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<meta property="og:description" content="Written by Paul Lieberstein Directed by Paul Feig Original Air Date: May 15th, 2008 Dwight: [cell phone rings] Hello, this is Dwight Schrute. [phone keeps ringing] Hello? Jim: [presses button on headset] Hello, this is Dwight. Dwight: Hello? Hello? Jim: Yes, we do have that. Hold on one second&#8230; Dwight: Jim, what are you doing? &hellip;" />
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// Incremental list of all possible Text
random_text[number++] = "I know that patience and loyalty are good, and virtuous traits. But sometimes I just think you need to grow a pair."
random_text[number++] = "Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch!"
random_text[number++] = "Saboteur! I'm going to kill you for real. This game--- the game is over. I'm really going to shoot you. "
random_text[number++] = "I have this little vacuum cleaner that's broken. If Dwight doesn't work out, maybe that could be manager. "
random_text[number++] = "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."
random_text[number++] = "Jim is gone. He's gone. I miss him so much. Ooooh I cry myself to sleep, Jim! FALSE. I do not miss him."
random_text[number++] = "No! That is the fun of this place. I call everybody 'faggie'. Why would anybody find that offensive?"
random_text[number++] = "You don't call retarded people 'retards'. It's bad taste. You call your friends 'retards' when they're acting retarded."
random_text[number++] = "Maybe we could go out for a beer sometime. And you could tell me... how... you do that to another dude."
random_text[number++] = "I went to Cornell, you ever heard of it?"
random_text[number++] = "Hey, what about Angela? She's hard and severe. She could be a gay woman."
random_text[number++] = "That is so cool that you're gay. I totally underestimated you."
random_text[number++] = "I think Angela might be gay. Could Oscar and Angela be having a gay affair? Maybe! Is that what this is about?"
random_text[number++] = "The company has made it my responsibility today to put an end to 100,000 years of being weirded out by gays."
random_text[number++] = "That's what she said. Or he said."
random_text[number++] = "I call her Hillary Rodham Clinton. Right? Not to her face, because... well, not because I'm scared of her. Because I'm not."
random_text[number++] = "Uh, is Josh concerned about downsizing himself? Not downsizing himself, but is he concerned about downsizing?"
random_text[number++] = "No, I am not going to tell them. I don't see the point of that. As a doctor, you would not tell a patient if they had cancer."
random_text[number++] = "Safety violation. I could fall and pierce an organ."
random_text[number++] = "You can go mess with Josh's people, but I'm the head of this family, and you ain't gonna be messing with my chillin."
random_text[number++] = "I guess the atmosphere that I've created here is that I'm a friend first, and a boss second... and probably an entertainer third."
random_text[number++] = "They always want credit for something they supposed to do! What you want a cookie?"
random_text[number++] = "'...in this way, I can truly be a hero. Signed, Daffy Duck. He's going to lose it when he reads that."
random_text[number++] = "This is an environment of welcoming, and you should just get the hell out of here."
random_text[number++] = "Um, let me ask you, is there a term besides Mexican that you prefer? Something less offensive?"
random_text[number++] = "Come on, Olympics of Suffering right here. Slavery versus the Holocaust. Come on."
random_text[number++] = "You'll notice I didn't have anybody be an Arab. I thought that would be too explosive. No pun intended."
random_text[number++] = "That doesn't really make sense. Because you don't call them collared people, that's offensive."
random_text[number++] = "Any time Michael asks me to do anything, I just tell him that Dwight should do it."
random_text[number++] = "Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead."
random_text[number++] = "Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will."
random_text[number++] = "He's got to come out sometime. To go to the bathroom."
random_text[number++] = "I thought you said you were inventing diseases? That's spontaneous dental hydroplosion."
random_text[number++] = "Well, once you get down into the mine, what... you got laser tag or something?"
random_text[number++] = "Uh, leprosy? Flesh eating bacteria. Hot-dog fingers. Government-created killer nanorobot infection."
random_text[number++] = "It's an epidemic."
random_text[number++] = "Why did you write that down Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?"
random_text[number++] = "Hey, hey, everybody. Ice-cream sandwiches! Aaaahh!"
random_text[number++] = "OK, now. Who wrote this, hysterical one? Anal fissures?"
random_text[number++] = "See I learned improv from the greats, like, um, Drew Carey and Ryan Stiles."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, the water cooler was brought over here for... maintenance. So what do you guys hear? What's the scuttlebutt?"
random_text[number++] = "I think green is kind of whoreish."
random_text[number++] = "Mint chocolate chip! That'd be good, how about some, mint chocolate chip?"
random_text[number++] = "Do you want to form, an alliance, with me?"
random_text[number++] = "Meredith had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to work or it'll poop on the floor."
random_text[number++] = "Listen, Oscar, generosity and togetherness and community all convalescences into... morale. That's what I say, so..."
random_text[number++] = "Meredith, bad breath. Meredith has bad breath."
random_text[number++] = "One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I am better at hiding than they are... at vision."
random_text[number++] = "He's downstairs, in a box, on the floor, near the shelves. I'm serious."
random_text[number++] = "You know what? If I were allergic to dairy, I think I'd kill myself."
random_text[number++] = "I will use your talents come baseball season, my friend. Or if we box."
random_text[number++] = "And by gay I mean, um, you know, not in a homosexual way at all. I mean the uh, you know, like the bad-at-sports way."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, yuck, that's worse than you playing. ... 'Cause we need you as an alternate in case somebody gets hurt."
random_text[number++] = "Who am I? Am I Michael Scott? I don't know... I might just be a basketball machine."
random_text[number++] = "Ah, Katy. Wow. Look at you. You are, uh you're like the new and improved Pam. Pam 6.0."
random_text[number++] = "Amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies."
random_text[number++] = "I live by one rule. No office romances. No way. Very messy. Inappropriate. No. But, I live by another rule: Just do it. Nike."
random_text[number++] = "Oh definitely, definitely step in and out of it like that."
random_text[number++] = "Uh, Pam, one more thing. Um, how do girls your age feel about futons?"
random_text[number++] = "Wow. How many filet-o-fishes did you eat? "
random_text[number++] = "I mean, who's gonna give Kevin an award? Dunkin' Donuts?"
random_text[number++] = "Ah, it's just easier to say T.M.I. I used to say 'Don't go there' but that's... lame."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, yeah, this is the part where Kevin sat in front of the camcorder all night. It's great."
random_text[number++] = "Who? Dave Barry?"
random_text[number++] = "It'll be fine, I just...wish people were going to be drunk."
random_text[number++] = "The Dundies, how can I explain it? Awards you like to hate it. I'm psyched you all made it."
random_text[number++] = "And I just want to tell you please, please, do not drink and drive. Because you may hit a bump and spill the drink!"
random_text[number++] = "This says 'Bushiest Beaver.'"
random_text[number++] = "No, no. Cause the ice melts and then it's like second drink!"
random_text[number++] = "And, I feel God in this Chili's tonight. WOOOOOOOO!"
random_text[number++] = "I'm an early bird, and I'm a night owl. So I'm wise, and I have worms."
random_text[number++] = "Every so often, Jim dies of boredom."
random_text[number++] = "You see Dwight's coffee mug? Sometimes when he's not here I try to throw things in it."
random_text[number++] = "You try and hurt Mozart, you're going to get a bullet in your head courtesy of Butch Cassidy. "
random_text[number++] = "Oh, most honorable Pamera. Not offensive, because that's the way they talk in movies."
random_text[number++] = "Sometimes we play 'Who can put the most M&M's in their mouth?'"
random_text[number++] = "We sell beets to local stores and restaurants. It's a nice little farm. Sometimes teenagers use it for sex."
random_text[number++] = "Yeah, I got a game. It's called work hard so my kids can go to college."
random_text[number++] = "I do play games. I sing and I dangle things in front of my cats."
random_text[number++] = "Hey, look! Cool. Carpenter ants."
random_text[number++] = "If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls so you couldn't hear the other dead people."
random_text[number++] = "Jim, they refer to it as Flonkerton."
random_text[number++] = "There's a basic principle in real estate. That you should never be the best looking person in the development."
random_text[number++] = "Question. Where can I put my terrarium?"
random_text[number++] = "I call it Pam Pong. I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk and goes to reception to talk to you."
random_text[number++] = "Although two bathrooms would have been nice, we just have the one. And it's under the porch. "
random_text[number++] = "Nobody likes beets, Dwight. Why don't you grow something that everybody does like? You should grow candy."
random_text[number++] = "Oh. Thanks. Thanks. It's very cool. It's a three bedroom. Gay friendly."
random_text[number++] = "No, never heard of it. No, a real disability, not a woman's trouble."
random_text[number++] = "You burned your foot on a Foreman Grill?"
random_text[number++] = "I tried hopping Kevin, and I bumped my elbow against the wall and now my elbow has a protruberance."
random_text[number++] = "Hey, Pam, I'm assistant regional manager, and I can take care of him. Part of my duties are to"
random_text[number++] = "Ok, see you later, Pan."
random_text[number++] = "Pam, please. I have Country Crock."
random_text[number++] = "Oh God no, Dwight isn't my friend... Oh my God! Dwight's kind of my friend!"
random_text[number++] = "Get Ryan. He needs to lift me. And he needs to clean me up a little bit. Bring a wet towel."
random_text[number++] = "He grew into a man overnight. Rare disability, still works."
random_text[number++] = "I want to clamp Michael's face in a George Foreman grill."
random_text[number++] = "You know what? We're not that different, you and I. When I clamped my foot into a non-stick..."
random_text[number++] = "The rules of shotgun are very simple and very clear. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion."
random_text[number++] = "Chuck E. Cheese? Oh, God, I'm so sick of Chuck E. Cheese."
random_text[number++] = "You can't fire me. I don't work in this van!"
random_text[number++] = "Doctor, what is more serious, a head injury or a foot injury?"
random_text[number++] = "Me so horny. Me love you long tim."
random_text[number++] = "Hey Dwight, pass the tardy sauce. Get it Michael?"
random_text[number++] = "I am very flattered. I was his second choice after 'Pass.'"
random_text[number++] = "Every success I've ever had at my job or with the lady-folk has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down."
random_text[number++] = "Let's go. The men's room was disgusting."
random_text[number++] = "No thank you, I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear."
random_text[number++] = "We trade on the New York Stock Exchange. Ever heard of it? It's in New York."
random_text[number++] = "Angela, you seem so happy. I bet you wish you were like this all the time."
random_text[number++] = "'Schruted' it. It's just this thing that people say around your office all the time."
random_text[number++] = "I don't know. Who knows how words are formed."
random_text[number++] = "Um... Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi."
random_text[number++] = "You sounded like my niece, and she's six months old!"
random_text[number++] = "I never take vacations, I never get sick, and I don't celebrate any major holidays."
random_text[number++] = "You know what they say? Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice, strike three."
random_text[number++] = "Well, I like pretty women who have the appearance of intelligence."
random_text[number++] = "And where it asks to state your business, he wrote 'Beeswax. Not yours, Inc.'"
random_text[number++] = "I overslept. Damn rooster didn't crow."
random_text[number++] = "But remember, while today it is me, we all shall fall. In other words, I am quitting. So... "
random_text[number++] = "Oomp-a-Loomp-a-Doompity-Dawesome, Dwight is now gone which is totally awesome."
random_text[number++] = "Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy? No, he was not. He was a total douche. Doopity-doomp."
random_text[number++] = "Dwight will be missed. Not by me so much, but, he will be missed."
random_text[number++] = "One of my life goals was to die right here in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered."
random_text[number++] = "And when I came to, I had an epiphery."
random_text[number++] = "Then you take these bad boys and clip them anywhere on the engine. Then you take these and clip them wherever."
random_text[number++] = "You just twist your hand until something breaks."
random_text[number++] = "Number eight, learn how to take off a woman's bra. We will demonstrate on Pam."
random_text[number++] = "This may be Phyllis' only wedding ever. ... So I am instituting prima nocta."
random_text[number++] = "I'm sorry. I had a very different understanding as to what prima nocta meant."
random_text[number++] = "Actually, it's more of a guy's afternoon in. A G-A-I. A gay."
random_text[number++] = "It's a bridal shower for guys. A guy shower. An hour long shower with guys."
random_text[number++] = "It's not really any of my business, but I've gotten pretty good at reading the back of Jim's neck."
random_text[number++] = "Halpert! Tall, queer, handsome as ever."
random_text[number++] = "Okay. Co-ed naked strippers in this office. For realsies."
random_text[number++] = "SHUT UP ANGELA!"
random_text[number++] = "Ruddy cheeks, thick calves, no tats, no moles, no tats."
random_text[number++] = "Michael referred me to a male strip club called Banana Slings."
random_text[number++] = "Is she hot? Text back, 'Kind of.'"
random_text[number++] = "Michael, Dwight would like your man meat."
random_text[number++] = "You know what I find sexy? Pam's art. She's an artist and I appreciate that. It's very moving and sexy. The art."
random_text[number++] = "You smell like Tide detergent. Do you use Tide detergent?"
random_text[number++] = "Well, Ben Franklin, you're really kind of a sleezebag."
random_text[number++] = "Stripper? Could I ask you a question about women? Um, should I tell my girlfriend that you danced up on me?"
random_text[number++] = "I don't care what Jim says, that is not the real Ben Franklin. I am 99% sure."
random_text[number++] = "Really makes you wonder how Ben Franklin can become president, but someone like Elizabeth can't."
random_text[number++] = "She's prettier than you though."
random_text[number++] = "That's a very rude thing to say, Kevin."
random_text[number++] = "Straight teeth. Curly hair. Amazing breasts. Not for me, for my children. The Schrutes produce very thirsty babies."
random_text[number++] = "Not that we're all millionaires. ...I'm probably closest."
random_text[number++] = "Moms, primarily. Yep. Soccer moms. Single moms. NASCAR moms. Any type of moms, really."
random_text[number++] = "Man, I would be all over that if I wasn't dating Pam."
random_text[number++] = "You're not prying this out of my hands, but don't tempt me because I'll give it to you!"
random_text[number++] = "No, I didn't. I took back my chair that you took from me, but I didn't take your chair."
random_text[number++] = "Never ever, ever sleep with your boss. I am so lucky that Jan and I only got to second base."
random_text[number++] = "It's weird. Jan use to treat Michael like he was a ten year old, but lately it's like he's five."
random_text[number++] = "Extremely excited? ... Just very? That's cool."
random_text[number++] = "Is he going to be a slacker-loser-wise-ass like Jim was? Or is he going to join the Dwight Army of Champions?"
random_text[number++] = "When you are ready to see the sales office, the sales office will present itself to you. Your journey begins now."
random_text[number++] = "Hey Koselli, the Kos. Cosby. Hey hey hey. I love Jello Pudding pops. My son, Theo, loves Jello Pudding Pops too."
random_text[number++] = "Once a year they bring in a little cart and they give away free pretzels. It's really not a big deal. To some people it is."
random_text[number++] = "And just as you have planted your seed in the ground, I'm going to plant my seed in you."
random_text[number++] = "What a pair of Mary's."
random_text[number++] = "Wrong. He's not afraid of anything. Also, I would have accepted snakes."
random_text[number++] = "You need to vanquish fear! One must wrestle fear to the ground. You will now wrestle my cousin Mose!"
random_text[number++] = "Ryan. Don't. Ryan! You don't have to wrestle him. Just get in the coffin. Ryan?"
random_text[number++] = "Michael always said, K.I.S.S. Keep it simple, stupid. Great advice, hurts my feelings every time."
random_text[number++] = "Are we not, are we not, are we not? Are you with me, are you with me? Thank you very much!"
random_text[number++] = "You know what? They're going to be screwed once this whole internet fad is over."
random_text[number++] = "AM or PM?"
random_text[number++] = "Three hundred and sixty four days, till the next Pretzel Day."
random_text[number++] = "'Happy Valentine's Day darling. Love Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.'"
random_text[number++] = "New York, New York. City so nice they named it twice. Manhattan is the other name."
random_text[number++] = "It's me. I'm the bobble head. Yes!"
random_text[number++] = "I hooked up with her on February 13th."
random_text[number++] = "Here it is, heart of New York City, Times Square. Named for the good times you have when you're in it."
random_text[number++] = "Okay, there's a guy pooping in a cardboard box down there."
random_text[number++] = "You mean, like a ham?"
random_text[number++] = "Great Scott!"
random_text[number++] = "Care for it. Feed it. Lovingly, the way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving."
random_text[number++] = "You're evil, like a hobbit."
random_text[number++] = "It's time for our first quarter camaraderie event, so pack a swimsuit, a toothbrush, rubber-soled shoes, and a ski mask."
random_text[number++] = "Last year, Michael's theme was 'Bowl over the Competition!' So guess where we went."
random_text[number++] = "I think you're thinking of The Hunt for Red October."
random_text[number++] = "In an office, when you are ranking people, manager is higher than captain. On a boat, who knows? It's nebulose."
random_text[number++] = "Sometimes you have to just be the boss of dancing."
random_text[number++] = "Do you want us to run aground, woman?!"
random_text[number++] = "You know what? I would save the receptionist. I just wanted to clear that up."
random_text[number++] = "I don't know. Let's break up."
random_text[number++] = "Captain Jack is a fart face. I'm on medication."
random_text[number++] = "BFD. Engaged ain't married."
random_text[number++] = "Never, ever, ever give up."
random_text[number++] = "If it's the same thing, then why did you write 'workspace'?"
random_text[number++] = "Kevin! That's inappropriate."
random_text[number++] = "Wait. What are you writing? Don't write Ebola or mad cow disease. Right? 'Cause I'm suffering from both."
random_text[number++] = "I have tried to treat you all as adults, but obviously I am the only adult here. Number one, inverted penis."
random_text[number++] = "Robin Williams. Oh, man, would I love to go head-to-head with him."
random_text[number++] = "Meredith had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to work or it'll poop on the floor."
random_text[number++] = "Meredith, let's hope the only downsizing that happens to you is that someone downsizes your age."
random_text[number++] = "Is your password Frodo? Did you just change it to Gollum?"
random_text[number++] = "Swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans! So..."
random_text[number++] = "This is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head."
random_text[number++] = "I really hope that Dwight doesn't make me work. Maybe I should sleep with him? ... I'm kidding, kidding. Totally kidding."
random_text[number++] = "This is our warehouse. Or, as I like to call it, the whorehouse. But don't you call it that, I've earned the right."
random_text[number++] = "Darryl Philbin. Then Regis, then Rege, then Roger, then Mister Rogers."
random_text[number++] = "You still getting it regular man? Huh? I mean, I can tell her it's part of the job!"
random_text[number++] = "Uh, 'I'll help, Elwyn Dragonslayer, uh, ten points, power sword!'"
random_text[number++] = "Please don't throw garbage at me."
random_text[number++] = "Hey, there he is! Secret weapon!"
random_text[number++] = "Aw, come on! What is wrong with me today!? Usually hit those!"
random_text[number++] = "Same team, Dwight."
random_text[number++] = "You have the day off. Like coming in an extra day is gonna prevent us from being downsized. Have a good weekend!"
random_text[number++] = "Question, who's the best player in the league? Answer, The Question. Or the Drunkmeister."
random_text[number++] = "Toby's divorced. God, that's hard. That really ripped you up. She got the kids right?"
random_text[number++] = "And I know it's illegal in Pennsylvania, but it's for charity. And I consider myself a great philanderer."
random_text[number++] = "It belonged to my grandfather. He was buried in it, so family heirloom."
random_text[number++] = "I don't believe you. Continue."
random_text[number++] = "We've remained good friends. Good friends with privileges. Not now, some day."
random_text[number++] = "Comedy is very much alive, as are homeless people."
random_text[number++] = "There's a great soup kitchen in downtown Scranton. Delicious pea soup on Thursdays."
random_text[number++] = "Why are you the way that you are?"
random_text[number++] = "Honestly, every time I try to do something fun or exciting, you make it not... that way."
random_text[number++] = "I hate so much about the things that you choose to be."
random_text[number++] = "Guys, the Afghanistananies."
random_text[number++] = "Okay, you know what? No. No. AIDS is not funny. Believe me, I have tried."
random_text[number++] = "And I hope to someday live in a world where a person could tell a hilarious AIDS joke. It's one of my dreams."
random_text[number++] = "Dinkin' flicka."
random_text[number++] = "You know, stuff like, 'Fleece it out.' 'Going mach five.' 'Dinkin' flicka.' You know, things us Negroes say."
random_text[number++] = "We really don't do a lot of weddings. We actually don't play in public very often."
random_text[number++] = "Hey Carol, how goes the real estate biz? Is it real good?"
random_text[number++] = "Jan Levinson, I presume?"
random_text[number++] = "Two queens on Casino Night. I am going to drop a deuce on everybody."
random_text[number++] = "Code name Re/Max is here. No sign of Lan Jevinson."
random_text[number++] = "Michael said, 'We must deceive them, so as not to hurt them, and in that way, we honor them.'"
random_text[number++] = "Oh, I steal things all the time. It's just something I do. I stopped caring a long time ago. Honestly, I love stealing things."
random_text[number++] = "Old friends, new lovers, and the disabled! Welcome all!"
random_text[number++] = "Let's get it started! Black-Eyed Crows."
random_text[number++] = "Bluffing is a key part of poker, which is too bad, because I'm not very good at bluffing. ...Did you believe me?"
random_text[number++] = "One beer and one Seven and Seven with eight maraschino cherries, sugar on the rim, blended if you can."
random_text[number++] = "Look, I won! Look I have all the clovers!"
random_text[number++] = "Thanks. I never owned a refrigerator."
random_text[number++] = "I was just... I'm in love with you."
random_text[number++] = "I just needed you to know. Once."
random_text[number++] = "Come on. I don't wanna do that. I wanna be more than that."
random_text[number++] = "Um, I don't know, mom, he's my best friend. Yeah, he's great. Yeah, I think I am."
random_text[number++] = "And we both have to hear Dwight order deer urine over the Internet, so it evens out."
random_text[number++] = "It's my wedding. And I don't want anyone there who has called me a hussy."
random_text[number++] = "Yes, thanks, Fantastic Sam's. Adult Cut Plus. Comes with a shampoo and blow dry."
random_text[number++] = "I sat at my desk all day, with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?"
random_text[number++] = "What do you know about conflict resolution? Your answer to everything is to get divorced. So..."
random_text[number++] = "Because in this office, it is 'till death do us part... assuming we don't get downsized."
random_text[number++] = "It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, and God has a really cute sense of humor."
random_text[number++] = "Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day and wants a seat facing the receptionist."
random_text[number++] = "Here is a Kelly complaint: 'Ryan never returns my calls.' Ugh, join the club."
random_text[number++] = "Someone complained that the men's room is 'whites only'. Stanley, you know that's not true."
random_text[number++] = "OK, Ryan. You told Toby that Creed has a distinct old man smell?"
random_text[number++] = "I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious. But they smell like death."
random_text[number++] = "Solution: Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin that will make him uncomfortable."
random_text[number++] = "When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life."
random_text[number++] = "And my middle name is 'Kurt', not 'Fart'."
random_text[number++] = "Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? If they didn't work, everybody would still be in the cage."
random_text[number++] = "'Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert.'"
random_text[number++] = "'Everyone has called me 'Dwayne' all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to.'"
random_text[number++] = "'This morning, I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder.'"
random_text[number++] = "'Jim Halpert said there was an abandoned infant in the woman's room. When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can.'"
random_text[number++] = "'Every time I typed my name, it said 'Diapers'.'"
random_text[number++] = "Yeah, I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. And that's how I spent my entire day that day."
random_text[number++] = "I'm sort of an expert at Photoshop, so it turned out fine in the end."
random_text[number++] = "And everyday, for eight years, people have laughed at me. Well, who's laughing now?"
random_text[number++] = "It was a crime of passion, Jan, not a disgruntled employee. Everyone here is extremely gruntled."
random_text[number++] = "Yeppers."
random_text[number++] = "And Roy was lucky that Dwight only used pepper spray. And not the nunchucks or the throwing stars."
random_text[number++] = "Don't want it. Won't open it. Don't need it. Won't take it."
random_text[number++] = "Wikipedia... is the best thing ever."
random_text[number++] = "Sex, Steve Martin, Terri Hatcher."
random_text[number++] = "I don't think Michael intended to punish me, by putting Ryan back here with Kelly. But, if he did intend that? Wow. Genius."
random_text[number++] = "I am declining to speak first."
random_text[number++] = "Are you wearin' lady clothes? Those look like lady... pants."
random_text[number++] = "So I don't think that this is totally just a woman's suit. At the very least it's bisexual."
random_text[number++] = "Uh, MISSterious. And it is mysterious because the buttons are on the wrong side... that's the mystery."
random_text[number++] = "Make one tiny mistake, you're dead. I made one tiny mistake. I wore woman's clothes."
random_text[number++] = "For example, every year I get a $100 gas card... Can't put a price tag on that."
random_text[number++] = "Yeah, I heard how much Michael makes. I still think he's way over paid."
random_text[number++] = "So the big fella pulls out a sock filled with nickels. Then Schrute grabs a can of hairspray and a lighter---"
random_text[number++] = "Where? I'm gonna smack you in the head with a hammer. Come on, let's go."
random_text[number++] = "What is so stupid about wanting to name a baby Usher? Usher Jennifer Hudson Kapoor."
random_text[number++] = "Pippity poppity, give me the zoppity."
random_text[number++] = "Jim--- Roy--- Look out!"
random_text[number++] = "Were you going to tell me that you hired James Van Der Beek?"
random_text[number++] = "You gonna play it like this? You give me a good raise, or no more sex."
random_text[number++] = "It will be a groundbreaking case when it inevitably goes to trial."
random_text[number++] = "It was a weird day. I accidentally cross-dressed."
random_text[number++] = "All right, Levinson. Here's the rub."
random_text[number++] = "But you know, life is about more... than just salaries. It's about perks. Like having sex with Jan."
random_text[number++] = "So look out Dunder Mifflin'! I mean, look out... in a fun way! You know, not like, I'm gonna hurt you... "
random_text[number++] = "You know who's a real hero? Hiro, from Heroes. That's a hero. Also, Bono."
random_text[number++] = "It's really for anybody with a dream and a belief in magic and a little extra time after school."
random_text[number++] = "Which is unfortunate because as it turns out, Dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs."
random_text[number++] = "I did not become a Lackawanna County Volunteer Sheriff's deputy to make friends. And by the way, I haven't."
random_text[number++] = "I enjoy the tangy zip of Miracle Whip."
random_text[number++] = "Stop! This is not Kelly Kapoor story hour."
random_text[number++] = "Smokin' doobies. Doobie brothers, I was smokin' doobies with my brothers. Peace out, Seacrest!"
random_text[number++] = "Have you ever... pooped... a balloon?"
random_text[number++] = "No! You said that I'd be conducting the interview when I walked in here. Now exactly how much pot did you smoke?"
random_text[number++] = "Why do you keep CC'ing me on things that have nothing to do with me?"
random_text[number++] = "Jim is not allowed to talk until after he buys me a coke. Those are the rules of jinx, and they are unflinchingly rigid."
random_text[number++] = "It has to be official, and it has to be urine."
random_text[number++] = "I am ridiculously anti-drug. So anti-drug that I am above suspicion in any way that involves suspicion, or testing of any kind."
random_text[number++] = "Pam, can you take this down? In addition to Toby's urine being tested, I would like to test his blood and his hair."
random_text[number++] = "And I wasn't planning on going to the bathroom, and I don't even know if anything is going to come out, okay?"
random_text[number++] = "A cup could find its way under the urine. It might be an accident. It happens."
random_text[number++] = "My father's name was Dwight Schrute. My grandfather's name was Dwight Schrute. His father's name Dwide Schrude. Amish."
random_text[number++] = "Yes! Thank you! You will get rich quick. We all will!"
random_text[number++] = "When the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly, asking for help, you help!"
random_text[number++] = "Today is my B-day, and people around here just go crazy for it."
random_text[number++] = "Fun fact. I share my birthday with Eva Longoria. So, I have a perfect ice-breaker if I ever meet Terry Hatcher."
random_text[number++] = "Let's get the party started. Not the way I taught you!"
random_text[number++] = "I never really thought about death until Princess Diana died. That was the saddest funeral ever. That and my sister's."
random_text[number++] = "Well, I guess I forgot to give you a donut."
random_text[number++] = "It's 'For the Longest Time,' by William Joel. It's your favorite song."
random_text[number++] = "You're making it worse. I bet Luke Perry's friends don't treat him like this."
random_text[number++] = "It is 11:23 exactly, the exact moment when you emerged from your mother's vaginal canal."
random_text[number++] = "Happy birth moment, Michael."
random_text[number++] = "Why tip someone for a job I'm capable of doing myself? I can deliver food. I can drive a taxi. I can, and do, cut my own hair."
random_text[number++] = "I did, however, tip my urologist, because... I am unable to pulverize my own kidney stones."
random_text[number++] = "No cookie.'"
random_text[number++] = "Luke, this is your father. Come set the table for dinner."
random_text[number++] = "Well, you're pretty much driving everyone else here crazy... crazy with worry."
random_text[number++] = "Where have you been? And don't say the bathroom, 'cause I kicked in all the stalls."
random_text[number++] = "You know, give yourself an exam. Those things are like ticking time bags. Alright? Think about it."
random_text[number++] = "Well, apparently in the medicine community, negative means good. Which makes absolutely no sense."
random_text[number++] = "Michael's birthday was actually pretty cool. It was a good day. I don't know... It was a good day."
random_text[number++] = "I put out a bunch of extra candy out on my desk so the kids will come talk to me. ...Like the witch in Hanzel and Gretel."
random_text[number++] = "I am... like Superman, and the people who work here are like citizens of Gotham City."
random_text[number++] = "Why be a dad when you can be a fun uncle? I've never heard of anyone rebelling against their fun uncle."
random_text[number++] = "I'm learning that 'fun' for Kelly is... getting married and having babies. Immediately. With me."
random_text[number++] = "That's your name? Mister Poop?"
random_text[number++] = "Are you Mother Goose?"
random_text[number++] = "Boy have you lost your mind? 'Cause I'll help you find it!"
random_text[number++] = "Stanley yelled at me today. That was one of the most frightening experiences of my life."
random_text[number++] = "Have you ever seen a foot with four toes?"
random_text[number++] = "I want to be married and have a hundred kids so I can have a hundred friends, and no one can say no to being my friend."
random_text[number++] = "I need a username. And... I have a great one. Little kid lover. That way, people will know exactly where my priorities are at."
random_text[number++] = "Question: Do their pizzas play DVDs?"
random_text[number++] = "Abso-fruit-ly. Fruit. Grapes. Nailed the joke."
random_text[number++] = "'Thank you, Mr. Blank. Thank you very, very, very...'"
random_text[number++] = "It was me against Raj Patel. And I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word 'failure'."
random_text[number++] = "Look, it doesn't matter what you say. It just matters that you're saying something that people care about."
random_text[number++] = "Pam! I'm public speaking. Stop public interrupting me."
random_text[number++] = "The very best of luck to you, Dwight."
random_text[number++] = "I always set it at 69."
random_text[number++] = "Actually, I don't see myself ever getting married."
random_text[number++] = "Blood alone moves the wheels of history!"
random_text[number++] = "WE ARE WARRIORS!"
random_text[number++] = "I captivated the guy who captivated a thousand guys. Can you believe that? A thousand guys?"
random_text[number++] = "Ryan is a temp, and that means that he could go at any time. Am I worried about that? Try scared to death."
random_text[number++] = "Man, this must be torture for you."
random_text[number++] = "So, uh, what's the 411? Any news on the 'P' situation?"
random_text[number++] = "It's Grrrrrrape! Soda."
random_text[number++] = "Hey you know what we could do? We could spread out a blanket in the break room. Have a little picnic, order some 'za. Talk about you know who."
random_text[number++] = "Oh man, you should order milk. Get it?"
random_text[number++] = "Why do I like Hooters? Well I will give you two reasons, the boobs and the hot wings."
random_text[number++] = "Mmmm, sounds yummy. I will have a chicken breast hold the chicken."
random_text[number++] = "Including prep time?"
random_text[number++] = "If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds and nobody would ever know I had ever been here. And I'd forget too."
random_text[number++] = "You're not his friend, you don't know. He is in love with a girl he works with who's engaged. So just cut me some slack. Please?"
random_text[number++] = "You know what Kevin? Jim is a friend of mine, so the only people that this crush really concerns is Jim and Pam... and me."
random_text[number++] = "You are so busted. Ice skates, shopping bags? I think I know what's going on here. You weren't sick at all."
random_text[number++] = "So I can use his malfeasance to establish leverage. Otherwise, it's just malfeasance for malfeasanceses-ses sake."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, I thought that was more on a volunteer basis."
random_text[number++] = "People are always coming to me. 'Michael, I have a secret. You're the only one I trust.'"
random_text[number++] = "An emergency like, you have an ice cream cake, and you're in the sun, and it's melting?"
random_text[number++] = "You don't use it to buy refrigerators, Kevin!"
random_text[number++] = "Drew. I'm Drew now."
random_text[number++] = "I've got a new attitude. And a new name. And... a bunch of new techniques for dealing with the grumpies."
random_text[number++] = "I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday... for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna."
random_text[number++] = "Dwight says that he actually doesn't know one single fact about bear attacks."
random_text[number++] = "Jim, tell him that bears can climb faster than they can run. Jim! Tell him!"
random_text[number++] = "And if I know Darryl, it gonna be zoppity."
random_text[number++] = "'Hey Darryl, how's it hangin'?!'"
random_text[number++] = "Toby now has the floor... and he is going to try not to screw this up, like everything else in his life."
random_text[number++] = "This is shenanigans, foolishness, NERF-ball. You live a sweet, little, NERF-y life. Sittin' on your biscuit. Never havin' to risk it."
random_text[number++] = "What, NERF isn't cool anymore?"
random_text[number++] = "Really, ten? That's your guess? You're a professional accountant."
random_text[number++] = "You go to the science museum and you put your hand on a metal ball, your hair sticks up straight... and you know science."
random_text[number++] = "Indubitably."
random_text[number++] = "Ta-freakin'-da!"
random_text[number++] = "Creed is eating an apple. I found a potato."
random_text[number++] = "Find out whose car that is. If it's Stanley's, call the offices of James P. Albini, see if he handles hate crimes."
random_text[number++] = "When you land, try and land like an eight year-old. These bouncy castles are not designed for adults."
random_text[number++] = "Michael is awesome! Jumpin' off the roof! Bouncin' on the bouncy bounce! Show 'em who's boss! Rip a hole in the suuuuuuun!"
random_text[number++] = "Un-shun. Never. Re-shun."
random_text[number++] = "The stress of my modern office, has caused me to go into a depression."
random_text[number++] = "Dwight, you ignorant slut."
random_text[number++] = "Depression is a very serious illness. Over 32 thousand people commit suicide every year! According to a 2004 study!"
random_text[number++] = "My head is in such pain! And turmoil!"
random_text[number++] = "If someone gives you 10,000 to 1 on anything, you take it. If John Mellencamp ever wins an Oscar, I am going to be a very rich dude."
random_text[number++] = "I Braveheart."
random_text[number++] = "I saved a life. My own. Am I a hero? I really can't say. But, yes."
random_text[number++] = "You look as beautiful as the Queen of England."
random_text[number++] = "We usually marry standing in our own graves. Makes the funerals very romantic, but the weddings are a bleak affair."
random_text[number++] = "Wow. That is... that is pungent. I lost my train of thought."
random_text[number++] = "There are too many people on this Earth. We need a new plague."
random_text[number++] = "I look really good in white."
random_text[number++] = "Congratulations, Phyllis. You look lovely. Your dress is very white. So white, my eyes are burning."
random_text[number++] = "Attention, please. I am supposed to ask if anyone has seen Uncle Al. He is old and has brown eyes and dementia."
random_text[number++] = "Webster's Dictionary defines 'wedding' as the fusing of two metals with a hot torch."
random_text[number++] = "For your convenience, I've broken it down into three parts: professional resume, athletic and special skills resume, and Dwight Schrute trivia."
random_text[number++] = "How would I describe myself? Three words. Hard-working, Alpha male, Jackhammer, Merciless, Insatiable."
random_text[number++] = "All four parts. Recorded it on my computer. It took me forever."
random_text[number++] = "I miss Dwight. Congratulations, universe. You win."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, hello, Oscar. How was your gay-cation?"
random_text[number++] = "Gonna go home. Get my beer on. Get my 'Lost' on."
random_text[number++] = "Which is like, 'Right on.' And Pam was like 'blah blah blah' and you were like 'Yeah, psht.' Nailed it."
random_text[number++] = "He's always up in my bidness. Which is ebonics for 'being in my face and annoying the bejesus out of me.'"
random_text[number++] = "I don't understand how someone could have so little self-awareness."
random_text[number++] = "Your gayness does not define you. Your Mexican-ness is what defines you to me. And I think we should celebrate Oscar's Mexicanity."
random_text[number++] = "So Phyllis... I want you to go find firecrackers. And a Chihuahua. Pam, in the frozen food section, Swanson makes a delightful chimichanga."
random_text[number++] = "I will literally be standing right here if you need anything at all."
random_text[number++] = "Who's that sportscaster that bit that lady? Marv something? Andy is like Marv Something. Great sportscaster. Big weirdo creep."
random_text[number++] = "Dwight has a big personality and I have a big personality. And a lot of times when two people like that get together it can be explosive."
random_text[number++] = "I don't trust you, Phyllis!"
random_text[number++] = "Here's a little newsflash! It's not funny! In fact, it's pretty freakin' unfunny!"
random_text[number++] = "That... was an overreaction. Gonna hit the break room. Does anybody want anything? Pam, you good?"
random_text[number++] = "It takes a big man to admit his mistake. And I am that big man."
random_text[number++] = "I think we broke his brain."
random_text[number++] = "No, let the record show that Dwight K. Schrute is now completely nude and is holding a plastic knife to Stanley's neck?!"
random_text[number++] = "Dwight, what is that on your stomach? Is that a Muppet Babies tattoo?"
random_text[number++] = "I am now chopping off Phyllis' head with a chainsaw! ... Rin-in-in-in-in-in!"
random_text[number++] = "You are not as much fun as your Jamaican brothers... mon."
random_text[number++] = "He said it would be like we were living together. In different houses. Two blocks away."
random_text[number++] = "Feelin' hot, hot, hot! That's all I know so far, but I'm gonna keep practicing."
random_text[number++] = "Inventory is boring. In the islands, they don't make you do stuff like take inventory. Why do you think so many businesses move to the Caymans?"
random_text[number++] = "How hard is a luau? All you need are some grass skirts, pineapple, poi, tiki torches, suckling pig, some fire dancers. That's all you need."
random_text[number++] = "No, no, no. No, that's a German woman named Urkel Grue."
random_text[number++] = "Sex. We had sex. I had sex with her. I had sex with Jan."
random_text[number++] = "OK, wait a second. I sent it to you at... Packer@DunderMifflin.com... Packaging'@DunderMifflin.com. Uh oh."
random_text[number++] = "Boring. Call me if she rolls over."
random_text[number++] = "It contains a file, a picture. The file name is 'Jamaican Jan Sun Princess.'"
random_text[number++] = "I help Phyllis all the time. Just yesterday, I untangled a piece of tape from her hair. So, yeah."
random_text[number++] = "I bet you would love all the details, wouldn't you? Skeevy little perv."
random_text[number++] = "No, no, no. I am not dating Jan. She was very clear about that."
random_text[number++] = "Did you try the petting zoo?"
random_text[number++] = "Tell her I'm not here. Tell... tell her, I ran out for cash. I hit a deer. I hit a deer with my car. Tell her I hit a cat. Tell her I hit a cat."
random_text[number++] = "So you're PMSing pretty bad, huh?"
random_text[number++] = "And I, to you, in addition, feel the same feelings that you are as well."
random_text[number++] = "Jan, you... complete... me."
random_text[number++] = "What am I going to do? I'm gonna hang it up at home. I don't have a lot of art."
random_text[number++] = "I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks."
random_text[number++] = "You ruined a funny joke, you. Get out of my offive."
random_text[number++] = "If you bring your boss to class, it automatically bumps you up a full letter grade. So... I'd be stupid not to do it, right?"
random_text[number++] = "Whenever I'm about to do something, I think, 'Would an idiot do that?' And if they would, I do not do that thing."
random_text[number++] = "May your hats fly as high as your dreams."
random_text[number++] = "Pam's with Roy. I'm with Karen. And, uh, Brangelina is with Frangelina. Movin' on."
random_text[number++] = "Campus. Brings back so many memories. ... That I would have made."
random_text[number++] = "Poop is raining from the ceilings. Poop!"
random_text[number++] = "The bat, I mean, I know I felt it bite me, but look. There's no mark. I feel so... tingly... so strangely powerful... Oh well."
random_text[number++] = "There are four kinds of business: Tourism. Food service. Railroads, and sales. And hospitals slash manufacturing. And air travel."
random_text[number++] = "If a vampire bat was in the U.S., it would make sense for it to come to a 'sylvania.' Like PENN-sylvania."
random_text[number++] = "Or... a Whatchamacallit. Now, you need to sell those in order to have a PayDay. And, if you sell enough of them, you will make a 100 Grand. Satisfied?"
random_text[number++] = "The more stickers you sell, the more profit, fancy word for money, you have to buy PlayStations and Beanie Babies."
random_text[number++] = "But I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog."
random_text[number++] = "You know what else is facing five Goliaths? America. Al-Qaeda, global warming, sex predators... mercury poisoning."
random_text[number++] = "Ryan... has never made a sale. And he started a fire trying to make a cheesy pita. And everybody thinks he's a tease."
random_text[number++] = "Business is always personal. It's the most personal thing in the world."
random_text[number++] = "It's cool if I go, right? I mean, I looked at all of them."
random_text[number++] = "Your art.. was the prettiest art of... all art."
random_text[number++] = "Fact. Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica."
random_text[number++] = "Identity theft is not a joke, Jim! Millions of families suffer every year!"
random_text[number++] = "I am upset. Don't I sound upset?"
random_text[number++] = "Everybody in here. STAT. No time to lose. Cri-Man-Squa. F and C, doubletime."
random_text[number++] = "Midnight, Oscar!'"
random_text[number++] = "This day is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. This day is bananas! B-A-N-A-"
random_text[number++] = "I don't have a headache. I'm just preparing."
random_text[number++] = "I need two men on this. That's what she said. No time! But she did. NO TIME!"
random_text[number++] = "That's what happened to O.J."
random_text[number++] = "I will do whatever it takes to survive. Like I did... when I was a homeless man."
random_text[number++] = "I like ice cream too, mate. Alligators and dingo babies."
random_text[number++] = "Beer me!"
random_text[number++] = "I always say 'Beer me.' Gets a laugh like a quarter of the time."
random_text[number++] = "Check out this sunshine, man. Global warming, right? Today was supposed to be really cold, I bet."
random_text[number++] = "Lord, beer me strength."
random_text[number++] = "Those are the money beets."
random_text[number++] = "Mrs. Allen is our most important client... because every client is our most important client. Even though she's a pretty unimportant client, really."
random_text[number++] = "Not important. Because you're not dating her. Because it's a felony."
random_text[number++] = "May I point out that the sex appeared to be consensual? Both animals were smiling."
random_text[number++] = "Goat on chicken. Chicken on goat. Couple of chickens doin' a goat, couple of pigs watching. Whoever drew this got it exactly right."
random_text[number++] = "I grew up on a farm. I have seen animals having sex in every position imaginable."
random_text[number++] = "Yeah, well I'm calling the Ungrateful Bi-atch Hotline!"
random_text[number++] = "By now you are probably sick of hearing about Dunder Mifflin and our embarrassing watermark boner."
random_text[number++] = "Uh, you could never withstand a SWAT team."
random_text[number++] = "If I could leave you with one thought, remember... it wasn't me."
random_text[number++] = "If I am fired, I swear to God, that every single piece of copier paper in this town is going to have the F-word on it. The F-word. You have one day."
random_text[number++] = "I feel terrible about Debbie Brown. She got fired because of Dwight."
random_text[number++] = "Ah-luh-luh, a little comment. Muh."
random_text[number++] = "Hey, Karen, wanna get t-together later and have sexual intercourse cause you're my girlfriend?"
random_text[number++] = "MAGIC MAGIC Magic Magic magic magic..."
random_text[number++] = "And now, Michael the Magic, will attempt to escape from extreme bondage."
random_text[number++] = "Separately, on an unrelated note, if you happen to find a small brass key..."
random_text[number++] = "Ready? Come on guys. Early worm gets the worm."
random_text[number++] = "Another worm? Like, are they friends?"
random_text[number++] = "Let me smell. ... Good, not great."
random_text[number++] = "So, look out world, cause ol' Pammy is getting what she wants. And, don't call me Pammy."
random_text[number++] = "Only really good friends show up early. Ergo de facto. Go to a party really early. Become a really good friend."
random_text[number++] = "It's been sitting in my car all day. Sun beating down on the mayonnaise. Just, you never know."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, you know that line on the top of the shrimp? That's feces."
random_text[number++] = "Downside? I, uh, date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star."
random_text[number++] = "Why is this so hard? That's what she said. Oh my God. What am I saying?"
random_text[number++] = "Do you ever watch Battlestar Galactica? No? Then you are an idiot."
random_text[number++] = "I'm the only one left. Everyone else was either fired or quit. And there is one in Anger Management."
random_text[number++] = "I run a small fake ID company from my car with a laminating machine I swiped from the sheriff's station."
random_text[number++] = "Why are we going in the bathroom? I thought this is where you liked your privacy."
random_text[number++] = "Oh good, you're up. Hey, who makes this chair?"
random_text[number++] = "I found some termite damage in a crawl space and some structural flaws in the foundation so all in all, it was a pretty fun cocktail party."
random_text[number++] = "I want the house, Jan. I want the picket fence. I want the ketchup fights and the tickling, and the giggling."
random_text[number++] = "Don't break up you guys, you're great together."
random_text[number++] = "I'm gonna kill Jim Halpert."
random_text[number++] = "OK, I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disadulation."
random_text[number++] = "I think I just got flashed."
random_text[number++] = "OK, I'll call the real police."
random_text[number++] = "The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what's all the fuss?"
random_text[number++] = "If that's flashing, then lock me up."
random_text[number++] = "Um... I mean did he even see Pam? Or, uh... Karen from behind?"
random_text[number++] = "Oh, come on. We are laughing at Phyllis, but she's not even here, so no harm, no foul."
random_text[number++] = "Uh-huh. Prove it. Let's see your penis. ... ... I... you know, as that was coming out of my mouth, I knew that it was wrong."
random_text[number++] = "And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop. Although last time... she pretended she didn't hear me."
random_text[number++] = "For example, Jan and I have a safe word in case things go too far. Foliage. "
random_text[number++] = "Better 1,000 innocent men are locked up than one guilty man roam free."
random_text[number++] = "There are several penises there I'd love Phyllis to run her eyes over. You know, see if we can catch this pervert."
random_text[number++] = "Dwight, are those your pants? That's a Polaroid. "
random_text[number++] = "And I know... I know what you're thinking. [Pam nods] Won't that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take."
random_text[number++] = "Phallus?"
random_text[number++] = "Phyllis, sorry. I've got penises on the brain. Back to work, everybody."
random_text[number++] = "Especially if it had been Jim. He would not have wanted me to have seen Jim's... Whoo, I am... I am saying a lot of things."
random_text[number++] = "Attention. I am removing all bananas from the kitchen."
random_text[number++] = "If Pam wants to show more cleavage, she should be able to. I encourage that."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, I don't know, James. Did I come from a woman? Have I slept with a woman? More than one?"
random_text[number++] = "Those are collectible action figures and they're worth more than your car."
random_text[number++] = "You know what? I am the expert. I will conduct it. I know the crap out of women."
random_text[number++] = "Nobody likes to be flashed. When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party, I nearly vomited."
random_text[number++] = "Even the hot ones aren't really that skinny."
random_text[number++] = "No. I'm being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist."
random_text[number++] = "Michael. When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian."
random_text[number++] = "My car, my rules."
random_text[number++] = "I think you mean a girl's locker room. And in the fantasy, there's usually girls in it."
random_text[number++] = "Many women are competent drivers."
random_text[number++] = "This is what we know'."
random_text[number++] = "I figured. It's cool. I don't <20> I wouldn't want to be in an office relationship anyway."
random_text[number++] = "What is a Pap smear? Or is it 'shmear?' Like the cream cheese."
random_text[number++] = "Awesome. Um, awful, I mean. But, uh, sometimes awesome."
random_text[number++] = "I just... I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress."
random_text[number++] = "Sometimes, the clothes at GapKids are just too flashy. So I'm forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls."
random_text[number++] = "Jan says anything that doesn't scare us is not worth doing."
random_text[number++] = "I don't know. Maybe we're different people. I like cuddling and spooning and she likes videotaping us during sex."
random_text[number++] = "And then watching it back right afterward to improve my form."
random_text[number++] = "No, it's not that bad. The worst part is that she shows it to her therapist and they discuss it."
random_text[number++] = "You guys... what are we gonna do about Jan?"
random_text[number++] = "Breasts: not anything to write home about. Insecure about body. I'm unhappy when I'm with her. Flat-chested."
random_text[number++] = "She's totally flat. Shrunken chesticles."
random_text[number++] = "But... for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked."
random_text[number++] = "I'm a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing. I like to go in the women's room for number two. I've been caught several times and I have paid dearly."
random_text[number++] = "You know what, I would love to buy you a fresh set of underwear."
random_text[number++] = "Do you have a... a crescent? A crescent Allan?"
random_text[number++] = "Dunder-Mifflin paper/sex predator hotline, this is Dwight Schrute."
random_text[number++] = "Not it. I don't have eggs."
random_text[number++] = "About 40 times a year, Michael gets really sick, but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, is it possible you ate food that contained animal waste?"
random_text[number++] = "It was never my intention to ruin a life. But you know what? Sometimes... you just gots to get your freak on."
random_text[number++] = "May God guide you in your quest."
random_text[number++] = "Michael is taking the whole office to the beach. So I'm wearing my bathing suit underneath my shirt. Oh, yeah... I packed it in my purse."
random_text[number++] = "Oscar, you brought your Speedo, I assume?"
random_text[number++] = "Well, you can't swim in leather pants. I'm just yankin' your chain. Not literally."
random_text[number++] = "I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head."
random_text[number++] = "I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted."
random_text[number++] = "If you don't like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus."
random_text[number++] = "I hope there will be management parables."
random_text[number++] = "Jim Halpert. Pros: smart, cool, good-looking. Remind you of anybody you know?"
random_text[number++] = "Dwight is an obvious candidate for my job. He has the best sales record in the office. He loves the work. He is, however, an idiot."
random_text[number++] = "No, the blue team."
random_text[number++] = "Andy Bernard. Pros: He's classy. He gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him."
random_text[number++] = "There's already a twist, you're carrying an egg on a spoon."
random_text[number++] = "I see these contests as an opportunity for me to demonstrate what a good sport I am. Mallard!"
random_text[number++] = "There's nothing better than a beautiful day at the beach, filled with sun, surf, and uh... diligent note-taking."
random_text[number++] = "Just eat it, eat it, Phyllis. Dip it in the water so it'll slide down your gullet more easily."
random_text[number++] = "The winner gets a regional manager's salary for a year, and a Sebring, and the feeling that they are making a difference in the world."
random_text[number++] = "I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than work for somebody else in this office besides myself. Game on!"
random_text[number++] = "Nobody told me we were going to have hot dogs!"
random_text[number++] = "Now I am saying sabotage. The ancient Dutch art of screwing up your own team."
random_text[number++] = "If Michael organizes some kind of group hug, stand next to me."
random_text[number++] = "Oh, my God. I have never seen that look in a man's eyes... ever. I thought that I might die. On beach day."
random_text[number++] = "I think I might try girls for a while. Angela thinks I can cross over. We'll see."
random_text[number++] = "Angela, it's pretty simple! Look at what I'm doing and go tell somebody about it!"
random_text[number++] = "At various times you gave Jim ten points, Dwight a gold star, and Stanley a thumbs up. And I don't really know how to compare those units."
random_text[number++] = "How so? I mean... sure thing, that sounds smart... I can't do this anymore! I'm goin' to sit in the bus."
random_text[number++] = "I'm gonna do it. And I fully expect to burn my feet and go to the hospital."
random_text[number++] = "Hello? Who's there? My name is Andrew Bernard, I was with a group called Dunder Mifflin. Hello?"
random_text[number++] = "Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And now we're not even friends."
random_text[number++] = "What's different about you? You look worse."
random_text[number++] = "What's up, Big Haircut? You are no longer Big Tuna. From henceforth, you shall be known as Big Haircut."
random_text[number++] = "Karen suggested that I get a haircut for the interview tomorrow so that I could look presentable and not, as she so lovingly puts it, homeless."
random_text[number++] = "Pam is... kind of a bitch."
random_text[number++] = "Convoys are really fun. Pull up next to each other, give each other the finger... Moon each other."
random_text[number++] = "Are you kidding? I would have never done that. It was pathetic-ville. No offense, Pam."
random_text[number++] = "You know what? Don't even worry about it. Everyone was so drunk, I bet no one even remembers what you said."
random_text[number++] = "www.creedthoughts.gov.www/creedthoughts. Check it out."
random_text[number++] = "I sold it on eBay. The buyer was very motivated, as was I. It went for eighty percent of what I paid. Sold in record time."
random_text[number++] = "My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified."
random_text[number++] = "Pam, Defcon ten. Houston, we have a problem."
random_text[number++] = "Weird. Yeah, I didn't get both of your messages."
random_text[number++] = "No, it's fine. I'm sure it must have been weird for Jim when Roy and I were joking around... that one time."
random_text[number++] = "I would never do that. Waste of money. In my experience, guys are way more attracted to the back of you than the front."
random_text[number++] = "I am gonna be your new boss. It's my greatest dream come true. Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check in time is now. Check out time is never."
random_text[number++] = "No. And the sheets are made of fire."
random_text[number++] = "Sorry, we're all booked up. Hell convention in town."
random_text[number++] = "You're not the manager even in your own fantasy?"
random_text[number++] = "I'm the owner. The co-owner. With Satan!"
random_text[number++] = "Okay, just so I understand it, in your wildest fantasy you are in Hell and you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil?"
random_text[number++] = "I love fake boobs. Often times, you find them on strippers."
random_text[number++] = "I find it offensive. Au natural, baby. That's how I like 'em. Swing low, sweet chariots."
random_text[number++] = "I'll tell you this, it is not because of the boob job. Excuse me, boob enhancement."
random_text[number++] = "That would be shallow. And this is the opposite of shallow. This is... emotionally magnificent."
random_text[number++] = "Cause I am what I am. ... That's Popeye."
random_text[number++] = "I agree. But in another way, I am off to a very good start, wouldn't you say?"
random_text[number++] = "I am a great interviewee. Why? Because I have something no one else has: my brain. Which I use to my advantage, when advantageous."
random_text[number++] = "Your advice was good, but Jan's was bigger."
random_text[number++] = "That is Beardy."
random_text[number++] = "Just say, 'I want to squeeze them.' It's code. She'll know what it means."
random_text[number++] = "I learned from Jim, if Dwight ever asks you to accept something secret... you reply, 'Absolutely, I do.'"
random_text[number++] = "So ten thousand of your dollars is worth one real dollar?"
random_text[number++] = "There's a new sheriff here in these offices, and his name is 'me.'"
random_text[number++] = "In fact, I'll give you a billion Stanley Nickels if you never talk to me again."
random_text[number++] = "What's the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks?"
random_text[number++] = "The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns."
random_text[number++] = "Is it because of these?"
random_text[number++] = "Hey! You're<i/> unstable!"
random_text[number++] = "David, I did not tell her."
random_text[number++] = "I could wear stretch pants and wait for you to come home at 5:15. It could work. This could work, really!"
random_text[number++] = "Why is my office black?"
random_text[number++] = "So I'm back. And I am never, ever going to leave. I am going nowhere."
random_text[number++] = "This place... is like... the hospital where I was born, my house, my old age home, and my... graveyard... for my bones."
random_text[number++] = "But, uh, until then... I can hold my head up. ... I'm not gay."
random_text[number++] = "Pam. Sorry. Um, are you free for dinner tonight?"
random_text[number++] = "All right. Then... it's a date."
random_text[number++] = "I'm sorry, what was the question?"
random_text[number++] = "Oh no, it's bad. It's real bad. It's like eating a hot circle of garbage."
random_text[number++] = "No, you don't even know what stupid is. It's about to get all stupid up in here!"
random_text[number++] = "Stanley, could you look up 'accomplices'?"
random_text[number++] = "I'm not kidnapping him, I'm keeping him until I get what I want."
random_text[number++] = "Yes, is Alfredo there? Can I speak to a manager then?"
random_text[number++] = "We're all accomplices now anyway, so we figured we might as well eat."
random_text[number++] = "We would like to order some good pizza, from Alfredo's Pizza Cafe, while we wait for the hostage situation with the bad pizza to end."
random_text[number++] = "I stole it!"
random_text[number++] = "If anyone out there is listening, I'm being held here against my will. I'm a minor."
random_text[number++] = "If you're going number one you've got ten more seconds!"
random_text[number++] = "Oh my God, oh my God, no, no, no. I kidnapped a kid."
random_text[number++] = "Take a chance on me, that's all I ask of you Angela."
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<p><a href="/">Home</a><br />
<a href="/contactMe.php">Contact Me</a><br />
<a href="/topQuotes.php">Top Quotes</a><br />
<a href="/fanLove.php">Fan Love</a><br />
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<a href="/linksPage.php">Links</a></p>
<p><u><b>Season I</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no1-01.php">Pilot</a><br />
02. <a href="/no1-02.php">Diversity Day</a><br />
03. <a href="/no1-03.php">Health Care</a><br />
04. <a href="/no1-04.php">The Alliance</a><br />
05. <a href="/no1-05.php">Basketball</a><br />
06. <a href="/no1-06.php">Hot Girl</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season II</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no2-01.php">The Dundies</a><br />
02. <a href="/no2-02.php">Sexual Harassment</a><br />
03. <a href="/no2-03.php">Office Olympics</a><br />
04. <a href="/no2-04.php">The Fire</a><br />
05. <a href="/no2-05.php">Halloween</a><br />
06. <a href="/no2-06.php">The Fight</a><br />
07. <a href="/no2-07.php">The Client</a><br />
08. <a href="/no2-08.php">Performance Review</a><br />
09. <a href="/no2-09.php">E-mail Surveillance</a><br />
10. <a href="/no2-10.php">Christmas Party</a><br />
11. <a href="/no2-11.php">Booze Cruise</a><br />
12. <a href="/no2-12.php">The Injury</a><br />
13. <a href="/no2-13.php">The Secret</a><br />
14. <a href="/no2-14.php">The Carpet</a><br />
15. <a href="/no2-15.php">Boys and Girls</a><br />
16. <a href="/no2-16.php">Valentine&#8217;s Day</a><br />
17. <a href="/no2-17.php">Dwight&#8217;s Speech</a><br />
18. <a href="/no2-18.php">Take Your Daughter to Work Day</a><br />
19. <a href="/no2-19.php">Michael&#8217;s Birthday</a><br />
20. <a href="/no2-20.php">Drug Testing</a><br />
21. <a href="/no2-21.php">Conflict Resolution</a><br />
22. <a href="/no2-22.php">Casino Night</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season III</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no3-01.php">Gay Witch Hunt</a><br />
02. <a href="/no3-02.php">The Convention</a><br />
03. <a href="/no3-03.php">The Coup</a><br />
04. <a href="/no3-04.php">Grief Counseling</a><br />
05. <a href="/no3-05.php">Initiation</a><br />
06. <a href="/no3-06.php">Diwali</a><br />
07. <a href="/no3-07.php">Branch Closing</a><br />
08. <a href="/no3-08.php">The Merger</a><br />
09. <a href="/no3-09.php">The Convict</a><br />
10. <a href="/no3-10.php">A Benihana Christmas</a><br />
11. <a href="/no3-11.php">Back From Vacation</a><br />
12. <a href="/no3-12.php">Traveling Salesmen</a><br />
13. <a href="/no3-13.php">The Return</a><br />
14. <a href="/no3-14.php">Ben Franklin</a><br />
15. <a href="/no3-15.php">Phyllis&#8217; Wedding</a><br />
16. <a href="/no3-16.php">Business School</a><br />
17. <a href="/no3-17.php">Cocktails</a><br />
18. <a href="/no3-18.php">The Negotiation</a><br />
19. <a href="/no3-19.php">Safety Training</a><br />
20. <a href="/no3-20.php">Product Recall</a><br />
21. <a href="/no3-21.php">Women&#8217;s Appreciation</a><br />
22. <a href="/no3-22.php">Beach Games</a><br />
23. <a href="/no3-23.php">The Job</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season IV</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no4-01.php">Fun Run</a><br />
02. <a href="/no4-02.php">Dunder Mifflin Infinity</a><br />
03. <a href="/no4-03.php">Launch Party</a><br />
04. <a href="/no4-04.php">Money</a><br />
05. <a href="/no4-05.php">Local Ad</a><br />
06. <a href="/no4-06.php">Branch Wars</a><br />
07. <a href="/no4-07.php">Survivor Man</a><br />
08. <a href="/no4-08.php">The Deposition</a><br />
09. <a href="/no4-09.php">Dinner Party</a><br />
10. <a href="/no4-10.php">Chair Model</a><br />
11. <a href="/no4-11.php">Night Out</a><br />
12. <a href="/no4-12.php">Did I Stutter?</a><br />
13. <a href="/no4-13.php">Job Fair</a><br />
14. <a href="/no4-14.php">Goodbye Toby</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season V</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no5-01.php">Weight Loss</a><br />
02. <a href="/no5-02.php">Business Ethics</a><br />
03. <a href="/no5-03.php">Baby Shower</a><br />
04. <a href="/no5-04.php">Crime Aid</a><br />
05. <a href="/no5-05.php">Employee Transfer</a><br />
06. <a href="/no5-06.php">Customer Survey</a><br />
07. <a href="/no5-07.php">Business Trip</a><br />
08. <a href="/no5-08.php">Frame Toby</a><br />
09. <a href="/no5-09.php">The Surplus</a><br />
10. <a href="/no5-10.php">Moroccan Christmas</a><br />
11. <a href="/no5-11.php">The Duel</a><br />
12. <a href="/no5-12.php">Prince Family Paper</a><br />
13. <a href="/no5-13.php">Stress Relief</a><br />
14. <a href="/no5-14.php">Lecture Circuit 1</a><br />
15. <a href="/no5-15.php">Lecture Circuit 2</a><br />
16. <a href="/no5-16.php">Blood Drive</a><br />
17. <a href="/no5-17.php">Golden Ticket</a><br />
18. <a href="/no5-18.php">New Boss</a><br />
19. <a href="/no5-19.php">Two Weeks</a><br />
20. <a href="/no5-20.php">Dream Team</a><br />
21. <a href="/no5-21.php">Michael Scott Paper Company</a><br />
22. <a href="/no5-22.php">Heavy Competition</a><br />
23. <a href="/no5-23.php">Broke</a><br />
24. <a href="/no5-24.php">Casual Friday</a><br />
25. <a href="/no5-25.php">Cafe Disco</a><br />
26. <a href="/no5-26.php">Company Picnic</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season VI</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no6-01.php">Gossip</a><br />
02. <a href="/no6-02.php">The Meeting</a><br />
03. <a href="/no6-03.php">The Promotion</a><br />
04. <a href="/no6-04.php">Niagara</a><br />
05. <a href="/no6-05.php">Mafia</a><br />
06. <a href="/no6-06.php">The Lover</a><br />
07. <a href="/no6-07.php">Koi Pond</a><br />
08. <a href="/no6-08.php">Double Date</a><br />
09. <a href="/no6-09.php">Murder</a><br />
10. <a href="/no6-10.php">Shareholder Meeting</a><br />
11. <a href="/no6-11.php">Scott&#8217;s Tots</a><br />
12. <a href="/no6-12.php">Secret Santa</a><br />
13. <a href="/no6-13.php">The Banker</a><br />
14. <a href="/no6-14.php">Sabre</a><br />
15. <a href="/no6-15.php">Manager and Salesman</a><br />
16. <a href="/no6-16.php">The Delivery</a><br />
17. <a href="/no6-17.php">St. Patrick&#8217;s Day</a><br />
18. <a href="/no6-18.php">New Leads</a><br />
19. <a href="/no6-19.php">Happy Hour</a><br />
20. <a href="/no6-20.php">Secretary&#8217;s Day</a><br />
21. <a href="/no6-21.php">Body Language</a><br />
22. <a href="/no6-22.php">The Cover-Up</a><br />
23. <a href="/no6-23.php">The Chump</a><br />
24. <a href="/no6-24.php">Whistleblower</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season VII</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no7-01.php">Nepotism</a><br />
02. <a href="/no7-02.php">Counseling</a><br />
03. <a href="/no7-03.php">Andy&#8217;s Play</a><br />
04. <a href="/no7-04.php">Sex Ed</a><br />
05. <a href="/no7-05.php">The Sting</a><br />
06. <a href="/no7-06.php">Costume Contest</a><br />
07. <a href="/no7-07.php">Christening</a><br />
08. <a href="/no7-08.php">Viewing Party</a><br />
09. <a href="/no7-09.php">WUPHF.com</a><br />
10. <a href="/no7-10.php">China</a><br />
11. <a href="/no7-11.php">Classy Christmas</a><br />
12. <a href="/no7-12.php">Ultimatum</a><br />
13. <a href="/no7-13.php">The Seminar</a><br />
14. <a href="/no7-14.php">The Search</a><br />
15. <a href="/no7-15.php">PDA</a><br />
16. <a href="/no7-16.php">Threat Level Midnight</a><br />
17. <a href="/no7-17.php">Todd Packer</a><br />
18. <a href="/no7-18.php">Garage Sale</a><br />
19. <a href="/no7-19.php">Trainin Day</a><br />
20. <a href="/no7-20.php">Michael&#8217;s Last Dundies</a><br />
21. <a href="/no7-21.php">Goodbye Michael</a><br />
22. <a href="/no7-22.php">The Inner Circle</a><br />
23. <a href="/no7-23.php">Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager</a><br />
24. <a href="/no7-24.php">Search Committee</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season VIII</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no8-01.php">The List</a><br />
02. <a href="/no8-02.php">The Incentive</a><br />
03. <a href="/no8-03.php">Lotto</a><br />
04. <a href="/no8-04.php">Garden Party</a><br />
05. <a href="/no8-05.php">Spooked</a><br />
06. <a href="/no8-06.php">Doomsday</a><br />
07. <a href="/no8-07.php">Pam&#8217;s Replacement</a><br />
08. <a href="/no8-08.php">Gettysburg</a><br />
09. <a href="/no8-09.php">Mrs. California</a><br />
10. <a href="/no8-10.php">Christmas Wishes</a><br />
11. <a href="/no8-11.php">Trivia</a><br />
12. <a href="/no8-12.php">Pool Party</a><br />
13. <a href="/no8-13.php">Jury Duty</a><br />
14. <a href="/no8-14.php">Special Project</a><br />
15. <a href="/no8-15.php">Tallahasse</a><br />
16. <a href="/no8-16.php">After Hours</a><br />
17. <a href="/no8-17.php">Test the Store</a><br />
18. <a href="/no8-18.php">Last Day In Florida</a><br />
19. <a href="/no8-19.php">Get The Girl</a><br />
20. <a href="/no8-20.php">Welcome Party</a><br />
21. <a href="/no8-21.php">Angry Andy</a><br />
22. <a href="/no8-22.php">Fundraiser</a><br />
23. <a href="/no8-23.php">Turf War</a><br />
24. <a href="/no8-24.php">Free Family Portrait Studio</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season IX</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no9-01.php">New Guys</a><br />
02. <a href="/no9-02.php">Roy&#8217;s Wedding</a><br />
03. <a href="/no9-03.php">Andy&#8217;s Ancestry</a><br />
04. <a href="/no9-04.php">Work Bus</a><br />
05. <a href="/no9-05.php">Here Comes Treble</a><br />
06. <a href="/no9-06.php">The Boat</a><br />
07. <a href="/no9-07.php">The Whale</a><br />
08. <a href="/no9-08.php">The Target</a><br />
09. <a href="/no9-09.php">Dwight Christmas</a><br />
10. <a href="/no9-10.php">Lice</a><br />
11. <a href="/no9-11.php">Suit Warehouse</a><br />
12. <a href="/no9-12.php">Customer Loyalty</a><br />
13. <a href="/no9-13.php">Junior Salesman</a><br />
14. <a href="/no9-14.php">Vandalism</a><br />
15. <a href="/no9-15.php">Couples Discount</a><br />
16. <a href="/no9-16.php">Moving On</a><br />
17. <a href="/no9-17.php">The Farm</a><br />
18. <a href="/no9-18.php">Promos</a><br />
19. <a href="/no9-19.php">Stairmageddon</a><br />
20. <a href="/no9-20.php">Paper Airplane</a><br />
21. <a href="/no9-21.php">Livin&#8217; The Dream</a><br />
22. <a href="/no9-22.php">A.A.R.M</a><br />
23. <a href="/no9-23.php">Finale</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Other</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><a href="/webisodes.php">Webisodes &#8211; The Accountants</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-kevinsLoan.php">Webisodes &#8211; Kevin&#8217;s Loan</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-subtleSexuality.php">Webisodes &#8211; Subtle Sexuality</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-the3rdfloor.php">Webisodes &#8211; The 3rd floor</a><br />
<a href="/creedThoughts.php">Creed Thoughts</a><br />
<a href="/schruteSpace.php">Schrute Space</a></p>
</div>
</aside>
</div>
<main id="main" class="col-md-6 site-main" role="main">
<article id="post-117" class="post-117 post type-post status-publish format-standard hentry category-uncategorized">
<header class="entry-header">
<h1 class="entry-title">Season 4 &#8211; Episode 14 &#8220;Goodbye Toby&#8221;</h1>
<div class="entry-meta">
</div><!-- .entry-meta -->
</header><!-- .entry-header -->
<div class="entry-content">
<p> Written by Paul Lieberstein<br /> Directed by Paul Feig<br /> Original Air Date: May 15th, 2008 </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> [cell phone rings] Hello, this is Dwight Schrute. [phone keeps ringing] Hello?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> [presses button on headset] Hello, this is Dwight.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Hello? Hello?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Yes, we do have that. Hold on one second&#8230;<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Jim, what are you doing?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> And how many would you like?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Uh, uh, hang that up right now. Ha-<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Absolutely. We can get that out to you immediately.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> [into Jim&#8217;s headset] This man is an imposter! Do not do business with him! This is not Dwight Schrute! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Dwight left his cell phone on his desk. So, naturally, I paired it to my headset. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> [cell phone rings] K, fine. I&#8217;ll just let it go to voicemail.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> [presses button on headset] Hello, this is Dwight.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Hey, is this Dwight?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Yes it is.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Oh my goodness, you sound sexy.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Oh, thank you. I&#8217;ve been working out.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Woah, woah, woah, Pam!<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Have you?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Pam! You are not talking to Dwight right now. You are talking to Jim.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Dwight?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> No! [waves arms] Pam, I&#8217;m over here!<br /> <b>Pam:</b> I&#8217;m confused&#8230;<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Disconnect that right now. You give me your earpiece.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Can&#8217;t do that. Unsanitary.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Ugh! Okay, you know what? Fine. I will reprogram my phone to go to my office phone. [presses buttons on his cell phone] Done.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> [office phone rings at Jim&#8217;s desk] This is Dwight. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Oh, and I forwarded his desk phone to mine. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Oh, hello Mater. Good news:</b> I&#8217;ve married. Tell Fater. [hangs up] Such a nice woman.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> [slams cell phone on desk] Argh! Ahh!! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Today is Toby Flenderson&#8217;s last day. I couldn&#8217;t sleep last night. I came extra-early. So much energy&#8230; There are certain days you know you know you will remember for the rest of your life, and I just have a feeling that today is one of those days. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Toby:</b> Morning.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Mornin&#8217;. [to camera] So here we go, just a matter of hours now, until his horribleness has left the building. I&#8217;m going to set my watch alarm&#8230; And&#8230; [watch beeps] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Toby:</b> Good morning, Kelly.<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> I can&#8217;t believe this is your last day. How do you feel?<br /> <b>Toby:</b> Fine. Good.<br /> <b>Kelly:</b> I feel weird. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> First thing on the agenda-actually, the only thing on the agenda, is the status of Toby&#8217;s going away party.<br /> <b>Angela:</b> We have a buttercream cake and a slideshow of Toby.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Okay.<br /> <b>Angela:</b> But so far we only have two pictures of him.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Okay, well, this will not do. Toby is going away forever, and uh, we need to do something very very special. In some cultures, when somebody leaves, like New Orleans culture, they have a parade and they have a band and people party in the streets&#8230;<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Do you mean, leaves as in dies? You want us to throw Toby a New Orleans&#8217; funeral?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> If the Devil were to explode, and evil were gone forever, what sort of party would you have?<br /> <b>Angela:</b> Michael&#8230;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Like a beach blowout? Or a toga, toga-<br /> <b>Angela:</b> No. You know-no!<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Toga!<br /> <b>Angela:</b> You always do this! We have a nice, modest party planned, and then you come in and demand the world. Let me be clear. There is simply no money for anything other than a cake and to develop a few more slides&#8230; although Toby won&#8217;t be in them.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I thought that you might say that. [takes off his shoe; hums; takes out cash from shoe] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Every year, my sweet, sweet grandmother sends me a check on my birthday for fifty dollars. And lately, she has been sending me, like nine or ten checks a year&#8230; uh, as Nana starts to&#8230; but, I knew I should be saving it for something, I just didn&#8217;t know what I should be saving it for. And then I had an awakening. &#8220;Michael, buy a motorcycle.&#8221; So I put the money in my shoe, and then I forgot about it until now. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> I want a party that makes me feel like I am flying through the air without this&#8230; ugly weight holding me down, you know?&#8230; I want an antigravity machine. I saw it in a movie. You drink a potion, and then you just start floating all around.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> So how much antigravity potion do you want?<br /> <b>Angela:</b> No! No! You know what? This is not a party-planning committee anymore! And I don&#8217;t want your foot money, and I feel uncomfortable participating.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Phyllis, can you do this?<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> [whispers] Yes. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Hi, can I help you?<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Hi. Yes, uh, I&#8217;m Holly Flax. I was told to ask for a Mr. Flenderson? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Toby:</b> As part of my last day I&#8217;m training the new Human Resources rep in the ways of the company. Again, the company has allotted for this training-one day. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Toby:</b> So this is H.R. This is your desk.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> I love the view.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> Yeah, it&#8217;s great, isn&#8217;t it? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Hey. [kisses Jim on cheek]<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Hey&#8230; What?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Guess who just got into the Pratt School of Design.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> No way! What did I say? I said that they&#8217;d love those sketches. Congratulations!<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Oh, thank you! I don&#8217;t know why I doubted it, because I&#8217;m so clearly awesome!<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Yes! So when do you start?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> I don&#8217;t know, I didn&#8217;t read it carefully, I just saw &#8220;congratulations&#8221; and I skimmed the list, I saw my name, I came in here to tell you and get a snack.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Wow. Busy morning.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> So, you know it means I have to go to New York for three months&#8230;<br /> <b>Jim:</b> It&#8217;s not a big deal. I&#8217;ll come visit you. And you&#8217;ll visit me. It&#8217;s only two hours away. It&#8217;ll be fine. That part&#8217;s gonna suck, but it&#8217;ll be great.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Yeah, it sucks, but it&#8217;ll be great.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> See how easy that is?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Ohh&#8230; [they hug; she laughs] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> I wouldn&#8217;t go if things weren&#8217;t so solid with Jim. And down the road, if we have a family, I couldn&#8217;t go then either. So, the timing&#8217;s perfect&#8230; And that is the first time I&#8217;ve ever used the word &#8220;perfect&#8221; in here! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Toby:</b> Hey, Stanley&#8230;<br /> <b>Stanley:</b> Hmm?<br /> <b>Toby:</b> I want to introduce you to&#8230;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> [watching from his office] Toby&#8217;s replacement. Ugh. Wow.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> So what do we know about her?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Well, we know that Toby thinks she&#8217;ll be great. So, strike one, I hate her already.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> I hate her too.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Why do you hate her?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Because she&#8230; stinks&#8230; with her&#8230; ways&#8230; and her&#8230; head.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> You know, Dwight, sometimes&#8230; I don&#8217;t know, I think you say things just to agree with me.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Would that be such a bad thing?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yeah! It would! Just have a thought. Have an original thought. Although, I will agree that her head is weird. You know what we need to do?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> What?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> We need to sell her an elevator pass.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> But our, our elevator doesn&#8217;t require a pa&#8230; [gasps]<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Exactly. A little old-fashioned hazing. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Phyllis:</b> Hi. Are there any local companies that rent antigravity machines?<br /> <b>Woman over speakerphone:</b> Antigravity machines?<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> That&#8217;s right. Yeah.<br /> <b>Woman over speakerphone:</b> What do they do exactly?<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> They make you feel lighter&#8230;<br /> <b>Woman over speakerphone:</b> Antigravity&#8230; Um&#8230; Anti&#8230;depressants? I could put you through to someone on that.<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> Okay. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> [knock on door] Yeah.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> Hey Michael.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh, hey, do you still work here?<br /> <b>Toby:</b> I&#8217;d like to introduce you to my replacement.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Nah.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> Come on.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> No. I think I will pass.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> Michael Scott, this is Holly.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Hi.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Hi. Yeah. Right. Okay, well, they hired a female Toby. Good for the world. Thank you, God, for creating two of you. Here&#8217;s how things work here:</b> my job is to make the office fun. Your job is to make the office lame. And we have an eternal struggle, you and I. And only one of us can be the winner. Spoiler alert:</b> I&#8217;m gonna win.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Man, someone doesn&#8217;t like H.R.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yeah.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> [to Toby] What did you do to him?<br /> <b>Toby:</b> Nothing.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> T-No. He tortured me&#8230; with his awfulness.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Yeah, I know what you mean. I nearly fell asleep when he gave me a tour of the files. Um, well look, I&#8217;ll let you get back to work, but I-I really look forward to working with you, Mr. Scott.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Y-You can-Michael. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Thanks to Toby, I have a very strong prejudice against Human Resources. I believe that the department is a breeding ground for monsters. What I failed to consider though, is that not all monsters are bad. Like E.T. Is Holly our extraterrestrial? Maybe. Or maybe she&#8217;s just an awesome woman from this planet. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Creed:</b> [shaking Holly&#8217;s hand] The pleasure&#8217;s all mine.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Oh, thanks. I&#8217;m really looking forward to sitting down with you and finding out more about what you do here.<br /> <b>Creed:</b> Any time.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> What do you do here?<br /> <b>Creed:</b> &#8230;Excuse me. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Creed:</b> What is wrong with this woman? She&#8217;s asking about stuff that&#8217;s nobody&#8217;s business. &#8220;What do I do?&#8221;&#8230; Really, what do I do here? I should&#8217;ve written it down. &#8220;Qua&#8221; something, uh&#8230; qua&#8230; quar&#8230; quibo, qual&#8230;quir-quabity. Quabity assuance! No. No, no, no, no, but I&#8217;m getting close. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> [whispering] Have you been introduced to Kevin?<br /> <b>Holly:</b> No. Which one&#8217;s Kevin? [they glance over at Kevin subtly, who is stifling a giggle]<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> He&#8217;s here on a special work program. He&#8217;s slow, you know, in his brain.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Oh. Good for you guys.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Yeah. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> Hazing is a fun way to show a new employee that she is not welcome or liked. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> Accounting department, listen up. Holly, Human Resources. Angela, Oscar, and Kevin. [accountants mumble hellos]<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Hello. Hello. [to Kevin] Hi.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Hi.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> What do you do?<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> I do the numbers.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Oh, good for you.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Do you want a M&#038;M?<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Oh, no, that is so sweet. But thank you though.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Yeah. I keep them here at my desk so that everybody doesn&#8217;t take them.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Well that is a very safe place for them.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Yeah.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Here she is! Holly&#8230; You know, if we hung Holly from the ceiling, we&#8217;d have to kiss underneath of her. So-I know. Oh, sorry. Question, are you real, or are you a Hollygram?<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Oh&#8230; [laughs along] Nice, I&#8217;ve never heard that one before actually.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I bet.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> That&#8217;s good.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I bet. Are these guys boring your ears off?<br /> <b>Holly:</b> No, no, I&#8230;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh&#8230; What, um, what is your commute like? How long does it take to get in?<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Ooh, uh&#8230;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> You know, I should make you a mix. Do you have a, uh, a CD player?<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Um&#8230; Y-yeah. Okay.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> All right.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Thanks.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yep.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Great. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Do you like it? It&#8217;s a photo of everyone in the office. So you can take it to Costa Rica.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> You&#8217;re-you&#8217;re not in it.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Well I was taking the picture.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> I love it. I love it&#8230; I would love a picture of the two of us, to also take to Costa Rica.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Sure, do you have a camera here?<br /> <b>Toby:</b> No, uh&#8230; [shouts] Does anyone have a camera here? [no one answers him] No one has a camera here. Uh&#8230;<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Okay&#8230;<br /> <b>Toby:</b> I&#8217;m gonna&#8230; I&#8217;ll go get one. Stay. [runs out of the office] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> [on the phone] So I just got the fax closing the sale, and uh, it&#8217;s big. It is really big.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Congratulations!<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Thanks.<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Don&#8217;t interrupt.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> I just-<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Congratulations on doing your job. Did you enter the sale on the website?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> No, I didn&#8217;t. I just logged it in right here, so&#8230;<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> All right, try to be a team player here, Jim. Log it in the website.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> All right, well it already went through, so&#8230;<br /> <b>Ryan:</b> Don&#8217;t worry about that. Just re-log it. [hangs up]<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Hello? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> [listening to &#8220;Crash Into Me&#8221; on his computer] Hmm&#8230; Jim? [Jim comes into his office] I am downloading some N3P&#8230;<br /> <b>Jim:</b> That&#8217;s not it.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Music&#8230;<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Yeah.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> For a CD mix tape&#8230;<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Close.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> For Holly.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Mmhmm.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> And I&#8217;m looking for perfect songs that work on two levels.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> What are the two levels?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> The two levels being, uh, &#8220;Welcome to Scranton&#8221;&#8230;<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Mmhmm.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> And &#8220;I&#8230; love you.&#8221;<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Okay. Let&#8217;s start with the &#8220;I love you&#8221; level.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Hey, what&#8217;s the group that was from Scranton that made it big? Was that U2?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Yes. You don&#8217;t love Holly.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I think I do.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> But you just met her.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Well, it was love at first sight. Actually, it was-no, it was when I heard her voice. It was love at first see with my ears.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Oh, okay, it doesn&#8217;t work like that.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Well, you&#8217;re not a romantic.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Actually, I think I am. And I have a little bit of experience in office romance.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh really?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Yeah.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Like, with who?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> We&#8217;ve been through this.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Pam?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Yes, we are still dating. And guess what? I took it slow.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yeah, you took it too slow.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Well, we&#8217;re really happy.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> This thing with Holly feels a lot like love to me.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> And that&#8217;s really sweet. And you can think that. But you don&#8217;t say that out loud, and you definitely don&#8217;t say it to her.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I don&#8217;t want her to get away.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> I know. Here, Michael, you can court her as you get to know her, you know? I mean, the office is a great place for that. Pam and I, we got to know each other right out there. I mean, the first time we joked around was at my desk. And the first meal we ever had was, in the break room, actually. We were at two separate tables and, I remember that. The first time we kissed even, was right outside, and&#8230; Look, all I&#8217;m saying is that you can get to know someone really really well, like I did, right here at work. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> I was thinking&#8230; fireworks for the party. What do you think?<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> Oh boy. I appreciate your help, but I can&#8217;t&#8230;<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I just meant I wanted to pay to have fireworks at the party.<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> Why would you do that?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Because I&#8217;m gonna miss Toby. Yep, he&#8217;s a heck of a guy, and I think we should send him off right. It doesn&#8217;t matter. Here ya go. [hands her an envelope with money in it]<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> Really?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Well we all want a good party, right? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> I&#8217;m going to propose tonight. Holy crap! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Holly:</b> Hey Kevin.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Hi.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Do you need some help?<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> I can&#8217;t decide what to get.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Well, what do you like to eat?<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Well I like pretzels, but, I really like chips.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Hmm. Well how much money do you have there? [looks at the change in his hand] Okay, let&#8217;s see&#8230; fifty&#8230; Oh, this is a button. Okay. Fifty-five, sixty-five, okay, you have seventy-five cents. So, that means you could get anything up in the top row.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Hmm&#8230; </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kevin:</b> I&#8217;m totally gonna bang Holly! She is cute, and helpful, and she really seems into me. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> [on phone, leaving a message] Hey, Ryan, it&#8217;s Jim. Look man, I don&#8217;t know what&#8217;s gotten into you lately, but you know what? I really don&#8217;t care, because you&#8217;re trying to get rid of me. And I bet you don&#8217;t think I care enough about this job to actually fight back, but you&#8217;re wrong, because I do, and I will. So you can keep trying to push me out of this place, but guess what? I&#8217;m not going anywhere. [hangs up and exhales sharply] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Holly:</b> [tool clicking] Damn it!<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Hello, Holly. [Holly is on the floor with her desk chair in pieces] Woah, what are you doing? You don&#8217;t, uh, you don&#8217;t have to do that. I mean, we have already put-together chairs. That&#8217;s how we buy them actually.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Oh, I&#8217;m trying to adjust the lumbar support on Toby&#8217;s chair and&#8230; that made this up/down lever thing not work, and then I took the whole chair apart, and that&#8230; is the story of me on the floor. It&#8217;s pretty good, right? You know, I&#8217;m gonna sell the movie rights.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> And the sequel, &#8220;Woman Stands at Desk and Works.&#8221; So, I have no idea how you, [he sits on the floor] how you sit like that.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Yoga.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> [as Yoda] Sit on floor and put together chair we will. [laughs nervously] Yo-da. Um&#8230;<br /> <b>Holly:</b> [as Yoda] Pass curvy metal piece, you will.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> So are you in down this weekend? Cause, I&#8217;m not-I&#8217;m not&#8230; I&#8217;m not gonna be in town. I&#8217;m going out of town.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Ohh, so you can&#8217;t make my orgy? Kidding!<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Kidding. [overdramatically] Acting!<br /> <b>Holly:</b> [overdramatically] Acting!<br /> <b>Michael:</b> [overdramatically] Acting!<br /> <b>Holly:</b> [laughs] Lovitz.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yeah. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> I did it! [exhales]<br /> <b>Jim:</b> What&#8217;d you do?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I talked to her-Holly. Just pleasantries, nothing, you know&#8230; not like, do you want kids or, religion, or what side of the bed do you want. Hey, I can take either side of the bed at this point.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Wow. Okay, so how&#8217;d that feel?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> It was hard. I wanted to kiss her.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Oh, I&#8217;m so glad you didn&#8217;t.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Whew, oh God. [inhales] Laying a base. Laying a base&#8230;<br /> <b>Jim:</b> There you go. There&#8217;s plenty of base-laying left, right?&#8230; Hey. Hey!<br /> <b>Michael:</b> [giddy] Yeah&#8230; </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Phyllis:</b> Hello Angela.<br /> <b>Angela:</b> Phyllis, you look like you&#8217;re gonna have a heart attack.<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> Can I get a list of your vendors?<br /> <b>Angela:</b> I shredded it.<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> Why would you do that?<br /> <b>Angela:</b> Gosh, I just don&#8217;t know. Why do you think?<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> [knocks files off desk] Sorry. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Toby:</b> [Michael and Holly are still working on the chair] What&#8217;d you guys do?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh, there he is. Thought you had gone home already. Why don&#8217;t you go home, and come back for the party?<br /> <b>Toby:</b> Well, we still have to do the exit interview.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yes we do. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8217;ll let you in on a little secret:</b> I&#8217;ve been very much looking forward to this moment. Very, very much. I-I have been steeped in anticipation. Toby has been cruisin&#8217; for a bruisin&#8217; for twelve years, and I am now his cruise director, and my name is Captain Bruisin&#8217;. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Toby:</b> [Michael hands him a present] Wow, thanks, Michael, I&#8230;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Can I just say that, of all the idiots, in all the idiot villages, in all the idiot worlds, you stand alone, my friend.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> [enters conference room] Hello.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Hey! Hi, good to see you.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> You too.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8217;m just having a little exit interview.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Yeah, I know, that&#8217;s why I&#8217;m here.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Um, no, no, no. This is very boring stuff. Why don&#8217;t you take a tour? Have you seen the baler?<br /> <b>Holly:</b> No, no, I&#8217;ll look at it later. It&#8217;s part of my job.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Okay.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> [enters conference room] Did you need me to take notes?<br /> <b>Toby:</b> Hi Pam. Stay.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Okay.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Um&#8230; Alright, well then, I will proceed. [takes out note cards] I just have some questions that I was gonna ask. Um&#8230; Who do you think you are?<br /> <b>Toby:</b> I&#8217;m Toby.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yeah. Correct. Um&#8230; What gives-what-what gives you the right?<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Um, I-I brought the binder. Do you wanna take a little look?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Sure. You know what? That sounds good. I&#8217;ll take a little look-see.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Here you go.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Thank you. [reads] What would you improve about Dunder Mifflin?<br /> <b>Toby:</b> This place, um&#8230;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Well, no no no no no&#8230;<br /> <b>Toby:</b> I&#8217;ve got some ideas, I guess&#8230;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> No no no no no. I&#8217;m not asking it. I&#8217;m just reading it out loud.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Oh, I&#8217;d like to hear the answer.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> Well let me see&#8230; I would, uh&#8230;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> [hides his face from Holly; whispers to Toby] I&#8217;ll kill you.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> I guess everything&#8217;s okay. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Toby:</b> I made it this far, right? What&#8217;s the point? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Toby, why don&#8217;t you open your present?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh, no no no, no, no. No, this-hey, hey, hey, hey, this might not be what I think&#8230; that I don&#8217;t even know is in there, because there are a lot of presents in my car, and I don&#8217;t know which is which&#8230;<br /> <b>Toby:</b> [unwraps present; present is a rock with a Post-It note rubber-banded to it; reads] &#8220;Suck on this.&#8221;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> What the hell is that?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Michael&#8230;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> That&#8217;s&#8230; What do you mean, &#8220;Michael&#8221;? That&#8217;s not even my handwriting. [exits conference room] Hey! What the hell is going on here?! Who thought it would be hysterical to give Toby a rock for his going-away gift?!<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> You did.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> No!<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> You made me wrap it. I thought it was over the line. I just- [Michael slams conference room door in his face]<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Okay, you know what that is? You know what that is? That is&#8230; a psyche. Psyche. So, that is not my real gift to Toby.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> So what is your gift?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> My gift is forthcoming, Pam.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> What is it?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I am going to give Toby&#8230;<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Your watch?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> &#8230;Yes, I am. That was it. How did you know that?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> I just knew.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> How did you know?<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Oh that is so sweet.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Well&#8230; That&#8217;s my watch.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> Thanks, I&#8217;m gonna set it to Costa Rica time.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Hey, that&#8217;s good.<br /> <b>Creed:</b> [from outside the conference room] Hey, it&#8217;s the kid! Look, look, look, look, look! [Michael, Toby, Holly, and Pam exit the conference room] Hey! It&#8217;s the temp! Look! [everyone is crowded around Jim&#8217;s computer]<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Oh my gosh.<br /> <b>Creed:</b> It&#8217;s the temp! [all are watching a YouTube video of Ryan being escorted out of Dunder Mifflin corporate offices by policemen]<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Is that the police?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Yes.<br /> <b>Creed:</b> Mm-hmm. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Oscar:</b> Well this is what happened: uh, Ryan&#8217;s big project was the website&#8230; which wasn&#8217;t doing so well. So Ryan, to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice:</b> once as office sales, once as website sales. Which is what we refer to in the business as &#8220;misleading the shareholders.&#8221; Another good term is &#8220;fraud.&#8221; The real crime, I think, was the beard. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> [still watching video of Ryan] Oh my God. Ryan&#8230; Oh my God. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kelly:</b> I cannot wait to visit Ryan in prison. I&#8217;m gonna wear my hottest track suit, and get my hair done, and then be like, &#8220;Hi Ryan.&#8221; And then all the other prisoners are gonna be like, &#8220;Damn! Ryan, you got a hot ex-girlfriend. Ooh, I would never have treated her so bad when I was outside of prison.&#8221; </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Would you do me a favor and connect me to Ryan?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Absolutely. [dials and hands Jim receiver]<br /> <b>Jim:</b> [clears throat] Right to voicemail. [into phone] Hey, Ryan, it&#8217;s Jim. You know what? Totally disregard that last voicemail, because you obviously have your hands tied. Good luck! [hangs up] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Holly:</b> What&#8217;s protocol on this?<br /> <b>Toby:</b> I normally do nothing, I guess. No, you shouldn&#8217;t- [Holly knocks on Michael&#8217;s door]<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Michael, are you okay?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> [voice straining] I&#8217;m just worried about my friend.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Oh, of course you are.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Just, I&#8217;m fine. I&#8217;m holding it together. I-I have a business to run.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> No, hey.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8217;m cool.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Stop. You can let yourself be upset. He&#8217;s your friend. You know what I usually find?&#8230; </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Holly is sweet and simple, like a lady baker. I would not be surprised to find out that she had worked in a bakery before coming here. She has that kind of warmth. I&#8217;m pretty sure she&#8217;s baked on a professional level. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kevin:</b> [everyone exits the building to find a carnival-themed party in the parking lot] Woah! Cool! A bouncy house!<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> Kevin, take your shoes off first!<br /> <b>Michael:</b> No antigravity machine, huh?<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> Sorry, Michael, I don&#8217;t think they&#8217;re real.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Ferris wheel&#8217;s pretty cool though. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Wow. Look at our parking lot.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Yeah, who&#8217;d have thought? [Pam sees fireworks being set up; smiles] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Is Jim gonna propose tonight? He is, isn&#8217;t he? No, he&#8217;s not&#8230; Is he? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Holly:</b> Oh, it was a pretty good company, but I just couldn&#8217;t see a future there. They kept hiring from the outside. It was easy to get in but impossible to rise up.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> That&#8217;s what she&#8230; a lot of places are like that.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> I think it&#8217;s really cool you hired Kevin.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Thanks. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> You have it?<br /> <b>Meredith:</b> Almost. [she unlocks Holly&#8217;s car]<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Okay, here we go. Here we go. [Mose carries a raccoon in a cage] Put it in. [he puts the raccoon in the car]<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I like, uh&#8230;<br /> <b>Holly:</b> That-That&#8217;s my car.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Hey. What are you doing?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> [Mose drops cage and runs] Mose!<br /> <b>Michael:</b> What the hell is going on here?!<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> N-nothing you need to know the details of.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> There is a raccoon in the car, Dwight!<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> N-no there&#8217;s not.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Why did you do that?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> It was playful hazing.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> No. There is no such thing as playful hazing. Dwight, I want you to look at Holly right now. Everybody, I want you to look at Holly right now, and maybe if you look at her deeply enough, you will see what I see in her. And that is that we are all very lucky to have her here. Holly is the best thing that has happened to this company since World War II. Fifty years, she is the best. [to Dwight] Take care of that, all right?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> It&#8217;s not rabid.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Shh&#8230;<br /> <b>Meredith:</b> Thanks for bringing that up.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Get it out. Come on, get it out. Get it out. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8217;m really sorry.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Michael, thank you so much for saying that. [puts a hand on his arm] I feel so welcome here.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yeah&#8230;<br /> <b>Holly:</b> I just&#8230; Um, excuse me. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Did you see that! Did you see it? Did you see what&#8230; wow-wee! Uh, well, Jan didn&#8217;t believe in showing affection, so&#8230; sometimes I don&#8217;t know how to react when a girl touches me. Oh&#8230; I like it! [giggles] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Vance Refrigeration guy:</b> Hey Mrs. Vance, we&#8217;re all out!<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> Hey, Kev, I need you to do me a solid and go buy some more barbeque sauce. [Kevin nods] Okay. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Holly:</b> Cool! You drive your own car?<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Yup. This is my car. Do you drive your own car?<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Yep. Just like you.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Okay, bye.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Bye. Kevin, I&#8217;m really proud of you. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> [on microphone] Alright! Let&#8217;s hear it for Darryl and his band. [applause] You know what? Let&#8217;s also give a shout-out to Phyllis for this awesome party, huh?<br /> <b>Pam:</b> [everyone applauds] Yay, Phyllis!<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Probably the best one that we have ever had, right? [cheers and applause] But the real reason that we are here, is to say goodbye to a guy who we will probably never ever see again. Now, a lot of you know that I am an accomplished songwriter.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Song parody writer.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I have done things like um, &#8220;Beers in Heaven.&#8221;<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Classic.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Or, &#8220;Total Eclipse of the Fart.&#8221;<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Not my favorite, but&#8230;<br /> <b>Pam:</b> I like that one.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> It&#8217;s not my favorite&#8230;<br /> <b>Pam:</b> I like that one.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I love to sing them, but I am not going to be doing that today. I am going to be doing something I wrote specifically for Toby. [to band] Do you know, um, &#8220;Goodbye Stranger&#8221;? Supertramp?<br /> <b>Darryl:</b> Yeah. [music starts]<br /> <b>Michael:</b> [sings] It was early morning yesterday&#8230; I was up before the dawn&#8230; and I really have enjoyed my stay&#8230; Toby must be movin&#8217; on. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> I&#8217;m gonna to miss Toby. He has a nice, calming presence in the office. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> [singing] Goodbye Toby, it&#8217;s been nice. Hope you find your paradise&#8230; </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Don&#8217;t tell him I said this, but I always thought he was kinda cute. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> [singing, screaming into the mic] Come tomorrow, feel no pain! Feel no pain! Toby! Toby! Tobee-yy! Toby&#8217;s goin&#8217; away! See ya! He&#8217;s outta here! See ya! He&#8217;s outta here! Ohh! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Toby! Goodbye Tooo-by! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Holly:</b> Not bad.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh, hey. Thanks.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Someday I would love to hear &#8220;Beers in Heaven.&#8221;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, actu-too soon. It&#8217;s uh, it&#8217;s uh, very sexual. [cell phone rings] Sorry. Kevin. [answers] Kevin, where are you? You missed my song, buddy.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Yeah, Michael, I&#8217;m at Gerrity&#8217;s. You have to come down here.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Just pay for it and we&#8217;ll reimburse you when you get back.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> No, I-I brought my money. Michael, there&#8217;s something that you need to see.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> What is it?<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Just hurry. [hangs up]<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Is he okay?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yeah. He&#8217;s at the supermarket and he needs me.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Yeah well, the party, driving to the supermarket&#8230; it&#8217;s a big day for him.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yeah, that&#8217;s true. Don&#8217;t move a muscle. I will be back momentarily, all right? [Holly freezes; Michael laughs] No, you can drink-you can finish your drink and then I&#8217;ll-okay, I&#8217;ll be back. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jan:</b> Well it was good to see you.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> It was great to see you, Jan.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Yeah, so&#8230;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> O-kay. Hello Jan.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Hello&#8230; Michael.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Wow, Kevin, really? We&#8217;re- [to Jan] Sorry. We&#8217;re in the middle of a party. [to Kevin] Is this why you called me down here?<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Yeah, Michael, I just uh&#8230;<br /> <b>Jan:</b> I&#8230;<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> I think you kids have a lot to catch up on.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh, okay.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Yeah.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Thanks, Kevin. Um&#8230; [Kevin walks away, revealing Jan&#8217;s pregnant belly] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Wow. I can&#8217;t believe it! Look at you! [Jan laughs] Are you nauseous?<br /> <b>Jan:</b> No.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Do you-do you have cravings? You never touched my Propecea, or my Accutane, did you?<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Uh, no.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Good. Good. Thank God.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> I didn&#8217;t&#8230;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Cause that&#8217;s&#8230;<br /> <b>Jan:</b> &#8230; touch that.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Wow, I am so happy. I am so deliriously happy&#8230;<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Why?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Because you&#8217;re pregnant, and because it obviously happened when we were together. And, I am very&#8230;<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Yeah, it did&#8230;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> &#8230; proud.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> &#8230; happen when&#8230;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Um&#8230;<br /> <b>Jan:</b> &#8230; we were together. That&#8217;s true. And-but, you&#8230; are not&#8230; uh, you&#8217;re not the dad.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> You cheated on me&#8230; when I specifically asked you not to?<br /> <b>Jan:</b> &#8230;Not to. No, I did not. I did not cheat on you. I did not.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Well, okay&#8230; <br /> <b>Jan:</b> Yeah.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> So it&#8217;s mine, and it&#8217;s not somebody else&#8217;s, so&#8230; I know&#8230; the whole toilet seat thing is a myth, so&#8230;<br /> <b>Jan:</b> I went to a sperm bank.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> You did?<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Yuh-huh.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> When we were going out?<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Uh, yeah.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> W-I don&#8217;t understand. You always used to be very cautious&#8230; I&#8217;d wear two condoms.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> I know.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> You&#8217;d rather have somebody else&#8217;s sperm than my sperm?<br /> <b>Jan:</b> No, no no&#8230; it&#8217;s not just any sperm bank. I mean, it&#8217;s really&#8230; this is a really, really great place. It&#8217;s amazing, actually. I&#8217;m gonna bring you the catalogue. You should look through it. It&#8217;s&#8230; and it&#8217;s-in fact, it&#8217;s right next to that little breakfast place that you like in the city where you can draw on the tables.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> IHop.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> IHop. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jan:</b> If I was 22, and I had lots of time to have lots of children, then sure, let&#8217;s let Michael have a shot at one of &#8217;em. But, honestly, I need to make this one count. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jan:</b> Oh, that&#8217;s really good. I feel so much better. I just needed to get all that out onto the table.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> I&#8217;m glad you told me.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Look, I don&#8217;t know what you&#8217;re gonna be doing tomorrow, but I have my Lamaze class in Allentown, and um&#8230; you could come. I usually, you know, use a foam noodle instead of a partner&#8230;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Um, I&#8217;ll&#8230; I have to think about it.<br /> <b>Jan:</b> Okay. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> My whole life, I have known two things:</b> I love sex, and I want to have kids. And I always thought that those two things would go hand in hand, but now, I think it might be one or the other. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> Oh look, they&#8217;re starting. [all watch fireworks display; scattered applause and cheers; Darryl&#8217;s band plays soft music] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Angela:</b> [to Phyllis] Well, I hope you had fun today, because you&#8217;re never ever throwing a party again. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> [gets engagement ring from his pocket] Hey&#8230;<br /> <b>Andy:</b> [on microphone] Can I have your attention please? [music stops] I was waiting for the right time to do this, and I can&#8217;t think of a better time than right now, with the music playing, and all our friends around, and fireworks going off&#8230; My parents are here! Andrew and Ellen Bernard. Thank you for sharing in this joyous moment. Miss Angela Martin, will you please join me onstage? [Angela shakes her head &#8216;no&#8217;] Okay, then I will come to you, my flower. [knocks over Darryl&#8217;s keyboard]<br /> <b>Darryl:</b> Unh! Damn it!<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Angela, will you do me the honor&#8230; of giving me your tiny hand in marriage? [shows her a ring]<br /> <b>Angela:</b> &#8230;Okay.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Into the mic, sweetie.<br /> <b>Angela:</b> I said, okay.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> She said yes! [light applause] And the crowd goes wild! Woo! [music starts playing; Jim puts his ring back in his pocket and exhales sharply] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Andy:</b> I&#8217;ve been carrying that ring around in my wallet for six years. Because you don&#8217;t know when you&#8217;re gonna meet the right girl and the moment&#8217;s gonna be right. And tonight, with the fireworks, and the music, and everything&#8230; it was right. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Kelly:</b> Can I be your bridesmaid?<br /> <b>Angela:</b> No. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> Well&#8230; it&#8217;s my own fault. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Andy:</b> Tuna! [hugs Jim; makes small explosion sound] I&#8217;m engaged!<br /> <b>Jim:</b> I know. That&#8217;s awesome, man. That&#8217;s great.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Mr. Andrew Bernard&#8230; it&#8217;s got a nice ring to it. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Toby:</b> Hey. Hey, you know, I just realized uh, I don&#8217;t have a picture of the two of us.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Oh, yeah, um&#8230;<br /> <b>Toby:</b> Yeah, could we&#8230;<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Sure. Meredith, do you mind?<br /> <b>Toby:</b> [hands Meredith his camera] This one right here.<br /> <b>Meredith:</b> Okay. One two three- [takes picture] Oh let&#8217;s do it again. Pam your smile is weird.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> It&#8217;s digital, so just take as many as you want.<br /> <b>Meredith:</b> One, two three- [takes picture] One, two, three- [takes picture] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Pam:</b> I don&#8217;t know, I just, I really thought Jim was gonna propose tonight&#8230; </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Holly:</b> Hey there.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Hey.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> So you missed something really big.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Yeah?<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Yeah, Andy proposed to one of your accountants.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh, wow.<br /> <b>Holy:</b> I&#8217;m not so specific as I can be on my first day, but&#8230;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Well, I can see Andy proposing to Angela. I can also see him proposing to Oscar. [they chuckle] Oh&#8230;<br /> <b>Holly:</b> So&#8230; You know, somehow after all those ribs, I&#8217;m still really hungry. I don&#8217;t know, I was thinking of maybe going off-campus somewhere, getting some dessert, or&#8230;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh, um, well, you know what? You should go to the Glider Diner. Ask Stanley about that. Practically lives there.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Okay.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> I&#8217;ll go to the diner with you.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Oh that would be great.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Yeah, we can go eat pie.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> I love pie.<br /> <b>Kevin:</b> Me too.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Okay.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Have a good night.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Okay. Good night.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Bye. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Holly:</b> Yeah, it was a good day. I mean, first days are always the hardest, right? Well, I should go. [Kevin is waiting in the car] I gotta buckle him in. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Well this is it. I am here to see you off.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> Thanks&#8230; [Hank is standing next to Michael] Really, Michael?<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Sorry. Corporate policy.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> It&#8217;s not.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> You might take something.<br /> <b>Hank:</b> I don&#8217;t think he&#8217;s gonna take anything.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Okay, security guard. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Toby:</b> [watch that Michael gave him beeps] Oh, some kind of&#8230; alarm.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Okay. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> [on phone, leaving a message] Hi, Jan, it&#8217;s Michael. I just um, I just want to let you know that I am going to go to your Lamaze class tomorrow. Um, and if there&#8217;s any details you need to fill me in on, like&#8230; what exactly Lamaze is, that would be great. And I&#8230; will see you tomorrow morning. [hangs up] I am going to be&#8230; kind of a daddy. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Phyllis:</b> Party planning&#8217;s a real high. Like a runner&#8217;s high. [gets out of elevator; hears moans and heavy breathing coming from office; opens door and sees Dwight and Angela making out]<br /> <b>Angela:</b> [sees Phyllis; gasps] Oh my God!<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> What? [turns and sees Phyllis; Phyllis gasps and drops the box in her hands] </div>
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<div class="quote"> <b>Toby:</b> This is Jim Halpert&#8230;<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Hi.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> And Pam Beesly.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Oh, Pam! Toby says such nice things about you. <br /> <b>Pam:</b> [to Toby] Thank you!<br /> <b>Jim:</b> He didn&#8217;t mention me, did he?<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Oh, no, he said you were a really good salesman.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Thanks, Toby.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> You&#8217;re welcome. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> I&#8217;ve always gotten along well with Toby. Uh, we&#8217;re friends. But I don&#8217;t think we&#8217;ll stay in touch necessarily. I think I&#8217;ll probably get updates on him from Pam. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Holly:</b> Oh, I think that makes us neighbors. <br /> <b>Meredith:</b> It&#8217;s a couple streets over.<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Oh, maybe you can show me some of the fun hangouts, and where to get my nails done.<br /> <b>Meredith:</b> Sure! That sounds fun!<br /> <b>Holly:</b> Great. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Meredith:</b> I hate that bitch. I wanna cut her face. [Dwight walks by and hears] </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> Stop! Don&#8217;t look at me. On the counter you will find bread, peanut butter, and jelly. Pretend to make yourself a sandwich.<br /> <b>Meredith:</b> Pretend? Or really make one?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Really make one.<br /> <b>Meredith:</b> Make your own [bleep]in&#8217; sandwich.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Will you please? Make a sandwich. Now, according to my sources, you have an issue with the new H.R. woman. Well, so do I. And so does our secret benefactor. That&#8217;s too much peanut butter. What I propose is a good old-fashioned hazing, and I need your help. If you choose to accept this mission&#8230;Wipe the knife off before you stick it in the jelly. Have you ever made a sandwich before? Dammit, Meredith! </div>
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<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 2</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Phyllis:</b> [on phone] Well, who can do a party of this size? But you&#8217;re in the business, you must surely know of some other businesses. Okay, well, I JUST WANT A DAMN DANCE FLOOR! Sorry. So sorry, I shouldn&#8217;t have sworn, I&#8217;m so sorry. Um, thanks for your time. [knock on door] What? Sorry, I shouldn&#8217;t have said &#8216;what&#8217; like that, it was really rude.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Scared me. How&#8217;s the party planning going?<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> Jim, I am so f[bleep]ed.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> So it&#8217;s going great, sounds like.<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> I don&#8217;t know, I&#8217;m not used to the stress. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Phyllis:</b> When I was growing up, my mom said, &#8220;the sky&#8217;s the limit.&#8221; I could do anything. Be a teacher&#8217;s aide, nurse&#8217;s assistant, some kind of volunteer. But now, I, I&#8217;m not so sure. </div>
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<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 3</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Toby:</b> This is a picture I&#8217;ve been carrying around in my wallet for about six years. It&#8217;s this unspoiled beach in Costa Rica, Playa Grande. Um, I take it out when I get stressed or depressed, and it really calms me down. Never thought I&#8217;d get to live here, you know. But it turns out they built these great new condos there, so, this could be me, right around, uh, where the trees used to be. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Toby:</b> Hey. <br /> <b>Jim:</b> Hey.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Hey. <br /> <b>Toby:</b> Hey.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Did you just buy that? <br /> <b>Toby:</b> Yeah, I guess it will be my, uh, thing in Costa Rica, be a nature photographer.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> That&#8217;s cool.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> Yeah. Um, you mind if I get a picture?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Sure!<br /> <b>Toby:</b> Think you could&#8230;[wants to hand the camera to Jim, but Jim is starting to snuggle up with Pam, posing. Toby aims the camera, the flash pops up] Okay. [takes picture] Okay.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Good one? [Toby puts on the lens cover and scurries away awkwardly] That&#8217;s a cool camera. </div>
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<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 4</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Okay, this is the second time in two days that the website isn&#8217;t working. Do you guys know anything about it? <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> The website is hiding, forming alliances with other sites, preparing an attack for which we will have no defense.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Do you honestly believe that?<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Yes, I do.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> I&#8217;m gonna get a second opinion.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> It was down for a couple hours yesterday, then back up, and now I&#8217;ve heard from a very reliable source that it is once again out of commission. And that reliable source is you.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Okay, you could just say you don&#8217;t know what&#8217;s going on.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> Um, I do, &#8217;cause I just told you. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Is Ryan gonna fire me? I don&#8217;t know. I know that I&#8217;ve done everything I can, and I just brought in a huge sale, and&#8230; am I insane, or was this kid a temp two years ago? Because in the three years that he&#8217;s been here, I think all he&#8217;s ever done is start a fire and grow a beard. And it&#8217;s not even a good beard. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Troy:</b> Troy Undercook, for Michael.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Ahh! I&#8217;m sorry, I didn&#8217;t, I didn&#8217;t see you come in. <br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Troy! What are you doing here?<br /> <b>Troy:</b> Just filling in for Ryan, as a favor.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Where is Ryan?<br /> <b>Troy:</b> He had an urgent matter in New York.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Welcome to our land.<br /> <b>Pam:</b> Dwight. [to Troy] Michael will be out in a second.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Can I get you a tankard of mead?<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Hey, Troy, can you do me a huge favor? Next time you see Ryan, can you tell him to check his messages? That&#8217;d be great.<br /> <b>Troy:</b> If I see him, I&#8217;ll tell him.<br /> <b>Jim:</b> Why wouldn&#8217;t you see him? You work for him.<br /> <b>Troy:</b> I report to Wallace now. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Jim:</b> Okay, what&#8217;s going on? </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Dwight:</b> Looks serious.<br /> <b>Someone:</b> What&#8217;s a&#8230; <br /> <b>Michael:</b> Oh, my God.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Troy, do you know anything about this?<br /> <b>Troy:</b> Maybe I do.<br /> <b>Dwight:</b> Maybe I do. Enough of your magical riddles! </div>
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<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 5</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Phyllis:</b> And if the food stations are here and here&#8230; no! Here and here. Drinks here, then people can mingle. But then where would the band go? <br /> <b>Bob Vance:</b> Mmm. Well, what about there?<br /> <b>Phyllis:</b> Mmm, no Bob, I don&#8217;t know. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Phyllis:</b> It&#8217;s times like these, I wish my mother were with me right now. She&#8217;d show me what to do. That&#8217;s stupid; she&#8217;s not here. [looks at watch] She&#8217;s at water aerobics for the next forty-five minutes. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Stanley:</b> Why don&#8217;t we eat more corn dogs? They&#8217;re delicious. <br /> <b>Oscar:</b> Totally, they&#8217;re the best.<br /> <b>Stanley:</b> Corn dogs should be the standard. Corn dogs should be called hot dogs, and hot dogs should be called bad dogs.<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> Why don&#8217;t we make corn burgers? <br /> <b>Stanley:</b> [chuckling] What a messed up world.<br /> <b>Oscar:</b> Seriously, do you like my idea? Corn burgers. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Angela:</b> I need you to make an announcement that this party is a disaster. <br /> <b>Andy:</b> But I don&#8217;t think it&#8217;s a disaster. I think it&#8217;s fun, and I like the food. <br /> <b>Angela:</b> Deep fried Twinkies? It&#8217;s gross! <br /> <b>Andy:</b> Is that what that is?<br /> <b>Angela:</b> Yes.<br /> <b>Andy:</b> You know what, I didn&#8217;t try those. [reaches for one] I could try this. Augh! Fried Twinkies, you kidding me? Starting to wonder about the food in this place [takes a bite]. Oh, God! That is so good. </div>
</p></div>
<div class="DSblock"> <b><u>Deleted Scene 6</u></b> </p>
<div class="quote"> <b>Stanley:</b> When I had my colitis, Toby was very helpful. He gave me seven weeks off. When I had my acid reflux, Toby was not as helpful. So I&#8217;m mixed on Toby. </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Michael:</b> Toby Flenderson, come on up here.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> Uh, no, that&#8217;s okay.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Come on, no, no, no.<br /> <b>Co-workers:</b> Toby! Come on, Toby!<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Toby!<br /> <b>Co-workers:</b> Toby! Toby! Toby!<br /> <b>Toby:</b> Okay, okay, I&#8217;m going.<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Toby has written a fantastic speech for you, he spent a year on it. It&#8217;s very funny and charming and heartwarming. And it rhymes, and if it&#8217;s not any good, he has instructed us all to storm the stage and beat him to a bloody pulp. [laughs] No! So, take it away, Toby! Whoo!<br /> <b>Toby:</b> Well, uh, okay. Um. It&#8217;s really great to be here tonight, with the Ferris wheel, the band, and the low sunlight. I&#8217;m gonna miss you all when I go to Costa Rica, and if I keep drinking beer like this, I&#8217;m gonna have to take a leak-a. [laughter from audience, Michael looks at camera unhappily] Look, on a more personal note, I just want to say thanks, you know, no matter what was going on in my life, you know, my divorce, or the custody battle, or that thing with my sister, it was just nice knowing I had a, a supportive place to come to where&#8230;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Ach, [to Darryl quietly] okay, okay, play the cutoff music. <br /> <b>Darryl:</b> No.<br /> <b>Toby:</b> I&#8217;m gonna really miss going to beers with you guys every Tuesday night [Pam holds up soda in salute, Meredith yells &#8216;yeah!&#8217;, Michael looks at camera] and lastly, I&#8217;d love to urge you to keep up with my fight to have the building checked for radon gas. You know, it&#8217;s a, it&#8217;s a real serious matter, and every time I try to have the, uh&#8230;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> Blah, blah, blah, blah&#8230;<br /> <b>Toby:</b> &#8230;building looked into&#8230;<br /> <b>Michael:</b> &#8230;blah, blah, overstaying your welcome! Let&#8217;s keep it moving! Let&#8217;s keep it moving! Toby, everybody! </div>
<div class="quote"> <b>Creed:</b> I gave Toby my buddy Jorge&#8217;s number in Costa. He&#8217;ll hook Toby up with everything: cable TV, women, oh, and this amazing coffee to snort. </div>
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<p><u><b>Season I</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no1-01.php">Pilot</a><br />
02. <a href="/no1-02.php">Diversity Day</a><br />
03. <a href="/no1-03.php">Health Care</a><br />
04. <a href="/no1-04.php">The Alliance</a><br />
05. <a href="/no1-05.php">Basketball</a><br />
06. <a href="/no1-06.php">Hot Girl</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season II</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no2-01.php">The Dundies</a><br />
02. <a href="/no2-02.php">Sexual Harassment</a><br />
03. <a href="/no2-03.php">Office Olympics</a><br />
04. <a href="/no2-04.php">The Fire</a><br />
05. <a href="/no2-05.php">Halloween</a><br />
06. <a href="/no2-06.php">The Fight</a><br />
07. <a href="/no2-07.php">The Client</a><br />
08. <a href="/no2-08.php">Performance Review</a><br />
09. <a href="/no2-09.php">E-mail Surveillance</a><br />
10. <a href="/no2-10.php">Christmas Party</a><br />
11. <a href="/no2-11.php">Booze Cruise</a><br />
12. <a href="/no2-12.php">The Injury</a><br />
13. <a href="/no2-13.php">The Secret</a><br />
14. <a href="/no2-14.php">The Carpet</a><br />
15. <a href="/no2-15.php">Boys and Girls</a><br />
16. <a href="/no2-16.php">Valentine&#8217;s Day</a><br />
17. <a href="/no2-17.php">Dwight&#8217;s Speech</a><br />
18. <a href="/no2-18.php">Take Your Daughter to Work Day</a><br />
19. <a href="/no2-19.php">Michael&#8217;s Birthday</a><br />
20. <a href="/no2-20.php">Drug Testing</a><br />
21. <a href="/no2-21.php">Conflict Resolution</a><br />
22. <a href="/no2-22.php">Casino Night</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season III</b></u></p>
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<p>01. <a href="/no3-01.php">Gay Witch Hunt</a><br />
02. <a href="/no3-02.php">The Convention</a><br />
03. <a href="/no3-03.php">The Coup</a><br />
04. <a href="/no3-04.php">Grief Counseling</a><br />
05. <a href="/no3-05.php">Initiation</a><br />
06. <a href="/no3-06.php">Diwali</a><br />
07. <a href="/no3-07.php">Branch Closing</a><br />
08. <a href="/no3-08.php">The Merger</a><br />
09. <a href="/no3-09.php">The Convict</a><br />
10. <a href="/no3-10.php">A Benihana Christmas</a><br />
11. <a href="/no3-11.php">Back From Vacation</a><br />
12. <a href="/no3-12.php">Traveling Salesmen</a><br />
13. <a href="/no3-13.php">The Return</a><br />
14. <a href="/no3-14.php">Ben Franklin</a><br />
15. <a href="/no3-15.php">Phyllis&#8217; Wedding</a><br />
16. <a href="/no3-16.php">Business School</a><br />
17. <a href="/no3-17.php">Cocktails</a><br />
18. <a href="/no3-18.php">The Negotiation</a><br />
19. <a href="/no3-19.php">Safety Training</a><br />
20. <a href="/no3-20.php">Product Recall</a><br />
21. <a href="/no3-21.php">Women&#8217;s Appreciation</a><br />
22. <a href="/no3-22.php">Beach Games</a><br />
23. <a href="/no3-23.php">The Job</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season IV</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no4-01.php">Fun Run</a><br />
02. <a href="/no4-02.php">Dunder Mifflin Infinity</a><br />
03. <a href="/no4-03.php">Launch Party</a><br />
04. <a href="/no4-04.php">Money</a><br />
05. <a href="/no4-05.php">Local Ad</a><br />
06. <a href="/no4-06.php">Branch Wars</a><br />
07. <a href="/no4-07.php">Survivor Man</a><br />
08. <a href="/no4-08.php">The Deposition</a><br />
09. <a href="/no4-09.php">Dinner Party</a><br />
10. <a href="/no4-10.php">Chair Model</a><br />
11. <a href="/no4-11.php">Night Out</a><br />
12. <a href="/no4-12.php">Did I Stutter?</a><br />
13. <a href="/no4-13.php">Job Fair</a><br />
14. <a href="/no4-14.php">Goodbye Toby</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season V</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no5-01.php">Weight Loss</a><br />
02. <a href="/no5-02.php">Business Ethics</a><br />
03. <a href="/no5-03.php">Baby Shower</a><br />
04. <a href="/no5-04.php">Crime Aid</a><br />
05. <a href="/no5-05.php">Employee Transfer</a><br />
06. <a href="/no5-06.php">Customer Survey</a><br />
07. <a href="/no5-07.php">Business Trip</a><br />
08. <a href="/no5-08.php">Frame Toby</a><br />
09. <a href="/no5-09.php">The Surplus</a><br />
10. <a href="/no5-10.php">Moroccan Christmas</a><br />
11. <a href="/no5-11.php">The Duel</a><br />
12. <a href="/no5-12.php">Prince Family Paper</a><br />
13. <a href="/no5-13.php">Stress Relief</a><br />
14. <a href="/no5-14.php">Lecture Circuit 1</a><br />
15. <a href="/no5-15.php">Lecture Circuit 2</a><br />
16. <a href="/no5-16.php">Blood Drive</a><br />
17. <a href="/no5-17.php">Golden Ticket</a><br />
18. <a href="/no5-18.php">New Boss</a><br />
19. <a href="/no5-19.php">Two Weeks</a><br />
20. <a href="/no5-20.php">Dream Team</a><br />
21. <a href="/no5-21.php">Michael Scott Paper Company</a><br />
22. <a href="/no5-22.php">Heavy Competition</a><br />
23. <a href="/no5-23.php">Broke</a><br />
24. <a href="/no5-24.php">Casual Friday</a><br />
25. <a href="/no5-25.php">Cafe Disco</a><br />
26. <a href="/no5-26.php">Company Picnic</a></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><u><b>Season VI</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no6-01.php">Gossip</a><br />
02. <a href="/no6-02.php">The Meeting</a><br />
03. <a href="/no6-03.php">The Promotion</a><br />
04. <a href="/no6-04.php">Niagara</a><br />
05. <a href="/no6-05.php">Mafia</a><br />
06. <a href="/no6-06.php">The Lover</a><br />
07. <a href="/no6-07.php">Koi Pond</a><br />
08. <a href="/no6-08.php">Double Date</a><br />
09. <a href="/no6-09.php">Murder</a><br />
10. <a href="/no6-10.php">Shareholder Meeting</a><br />
11. <a href="/no6-11.php">Scott&#8217;s Tots</a><br />
12. <a href="/no6-12.php">Secret Santa</a><br />
13. <a href="/no6-13.php">The Banker</a><br />
14. <a href="/no6-14.php">Sabre</a><br />
15. <a href="/no6-15.php">Manager and Salesman</a><br />
16. <a href="/no6-16.php">The Delivery</a><br />
17. <a href="/no6-17.php">St. Patrick&#8217;s Day</a><br />
18. <a href="/no6-18.php">New Leads</a><br />
19. <a href="/no6-19.php">Happy Hour</a><br />
20. <a href="/no6-20.php">Secretary&#8217;s Day</a><br />
21. <a href="/no6-21.php">Body Language</a><br />
22. <a href="/no6-22.php">The Cover-Up</a><br />
23. <a href="/no6-23.php">The Chump</a><br />
24. <a href="/no6-24.php">Whistleblower</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season VII</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no7-01.php">Nepotism</a><br />
02. <a href="/no7-02.php">Counseling</a><br />
03. <a href="/no7-03.php">Andy&#8217;s Play</a><br />
04. <a href="/no7-04.php">Sex Ed</a><br />
05. <a href="/no7-05.php">The Sting</a><br />
06. <a href="/no7-06.php">Costume Contest</a><br />
07. <a href="/no7-07.php">Christening</a><br />
08. <a href="/no7-08.php">Viewing Party</a><br />
09. <a href="/no7-09.php">WUPHF.com</a><br />
10. <a href="/no7-10.php">China</a><br />
11. <a href="/no7-11.php">Classy Christmas</a><br />
12. <a href="/no7-12.php">Ultimatum</a><br />
13. <a href="/no7-13.php">The Seminar</a><br />
14. <a href="/no7-14.php">The Search</a><br />
15. <a href="/no7-15.php">PDA</a><br />
16. <a href="/no7-16.php">Threat Level Midnight</a><br />
17. <a href="/no7-17.php">Todd Packer</a><br />
18. <a href="/no7-18.php">Garage Sale</a><br />
19. <a href="/no7-19.php">Trainin Day</a><br />
20. <a href="/no7-20.php">Michael&#8217;s Last Dundies</a><br />
21. <a href="/no7-21.php">Goodbye Michael</a><br />
22. <a href="/no7-22.php">The Inner Circle</a><br />
23. <a href="/no7-23.php">Dwight K. Schrute, (Acting) Manager</a><br />
24. <a href="/no7-24.php">Search Committee</a></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><u><b>Season VIII</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no8-01.php">The List</a><br />
02. <a href="/no8-02.php">The Incentive</a><br />
03. <a href="/no8-03.php">Lotto</a><br />
04. <a href="/no8-04.php">Garden Party</a><br />
05. <a href="/no8-05.php">Spooked</a><br />
06. <a href="/no8-06.php">Doomsday</a><br />
07. <a href="/no8-07.php">Pam&#8217;s Replacement</a><br />
08. <a href="/no8-08.php">Gettysburg</a><br />
09. <a href="/no8-09.php">Mrs. California</a><br />
10. <a href="/no8-10.php">Christmas Wishes</a><br />
11. <a href="/no8-11.php">Trivia</a><br />
12. <a href="/no8-12.php">Pool Party</a><br />
13. <a href="/no8-13.php">Jury Duty</a><br />
14. <a href="/no8-14.php">Special Project</a><br />
15. <a href="/no8-15.php">Tallahasse</a><br />
16. <a href="/no8-16.php">After Hours</a><br />
17. <a href="/no8-17.php">Test the Store</a><br />
18. <a href="/no8-18.php">Last Day In Florida</a><br />
19. <a href="/no8-19.php">Get The Girl</a><br />
20. <a href="/no8-20.php">Welcome Party</a><br />
21. <a href="/no8-21.php">Angry Andy</a><br />
22. <a href="/no8-22.php">Fundraiser</a><br />
23. <a href="/no8-23.php">Turf War</a><br />
24. <a href="/no8-24.php">Free Family Portrait Studio</a></p>
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<p><u><b>Season IX</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p>01. <a href="/no9-01.php">New Guys</a><br />
02. <a href="/no9-02.php">Roy&#8217;s Wedding</a><br />
03. <a href="/no9-03.php">Andy&#8217;s Ancestry</a><br />
04. <a href="/no9-04.php">Work Bus</a><br />
05. <a href="/no9-05.php">Here Comes Treble</a><br />
06. <a href="/no9-06.php">The Boat</a><br />
07. <a href="/no9-07.php">The Whale</a><br />
08. <a href="/no9-08.php">The Target</a><br />
09. <a href="/no9-09.php">Dwight Christmas</a><br />
10. <a href="/no9-10.php">Lice</a><br />
11. <a href="/no9-11.php">Suit Warehouse</a><br />
12. <a href="/no9-12.php">Customer Loyalty</a><br />
13. <a href="/no9-13.php">Junior Salesman</a><br />
14. <a href="/no9-14.php">Vandalism</a><br />
15. <a href="/no9-15.php">Couples Discount</a><br />
16. <a href="/no9-16.php">Moving On</a><br />
17. <a href="/no9-17.php">The Farm</a><br />
18. <a href="/no9-18.php">Promos</a><br />
19. <a href="/no9-19.php">Stairmageddon</a><br />
20. <a href="/no9-20.php">Paper Airplane</a><br />
21. <a href="/no9-21.php">Livin&#8217; The Dream</a><br />
22. <a href="/no9-22.php">A.A.R.M</a><br />
23. <a href="/no9-23.php">Finale</a></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><u><b>Other</b></u></p>
<div class="spacer"></div>
<p><a href="/webisodes.php">Webisodes &#8211; The Accountants</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-kevinsLoan.php">Webisodes &#8211; Kevin&#8217;s Loan</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-subtleSexuality.php">Webisodes &#8211; Subtle Sexuality</a><br />
<a href="/webisodes-the3rdfloor.php">Webisodes &#8211; The 3rd floor</a><br />
<a href="/creedThoughts.php">Creed Thoughts</a><br />
<a href="/schruteSpace.php">Schrute Space</a></p>
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