Hey Angela, you wanna see a picture of Phillip wearing those little booties you got us? Pam pam So cute. Angela angela Hey, you guys want to see a picture of Gerald wearing galoshes? He refused to go out in the rain until I bought these. Now going out in the rain is all he wants to do. Oscar oscar Oscar thinks that having a dog is just like having a baby. Pam pam News flash - If you didn't carry it around for nine months, it isn't your kid. Angela angela Exactly. Unless you adopted, of course. Pam pam That is where we disagree. Angela angela Hey, are your little dudes crawling yet? Oscar oscar No, three-month-old humans don't do that. Pam pam My Phillip is crawling. Angela angela Angela is such a liar! Pam pam It's maddening! Oscar oscar Exactly. That's just like crate training. All night long, all night long. Oscar oscar Well count yourself lucky. Wait until you have two. That's two sleep schedules, two naps that don't coincide, I mean, you'll never sleep again. Pam pam No one said "you must have two" Angela angela Like her genes are so important. The world just needs more Pam/Jim DNA. Thank you, no. Oscar oscar No thank you. Angela angela [laughing] Check this out. My brother just got a new sailboat. He has NO idea what he just got himself into. There's nothing harder than taking care of a boat...am i right? Andy andy Unbelievable! Angela/Pam angela pam Un-be-liev-a-ble. Oscar oscar It is the end of the day, it is the end of the week. We managed to fill 40 hours somehow. That's not bad, is it? Nellie nellie That's great. Todd Packer todd-packer Pretty good. Dwight dwight Well thank you. This is very helpful feedback. [Dwight raises his hand] Dwight, I am still not ready to name a VP. Nellie nellie [laughing] That's not what I was going to ask. Gosh, jump to conclusions. Come on, I know, you've got so much on your plate. Right now, you're like 'oh, what's more important? Dwight's question, figure out who's the VP?' Dwight, VP. Dwight, VP. Dwight, VP. Dwight, VP. Dwight dwight I can't be hypnotized, Dwight. I tried it, I ended up smoking more. Nellie nellie Can we at least eliminate those that are not in the running? Free them up to focus more completely on the menial. Like stacking or sorting, or- Dwight dwight Catching butterflies. Jim jim That's a hobby, unless it's for food. Dwight dwight Theater. Jim jim Waste of time. Dwight dwight Dragging. Jim jim That's just a verb. Dwight dwight Dragging sticks. Jim jim Yes, nice, perfect. Dragging sticks. Dwight dwight Alright, I'm gonna eliminate three people right now, okay? Just... you three, no. Nellie nellie Not good enough (clicks tongue) Todd Packer todd-packer English peoples' main use today is judging American talent. [British accent] You're crap. You're wonderful. [back to American] They're mean, but they're incisive. Dwight dwight Everyone meet in the hotel bar at 7:00. I'm not allowed to say it's mandatory, so let's just call it compulsory. Nellie nellie I'll be there at 6:00 Todd Packer todd-packer Ugh, we're gonna have one of those crazy nights, aren't we? Maybe we'll see the real 'Talla-nasty' we've been hearing so much about. Cathy cathy 'Talla-nasty', very clever. Jim jim Thank you- Cathy cathy Wait, wait, you think she invented 'Talla-nasty?' [chuckles] no, no, no, no... Gabe gabe Cathy? It's been great. Fun, normal. [in voiceover] I thought I was gonna be hanging out with stanley on this trip, but he's turned out to be kind of a loose cannon. Jim jim My friend and I are new here in Tallahassee. Would you like to get a cocktail? [Jim slowly slinks down in his seat, with the 'Jim Face']. Maybe go out for a little dancing. Beautiful day, no? Stanley stanley Okay, everybody. 5:00. Workday is over. Put your pencils down. Aaannnnddd bring 'em back up, because now, the late night work jam begins! Andy andy Yes, the conference room is set up. I've got pens, I've got paper, I've got a whiteboard, we are good to go! Pam pam Say what? Andy andy We are good to goooo! Pam pam Say what? Andy andy We're good to goooo! Pam pam Stop it. Angela angela Say- Andy andy Stop it. Angela angela Andy. Oscar oscar Tonight we're staying late to service the accounts of the people who went on the Florida trip. Andy andy Yes, of course, we could've just been doing this the whole time, but SOMEONE dropped the ball. Pam pam ...ball droppings can be beautiful. For example, when it turns an awkward soprano into a rich, full tenor. Andy andy Jason Bourne would kick Bond's ass. Todd Packer todd-packer Jason Bourne has no support staff. His own government's out to get him. Nellie nellie Genghis Khan could take 'em both down 'cause he's not afraid to kill children ... What? it's true. He- He would- he would eviscerate babies and hang them from poles outside of the villages. (Jim taps Dwight on the shoulder) Dwight dwight Okay, drinking game. Count of three, take three sips. Todd Packer todd-packer That's a stupid game. I got a great drinking game. Okay, everyone empty your pockets. Whoever has the most seeds is the king. Whoever has the least buttons is the hunchback. Dwight dwight What happens if you're the hunchback? Gabe gabe Oh, you get kicked. Dwight dwight How many buttons do you have? Jim jim (takes out bag) 40. Always. Dwight dwight Can I see? Cathy cathy Sure. (Hands bag to Cathy) Dwight dwight So, I get to kick you now. Cathy cathy No, they're not transferrable just 'cause I handed 'em to you. Dwight dwight Well, that's how I played it in college. Cathy cathy College rules (Cathy throws Jim the bag and Jim kicks Dwight) Jim jim Aah! Dwight dwight Aaaaand he host at his own lame game. Todd Packer todd-packer Ooh, double meaning! The game was lame, and now he's lame from the kick. Quick wit. Nellie nellie Thank you. Todd Packer todd-packer (Dwight looks on angrily) None none I'll have a glass of your oakiest chardonnay, please. Ryan ryan And I will have waffle with your mapliest syrup. Erin erin Sorry, no waffles. Waitress waitress Oh, okay. Just forget it, then. Forget it. Forget it. Erin erin A waffle? Ryan ryan A hotel waffle. I know what I want to eat. Is that crazy? Erin erin No. Ryan ryan I'm moving down here, you know. Erin erin Oh, no, I didn't know. Ryan ryan I'm young, and I can ... and if I can't, I'm still pretty young. I guess I'll always be young. Erin erin You come with me. We're gonna get you that waffle. Ryan ryan Why would Erin confide in me that she's staying here in Florida if she didn't want me to make some last-ditch, nothing to lose, Kelly Ka-who run at her? (Erin walks over) Hey. Ryan ryan Hey. Erin erin Watson carpet and tile. Pam pam One order. Kevin kevin Order reference number 00983-126. Oscar oscar Eight Cases, bright white inkjet. Phyllis phyllis Paid. Angela angela I'm dying! Kelly kelly Processed. Darryl darryl And delivered. Val val Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream, and then sometimes I actually do scream. I just sorta feel out what the situation calls for. Kelly kelly I will be right back. Nellie nellie I will be here. Todd Packer todd-packer Hey. I see what you're doing. It's futile. the VP position is mine. Dwight dwight Oh, please, You're through. She's going to give it to me as I'm giving it to her tonight. The cowgirl has chosen her saddle. [clicks tongue, whinnies] Todd Packer todd-packer Well, saddles... [clicks tongue, whinnies] ... sometimes fall off, especially if you don't properly cinch the girth. Dwight dwight What? That's a joke, right? You see the way she's all over me. Todd Packer todd-packer If anyone's having sex with Nellie for personal gain, it's me, and I'm not joking at all. If you don't tighten your saddle, you may fall off. Dwight dwight Who is ready for dinner? "oh, I bet it's pizza, or tacos, or something stupid". No. [claps] I went south of the border for this. And then I went south of that border. And we have ourselves... [takes foil off tray] [Jamaican accent] A Jamaican feast, mon! Andy andy [Disapproval from everyone else] None none If I wanted Jamaican food I'd just hire a bunch of bodyguards and go there. Phyllis phyllis Additional trivia factoid, this food comes to us through Val. And our server is none other than Brandon, her boyf! Andy andy Hey. Val val How you doing, Val? [Val and Brandon kiss] Brandon brandon Jamaican, huh? I just read about the elections down there. Crazy stuff. Oscar oscar Oh no, I'm not actually Jamaican. Brandon brandon Terrific. Oscar oscar What's up man? I'm Darryl. Darryl darryl Darryl, I heard about you. You doing good? Brandon brandon Oh yeah. Darryl darryl Must be doing real good since you're f***ing my girlfriend. Brandon brandon Whoa. Everyone everyone Dude, you didn't tell me you were f***ing Val. High five! Kevin kevin I'm not sleeping with your girlfriend. Darryl darryl Brandon, what the hell are you talking about? Val val Don't play dumb with me. I know what's up. Brandon brandon Honey, I am not sleeping with- Val val Heyyy... let's get back to the food. Brandon, tell us about these delicious looking goops! Andy andy Hope you all like goat. Brandon brandon Goat... Andy andy Blow in my ear. Nellie nellie Alright. Todd Packer todd-packer Like I'm on the beach. Nellie nellie [Packer blows in Nellie's ear] None none [imitates seagull calls] Seagull. [Continues seagull calls] Dwight dwight And a wave crashing... a wave crashing. Nellie nellie [Packer and Dwight imitate waves] None none Oh, that is lovely. Nellie nellie Alright, that's gonna do it for me tonight. Have a lovely evening. Jim jim [Cathy knocks on Jim's door and Jim answers] None none Hey, how's it going? Jim jim Hey, uh, good. Uh, the heating system though in my room is all messed up. It's like 90 degrees in there. Maintenance is working on it. Can I hang out here? Cathy cathy Uh... yeah, I'm just watching basketball. Jim jim Okay, yeah. Cathy cathy Okay. Jim jim Cool... [Jumps onto bed] Is this March Madness? I love March Madness. Cathy cathy Oh, no, that's not this 'cause that's in... March. Uh, this is just the NBA. Professional. Miami Heat, actually, so... [sits on floor] Jim jim LeBron James. Cathy cathy Yes, nice. Good word association Jim jim [giggles] Cathy cathy [Cathy walks over to mini fridge and bends over to take something out. Jim looks away] None none [Packer takes string out of his mouth] None none Impressive. Nellie nellie Oh please, anyone can tie a knot, the real skill is in untying it [puts string in his mouth] Dwight dwight Thornwood Wholesalers. Andy andy One order. Kevin kevin I read the text you sent to Val, man. Brandon brandon That's messed up. Val val Is this spicy? Angela angela No, baby girl. It would be messed up if I didn't find anything, but I did, so- Brandon brandon I'm pretty sure if Darryl sent Val a text, it was about some paper emergency or something. Andy andy At midnight? Brandon brandon ... yeah... Andy andy It happens! Like a hospital needs more napkins for surgery... Kevin kevin Guys, we're not gonna settle anything this way. I think we just need to be grown-ups here. Kelly kelly Thank you. Andy andy I thin we're gonna need to here those texts. Kelly kelly Kelly, remember how you wanted to go home before? Andy andy No. There's no way in hell I'm leaving. Something interesting is happening here for once in my life, I am staying here. Darryl, read the texts. Kelly kelly [Knock at the door] None none Yup, coming. [opens door] All right. Jim jim My mini bar is oddly out of rum. Stanley stanley We have plenty. Jim jim Oh, hello. [laughs with Cathy] Stanley stanley Do you want to watch the game with us? We're watching a game. The Heat game. Just a game. Jim jim Got it. Good night. Careful Jim, it gets easier and easier. Stanley stanley No, no, no, Stanley. Jim jim mm-hmm. [about to leave] Stanley stanley Stanley. Stanley. Jim jim uh-huh. Stanley stanley Stanley. Uhh... you know what? Just bring back those bottles! Jim jim Whoa. the lights are still on. Erin erin Yeah, they keep them on 'cause it's less expensive than turning them on and off. Ryan ryan I like how guys just know stuff all the time. Erin erin Girls know a lot of stuff too, okay? And nobody knows more than you. Especially me. Ryan ryan [gasps] Hello, waffle iron. Erin erin Hello, what do we have here? Ryan ryan Okay, so the recipe says we need a mixing bowl... Erin erin Right. Ryan ryan ... a measuring cup... Erin erin Got that. [Metallic thud] Get down. Ryan ryan [whispers] It's the fuzz! Erin erin [whispers] Shh! do you want us to get scolded? Shut your beautiful, beautiful mouth, please. Ryan ryan "I got too much ice cream. You want some?" "Getting' my fry on." Darryl darryl Boring. Kelly kelly Uh, "The moon is huge tonight." Darryl darryl Ooh, gosh, the moon one's damning. Yeah, sorry. Phyllis phyllis That's regular text talk. Darryl darryl You forgot one. Brandon brandon "You're such a great friend." Darryl darryl With the dots. Brandon brandon "You're such a great friend, dot dot dot dot dot." Darryl darryl Five dots, Darryl, are you kidding me? Okay, 'cause three dots means 'to be continued', four dots is a typo, but five dots means "Whoa, do not make me say what I want to say, baby, but if I did, it would blow your mind, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. Kelly kelly Oh... Everyone everyone See? Yes. Thank you, sister. Brandon brandon Brandon, Darryl and me? That's ridiculous, right? Val val Yeah, totally crazy. Puts me in an insane asylum just thinking about it. I'm stranded on shutter island over here. Darryl darryl You look like Ed Harris if they stretched him a little bit. Nellie nellie You wanna see a picture of me trapped under a tree? [cell phone rings] ...ahhmmm... excuse me... What?! Not now, I'm busy. Dwight dwight [on phone] I'm sorry, I thought you'd want to know that I saw a bedbug in my room. But, never mind, sorry to interrupt. Jim jim Wait wait wait wait, bedbugs? Oh no... Freak, I need a favor. Dwight dwight Well, then you have to call me by my name. Gabriel Susan Lewis. Gabe gabe I gotta be gone for a few minutes. You make sure that Packer does NOT sleep with Nellie. Dwight dwight What's in it for GSL? Gabe gabe You really want Packer as your boss? Dwight dwight Got it. Gabe gabe If Jim has bedbugs, that means they're everywhere. I can't risk them coming back to Schrute Farms. Our biggest attraction is our 200 year old mattresses. Dwight dwight Where did you see it? Dwight dwight In the bed. Jim jim I haven't seen anything. Cathy cathy We gotta find it before it eggs. [pulls sheets off bed] Dwight dwight Jeez... Cathy cathy Describe it. Dwight dwight Brown, shiny, painful bite. Jim jim Could be a bat weevil... Describe its mood. Did it seen sleepy? Dwight dwight Stressed, but to be fair, it was a tense situation. Jim jim Fair enough, but after it bit you, did it run away fearful, or did it walk away smug, self-assured? Dwight dwight So smug. Like he thought it was funny, like this. Jim jim Pshh. That's a bedbug. Dwight dwight Yeah. Jim jim Everything's a joke. Dwight dwight I know. Jim jim Check your hair! [checks Jim's hair] Dwight dwight Ow. Jim jim God, oh. So greasy, you should just shave all this. Dwight dwight Just check it. Jim jim You are clean. Okay... One thing a bedbug thrives on is heat and carbon dioxide [starts running in place and turning up the thermostat] I am going to generate myself into a human trap. [starts to take off clothes] When I jump into the bed, you are going to cover me with the sheet immediately. And then we'll see who's laughing. [dastardly laugh] Dwight dwight Alright. Jim jim Yeah. [jumps into bed] Cover me! Dwight dwight Is this really nessecary? Cathy cathy He knows what he's doing. Jim jim Let the bedbugs bite! Dwight dwight Ugh, god, I feel so gross. I have to go take a shower. Cathy cathy Alright, then I will catch you later... What do we do now? Jim jim We wait. [Shower starts] Come to papa. Dwight dwight Oh. Jim jim [Packer and Nellie are speaking softly to each other. Gabe sprays his inhaler into Packer's drink.] None none I don't know, Dwight, I think maybe you should check again. Jim jim Nope, I wasn't bitten. Dwight dwight Well, maybe it isn't warm enough in here. Jim jim Oh, it's plenty warm, and I was farting continuously under the sheet, creating a kind of greenhouse effect. Dwight dwight Come on. Jim jim If there were any in here, They would've imbedded themselves in me. Dwight dwight You know what? Maybe they just ate. Jim jim No, you're good. Clean bill of health! Besides I gotta get back downstairs. I left Packer alone with Nellie for way too long. Dwight dwight Okay, they're fine. They're adults. Jim jim No, that's the problem. Packer is trying to bed Nellie for the VP job unless I do it first. Dwight dwight Is that really how you want to get this job? Jim jim Such a chorus girl. Dwight dwight Okay, Dwight... Dwight... Dwight, Dwight Dwight!... uh... Jim jim [in a bathrobe] Is crazy gone? Cathy cathy [Jim does his signature face] None none [Nellie and Packer are dancing. Gabe winks at Dwight. Packer pukes all over Gabe's slacks and walks off.] None none Oh! Nellie nellie They don't make these cords in boot cut anymore! Gabe gabe Euughh... Pathetic, huh? A real man swallows his vomit when a lady is present... Hey. Dwight dwight Yeah, one death by chocolate, one bananas foster... Okay, cool. Thanks... I know, I'm a pig, right? Cathy cathy Hmm? No. Jim jim [giggles] Wait, this why I exercise like a fiend. Feel. Seriously. Cathy cathy Okay alright. [gets up] I'm really sorry, uh, I just have to say it. I'm-I'm married. I'm very happily married. Jim jim Oh my God, what are you thinking? Cathy cathy um... I mean- Jim jim I know that you're married, I sat at your wife's desk. How little do you think of me? Cathy cathy I'm sorry, I feel like maybe I'm-I'm I misread things. Okay, let's just go back to watching. Jim jim Can you... without running to the other side of the room all night? Cathy cathy Yes, I can. [Cathy laughs] uh, all right. I'm really sorry. I think we'll just... we'll just watch. You can watch, not watch, whatever you want to do. Take another shower, I don't care. Jim jim Okay. [Sits next to Jim.] I am so cold. Cathy cathy [Jim Face] Jim jim Hey, Darryl. You okay? Pam pam She's got a boyfriend. Darryl darryl Play it cool, man. She'll come around. Andy andy No, you should go for it. I mean nothing would've happened with me and Jim if he didn't put himself out there. Pam pam Yeah, but... My friend Jim would tell you to play it cool. Andy andy My husband would tell you to go for it. Pam pam Hey. Ryan ryan Hey. Erin erin Hey. Ryan ryan Hey. Erin erin Hey, this is fun. Ryan ryan A lot of fun. Erin erin I know. Can I give you a compliment? I'm really impressed by how much you've grown. Since I met you, it's like night and day. Ryan ryan You should move down here with me. Erin erin Yeah? Ryan ryan We could be roommates. Erin erin Really? Ryan ryan We could get a dog. We could go to R-rated movies. And who knows, I mean, you're a guy, I'm a girl- Erin erin Yeah. Ryan ryan Maybe in six months- Erin erin [louder] Six months?... um, okay, I'm in love with Kelly. Ryan ryan Put your forehead near mine, and see if you can read my thoughts. Nellie nellie Okay... Seven, one, one, nine... Dwight dwight No, no, no, not numbers, no. Nellie nellie No, okay. Dwight dwight No. Nellie nellie Try again... Ugh, I'm still getting numbers! Seven, one, one... is anyone around here thinking the numbers seven one one? 'Cause please stop, okay? Dwight dwight Dwight, give me a key card to your room. Meet me in seven minutes for some one-on-one time. Nellie nellie [gasps]Wait, the numbers! Dwight dwight Mm-hmm. Nellie nellie oh... Dwight dwight mm-hmm... Nellie nellie There you go. Dwight dwight I will see you in seven- Nellie nellie Seven minutes. [Dwight and Nellie kiss]... Nellie, wait. Let me write my room number on the card. [chuckles]. [Dwight writes on the key card scratches it with a magnet and hands it back to Nellie] Dwight dwight [in voiceover] Win at all costs, don't respect women. These are the tenets I was brought up with, and they have served me well. But my ancestors never worked in corporate America, and before that, hunters. And before that, time travelers. And before that, me again. At least, that's how the legend goes. The point is they never had to worry about how they got ahead. They just had to put food on the table and not alter the past. Dwight dwight 1434-967, paid. Angela angela It has been processed. Darryl darryl It has been delivered. Val val That's it, last one. Pam pam [Everyone applauds] None none Andy this has been an amazing night. Epic. Kelly kelly Cool-down fiesta begins right now. I got decaf coffee... Andy andy No way. Phyllis phyllis I got Romy and Michele's High School Reunion... Andy andy Hey. I just wanted to apologize. I mean, that was so weird. Can we just, like, never talk about it again? Val val Sure. Darryl darryl Okay, thanks. Val val Hey, just so you know, me and you... I don't think that's ridiculous... Dot, dot, dot... dot, dot. Darryl darryl [Jim walks into his room to find a bathrobe on the floor] None none All right. Now I think it's time for you to go. Jim jim What? Oh, Jim, I thought we talked about this. You're cool, right? Cathy cathy Cathy, go. Jim jim [wearing face mask with spray chemicals in hand] Where's the bug? Dwight dwight Awesome. Jim jim [sprays the bed and Cathy] Stand back! Dwight dwight Aah! Stop, it, oh my god! That burns! what is that?! Cathy cathy [continues spraying the bed] It's a compound of chemicals I pulled off the maid's cart! Dwight dwight [coughs and moans] Cathy cathy Right there! [points to Cathy] Jim jim Oh stop it, stop it, stop it! Cathy cathy [coughs] Oh, big one! Big one! Really big one! Jim jim I can't breathe! Cathy cathy I think I saw it! Dwight dwight Stop it! [runs out the door] Cathy cathy Nice job, I think you got 'em. Jim jim You can't stay here, this place is a biohazard. If I were you, I'd just bunk with Cathy. Dwight dwight [Jim face] Jim jim Second best Bananas Foster I've ever had. Dwight dwight Oh yeah? What's the first best? Jim jim [at the door, unsuccessfully trying to open it with the demagnetized key card] Dwight? [knocks] Hello? Dwight? Nellie nellie [whispers] Is that Nellie? Jim jim [whispers] Don't let-shh! Dwight dwight Are you in there? I can see the light on under your door. Hello? [knocks] [Dwight turns off the lights] Oh, look at that. The light went off, just as I said the light went on. Hello? [knocks] Dwight? [whispers] Dwight. [Dwight eats his Bananas Foster] Nellie nellie