Buenos dias, Erin. Michael michael Buenos dias, Miguel. [phone rings] Hello, Dunder-Mifflin. Erin erin No, no, no, no. Solamente en espanol, por favor. Michael michael I believe that every man, woman, and child in this country should learn how to speak Spanish. They are our neighbors to the South, and this would be a healing thing for... for all of North America. And... I am going on vacation next week to Cancun. Michael michael Buenos dias, Jaime. Michael michael Buenos dias, Miguel. Como estas? Bien? Claro que si! Yo estoy fantastico. Que pasa? Jim jim Ha ha! Buenos dias, Dwight! Michael michael Guten tag, Herr Michael. Dwight dwight I don't understand why Michael is wasting his time with Spanish. I have it on very good authority that within 20 years, everyone will be speaking German. Or a Chinese-German hybrid. Dwight dwight La telefona. Michael michael El telefono. Oscar oscar Michael's having a hard time with the gender part of Spanish. So I told him to mark everything with the international symbol for gender. And, um... [holds up two blurred-out drawings of male and female genitalia] I should have been more specific. Oscar oscar Your office is full of genitalia. Oscar oscar [clears throat] Oh. Eso es lo que dice, el! Michael michael "That's what he says?" Oscar oscar Damn it. [knock on door] Ah, Angelo. Michael michael Angela. [Michael sticks post-it on Angela's forehead with female genitalia] Michael. Angela angela Yo soy Cancun. Michael michael [removes post-it, leaves] Uhh! Angela angela All right, so I'll finish up on bulk pricing, and then you go into delivery guarantee. Jim jim You know, maybe there's an opportunity for a joke there, like, um... like, [vaudeville delivery] "I just delivered a baby. They didn't offer me a guarantee." Pam pam Yeah, or maybe we don't even need that. Jim jim Can you smell the power of the Halperts? Power couple. Michael michael You know what? I should be getting this client, Michael. My numbers are better than either of theirs. Dwight dwight I went with the people I thought would put the best face on the company. Michael michael If you want people to put the best face on something, why would you get two people who probably never cut the face off of anything in their lives? Dwight dwight [whispers] That's a good point. Jim jim This is our first joint sales pitch. I think we're gonna work really well together. Pam pam Yeah I think we have complimentary strengths. We understand each other. Jim jim We have good give and take. [vaudeville delivery] I give, he takes. Pam pam [whispering] I don't even know who you are anymore. Jim jim [vaudeville delivery] Yee. Pam pam Hi, uh, Donna Newton, here to see Michael Scott. Donna donna Oh, hey, Miss Newton. Hi, I'm Jim. Jim jim Hi! Donna donna How are you? Jim jim Did somebody order a hooker over here? Michael michael [laughing] Oh, stop that. Donna donna Hi. How are you? Michael michael There's this woman I met a few weeks ago. Her name is Donna, the manager of Sid & Dexter's and, right now, we're in the midst of a passionate love affair. Um, no. But she is coming by today. Maybe to buy some printers, so... Michael michael Right here, we have the wonder twins, Jim and Pam Halpert. They will be assisting you today. Michael michael You look exactly alike. Donna donna Oh, no we're actually married. We're not brother and sister. Pam pam I have a sense about these things. Donna donna All right. Jim jim You have some ancestors in common... somewhere back. Donna donna I knew it. You should see their baby. Angela angela [explaining PowerPoint to Donna] So, yes, laser printers are more expensive. But they cost less to operate [knocking] So it's a tradeoff. Jim jim [barges in] Hi. Michael michael Hold on one second. Jim jim Sorry to interrupt. Sorry to interrupt. Do you, Donna, by any chance shop at Victoria's Secret? Michael michael What? Jim jim Because I keep getting these magazines sent to me via the address of the woman who used to live in my condo before me. Michael michael None of this is time sensitive. Jim jim Uh, yes, uh, the sale is on now through May. Michael michael Oh, yeah, thank you. Donna donna Okay, I have more of them. Michael michael You would have weekly conference calls with executives in corporate. A two-week training program at the Yale school of management, obviously you would be high on the list for advancement opportunities. Gabe gabe Sounds all right. Darryl darryl What is this? Dwight dwight Oh, this is "Print in All Colors," Sabre's minority executive training program. Gabe gabe It doesn't just sound a'ight, it sounds amazing. Dwight dwight I didn't say "a'ight." Darryl darryl How do I apply? Dwight dwight You have to be a minority. Gabe gabe Uh, glasses wearers. Cholera survivors. Geniuses. Non-organic family farmers. The list goes on and on. You want me to keep going? Dwight dwight Those don't really count. We're thinking more ethnic and racial minorities. Gabe gabe Come here. Come here. Dwight dwight Hmm? Gabe gabe Ten seconds ago, this guy was driving a forklift. Okay? Now all off a sudden he's Cinderella of the office. What are you guys thinking? Dwight dwight Well... Gabe gabe I like the sound of this. [looks at Dwight] Maybe one day I'll be sitting in Michael's chair. Wouldn't that be something? Darryl darryl One minority from this branch is going to get into this program. Who would I refer? Hmm... the competent, hardworking one who does things his own way, or the malleable simpleton who can be bought for a few fashion magazines? Dwight dwight [on phone] This is the second time that you've sent me the wrong size. I mean, I know what a four feels like. I've been a four my whole life. You know what? You can go to Hell. All right? Thanks for nothing. Kelly kelly Oh, man. White people, right? Dwight dwight I don't know if she was white. Kelly kelly Well, you can kinda tell from the voice. Dwight dwight Yeah. Kelly kelly I bet you get pulled over by the cops a lot, just because of your race. Dwight dwight Well, they say it's because of texting, but maybe you're right. Kelly kelly I think you should consider applying for the executive minority training program. Dwight dwight Never thought of myself as an executive before. Kelly kelly I know, 'cause you have no role models. How many Indian CEO's can you think of? Dwight dwight I can't think of any CEO's, any race. Kelly kelly You could be the Indian Bill Gates. You could be the Indian Ted Turner. Dwight dwight I could be the Indian Julia Roberts. Kelly kelly That's not... she's... okay. Yes. Dwight dwight I took the liberty to scan a few things earlier, and I want to show you... there we go! [Michael's picture pops up on the PowerPoint screen] Whoa, look at those vivid colors. Look at my eyes. Those are Shrek-green eyes. That is me again. I think this displays the crisp, dazzling white. Michael michael Mm-hmm. Donna donna And that would be a display [image from a catalog of a man wearing only white boxers pops up] of the crisp, gorgeous black. Michael michael Yeah. Donna donna It's subtle. That's how it works. I show her an image that turns her on. And then she looks at me, then back at me, then back at the image. Soon, she doesn't know what is me, what is the image. She just knows that she's turned on. Michael michael This is a place that I like to go to be alone with my thoughts. I've never taken anybody there before. Michael michael Who took the photo? Donna donna Ryan. Michael michael Oh. [Michael quickly advances PowerPoint show to last slide which is "SEX" in bold white letters on a black background and then exits the show quickly] Donna donna And that's it. That's me. That's who I am. Michael michael [giggles] Not bad. Donna donna Oh, thanks. [softly] You're not bad, either. Michael michael Thank you. [Michael tries t kiss Donna, Donna clears throat] Hmm. Donna donna Hmm. Michael michael Oh my God. [realizing Jim and Pam are looking through the conference room windows] Donna donna Jim! Could you come in here for a sec? What was that printer we were looking at? Michael michael [in his office] You didn't see it, Pam. She was giving me all sorts of signals that she wanted me to make a move. Shortbread? Michael michael No. Jim jim I'll have one. Pam pam Well, maybe you shouldn't try to kiss people at work. Jim jim Oh really, Jim? What about Pam? And you did a heck of a lot more than kiss. Maybe this could be my Pam. Michael michael Okay. Well, all that is irrelevant. Jim jim Maybe Michael has a point. I mean, if she was really that upset, she wouldn't still be here. Pam pam Was it professional? No. But I work in the nightlife industry. I get hit on all the time. In my 20's it would have been annoying. In my late 20's, I find it really flattering. Donna donna Look, I know that I screwed up in there. I know that I probably messed up your sale. I just want to go in and fix it. Michael michael What if I back out and you finish the pitch with Jim? Pam pam What? Jim jim What was that? Jim jim Just let him flirt with her. People meet each other all sorts of ways. Pam pam Pam, you know he's not gonna get anywhere, and he's gonna blow our sale. Jim jim Who cares? [Michael peeking at them through his office window] It's not that huge a sale. Pam pam Hey, the Schwab guy told us to treat every sale like it was a huge sale. Jim jim Don't act like you understood anything that guy said. [pat's Jim's arm] Good luck, wingman. [salutes] Pam pam How as being a minority affected you? Dwight dwight Well, there's a lot of pressure from my parents to settle down and marry an Indian guy. Kelly kelly Oh, good, and you resent this because... Dwight dwight Indian guys always wear their cell phones outside their pants. It's so dorky. Kelly kelly Oh, no, no. That's not dorky. [Dwight wears his phone like that] Look, it's easily accessible. Boom, like this. 911, hello. Scranton Strangler's in the house. Inside the house. Dwight dwight Just put it in your pocket. Kelly kelly [indistinct chatter inside conference room] {Michael} and {Donna} michael donna [looking it] Look at that. She's totally flirting with him. Kevin kevin You don't know that. Some people can't help oozing sexuality. Phyllis phyllis You ever notice you can ooze two things: Creed creed Is this... is this the best you can do right there? Donna donna Uh, for that printer, yes. Unfortunately we don't have a lot of flexibility. Jim jim Oh. Well, I guess I'm just used to the restaurant business, [removes sweater revealing her revealing top] where, if you're in charge, then you can always get discounts for the people that you like. Donna donna Yeah. [chuckles] Jim jim So maybe we could find a little wiggle room, right? Michael michael What's that? Jim jim Maybe wee find some wiggle room? Michael michael I don't... I don't think so. Jim jim I think we could. [Donna giggles] Michael michael I don't see how we could possibly sell these for that little without losing money. Delivery alone will cost... Oscar oscar Okay, well sometimes... sometimes it makes financial sense to lose money, right? Like for tax purposes. Michael michael Actually, ran the numbers on this, and in this case, it makes more financial sense to gain money. Oscar oscar Why don't you run them again? Michael michael What if she's just flirting with you to get a better price? Jim jim If she is, it's working. Michael michael Yeah, Michael, here's a trick. Ask her if she wants a mint. If she says "no," then she is not interested. Kevin kevin She does not like him. Jim jim You can flirt with someone to get what you want and also be attracted to them. How do you think we got together? Pam pam 'cause I stopped by your desk like 15 times a day. Jim jim I was after your money. Pam pam Well, the joke was on you. Jim jim Yes, it was. Pam pam [typing] Can you stop micromanaging? I know how to do this. Kelly kelly Okay... Ryan ryan Hey... what are you guys doing? Dwight dwight This girl was really rude to me at the mall. So I created a fake I.M. account from a hot guy at her high school, and now I'm trying to make her anorexic. Kelly kelly Tell her everyone in home room thinks she's fat. Ryan ryan Oh, that is so good. Kelly kelly You know, we really should keep practicing for this interview. Dwight dwight Oh, that's okay. Ryan coached me. Kelly kelly Ryan? What does he know? Dwight dwight It's easy... you just turn every question around on them. Do you think you're treated differently because of your race? Ryan ryan Would you ask that same question if I was white? We're so in. Kelly kelly "We?" Dwight dwight When I become executive, I'm gonna make Ryan manager. Kelly kelly And then the two of us are cleanin' house. Ryan ryan Kelly will be even worse than Darryl. If you'd have told me this morning that today I'd be creating a monster capable f my own destruction, I 'd have thought you were referring to the bull Mose and I are trying to reanimate. Dwight dwight So corporate approval of this contract is contingent upon buyer and seller... Michael michael Mm-hmm. Donna donna Operating blahdy blahdy blah. Boilerplate. Pound of fish. [Donna laughing] Just kidding. Do you like mints? Michael michael Yes. Donna donna I carry mints with me sometimes. You ever tried those? Michael michael Oh, I haven't tried those. No. Donna donna They're good [Donna grabs mint] Michael michael You want one? Donna donna Sure. Michael michael It's like cool... "certified cool." I like how they say "certified." Like there's some consortium of... [Michael grabs the mint from Donna's hand with his mouth, Donna pulls her hand away] Michael! Donna donna I can't stop myself from kissing her. Michael michael Yeah, now you know how I feel sitting next to those M&M's all day. Kevin kevin Well, why don't you just move the M&M's? Andy andy Well, why don't you shut up! Kevin kevin Okay, guys, guys, guys. Just tell me it's not totally insane to try one more time. Michael michael It is totally insane. Jim jim Michael, he's right. You are turning into a stalker. Oscar oscar Okay. What do you think? Michael michael I think it's over, man. Kevin kevin Andy? Michael michael Ehh. Andy andy Okay, some for, some against. Michael michael Nobody's for. Jim jim Pam? Michael michael Hmm? Pam pam What do you think? Michael michael Um... I think it's really, really unlikely. Pam pam Okay. Jim jim Really unlikely. But I can't say that it's impossible. Pam pam What? Jim jim I'm not saying she's in love with him. But she could have left a while ago. Most printer sales are done over the phone, Ms. Boob shirt. Pam pam I'm going with Pam's group. Michael michael Wait. Jim jim Here we go. Michael michael Michael. Michael. Jim jim Okay. Michael michael Michael. Jim jim No, guys, guys, guys. Guys, just... thank you for talking. Wish me luck. Michael michael No. Jim jim What sort of movie would Rudy have been if he had just stopped, given up, after two rejections? Would have been a lot shorter. Probably been a lot funnier. But it would have ultimately been a disappointment. I still would have seen it, but that's not... the point. Michael michael Kelly is disqualified! Dwight dwight What? Gabe gabe You said the program is not open to Caucasians. Well... anthropologically, she is Indian. Indians migrated from the caucuses region of Europe. Therefore, technically, she is Caucasian. You're welcome, America. Dwight dwight Yeah, but she's not white, though. Gabe gabe Well, obviously, she is brownish. But come on, I mean, Darryl is far more ethnic. Dwight dwight Darryl withdrew his application. He said the Yale program interfered with his softball league, you know? He's gone. Gabe gabe I got my whole life to be a minority executive. I only have about a year left in these knees, though. Darryl darryl Kelly is the only applicant. Dwight dwight Yeah, unless somebody else applies today. Gabe gabe Namaste. Kelly kelly Oh, dear God. Okay. Don't make any decisions just yet. Okay? I'll be right back. Dwight dwight Hello. Kelly kelly That's very nice. [referring to Kelly's bindi] I never noticed that before. Gabe gabe Sometimes my bangs cover it. Kelly kelly Yeah. I don't want to be offensive but, uh... may I ask you what that means? Gabe gabe I do find that offensive, actually. Kelly kelly We should have your contract done by Thursday. Michael michael Oh, great. Great, I will look out for that stuff, then. Donna donna Okay. Michael michael And, um... you know I just wanted to say it was really... really nice to do business with you. Donna donna Yeah it was nice to do business with you, too. Michael michael Thank you. Did I... get everything? Donna donna I don't know. I think so. Michael michael Yeah, I think so. Donna donna [whispers] Okay. So... Oh, Donna? Michael michael Yeah? Do you need validation? We don't... we don't validate. Donna donna No, it's just in the lot, so... Donna donna Thank you so much. Michael michael You're welcome. [they hug] You're... welcome. Donna donna Mmm. [Donna giggles] Michael michael Bye. Donna donna [follows her out of office] Ahem. So, um... okay, if you have... if there's any other questions that you have... Michael michael I don't have, uh, any other questions. [blind clanking as she leans against door to prevent from Michael kissing her] I'm just gonna... make my way down to... Donna donna All right. All right. Bye. Michael michael Bye-bye! Donna donna And have a good elevator ride. Michael michael Okay. Donna donna Oh, what's that out there? Michael michael Michael, how did it go? [Michael goes in his office and closes door] Kevin kevin How would one of you feel if I told you I could put you on a fast track to an executive position at this company? Dwight dwight Holy cow. I'd be so happy. Erin erin I wasn't talking to you, pale-face. Dwight dwight I know. I meant I'd be happy for them. Erin erin What I'm offering is a ticket on a bullet train straight to middle management. Dwight dwight Dwight, I know these programs. "Every color is important because, together, we make a rainbow." Stanley stanley Yes. Dwight dwight I'll slap you in the face with a rainbow. Stanley stanley Mm! Erin erin Speaking of rainbows, Oscar... you are kind of a double minority. Gay. So we at Sabre could really benefit from your perspective. Dwight dwight Dwight, we know Kelly applied. We're not gonna cross her. No matter how good the program is. Oscar oscar I can protect you from Kelly. [Erin stifles laugh] Will you get out of here? Seriously. [Erin turns and leaves kitchen] Dwight dwight For hobbies, um, yoga, belly dancing, snake charming. Beds of nails. I like lying on them. Kelly kelly Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa! This is Hide Toshi Hasagawa. He would like to apply for the Sabre minority executive training program "print in all colors" initiative. Dwight dwight Dwight: Kelly kelly Hey, Michael. [Michael is sitting on couch outside his office] How you doing? Pam pam I don't know. I don't know. Can't really trust my feelings anymore. Michael michael You know what, Michael? For what it's worth... I was wrong, too. I thought she was interested in you. Pam pam She suckered you too. Michael michael Mm-hmm. Pam pam Was it the cleavage? Michael michael Yeah, and the shoulder cutouts. Pam pam Yep. Michael michael Michael, you know, it's easy to get fooled. Bob's warehouse guys flirt with me all the time. It... it's mostly harmless. Usually I don't let it go too far. Phyllis phyllis You know, when I tore my scrote, I was, uh... I was seeing this really hot urologist about it, and thought she was into me. But now I think she was just doing a bunch of stuff to bill my HMO. You know, she's touching around down there. It's easy to get confused. Andy andy Michael, I think Donna left this here. Should I put it in the lost and found for 14 days and then I can take it home? Erin erin God. She left this here? Michael michael Yeah. Erin erin Okay. Maybe she wants me to return this to her at her work. Michael michael What? Jim jim No. All all Yeah. This could be a signal. People don't just take barrettes off. Michael michael It's not a signal. It's just a coincidence. No, it's not even a coincidence. It's just something that happened. Oscar oscar Michael... Pam pam [hold up barrette] Well... Michael michael She doesn't want you to return the barrette. She's not interested in you. Pam pam Yeah, I know. I know. Michael michael I'm sorry. Pam pam I know. You're right. Thank you. Thanks everybody. [waves, returns to his office, clears throat, turns around and runs out of office] Michael michael Michael! [sighs] Pam pam [runs down to parking lot, sighs] Michael michael [still in parking lot sitting in her car] Michael! Donna donna Oh. You're still here. I have your baguette. Michael michael Everyone, it is my pleasure to announce our newest member of the Sabre minority executive training program. Kelly Rajnigandha Kapoor. [clapping] All right. Gabe gabe They're going to be pretty pleased in Tallahassee that I snagged an Indian for the program. She'll be the first. The program's mostly black. It's almost too black. That didn't sound right. Gabe gabe [puts a bindi on Erin's forehead] And the best part is is that I get a business stipend to buy all new clothes. So you can totally buy any of my old clothes that I'm not gonna need anymore. Kelly kelly Oh, my God, thank you so much. I love that denim jumpsuit you have. How much? Erin erin Oh. Actually I was thinking about clothes that I was just gonna give to Goodwill anyway. Kelly kelly Great. Erin erin Hey, kiddo. Congratulations are in order. You deserve it. [Dwight extends his hand, but Kelly hugs him] Dwight dwight Thank you, Dwight. Kelly kelly Oh. Dwight dwight I'll never forget everything that you've done for me. Kelly kelly Gosh. He he. Dwight dwight Because I never forget anything. Kelly kelly Just once, I would like to be a puppet master and have nothing go wrong. Is that too much to ask? Dwight dwight You know what? Everybody told me that you weren't interested. Everybody. And I didn't believe 'em. And they were right. So... there's your barrette. Michael michael No, y-you were... right. Donna donna Who? Michael michael You were right. Donna donna About what? Michael michael You were right. [Michael leans into Donna's car to kiss her and they kiss passionately] I'm sorry. Donna donna No, no. No. Michael michael I'm sor... Donna donna No... [they kiss again] Michael michael [returns to office] What happened? Michael michael Kelly got into the minority training program. Erin erin Really?! Oh, that's great. That's such good news. I did it! [all look at him] I kissed. We kissed. Michael michael Ooh. Kevin kevin Oh, Michael. Phyllis phyllis No, I'm serious. It... this happened. I went down to the parking lot and I was... I returned her barrette [holds up barrette] We ki... We did. Okay. We did. We did. Michael michael You know what? It doesn't matter. Because I know it happened. And that is all that counts. [shouts] I did do it! Michael michael