the-office/server/normalization/build/07/13.json

{"title": "The Seminar", "description": "Andy tries to host a small business seminar at the office. Michael agrees to help by posing as a Greek entrepreneur, and tries to get Holly to play along. ", "characters": {"andy": {"name": "Andy Bernard", "appearances": 50}, "michael": {"name": "Michael Scott", "appearances": 37}, "erin": {"name": "Erin Hannon", "appearances": 25}, "jim": {"name": "Jim Halpert", "appearances": 24}, "dwight": {"name": "Dwight Schrute", "appearances": 20}, "pam": {"name": "Pam Beasley", "appearances": 18}, "oscar": {"name": "Oscar Gutierrez", "appearances": 14}, "david-wallace": {"name": "David Wallace", "appearances": 12}, "holly": {"name": "Holly Flax", "appearances": 12}, "kelly": {"name": "Kelly Kapoor", "appearances": 12}, "kevin": {"name": "Kevin Malone", "appearances": 8}, "ryan": {"name": "Ryan Howard", "appearances": 8}, "gabe": {"name": "Gabe Lewis", "appearances": 7}, "phyllis": {"name": "Phyllis Lapin", "appearances": 4}, "stanley": {"name": "Stanley Hudson", "appearances": 3}, "darryl": {"name": "Darryl Philbin", "appearances": 3}, "hank": {"name": "Hank", "appearances": 2}, "david-brent": {"name": "David Brent", "appearances": 1}, "creed": {"name": "Creed Bratton", "appearances": 1}}, "seasonNumber": 7, "episodeNumber": 13, "scenes": [{"quotes": [{"speaker": "David Brent", "text": "Oh, sorry, mate."}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "[English accent] Oh, sorry, mate. Excuse me. Mate."}, {"speaker": "David Wallace", "text": "[laughing] What you doing?"}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "English?"}, {"speaker": "David Wallace", "text": "You picked on the wrong person, I can tell you that."}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "Oh no no, I'm not picking on you at all. You're English, correct?"}, {"speaker": "David Wallace", "text": "Yeah big time, yeah."}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "I'm working on an English character. Would you mind gi...  It's called Reginald Pooftah."}, {"speaker": "David Wallace", "text": "Ooh! David Brent, my liege. How are you?"}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "Michael Scott."}, {"speaker": "David Wallace", "text": "Oh, there you go. I do characters as well. I got a Chinese fella. He's called Ho Li [bleep].  That's what it sounds like."}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "[laughing]"}, {"speaker": "David Wallace", "text": "Herrow! Herrow!"}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "I do Ping. Herrow. I Ping!"}, {"speaker": "David Wallace", "text": "You can't do that these days. You can't."}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "No, no, no. And people don't understand that is has nothing to do with making fun of a different nationality."}, {"speaker": "David Wallace", "text": "No, no. No, comedy is a place where the mind goes to tickle itself. That's what she said. [laughs]. [hugs Michaels] Ohh."}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "That's good. Pleasure to meet you."}, {"speaker": "David Wallace", "text": "Where are you working?"}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "Dunder Mifflin."}, {"speaker": "David Wallace", "text": "Any jobs now?"}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "No, not right now."}, {"speaker": "David Wallace", "text": "Just let me know."}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "All right. See you around."}, {"speaker": "David Wallace", "text": "All right."}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "Bye-bye. What a nice guy."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Your first student is here, Mister Bernard."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "That's actually \"Master of Ceremonies\" Bernard."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Last year, I went to a seminar called \"The Ten Secrets of Real Estate\". Turns out it was just a ploy to sell me time-shares in Idaho. Cut to, you know, spending a weekend in Boise, terrible time, super lonely. But I get to thinking maybe I should put on my own seminar to lure clients."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Oh it's... [points to conference room]"}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "[enters] [in a gruff voice] Hello, I am here for the small business seminar."}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Michael?"}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "Nein! I'm greek! My name is Mikanos."}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Ooh. Wait, Michael?"}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "Okay."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Michael", "text": "I am the plant. Every great seminar has one. My job is to make the speaker look good, and I do this through the techniques of leading questions and laughing at all jokes. And the character \"Mikanos\", is just a little added flava. \"Mikanos\" is loosely based on another character I do, \"Spiros\", who is more about the ladies."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Thank you so much Tuna Turner. You are simply the best."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Listen, this isn't a favor, all right?  This is a good idea. We all win."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Go higher. I get super flexible when I'm nervous."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Wow. [sees guy at Erin's desk] Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Hey, Andy, I'm really, really sorry to do this to you, but I have a meeting today that I totally forgot, so I can't be apart of this seminar."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "No. What? You can't do that. You are a critical part of this seminar. You're the charming warm-up guy,"}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "I know."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "If the seminar was a meal, you'd be the amuse-bouche. You like, signal the flavors of the whole night."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "I'm really sorry. I can't do it."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "You can't. You can't."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Andy", "text": "I can't have this go badly. I'm a terrible salesman, and I haven't been making very many sales lately, or ever. This is my only idea on how to turn things around. If it goes badly, I might lose my job, which would suck because this is the only job I've ever been good at."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Will you let me know when this whole seminar thing's over?"}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "What's going on? Do you know that guy?"}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "I just have a meeting, uh, outside the office."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Hey."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Hey."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "[to Erin] How are the marks?"}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "What are some of your small business ideas?"}, {"speaker": "Older guy", "text": "I was thinking we could buy up of abandoned mine shafts."}, {"speaker": "{Phyllis}, {Stanley}, {Dwight}", "text": "Oooh!"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "That's great. There's a big, big future in that."}, {"speaker": "Phyllis", "text": "A lot of mines in Scranton."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Um, what about you?"}, {"speaker": "Younger Guy", "text": "Uh, credit cards."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Uh-huh."}, {"speaker": "Younger Guy", "text": "My company would act as an intermedium, for like, point two cents off every transaction."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Wow!"}, {"speaker": "Younger Guy", "text": "Something with cell phones. It's like, every time you make a phone call I'd make point two cents. Or anything like any on-line shopping I would get point two cents."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Right. Okay? Great."}, {"speaker": "Stanley", "text": "Great."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "You promised us whales. These are worms."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "They're not worms, Dwight, okay? They're just people with tiny businesses. They're baby whales which is even cuter."}, {"speaker": "Stanley", "text": "I'm out."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Stanley, you're suppose to close."}, {"speaker": "Phyllis", "text": "I'm out too."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "What? I already lost Jim. Salesmen are suppose to help each other out. We're suppose to be a team."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "We're no more a team than the people staying in the same hotel are a team."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Michael", "text": "You know what might be kind of fun?  I was thinking , you know Andy is having a seminar today? What if we went in as a greek couple? Mikanos and..."}, {"speaker": "Holly", "text": "Oh, I don't know, Michael. I'm not feeling up to that."}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "Okay."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Michael", "text": "Holly broke up with A.J last week, which is the greatest thing that has ever happened... to me. To Holly, it's been the worst week of her life, and I know for a fact that there was a week for her in high school when she got mono and her first period ever. Too much information? That's what I thought. But, you know what? Here I am using it."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Michael", "text": "[as Mikanos] If-a you change-a you mind, why don't you talk to Mikanos?"}, {"speaker": "Holly", "text": "Is Mikanos greek? He sounds Italian."}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "Ugh. You're the fifth person to tell me that today."}, {"speaker": "Holly", "text": "Maybe Mikanos ran away to join the Italian circus."}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "Okay, yeah, like a character history. Good. Tom Hanks does that."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Erin", "text": "[muttering] Down... there. [to Pam] Is \"jlp\" a word?"}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "\"Jelp?\" J-e-l-p?"}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "No, j-l-p. Like, \"I jlp... I jlp you!\""}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "I don't think that's a word."}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "I'm playing Scrabble with Gabe, and I've never won a game."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Erin", "text": "The winner gets to pick the movie we watch. I have won no games. So far I've seen \"The Shining\", \"Rosemary's Baby\", \"The Ring\". Not really my thing. Although, I... I do like the early parts of the movies where they have a perfect family and everything."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Pam", "text": "You want some help?"}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Really?"}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "Mm-hmm."}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Yes."}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "K-a. \"Ka\"? What does \"ka\" mean?"}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "It means you're playing someone who's going to destroy you. Why did you play \"moo\"?"}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Because I'm playing to win. I'm playing \"moo\", I'm playing \"milk\". Whatever it takes."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "Okay, but look, you could have hit \"mood\". Would have played a..."}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Uh..."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "A triple word."}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Like the cow mood yesterday. God."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "Or moon."}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "The cow jumped over the moon."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "She's stuck on that one thing."}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "No, it doesn't have to just be cow stuff, right?"}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Kevin, Jim dropped out of my seminar, and I'm just... I was wondering if you could replace him as my charming warm up guy."}, {"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "Andy, I'm no Jim. The only way that I'm Jim is in the movie version when Jim sees what his future would be like if he never met Pam."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Hey, that's crazy talk. I think you're great."}, {"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "Then I won't let you down."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Kelly", "text": "Cake."}, {"speaker": "Ryan", "text": "In you go."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Hi, Ryan, you went to business school, right?"}, {"speaker": "Ryan", "text": "Yup."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "I need somebody to talk to this seminar about business."}, {"speaker": "Ryan", "text": "And?"}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Can you do it?"}, {"speaker": "Ryan", "text": "Okay. I don't... I don't like committing to things just like that."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "So no?"}, {"speaker": "Ryan", "text": "No, I don't like committing to not doing things, either. That's just as big a commitment."}, {"speaker": "Kelly", "text": "Oh, baby."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "What do I put you down for, bro hombre?"}, {"speaker": "Ryan", "text": "Yes."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "All right!"}, {"speaker": "Ryan", "text": "Yes, I'll do it."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Okay, than you so much. It's going to be so awesome."}, {"speaker": "Ryan", "text": "And if I flake, I flake."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "What?"}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Kevin, you open it up."}, {"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "Yep."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Ryan, you come in with your small biz expertise, right? And then Creed:"}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Welcome everybody. Awesome to see you guys. My name is Andy Bernard but you can call me The Nard Dog."}, {"speaker": "Older Woman", "text": "Hi Nard Dog. I'm Lu Peachem."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Let's get things started, shall we? You guys ready to hear from the Dunder Mifflin business experts? Good. Well, as you can see on your program... first up is a speech called, \"Don't Just Dream it, do it.\" Yes! Please give a big hand to Mr. Kevin Malone. [plays Ozzy Osboure's Crazy Train]"}, {"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "[running laps around the conference room] Yes!"}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "There are some people who have charm and some people who don't. Guess which type I am. Charm type."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "[out of breath] Dream... big. Right? So what I want you to do is dream the biggest that you c... an. [coughing] And then double it! [coughing]."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Are you okay?"}, {"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "No. Yes!"}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Here..."}, {"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "No. I'm fine. Okay, from here now. The first lesson that I'm gonna teach you, right, is about finding success. And the key to finding success is to picture a winner. [coughing] [vomiting]. Okay, so then, what are you picturing right now, right this second? 'Cause the universe is yours, people. Get out of the way! [runs out of room]"}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Andy", "text": "I'm really excited to introduce you guys to Ryan Howard. He has achieved a great deal in the last..."}, {"speaker": "Kelly", "text": "But perhaps no achievement is greater than his on-again, off-again girlfriend."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "What are you..."}, {"speaker": "Kelly", "text": "Who am I? I'm Kelly Kapoor, the business bitch."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Kelly", "text": "It is important to brand yourself, so I have a couple of things in works. \"The Business Bitch\", \"The Diet Bitch\", \"The Shopping Bitch\", \"The Etiquette Bitch.\""}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Kelly", "text": "I could sit here, and I could tell you the ten secrets of business, and you would have a great time, and you would learn a lot. But who better to tell you than the Yale University adjunct professor in management, Professor Scott Powell, who I have on my Blackberry. It's ringing."}, {"speaker": "Professor Powell", "text": "Hey, Kelly Kapoor. What a delicious surprise."}, {"speaker": "Kelly", "text": "Profess Powell, you are on speakerphone."}, {"speaker": "Professor Powell", "text": "Uh, why?"}, {"speaker": "Kelly", "text": "Do you think you could tell us the ten secrets of business?"}, {"speaker": "Professor Powell", "text": "Um, there aren't really ten secrets."}, {"speaker": "Kelly", "text": "Come on Scott, please? It's me."}, {"speaker": "Professor Powell", "text": "Um, all right. Well, um, I guess know your market would be key. Practice fiscal discipline."}, {"speaker": "Kelly", "text": "Mm-hmm."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Andy", "text": "That brilliant little bitch."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "A little treat for our old friend Gabe. Put that \"q\" right there."}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Wait. Why?"}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "Put the \"q\" there, sweetie."}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "I think there's better..."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "Put the \"q\" there! [phone rings] Sorry I yelled."}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "You could have just told us what you were thinking."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "There's no theater in that."}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "There's no yelling in that, either."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "Well..."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Holly", "text": "What do you do in your free time?"}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "[as Mikanos] Practice Olympics."}, {"speaker": "Holly", "text": "Mmm. Do you like movies?"}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "[as Mikanos] I like the musical \"Grease\", or as we call it, \"home\"."}, {"speaker": "Holly", "text": "We have to try this out on somebody."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Michael", "text": "[as Mikanos] Hello."}, {"speaker": "Hank", "text": "Look, you want to order something?"}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "She will have a greekaccino."}, {"speaker": "Hank", "text": "I don't know what that is."}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "It..."}, {"speaker": "Holly", "text": "[with accent] It's a very strong coffee with milk from a goat."}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "[laughs] I can't believe-ee. It's a miracle. She can talk!"}, {"speaker": "Holly", "text": "No more brain damage."}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "No more brain damage!"}, {"speaker": "Holly", "text": "Ahh!"}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Holly", "text": "I don't know."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Ladies and gentlemen, our special guest speaker will provoke you. He will inspire you. He is... Creed Bratton. [applause]"}, {"speaker": "Creed", "text": "Two eyes, two ears, a chin, a mouth, ten fingers, two nipples. A butt, two kneecaps, a penis. I have just described to you the Loch Ness Monster. And the reward for its capture? All the riches in Scotland. So I have one question:"}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Gabe", "text": "I picked out our movie. It's called \"Suspiria\". It pushes all the boundaries. All your preconceived notions about what horror can be come crashing down."}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "When I win..."}, {"speaker": "Gabe", "text": "Ooh."}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "We're gonna watch \"Wall-e\", where all the boundaries of color are pushed."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Gabe", "text": "It is hard to explain why Erin is doing so well today. The only thing I can think is Erin is living out some \"Slumdog Millionaire\" scenario, where every word she's playing has a connection to her orphan past. It's possible."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "So what's your crazy business pipe dream?"}, {"speaker": "Guy", "text": "Well, I started my own golf supply company."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "[unimpressed] Really?"}, {"speaker": "Guy", "text": "It's taken off faster than I expected, so I came here to learn about creating manageable growth."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "[quietly] Phyllis?"}, {"speaker": "Phyllis", "text": "Hmm?"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Some of these people are for real."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Hey, friend. How's it going? Oh, you know what? Let me steep that for you."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Thank you."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Hey, you know what? Good news. We're back in. Let's go sell some paper, Buddy. Huh?"}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Really?"}, {"speaker": "Darryl", "text": "Ahem!"}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Excuse me."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "I got it. I got it."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "[turning towards Darryl] Hey, do you need a lozenge?"}, {"speaker": "Darryl", "text": "[whispering] They're a bunch of jackals."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "What?"}, {"speaker": "Darryl", "text": "They left you in the lurch, and if they want to jump in, it means you're almost there. You did this. Bring it home."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "[to Dwight, Stanley, and Phyllis]:"}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Hi. Hope you enjoyed your lunch. Welcome back. [to Michael and Holly] Ooh. Well, hello. Welcome to the seminar. Hey, man. What's goin' on?"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "[whispering] You're gonna blow it."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Maybe. Only maybe."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "We got it! Wow! We got it!"}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "Oscar, wait. I think the victory would be more meaningful if Erin puts the last word in herself."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "Yes, Pam. Yes, most definitely. Yes."}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Yes."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "[pulls phone back] Ah. No! [laughing] [hands phone back]. Although I must say, I will have \"apoplexy\" if you lose. Do you understand? \"Apoplexy\" is what I will have."}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Apoplexy."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "Yes."}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Got it. [plays word] Oh, Oscar. Oscar?"}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Erin", "text": "I played \"ape.\""}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Jim", "text": "[on phone] I just want to make a point to that last caller. I disagree. I don't think it is the running game at all. I think we do have to make a few moves in this off-season."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Wow! What a day, right? Guess you guys are probably ready to go. And you got my business card, so..."}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "[as Mikanos] Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. You know, I like you. I'm going to give you my secret gyro recipe. Come out here since it's a secret, and I'll tell you. [exits conference room] [normal voice] All, you have to close right now."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Yeah, I mean, I'm getting to it."}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "No, you're not. You're getting past it. You have to close. You can do it."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Yeah, yeah."}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "Andy, what's the problem?"}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "This is hard for me. I'm a nice guy."}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "You, Kelly and Creed, Kevin, they believe in you. Don't let them down. Don't let yourself down, Andy. I'm gonna go back in. I'm going to stall them for a little bit. I want you to get your head together, and then come back in. I want you to close. [entering conference room] [as Mikanos] What is taking that guy so long?"}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Psst. You think this thing's gonna go much longer?"}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "I don't know. They're still in there."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Ohh! Good-bye."}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "Stop. Out with it."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Pam", "text": "Here's the story. That guy in there is Jim's childhood friend, Tom."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Tom Witochkin. One of my best buddies, actually."}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "And when they were both in the third grade, Jim was placed in the top reading group."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "I was blue group, so it was second from the top."}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "And Tom..."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Was in the green group."}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "And Jim's mom suggested that Jim spend time hanging with the kids in his reading group, because she though that would be a good influence."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "And that's what I told him."}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "Right. But how'd you say it?"}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "\"My mom thinks you're too dumb to hang out with.\""}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Okay, who would like to purchase this small business package from me right now? Yes, we got one. Okay, the snowball is rolling. Who else? You can put it off for a couple of days, but I guarantee you, eventually you're gonna realize you need this. So the only thing that's gonna be different is you'll be a couple of days behind where you would be if you bought this from me right now. So who's gonna buy one right now?"}, {"speaker": "Older Woman", "text": "I'll take one."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Yes! Awesome! All right, anyone else? [younger guy raises hand] Sold! Anybody else? [older guy raises hand] Yes! All right!"}, {"speaker": "Kelly", "text": "Yeah bitch."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Good choice. The rest of you are dead to me. You made the stupidest decision of your life."}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "[quietly] No, no, no."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "But it was a pleasure meeting you, and you've got my information, so feel free to call anytime."}, {"speaker": "Kelly", "text": "Whoo!"}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Tom", "text": "Hey, you think it's cool if I grab a soda?"}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Yeah, woah. [deeper voice] Yep, absolutely, go ahead."}, {"speaker": "Tom", "text": "Hey."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Hey."}, {"speaker": "Tom", "text": "How's it goin'?"}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Pretty good."}, {"speaker": "Tom", "text": "It's been a while."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "It has been, yeah."}, {"speaker": "Tom", "text": "So you work here, huh?"}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Sales."}, {"speaker": "Tom", "text": "Must be a front for some kind of famous laboratory. [laughs]"}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "[laughs]"}, {"speaker": "Tom", "text": "'Cause you're so smart."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Oh, man. You remember that, huh?"}, {"speaker": "Tom", "text": "Oh, barely. I'm so dumb, you know, stuff goes in, stuff goes out. Not like you probably remember every paper sale you ever made. Paper salesman genius."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "All right, good catch-up."}, {"speaker": "Tom", "text": "Yeah."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "See ya."}, {"speaker": "Tom", "text": "Where's your jetpack, Zuckerberg?"}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Andy. I didn't think you had it in ya."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Well, I guess when you looked in me, you forgot about my balls. They're on the outside. Don't how you missed 'em."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Holly", "text": "[with accent] Wonderful seminar!"}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "[as Mikanos] Almost as good as the first day when we first met. You are the love of my life. Come to me, Necropolis. Put your lips on my lips. Come on."}, {"speaker": "Holly", "text": "Michael, I should get back to work."}, {"speaker": "Michael", "text": "What? Come on. It's time for grapes. [regular voice] Real fun day."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Gabe", "text": "So, I won."}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "I know. You get to pick."}, {"speaker": "Gabe", "text": "Well, that's actually what I came to talk to you about. I know how much you want to watch \"Wall-e\"."}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Yes?"}, {"speaker": "Gabe", "text": "So I got us a compromise. This movie's called \"Hardware\". It tells the story of a killer combat robot, just like Wall-e, that the government invented to destroy humans. It's some of what you like and some of what I like, and... married..."}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Hey, I heard you talking about movies before, and, anyway, I just watched this over the weekend. I thought you'd really like it."}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "There's a \"Shrek\" two?!"}, {"speaker": "Andy", "text": "Oh, yeah. See you tomorrow."}, {"speaker": "Gabe", "text": "Nice guy."}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Ohh. [laughs]"}]}]}