Hey. How you doing? Pam pam Thinking about my grandmother a lot. Darryl darryl Yeah. Pam pam She was about to turn 97. Darryl darryl At least she lived a very long and I'm sure, a very happy life. Got you this card. When you're ready. We all signed it. We just wanted you to know we're thinking about you. Pam pam Thank you. "Congratulations, Darryl. Let's get wasted." "Have fun today, big guy." "Aww, yeah. Party time. Whoo-whoop." Darryl darryl It's possible that some people thought it was your birthday. Pam pam "Hooray. Live it up big D. " "Days like this don't come often enough. Time to celebrate. You deserve this"? Darryl darryl Birthday punches! [softly punching Darryl in the stomach] One two three four five sice seven eight! Andy andy I'm so sorry. Pam pam [tears welling up in his eyes] Darryl darryl ...thirteen fourteen fifteen sixteen seventeen eighteen nineteen twenty twenty-one twenty-two twenty-three twenty-four twenty-five twenty-six!... Andy andy ...So I got an early res at Blue Wasabi and I'm taking Rachel. She's picking me up after work. Andy andy Rachel from the party? Darryl darryl Oh, yeah! Andy andy Nice. Do the damn thing. - Pow! [they fist bump and explode] Darryl darryl Blue Wasabi is so good, but get the cheeseburger. They say they won't do it, but they will if you make a scene. Phyllis phyllis Okay, bye. Okay, bye. [kisses Michael] I'll miss you. Holly holly Miss you. Okay. I'll be in my office if you need me. Michael michael Bye. Holly holly Okay, bye. Bye. All right, bye. Bye... bye. Michael michael Okay, one more quick one. Holly holly Don't go. I don't want you to go. Oh don't go. Don't go. Michael michael Holly and I are dating. It's been a week, and I still can't believe it. [sighs] It goes to show that everything you want in life, you get. And you can't work for it. It just comes to you. Michael michael And what do we have here? Gabe gabe From my secret admirer. That's you! Erin erin Come on. Gabe gabe I dominate Valentine's Day. I practically make romance into a science. Gabe gabe "Roses are red. Violets are blue. Look in the vase to find your first clue." Oh, my gosh. It's a romantic scavenger hunt! Erin erin Oh, close. It's a romantic treasure hunt. A scavenger hunt is where you find items from a master list. This is where you follow clues that lead to a prize. Common misuse. Good luck. Gabe gabe But, there's no clue. Erin erin Well, get to work. Gabe gabe I can't, 'cause there's no clue. Erin erin The puzzle is the clue. Gabe gabe Oh. Erin erin [clears throat] Oscar oscar [rubbing hands with Holly] Are these numbers correct? Michael michael The numbers are correct, Michael. Oscar oscar Okay. Michael michael [clears throat more loudly] Oscar oscar Are you... are you sick, Oscar? Do you need to go home? 'Cause you're grossing me out. Michael michael I jus... I just need a signature. Oscar oscar [getting out of a taxi] There you go. Thanks. Jim jim How much did you give him? Pam pam Big tip. Jim jim Wait. I don't have my scarf. Pam pam What? Jim jim I'm missing my scarf. Oh. [both laugh] Pam pam We decided to have a Valentine's day lunch and then that way we can spend the entire night with Cece and avoid the Valentine's day dinner thing. It's a whole thing. Jim jim [loudly] Yeah, lunch was wonderful! Pam pam Shh. Jim jim Um, there was an amazing buffet and there was a chocolate fondue... station. And what else was there? Pam pam Um, bottomless champagne. Jim jim Yes. Never found that bottom, did we? Pam pam No. Jim jim Psst! Psst! Erin erin What's up? Andy andy Are you good at jigsaw puzzles? Erin erin Are you kidding me? It's all I did every summer when my brothers were out sailing. Andy andy Okay. Erin erin But if there is a romantic thing with Gabe, I should probably... Andy andy Oh! No, no, no, no. It's not weird at all. You have your new girlfriend. I have Gabe. This is just as friends. Erin erin Well, okay then. Andy andy Yes! Erin erin At least until Stanley calms down. Andy andy Oh, is he... Erin erin D...d...d...d...don't look. I accidentally did his Sudoku. [Stanley glares at Andy] Andy andy Andy. Erin erin [on phone] All right, I will fax over it to you. Whoop. I will fax it over to you. Okay. Thank you. [chuckles] Jim jim Okay, my name is j...j...j...j...j...j...j...j Jim Halpert and I will fax it in to you... under you. I'll fax it under you. Oh, excuse me. I just p...p...p...p pissed my pants. Not really. I didn't really. [clears throat] Dwight dwight [goes to hand Dwight a valentines card] Wait. Jim jim You're just filling that out right now. That wasn't meant for me. I will not be your Valentine. Dwight dwight Aww, nuts. [laughs] Jim jim I don't know if anyone else feels this way and don't get me wrong, I love Michael and Holly, and maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but... the PDA. Angela angela Yes! The freaking PDA! Oscar oscar Uh-huh. Angela angela Thank you! I mean, I'm thrilled for them. Oscar oscar No one is more thrilled for them than I am... Angela angela Yes, yes, absolutely. Oscar oscar ...but it's totally inappropriate. Angela angela Yeah, it's a little much. Darryl darryl Mm-hmm. Phyllis phyllis Obviously, so happy for them both. Darryl darryl So happy. Yeah. Oscar oscar I don't know, guys. I, for one, enjoy watching them, because... Kevin kevin No, stop! Just don't. Angela angela Kevin! Oscar oscar Can I finish? Can I finish? Is that okay? I was saying...I enjoy watching them because it makes me horny. Kevin kevin [groans] Everyone everyone God! Kevin! Angela angela So tell me about your new girlfriend. Erin erin She's neat. Uh, I met her at Darryl's cousin's party. We were the only two white people there. Andy andy Aww, cute. Erin erin Hey, look at that. Done. Andy andy That's Gabe's boom box. Come on. We have to go find it. Erin erin I wish you well on your quest. Andy andy No, come on. Erin erin Aww, I mean... Andy andy [growling] Come on! Erin erin Okay. Andy andy Ha! Erin erin [to Toby] I hear them kissing all the time. It's this horrible plipping sound. You know, it's like Chinese water torture. Just...[makes popping sound] like it's coming from my own head. Gabe gabe Sit. Okay, just close your eyes. [massaging Holly's back] Michael michael Ohh. Can you get lower? Holly holly Oh, yeah. Michael michael A little lower. Holly holly I cannot keep myself from Michael. Everything he does is sexy. He has this undeniable animal magnetism. He's a jungle cat. The man exudes sex. He can put both his legs behind his head. Holly holly Thank you all for meeting on such sort notice. Gabe gabe [clears throat] Michael michael Yes? Gabe gabe [sitting in Holly's lap] Yes. Michael Scott, Dunder Mifflin. What is the purpose of this meeting? Michael michael Seeing as it's Valentine's Day, I felt it would be apropos to have a little refresher course on romance in the workplace. Gabe gabe Perfect. Yes. It is quite apro-propriate. Carry on. Michael michael First things first. An office romance is permissible. Not something you'd expect to hear from corporate. Well, guess what. Sabre is 100% tolerant of office romances. Gabe gabe Speaking of, Gabe, I don't see Erin at this meeting. Ryan ryan Uh, I also don't see Andy. Meredith meredith Oooh. Kevin kevin OOH! Boom! Face! Jim jim I get it. Andy's slamming my girlfriend. Very funny. What I do not approve of, however, is public displays of affection, or PDAs. PDAs are totally superfluous to a happy, healthy office romance. Perfect example. Look at Jim and Pam. Gabe gabe Yeah. What? Us? Pam pam They don't touch. They don't kiss. You would hardly even know that they were husband and wife. Gabe gabe Did it! Jim jim Yeah! Pam pam Love it. Keep it goin. Jim jim Okay. So, PDAs. That's gonna include behaviors such as hugging, kissing, uh... Gabe gabe Booby honking. Kevin kevin Yeah, booby honking. Sure. Gabe gabe Butt honking. Kevin kevin Butt honking. Yeah, all the honking. Gabe gabe The one where you start in a crouches position, then you leap... Creed creed Sure. Basically, there's no precise definition, but you know it when you see it. Ahem. Gabe gabe Are you guys listening to this? Oscar oscar What, are you talking about me and Holly? Michael michael Yeah! Pam pam Maybe you find your own chair. Gabe gabe So we kiss occasionally. Holly holly Not occasionally. All the time. Oscar oscar Yeah, and it's not just the kissing. It's the flirtatious whispering. Phyllis phyllis The flirtatious tickling. Stanley stanley Whispering and tickling have their place in business. Michael michael That thing were you softly exhale on her neck. Darryl darryl I... Okay, yeah, that's pretty hot. I will give you that. Look, you are all hypocrites. You all do it. Michael michael Michael. Confession: Dwight dwight No, no, it's great. I love working at Dunder Mifflin, a division of Taliban enterprises. Michael michael That's weird. I mean, that's weird to have sex in the office. That's where you work, right? Pam pam Mm-hmm. Jim jim You know, you're in a meeting, and nobody knows that you've had sex there, except for you and him. Pam pam [snorts] Ew. Jim jim Don't mind us. You keep working. Erin erin Okay. I'll keep working. Darryl darryl Oh, my God. It's a song. Erin erin Whoa. Andy andy What do you think is on it? Erin erin [softy] We should actually probably talk about it outside or we might make Darryl mad. Andy andy [softly] Not if we're talking like this. I think it's okay. He doesn't seem to hear us. Erin erin I think he can hear us. Andy andy [softly] That makes sense, 'cause I feel like I'd be able to hear us at this level. Andy andy Darryl. Erin erin Darryl is a jerk. Andy andy No, he's not. Erin erin No, I'm just testing if he can hear. Andy andy I can hear you. Darryl darryl Oh. Okay. Andy andy Okay. Then no more talking. Let's just play the song. Erin erin [Gabe singing] The temp at night. The temp at night. The temp at night. The temp at night. Boom Box boom-box The temp at night? Andy andy What do you... Erin erin You got it. Pick it up. Take it out. Darryl darryl Pi... Andy andy Pick it up. Darryl darryl Okay. Andy andy Take it out. Pick it up. Pick it up. Pick it up. Take it out. Darryl darryl Right. Okay. Andy andy Sorry to interrupt. Forgot to collect my things. Holly holly Ah, the old "leave behind." Oldest trick in the book. Good thing it's working. Michael michael Oh, no. Michael, I don't want to make people uncomfortable. Holly holly Since when is comfort the most important thing? I mean, I don't... I don't sit on your lap because it's comfortable. I sit on your lap because I like the way your thighs feel on my butt. Michael michael Yeah, but if they're uncomfortable, it makes me uncomfortable. Holly holly Oh. Okay. Well, if it makes you uncomfortable, then we'll stop. Michael michael Okay. Holly holly Holly and I are like Romeo and Juliet. And this office is like the dragon that kept them apart. Michael michael Hey, you know why people here are complaining? They are jealous of two people in love on Valentine's Day. Michael michael Two people in love? Holly holly I love you. Michael michael Wait, wait, wait, what do you mean you love me? We've only been dating for a week. Do you mean you love me like, "oh, hey, there's Holly. I love that girl." Or you do you mean you love me like you love me-love me? Holly holly I love you-love you. Michael michael Wow, you love me-love me. I love you-love you. [both laugh] Holly holly I am really disappointed in the office's policy on PDA at this moment. I love you. [shakes Holly's hand] Michael michael I love you. Holly holly Yeah, whatever. No big deal. Just the hottest girl in the world loves me. Michael michael Okay, Ryan's the temp. What does he do at night? Andy andy I guess we just have to wait until night and see. Erin erin Oh, or maybe not. [turns out the lights] Andy andy [gasps] Oh. Cool. Erin erin How romantic is this? Andy andy Super romantic. Erin erin Right. Do you see a clue or... Andy andy Yeah. Did you not see it? ["Eat at Hanks" is written in glow-in-the-dark letters above the door] Erin erin Oh, my gosh. Andy andy Hanks. Erin erin Hey! {Jim} and {Pam} jim pam [bursting out of Ryan's closet] Hey. {Andy} and {Erin} andy erin No time to chat. Andy andy Sorry. Erin erin Well, we were just looking for Ryan, so he's not here. Jim jim Hey. You're looking for me? Ryan ryan Oh, yeah, we were. We were just looking to say hi. So hey. Pam pam No you weren't. Ryan ryan No, we weren't. Pam pam You wanted to have sex in my office. Ryan ryan No. Pam pam Definitely not. That's disgusting. Jim jim No. It's... it's cool. Just try to put everything back were you found it. Text me when you're finished. I'll be out here. Ryan ryan Hey, you don't have to... Jim jim That was so embarrassing. I'm gonna die. Pam pam That was really rough. Jim jim Let me make something clear. Jim and I have never and will never have sex in the office. Pam pam No, because the office isn't what I'd consider a romantic place. Jim jim Besides, we have something those other people don't have, which is a home and a bed. Pam pam And a shower. Jim jim Hello, Holly. Michael michael Hello. Holly holly Here, shake. No! Michael michael No, don't touch. Holly holly No, we can't. Michael michael No touching. Holly holly No touching. Ah, I'm trying not to touch you. Michael michael Oh. Holly holly Oh. Michael michael Almost got you. Holly holly Oh, no, so close. Oh. No, we can't do that. We can't do this. Ohh. Michael michael You're not touching me. Holly holly I don't know what your body feels like 'cause I can't touch it. Michael michael Okay, this is much worse than before. Oscar oscar Yeah, I agree. This is nasty. Kevin kevin Grab you here. Michael michael And here. Holly holly I will grab you here anyway. [laughs] Michael michael You have to cut it out. Gabe gabe Okay. Holly holly Never. Michael michael You said you would. Holly holly I did say I would, but I was wrong. I can't stop. You don't what it is like to love a woman and have her love you back. It is a feeling that cannot and will not, and frankly, cannot be contained. Michael michael No one is a bigger fan of sexual touching than me. But with you two, it's reaching the level of a complex. I can think of three explanations. One: Gabe gabe Give me all your money and take off your clothes. Holly holly We're not supposed to PDA. Michael michael Come one. Nobody's looking. What's wrong? Holly holly I haven't thought about you having to go back to Nashua. Michael michael Maybe we didn't want to think about it. We can make it work. We'll date long-distance. Holly holly That's what we said last time. Remember? We broke up on the drive. How's this gonna be any different? Michael michael We weren't in love last time. Holly holly I was in love with you. Michael michael I'm not saying it won't be hard. But we can make it work. That's what she said. Holly holly [chuckles, sighs] Michael michael Oh. One Erin Special, please. Erin erin Here's your bottle of sparkling cider. Hank hank Hey. Andy andy [laughs] That's my favorite. Erin erin I'm now supposed to tell you to enjoy a mind-hunt break and look for a heart or some [bleep] in the break room when you're through. Hank hank [through the window at Michael] Hey, buck up, buddy! Kevin kevin Make that face he likes. Darryl darryl Hey. Hey. Come on. You're hurting him. Dwight dwight It's like a time bomb... Michael michael Shh. Dwight dwight ...is ticking down. When it goes off, no more kissing. No more hugging. Michael michael Just hush. Dwight dwight Sexual time bomb. Michael michael Just rock. Shh. Dwight dwight [into recorder] Boner Bomb starring Jason Statham. Or we go against type with an Eisenberg or a Michael Cera. Michael michael Movie idea? Dwight dwight No. [into recorder] Saving the world has never been this hard. Michael michael Okay. Shh. Have you talked to her about your feelings? Women really go for that crap. Dwight dwight No, I can't talk to her. I can't even look at her without thinking about it ending. Michael michael Kevin! Do more stupid faces. Dwight dwight Which one? I have a lot of stupid faces. Kevin kevin I don't know. Dwight dwight Do the monkey face. Michael michael Do the monkey face! Dwight dwight I love that. I love that face. Michael michael Good. He loves it. Good. Jump. Jump up and down. Dwight dwight No. The monkey! Michael michael Go back to the monkey! Dwight dwight Don't do the squirrel. Throw your poop. Michael michael Hurl your feces. Dwight dwight That's good. Michael michael Good. Dwight dwight That's good. He's throwing it. Michael michael They really do that. Dwight dwight I know. Michael michael [at vending machine] B-9. Erin erin B-9. Andy andy Like a benign tumor. Erin erin Maybe it's just more like, "be mine." Andy andy Oh, yes. There's a note. "A little cookie for you, my miss. But the real treasure is your Valentine's kiss." Erin erin Mm. Andy andy Mm. Oh. We're suppose to...mmm [leans in to kiss Andy] Erin erin Hmm. [points to Gabe blowing a kiss to Erin] Andy andy Holly. Hey. Michael michael Hi. Holly holly Holly, I love you so, so, so much. And I think we need to break up. Michael michael What? What are you talking about? Holly holly Actually, it's Valentine's Day. Shouldn't be doing this today. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Michael michael No, we're gonna talk now. You're not breaking up with me. Holly holly You're gonna go back to Nashua eventually, and I can't handle it. So let's just...let's... Michael michael What if I said it wasn't up to them? Holly holly Who? Michael michael The company. Nobody knows our future, but it's not gonna be decided by the company. It's not gonna be decided by anybody but us. What we are is up to you and me. Holly holly Okay. Okay. Michael michael Ladies and gentlemen, I have an announcement to make. As of today, officially, Holly and I are moving into together. Yay! [claps] Thank you. Thank you. Oscar, this must be tough for you, watching this go down. You could not stand in the way of true love, my friend! Michael michael Are you kidding? I wasn't trying to break you guys up. Oscar oscar Better luck next time, pal. Kevin kevin Well, the point is, there will no longer be any need for PDA here at the office between us because, when we get home, we are going to make love to and with one another, and that, to me, is the best Valentine's Day present that a person could receive. So I bid you all adieu. Michael michael You do? Holly holly I do. Michael michael Go on. Kiss each other already. [they kiss] Oscar oscar Suck it, Oscar. This must kill you. Kevin kevin I just told them to do it! Oscar oscar What? Jim jim No. Pam pam No. We took a walk. Jim jim We took a walk. Pam pam My perfect Valentine's Day? I'm at home, three cell phones in front of me, fielding desperate calls from people who want to buy one of the 50 restaurant reservations I made over six months ago. Dwight dwight Anybody can be Prince Charming one day a year with the dinner and the flowers and all that. But you know what impresses me? When a guy can do that no days a year. Ryan ryan Flowers, diamonds, three-course meal, violinist comes to my table to serenade me... Kelly kelly Pizza, soda, the moon, someone to share it with. Kevin kevin What are our plans for tonight? Umm... Michael michael [imitates a squeaky bed] [laughter] Holly holly