you calling?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8217;m just gonna call her.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Put that away. Put that away. S.O.S. We&#8230; I&#8230; May day. Haha. Man down over here, [to waitress] we need your help. <br /> <b>Waitress:</b> What can I get for &#8216;ya?<br /> <b>Andy:</b> I think we&#8217;ll start with a round of noga-sakes. [waitress gives confused look] </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Andy:</b> One part eggnog, three parts sake. Some places won&#8217;t make it for you though, because eggnog is seasonal. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Phyllis:</b> You should, you should put out salt for the rims [referring to margaritas]<br /> <b>Pam:</b> That&#8217;s a great idea.<br /> <b>Angela:</b> Phyllis?<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> I was just getting a snack. <br /> <b>Pam:</b> You can have your snack in here.<br /> <b>Angela:</b> Pam, don&#8217;t tell her what to do! Phyllis.<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> OK. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kevin:</b> I think I&#8217;ll go to Angela&#8217;s party, because that&#8217;s the party I know. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Ryan:</b> I miss the days when there was only one party I didn&#8217;t want to go to. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Roy:</b> So I only use three? <br /> <b>Pam:</b> If you&#8217;re using more than three pieces of tape to wrap a present, you&#8217;re doing it wrong. <br /> <b>Roy:</b> OK. And where to do you get all those cool bows? <br /> <b>Pam:</b> Oh, I just get those at any party supply place. <br /> <b>Roy:</b> OK. Are you sure I can&#8217;t use like, the cartoons from the newspaper? <br /> <b>Pam:</b> Oh yeah, your mom would love that.<br /> <b>Roy:</b> [Karen walks in] Hey. All right, I&#8217;ll see you guys later. [leaves room]<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Bye. <br /> <b>Karen:</b> He&#8217;s cute. You should date him.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Oh, yeah&#8230; Maybe. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> Looks like you&#8217;ve got a little Nakiri knife action going there. <br /> <b>Chef:</b> No, it&#8217;s Usuba. <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Yeah, I bet you wish you had a Nakiri, though. <br /> <b>Chef:</b> Actually, the Usuba&#8217;s the better knife when you&#8217;re working with this quantity. <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Nah, I don&#8217;t know&#8230; Still think Nakiri&#8217;s better.<br /> <b>Woman at bar:</b> I think he&#8217;d know. [Dwight and her stare at each other] </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Nothing he&#8217;s doing is cheering me up.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Wait for the onion. Trust me. Hey Cindy, he just had his heart broken, you wouldn&#8217;t do that to him, would you?<br /> <b>Cindy:</b> I don&#8217;t know.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh, sure you would. Look at you, I bet you break up with a guy every hour. [Cindy laughs and walks away]<br /> <b>Andy:</b> You made her laugh. Yes! She totally digs us. [referring to what chef is doing] Watch, watch, watch, watch. [Onions smoke up] Heh, heh? What did I tell &#8216;ya?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> You&#8217;re right. That&#8217;s good. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Hello everyone. We would just like to announce that our party is starting now in the break room. So&#8230; you can come by&#8230; .<br /> <b>Angela:</b> I have a very important announcement to make&#8230; about&#8230; your paychecks. Umm&#8230; Your paychecks will be arriving as scheduled on Friday. And they will be in the correct amount that they are normally in&#8230; Please stand by for a very important announcement&#8230; refer..[starts to leave office] for further regarding your paycheck! [runs outside] </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
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<div class="quote"> <b>Angela:</b> [on cell phone to Dwight] I need to know if I can start the party?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Michael! Hey! Over here, Michael! [waves down Michael with a napkin and whistles to get attention]<br /> <b>Andy:</b> This drink&#8230; [in audible conversation with Michael]<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I don&#8217;t know. No one can hear me. You know what? Start the party. <br /> <b>Angela:</b> Did Michael give you permission to do this?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> [with conviction] Start the party. <br /> <b>Angela:</b> [Angela slams phone shut and runs back to office.] Also, I would like to inform you that, um, as a special treat, my party will be starting early. In fact, it will be starting right now [opens door to conference room.]<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Our party is also starting now [opens door to break room.]<br /> <b>Karen:</b> Yup. <br /> <b>Karen:</b> [Stanley gets up and walks towards the break room.] All right Stanley. Woo.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Good choice. [Kelly drags Ryan to the break room.]<br /> <b>Angela:</b> Welcome Hannah. You will not be disappointed.<br /> <b>Hannah:</b> Why would I be disappointed? <br /> <b>Angela:</b> I said you wouldn&#8217;t be disappointed. [Meredith heads towards break room.]<br /> <b>Angela:</b> Meredith, if you don&#8217;t come to my party, you will be very, very sorry.<br /> <b>Meredith:</b> Is that a threat?<br /> <b>Angela:</b> No, it&#8217;s an invitation. <br /> <b>Pam:</b> We have vodka!<br /> <b>Karen:</b> Lots of it! [Meredith leaves to break room party.] </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kevin:</b> I hear Angela&#8217;s party will have double-fudge brownies. It will also have Angela. Double fudge&#8230; Angela&#8230; double fudge&#8230; Angela [puts out hands to weigh his options] Hmmm&#8230; </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Angela:</b> Brownies. Cupcakes. [Kevin walks toward conference room]<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Don&#8217;t push it. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Karen:</b> Are we taking this too far? You know what, I don&#8217;t think we&#8217;re taking this far enough. [Pam and Karen look at each other] What?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> I got goose bumps. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Angela:</b> I don&#8217;t back down. My sister and I used to be best friends, and we haven&#8217;t talked in 16 years. Over some disagreement, I don&#8217;t even remember. So&#8230; yeah. I&#8217;m pretty good. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Ahh, damn this chicken is good. My compliments to the chef. [points to chef] Which is you! Right? Hahahaha. Awesome! I need some meat. I want some steak. [leans over to neighboring man&#8217;s plate] I see steak. <br /> <b>Man:</b> Excuse me.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Excuse me [tries to take away meat with chopsticks] Ah, un guard. [Fights with chopsticks and laughs] Family style. <br /> <b>Jim:</b> No, it&#8217;s not. <br /> <b>Andy:</b> Cindy, Cindy. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> I don&#8217;t think&#8230; I love it!<br /> <b>Andy:</b> I want you to close your eyes and imagine your dream house. [Cindy laughs] C&#8217;mon, do it for Michael. He&#8217;s had a really long day. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> [laughing] I don&#8217;t know what he&#8217;s doing.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> This is great.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Jim! Jim! What&#8230; What&#8217;s happening? <br /> <b>Jim:</b> Oh, [points to Cindy] she&#8217;s asleep. <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Oh&#8230; Narcolepsy. <br /> <b>Jim:</b> Probably. <br /> <b>Andy:</b> Now open your eyes and describe it to me. <br /> <b>Cindy:</b> I&#8230; don&#8217;t know, it has four bed rooms and a loft&#8230; <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Oh my gosh, now she&#8217;s up.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> And she&#8217;s trying to correctly butcher a goose, but she&#8217;s having trouble coming up with it.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Oh, OK. Cindy! Yo, Cindy! Cindy! Hold its neck back and insert the knife below the jaw. Bring it all the way around, there&#8217;s going to be a good amount of blood. [Cindy looks confused. Woman next to Dwight is disgusted] Don&#8217;t let it bother you. Have a bucket there, for the blood&#8230; and the innards&#8230; and the feathers. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Oh no, this is different. The CIA thing, that was a prank on Dwight. This is more like a umm&#8230; OK, it&#8217;s pretty much the same thing. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kelly:</b> What d&#8217;ya think? [to Stanley about his drink]<br /> <b>Stanley:</b> Fruity and delicious. <br /> <b>Kelly:</b> See, I told you. You want one Meredith?<br /> <b>Meredith:</b> No thanks. They&#8217;re too sweet.<br /> <b>Karen:</b> Hey, so what&#8217;s the status.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Looks like they forgot the power cord. <br /> <b>Pam:</b> What?<br /> <b>Karen:</b> Oh, you&#8217;re kidding me? <br /> <b>Ryan:</b> No.<br /> <b>Karen:</b> Oh, you guys, guys, um&#8230; I&#8217;m sorry, but there&#8217;s a problem with the karaoke machine. [everyone sighs]<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> Well that blows. <br /> <b>Darryl:</b> Hang on little ladies. You don&#8217;t need this thing, I&#8217;ll go grab my synthesizer. [Everyone cheers]<br /> <b>Everybody:</b> Darryl! Darryl! Darryl! [Darryl exits break room and passes Phyllis]<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> Hi.<br /> <b>Darryl:</b> Hey. Hey, look, when you get done with your&#8230; [looks inside conference room] meeting, you should, uh, come to the break room. We&#8217;re having a party. <br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> Oh, ok.<br /> <b>Darryl:</b> All right. Se you later&#8230; <br /> <b>Hannah:</b> [tries to break nut on a Nutcracker doll] These nuts are really hard to crack.<br /> <b>Angela:</b> Try harder then. [Hannah smashes Nutcracker on top of nut. Sees Kevin take another brownie] Uh uh. No one has seconds until everyone&#8217;s had some. <br /> <b>Kevin:</b> You&#8217;ve got to be kidding!<br /> <b>Angela:</b> You&#8217;ve got to be kidding. {Kevin takes bite of brownie] </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Phyllis:</b> Cold, huh?<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Huh? [puts on jacket]<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> Maybe that&#8217;ll help. Is it cold in there? </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Andy:</b> [referring to waitresses] They have been checking us out, all night! I am not kidding!<br /> <b>Michael:</b> You know what we should do?<br /> <b>Andy:</b> What? <br /> <b>Michael:</b> We should invite them to the Christmas party.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Now, you are thinking. Yes. And you know what? Because you have had such a rough day, you get Cindy. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh, you are such mench my friend. [They stand up and do fist bump and explosion] </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> OK, where is everybody? I would like them to meet my new girlfriend. [Guys walk in with two different waitresses from Benihana&#8217;s]<br /> <b>Jim:</b> I&#8217;m sure they&#8217;ll want to meet her, too. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> The least I could do was give some poor sick kid a bike.<br /> <b>Second Cindy:</b> That rocks. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> Nah, you rock. Tell you what, if you want it, it&#8217;s yours.<br /> <b>Second Cindy:</b> Thanks! I, I wanna give you something. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh. [She whispers in his ear. Michael starts to laugh] That&#8217;s what she said. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Hello? I would like everybody to meet my new girlfriend. <br /> <b>Andy:</b> My new girlfriend. <br /> <b>Angela:</b> Where&#8217;s Dwight?<br /> <b>Second Cindy:</b> Is he the hot one or the giant baby?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> [whispers] The giant baby. Wow, I am so sorry, I had no idea this party would be so lame.<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> [under her breath] There&#8217;s another party in the break room.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh, party in the break room! Let&#8217;s go, let&#8217;s go! Thank God! Let&#8217;s go to the break room. <br /> <b>Angela:</b> Hey, excuse me! Waitress lady! Hey, where do you think you&#8217;re going with that? [refers to toy she just took from table] <br /> <b>Second Cindy:</b> I thought I could have it.<br /> <b>Angela:</b> You can&#8217;t have it [takes back toy] I don&#8217;t walk into your house and steal your Hello Kitty backpack.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Shhh&#8230; Shut it! C&#8217;mon! Party.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Hey! It&#8217;s Angela! [Angela slams door shut, but not before Kevin sneaks out] Hey!<br /> <b>Michael:</b> We&#8217;re going to &#8230; </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kevin:</b> [singing] I want you to know. That I&#8217;m happy for you. I wish nothing but&#8230; </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> I just think there are two, two specific kinds of people in the world. People who own houses and people who own condos. [turns to reach for pretzel while Second Cindy turns other direction] And&#8230; my question to you [points and pulls away other waitress] is do you agree? <br /> <b>Other waitress:</b> Do I agree about what?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Do you agree about what? [laughs] Wow. You&#8217;re lucky you&#8217;re so darn cute. <br /> <b>Other waitress:</b> What&#8217;re you talking about?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> What&#8217;re you talking about? </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kevin:</b> [singing] And I&#8217;m here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away. It&#8217;s not fair, to deny me of the cross I bear that you give to me. You, you, you, you, you, you, you oughta know ta know. <br /> <b>Jim:</b> All right [high fives Kevin] </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Angela:</b> Did you have fun at Benihana&#8217;s? <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> No. It was awful. I couldn&#8217;t hear anything. [cheers from other party]<br /> <b>Angela:</b> I&#8217;ve had the worse day here [turns up Nutcracker music on the stereo. [Sighs. Dwight reaches for and holds Angela&#8217;s hand]<br /> <b>Karen:</b> [Karen and Pam enter] Dwight, you won the raffle! [holds out gift]<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> No&#8230; way! Yeah!<br /> <b>Karen:</b> Open it! Open it ! Open it! [Dwight rips open present. Angela is upset and Pam notices]<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Oh.<br /> <b>Karen:</b> Do you like it?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Walkie-talkies.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Can I talk to you a second?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Yes! </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Karen:</b> Well the Committee to Plan Parties has served its purpose. We&#8217;re gonna disband. In the name of Christmas. <br /> <b>Pam:</b> [holds up rice krispie shaped like a star] In the name of Nutcracker Christmas. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Karen:</b> Angela, we&#8217;ve been hearing really great thing about uh&#8230; your brownies and we were hoping you&#8217;d consider merging into two parties.<br /> <b>Angela:</b> I&#8217;m not sure. Does your karaoke machine have Christmas songs? <br /> <b>Pam:</b> Yeah, but we don&#8217;t have a power cord. <br /> <b>Angela:</b> Oh, I may have seen it somewhere. [Goes to plant and picks up power cord] Is it this one?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Mmm. Hmm.<br /> <b>Karen:</b> Yeah, thanks.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> We&#8217;ll go tell everyone.<br /> <b>Karen:</b> OK. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Andy and Michael:</b> [singing] And if you want love, we&#8217;ll make it. Swim in a big sea of blankets. Take all your big plans and break &#8217;em. This is bound to take awhile. Your body is a wonderland. [Michael notices Cindy ride up to him on the bike and looks confused] Your body is a wonderland. <br /> <b>Andy:</b> Your hands.<br /> <b>Both:</b> Your body is a wonderland. <br /> <b>Andy:</b> I&#8217;ll use my hands on it. <br /> <b>Both:</b> Something &#8217;bout the way your hair falls in your face&#8230; </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kelly:</b> [singing] Whatever we deny or embrace. For worse or for better. We belong, we belong, we belong together&#8230; Ryan&#8230; <br /> <b>Michael:</b> When you know, you just know. <br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Right.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Check her out. My little gal over there. Babe-alectable.<br /> <b>Roy:</b> Which one is she? [Michael stares at both waitresses]<br /> <b>Michael:</b> It&#8217;s&#8230; it&#8217;s one of those two. [points at both]<br /> <b>Roy:</b> You don&#8217;t know?<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Dude, you should know.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yeah&#8230; well, it&#8217;s been hard, they&#8217;re wearing the exact same uniform. And I&#8217;ve been drinking. And you know how all waitresses look alike. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> I honestly don&#8217;t see what the big deal is. Stevie Wonder is married. Are you going to tell me that Stevie Wonder doesn&#8217;t love his wife just because he&#8217;s not sure what she looks like? </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Hey. Where&#8217;s my girl? Is she in the fridge? Where is she hiding? I don&#8217;t know where she is. &#8216;Cause I&#8217;m drunk, I can&#8217;t even find her. <br /> <b>Second Cindy:</b> You know where I am.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Haha, I do! I just haven&#8217;t hugged you in awhile [marks Cindy&#8217;s arm with a black marker]<br /> <b>Second Cindy:</b> Oh.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh, good. That felt good. Let&#8217;s go. Party. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Creed:</b> [singing] Spinnin&#8217; n reelin with love. Give it the time, I might come back down. But it feels so good. My feet don&#8217;t touch the ground. Wha..wha..wild. Wha..wha..wild. Well everybody knows, I&#8217;m crazy about &#8216;ya&#8230; </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> [into walkie-talkie] Monkey, this is Possum. Do you copy?<br /> <b>Angela:</b> [into another walkie-talkie] Copy, Possum. What&#8217;s your twenty? </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Karen:</b> No way. [both hold up Bridget Jones&#8217; Diary movie DVD]<br /> <b>Jim:</b> What a horrible, horrible movie that was. <br /> <b>Karen:</b> And now we get to remember it forever. <br /> <b>Jim:</b> Thank you.<br /> <b>Karen:</b> Thank you. [Both hug] </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Second Cindy:</b> Hey.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Hey, hey, you. How are ya?<br /> <b>Second Cindy:</b> Hey. This party blows, so we&#8217;re gonna leave. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> No, no, no. Hey, you should stay because we are having fun and&#8230; <br /> <b>Second Cindy:</b> Cool&#8230; <br /> <b>Michael:</b> Where do you wanna go?<br /> <b>Second Cindy:</b> I&#8230; We&#8217;re just gonna take off. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8230; you know what? I, OK, listen. I like you. I really like you. So much in fact, that I would like you to accompany me on a trip to Sandals, Jamaica. <br /> <b>Second Cindy:</b> No&#8230; I have school. [leaves with other waitress and bicycle]<br /> <b>Michael:</b> You want help? OK&#8230; Merry Christmas. <br /> <b>Second Cindy:</b> Merry Christmas. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> [singing] Lady, from the moment I saw you standing all alone. You gave all the love that I needed&#8230; </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> That waitress was the one. <br /> <b>Jim:</b> No. She wasn&#8217;t.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> How can you be sure?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Well, for starters, I&#8217;ve known you as a couple since the beginning of the relationship, which was approximately [looks a watch] three hours ago. <br /> <b>Michael:</b> Don&#8217;t make fun&#8230; You&#8217;re making fun of me. <br /> <b>Jim:</b> Sorry.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I guess, I didn&#8217;t know her very well. I marked her arm. <br /> <b>Jim:</b> You what?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I, I put a mark on her arm. [Both are laughing] So I could tell them apart. I don&#8217;t&#8230; I know, I know. I can&#8217;t believe I gave her my bike!<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Yeah.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh, why do I feel like crap?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> You just had a rebound.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I had rebound? Yeah.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Yeah. Which, don&#8217;t get me wrong, can be a really fun distraction, but, when it&#8217;s over, you&#8217;re left thinking about the girl you really like, the one that broke your heart. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> I totally rebounded. Someone else shoots and I take the ball and I score. Well, I guess I didn&#8217;t score and I&#8217;m not sure who&#8217;s actually shooting, but, whatever. Doesn&#8217;t matter. It&#8217;s all good. Or as my ex might say. Domo arigato, Mr. Scott-o. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Angela:</b> [singing, with Dwight holding up microphone] Little baby, parum pum pum pum. I am a poor boy too, parum pum pum pum. I have no gift to bring, parum pum pum pum. That&#8217;s fit to give our King, parum pum pum pum.. </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> [on phone] Yes, I just wanted to see if, uh you would like to come to Jamaica with me. There&#8217;s this resort called Sandals. Really? OK. All right. I promise you won&#8217;t be disappointed. Umm, It&#8217;s all-inclusive&#8230; </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Angela:</b> [singing] &#8230; Shall I play for you, parum pum pum pum [Oscar and Gil walk through door]<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> Too soon. [both turn back around and walk out]<br /> <b>Angela:</b> [singing] I played my drum for Him, parum pum pum pum. I played my best for Him, parum pum pum pum, Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> [singing along] pum pum pum pum pum pum pum </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> Bye Pam.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Night.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> [to Pam] Oh, you know what? Sorry, forgot to tell you. I intercepted a transmission earlier and it seems that the CIA is gonna need Dwight down at their headquarters in Langley for training and an ice cream social with the other agents. <br /> <b>Pam:</b> We should get him a bus ticket. [types on computer] To make his trip easier.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Oh no, that would be great. <br /> <b>Pam:</b> It costs seventy five dollars. <br /> <b>Jim:</b> Hmm&#8230; Well, maybe the CIA can send a helicopter? <br /> <b>Pam:</b> Ohh&#8230; [laughs] </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> [Cell phone beeps] What the? [Reading text message] &#8220;You have been compromised. Abort mission. Destroy phone.&#8221; Destroy phone? [Dwight throws phone off of the roof and walks away] </div>
<p> <!-- end quote --> </p>
<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 1</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> William Randolph Shakespeare once wrote in one of his plays, and I&#8217;m paraphrasing here, &#8220;Love doth be poison.&#8221; Brilliant. And a lot of people don&#8217;t give Shakespeare enough credit. They think it was somebody else. A-holes. </div>
</p></div>
<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 2</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Angela:</b> When Michael suggested canceling Christmas, I was outraged, not on my behalf, but on behalf of baby Jesus. I mean, would he cancel Christmas because he got dumped or he was two weeks behind on his party planning, on top of the fact that his cats were ill? I think not. I think baby Jesus would suck it up and plan his party. </div>
</p></div>
<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 3</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Karen:</b> We didn&#8217;t have a party planning committee in Stamford. Somebody would just volunteer to run out to Carvel and pick up an ice cream cake. So the fact that they have a committee here, fascinating. </div>
</p></div>
<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 4</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Angela:</b> This is ridiculous. I&#8230; I&#8217;ve spent so much time, like I always do. And for that little trollop to come in here and throw her own party&#8230; Are you even listening to me?<br /> <b>Toby:</b> Angela, what do you want me to do?<br /> <b>Angela:</b> I want you to tell her to stop, Toby. Am I being clear?<br /> <b>Toby:</b> [sighing] Look, it&#8217;s a free country. If she wants to throw a party&#8230;<br /> <b>Angela:</b> What are you&#8230;?<br /> <b>Toby:</b> &#8230;using her own money&#8230;<br /> <b>Angela:</b> And what&#8230;<br /> <b>Toby:</b> &#8230;then she should be allowed to. <br /> <b>Angela:</b> No she shouldn&#8217;t.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> The more the merrier. <br /> <b>Angela:</b> [Angela slaps Toby on the face.] Stop it. <br /> <b>Toby:</b> Oww.<br /> <b>Angela:</b> I&#8217;m sorry. It wasn&#8217;t my intention to hurt you, but I want to wake you up to the injustice that&#8217;s going on right in front of your face. <br /> <b>Toby:</b> That really hurt. I&#8217;m writing you up. [Angela makes an angry face] Hey, you are not allowed to touch other employees. Am I being clear?<br /> <b>Angela:</b> Michael was so right about you. You are pathetic. </div>
</p></div>
<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 5</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Creed:</b> I don&#8217;t care which party I go to. Once you&#8217;ve danced naked at a hash bonfire with the spirits of the dead, all parties seem pretty much the same. </div>
</p></div>
<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 6</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kevin:</b> I think I&#8217;ll go to Angela&#8217;s party, because that&#8217;s the party I know. </div>
</p></div>
<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 7</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Phyllis:</b> Where would you like the Rice Krispy Treat stars?<br /> <b>Angela:</b> They&#8217;re Sugarplum fairy wands. <br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> Sugarplum fairy wands.<br /> <b>Angela:</b> It&#8217;s like you weren&#8217;t even at the meeting. </div>
</p></div>
<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 8</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Stanley:</b> I&#8217;m going to the party in the break room, because they have more chairs in there. If I have to stand around a long time, I get real unpleasant to be around. </div>
</p></div>
<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 9</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Angela:</b> [Phyllis puts down phone] Hmm hmm. [Phyllis gets up and goes to Angela&#8217;s party] </div>
</p></div>
<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 10</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> No, no, no, no. You know what, I better hold off. I wanna make sure I don&#8217;t dial Carol before I get drunk.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> So, really, you&#8217;re just calling her?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yeah. You know what? I am. I&#8217;m gonna call her. That&#8217;s a good idea. <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> [from across the table] Where&#8217;s Michael going? Michael? Is he sick? Is he choking? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> [on [phone] No, I don&#8217;t think I&#8217;m asking too much. I think it&#8217;s only fair that you tell me exactly what I did wrong. Okay. Uh huh. Well that&#8230; yeah. Uh huh. All right. Well, could you tell me something that I did <i>right</i>? </div>
</p></div>
<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 11</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Ryan:</b> [knocks on office wall] Hey.<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> Hello, Ryan.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Merry Christmas. [hands over a gift]<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> Oh, thank you. Do you always get presents for your ex-girlfriends?<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Okay, we&#8217;re never technically&#8230; um is there.. Is there a problem? <br /> <b>Kelly:</b> Well, I didn&#8217;t get you anything, because you have treated me inconsiderately, and I&#8217;m not gonna stand for that anymore.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Um That&#8217;s&#8230; That&#8217;s fair. I&#8217;m sorry. Merry Christmas. [Ryan starts walking away.]<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> [runnning after him] Wait, Ryan, you&#8217;re not mean. You&#8217;re adorable. I&#8217;m so sorry. I got you a present, too. But then when I got to work, I didn&#8217;t see anything on my desk from you, so I threw it away. And then Asuncion took the trash out, that&#8217;s why I think it&#8217;s in the dumpster. I&#8217;m so sorry. I&#8217;m the worst. [Kelly hugs Ryan] </div>
</p></div>
<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 12</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Angela:</b> There&#8217;s no fizz in this punch. Phyllis!<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> I&#8217;ll just go get a ginger ale.<br /> <b>Angela:</b> No, I&#8217;ve got it, Phyllis. Stay. Have fun. Eat your wand. </div>
</p></div>
<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 13</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Ryan:</b> [talking to Kelly in dumpster] Hey, Kelly, you know what? Throw my gift away, too. <br /> <b>Kelly:</b> [from inside dumpster] No, you paid money for that CD.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> I&#8217;m serious. It&#8217;ll show that we don&#8217;t care about material things. <br /> <b>Kelly:</b> I don&#8217;t understand.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Kelly, I&#8217;m so cold!<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> [starts to cry] You don&#8217;t have to scream at me. <br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Are you having fun in this relationship?<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> Sometimes.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> I don&#8217;t know Kelly, sometimes I look at us and I think&#8230;<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> [crying] Don&#8217;t dump me while I&#8217;m in the dumpster. Just go back inside if you&#8217;re so cold. I&#8217;ll just stay in the dumpster. [Ryan smirks] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Ryan:</b> [both inside dumpster] Did you look over here?<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> Who&#8217;s eating all these apples?<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Kelly. <br /> <b>Kelly:</b> And what are these? Are&#8230; Why are there egg yolks in here? Aren&#8217;t you supposed to eat the yolks?<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Michael was on an egg-yolk diet. He&#8217;s so weird.<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> Do you think I should diet?<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> No, you&#8217;re perfect. [Kelly gasps] What? Did you find it?<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> No, I&#8217;m scared.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> All of a sudden?<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> Uh huh. Hold me. </div>
</p></div>
<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 14</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Oh, honey, here&#8217;s Stanley.<br /> <b>Second Cindy:</b> Hi.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> He is also in an interracial relationship, so, you know, if you have any problems, you can always call him. <br /> <b>Stanley:</b> Oh, you&#8217;re gonna face far greater problems than I can possibly help you with.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Sounds good. Okay, let&#8217;s go. </div>
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<p><u><b>Season I</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no1-01.php">Pilot</a><br />
02. <a href="/no1-02.php">Diversity Day</a><br />
03. <a href="/no1-03.php">Health Care</a><br />
04. <a href="/no1-04.php">The Alliance</a><br />
05. <a href="/no1-05.php">Basketball</a><br />
06. <a href="/no1-06.php">Hot Girl</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season II</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no2-01.php">The Dundies</a><br />
02. <a href="/no2-02.php">Sexual Harassment</a><br />
03. <a href="/no2-03.php">Office Olympics</a><br />
04. <a href="/no2-04.php">The Fire</a><br />
05. <a href="/no2-05.php">Halloween</a><br />
06. <a href="/no2-06.php">The Fight</a><br />
07. <a href="/no2-07.php">The Client</a><br />
08. <a href="/no2-08.php">Performance Review</a><br />
09. <a href="/no2-09.php">E-mail Surveillance</a><br />
10. <a href="/no2-10.php">Christmas Party</a><br />
11. <a href="/no2-11.php">Booze Cruise</a><br />
12. <a href="/no2-12.php">The Injury</a><br />
13. <a href="/no2-13.php">The Secret</a><br />
14. <a href="/no2-14.php">The Carpet</a><br />
15. <a href="/no2-15.php">Boys and Girls</a><br />
16. <a href="/no2-16.php">Valentine&#8217;s Day</a><br />
17. <a href="/no2-17.php">Dwight&#8217;s Speech</a><br />
18. <a href="/no2-18.php">Take Your Daughter to Work Day</a><br />
19. <a href="/no2-19.php">Michael&#8217;s Birthday</a><br />
20. <a href="/no2-20.php">Drug Testing</a><br />
21. <a href="/no2-21.php">Conflict Resolution</a><br />
22. <a href="/no2-22.php">Casino Night</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season III</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no3-01.php">Gay Witch Hunt</a><br />
02. <a href="/no3-02.php">The Convention</a><br />
03. <a href="/no3-03.php">The Coup</a><br />
04. <a href="/no3-04.php">Grief Counseling</a><br />
05. <a href="/no3-05.php">Initiation</a><br />
06. <a href="/no3-06.php">Diwali</a><br />
07. <a href="/no3-07.php">Branch Closing</a><br />
08. <a href="/no3-08.php">The Merger</a><br />
09. <a href="/no3-09.php">The Convict</a><br />
10. <a href="/no3-10.php">A Benihana Christmas</a><br />
11. <a href="/no3-11.php">Back From Vacation</a><br />
12. <a href="/no3-12.php">Traveling Salesmen</a><br />
13. <a href="/no3-13.php">The Return</a><br />
14. <a href="/no3-14.php">Ben Franklin</a><br />
15. <a href="/no3-15.php">Phyllis&#8217; Wedding</a><br />
16. <a href="/no3-16.php">Business School</a><br />
17. <a href="/no3-17.php">Cocktails</a><br />
18. <a href="/no3-18.php">The Negotiation</a><br />
19. <a href="/no3-19.php">Safety Training</a><br />
20. <a href="/no3-20.php">Product Recall</a><br />
21. <a href="/no3-21.php">Women&#8217;s Appreciation</a><br />
22. <a href="/no3-22.php">Beach Games</a><br />
23. <a href="/no3-23.php">The Job</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season IV</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no4-01.php">Fun Run</a><br />
02. <a href="/no4-02.php">Dunder Mifflin Infinity</a><br />
03. <a href="/no4-03.php">Launch Party</a><br />
04. <a href="/no4-04.php">Money</a><br />
05. <a href="/no4-05.php">Local Ad</a><br />
06. <a href="/no4-06.php">Branch Wars</a><br />
07. <a href="/no4-07.php">Survivor Man</a><br />
08. <a href="/no4-08.php">The Deposition</a><br />
09. <a href="/no4-09.php">Dinner Party</a><br />
10. <a href="/no4-10.php">Chair Model</a><br />
11. <a href="/no4-11.php">Night Out</a><br />
12. <a href="/no4-12.php">Did I Stutter?</a><br />
13. <a href="/no4-13.php">Job Fair</a><br />
14. <a href="/no4-14.php">Goodbye Toby</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season V</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no5-01.php">Weight Loss</a><br />
02. <a href="/no5-02.php">Business Ethics</a><br />
03. <a href="/no5-03.php">Baby Shower</a><br />
04. <a href="/no5-04.php">Crime Aid</a><br />
05. <a href="/no5-05.php">Employee Transfer</a><br />
06. <a href="/no5-06.php">Customer Survey</a><br />
07. <a href="/no5-07.php">Business Trip</a><br />
08. <a href="/no5-08.php">Frame Toby</a><br />
09. <a href="/no5-09.php">The Surplus</a><br />
10. <a href="/no5-10.php">Moroccan Christmas</a><br />
11. <a href="/no5-11.php">The Duel</a><br />
12. <a href="/no5-12.php">Prince Family Paper</a><br />
13. <a href="/no5-13.php">Stress Relief</a><br />
14. <a href="/no5-14.php">Lecture Circuit 1</a><br />
15. <a href="/no5-15.php">Lecture Circuit 2</a><br />
16. <a href="/no5-16.php">Blood Drive</a><br />
17. <a href="/no5-17.php">Golden Ticket</a><br />
18. <a href="/no5-18.php">New Boss</a><br />
19. <a href="/no5-19.php">Two Weeks</a><br />
20. <a href="/no5-20.php">Dream Team</a><br />
21. <a href="/no5-21.php">Michael Scott Paper Company</a><br />
22. <a href="/no5-22.php">Heavy Competition</a><br />
23. <a href="/no5-23.php">Broke</a><br />
24. <a href="/no5-24.php">Casual Friday</a><br />
25. <a href="/no5-25.php">Cafe Disco</a><br />
26. <a href="/no5-26.php">Company Picnic</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season VI</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no6-01.php">Gossip</a><br />
02. <a href="/no6-02.php">The Meeting</a><br />
03. <a href="/no6-03.php">The Promotion</a><br />
04. <a href="/no6-04.php">Niagara</a><br />
05. <a href="/no6-05.php">Mafia</a><br />
06. <a href="/no6-06.php">The Lover</a><br />
07. <a href="/no6-07.php">Koi Pond</a><br />
08. <a href="/no6-08.php">Double Date</a><br />
09. <a href="/no6-09.php">Murder</a><br />
10. <a href="/no6-10.php">Shareholder Meeting</a><br />
11. <a href="/no6-11.php">Scott&#8217;s Tots</a><br />
12. <a href="/no6-12.php">Secret Santa</a><br />
13. <a href="/no6-13.php">The Banker</a><br />
14. <a href="/no6-14.php">Sabre</a><br />
15. <a href="/no6-15.php">Manager and Salesman</a><br />
16. <a href="/no6-16.php">The Delivery</a><br />
17. <a href="/no6-17.php">St. Patrick&#8217;s Day</a><br />
18. <a href="/no6-18.php">New Leads</a><br />
19. <a href="/no6-19.php">Happy Hour</a><br />
20. <a href="/no6-20.php">Secretary&#8217;s Day</a><br />
21. <a href="/no6-21.php">Body Language</a><br />
22. <a href="/no6-22.php">The Cover-Up</a><br />
23. <a href="/no6-23.php">The Chump</a><br />
24. <a href="/no6-24.php">Whistleblower</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season VII</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no7-01.php">Nepotism</a><br />
02. <a href="/no7-02.php">Counseling</a><br />
03. <a href="/no7-03.php">Andy&#8217;s Play</a><br />
04. <a href="/no7-04.php">Sex Ed</a><br />
05. <a href="/no7-05.php">The Sting</a><br />
06. <a href="/no7-06.php">Costume Contest</a><br />
07. <a href="/no7-07.php">Christening</a><br />
08. <a href="/no7-08.php">Viewing Party</a><br />
09. <a href="/no7-09.php">WUPHF.com</a><br />
10. <a href="/no7-10.php">China</a><br />
11. <a href="/no7-11.php">Classy Christmas</a><br />
12. <a href="/no7-12.php">Ultimatum</a><br />
13. <a href="/no7-13.php">The Seminar</a><br />
14. <a href="/no7-14.php">The Search</a><br />
15. <a href="/no7-15.php">PDA</a><br />
16. <a href="/no7-16.php">Threat Level Midnight</a><br />
17. <a href="/no7-17.php">Todd Packer</a><br />
18. <a href="/no7-18.php">Garage Sale</a><br />
19. <a href="/no7-19.php">Trainin Day</a><br />
20. <a href="/no7-20.php">Michael&#8217;s Last Dundies</a><br />
21. <a href="/no7-21.php">Goodbye Michael</a><br />
22. <a href="/no7-22.php">The Inner Circle</a><br />
23. <a href="/no7-23.php">Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager</a><br />
24. <a href="/no7-24.php">Search Committee</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season VIII</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no8-01.php">The List</a><br />
02. <a href="/no8-02.php">The Incentive</a><br />
03. <a href="/no8-03.php">Lotto</a><br />
04. <a href="/no8-04.php">Garden Party</a><br />
05. <a href="/no8-05.php">Spooked</a><br />
06. <a href="/no8-06.php">Doomsday</a><br />
07. <a href="/no8-07.php">Pam&#8217;s Replacement</a><br />
08. <a href="/no8-08.php">Gettysburg</a><br />
09. <a href="/no8-09.php">Mrs. California</a><br />
10. <a href="/no8-10.php">Christmas Wishes</a><br />
11. <a href="/no8-11.php">Trivia</a><br />
12. <a href="/no8-12.php">Pool Party</a><br />
13. <a href="/no8-13.php">Jury Duty</a><br />
14. <a href="/no8-14.php">Special Project</a><br />
15. <a href="/no8-15.php">Tallahasse</a><br />
16. <a href="/no8-16.php">After Hours</a><br />
17. <a href="/no8-17.php">Test the Store</a><br />
18. <a href="/no8-18.php">Last Day In Florida</a><br />
19. <a href="/no8-19.php">Get The Girl</a><br />
20. <a href="/no8-20.php">Welcome Party</a><br />
21. <a href="/no8-21.php">Angry Andy</a><br />
22. <a href="/no8-22.php">Fundraiser</a><br />
23. <a href="/no8-23.php">Turf War</a><br />
24. <a href="/no8-24.php">Free Family Portrait Studio</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season IX</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no9-01.php">New Guys</a><br />
02. <a href="/no9-02.php">Roy&#8217;s Wedding</a><br />
03. <a href="/no9-03.php">Andy&#8217;s Ancestry</a><br />
04. <a href="/no9-04.php">Work Bus</a><br />
05. <a href="/no9-05.php">Here Comes Treble</a><br />
06. <a href="/no9-06.php">The Boat</a><br />
07. <a href="/no9-07.php">The Whale</a><br />
08. <a href="/no9-08.php">The Target</a><br />
09. <a href="/no9-09.php">Dwight Christmas</a><br />
10. <a href="/no9-10.php">Lice</a><br />
11. <a href="/no9-11.php">Suit Warehouse</a><br />
12. <a href="/no9-12.php">Customer Loyalty</a><br />
13. <a href="/no9-13.php">Junior Salesman</a><br />
14. <a href="/no9-14.php">Vandalism</a><br />
15. <a href="/no9-15.php">Couples Discount</a><br />
16. <a href="/no9-16.php">Moving On</a><br />
17. <a href="/no9-17.php">The Farm</a><br />
18. <a href="/no9-18.php">Promos</a><br />
19. <a href="/no9-19.php">Stairmageddon</a><br />
20. <a href="/no9-20.php">Paper Airplane</a><br />
21. <a href="/no9-21.php">Livin&#8217; The Dream</a><br />
22. <a href="/no9-22.php">A.A.R.M</a><br />
23. <a href="/no9-23.php">Finale</a></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><u><b>Other</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><a href="/webisodes.php">Webisodes &#8211; The Accountants</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-kevinsLoan.php">Webisodes &#8211; Kevin&#8217;s Loan</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-subtleSexuality.php">Webisodes &#8211; Subtle Sexuality</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-the3rdfloor.php">Webisodes &#8211; The 3rd floor</a><br />
<a href="/creedThoughts.php">Creed Thoughts</a><br />
<a href="/schruteSpace.php">Schrute Space</a></p>
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