the-office/data/normalization/build/09/08.json

{"title": "The Target", "description": "Angela orders a hit on Oscar for cheating with her husband, the office makes a tower with their customer complaint cards, Jim wines and dines Stanley and Phyllis in exchange for a favor, and Pam begins her mural. ", "characters": {"dwight": {"name": "Dwight Schrute", "appearances": 57}, "angela": {"name": "Angela Martin", "appearances": 52}, "jim": {"name": "Jim Halpert", "appearances": 29}, "oscar": {"name": "Oscar Gutierrez", "appearances": 22}, "trevor": {"name": "trevor", "appearances": 22}, "pam": {"name": "Pam Beasley", "appearances": 17}, "kevin": {"name": "Kevin Malone", "appearances": 16}, "stanley": {"name": "Stanley Hudson", "appearances": 14}, "phyllis": {"name": "Phyllis Lapin", "appearances": 12}, "nellie": {"name": "Nellie Bertram", "appearances": 9}, "meredith": {"name": "Meredith Palmer", "appearances": 8}, "toby": {"name": "Toby Flenderson", "appearances": 8}, "darryl": {"name": "Darryl Philbin", "appearances": 6}, "erin": {"name": "Erin Hannon", "appearances": 6}, "hide": {"name": "Hide", "appearances": 4}, "david-wallace": {"name": "David Wallace", "appearances": 3}, "creed": {"name": "Creed Bratton", "appearances": 3}}, "seasonNumber": 9, "episodeNumber": 8, "scenes": [{"quotes": [{"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "Yesterday, Angela may or may not have figured out that I'm having an affair with her husband. So I just have to wait and see. When she comes in, if she's cold and awkward and cruel to me, then great, it's business as usual."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "Good morning. [clears throat]"}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Oscar... [sighs] can I ask you a question?"}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "[whispering] Of course, ask me a que- questions."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Is it cool in here to you?"}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "[hoarsely] Yes, a little bit. [normal voice] Yes."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "I think the thermostat is acting up again."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "It's the stupid thermostat! That thing is a catastrophe. So I'm gonna, um, on your suggestion, get someone to fix it. I'll just go downstairs."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Thank you."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "No, thank you, Angela."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "She doesn't know. I shouldn't be surprised. This is a woman who married a man who is obviously a homosexual. Basically, she has her head in the sand. In a way I feel sorry for her. I guess the universe rewards true love."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Well, well, well, it's finally happened. Pam has ceased caring."}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "These are my painting clothes.I think I'm gonna do it. I am really gonna start painting the warehouse mural today. [Jim applauds]"}, {"speaker": "Meredith", "text": "Sure you don't want to put another coat of primer on that Pam?Queen of the primer, that one."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "You got this, Beesley. Actually, do you want me to come down and help you get started?"}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "Are you avoiding your phone call?"}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "What? Yeah, right. As if."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Today I will be asking David Wallace if I can start working part-time, because the sports marketing company that I started really needs me to be there."}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "Last week Jim wasn't there, and they named the company Athlead."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "I could have prevented that. So I have to talk to Wallace."}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "Tell them your opening line."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "[sighs] Hey David, how would you like a guy who's not here as much, gets paid the same amount of salary, and has bigger fish to fry in Philadelphia?"}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "I think it's good. He likes fishing."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "This is gonna be awful."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Pete", "text": "One of my jobs is to input customer complaints into the computer. And when they're in, I fill out one of these cards. But the information's already on the computer, so....why am I filling out the card? I asked Andy, and he told me to \"chillax,\" and then went away on a big, long boat ride. So here we are. Don't give me a pointless office chore, because I will build a little paper house.  Fight the power."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Meet me in the old place, five minutes. I need you."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Angela", "text": "[upon seeing Dwight naked] Ugh!"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Come on in, the water's fine."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Dwight, it's not that kind of meeting. Put your clothes back on."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "I know. That's not why I'm naked. I always work out without my clothes. [does jumping jacks]"}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Just put them on! Put on your clothes. I need your help. I need someone who can operate outside of the law. Ugh."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Oh, I'm sorry, your vigilante privileges ended when you broke up with me. If I'm not in your panties, I don't go vigilantes. Why don't you ask your husband?"}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "My marriage is in danger. I don't know who I can trust. I need someone to be there for me."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "[sighs] All right, what are we talking? Surveillance, wire-tapping?"}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": " Something like that."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Yeah, the less I know, the better. I know just the guy. He was a volunteer sheriff too. Kicked off the force."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Can you arrange a meeting?"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "I can try. I'm gonna use SMS text."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Okay."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Text went through."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Okay."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "All we can do is sit and wait."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Okay."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "[phone vibrates] Oh, look at that. Yeah, he's free anytime. Not a problem."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Jim", "text": "I mean, I can handle any client issues from Philly."}, {"speaker": "David Wallace", "text": "[on phone] Yeah, but I really need someone in the office. If there's a crisis -- the more I think about it --"}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Oh, you mean handle it in person. Oh, well, Phyllis and Stanley have agree to cover for me while I'm gone."}, {"speaker": "David Wallace", "text": "They did?"}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Yep."}, {"speaker": "David Wallace", "text": "Oh, okay. Well, that is different. In that case, yes- Maybe this can work."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Oh, great."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Stanley", "text": "Why should we help you?"}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Because we're friends."}, {"speaker": "Stanley", "text": "When is my birthday?"}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Unfair. When's my birthday?"}, {"speaker": "Stanley", "text": "I don't know, because we're not friends."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "How about this- You let me take you to lunch, and I make my case?"}, {"speaker": "Stanley", "text": "Now we're talkin'."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "All right."}, {"speaker": "Phyllis", "text": "Yeah."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "Make it go taller."}, {"speaker": "Pete", "text": "That's the idea."}, {"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "No, not taller this way, taller this way. [gesturing with hands]"}, {"speaker": "Pete", "text": "Well, I've gotta build a wider base first before I can go higher."}, {"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "You're not getting this, Peter.  Make it go wider... up!"}, {"speaker": "Pete", "text": "Will do."}, {"speaker": "Darryl", "text": "[entering] What are y'all doing?"}, {"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "Me and Pete are building a tower."}, {"speaker": "Darryl", "text": "Cool. It should be taller though, right?"}, {"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "Obviously. He's a sweet kid, Darryl. But he's not the sharpest guy in the drawer."}, {"speaker": "Pete", "text": "Kevin, I can hear you."}, {"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "Huh?"}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Ow! Dwight! Ow!"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Get in the van."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "God!"}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "Is it safe to talk?"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Well, this documentary crew has been following our every move for the past nine years, but I don't see them so I think we're good."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "So what are your credentials?"}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "I started following people around to get exercise. Turns out, I'm damn good at it."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Do you have a gun?"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "[snickers] Does he own a gun? Show her."}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "You tell me."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "What is this?"}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "It's the receipt for my gun."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "You don't carry it with you?"}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "Read the receipt. That's a $300 gun. Someone could steal it."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Do you have any idea how many guns Trevor's had stolen from him?"}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "Now I keep it in a safe."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Mm-hmm. Good safe?"}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "Oh, you tell me. [shows Dwight receipt]"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Wow!"}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Pam", "text": "[studying mural wall] I guess if I make a mistake, I can just paint over it with a shrub or something. It's just, I think less of paintings with a lot of shrubs. So, I'm gonna limit myself to one shrub."}, {"speaker": "Hide", "text": "You paint wall now?"}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "Yeah. Painting now. I just want to make sure that..."}, {"speaker": "Hide", "text": "You paint now."}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "It's probably gonna be a few minutes. So you can just go back to doing whatever you were doing."}, {"speaker": "Hide", "text": "I wait."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Meredith", "text": "Sweet."}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Yay!"}, {"speaker": "Darryl", "text": "That's what I'm talkin' about."}, {"speaker": "Pete", "text": "This next card comes to us thanks to Meredith Palmer, who called Eastern Pennsylvania Seminary a, quote 'sausage factory.'"}, {"speaker": "Meredith", "text": "Oh OOOH!"}, {"speaker": "Everyone", "text": "[approving cheers]"}, {"speaker": "Meredith", "text": "Boom!"}, {"speaker": "Darryl", "text": "Bang."}, {"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "Yep, yep, yep."}, {"speaker": "Pete", "text": "All right. Up next we got a whole lotta Creed."}, {"speaker": "Creed", "text": "Let's find out what I did."}, {"speaker": "Pete", "text": "All right."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "You get half now and half upon completion of said job."}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "And that's all off the books?"}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Obviously."}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "Nice. No taxes."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Okay, so everything you need to know about the target is in here."}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "So what's the job?"}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Murder."}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "Okay, that's the big one. That's the big \"M.\""}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "You can't have someone murdered."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "What if they deserved it?"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "What did they do to you, Angela?"}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "They're sleeping with my husband."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Oh, Monkey. Oh, I feel for you."}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "This seems a little crazy."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Yes. Crazy. Thank you."}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "But I think I'm up for it."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "No! No!"}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Thank you."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Absolutely not. There are a lot of different ways to get revenge. I've had great success by defecating in a paper bag, put it on the porch-"}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "That's very effective. I've been on the receiving end of that quite a few times. It's devastating."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "No, no, no. It has to be physical. I want this person to suffer."}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "What about a knee-capping?"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "No! You're not helping, Trevor!"}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Yes, a knee-capping could work."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "No. Angela! What are you saying?"}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "You said you would be there for me."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "I'm trying, but what you're asking is-"}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "It's the only thing that will make this right."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Okay. But it's cruel, because a woman with damaged knees can't scrub worth a damn."}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "All right, then it's settled. One knee-capping. Now, the hit goes down at 4:00. Keep in mind, once I leave, there's no turning back."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Jim", "text": "You know, truth be told, I think all you'll really be doing is accepting calls from my clients while I'm gone."}, {"speaker": "Stanley", "text": "We've got all afternoon to talk about that."}, {"speaker": "Waiter", "text": "Morning, folks."}, {"speaker": "Stanley", "text": "I'll have the surf and turf with a side order of lobster."}, {"speaker": "Waiter", "text": "Actually, the surf and turf does come with lob-"}, {"speaker": "Stanley", "text": "Not enough lobster. Side order."}, {"speaker": "Phyllis", "text": "How much wine do you have?"}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "I brought you a cookie."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Oh, thanks, Oscar. You're such an angel."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "[talking into phone] I just gave her a cookie, and she called me an angel, so... yeah, we're good. Yeah. [exhales] We dodged a bullet, yes. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah- Well, I gotta go now, but- Okay, bye. Bye."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Pete", "text": "There we go."}, {"speaker": "Everyone", "text": "[cheers and applause]"}, {"speaker": "Pete", "text": "Nicely done. Very nicely done. All right, this next one goes to Darryl for pocket dialing a customer while having sex."}, {"speaker": "Nellie", "text": "Oooohh... you salty dog."}, {"speaker": "Darryl", "text": "Well, yeah, what can I say, a player's gotta play."}, {"speaker": "Pete", "text": "There you go."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Darryl", "text": "Actually, that was the sound of me eating spaghetti. But I'm gonna let them think the other thing."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "Okay, I got this one."}, {"speaker": "Nellie", "text": "Oh, be careful! Be careful! Be careful"}, {"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "No, I got it. Easy does it, everyone. Nobody even take a breath."}, {"speaker": "Everyone", "text": "[shouting as tower collapses] Oh no! Kevin!"}, {"speaker": "Nellie", "text": "What did I just say? What did I just say?"}, {"speaker": "Pete", "text": "Hey, hey, hey, it's just a mistake. Just a mistake. That's what this tower's all about --  mistakes. Okay, if you're afraid of screwing up, the tower's not for you. Show of hands -- who here has never had a complaint? That's right. Nobody. See that? Nobody. Okay? Let's get back to work, huh? Come on, you in?"}, {"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "Yeah."}, {"speaker": "Pete", "text": "There we go. All right, let's do it."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Jim", "text": "You know, at the end of the day, it's really only two days. I mean, I'll be back in the office.  If you need me for an emergency, call me.  I'll be there..."}, {"speaker": "Phyllis", "text": "You know what? I don't know where the years went.  'Cause sometimes when I look at my hands, I don't even recognize them."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Tell me about it."}, {"speaker": "Phyllis", "text": "Whose hands are these? [holding out her hands to Jim] Theyre not my hands. I don't know."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "All right. You know what?  Maybe we'll just... We'll go slow."}, {"speaker": "Phyllis", "text": "No. Jim... [wine bottle clangs on plate]"}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Pete", "text": "All right. Check it out."}, {"speaker": "Everyone", "text": "[cheers and applause]"}, {"speaker": "Pete", "text": "Like a Phoenix from the ashes. Ksshhhh!"}, {"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "Nice.  Pretty soon, we're gonna be at the ceiling."}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Whoo!"}, {"speaker": "Pete", "text": "Can you hand me a card?"}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Um,. it's empty."}, {"speaker": "Pete", "text": "What?"}, {"speaker": "Nellie", "text": "Oh, come on. We could use a blank card."}, {"speaker": "Everyone", "text": "No!!"}, {"speaker": "Meredith", "text": "That's cheating."}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "I could get us a complaint."}, {"speaker": "Meredith", "text": "You? Little Miss Priss? You wouldn't fart on a butterfly."}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "No, I wouldn't. I can't even relate to that impulse. But I bet I could get us a customer complaint. I'd like to try."}, {"speaker": "Nellie", "text": "Hmm. Yeah.  All right! Yea, go, Pam! Pam..."}, {"speaker": "Everyone", "text": "[chanting] \"Pam!\""}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Angela", "text": "What? Why did you call me out here?"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "The target- it's Oscar, isn't it? He and the senator are gaying each other."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "I don't know what you're talking about."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Your nostrils tell a different story. They flare like that every time you're engaging in deception. Hello again, naughty nostrils."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Fine! It's Oscar. So what?"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Well I could understand you wanting to get a stranger's knees whacked. But a co-worker- Dare I say, a friend?"}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Exactly, a friend. Someone who sits next to you year after year, making chitchat and smiling, and all the while running behind your back and defiling your marriage and seducing your husband."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "I can't even imagine how painful this must be for you. But the first ones to break your marriage vows were you and me."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Well, you might be right. But it's too late now."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "What do you mean?"}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "He's here."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "No! No, no! [groans]"}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Oscar? Oscar. Oscar, good. Hey come with me."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "What?"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Come -- come with me."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "What are you doing?"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "There are a bunch of construction workers in the warehouse without their trousers, drinking diet sodas. You have got to see this. They're extraordinary."}, {"speaker": "Meredith", "text": "Yahtzee."}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "Sandwich delivery for Mr. Oscar Martinez."}, {"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "I am Oscar Martinez."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "No, not him, not him. Outside. Outside."}, {"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "Wha- wh-"}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "You know, there's doughnuts in the break room."}, {"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "Nice! Yeah."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Listen, I was really wondering if maybe we could lock this down before lunch is over."}, {"speaker": "Stanley", "text": "Don't be pushy Jim. It's tacky."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "All right. Phyllis! Phyllis, that's- that's decorative."}, {"speaker": "Phyllis", "text": "No, there's wine in here."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Still decorative."}, {"speaker": "Stanley", "text": "Is it white wine?"}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "No."}, {"speaker": "Phyllis", "text": "[to customer] Can you help me?"}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Don't- don't- don't pole people with knives."}, {"speaker": "Phyllis", "text": "[groaning while trying to open giant wine bottle] ha ha!"}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Phyllis!  Wow."}, {"speaker": "Stanley", "text": "Ooh, bring it over."}, {"speaker": "Phyllis", "text": "Got it."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "There's no time to explain. [descending stairs] Okay, actually, there is time to explain. When Angela found out that you seduced her husband, we hired a guy to break your knee caps."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "Oh, my God! What is wrong wiht you?"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "What is wrong with you? There are a million gorgeous guys in the Scranton Wilkes-Barre area, and you choose the man who's the father of her child?"}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "I don't know what you're talking about."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Oh, don't lie. I'm trying to save those precious knees you're always bragging about.  Now, let's get out of here. He could be right behind us."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Aah! Actually, he's right in front of us."}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "Let's get it on. I'm gonna do this. I might- I might puke, but I'm gonna do this."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "No, Trevor, I am not gonna let you. He's a Dunder-Mifflin man. He's my tribe."}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "I'm sorry, Dwight, but for once in my stupid, stupid life, I'm gonna follow through on something, all right? I have masculinity issues- Stop! No!"}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "I got it."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Disarm!"}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "You don't- [all three grunting]"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Don't move. And disarm now! [Oscar gets weapon away from others]"}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "Okay, okay, okay, okay."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "No! No, Oscar. He's a friend. He's a friend."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Okay, the client is Heymont Brake and Tire. They're family-owned, but don't let that take away from your edge!"}, {"speaker": "Nellie", "text": "Come on, Pam, I know you can fail. I see failure in you."}, {"speaker": "Creed", "text": "Remember, you're a scumbag, so you think scummy thoughts. Like this."}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "[into phone] Hello, this is Pam Halpert. I'm calling from Dunder-Mifflin. Yes, your paper provider. And I just called to say... your mama is so fat, when she wears red, people yell, \"Hey, kool-aid.\" Yeah, your mama's fat. This is Pam Halpert."}, {"speaker": "Pete", "text": "Did she buy it?"}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "Basically I couldn't tell, but I think..."}, {"speaker": "Nellie", "text": "Were they angry?"}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "I- I thought they were confused at least..."}, {"speaker": "Nellie", "text": "Okay."}, {"speaker": "None", "text": "[phone rings]"}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Dunder Mifflin. This is Erin. Yes, you can. Okay. I will make sure that goes on file. [hangs up] Ladies and gentlemen, we just lost a client!"}, {"speaker": "Everyone", "text": "[cheering]"}, {"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "Nice. Nice."}, {"speaker": "Creed", "text": "You did good. You did good."}, {"speaker": "Pete", "text": "See ya later, Heymont."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "No."}, {"speaker": "Trevor", "text": "If you chase me, I will run so fast. If you catch me I will bite so hard. Got it? Good-bye, my friend."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "What the hell, Dwight?"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "See ya later, Trevor."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "you are incorrigible!"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "I just saved your life. You're welcome!"}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "You hired someone to hit me with a pipe!"}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "You deserved every bit of it!  You made my husband gay."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "What- what I did was wrong, and I have to live with that every day. But your husband is... gay. He was gay when you married him!"}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "No. No."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "Angela, until you face that, you're gonna be confused and angry for all the wrong reasons. But if you want to blame me for the whole thing, go ahead -- I won't stop you. Hit me. you have my blessing. Hit me."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Well are you gonna let go of it? Because part of the blame is definitely on you."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "Angela, it's a lead freaking pipe."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "God! [kicks Oscar]"}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "Aah!"}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "You were supposed to be my friend."}, {"speaker": "Oscar", "text": "I'm so sorry. Angela-"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Oscar."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Pete", "text": "Our crowning complaint card comes to us thanks to Pamela Halpert..."}, {"speaker": "Everyone", "text": "[cheers and applause]"}, {"speaker": "Pete", "text": "For insulting a client's recently deceased mother."}, {"speaker": "Nellie", "text": "Yes!"}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "I did not know that."}, {"speaker": "Pete", "text": "Well, a woman who struggled with obesity all her life."}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "I'm so sorry."}, {"speaker": "Meredith", "text": "Wow."}, {"speaker": "Pete", "text": "yeah. That's- that is terrible."}, {"speaker": "Everyone", "text": "[cheers and applause as Pete puts last card on tower]"}, {"speaker": "Kevin", "text": "You did it."}, {"speaker": "Erin", "text": "Yeah!"}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Angela", "text": "I feel so stupid. I sit next to him every day."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "You're not stupid. Jazz is stupid."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "[crying] Jazz is stupid!  I mean, just play the right notes!"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "I know. You're gonna be okay, Monkey."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "I don't like your friend Trevor."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "I don't like him either.  And yet I really like him."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Well, we're here. Perfect.  [covers sleeping Phyllis with his jacket]"}, {"speaker": "Phyllis", "text": "We're gonna cover for you, ya know."}, {"speaker": "Stanley", "text": "[chuckles]"}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Phyllis, what was that?Phyllis are you dreaming, or-"}, {"speaker": "Stanley", "text": "[laughing] I did enjoy grinding your beans, son."}, {"speaker": "Phyllis", "text": "[laughing] Yeah, we really did peel your grapes."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "This is hilarious, but we're gonna stop with all-"}, {"speaker": "Stanley", "text": "Shuckin' your peas."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Shuckin' the peas.  You should go back to the first part, though. You are  gonna  cover for me?"}, {"speaker": "Stanley", "text": "Yeah."}, {"speaker": "Phyllis", "text": "Of course we are, Jimmy. We love you guys."}, {"speaker": "Jim", "text": "Oh, my God, thank you. [hugging both] Thank you."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Pam", "text": "If you're an artist, you have to be okay with the idea  that you can't please everybody all the time."}, {"speaker": "Hide", "text": "You paint very bad-"}, {"speaker": "Pam", "text": "Shut up, Hide!  I mean, do you think Kevin cares what people think about him- or Creed or Meredith? Oh my gosh, these are my role models now. You know what? I'm okay with that."}]}, {"quotes": [{"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Where does gayness come from? And how is it transmitted?"}, {"speaker": "Toby", "text": "That is- that is a loaded question."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "My pastor said it can come from breast feeding."}, {"speaker": "Toby", "text": "He said that?"}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Well, he didn't fight me hard on it."}, {"speaker": "Toby", "text": "I- I don't know if there's truth to- to, uh, to that."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "What is it called when two men intertwine their penises like the snakes on the medic-alert bracelet?"}, {"speaker": "Toby", "text": "Oh... uh..."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "Is it called red-vining?"}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Is it called red-vining?"}, {"speaker": "Toby", "text": "I don't..."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "We heard it was called red-vining."}, {"speaker": "Angela", "text": "People red vine."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "Where are gay mens' vaginas?"}, {"speaker": "Toby", "text": "They don't have vaginas."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "What?"}, {"speaker": "Toby", "text": "No. They're just regular men."}, {"speaker": "Dwight", "text": "When two gay men have sex, how do they know whose penis will open up to accept the other person's penis?"}, {"speaker": "Toby", "text": "Uh... wow...."}]}]}