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<meta property="og:description" content="Written by Greg Daniels Directed by Ken Kwapis Original Air Date: May 16, 2013 Transcribed by Jason Cagle Dwight: The documentary series finished airing ages ago. Why is PBS sending another crew? CameraMan: We’re getting bonus footage for the DVD. Dwight: pff, Nobody buys DVDs anymore. CameraMan: It’ll be a pledge gift. Dwight: PBS. The &hellip;" />
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var random_text = new random_text();
// Set the number of text strings to zero to start
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// Incremental list of all possible Text
random_text[number++] = "I know that patience and loyalty are good, and virtuous traits. But sometimes I just think you need to grow a pair."
random_text[number++] = "Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch!"
random_text[number++] = "Saboteur! I'm going to kill you for real. This game--- the game is over. I'm really going to shoot you. "
random_text[number++] = "I have this little vacuum cleaner that's broken. If Dwight doesn't work out, maybe that could be manager. "
random_text[number++] = "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."
random_text[number++] = "Jim is gone. He's gone. I miss him so much. Ooooh I cry myself to sleep, Jim! FALSE. I do not miss him."
random_text[number++] = "No! That is the fun of this place. I call everybody 'faggie'. Why would anybody find that offensive?"
random_text[number++] = "You don't call retarded people 'retards'. It's bad taste. You call your friends 'retards' when they're acting retarded."
random_text[number++] = "Maybe we could go out for a beer sometime. And you could tell me... how... you do that to another dude."
random_text[number++] = "I went to Cornell, you ever heard of it?"
random_text[number++] = "Hey, what about Angela? She's hard and severe. She could be a gay woman."
random_text[number++] = "That is so cool that you're gay. I totally underestimated you."
random_text[number++] = "I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about?"
random_text[number++] = "The company has made it my responsibility today to put an end to 100,000 years of being weirded out by gays."
random_text[number++] = "That's what she said. Or he said."
random_text[number++] = "I call her Hillary Rodham Clinton. Right? Not to her face, because... well, not because I'm scared of her. Because I'm not."
random_text[number++] = "Uh, is Josh concerned about downsizing himself? Not downsizing himself, but is he concerned about downsizing?"
random_text[number++] = "No, I am not going to tell them. I don't see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer."
random_text[number++] = "Safety violation. I could fall and pierce an organ."
random_text[number++] = "You can go mess with Josh's people, but I'm the head of this family, and you ain't gonna be messing with my chillin."
random_text[number++] = "I guess the atmosphere that I've created here is that I'm a friend first, and a boss second... and probably an entertainer third."
random_text[number++] = "They always want credit for something they supposed to do! What you want a cookie?"
random_text[number++] = "'...in this way, I can truly be a hero. Signed, Daffy Duck. He's going to lose it when he reads that."
random_text[number++] = "This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell out of here."
random_text[number++] = "Um, let me ask you, is there a term besides Mexican that you prefer? Something less offensive?"
random_text[number++] = "Come on, Olympics of Suffering right here. Slavery versus the Holocaust. Come on."
random_text[number++] = "You'll notice I didn't have anybody be an Arab. I thought that would be too explosive. No pun intended."
random_text[number++] = "That doesn't really make sense. Because you don't call them collared people, that's offensive."
random_text[number++] = "Any time Michael asks me to do anything, I just tell him that Dwight should do it."
random_text[number++] = "Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead."
random_text[number++] = "Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will."
random_text[number++] = "He's got to come out sometime. To go to the bathroom."
random_text[number++] = "I thought you said you were inventing diseases? That's spontaneous dental hydroplosion."
random_text[number++] = "Well, once you get down into the mine, what... you got laser tag or something?"
random_text[number++] = "Uh, leprosy? Flesh eating bacteria. Hot-dog fingers. Government-created killer nanorobot infection."
random_text[number++] = "It's an epidemic."
random_text[number++] = "Why did you write that down Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?"
random_text[number++] = "Hey, hey, everybody. Ice-cream sandwiches! Aaaahh!"
random_text[number++] = "OK, now. Who wrote this, hysterical one? Anal fissures?"
random_text[number++] = "See I learned improv from the greats, like, um, Drew Carey and Ryan Stiles."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, the water cooler was brought over here for... maintenance. So what do you guys hear? What's the scuttlebutt?"
random_text[number++] = "I think green is kind of whoreish."
random_text[number++] = "Mint chocolate chip! That'd be good, how about some, mint chocolate chip?"
random_text[number++] = "Do you want to form, an alliance, with me?"
random_text[number++] = "Meredith had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to work or it'll poop on the floor."
random_text[number++] = "Listen, Oscar, generosity and togetherness and community all convalescences into... morale. That's what I say, so..."
random_text[number++] = "Meredith, bad breath. Meredith has bad breath."
random_text[number++] = "One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I am better at hiding than they are... at vision."
random_text[number++] = "He's downstairs, in a box, on the floor, near the shelves. I'm serious."
random_text[number++] = "You know what? If I were allergic to dairy, I think I'd kill myself."
random_text[number++] = "I will use your talents come baseball season, my friend. Or if we box."
random_text[number++] = "And by gay I mean, um, you know, not in a homosexual way at all. I mean the uh, you know, like the bad-at-sports way."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, yuck, that's worse than you playing. ... 'Cause we need you as an alternate in case somebody gets hurt."
random_text[number++] = "Who am I? Am I Michael Scott? I don't know... I might just be a basketball machine."
random_text[number++] = "Ah, Katy. Wow. Look at you. You are, uh you're like the new and improved Pam. Pam 6.0."
random_text[number++] = "Amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies."
random_text[number++] = "I live by one rule. No office romances. No way. Very messy. Inappropriate. No. But, I live by another rule: Just do it. Nike."
random_text[number++] = "Oh definitely, definitely step in and out of it like that."
random_text[number++] = "Uh, Pam, one more thing. Um, how do girls your age feel about futons?"
random_text[number++] = "Wow. How many filet-o-fishes did you eat? "
random_text[number++] = "I mean, who's gonna give Kevin an award? Dunkin' Donuts?"
random_text[number++] = "Ah, it's just easier to say T.M.I. I used to say 'Don't go there' but that's... lame."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, yeah, this is the part where Kevin sat in front of the camcorder all night. It's great."
random_text[number++] = "Who? Dave Barry?"
random_text[number++] = "It'll be fine, I just...wish people were going to be drunk."
random_text[number++] = "The Dundies, how can I explain it? Awards you like to hate it. I'm psyched you all made it."
random_text[number++] = "And I just want to tell you please, please, do not drink and drive. Because you may hit a bump and spill the drink!"
random_text[number++] = "This says 'Bushiest Beaver.'"
random_text[number++] = "No, no. Cause the ice melts and then it's like second drink!"
random_text[number++] = "And, I feel God in this Chili's tonight. WOOOOOOOO!"
random_text[number++] = "I'm an early bird, and I'm a night owl. So I'm wise, and I have worms."
random_text[number++] = "Every so often, Jim dies of boredom."
random_text[number++] = "You see Dwight's coffee mug? Sometimes when he's not here I try to throw things in it."
random_text[number++] = "You try and hurt Mozart, you're going to get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy. "
random_text[number++] = "Oh, most honorable Pamera. Not offensive, because that's the way they talk in movies."
random_text[number++] = "Sometimes we play 'Who can put the most M&M's in their mouth?'"
random_text[number++] = "We sell beets to local stores and restaurants. It's a nice little farm. Sometimes teenagers use it for sex."
random_text[number++] = "Yeah, I got a game. It's called work hard so my kids can go to college."
random_text[number++] = "I do play games. I sing and I dangle things in front of my cats."
random_text[number++] = "Hey, look! Cool. Carpenter ants."
random_text[number++] = "If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn't hear the other dead people."
random_text[number++] = "Jim, they refer to it as Flonkerton."
random_text[number++] = "There's a basic principle in real estate. That you should never be the best looking person in the development."
random_text[number++] = "Question. Where can I put my terrarium?"
random_text[number++] = "I call it Pam Pong. I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk and goes to reception to talk to you."
random_text[number++] = "Although two bathrooms would have been nice, we just have the one. And it's under the porch. "
random_text[number++] = "Nobody likes beets, Dwight. Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy."
random_text[number++] = "Oh. Thanks. Thanks. It's very cool. It's a three bedroom. Gay friendly."
random_text[number++] = "No, never heard of it. No, a real disability, not a woman's trouble."
random_text[number++] = "You burned your foot on a Foreman Grill?"
random_text[number++] = "I tried hopping Kevin, and I bumped my elbow against the wall and now my elbow has a protruberance."
random_text[number++] = "Hey, Pam, I'm assistant regional manager, and I can take care of him. Part of my duties are to"
random_text[number++] = "Ok, see you later, Pan."
random_text[number++] = "Pam, please. I have Country Crock."
random_text[number++] = "Oh God no, Dwight isn't my friend... Oh my God! Dwight's kind of my friend!"
random_text[number++] = "Get Ryan. He needs to lift me. And he needs to clean me up a little bit. Bring a wet towel."
random_text[number++] = "He grew into a man overnight. Rare disability, still works."
random_text[number++] = "I want to clamp Michael's face in a George Foreman grill."
random_text[number++] = "You know what? We're not that different, you and I. When I clamped my foot into a non-stick..."
random_text[number++] = "The rules of shotgun are very simple and very clear. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion."
random_text[number++] = "Chuck E. Cheese? Oh, God, I'm so sick of Chuck E. Cheese."
random_text[number++] = "You can't fire me. I don't work in this van!"
random_text[number++] = "Doctor, what is more serious, a head injury or a foot injury?"
random_text[number++] = "Me so horny. Me love you long tim."
random_text[number++] = "Hey Dwight, pass the tardy sauce. Get it Michael?"
random_text[number++] = "I am very flattered. I was his second choice after 'Pass.'"
random_text[number++] = "Every success I've ever had at my job or with the lady-folk has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down."
random_text[number++] = "Let's go. The men's room was disgusting."
random_text[number++] = "No thank you, I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear."
random_text[number++] = "We trade on the New York Stock Exchange. Ever heard of it? It's in New York."
random_text[number++] = "Angela, you seem so happy. I bet you wish you were like this all the time."
random_text[number++] = "'Schruted' it. It's just this thing that people say around your office all the time."
random_text[number++] = "I don't know. Who knows how words are formed."
random_text[number++] = "Um... Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi."
random_text[number++] = "You sounded like my niece, and she's six months old!"
random_text[number++] = "I never take vacations, I never get sick, and I don't celebrate any major holidays."
random_text[number++] = "You know what they say? Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice, strike three."
random_text[number++] = "Well, I like pretty women who have the appearance of intelligence."
random_text[number++] = "And where it asks to state your business, he wrote 'Beeswax. Not yours, Inc.'"
random_text[number++] = "I overslept. Damn rooster didn't crow."
random_text[number++] = "But remember, while today it is me, we all shall fall. In other words, I am quitting. So... "
random_text[number++] = "Oomp-a-Loomp-a-Doompity-Dawesome, Dwight is now gone which is totally awesome."
random_text[number++] = "Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy? No, he was not. He was a total douche. Doopity-doomp."
random_text[number++] = "Dwight will be missed. Not by me so much, but, he will be missed."
random_text[number++] = "One of my life goals was to die right here in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered."
random_text[number++] = "And when I came to, I had an epiphery."
random_text[number++] = "Then you take these bad boys and clip them anywhere on the engine. Then you take these and clip them wherever."
random_text[number++] = "You just twist your hand until something breaks."
random_text[number++] = "Number eight, learn how to take off a woman's bra. We will demonstrate on Pam."
random_text[number++] = "This may be Phyllis' only wedding ever. ... So I am instituting prima nocta."
random_text[number++] = "I'm sorry. I had a very different understanding as to what prima nocta meant."
random_text[number++] = "Actually, it's more of a guy's afternoon in. A G-A-I. A gay."
random_text[number++] = "It's a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. An hour long shower with guys."
random_text[number++] = "It's not really any of my business, but I've gotten pretty good at reading the back of Jim's neck."
random_text[number++] = "Halpert! Tall, queer, handsome as ever."
random_text[number++] = "Okay. Co-ed naked strippers in this office. For realsies."
random_text[number++] = "SHUT UP ANGELA!"
random_text[number++] = "Ruddy cheeks, thick calves, no tats, no moles, no tats."
random_text[number++] = "Michael referred me to a male strip club called Banana Slings."
random_text[number++] = "Is she hot? Text back, 'Kind of.'"
random_text[number++] = "Michael, Dwight would like your man meat."
random_text[number++] = "You know what I find sexy? Pam's art. She's an artist and I appreciate that. It's very moving and sexy. The art."
random_text[number++] = "You smell like Tide detergent. Do you use Tide detergent?"
random_text[number++] = "Well, Ben Franklin, you're really kind of a sleezebag."
random_text[number++] = "Stripper? Could I ask you a question about women? Um, should I tell my girlfriend that you danced up on me?"
random_text[number++] = "I don't care what Jim says, that is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure."
random_text[number++] = "Really makes you wonder how Ben Franklin can become president, but someone like Elizabeth can't."
random_text[number++] = "She's prettier than you though."
random_text[number++] = "That's a very rude thing to say, Kevin."
random_text[number++] = "Straight teeth. Curly hair. Amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies."
random_text[number++] = "Not that we're all millionaires. ...I'm probably closest."
random_text[number++] = "Moms, primarily. Yep. Soccer moms. Single moms. NASCAR moms. Any type of moms, really."
random_text[number++] = "Man, I would be all over that if I wasn't dating Pam."
random_text[number++] = "You're not prying this out of my hands, but don't tempt me because I'll give it to you!"
random_text[number++] = "No, I didn't. I took back my chair that you took from me, but I didn't take your chair."
random_text[number++] = "Never ever, ever sleep with your boss. I am so lucky that Jan and I only got to second base."
random_text[number++] = "It's weird. Jan use to treat Michael like he was a ten year old, but lately it's like he's five."
random_text[number++] = "Extremely excited? ... Just very? That's cool."
random_text[number++] = "Is he going to be a slacker-loser-wise-ass like Jim was? Or is he going to join the Dwight Army of Champions?"
random_text[number++] = "When you are ready to see the sales office, the sales office will present itself to you. Your journey begins now."
random_text[number++] = "Hey Koselli, the Kos. Cosby. Hey hey hey. I love Jello Pudding pops. My son, Theo, loves Jello Pudding Pops too."
random_text[number++] = "Once a year they bring in a little cart and they give away free pretzels. It's really not a big deal. To some people it is."
random_text[number++] = "And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I'm going to plant my seed in you."
random_text[number++] = "What a pair of Mary's."
random_text[number++] = "Wrong. He's not afraid of anything. Also, I would have accepted snakes."
random_text[number++] = "You need to vanquish fear! One must wrestle fear to the ground. You will now wrestle my cousin Mose!"
random_text[number++] = "Ryan. Don't. Ryan! You don't have to wrestle him. Just get in the coffin. Ryan?"
random_text[number++] = "Michael always said, K.I.S.S. Keep it simple, stupid. Great advice, hurts my feelings every time."
random_text[number++] = "Are we not, are we not, are we not? Are you with me, are you with me? Thank you very much!"
random_text[number++] = "You know what? They're going to be screwed once this whole internet fad is over."
random_text[number++] = "AM or PM?"
random_text[number++] = "Three hundred and sixty four days, till the next Pretzel Day."
random_text[number++] = "'Happy Valentine's Day darling. Love Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.'"
random_text[number++] = "New York, New York. City so nice they named it twice. Manhattan is the other name."
random_text[number++] = "It's me. I'm the bobble head. Yes!"
random_text[number++] = "I hooked up with her on February 13th."
random_text[number++] = "Here it is, heart of New York City, Times Square. Named for the good times you have when you're in it."
random_text[number++] = "Okay, there's a guy pooping in a cardboard box down there."
random_text[number++] = "You mean, like a ham?"
random_text[number++] = "Great Scott!"
random_text[number++] = "Care for it. Feed it. Lovingly, the way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving."
random_text[number++] = "You're evil, like a hobbit."
random_text[number++] = "It's time for our first quarter camaraderie event, so pack a swimsuit, a toothbrush, rubber-soled shoes, and a ski mask."
random_text[number++] = "Last year, Michael's theme was 'Bowl over the Competition!' So guess where we went."
random_text[number++] = "I think you're thinking of The Hunt for Red October."
random_text[number++] = "In an office, when you are ranking people, manager is higher than captain. On a boat, who knows? It's nebulose."
random_text[number++] = "Sometimes you have to just be the boss of dancing."
random_text[number++] = "Do you want us to run aground, woman?!"
random_text[number++] = "You know what? I would save the receptionist. I just wanted to clear that up."
random_text[number++] = "I don't know. Let's break up."
random_text[number++] = "Captain Jack is a fart face. I'm on medication."
random_text[number++] = "BFD. Engaged ain't married."
random_text[number++] = "Never, ever, ever give up."
random_text[number++] = "If it's the same thing, then why did you write 'workspace'?"
random_text[number++] = "Kevin! That's inappropriate."
random_text[number++] = "Wait. What are you writing? Don't write Ebola or mad cow disease. Right? 'Cause I'm suffering from both."
random_text[number++] = "I have tried to treat you all as adults, but obviously I am the only adult here. Number one, inverted penis."
random_text[number++] = "Robin Williams. Oh, man, would I love to go head-to-head with him."
random_text[number++] = "Meredith had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to work or it'll poop on the floor."
random_text[number++] = "Meredith, let's hope the only downsizing that happens to you is that someone downsizes your age."
random_text[number++] = "Is your password Frodo? Did you just change it to Gollum?"
random_text[number++] = "Swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans! So..."
random_text[number++] = "This is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head."
random_text[number++] = "I really hope that Dwight doesn't make me work. Maybe I should sleep with him? ... I'm kidding, kidding. Totally kidding."
random_text[number++] = "This is our warehouse. Or, as I like to call it, the whorehouse. But don't you call it that, I've earned the right."
random_text[number++] = "Darryl Philbin. Then Regis, then Rege, then Roger, then Mister Rogers."
random_text[number++] = "You still getting it regular man? Huh? I mean, I can tell her it's part of the job!"
random_text[number++] = "Uh, 'I'll help, Elwyn Dragonslayer, uh, ten points, power sword!'"
random_text[number++] = "Please don't throw garbage at me."
random_text[number++] = "Hey, there he is! Secret weapon!"
random_text[number++] = "Aw, come on! What is wrong with me today!? Usually hit those!"
random_text[number++] = "Same team, Dwight."
random_text[number++] = "You have the day off. Like coming in an extra day is gonna prevent us from being downsized. Have a good weekend!"
random_text[number++] = "Question, who's the best player in the league? Answer, The Question. Or the Drunkmeister."
random_text[number++] = "Toby's divorced. God, that's hard. That really ripped you up. She got the kids right?"
random_text[number++] = "And I know it's illegal in Pennsylvania, but it's for charity. And I consider myself a great philanderer."
random_text[number++] = "It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it, so family heirloom."
random_text[number++] = "I don't believe you. Continue."
random_text[number++] = "We've remained good friends. Good friends with privileges. Not now, some day."
random_text[number++] = "Comedy is very much alive, as are homeless people."
random_text[number++] = "There's a great soup kitchen in downtown Scranton. Delicious pea soup on Thursdays."
random_text[number++] = "Why are you the way that you are?"
random_text[number++] = "Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not... that way."
random_text[number++] = "I hate so much about the things that you choose to be."
random_text[number++] = "Guys, the Afghanistananies."
random_text[number++] = "Okay, you know what? No. No. AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried."
random_text[number++] = "And I hope to someday live in a world where a person could tell a hilarious AIDS joke. It's one of my dreams."
random_text[number++] = "Dinkin' flicka."
random_text[number++] = "You know, stuff like, 'Fleece it out.' 'Going mach five.' 'Dinkin' flicka.' You know, things us Negroes say."
random_text[number++] = "We really don't do a lot of weddings. We actually don't play in public very often."
random_text[number++] = "Hey Carol, how goes the real estate biz? Is it real good?"
random_text[number++] = "Jan Levinson, I presume?"
random_text[number++] = "Two queens on Casino Night. I am going to drop a deuce on everybody."
random_text[number++] = "Code name Re/Max is here. No sign of Lan Jevinson."
random_text[number++] = "Michael said, 'We must deceive them, so as not to hurt them, and in that way, we honor them.'"
random_text[number++] = "Oh, I steal things all the time. It's just something I do. I stopped caring a long time ago. Honestly, I love stealing things."
random_text[number++] = "Old friends, new lovers, and the disabled! Welcome all!"
random_text[number++] = "Let's get it started! Black-Eyed Crows."
random_text[number++] = "Bluffing is a key part of poker, which is too bad, because I'm not very good at bluffing. ...Did you believe me?"
random_text[number++] = "One beer and one Seven and Seven with eight maraschino cherries, sugar on the rim, blended if you can."
random_text[number++] = "Look, I won! Look I have all the clovers!"
random_text[number++] = "Thanks. I never owned a refrigerator."
random_text[number++] = "I was just... I'm in love with you."
random_text[number++] = "I just needed you to know. Once."
random_text[number++] = "Come on. I don't wanna do that. I wanna be more than that."
random_text[number++] = "Um, I don't know, mom, he's my best friend. Yeah, he's great. Yeah, I think I am."
random_text[number++] = "And we both have to hear Dwight order deer urine over the Internet, so it evens out."
random_text[number++] = "It's my wedding. And I don't want anyone there who has called me a hussy."
random_text[number++] = "Yes, thanks, Fantastic Sam's. Adult Cut Plus. Comes with a shampoo and blow dry."
random_text[number++] = "I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?"
random_text[number++] = "What do you know about conflict resolution? Your answer to everything is to get divorced. So..."
random_text[number++] = "Because in this office, it is 'till death do us part... assuming we don't get downsized."
random_text[number++] = "It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, and God has a really cute sense of humor."
random_text[number++] = "Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day and wants a seat facing the receptionist."
random_text[number++] = "Here is a Kelly complaint: 'Ryan never returns my calls.' Ugh, join the club."
random_text[number++] = "Someone complained that the men's room is 'whites only'. Stanley, you know that's not true."
random_text[number++] = "OK, Ryan. You told Toby that Creed has a distinct old man smell?"
random_text[number++] = "I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious. But they smell like death."
random_text[number++] = "Solution: Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin that will make him uncomfortable."
random_text[number++] = "When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life."
random_text[number++] = "And my middle name is 'Kurt', not 'Fart'."
random_text[number++] = "Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? If they didn't work, everybody would still be in the cage."
random_text[number++] = "'Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert.'"
random_text[number++] = "'Everyone has called me 'Dwayne' all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to.'"
random_text[number++] = "'This morning, I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder.'"
random_text[number++] = "'Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the woman's room. When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can.'"
random_text[number++] = "'Every time I typed my name, it said 'Diapers'.'"
random_text[number++] = "Yeah, I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. And that's how I spent my entire day that day."
random_text[number++] = "I'm sort of an expert at Photoshop, so it turned out fine in the end."
random_text[number++] = "And everyday, for eight years, people have laughed at me. Well, who's laughing now?"
random_text[number++] = "It was a crime of passion, Jan, not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled."
random_text[number++] = "Yeppers."
random_text[number++] = "And Roy was lucky that Dwight only used pepper spray. And not the nunchucks or the throwing stars."
random_text[number++] = "Don't want it. Won't open it. Don't need it. Won't take it."
random_text[number++] = "Wikipedia... is the best thing ever."
random_text[number++] = "Sex, Steve Martin, Terri Hatcher."
random_text[number++] = "I don't think Michael intended to punish me, by putting Ryan back here with Kelly. But, if he did intend that? Wow. Genius."
random_text[number++] = "I am declining to speak first."
random_text[number++] = "Are you wearin' lady clothes? Those look like lady... pants."
random_text[number++] = "So I don't think that this is totally just a woman's suit. At the very least it's bisexual."
random_text[number++] = "Uh, MISSterious. And it is mysterious because the buttons are on the wrong side... that's the mystery."
random_text[number++] = "Make one tiny mistake, you're dead. I made one tiny mistake. I wore woman's clothes."
random_text[number++] = "For example, every year I get a $100 gas card... Can't put a price tag on that."
random_text[number++] = "Yeah, I heard how much Michael makes. I still think he's way over paid."
random_text[number++] = "So the big fella pulls out a sock filled with nickels. Then Schrute grabs a can of hairspray and a lighter---"
random_text[number++] = "Where? I'm gonna smack you in the head with a hammer. Come on, let's go."
random_text[number++] = "What is so stupid about wanting to name a baby Usher? Usher Jennifer Hudson Kapoor."
random_text[number++] = "Pippity poppity, give me the zoppity."
random_text[number++] = "Jim--- Roy--- Look out!"
random_text[number++] = "Were you going to tell me that you hired James Van Der Beek?"
random_text[number++] = "You gonna play it like this? You give me a good raise, or no more sex."
random_text[number++] = "It will be a groundbreaking case when it inevitably goes to trial."
random_text[number++] = "It was a weird day. I accidentally cross-dressed."
random_text[number++] = "All right, Levinson. Here's the rub."
random_text[number++] = "But you know, life is about more... than just salaries. It's about perks. Like having sex with Jan."
random_text[number++] = "So look out Dunder Mifflin'! I mean, look out... in a fun way! You know, not like, I'm gonna hurt you... "
random_text[number++] = "You know who's a real hero? Hiro, from Heroes. That's a hero. Also, Bono."
random_text[number++] = "It's really for anybody with a dream and a belief in magic and a little extra time after school."
random_text[number++] = "Which is unfortunate because as it turns out, Dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs."
random_text[number++] = "I did not become a Lackawanna County Volunteer Sheriff's deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven't."
random_text[number++] = "I enjoy the tangy zip of Miracle Whip."
random_text[number++] = "Stop! This is not Kelly Kapoor story hour."
random_text[number++] = "Smokin' doobies. Doobie brothers, I was smokin' doobies with my brothers. Peace out, Seacrest!"
random_text[number++] = "Have you ever... pooped... a balloon?"
random_text[number++] = "No! You said that I'd be conducting the interview when I walked in here. Now exactly how much pot did you smoke?"
random_text[number++] = "Why do you keep CC'ing me on things that have nothing to do with me?"
random_text[number++] = "Jim is not allowed to talk until after he buys me a coke. Those are the rules of jinx, and they are unflinchingly rigid."
random_text[number++] = "It has to be official, and it has to be urine."
random_text[number++] = "I am ridiculously anti-drug. So anti-drug that I am above suspicion in any way that involves suspicion, or testing of any kind."
random_text[number++] = "Pam, can you take this down? In addition to Toby's urine being tested, I would like to test his blood and his hair."
random_text[number++] = "And I wasn't planning on going to the bathroom, and I don't even know if anything is going to come out, okay?"
random_text[number++] = "A cup could find its way under the urine. It might be an accident. It happens."
random_text[number++] = "My father's name was Dwight Schrute. My grandfather's name was Dwight Schrute. His father's name Dwide Schrude. Amish."
random_text[number++] = "Yes! Thank you! You will get rich quick. We all will!"
random_text[number++] = "When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help!"
random_text[number++] = "Today is my B-day, and people around here just go crazy for it."
random_text[number++] = "Fun fact. I share my birthday with Eva Longoria. So, I have a perfect ice-breaker if I ever meet Terry Hatcher."
random_text[number++] = "Let's get the party started. Not the way I taught you!"
random_text[number++] = "I never really thought about death until Princess Diana died. That was the saddest funeral ever. That and my sister's."
random_text[number++] = "Well, I guess I forgot to give you a donut."
random_text[number++] = "It's 'For the Longest Time,' by William Joel. It's your favorite song."
random_text[number++] = "You're making it worse. I bet Luke Perry's friends don't treat him like this."
random_text[number++] = "It is 11:23 exactly, the exact moment when you emerged from your mother's vaginal canal."
random_text[number++] = "Happy birth moment, Michael."
random_text[number++] = "Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair."
random_text[number++] = "I did, however, tip my urologist, because... I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones."
random_text[number++] = "No cookie.'"
random_text[number++] = "Luke, this is your father. Come set the table for dinner."
random_text[number++] = "Well, you're pretty much driving everyone else here crazy... crazy with worry."
random_text[number++] = "Where have you been? And don't say the bathroom, 'cause I kicked in all the stalls."
random_text[number++] = "You know, give yourself an exam. Those things are like ticking time bags. Alright? Think about it."
random_text[number++] = "Well, apparently in the medicine community, negative means good. Which makes absolutely no sense."
random_text[number++] = "Michael's birthday was actually pretty cool. It was a good day. I don't know... It was a good day."
random_text[number++] = "I put out a bunch of extra candy out on my desk so the kids will come talk to me. ...Like the witch in Hanzel and Gretel."
random_text[number++] = "I am... like Superman, and the people who work here are like citizens of Gotham City."
random_text[number++] = "Why be a dad when you can be a fun uncle? I've never heard of anyone rebelling against their fun uncle."
random_text[number++] = "I'm learning that 'fun' for Kelly is... getting married and having babies. Immediately. With me."
random_text[number++] = "That's your name? Mister Poop?"
random_text[number++] = "Are you Mother Goose?"
random_text[number++] = "Boy have you lost your mind? 'Cause I'll help you find it!"
random_text[number++] = "Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life."
random_text[number++] = "Have you ever seen a foot with four toes?"
random_text[number++] = "I want to be married and have a hundred kids so I can have a hundred friends, and no one can say no to being my friend."
random_text[number++] = "I need a username. And... I have a great one. Little kid lover. That way, people will know exactly where my priorities are at."
random_text[number++] = "Question: Do their pizzas play DVDs?"
random_text[number++] = "Abso-fruit-ly. Fruit. Grapes. Nailed the joke."
random_text[number++] = "'Thank you, Mr. Blank. Thank you very, very, very...'"
random_text[number++] = "It was me against Raj Patel. And I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word 'failure'."
random_text[number++] = "Look, it doesn't matter what you say. It just matters that you're saying something that people care about."
random_text[number++] = "Pam! I'm public speaking. Stop public interrupting me."
random_text[number++] = "The very best of luck to you, Dwight."
random_text[number++] = "I always set it at 69."
random_text[number++] = "Actually, I don't see myself ever getting married."
random_text[number++] = "Blood alone moves the wheels of history!"
random_text[number++] = "WE ARE WARRIORS!"
random_text[number++] = "I captivated the guy who captivated a thousand guys. Can you believe that? A thousand guys?"
random_text[number++] = "Ryan is a temp, and that means that he could go at any time. Am I worried about that? Try scared to death."
random_text[number++] = "Man, this must be torture for you."
random_text[number++] = "So, uh, what's the 411? Any news on the 'P' situation?"
random_text[number++] = "It's Grrrrrrape! Soda."
random_text[number++] = "Hey you know what we could do? We could spread out a blanket in the break room. Have a little picnic, order some 'za. Talk about you know who."
random_text[number++] = "Oh man, you should order milk. Get it?"
random_text[number++] = "Why do I like Hooters? Well I will give you two reasons, the boobs and the hot wings."
random_text[number++] = "Mmmm, sounds yummy. I will have a chicken breast hold the chicken."
random_text[number++] = "Including prep time?"
random_text[number++] = "If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds and nobody would ever know I had ever been here. And I'd forget too."
random_text[number++] = "You're not his friend, you don't know. He is in love with a girl he works with who's engaged. So just cut me some slack. Please?"
random_text[number++] = "You know what Kevin? Jim is a friend of mine, so the only people that this crush really concerns is Jim and Pam... and me."
random_text[number++] = "You are so busted. Ice skates, shopping bags? I think I know what's going on here. You weren't sick at all."
random_text[number++] = "So I can use his malfeasance to establish leverage. Otherwise, it's just malfeasance for malfeasanceses-ses sake."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, I thought that was more on a volunteer basis."
random_text[number++] = "People are always coming to me. 'Michael, I have a secret. You're the only one I trust.'"
random_text[number++] = "An emergency like, you have an ice cream cake, and you're in the sun, and it's melting?"
random_text[number++] = "You don't use it to buy refrigerators, Kevin!"
random_text[number++] = "Drew. I'm Drew now."
random_text[number++] = "I've got a new attitude. And a new name. And... a bunch of new techniques for dealing with the grumpies."
random_text[number++] = "I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday... for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna."
random_text[number++] = "Dwight says that he actually doesn't know one single fact about bear attacks."
random_text[number++] = "Jim, tell him that bears can climb faster than they can run. Jim! Tell him!"
random_text[number++] = "And if I know Darryl, it gonna be zoppity."
random_text[number++] = "'Hey Darryl, how's it hangin'?!'"
random_text[number++] = "Toby now has the floor... and he is going to try not to screw this up, like everything else in his life."
random_text[number++] = "This is shenanigans, foolishness, NERF-ball. You live a sweet, little, NERF-y life. Sittin' on your biscuit. Never havin' to risk it."
random_text[number++] = "What, NERF isn't cool anymore?"
random_text[number++] = "Really, ten? That's your guess? You're a professional accountant."
random_text[number++] = "You go to the science museum and you put your hand on a metal ball, your hair sticks up straight... and you know science."
random_text[number++] = "Indubitably."
random_text[number++] = "Ta-freakin'-da!"
random_text[number++] = "Creed is eating an apple. I found a potato."
random_text[number++] = "Find out whose car that is. If it's Stanley's, call the offices of James P. Albini, see if he handles hate crimes."
random_text[number++] = "When you land, try and land like an eight year-old. These bouncy castles are not designed for adults."
random_text[number++] = "Michael is awesome! Jumpin' off the roof! Bouncin' on the bouncy bounce! Show 'em who's boss! Rip a hole in the suuuuuuun!"
random_text[number++] = "Un-shun. Never. Re-shun."
random_text[number++] = "The stress of my modern office, has caused me to go into a depression."
random_text[number++] = "Dwight, you ignorant slut."
random_text[number++] = "Depression is a very serious illness. Over 32 thousand people commit suicide every year! According to a 2004 study!"
random_text[number++] = "My head is in such pain! And turmoil!"
random_text[number++] = "If someone gives you 10,000 to 1 on anything, you take it. If John Mellencamp ever wins an Oscar, I am going to be a very rich dude."
random_text[number++] = "I Braveheart."
random_text[number++] = "I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? I really can't say. But, yes."
random_text[number++] = "You look as beautiful as the Queen of England."
random_text[number++] = "We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic, but the weddings are a bleak affair."
random_text[number++] = "Wow. That is... that is pungent. I lost my train of thought."
random_text[number++] = "There are too many people on this Earth. We need a new plague."
random_text[number++] = "I look really good in white."
random_text[number++] = "Congratulations, Phyllis. You look lovely. Your dress is very white. So white, my eyes are burning."
random_text[number++] = "Attention, please. I am supposed to ask if anyone has seen Uncle Al. He is old and has brown eyes and dementia."
random_text[number++] = "Webster's Dictionary defines 'wedding' as the fusing of two metals with a hot torch."
random_text[number++] = "For your convenience, I've broken it down into three parts: professional resume, athletic and special skills resume, and Dwight Schrute trivia."
random_text[number++] = "How would I describe myself? Three words. Hard-working, Alpha male, Jackhammer, Merciless, Insatiable."
random_text[number++] = "All four parts. Recorded it on my computer. It took me forever."
random_text[number++] = "I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, hello, Oscar. How was your gay-cation?"
random_text[number++] = "Gonna go home. Get my beer on. Get my 'Lost' on."
random_text[number++] = "Which is like, 'Right on.' And Pam was like 'blah blah blah' and you were like 'Yeah, psht.' Nailed it."
random_text[number++] = "He's always up in my bidness. Which is ebonics for 'being in my face and annoying the bejesus out of me.'"
random_text[number++] = "I don't understand how someone could have so little self-awareness."
random_text[number++] = "Your gayness does not define you. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you to me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar's Mexicanity."
random_text[number++] = "So Phyllis... I want you to go find firecrackers. And a Chihuahua. Pam, in the frozen food section, Swanson makes a delightful chimichanga."
random_text[number++] = "I will literally be standing right here if you need anything at all."
random_text[number++] = "Who's that sportscaster that bit that lady? Marv something? Andy is like Marv Something. Great sportscaster. Big weirdo creep."
random_text[number++] = "Dwight has a big personality and I have a big personality. And a lot of times when two people like that get together it can be explosive."
random_text[number++] = "I don't trust you, Phyllis!"
random_text[number++] = "Here's a little newsflash! It's not funny! In fact, it's pretty freakin' unfunny!"
random_text[number++] = "That... was an overreaction. Gonna hit the break room. Does anybody want anything? Pam, you good?"
random_text[number++] = "It takes a big man to admit his mistake. And I am that big man."
random_text[number++] = "I think we broke his brain."
random_text[number++] = "No, let the record show that Dwight K. Schrute is now completely nude and is holding a plastic knife to Stanley's neck?!"
random_text[number++] = "Dwight, what is that on your stomach? Is that a Muppet Babies tattoo?"
random_text[number++] = "I am now chopping off Phyllis' head with a chainsaw! ... Rin-in-in-in-in-in!"
random_text[number++] = "You are not as much fun as your Jamaican brothers... mon."
random_text[number++] = "He said it would be like we were living together. In different houses. Two blocks away."
random_text[number++] = "Feelin' hot, hot, hot! That's all I know so far, but I'm gonna keep practicing."
random_text[number++] = "Inventory is boring. In the islands, they don't make you do stuff like take inventory. Why do you think so many businesses move to the Caymans?"
random_text[number++] = "How hard is a luau? All you need are some grass skirts, pineapple, poi, tiki torches, suckling pig, some fire dancers. That's all you need."
random_text[number++] = "No, no, no. No, that's a German woman named Urkel Grue."
random_text[number++] = "Sex. We had sex. I had sex with her. I had sex with Jan."
random_text[number++] = "OK, wait a second. I sent it to you at... Packer@DunderMifflin.com... Packaging'@DunderMifflin.com. Uh oh."
random_text[number++] = "Boring. Call me if she rolls over."
random_text[number++] = "It contains a file, a picture. The file name is 'Jamaican Jan Sun Princess.'"
random_text[number++] = "I help Phyllis all the time. Just yesterday, I untangled a piece of tape from her hair. So, yeah."
random_text[number++] = "I bet you would love all the details, wouldn't you? Skeevy little perv."
random_text[number++] = "No, no, no. I am not dating Jan. She was very clear about that."
random_text[number++] = "Did you try the petting zoo?"
random_text[number++] = "Tell her I'm not here. Tell... tell her, I ran out for cash. I hit a deer. I hit a deer with my car. Tell her I hit a cat. Tell her I hit a cat."
random_text[number++] = "So you're PMSing pretty bad, huh?"
random_text[number++] = "And I, to you, in addition, feel the same feelings that you are as well."
random_text[number++] = "Jan, you... complete... me."
random_text[number++] = "What am I going to do? I'm gonna hang it up at home. I don't have a lot of art."
random_text[number++] = "I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks."
random_text[number++] = "You ruined a funny joke, you. Get out of my offive."
random_text[number++] = "If you bring your boss to class, it automatically bumps you up a full letter grade. So... I'd be stupid not to do it, right?"
random_text[number++] = "Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing."
random_text[number++] = "May your hats fly as high as your dreams."
random_text[number++] = "Pam's with Roy. I'm with Karen. And, uh, Brangelina is with Frangelina. Movin' on."
random_text[number++] = "Campus. Brings back so many memories. ... That I would have made."
random_text[number++] = "Poop is raining from the ceilings. Poop!"
random_text[number++] = "The bat, I mean, I know I felt it bite me, but look. There's no mark. I feel so... tingly... so strangely powerful... Oh well."
random_text[number++] = "There are four kinds of business: Tourism. Food service. Railroads, and sales. And hospitals slash manufacturing. And air travel."
random_text[number++] = "If a vampire bat was in the U.S., it would make sense for it to come to a 'sylvania.' Like PENN-sylvania."
random_text[number++] = "Or... a Whatchamacallit. Now, you need to sell those in order to have a PayDay. And, if you sell enough of them, you will make a 100 Grand. Satisfied?"
random_text[number++] = "The more stickers you sell, the more profit, fancy word for money, you have to buy PlayStations and Beanie Babies."
random_text[number++] = "But I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog."
random_text[number++] = "You know what else is facing five Goliaths? America. Al-Qaeda, global warming, sex predators... mercury poisoning."
random_text[number++] = "Ryan... has never made a sale. And he started a fire trying to make a cheesy pita. And everybody thinks he's a tease."
random_text[number++] = "Business is always personal. It's the most personal thing in the world."
random_text[number++] = "It's cool if I go, right? I mean, I looked at all of them."
random_text[number++] = "Your art.. was the prettiest art of... all art."
random_text[number++] = "Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica."
random_text[number++] = "Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!"
random_text[number++] = "I am upset. Don't I sound upset?"
random_text[number++] = "Everybody in here. STAT. No time to lose. Cri-Man-Squa. F and C, doubletime."
random_text[number++] = "Midnight, Oscar!'"
random_text[number++] = "This day is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. This day is bananas! B-A-N-A-"
random_text[number++] = "I don't have a headache. I'm just preparing."
random_text[number++] = "I need two men on this. That's what she said. No time! But she did. NO TIME!"
random_text[number++] = "That's what happened to O.J."
random_text[number++] = "I will do whatever it takes to survive. Like I did... when I was a homeless man."
random_text[number++] = "I like ice cream too, mate. Alligators and dingo babies."
random_text[number++] = "Beer me!"
random_text[number++] = "I always say 'Beer me.' Gets a laugh like a quarter of the time."
random_text[number++] = "Check out this sunshine, man. Global warming, right? Today was supposed to be really cold, I bet."
random_text[number++] = "Lord, beer me strength."
random_text[number++] = "Those are the money beets."
random_text[number++] = "Mrs. Allen is our most important client... because every client is our most important client. Even though she's a pretty unimportant client, really."
random_text[number++] = "Not important. Because you're not dating her. Because it's a felony."
random_text[number++] = "May I point out that the sex appeared to be consensual? Both animals were smiling."
random_text[number++] = "Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doin' a goat, couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right."
random_text[number++] = "I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable."
random_text[number++] = "Yeah, well I'm calling the Ungrateful Bi-atch Hotline!"
random_text[number++] = "By now you are probably sick of hearing about Dunder Mifflin and our embarrassing watermark boner."
random_text[number++] = "Uh, you could never withstand a SWAT team."
random_text[number++] = "If I could leave you with one thought, remember... it wasn't me."
random_text[number++] = "If I am fired, I swear to God, that every single piece of copier paper in this town is going to have the F-word on it. The F-word. You have one day."
random_text[number++] = "I feel terrible about Debbie Brown. She got fired because of Dwight."
random_text[number++] = "Ah-luh-luh, a little comment. Muh."
random_text[number++] = "Hey, Karen, wanna get t-together later and have sexual intercourse cause you're my girlfriend?"
random_text[number++] = "MAGIC MAGIC Magic Magic magic magic..."
random_text[number++] = "And now, Michael the Magic, will attempt to escape from extreme bondage."
random_text[number++] = "Separately, on an unrelated note, if you happen to find a small brass key..."
random_text[number++] = "Ready? Come on guys. Early worm gets the worm."
random_text[number++] = "Another worm? Like, are they friends?"
random_text[number++] = "Let me smell. ... Good, not great."
random_text[number++] = "So, look out world, cause ol' Pammy is getting what she wants. And, don't call me Pammy."
random_text[number++] = "Only really good friends show up early. Ergo de facto. Go to a party really early. Become a really good friend."
random_text[number++] = "It's been sitting in my car all day. Sun beating down on the mayonnaise. Just, you never know."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, you know that line on the top of the shrimp? That's feces."
random_text[number++] = "Downside? I, uh, date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star."
random_text[number++] = "Why is this so hard? That's what she said. Oh my God. What am I saying?"
random_text[number++] = "Do you ever watch Battlestar Galactica? No? Then you are an idiot."
random_text[number++] = "I'm the only one left. Everyone else was either fired or quit. And there is one in Anger Management."
random_text[number++] = "I run a small fake ID company from my car with a laminating machine I swiped from the sheriff's station."
random_text[number++] = "Why are we going in the bathroom? I thought this is where you liked your privacy."
random_text[number++] = "Oh good, you're up. Hey, who makes this chair?"
random_text[number++] = "I found some termite damage in a crawl space and some structural flaws in the foundation so all in all, it was a pretty fun cocktail party."
random_text[number++] = "I want the house, Jan. I want the picket fence. I want the ketchup fights and the tickling, and the giggling."
random_text[number++] = "Don't break up you guys, you're great together."
random_text[number++] = "I'm gonna kill Jim Halpert."
random_text[number++] = "OK, I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disadulation."
random_text[number++] = "I think I just got flashed."
random_text[number++] = "OK, I'll call the real police."
random_text[number++] = "The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what's all the fuss?"
random_text[number++] = "If that's flashing, then lock me up."
random_text[number++] = "Um... I mean did he even see Pam? Or, uh... Karen from behind?"
random_text[number++] = "Oh, come on. We are laughing at Phyllis, but she's not even here, so no harm, no foul."
random_text[number++] = "Uh-huh. Prove it. Let's see your penis. ... ... I... you know, as that was coming out of my mouth, I knew that it was wrong."
random_text[number++] = "And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop. Although last time... she pretended she didn't hear me."
random_text[number++] = "For example, Jan and I have a safe word in case things go too far. Foliage. "
random_text[number++] = "Better 1,000 innocent men are locked up than one guilty man roam free."
random_text[number++] = "There are several penises there I'd love Phyllis to run her eyes over. You know, see if we can catch this pervert."
random_text[number++] = "Dwight, are those your pants? That's a Polaroid. "
random_text[number++] = "And I know... I know what you're thinking. [Pam nods] Won't that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take."
random_text[number++] = "Phallus?"
random_text[number++] = "Phyllis, sorry. I've got penises on the brain. Back to work, everybody."
random_text[number++] = "Especially if it had been Jim. He would not have wanted me to have seen Jim's... Whoo, I am... I am saying a lot of things."
random_text[number++] = "Attention. I am removing all bananas from the kitchen."
random_text[number++] = "If Pam wants to show more cleavage, she should be able to. I encourage that."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, I don't know, James. Did I come from a woman? Have I slept with a woman? More than one?"
random_text[number++] = "Those are collectible action figures and they're worth more than your car."
random_text[number++] = "You know what? I am the expert. I will conduct it. I know the crap out of women."
random_text[number++] = "Nobody likes to be flashed. When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party, I nearly vomited."
random_text[number++] = "Even the hot ones aren't really that skinny."
random_text[number++] = "No. I'm being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist."
random_text[number++] = "Michael. When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian."
random_text[number++] = "My car, my rules."
random_text[number++] = "I think you mean a girl's locker room. And in the fantasy, there's usually girls in it."
random_text[number++] = "Many women are competent drivers."
random_text[number++] = "This is what we know'."
random_text[number++] = "I figured. It's cool. I don't <20> I wouldn't want to be in an office relationship anyway."
random_text[number++] = "What is a Pap smear? Or is it 'shmear?' Like the cream cheese."
random_text[number++] = "Awesome. Um, awful, I mean. But, uh, sometimes awesome."
random_text[number++] = "I just... I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress."
random_text[number++] = "Sometimes, the clothes at GapKids are just too flashy. So I'm forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls."
random_text[number++] = "Jan says anything that doesn't scare us is not worth doing."
random_text[number++] = "I don't know. Maybe we're different people. I like cuddling and spooning and she likes videotaping us during sex."
random_text[number++] = "And then watching it back right afterward to improve my form."
random_text[number++] = "No, it's not that bad. The worst part is that she shows it to her therapist and they discuss it."
random_text[number++] = "You guys... what are we gonna do about Jan?"
random_text[number++] = "Breasts: not anything to write home about. Insecure about body. I'm unhappy when I'm with her. Flat-chested."
random_text[number++] = "She's totally flat. Shrunken chesticles."
random_text[number++] = "But... for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked."
random_text[number++] = "I'm a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing. I like to go in the women's room for number two. I've been caught several times and I have paid dearly."
random_text[number++] = "You know what, I would love to buy you a fresh set of underwear."
random_text[number++] = "Do you have a... a crescent? A crescent Allan?"
random_text[number++] = "Dunder-Mifflin paper/sex predator hotline, this is Dwight Schrute."
random_text[number++] = "Not it. I don't have eggs."
random_text[number++] = "About 40 times a year, Michael gets really sick, but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, is it possible you ate food that contained animal waste?"
random_text[number++] = "It was never my intention to ruin a life. But you know what? Sometimes... you just gots to get your freak on."
random_text[number++] = "May God guide you in your quest."
random_text[number++] = "Michael is taking the whole office to the beach. So I'm wearing my bathing suit underneath my shirt. Oh, yeah... I packed it in my purse."
random_text[number++] = "Oscar, you brought your Speedo, I assume?"
random_text[number++] = "Well, you can't swim in leather pants. I'm just yankin' your chain. Not literally."
random_text[number++] = "I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head."
random_text[number++] = "I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted."
random_text[number++] = "If you don't like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus."
random_text[number++] = "I hope there will be management parables."
random_text[number++] = "Jim Halpert. Pros: smart, cool, good-looking. Remind you of anybody you know?"
random_text[number++] = "Dwight is an obvious candidate for my job. He has the best sales record in the office. He loves the work. He is, however, an idiot."
random_text[number++] = "No, the blue team."
random_text[number++] = "Andy Bernard. Pros: He's classy. He gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him."
random_text[number++] = "There's already a twist, you're carrying an egg on a spoon."
random_text[number++] = "I see these contests as an opportunity for me to demonstrate what a good sport I am. Mallard!"
random_text[number++] = "There's nothing better than a beautiful day at the beach, filled with sun, surf, and uh... diligent note-taking."
random_text[number++] = "Just eat it, eat it, Phyllis. Dip it in the water so it'll slide down your gullet more easily."
random_text[number++] = "The winner gets a regional manager's salary for a year, and a Sebring, and the feeling that they are making a difference in the world."
random_text[number++] = "I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than work for somebody else in this office besides myself. Game on!"
random_text[number++] = "Nobody told me we were going to have hot dogs!"
random_text[number++] = "Now I am saying sabotage. The ancient Dutch art of screwing up your own team."
random_text[number++] = "If Michael organizes some kind of group hug, stand next to me."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, my God. I have never seen that look in a man's eyes... ever. I thought that I might die. On beach day."
random_text[number++] = "I think I might try girls for a while. Angela thinks I can cross over. We'll see."
random_text[number++] = "Angela, it's pretty simple! Look at what I'm doing and go tell somebody about it!"
random_text[number++] = "At various times you gave Jim ten points, Dwight a gold star, and Stanley a thumbs up. And I don't really know how to compare those units."
random_text[number++] = "How so? I mean... sure thing, that sounds smart... I can't do this anymore! I'm goin' to sit in the bus."
random_text[number++] = "I'm gonna do it. And I fully expect to burn my feet and go to the hospital."
random_text[number++] = "Hello? Who's there? My name is Andrew Bernard, I was with a group called Dunder Mifflin. Hello?"
random_text[number++] = "Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And now we're not even friends."
random_text[number++] = "What's different about you? You look worse."
random_text[number++] = "What's up, Big Haircut? You are no longer Big Tuna. From henceforth, you shall be known as Big Haircut."
random_text[number++] = "Karen suggested that I get a haircut for the interview tomorrow so that I could look presentable and not, as she so lovingly puts it, homeless."
random_text[number++] = "Pam is... kind of a bitch."
random_text[number++] = "Convoys are really fun. Pull up next to each other, give each other the finger... Moon each other."
random_text[number++] = "Are you kidding? I would have never done that. It was pathetic-ville. No offense, Pam."
random_text[number++] = "You know what? Don't even worry about it. Everyone was so drunk, I bet no one even remembers what you said."
random_text[number++] = "www.creedthoughts.gov.www/creedthoughts. Check it out."
random_text[number++] = "I sold it on eBay. The buyer was very motivated, as was I. It went for eighty percent of what I paid. Sold in record time."
random_text[number++] = "My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified."
random_text[number++] = "Pam, Defcon ten. Houston, we have a problem."
random_text[number++] = "Weird. Yeah, I didn't get both of your messages."
random_text[number++] = "No, it's fine. I'm sure it must have been weird for Jim when Roy and I were joking around... that one time."
random_text[number++] = "I would never do that. Waste of money. In my experience, guys are way more attracted to the back of you than the front."
random_text[number++] = "I am gonna be your new boss. It's my greatest dream come true. Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check in time is now. Check out time is never."
random_text[number++] = "No. And the sheets are made of fire."
random_text[number++] = "Sorry, we're all booked up. Hell convention in town."
random_text[number++] = "You're not the manager even in your own fantasy?"
random_text[number++] = "I'm the owner. The co-owner. With Satan!"
random_text[number++] = "Okay, just so I understand it, in your wildest fantasy you are in Hell and you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil?"
random_text[number++] = "I love fake boobs. Often times, you find them on strippers."
random_text[number++] = "I find it offensive. Au natural, baby. That's how I like 'em. Swing low, sweet chariots."
random_text[number++] = "I'll tell you this, it is not because of the boob job. Excuse me, boob enhancement."
random_text[number++] = "That would be shallow. And this is the opposite of shallow. This is... emotionally magnificent."
random_text[number++] = "Cause I am what I am. ... That's Popeye."
random_text[number++] = "I agree. But in another way, I am off to a very good start, wouldn't you say?"
random_text[number++] = "I am a great interviewee. Why? Because I have something no one else has: my brain. Which I use to my advantage, when advantageous."
random_text[number++] = "Your advice was good, but Jan's was bigger."
random_text[number++] = "That is Beardy."
random_text[number++] = "Just say, 'I want to squeeze them.' It's code. She'll know what it means."
random_text[number++] = "I learned from Jim, if Dwight ever asks you to accept something secret... you reply, 'Absolutely, I do.'"
random_text[number++] = "So ten thousand of your dollars is worth one real dollar?"
random_text[number++] = "There's a new sheriff here in these offices, and his name is 'me.'"
random_text[number++] = "In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley Nickels if you never talk to me again."
random_text[number++] = "What's the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks?"
random_text[number++] = "The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns."
random_text[number++] = "Is it because of these?"
random_text[number++] = "Hey! You're<i/> unstable!"
random_text[number++] = "David, I did not tell her."
random_text[number++] = "I could wear stretch pants and wait for you to come home at 5:15. It could work. This could work, really!"
random_text[number++] = "Why is my office black?"
random_text[number++] = "So I'm back. And I am never, ever going to leave. I am going nowhere."
random_text[number++] = "This place... is like... the hospital where I was born, my house, my old age home, and my... graveyard... for my bones."
random_text[number++] = "But, uh, until then... I can hold my head up. ... I'm not gay."
random_text[number++] = "Pam. Sorry. Um, are you free for dinner tonight?"
random_text[number++] = "All right. Then... it's a date."
random_text[number++] = "I'm sorry, what was the question?"
random_text[number++] = "Oh no, it's bad. It's real bad. It's like eating a hot circle of garbage."
random_text[number++] = "No, you don't even know what stupid is. It's about to get all stupid up in here!"
random_text[number++] = "Stanley, could you look up 'accomplices'?"
random_text[number++] = "I'm not kidnapping him, I'm keeping him until I get what I want."
random_text[number++] = "Yes, is Alfredo there? Can I speak to a manager then?"
random_text[number++] = "We're all accomplices now anyway, so we figured we might as well eat."
random_text[number++] = "We would like to order some good pizza, from Alfredo's Pizza Cafe, while we wait for the hostage situation with the bad pizza to end."
random_text[number++] = "I stole it!"
random_text[number++] = "If anyone out there is listening, I'm being held here against my will. I'm a minor."
random_text[number++] = "If you're going number one you've got ten more seconds!"
random_text[number++] = "Oh my God, oh my God, no, no, no. I kidnapped a kid."
random_text[number++] = "Take a chance on me, that's all I ask of you Angela."
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<p><a href="/">Home</a><br />
<a href="/contactMe.php">Contact Me</a><br />
<a href="/topQuotes.php">Top Quotes</a><br />
<a href="/fanLove.php">Fan Love</a><br />
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<p><u><b>Season I</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no1-01.php">Pilot</a><br />
02. <a href="/no1-02.php">Diversity Day</a><br />
03. <a href="/no1-03.php">Health Care</a><br />
04. <a href="/no1-04.php">The Alliance</a><br />
05. <a href="/no1-05.php">Basketball</a><br />
06. <a href="/no1-06.php">Hot Girl</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season II</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no2-01.php">The Dundies</a><br />
02. <a href="/no2-02.php">Sexual Harassment</a><br />
03. <a href="/no2-03.php">Office Olympics</a><br />
04. <a href="/no2-04.php">The Fire</a><br />
05. <a href="/no2-05.php">Halloween</a><br />
06. <a href="/no2-06.php">The Fight</a><br />
07. <a href="/no2-07.php">The Client</a><br />
08. <a href="/no2-08.php">Performance Review</a><br />
09. <a href="/no2-09.php">E-mail Surveillance</a><br />
10. <a href="/no2-10.php">Christmas Party</a><br />
11. <a href="/no2-11.php">Booze Cruise</a><br />
12. <a href="/no2-12.php">The Injury</a><br />
13. <a href="/no2-13.php">The Secret</a><br />
14. <a href="/no2-14.php">The Carpet</a><br />
15. <a href="/no2-15.php">Boys and Girls</a><br />
16. <a href="/no2-16.php">Valentine&#8217;s Day</a><br />
17. <a href="/no2-17.php">Dwight&#8217;s Speech</a><br />
18. <a href="/no2-18.php">Take Your Daughter to Work Day</a><br />
19. <a href="/no2-19.php">Michael&#8217;s Birthday</a><br />
20. <a href="/no2-20.php">Drug Testing</a><br />
21. <a href="/no2-21.php">Conflict Resolution</a><br />
22. <a href="/no2-22.php">Casino Night</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season III</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no3-01.php">Gay Witch Hunt</a><br />
02. <a href="/no3-02.php">The Convention</a><br />
03. <a href="/no3-03.php">The Coup</a><br />
04. <a href="/no3-04.php">Grief Counseling</a><br />
05. <a href="/no3-05.php">Initiation</a><br />
06. <a href="/no3-06.php">Diwali</a><br />
07. <a href="/no3-07.php">Branch Closing</a><br />
08. <a href="/no3-08.php">The Merger</a><br />
09. <a href="/no3-09.php">The Convict</a><br />
10. <a href="/no3-10.php">A Benihana Christmas</a><br />
11. <a href="/no3-11.php">Back From Vacation</a><br />
12. <a href="/no3-12.php">Traveling Salesmen</a><br />
13. <a href="/no3-13.php">The Return</a><br />
14. <a href="/no3-14.php">Ben Franklin</a><br />
15. <a href="/no3-15.php">Phyllis&#8217; Wedding</a><br />
16. <a href="/no3-16.php">Business School</a><br />
17. <a href="/no3-17.php">Cocktails</a><br />
18. <a href="/no3-18.php">The Negotiation</a><br />
19. <a href="/no3-19.php">Safety Training</a><br />
20. <a href="/no3-20.php">Product Recall</a><br />
21. <a href="/no3-21.php">Women&#8217;s Appreciation</a><br />
22. <a href="/no3-22.php">Beach Games</a><br />
23. <a href="/no3-23.php">The Job</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season IV</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no4-01.php">Fun Run</a><br />
02. <a href="/no4-02.php">Dunder Mifflin Infinity</a><br />
03. <a href="/no4-03.php">Launch Party</a><br />
04. <a href="/no4-04.php">Money</a><br />
05. <a href="/no4-05.php">Local Ad</a><br />
06. <a href="/no4-06.php">Branch Wars</a><br />
07. <a href="/no4-07.php">Survivor Man</a><br />
08. <a href="/no4-08.php">The Deposition</a><br />
09. <a href="/no4-09.php">Dinner Party</a><br />
10. <a href="/no4-10.php">Chair Model</a><br />
11. <a href="/no4-11.php">Night Out</a><br />
12. <a href="/no4-12.php">Did I Stutter?</a><br />
13. <a href="/no4-13.php">Job Fair</a><br />
14. <a href="/no4-14.php">Goodbye Toby</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season V</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no5-01.php">Weight Loss</a><br />
02. <a href="/no5-02.php">Business Ethics</a><br />
03. <a href="/no5-03.php">Baby Shower</a><br />
04. <a href="/no5-04.php">Crime Aid</a><br />
05. <a href="/no5-05.php">Employee Transfer</a><br />
06. <a href="/no5-06.php">Customer Survey</a><br />
07. <a href="/no5-07.php">Business Trip</a><br />
08. <a href="/no5-08.php">Frame Toby</a><br />
09. <a href="/no5-09.php">The Surplus</a><br />
10. <a href="/no5-10.php">Moroccan Christmas</a><br />
11. <a href="/no5-11.php">The Duel</a><br />
12. <a href="/no5-12.php">Prince Family Paper</a><br />
13. <a href="/no5-13.php">Stress Relief</a><br />
14. <a href="/no5-14.php">Lecture Circuit 1</a><br />
15. <a href="/no5-15.php">Lecture Circuit 2</a><br />
16. <a href="/no5-16.php">Blood Drive</a><br />
17. <a href="/no5-17.php">Golden Ticket</a><br />
18. <a href="/no5-18.php">New Boss</a><br />
19. <a href="/no5-19.php">Two Weeks</a><br />
20. <a href="/no5-20.php">Dream Team</a><br />
21. <a href="/no5-21.php">Michael Scott Paper Company</a><br />
22. <a href="/no5-22.php">Heavy Competition</a><br />
23. <a href="/no5-23.php">Broke</a><br />
24. <a href="/no5-24.php">Casual Friday</a><br />
25. <a href="/no5-25.php">Cafe Disco</a><br />
26. <a href="/no5-26.php">Company Picnic</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season VI</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no6-01.php">Gossip</a><br />
02. <a href="/no6-02.php">The Meeting</a><br />
03. <a href="/no6-03.php">The Promotion</a><br />
04. <a href="/no6-04.php">Niagara</a><br />
05. <a href="/no6-05.php">Mafia</a><br />
06. <a href="/no6-06.php">The Lover</a><br />
07. <a href="/no6-07.php">Koi Pond</a><br />
08. <a href="/no6-08.php">Double Date</a><br />
09. <a href="/no6-09.php">Murder</a><br />
10. <a href="/no6-10.php">Shareholder Meeting</a><br />
11. <a href="/no6-11.php">Scott&#8217;s Tots</a><br />
12. <a href="/no6-12.php">Secret Santa</a><br />
13. <a href="/no6-13.php">The Banker</a><br />
14. <a href="/no6-14.php">Sabre</a><br />
15. <a href="/no6-15.php">Manager and Salesman</a><br />
16. <a href="/no6-16.php">The Delivery</a><br />
17. <a href="/no6-17.php">St. Patrick&#8217;s Day</a><br />
18. <a href="/no6-18.php">New Leads</a><br />
19. <a href="/no6-19.php">Happy Hour</a><br />
20. <a href="/no6-20.php">Secretary&#8217;s Day</a><br />
21. <a href="/no6-21.php">Body Language</a><br />
22. <a href="/no6-22.php">The Cover-Up</a><br />
23. <a href="/no6-23.php">The Chump</a><br />
24. <a href="/no6-24.php">Whistleblower</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season VII</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no7-01.php">Nepotism</a><br />
02. <a href="/no7-02.php">Counseling</a><br />
03. <a href="/no7-03.php">Andy&#8217;s Play</a><br />
04. <a href="/no7-04.php">Sex Ed</a><br />
05. <a href="/no7-05.php">The Sting</a><br />
06. <a href="/no7-06.php">Costume Contest</a><br />
07. <a href="/no7-07.php">Christening</a><br />
08. <a href="/no7-08.php">Viewing Party</a><br />
09. <a href="/no7-09.php">WUPHF.com</a><br />
10. <a href="/no7-10.php">China</a><br />
11. <a href="/no7-11.php">Classy Christmas</a><br />
12. <a href="/no7-12.php">Ultimatum</a><br />
13. <a href="/no7-13.php">The Seminar</a><br />
14. <a href="/no7-14.php">The Search</a><br />
15. <a href="/no7-15.php">PDA</a><br />
16. <a href="/no7-16.php">Threat Level Midnight</a><br />
17. <a href="/no7-17.php">Todd Packer</a><br />
18. <a href="/no7-18.php">Garage Sale</a><br />
19. <a href="/no7-19.php">Trainin Day</a><br />
20. <a href="/no7-20.php">Michael&#8217;s Last Dundies</a><br />
21. <a href="/no7-21.php">Goodbye Michael</a><br />
22. <a href="/no7-22.php">The Inner Circle</a><br />
23. <a href="/no7-23.php">Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager</a><br />
24. <a href="/no7-24.php">Search Committee</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season VIII</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no8-01.php">The List</a><br />
02. <a href="/no8-02.php">The Incentive</a><br />
03. <a href="/no8-03.php">Lotto</a><br />
04. <a href="/no8-04.php">Garden Party</a><br />
05. <a href="/no8-05.php">Spooked</a><br />
06. <a href="/no8-06.php">Doomsday</a><br />
07. <a href="/no8-07.php">Pam&#8217;s Replacement</a><br />
08. <a href="/no8-08.php">Gettysburg</a><br />
09. <a href="/no8-09.php">Mrs. California</a><br />
10. <a href="/no8-10.php">Christmas Wishes</a><br />
11. <a href="/no8-11.php">Trivia</a><br />
12. <a href="/no8-12.php">Pool Party</a><br />
13. <a href="/no8-13.php">Jury Duty</a><br />
14. <a href="/no8-14.php">Special Project</a><br />
15. <a href="/no8-15.php">Tallahasse</a><br />
16. <a href="/no8-16.php">After Hours</a><br />
17. <a href="/no8-17.php">Test the Store</a><br />
18. <a href="/no8-18.php">Last Day In Florida</a><br />
19. <a href="/no8-19.php">Get The Girl</a><br />
20. <a href="/no8-20.php">Welcome Party</a><br />
21. <a href="/no8-21.php">Angry Andy</a><br />
22. <a href="/no8-22.php">Fundraiser</a><br />
23. <a href="/no8-23.php">Turf War</a><br />
24. <a href="/no8-24.php">Free Family Portrait Studio</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season IX</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no9-01.php">New Guys</a><br />
02. <a href="/no9-02.php">Roy&#8217;s Wedding</a><br />
03. <a href="/no9-03.php">Andy&#8217;s Ancestry</a><br />
04. <a href="/no9-04.php">Work Bus</a><br />
05. <a href="/no9-05.php">Here Comes Treble</a><br />
06. <a href="/no9-06.php">The Boat</a><br />
07. <a href="/no9-07.php">The Whale</a><br />
08. <a href="/no9-08.php">The Target</a><br />
09. <a href="/no9-09.php">Dwight Christmas</a><br />
10. <a href="/no9-10.php">Lice</a><br />
11. <a href="/no9-11.php">Suit Warehouse</a><br />
12. <a href="/no9-12.php">Customer Loyalty</a><br />
13. <a href="/no9-13.php">Junior Salesman</a><br />
14. <a href="/no9-14.php">Vandalism</a><br />
15. <a href="/no9-15.php">Couples Discount</a><br />
16. <a href="/no9-16.php">Moving On</a><br />
17. <a href="/no9-17.php">The Farm</a><br />
18. <a href="/no9-18.php">Promos</a><br />
19. <a href="/no9-19.php">Stairmageddon</a><br />
20. <a href="/no9-20.php">Paper Airplane</a><br />
21. <a href="/no9-21.php">Livin&#8217; The Dream</a><br />
22. <a href="/no9-22.php">A.A.R.M</a><br />
23. <a href="/no9-23.php">Finale</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Other</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><a href="/webisodes.php">Webisodes &#8211; The Accountants</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-kevinsLoan.php">Webisodes &#8211; Kevin&#8217;s Loan</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-subtleSexuality.php">Webisodes &#8211; Subtle Sexuality</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-the3rdfloor.php">Webisodes &#8211; The 3rd floor</a><br />
<a href="/creedThoughts.php">Creed Thoughts</a><br />
<a href="/schruteSpace.php">Schrute Space</a></p>
</div>
</aside>
</div>
<main id="main" class="col-md-6 site-main" role="main">
<article id="post-237" class="post-237 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-uncategorized">
<header class="entry-header">
<h1 class="entry-title">Season 9 &#8211; Episode 23 &#8220;Finale&#8221;</h1>
<div class="entry-meta">
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</header><!-- .entry-header -->
<div class="entry-content">
<p>Written by Greg Daniels <br />Directed by Ken Kwapis <br />Original Air Date: May 16, 2013 <br />Transcribed by Jason Cagle </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> The documentary series finished airing ages ago. Why is PBS sending another crew? <br /><b>Camera<br /><b>Man:</b></b> We’re getting bonus footage for the DVD. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> pff, Nobody buys DVDs anymore. <br /><b>Camera<br /><b>Man:</b></b> It’ll be a pledge gift. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> PBS. The propaganda wing of Bill and Melinda Gates and viewers like you. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> In the past year, I have consolidated the entire Scranton paper market. We regained the white pages, the school district, Lackawanna county. We supply them all. I’m getting married tomorrow afternoon, and in the morning, there’s a mini-reunion. A kind of a “where are they now” panel at a local theatre. It’ll be nice to see everyone again. [laughs] I haven’t seen Kevin since we let him go. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> [mimicking trumpet] Today marks several important milestones. Stanley, as you know, is retiring. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> Yes! Whoo, whoo, whoo! <br /><b>Stanley:</b> Ah, I’ve been looking forward to this day since I was 18 years old. <br /><b>Meredith:</b> Speech! <br /><b>Dwight:</b> No! And our next and most thickly frosted cake is…for…Kevin. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> Yes! Wait, why? <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Go ahead and just read the frosting. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> “Get out.” <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Uh-huh. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> What does that mean? <br /><b>Dwight:</b> It’s a colloquial way of saying “you’re fired,” Kevin, which you are. <br /><b>Pam:</b> What? Dwight, you can’t do that. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> The cake has spoken Pam. Sorry. <br /><b>All:</b> What?! <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Well if anyone here can make a case for Kevin staying. <br /><b>All:</b> Dwight…[overlapping objections] <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Based…on his merit. <br /><b>Oscar:</b> Ooh. <br /><b>Jim:</b> Umm…. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> I’m…good. <br /><b>Pam:</b> Well, Toby will stop it. Anytime anyone’s ever been fired, Toby’s blocked it, so… <br /><b>Toby:</b> Yeah. Yeah, I don’t think… <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Toby, wait. Wait. Hold that thought. Here’s your cake. [squirts frosting on the top] Bye, bye Toby. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> [crying] At least I got chocolate. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> I bike to work now. Saves on gas, cheaper than a vasectomy and, uh, oh, yeah, it’s good for the environment too. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Pam and I are great. She just recently finished her mural for the Irish cultural center. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Crowd:</b> Whoo! Yeah <br /><b>Jim:</b> [to Cici] Can you clap! Can you clap for mom? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> And Dwight is imitating Japanese business practices for reasons he explained to us in Japanese. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> [whispering] Angela, are you ready for the wedding? <br /><b>Angela:</b> [whispering] Yes. My heart is so open, I am so at peace. [scoffs] Look at Meredith. She’s disgusting. Those feet. They’re like the paws of an orangutan. <br /><b>Pam:</b> I think she looks good. Now that she’s wearing sports bras, we don’t see her boobs as much. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> That is all. Have a good morning. <br /><b>Meredith:</b> Thank you. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> [after Angela kisses Dwight] What was that for? <br /><b>Angela:</b> [laughing] To remind you that our wedding’s gonna be wonderful. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Ah. I know. It just feels so empty with so many of the old gang gone. <br /><b>Angela:</b> D, it’s gonna be perfect. The only people that need to be there are you and me. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Oh, and the old man to feed us the cheese that he’s been fermenting since the day of my birth. You keep forgetting about him. <br /><b>Angela:</b> I don’t…I don’t know why. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> I brought in some new faces, and one old. I always like Devon. I hired him back after Creed faked his own death in the baler the day after the doc aired. The only person he fooled was Kevin. Then the police showed up. Turns out, Creed was in the band “The Grass Roots” in the 1960’s. During that time, the police say he sold drugs and trafficked in endangered species meat and stole weapons-grade LSD from the military. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Phyllis:</b> Oh, some fudge? <br /><b>Malcolm:</b> Oh, thanks. I love your fudge. <br /><b>Phyllis:</b> Thanks. <br /><b>Malcolm:</b> I think I gained a couple of pounds since I got here. <br /><b>Phyllis:</b> [laughing] Oh, you can afford it. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Phyllis:</b> After 16 years, it’s strange sitting across from somebody who isn’t Stanley. But…he’ll get there. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Okay, the limo’s gonna be here at five. I need everybody to be ready ‘cause I want to pack in a lot. <br /><b>Zeke:</b> Party time! Whorehouse! <br /><b>Jim:</b> Uh, no. No whorehouse. This is Dwight’s night, okay? <br /><b>Zeke:</b> Well, you’re the bestisch mensch. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Dwight has made me his bestisch mensch. Which is Schrute for best man. He’s putting himself entirely in my hands tonight. And I know for over 12 years I’ve done nothing but trick and prank him but tonight…only good surprises. “Guten Pranken”. [chuckles] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> Oh hey, Jim. I forgot to mention. Oftentimes, in Hollywood portrayals of bachelor parties, there are accidental murders. That won’t be necessary tonight. <br /><b>Clark:</b> Great, now we got three hours to fill. <br /><b>Jim:</b> Okay, hold on. Are you sure Mose isn’t going to show up? <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Ever since Angela moved in and Mose had to stop sleeping at the foot of my bed, he’s been acting pretty weird about this whole wedding thing. <br /><b>Jim:</b> Mose has been weird? That’s so unlike him. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Andy:</b> Yeah, sure, I’ll talk about it. Why not? American’s next A Cappella Sensation aired my audition. And when I started sobbing uncontrollably, apparently that struck a chord with quite a lot of people. Not a very compassionate chord. The clip went viral, as they say </div>
<div class="quote"> [on computer] <br /><b>Casey Dean:</b> You can’t just sit here and cry. <br /><b>Andy:</b> Oh, I can so just sit here and cry! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Andy:</b> Two million hits in the first week and then the parodies started. One from the Philippines got 12 million hits. And the late night comedy guys had a field day with it. </div>
<div class="quote"> [SNL Weekend Update] <br /><b>Bill Hader:</b> [fake crying] <br /><b>Seth Mayers:</b> Oh, Don’t. Aw, come on, Baby Wawa. Don’t be such a baby. <br /><b>Bill Hader:</b> [crying and pouring eye drops in his eyes] <br /><b>Seth Mayers:</b> Oh, No. It’s gonna be alright. <br /><b>Bill Hader:</b> [pulling multiple tissues out] <br /><b>Seth Mayers:</b> It’s gonna be all right. For Weekend Update I’m Seth Meyers. That’s Baby Wawa. Good night. <br /><b>Bill Hader:</b> [still crying] Bye! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Andy:</b> After my clip blew up, I actually got a call from the double rainbow guy and the fat Star Wars kid. Turns out they have a support group. [pause] Not really my scene. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Oscar:</b> [on the phone] Years ago, the senator promised a left turn lane by the Arby’s. So I wanna know where in the name of horsey sauce is it? Well, yeah, you…hold on. <br /><b>Dakota:</b> Hi. I keep seeing this symbol in the accounts from last year. It’s..it’s all over the place. I don’t know what it means. <br /><b>Oscar:</b> That’s the reason Kevin got fired. It’s his magic number. He used to use it to balance his accounts. He used to call it a Keleven. He told Dwight, [imitating Kevin] “A mistake plus Keleven gets you home by seven.” He was home by 4:45 that day. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Nellie:</b> Oh, I live in Poland now. The Scranton of the E.U. Thank you for flying me out here for the weekend. I’m looking forward to the reunion panel tomorrow. Can’t wait to see everyone. Well, almost everyone. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Toby:</b> Hello! [laughing] Hello! <br /><b>Nellie:</b> Oh. <br /><b>Toby:</b> Hi! [goes to hug Nellie] <br /><b>Nellie:</b> No. <br /><b>Toby:</b> Oh. [laughs nervously] <br /><b>Nellie:</b> How did you now my plane had arrived? How long have you been stalking me? <br /><b>Toby:</b> Oh, no, no. no. My plane just got in. From New York. Are you still with Piotr? <br /><b>Nellie:</b> No. And I thought I unfriended you. <br /><b>Toby:</b> Anyone can follow a Twitter feed. Wanna share a cab? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Toby:</b> [alone in cab} After Dwight fired me, I moved to New York to write the great American novel. I have six roommates. Heh. Which are better than friends, you know ‘cause they have to give you one month’s notice before they leave. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Andy:</b> Hey-OH! <br /><b>Meredith:</b> Andy? <br /><b>Oscar:</b> You’re back? <br /><b>Andy:</b> Yeah. <br /><b>Malcolm:</b> [whispering to Phyllis] That’s Baby Wawa, right? Oh, my God! <br /><b>Jim:</b> Hey man, good to see you. <br /><b>Andy:</b> Thank you. Yeah, <br /><b>Phyllis:</b> [hugging Andy]. Andy… <br /><b>Andy:</b> Hey! Aw! A bear hug from my favorite mama grizzly. <br /><b>Phyllis:</b> Andy, I’ve been worried about you. How are you? <br /><b>Andy:</b> A little warm. <br /><b>Phyllis:</b> Poor, poor Andy. <br /><b>Andy:</b> [struggling] Okay. Aw. Thank you Phyllis. <br /><b>Darryl:</b> Hello, hello. <br /><b>Jim:</b> Hey! <br /><b>Meredith:</b> Darryl! <br /><b>Andy:</b> Hey! <br /><b>Darryl:</b> Hey, what’s up? <br /><b>Andy:</b> Didn’t I just see you at the airport jumping in a limo? <br /><b>Darryl:</b> What? Must’ve been another devilishly handsome debonair individual. <br /><b>Andy:</b> Hmm. <br /><b>Darryl:</b> Hey, man. How are you doing? I, um…I didn’t call ‘cause I figured you changed the number. <br /><b>Andy:</b> No I didn’t change the number. All good though. Phone never rings. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> What? Ooh! <br /><b>Andy:</b> Surprise! <br /><b>Dwight:</b> I thought you guys couldn’t come. <br /><b>Darryl:</b> Yeah, but then they moved the panel to the same weekend and the Doc crew paid to fly us in. It was kismet. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Kismet? Yeah, right. Pam and I came up with excuses for every other weekend. You remember my two lap band surgeries, right? Neither do I? “Guten Prank” number one. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Darryl:</b> You ready for tonight? We gonna tear up the town? <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Uh, better ask Jim. <br /><b>Jim:</b> And Jim will say nothing. <br /><b>Pam:</b> [enters] Darryl! Andy! <br /><b>Andy:</b> Hey! Pam! <br /><b>Darryl:</b> Hey, Pam! How are you? <br /><b>Pam:</b> We’re fine. Yeah. [hugs both Darryl and Andy] And I’m sure that you guys are fine too. Because why wouldn’t you be? <br /><b>Andy:</b> Mm-hmm. <br /><b>Pam:</b> Darryl, oh, my gosh. How is Austin? Tell me everything. How’s the merger? I feel like I read about Athlead all the time. <br /><b>Darryl:</b> I love it. And it’s Athleap now. And the city is amazing. <br /><b>Jim:</b> Yeah? <br /><b>Darryl:</b> Yeah. Yeah, it’s hot. The music is awesome. And the tacos are…for real. <br /><b>Jim:</b> Wow! That sounds incredible. [checking cell phone]. Oh, guys. Limo’s here. Let’s do this. Change if you need to. <br /><b>Oscar:</b> Whoo, whoo, whoo. <br /><b>Pam:</b> Okay, you guys, have fun. You too, Andy. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Oscar:</b> Yeah! <br /><b>Andy:</b> Aw! <br /><b>Darryl:</b> Woah-Oh! Haven’t been in one of these in forever. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Oscar:</b> They wanted me to go to the bachelorette party with the girls. Really? Such a cliché. I’m a man. So I’m going to the bachelor party with the boys. I just have to remember how I acted before I came out. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Oscar:</b> WASSUUUUP! [laughing] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> Wait, why are we stopping? Jim, this isn’t on the itinerary. <br /><b>Jim:</b> Get out. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Jim…wha… Come on! What…what are you gonna whack me, Jim? <br /><b>Jim:</b> No, Dwight. You’ll be doing the whacking. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> A bazooka. You remembered. <br /><b>Jim:</b> Of course I did. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> [tearful laugh]. Get out of my way. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>All:</b> OH! [all laugh and applaud after Dwight fires the bazooka] <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Woo! Okay! <br /><b>Jim:</b> Yeah! [to camera] Guten Prank number two. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Private Room. <br /><b>Oscar:</b> Yeah, brosef. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Amazing. <br /><b>Jim:</b> Enjoy, enjoy. <br /><b>Guy:</b> Hey, I know you. Are you gonna sit here and cry? <br /><b>Jim:</b> Okay, man, easy. <br /><b>Guy:</b> [fake cries] <br /><b>Jim:</b> Hey, dude, leave him alone. What are you doing? <br /><b>Andy:</b> Jim, it’s fine. He’ll just get you on his cell phone and then that’ll go viral. <br /><b>Darryl:</b> That happens a lot? <br /><b>Andy:</b> Yeah, I guess. But things are going well actually. I spoke at Cornell during commencement week. I mean, the seniors invited me as a joke but it was a huge success. <br /><b>Oscar:</b> Well, I bet it was a smash. <br /><b>Andy:</b> That’s how I got my new job in the admissions office. <br /><b>Oscar:</b> Is that a volunteer program or… <br /><b>Andy:</b> No. It’s a job. Things are going great. <br /><b>Darryl:</b> Let’s get a drink in you, huh? <br /><b>Andy:</b> Yes. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Meredith:</b> Whoo-hoo. Let’s get this party started! <br /><b>Rachel:</b> Where’s my angel. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Angela:</b> This is my big sister Rachel. <br /><b>Rachel:</b> No, this is my big sister Angela. <br /><b>Angela:</b> [laughs] We’re very close. We even have our own special language. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Rachel:</b> [speaks in a special language] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Angela:</b> People love it. <br /><b>Rachel:</b> They do. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> [sighs] Man, how long have we been sitting here? <br /><b>Stripper:</b> Hi, boys! <br /><b>All:</b> Ohh… <br /><b>Clark:</b> Here we go! <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Oh, Thank God. We are famished! <br /><b>Stripper:</b> Hey, did somebody order the chef special? <br /><b>Darryl:</b> Right there. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> No, we haven’t ordered anything. No one’s even taken our drinks. Uh, what is the chef special? [music plays and stripper starts dancing on Dwight] <br /><b>Stripper:</b> I bet you boys have a big appetite. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Oh, we do. So we’ll have an onion loaf for the table, please. And tell us about your heartiest soups. <br /><b>Stripper:</b> Mm, I know what you want. I know exactly what you want. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Yes, an onion loaf for the table but that’s not all. Now the chef special sounded good. What is it exactly? <br /><b>Stripper:</b> Ohh, shh. [places finger over Dwight’s lips] <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Okay, what are you doing? Are you giving me a taste of the chef’s special? Tastes like cigarettes. That won’t work. That’s no good. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Erin:</b> Whoo! <br /><b>Angela:</b> What? [knock at the door] Okay. <br /><b>Pam:</b> Oh, boy. <br /><b>Erin:</b> Oh! <br /><b>Jakey:</b> Heard you guys needed some pipes fixed or cleaned or whatever. <br /><b>Phyllis:</b> Angela’s special repairman is here. <br /><b>Angela:</b> Wait, what is this? <br /><b>Meredith:</b> Shut up. Jakey? <br /><b>Jakey:</b> Mom? <br /><b>Pam:</b> Wait, wait. What? <br /><b>Jakey:</b> Oh, man. <br /><b>Meredith:</b> No, no, no, no. Just do your wok. Pretend mom’s not here. <br /><b>Pam:</b> Uh, that seems inappropriate. <br /><b>Meredith:</b> Give the good show, my little entrepreneur. <br /><b>Jakey:</b> Okay. <br /><b>Meredith:</b> Take it off. [music play]. Yeah! Good song choice, Jakey. Stripper’s only as good as his song. <br /><b>Rachel:</b> oh, wowee wow. <br /><b>Angela:</b> Okay… <br /><b>Pam:</b> Whoo-hoo…go, Meredith’s stripper son. <br /><b>Angela:</b> Rachel, are you all right? <br /><b>Rachel:</b> I don’t know! I don’t know. <br /><b>Angela:</b> Oh geeze. [Jakey starts dancing on Angela]. Oh, my God! <br /><b>Meredith:</b> Be gentle Jakey. Gentle. One second. Just one second. Look. [pushes Jakey aside and starts dancing on Angela] <br /><b>Angela:</b> Okay, if anything, this is rougher. Stop it Meredith. <br /><b>Meredith:</b> Fine. My bad. Go ahead Jakey. <br /><b>Angela:</b> [Jakey resumes dancing] Uh, no. It’s o…thank you. You know what? You don’t have to…oh no, no, no. No, no, no. It’s okay. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> Now, for the last time, I’d like a side salad with balsamic. <br /><b>Clark:</b> Dwight, for the last time, she’s not a waitress. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> You’re telling me! <br /><b>Oscar:</b> If you want her to leave, just tip her. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> What for? We haven’t even gotten bread yet. Does anyone wanna split a twice baked potato? [to the dancing stripper] Do you have those? Those aren’t deep fried, right? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Angela:</b> That was interesting. [creaking sound] What was that? <br /><b>Phyllis:</b> It’s just the wind. <br /><b>Angela:</b> Will you lock the door? <br /><b>Phyllis:</b> Okay. [opens door] It’s just the wind, see? Nothing. <br /><b>Angela:</b> Alright, see, you don’t have to leave the door wide open. We get it. It’s the wind. Just come and shut…[Mose grabs Angela and takes her away] OH! My God! <br /><b>All:</b> [screams] <br /><b>Erin:</b> Phyllis! <br /><b>Rachel:</b> What’s happening? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> Oh, man, never thought I’d say this but I think I ate too much bone marrow. [phone rings] <br /><b>Jim:</b> Oh, it’s the girls. Hey Pam. What? Angela’s been kidnapped! Phyllis left the door open and some freak came and grabbed her and fled. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Good old Mose. [laughing] <br /><b>Jim:</b> They think it was Mose. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Oh, great. He’s getting into the spirit of the festivities. Fantastic. He just pulled off a Braut Entfuhrung. <br /><b>Oscar:</b> What is that? <br /><b>Dwight:</b> A ceremonial bridal kidnapping. He will take the bride and hide her at a local pub and when I find the place, I have to buy everyone drinks. Ah, all right! Oh Mose. <br /><b>Jim:</b> Wait a minute. You said the tradition is for the groom is search for her and it ends at a pub. So how about the last pub you’d ever set foot in in this town? <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Right. Which one is that? <br /><b>Jim:</b> Mm, hey driver. Why don’t you take us to 3030 Adams? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Is that Mose? <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Yes, it is! I am here for my bride! <br /><b>Mose:</b> Well, first, buy us a drink. <br /><b>All:</b> If you want your bride, buy us a drink! If you want your bride, buy us a drink. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Very well! Drinks on me! Bartender! [Kevin turns around] Oh. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> Well, well, well, well, well, well. That’s six “wells.” Did I get that number right, Dwight? <br /><b>Dwight:</b> I heard you bought a bar, Kevin. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> Yes. I did. This one. Now get out! <br /><b>Dwight:</b> [to Mose] Why did you pick this place? [Mose points to Jim] <br /><b>Jim:</b> Ooh. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> You? You did this as a prank. My own Bestich Mensch. <br /><b>Jim:</b> Nope, not a prank. I think it’s time for you to bury the hatchet. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Waste of a good hatchet. <br /><b>Jim:</b> Okay, just talk. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> Well, w… <br /><b>Dwight:</b> I heard you say “well” the first time. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> I know Dwight misses Kevin. I saw him make his portrait out of a Wooly Willy. Tomorrow’s his wedding day. You can’t be anything but happy on your wedding day. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> It was nothing personal. It’s just that you were terrible at your job. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> You’re just saying that to make me feel better. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> No really. You were terrible at math and organization, time management, personal hygiene. Your internet searches were so filthy we had to throw our your computer. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> Is that all it was? <br /><b>Dwight:</b> That’s it. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> Come here [hugs Dwight] <br /><b>Dwight:</b> I missed you Kevin. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> I missed you! <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Ohh. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Mose:</b> Guten Prank. <br /><b>Jim:</b> Yes, Mose. Guten Prank number three. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> You’ve had your drink. Now where is my bride? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> Mose! What..ooh, Mose. [Mose opens trunk] <br /><b>Angela:</b> What the [bleep] is your problem you [bleep] [bleep] [bleep]?! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Hey. Hey, is Angela coming or… <br /><b>Dwight:</b> No. We can’t see each other on our wedding day. And her legs are still numb from being in the trunk. <br /><b>Jim:</b> Right. <br /><b>Stanley:</b> Hey guys. <br /><b>All:</b> Stanley! <br /><b>Erin:</b> How’s Florida? <br /><b>Stanley:</b> Oh, great. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Stanley:</b> Yes, I’m living in Florida now. Little town called Florida City, just on the edge of the everglades. The man who delivered my divorce papers came by fan boat which was kinda fun. I sit on my porch all day, carving birds. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Am I the only one that’s nervous? How are you doing with this? Should we have bailed? <br /><b>Pam:</b> No, no, I’m fine. <br /><b>Jim:</b> Doesn’t seem like anyone cares about us anyway. <br /><b>Stanley:</b> I guess this was work being filmed nonstop for nine years. <br /><b>Andy:</b> I’m sorry guys. This is probably on me. I got hated on pretty hard when that auto-tune went viral. </div>
<div class="quote"> Just sit here and cry, just sit here and cry! Oh I can so just sit here and cry. You guys are really mean. It can’t end like this you know. Slept in my car last night, quit my job. Burned all my bridges. And I did unspeakable things – You’re just not good, you’re just not good. – Are you insane? – You’re just not good, you’re just not good. – Chill out! [crying] Just sit here and cry… </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kevin:</b> [watching at his bar] People actually dance to this. It’s in my juke box. None of the money goes to Andy though. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kevin:</b> [laughing] Yeah, people hate you. <br /><b>Andy:</b> I’ll go talk to the manager. Maybe we should just go home. [walks down the hall] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Man:</b> Hey! It’s Andy Bernard! <br /><b>All:</b> Nard Dog! [cheers and claps] Ree-De-De-De-Doo! [repeats] <br /><b>Andy:</b> Ree-De-De-De-Doo! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Man 1:</b> How did it feel to see your lives played out on tv? <br /><b>David Wallace:</b> It’s like seeing a documentary about how your food is made. It’s kinda disgusting. You learn a lot, but I didn’t wanna know any of it. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> With today’s modern surveillance technology we are in a constant state of being watched weather it’s our government or the government of other countries a.k.a. Google. You guys are being filmed way more than we ever were. <br /><b>Pete:</b> Uh, no one recognizes me. But not all my friends call me Plop. So… thanks PBS. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Woman 1:</b> Uh, Jim, that DVD in the last episode was so romantic. And, um, I think we’d all love to know, Pam, what romantic thing did you do to pay Jim back for leaving Athlead? <br /><b>Pam:</b> Well, I mean, How do you pay back someone for something like that? But, uh, I don’t know. I’m working on something. <br /><b>Jim:</b> She pays me back every day just by being my wife so that’s fine. <br /><b>All:</b> Awww. <br /><b>Jim:</b> O-Kay. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Woman 2:</b> All I can say is, if I had Jim, he would have a free pass to do anything. I mean if I lucked into that… he could do anything. Anything. <br /><b>Pam:</b> [pause] I’m sorry. Is there a question? <br /><b>Woman 2:</b> Uh, no. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Man 2:</b> Pam, what was in that teapot letter? <br /><b>Pam:</b> Oh, um, well, you know, I… I just… I just think I would rather keep that private. You know, if you’d been filmed for nine years of your life, there’d be some things that you just wanna keep to yourself. <br /><b>Man 2:</b> I hear ya. What did it say? <br /><b>Moderator:</b> We’re gonna move on. Next question please. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Man 3:</b> Do you find that your life feels pointless now that nobody’s actually filming you anymore? <br /><b>Toby:</b> Yes. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Woman 3:</b> I wanna know how everyone felt they were portrayed. Was it accurate? <br /><b>Meredith:</b> I got a beef with that. Um, for the first seven years, I was getting my PhD in School Psychology and they didn’t show it. Yes, I was getting hammered but, hey, it was college. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Woman 4:</b> I have a question for Jim and Pam. Everyone watching sees how much you love each other and how you’re soul mates. So, Pam, how could you doubt that when Jim moved to Philadelphia? <br /><b>Jim:</b> Um, you know what, I actually didn’t handle that move, uh, very gracefully. From not communicating to being a little selfish. <br /><b>Pam:</b> Listen, um… I was scared, you know? I loved what I had, and I didn’t want to risk it. And I think that maybe I did doubt him a little too. Which was wrong because he’s shown me time and again. But when the documentary started airing, people on the street told me that I had this fairy-tale romance. But there were a lot of times last year where it did not feel like a fairy tale. But then it got deeper, and it got stronger and now it’s better than a fairy tale. It’s like a long book that you never want to end. And you’re fine with that because you just never, ever wanna leave it. <br /><b>Woman 4:</b> Like Harry Potter. <br /><b>Pam:</b> Yeah, like Harry Potter. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Joan:</b> I have a question for Erin. <br /><b>Erin:</b> Really? <br /><b>Joan:</b> Yes. Um, the thing I found most compelling about the documentary was your search for your birth mother. <br /><b>Erin:</b> Thank you. <br /><b>Joan:</b> So my question is, um, do… don’t you hate her? I mean, I would just imagine that you were so angry at her that you would hate her. <br /><b>Erin:</b> Maybe sometimes. But not like “hate” hate. More just like, “Mom, I hate you!” And then she would say “go to your room, young lady.” And I’d stamp my foot and run upstairs and I have a room, which is really cool. And then we’d just have dinner together. But I don’t know. I’d have to meet her. Thanks. <br /><b>Joan:</b> Erin… <br /><b>Erin:</b> Yes? <br /><b>Joan:</b> Um…Oh, Erin.. <br /><b>Erin:</b> Yes? Is there a follow-up question? [realizes] Mom? [they hug] <br /><b>Ed:</b> Erin… Same question but about your dad? [they hug] <br /><b>Moderator:</b> Well, this feels like a good place to stop. Let’s thank all of our wonderful panelists for being here on this wonderful panel today. [audience claps] Next week at the Scranton Cultural Center don’t forget, Irish Step Dancing semifinals. Winning team to Mid-Atlantic. [applause and scattering cheers] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kevin:</b> Where’s the, uh, basket for gifts? <br /><b>Usher:</b> Right there, sir. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> Okay. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dakota:</b> Hi, I’m Dakota. <br /><b>Creed:</b> Jeff Bomondo. I sell ceramic tile out of Newark. <br /><b>Dakota:</b> Nice. <br /><b>Creed:</b> My wife’s name is Kathryn. I can show you my social security card if it helps. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kelly:</b> Uck, Look at all this mud. Can you imagine if I had worn my Jimmy Choos? I just saved you 600 bucks mister. <br /><b>Ravi:</b> Thanks for helping out, sweetie. <br /><b>Ryan:</b> Kelly, you’re here. <br /><b>Kelly:</b> Hey, Ryan! <br /><b>Ryan:</b> Hey. <br /><b>Kelly:</b> Whose baby is this? Oh, are, like, a nanny now? <br /><b>Ryan:</b> No, this little guy is mine. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Ryan:</b> So I was dating this girl, and one day, she went out to get a new charger for her e-cigarette. Never came back. Oldest story in the book. [baby squeals] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Ryan:</b> Say “hi”, Drake. <br /><b>Kelly:</b> Drake is your baby’s name? <br /><b>Ryan:</b> Yeah. <br /><b>Kelly:</b> That is an amazing name. I’m obsessed with Drake. His last album… it just touched me to pieces. <br /><b>Ryan:</b> No Kelly, he’s no named after a hip-hop artist from 2011. It’s Drake, like a mix of Drew and Blake. <br /><b>Kelly:</b> Cool. Well, he is so cute. Ravi, check out this cute baby. I’m obsessed with him. Ravi is a pediatrician and some of his patients are total uggos. <br /><b>Ravi:</b> They’re called premature, sweetie. It’s good to see you again Ryan. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Phyllis:</b> Let me help you us. <br /><b>Angela:</b> Thanks. [knees buckle] Oh. Ouch. <br /><b>Pam:</b> Oh, boy. Maybe your heels are too high. <br /><b>Angela:</b> No, my heels aren&#8217;t too high. It’s because I spent three hours in a car trunk. Thanks for not locking the door when I asked you to, Phyllis. [sighs] Sorry Phyllis. You didn’t know. As long as I can get to the altar. <br /><b>Phyllis:</b> Oh, I’m gonna get you to that altar. You can take that to the bank. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> You ready? <br /><b>Dwight:</b> [chuckles] You kidding? I was born ready. [mimicking heavy metal guitars] <br /><b>Jim:</b> Dwight, Dwight, Dwight. Um… I don’t know how to tell you this, but… we have a little bit of a problem. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Oh, no. What? <br /><b>Jim:</b> The minister just told me that it’s tradition for the Bestish Mensch to be older than the groom. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Oh, come on. I’ve never heard of such a thing. <br /><b>Jim:</b> I haven’t heard of it, obviously. But I’m out because I am significantly younger than you- <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Not… significant is a big word… <br /><b>Jim:</b> I think it’s definitely… Well, okay. Either way… <br /><b>Dwight:</b> I think you’re only a teeny… <br /><b>Jim:</b> Either way, Dwight… I can’t be there for you. I’m sorry. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Jim. <br /><b>Jim:</b> I just…really wish there was something I could do. [looks off] <br /><b>Dwight:</b> [turns around] [whispering] Michael. I can’t believe you came. <br /><b>Michael:</b> That’s what she said. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Best prank ever. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Minister:</b> As it is traditional to the Schrutes, the lovers are standing in their own graves as a reminder that this is the only escape from what they are about to do. <br /><b>Nellie:</b> [to Joan] See, I get what they are trying to do, but why are the graves so shallow? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kevin:</b> [reading] “Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away. For lo, the winter is passed. The rain is over and gone. The time of singing has come and the voice of the turtledove is heard in our land. Let me see your face. Let me hear your voice for your voice is sweet and your face is comely. “ </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Minister:</b> I now pronounce you man and wife. [everyone cheers] Release the doves! [doves do not move right away] <br /><b>Kelly:</b> Oh. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> That’s not… <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you so much for coming. Now, please take your hay bales to the reception. They’ll be used for seating. Complimentary hay hooks are placed alone the aisles. Just stab ‘em on in there. </div>
<div class="quote"> [After Dwight and Angela’s dance] <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Everybody! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> [dancing with Pam. They kiss] See, now you don’t owe me anything. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Ryan:</b> Ravi? Ravi? Drake has a bit of a rash. And he’s hot. <br /><b>Ravi:</b> Oh, no. <br /><b>Ryan:</b> I was wondering could you maybe examine him for a second? <br /><b>Ravi:</b> Oh, yeah, you’re not feeling well little guy? Okay, sure. Should we go inside? <br /><b>Ryan:</b> Actually, could you go inside? I’m feeling a little dehydrated. I could really use a little break, have some water. <br /><b>Ravi:</b> Are you sure you don’t wanna go in? <br /><b>Kelly:</b> Ravi, just do it. That baby is burning up. Isn’t this, like what you live for? Just go. Go. <br /><b>Ryan:</b> Thank you Ravi. Thank you so much. This is great for me and for Drake. Thank you. <br /><b>Kelly:</b> I don’t know, Ryan. Baby Drake didn’t look so good. <br /><b>Ryan:</b> He’ll be fine. I let me suck on a strawberry. He’s allergic but he’ll get over it fast. I had to talk to you. <br /><b>Kelly:</b> You gave your baby an allergic reaction just to talk to me? [they kiss] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Michael has so many pictures of his kids he had to get two phones with two numbers and he pays two bills. <br /><b>Pam:</b> [with Michael] Oh, my gosh, it’s choreographed! <br /><b>Pam:</b> He just so happy to have a family plan. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Ed:</b> Where’d you learn to dance like that? <br /><b>Erin:</b> I don’t know. I’ve just always been really good at dancing. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Toby:</b> [dancing with Pam] [sobbing] <br /><b>Pam:</b> Is it me? Is it Nellie? <br /><b>Toby:</b> [sobbing] It’s everything. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Phyllis:</b> [dancing with Stanley] I missed you. <br /><b>Stanley:</b> I missed you too. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Phyllis:</b> Lots of people think that Stanley Hudson’s a mean old grump. [laughs] But [crying] would a grump make this? It’s me. It’s me. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Ryan:</b> I love you. <br /><b>Kelly:</b> [laughing] I love you too. <br /><b>Ryan:</b> We’re gonna be together forever. <br /><b>Kelly:</b> We’re running off into the sunset. <br /><b>Ryan:</b> I finally mastered commitment. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kevin:</b> [to Oscar] What was that stuff? <br /><b>Ravi:</b> Hey, has anyone seen Ryan… or Kelly? <br /><b>Kevin:</b> Ooh! Yes. Uh, They left together a little while ago. Kelly was hoping that you would keep the baby so they can start a new life together. <br /><b>Ravi:</b> Oh, that’s it. Here. [hands Drake to Kevin] Call child services and report an abandoned baby. We’ll find a better parent than Ryan in no time. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> Oh, I don’t know. <br /><b>Nellie:</b> Um, Kevin? Oh, I can help you with that. Yeah. I mean, I can find someone who will… who will love that beautiful little boy the way he deserves. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> Hey, this is better. [hands Drake to Nellie] <br /><b>Nellie:</b> Yes. It is. Oh yes it is. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Nellie:</b> If Ryan wants his baby back, please tell him where to fine me. We’ll be somewhere in Europe. [looking at Drake] Won’t we? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> [crying] I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Darryl:</b> Thank you go much. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Good night. <br /><b>Toby:</b> Good luck. <br /><b>Val:</b> Great. It was really fun. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Good evening. <br /><b>Val:</b> The Doc crew’s throwing a big after party in the warehouse tonight. <br /><b>Darryl:</b> Yeah, I heard. It sounds kinda lame. [to camera] No offense. You going, Toby? <br /><b>Toby:</b> Oh, I don’t know. I might turn in early. <br /><b>Andy:</b> It’s only 6:00. Come on, everybody’s going. <br /><b>Meredith:</b> You have to go, Toby. <br /><b>Pete:</b> Yeah, come on, Tobes. <br /><b>Val:</b> Come on. <br /><b>Toby:</b> Yeah. I’ll stop by. <br /><b>Pete:</b> There he is! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> I need to get out of this dress. <br /><b>Jim:</b> I gotta get out of this dress. <br /><b>Carol Stills:</b> Oh, I’m sorry Pam. <br /><b>Jim:</b> What’s going on? <br /><b>Pam:</b> [sighs] [whispering] Why are you still here? <br /><b>Carol:</b> [whispering] I’m so sorry. They were an hour late. <br /><b>Jim:</b> No, really, what’s going on? <br /><b>Pam:</b> Okay, Okay. Um… so… this past year has been really great, and you’ve been great and I just… I know that you had to make this choice and you had to give something up for me. But I never want you to have to give up anything. I just thought if I could get us an offer then there wouldn’t be anything standing in our way and I could come to you with this big Jim gesture… and show you all at once just how much I love you and how much I really do believe in your future. <br /><b>Jim:</b> Sorry, how long have you been showing the house? <br /><b>Pam:</b> About 2 months <br /><b>Jim:</b> That’s why it’s so clean. <br /><b>Pam:</b> Yeah. <br /><b>Jim:</b> I mean, you were gonna do this without me? <br /><b>Pam:</b> Well, you… you bought the house without telling me, so I thought I could sell it without telling you. <br /><b>Jim:</b> Oh… okay. Where would we go? <br /><b>Pam:</b> Austin? Maybe. <br /><b>Jim:</b> I promise you, you don’t have to do this for me. <br /><b>Pam:</b> I’m doing it for us. <br /><b>Jim:</b> The last… <br /><b>Buyer:</b> Okay. We’ll take it. <br /><b>Jim:</b> [to the buyer] Hold on a second. [to Pam] The last few months have meant the world to me and all I care about… <br /><b>Pam:</b> Hold on a second. [turning] Wait, what did you just say? <br /><b>Buyer:</b> We wanna buy your house. <br /><b>Jim:</b> You wanna do this? <br /><b>Pam:</b> I wanna do this. <br /><b>Jim:</b> You really want to do this? <br /><b>Pam:</b> I really want to do this! <br /><b>Jim:</b> [hugging Pam] [laughing] Oh my God! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Hey, Darryl. [whispers in his ear] <br /><b>Darryl:</b> What? All right! <br /><b>Pam:</b> We’re so excited. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Phyllis:</b> Cool. <br /><b>Woman:</b> Oh, that’s for PBS executives only. <br /><b>Stanley:</b> I had to pledge $50 to my local PBS station just to get this. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>David Wallace:</b> I think your ideas are fantastic, Oscar. I’d love to contribute to your campaign. <br /><b>Oscar:</b> Thank you David. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Uh, could I please have your attention? So a year ago, I got my first art commission to paint a mural for Dunder Mifflin and I decided to paint the history of paper…,which was just some trees and stuff. And then someone spray painted a bunch of butts on it and I had to start from the beginning. But it all worked out for the best because I think that I’ve painted the perfect thing which is the history of us. All of us. And this is for you Jim. [applause] And go ahead! [drape drops and everyone cheers] <br /><b>Pam:</b> Everyone, Let’s take our picture in front of the mural. Oh, um, I just…I kind of meant just everybody from the office. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Photographer:</b> [taking pictures] Very nice. Just a couple dozen more. Smiles, everybody, smiles. All right, that’s great. I got enough. Thank you, everybody. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> [whispering to Pam] Let’s go outside <br /><b>Pam:</b> Okay. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Stanley:</b> Okay, I need a drink. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> Yeah, we all need a drink. [opening Meredith’s drawer] What the…there’s only dandelion tea and raisins in here. <br /><b>Meredith:</b> Hey, bottom drawer. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> Yes! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> [answering the phone] Dunder Mifflin, This is Pam. Oh, I’m sorry. Jim Halpert doesn’t work here anymore. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> I didn’t watch the whole documentary. After a few episodes, it was too painful. I kept wanting to scream at Pam. It took me so long to do so many important things. It’s just hard to accept that I spent so many years being less happy than I could have been. Jim was 5 feet from my desk and it took me four years to get to him. It’d be great if people saw this documentary and learned from my mistakes. Not that I’m a tragic person. I’m really happy now. But…it would just…just make my heart soar if someone out there saw this and she said to herself “be strong, trust yourself, love yourself. Conquer your fears. Just go after what you want and act fast, because life just isn’t that long.” </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kevin:</b> If there is one thing that I have learned through this whole experience, it’s that if you film anybody long enough, they’re going to do something stupid. It’s only human natural. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> Hey guys. <br /><b>Angela:</b> Hi. <br /><b>All:</b> Hey! <br /><b>Pam:</b> What about the honeymoon? <br /><b>Angela:</b> Oh, the honeymoon can wait till tomorrow. We wanted to hang out with you guys. I mean, when are we all going to be here together again? <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Aww, J, P and D. The Three Amigos. Ah, it warms my heart. Hey, what do you say, when I get back from out honeymoon, the three of us have a conference room meeting just for fun? [pause] What is that meaningful look? <br /><b>Jim:</b> You know what? Maybe we should talk. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Darryl:</b> Hey, come here. You guys need to see this. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> What is it? <br /><b>Andy:</b> [on the computer] You’re probably sitting there wondering what will be your mark. What will you be known for? It might surprise you to learn&#8230; </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> I finally feel ready. Athlead is growing… <br /><b>Jim:</b> Athleap. <br /><b>Pam:</b> And Jim can jump back in without skipping a beat. We’ll come back to visit. But I think it’s time for us to officially… <br /><b>Dwight:</b> No, don’t say it. You’re fired! You’re both fired! <br /><b>Jim:</b> Dwight, come on. Don’t end on a bad note. <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Don’t be an idiot. It’s for the severance. The best I can do one month for every year you’ve been here. That’s the max. <br /><b>Pam:</b> Thanks Dwight. <br /><b>Jim:</b> Hey, and if you’re ever in Austin&#8230; <br /><b>Dwight:</b> Woah. Right. For what, the art? The music? The incredible nightlife? No thank you. But if you’re ever in the area, you’ll always have a place to stay…in my barn. <br /><b>Jim:</b> There it is. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> Do I get along with my co-workers? Well, first of all, I don’t have co-workers anymore, I have subordinates. So… have I gotten along with my subordinates? Let’s see. My supplier relations rep, Meredith Palmer, is the only person I know who knows how to properly head bang to Motorhead. Oscar Martinez, my accountant, is now godfather to my son. Angela Schrute, my former accountant is now my wife. My top salesman, Jim Halpert was best man at my wedding and office administrator Pamela Beesley Halpert is my best friend. So…yes. I’d say I have gotten along with my subordinates. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Andy:</b> [on computer] You might feel sorry for me but I actually feel sorry for you. Because you’re about to leave Cornell. So say it with me: [all]: Oh, I can so just sit here and cry. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> Oh, Yes! <br /><b>Darryl:</b> You did good. Real good. <br /><b>Andy:</b> Thanks Dad…Darryl. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Andy:</b> I spent so much of my time here at Dunder Mifflin thinking about my old pals, my college a cappella group. The weird thing is now, I’m exactly where I wanna be. I got my dream job at Cornell and I’m still just thinking about my old pals. Only now they’re the ones I made here. I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them. [pause] Someone should write a song about that. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Oscar:</b> You take something ordinary, like a piece of paper. It’s not much. But if you see it in the right way…And that’s what you did with this documentary. But seriously, you made a nine-year documentary and you couldn’t once show me doing my origami. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Creed:</b> [walking out of the bathroom discovered by all] Uh..ohh! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Creed:</b> [playing guitar and singing] I saw a friend today. It had been a while. And we forgot each others names. But it didn’t matter. ‘Cause deep inside the feeling still remained the same… </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Imagine going back and watching a tape of your life. You could see yourself change and make mistakes…and grow up. You could watch yourself fall in love, watch yourself become a husband, become a father. You guys gave that to me. And that’s…an amazing gift. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Phyllis:</b> Hey, Jim, remember flonkerton when you did Office Olympics? It was awesome. <br /><b>Jim:</b> Thanks Phyl. <br /><b>Creed:</b> I still have my medal from that. <br /><b>Angela:</b> Do you even have a mattress? <br /><b>Creed:</b> No, but I still have my medal from that. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kevin:</b> Oscar. Oscar. [crying] I think I’m gay. <br /><b>Oscar:</b> Why do you say that? <br /><b>Kevin:</b> [sniffles] It’s just that I’m so emotional. <br /><b>Oscar:</b> Yeah, but you’re not gay. You’re not gay. <br /><b>Kevin:</b> No, but maybe the reason… <br /><b>Oscar:</b> You’re not gay. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Creed:</b> [still playing and singing] And all the faces that I know have that same familiar glow. I think I must have known them somewhere once before. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Erin:</b> How did you do it? How did you capture what it was really like? How we felt and how made each other laugh and how we got through the day? How did you do it? Also, how do cameras work? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Darryl:</b> Everyday when I came into work, all I wanted to do was leave. So why in the world does it feel so hard to leave right now? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Creed:</b> It all seems so very arbitrary. I applied for a job at this company because they were hiring. I took a desk at the back because it was empty. But…[chuckles] no matter how you get there or where you end up, human beings have this miraculous gift to make that place home. [standing with two cops] Let’s do this. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Meredith:</b> I just feel lucky that I got a chance to share my crummy story with anyone out there who thinks they’re the only one to take a dump in a paper shredder. You’re not alone sister. Let’s get a beer sometime. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Phyllis:</b> I’m happy that this was all filmed so I can remember everyone and what we did. I worked for a paper company all these years and I never wrote anything down. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> I sold paper at this company for 12 years. My job was to speak to clients on the phone about quantities and types of copier paper. Even if I didn’t love every minute of it, everything I have, I owe to this job. This stupid…wonderful…boring…amazing job. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> I thought it was weird when you picked us to make a documentary. But all in all…I think an ordinary paper company like Dunder Mifflin was a great subject for a documentary. There’s a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn’t that kind of the point? </div>
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<aside id="text-7" class="widget widget_text"> <div class="textwidget"><p><u><b>Main</b></u></p>
<p><a href="/">Home</a><br />
<a href="/contactMe.php">Contact Me</a><br />
<a href="/topQuotes.php">Top Quotes</a><br />
<a href="/fanLove.php">Fan Love</a><br />
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<a href="/linksPage.php">Links</a></p>
<p><u><b>Season I</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no1-01.php">Pilot</a><br />
02. <a href="/no1-02.php">Diversity Day</a><br />
03. <a href="/no1-03.php">Health Care</a><br />
04. <a href="/no1-04.php">The Alliance</a><br />
05. <a href="/no1-05.php">Basketball</a><br />
06. <a href="/no1-06.php">Hot Girl</a></p>
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</div>
<p><u><b>Season II</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no2-01.php">The Dundies</a><br />
02. <a href="/no2-02.php">Sexual Harassment</a><br />
03. <a href="/no2-03.php">Office Olympics</a><br />
04. <a href="/no2-04.php">The Fire</a><br />
05. <a href="/no2-05.php">Halloween</a><br />
06. <a href="/no2-06.php">The Fight</a><br />
07. <a href="/no2-07.php">The Client</a><br />
08. <a href="/no2-08.php">Performance Review</a><br />
09. <a href="/no2-09.php">E-mail Surveillance</a><br />
10. <a href="/no2-10.php">Christmas Party</a><br />
11. <a href="/no2-11.php">Booze Cruise</a><br />
12. <a href="/no2-12.php">The Injury</a><br />
13. <a href="/no2-13.php">The Secret</a><br />
14. <a href="/no2-14.php">The Carpet</a><br />
15. <a href="/no2-15.php">Boys and Girls</a><br />
16. <a href="/no2-16.php">Valentine&#8217;s Day</a><br />
17. <a href="/no2-17.php">Dwight&#8217;s Speech</a><br />
18. <a href="/no2-18.php">Take Your Daughter to Work Day</a><br />
19. <a href="/no2-19.php">Michael&#8217;s Birthday</a><br />
20. <a href="/no2-20.php">Drug Testing</a><br />
21. <a href="/no2-21.php">Conflict Resolution</a><br />
22. <a href="/no2-22.php">Casino Night</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season III</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no3-01.php">Gay Witch Hunt</a><br />
02. <a href="/no3-02.php">The Convention</a><br />
03. <a href="/no3-03.php">The Coup</a><br />
04. <a href="/no3-04.php">Grief Counseling</a><br />
05. <a href="/no3-05.php">Initiation</a><br />
06. <a href="/no3-06.php">Diwali</a><br />
07. <a href="/no3-07.php">Branch Closing</a><br />
08. <a href="/no3-08.php">The Merger</a><br />
09. <a href="/no3-09.php">The Convict</a><br />
10. <a href="/no3-10.php">A Benihana Christmas</a><br />
11. <a href="/no3-11.php">Back From Vacation</a><br />
12. <a href="/no3-12.php">Traveling Salesmen</a><br />
13. <a href="/no3-13.php">The Return</a><br />
14. <a href="/no3-14.php">Ben Franklin</a><br />
15. <a href="/no3-15.php">Phyllis&#8217; Wedding</a><br />
16. <a href="/no3-16.php">Business School</a><br />
17. <a href="/no3-17.php">Cocktails</a><br />
18. <a href="/no3-18.php">The Negotiation</a><br />
19. <a href="/no3-19.php">Safety Training</a><br />
20. <a href="/no3-20.php">Product Recall</a><br />
21. <a href="/no3-21.php">Women&#8217;s Appreciation</a><br />
22. <a href="/no3-22.php">Beach Games</a><br />
23. <a href="/no3-23.php">The Job</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season IV</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no4-01.php">Fun Run</a><br />
02. <a href="/no4-02.php">Dunder Mifflin Infinity</a><br />
03. <a href="/no4-03.php">Launch Party</a><br />
04. <a href="/no4-04.php">Money</a><br />
05. <a href="/no4-05.php">Local Ad</a><br />
06. <a href="/no4-06.php">Branch Wars</a><br />
07. <a href="/no4-07.php">Survivor Man</a><br />
08. <a href="/no4-08.php">The Deposition</a><br />
09. <a href="/no4-09.php">Dinner Party</a><br />
10. <a href="/no4-10.php">Chair Model</a><br />
11. <a href="/no4-11.php">Night Out</a><br />
12. <a href="/no4-12.php">Did I Stutter?</a><br />
13. <a href="/no4-13.php">Job Fair</a><br />
14. <a href="/no4-14.php">Goodbye Toby</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season V</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no5-01.php">Weight Loss</a><br />
02. <a href="/no5-02.php">Business Ethics</a><br />
03. <a href="/no5-03.php">Baby Shower</a><br />
04. <a href="/no5-04.php">Crime Aid</a><br />
05. <a href="/no5-05.php">Employee Transfer</a><br />
06. <a href="/no5-06.php">Customer Survey</a><br />
07. <a href="/no5-07.php">Business Trip</a><br />
08. <a href="/no5-08.php">Frame Toby</a><br />
09. <a href="/no5-09.php">The Surplus</a><br />
10. <a href="/no5-10.php">Moroccan Christmas</a><br />
11. <a href="/no5-11.php">The Duel</a><br />
12. <a href="/no5-12.php">Prince Family Paper</a><br />
13. <a href="/no5-13.php">Stress Relief</a><br />
14. <a href="/no5-14.php">Lecture Circuit 1</a><br />
15. <a href="/no5-15.php">Lecture Circuit 2</a><br />
16. <a href="/no5-16.php">Blood Drive</a><br />
17. <a href="/no5-17.php">Golden Ticket</a><br />
18. <a href="/no5-18.php">New Boss</a><br />
19. <a href="/no5-19.php">Two Weeks</a><br />
20. <a href="/no5-20.php">Dream Team</a><br />
21. <a href="/no5-21.php">Michael Scott Paper Company</a><br />
22. <a href="/no5-22.php">Heavy Competition</a><br />
23. <a href="/no5-23.php">Broke</a><br />
24. <a href="/no5-24.php">Casual Friday</a><br />
25. <a href="/no5-25.php">Cafe Disco</a><br />
26. <a href="/no5-26.php">Company Picnic</a></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><u><b>Season VI</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no6-01.php">Gossip</a><br />
02. <a href="/no6-02.php">The Meeting</a><br />
03. <a href="/no6-03.php">The Promotion</a><br />
04. <a href="/no6-04.php">Niagara</a><br />
05. <a href="/no6-05.php">Mafia</a><br />
06. <a href="/no6-06.php">The Lover</a><br />
07. <a href="/no6-07.php">Koi Pond</a><br />
08. <a href="/no6-08.php">Double Date</a><br />
09. <a href="/no6-09.php">Murder</a><br />
10. <a href="/no6-10.php">Shareholder Meeting</a><br />
11. <a href="/no6-11.php">Scott&#8217;s Tots</a><br />
12. <a href="/no6-12.php">Secret Santa</a><br />
13. <a href="/no6-13.php">The Banker</a><br />
14. <a href="/no6-14.php">Sabre</a><br />
15. <a href="/no6-15.php">Manager and Salesman</a><br />
16. <a href="/no6-16.php">The Delivery</a><br />
17. <a href="/no6-17.php">St. Patrick&#8217;s Day</a><br />
18. <a href="/no6-18.php">New Leads</a><br />
19. <a href="/no6-19.php">Happy Hour</a><br />
20. <a href="/no6-20.php">Secretary&#8217;s Day</a><br />
21. <a href="/no6-21.php">Body Language</a><br />
22. <a href="/no6-22.php">The Cover-Up</a><br />
23. <a href="/no6-23.php">The Chump</a><br />
24. <a href="/no6-24.php">Whistleblower</a></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><u><b>Season VII</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no7-01.php">Nepotism</a><br />
02. <a href="/no7-02.php">Counseling</a><br />
03. <a href="/no7-03.php">Andy&#8217;s Play</a><br />
04. <a href="/no7-04.php">Sex Ed</a><br />
05. <a href="/no7-05.php">The Sting</a><br />
06. <a href="/no7-06.php">Costume Contest</a><br />
07. <a href="/no7-07.php">Christening</a><br />
08. <a href="/no7-08.php">Viewing Party</a><br />
09. <a href="/no7-09.php">WUPHF.com</a><br />
10. <a href="/no7-10.php">China</a><br />
11. <a href="/no7-11.php">Classy Christmas</a><br />
12. <a href="/no7-12.php">Ultimatum</a><br />
13. <a href="/no7-13.php">The Seminar</a><br />
14. <a href="/no7-14.php">The Search</a><br />
15. <a href="/no7-15.php">PDA</a><br />
16. <a href="/no7-16.php">Threat Level Midnight</a><br />
17. <a href="/no7-17.php">Todd Packer</a><br />
18. <a href="/no7-18.php">Garage Sale</a><br />
19. <a href="/no7-19.php">Trainin Day</a><br />
20. <a href="/no7-20.php">Michael&#8217;s Last Dundies</a><br />
21. <a href="/no7-21.php">Goodbye Michael</a><br />
22. <a href="/no7-22.php">The Inner Circle</a><br />
23. <a href="/no7-23.php">Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager</a><br />
24. <a href="/no7-24.php">Search Committee</a></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><u><b>Season VIII</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no8-01.php">The List</a><br />
02. <a href="/no8-02.php">The Incentive</a><br />
03. <a href="/no8-03.php">Lotto</a><br />
04. <a href="/no8-04.php">Garden Party</a><br />
05. <a href="/no8-05.php">Spooked</a><br />
06. <a href="/no8-06.php">Doomsday</a><br />
07. <a href="/no8-07.php">Pam&#8217;s Replacement</a><br />
08. <a href="/no8-08.php">Gettysburg</a><br />
09. <a href="/no8-09.php">Mrs. California</a><br />
10. <a href="/no8-10.php">Christmas Wishes</a><br />
11. <a href="/no8-11.php">Trivia</a><br />
12. <a href="/no8-12.php">Pool Party</a><br />
13. <a href="/no8-13.php">Jury Duty</a><br />
14. <a href="/no8-14.php">Special Project</a><br />
15. <a href="/no8-15.php">Tallahasse</a><br />
16. <a href="/no8-16.php">After Hours</a><br />
17. <a href="/no8-17.php">Test the Store</a><br />
18. <a href="/no8-18.php">Last Day In Florida</a><br />
19. <a href="/no8-19.php">Get The Girl</a><br />
20. <a href="/no8-20.php">Welcome Party</a><br />
21. <a href="/no8-21.php">Angry Andy</a><br />
22. <a href="/no8-22.php">Fundraiser</a><br />
23. <a href="/no8-23.php">Turf War</a><br />
24. <a href="/no8-24.php">Free Family Portrait Studio</a></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><u><b>Season IX</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no9-01.php">New Guys</a><br />
02. <a href="/no9-02.php">Roy&#8217;s Wedding</a><br />
03. <a href="/no9-03.php">Andy&#8217;s Ancestry</a><br />
04. <a href="/no9-04.php">Work Bus</a><br />
05. <a href="/no9-05.php">Here Comes Treble</a><br />
06. <a href="/no9-06.php">The Boat</a><br />
07. <a href="/no9-07.php">The Whale</a><br />
08. <a href="/no9-08.php">The Target</a><br />
09. <a href="/no9-09.php">Dwight Christmas</a><br />
10. <a href="/no9-10.php">Lice</a><br />
11. <a href="/no9-11.php">Suit Warehouse</a><br />
12. <a href="/no9-12.php">Customer Loyalty</a><br />
13. <a href="/no9-13.php">Junior Salesman</a><br />
14. <a href="/no9-14.php">Vandalism</a><br />
15. <a href="/no9-15.php">Couples Discount</a><br />
16. <a href="/no9-16.php">Moving On</a><br />
17. <a href="/no9-17.php">The Farm</a><br />
18. <a href="/no9-18.php">Promos</a><br />
19. <a href="/no9-19.php">Stairmageddon</a><br />
20. <a href="/no9-20.php">Paper Airplane</a><br />
21. <a href="/no9-21.php">Livin&#8217; The Dream</a><br />
22. <a href="/no9-22.php">A.A.R.M</a><br />
23. <a href="/no9-23.php">Finale</a></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><u><b>Other</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><a href="/webisodes.php">Webisodes &#8211; The Accountants</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-kevinsLoan.php">Webisodes &#8211; Kevin&#8217;s Loan</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-subtleSexuality.php">Webisodes &#8211; Subtle Sexuality</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-the3rdfloor.php">Webisodes &#8211; The 3rd floor</a><br />
<a href="/creedThoughts.php">Creed Thoughts</a><br />
<a href="/schruteSpace.php">Schrute Space</a></p>
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