Merry Christmas! [holds up dead goose and puts it on Pam's desk] Dwight dwight Merry Christ-[looks up] NO! Why... why did you bring that here? Pam pam Don't worry, she's dead. Oh wait. He's dead. Dwight dwight Dwight, what uh... Pam pam I accidentally ran over it. It's a Christmas miracle! Dwight dwight Well, get it out of here. Pam pam Relax, OK. And because this is Christmas, I am going to roast this goose and prepare it with a wild rice dressing. Do we have any cayenne pepper in the kitchen? Dwight dwight Merry Christmas Dwight. Jim jim Jim. Dwight dwight Wow. What have we got here? Jim jim What does it look like? Dwight dwight Dead goose. Jim jim And circle gets the square. Dwight dwight All right. Jim jim [to Pam] So can you watch this? I'm gonna get my carving knife out of the trunk. Dwight dwight Oh, Dwight, we talked about this. Toby toby No, Toby, this is different. He's already dead. Dwight dwight Once I brought in a duck. To prepare for lunch. And people got upset. Apparently, they got attached to the duck and didn't want to see it killed. Dwight dwight He was already dead. And we Schrutes use every part of the goose. The meat has a delicious, smoky, rich flavor. Plus you can use the molten goose grease and save it in the refrigerator, thus saving you a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease. Dwight dwight Wow. Win-Win. Jim jim Exactly. Thank you, Jim. Dwight dwight I like goose. If it's already dead is it so crazy we eat it? Phyllis phyllis That's crazy. It's crazy. Creed creed Dwight, you cannot keep that here. Toby toby Ok, that is ridiculous. And totally against the spirit of Christmas. Dwight dwight Come on Dwight. We went over this, like for a half an hour. Toby toby It's Christmas Toby. Dwight dwight It's a dead animal in an office. You can't... Toby toby Toby... Dwight dwight I'm sorry. Toby toby [sighs] Please? Please? Dwight dwight Clean it in your car. Toby toby I would like it off my desk. Pam pam Oh Pam. Take a chill pill. Dwight dwight [Riding a bicycle down the hallway and singing] Deck the halls with boughs of holly. Fa la la la la la la la la. [Struggling to stay on] 'Tis the ... ack. [expletive] Hey! [to Pam] I would like a nice slice of Christmas Pam. Side of candied Pams. And perhaps, some Pam-chops, with mint... Michael michael Can I help you, Michael? Pam pam I'm looking for the toy drive box. Michael michael It's behind you. Pam pam OK... Well, I need to put this bike in there. I hope it'll fit, with all these little knickknacks. Michael michael Wow. What kind of bike is that? Jim jim Umm... I don't know? Average kind? Michael michael The tires look pretty worn. Kevin kevin Well, that is probably from the test drive. Michael michael But the paint's chipping. Is that your old bike, Michael? Jim jim No. Michael michael Yo, Michael, sweet ride Mike. Andy andy Oh, thanks. [Michael and Andy do a fist bump and explosion.] Michael michael Michael? Pam pam Yes? [Pam holds up a bag] Oh Pam, that is so sweet. You didn't have to do that. Michael michael [hands over bag] I didn't, it's from corporate. Pam pam OK. Did everybody get one of these? Michael michael Yup. Pam pam Terrific. Good. Michael michael This is going to be the best Christmas ever. My girlfriend Carol is coming to our party tonight, and I have a little surprise for her. [singing] I've got two tickets to paradise! Pack your bags, we're leaving the day-after-tomorrow! Um, taking her to Sandals, Jamaica, all-inclusive. All-inclusive. You know what that means? Right? Yeah. Michael michael [Creed takes toy from toy drive box.] Oh, I think you're supposed to put a toy in the box, Creed. Jim jim And a happy holiday to you. Creed creed [Carol walks through door looking upset] [waves] Carol. Jim jim Hi, is Michael around here? Carrol carrol There she is. A Christmas Carol. Hello [kisses Carol] You're about five hours early to the party. You're such a blonde. [laughs] Michael michael Michael. Carrol carrol Hey, everybody. I don't know who you haven't met yet, but I think this is one of them. This is my girlfriend - Carol. This is just the front of her. Show 'em, show 'em the other side. Michael michael [whispers] What? Carrol carrol Turn around, turn around. Come on. [making a body turning gesture] Michael michael Get outta here. Carrol carrol No, you get outta here. Michael michael Michael Andy andy Yes. Michael michael If I may say. She's even prettier that you described her. Andy andy [standing up] Oh, ouch. Michael, I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you described her. Dwight dwight Thank you. Michael michael I really need a moment alone with you. [Carol heads towards Michael's office.] Carrol carrol Not as much as I need a moment alone with you. [puts finger on her back and reaches for her butt] Berp. Michael michael What is this? [Holds up a Christmas photo] Carrol carrol That is my Christmas card. It's a picture of you and me and your kids on a ski trip, having a blast. Ski-sons Greetings. Michael michael No. See, we never went on a ski trip. Carrol carrol I know. Michael michael I went on a ski trip. Carrol carrol Right. Michael michael Two years ago with my kids and my ex-husband. Carrol carrol Yes, but what you didn't realize at the time was that I was with you in a sense. I was in your heart... Michael michael Michael. Carrol carrol And next to your kids. What? Michael michael This is so weird. Carrol carrol I don't understand? Michael michael It's a bold move, to Photoshop yourself into a picture with your girlfriend and her kids on a ski trip with their real father. But then again, Michael's a bold guy. [Towards unseen cameraman] Is bold the right word? Jim jim I think you're a really sweet guy. Carrol carrol OK Michael michael But, um, I don't know how to deal with, with this thing [waves Christmas card]. And, and the proposal. And I don't think things are going to work out with us. Carrol carrol No, no no no Ok, OK, You know what, you're not thinking straight. You know what you need? You need to think this through in [making drum noise] Jamaica's largest fresh water pool. Michael michael What are you talking about? Carrol carrol I got us tickets to Sandals, Jamaica, We leave day after tomorrow. [Carol shakes head in disappointment]. You better find the skimpiest bikini there is. Michael michael Oh, no. Michael. Carrol carrol And it's all inclusive. Michael michael Michael... Carrol carrol Yes. Michael michael I'm sorry. Carrol carrol No, Carol. You walk out that door and it is over. Michael michael I know. [Closes door.] Carrol carrol Psst. Jim. [Jim turns around. Pam nods head towards her for him to come over] Um, hey. I need to give you your Christmas gift now because, well, I'll just tell you. Pam pam What? Jim jim For the past few months I've been sending Dwight letters from the CIA. [hands a folder to Jim] Pam pam Are you serious? Jim jim They're considering him for a top secret mission. There's his application. Oh, and this is where I made him list every secret he promised he'd never ever tell. Pam pam [Opens folder and reads from Dwight's file] Last year, my boss, Michael Scott, took a day off because he said he had pneumonia, but really, he was leaving early to go to magic camp. Wow. Jim jim So... here's the gift. You get to decide what his top secret mission is. [Jim smiles] Sorry I didn't wrap it. Pam pam [closes folder] You know what? Uh, I really don't think I should be doing this stuff anymore, you know? Jim jim Oh. Pam pam No, because of the promotion. Jim jim Oh yeah. Pam pam It just feels a little bit, like... Jim jim No, I get it, of course. OK. [holds out hand for folder. Jim gives Pam back the folder.] Pam pam I feel like there's a chance for me to start over. And if I fall back into the same kind of things I used to do., then ... what am I doing? Jim jim I'd like everybody's attention. Christmas is canceled. Michael michael You can't cancel a holiday. Stanley stanley Keep it up Stanley and you will lose New Year's. Michael michael What does that mean? Stanley stanley Jim, take New Year's away from Stanley. Michael michael Michael, what's going on? Pam pam Carol and I split up. Amicably. And I just don't think it would be appropriate to celebrate under the circumstances. Michael michael Will they still air 'Rudolph?' Jim jim That's not fair. Kevin kevin [over everybody else's talking] Are we gonna cancel Hanukah as well? Dwight dwight Fine! [everybody stops talking] Have your party. Just no guests. Michael michael But we invited guests. Phyllis phyllis Well, you know what Phyllis? All of your guests would have probably canceled at the last minute anyway, leaving your life a stupid rotten mess. Michael michael Oh, oh, oh, oh, it hurts. Michael michael I know. Pam pam It hurts my heart. It hurts my stomach. It hurts my arms. Michael michael OK, well, why are you laying like that? Pam pam [moves a little] Thanks. How did you push away the bad thoughts? Michael michael Like what? Pam pam Like maybe, the real reason they left was because there were things they wanted you to do in bed, that were, foreign, and scary? Michael michael Well.. um I, I don't... Pam pam And not that you didn't want to try them. Some wine may have helped. Do you know what I'm referring to? Michael michael I don't need to know. Pam pam Michael. Sorry to interrupt. Uh, It appears we're one bathrobe short. Dwight dwight Take it from Toby. Michael michael Copy. Dwight dwight Hey, would you like to go to Sandals, Jamaica with me? Michael michael No, thank you. Pam pam It's all... [Pam walks away.] OK. Michael michael Hey Dwight. Pretty nice robe- [Dwight grabs bag with robe in it and walks away.] Why? Toby toby Phyllis, I need you to pick up green streamers at lunch. Angela angela I thought you said green was whorish. Phyllis phyllis No, orange is whorish. Angela angela Uh, so I had a couple of ideas to make the Stamford people feel more at home. Each year we have a Christmas raffle ... [Phyllis and Pam nod their heads in agreement]. Karen karen It would never work here. Angela angela Ok ... um, another idea was karaoke ... Karen karen No. Angela angela A Christmas drinking game ... Karen karen Yes. Meredith meredith God help you. Angela angela What? Karen karen These are all terrible ideas and none of them are on the theme of "A Nutcracker Christmas." I think you should leave. Angela angela You're kidding. Karen karen You tried this out, and it's clearly not for you. It's time to go. Come on. [Angela gets up from seat] Please. [Karen gets up and leaves] Thank you. OK, thank you very much. [Angela closes door] Angela angela What are you doing? ["Goodbye My Lover" by James Blunt plays] Michael michael [putting things into a box] We are getting rid of everything that reminds you of Carol. Dwight dwight Hey, what's the haps? [Dwight shuts door in his face.] Andy andy Carol? Michael michael Oh, look at this. [looks through papers] Your old condo closing papers. It's riddled with Carol's name. I wish I could throw this in the box. [Michael hits repeat to "Goodbye My Lover" on computer] Dwight dwight Why don't you just buy the whole song? Dwight dwight I don't have to buy it. I just want to taste it. I just... I just want a little taste of it. Michael michael Oh, look at this, she saved you two thousand dollars 'cause they failed to report a mold problem. [Continues to sift through papers] But wouldn't that affect the final... How did she? Oh, oh, I see what she did. That is good. Wow. Carol is one smart cookie. Dwight dwight [singing] Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. [hits repeat again] Michael michael This is an old adage, but they say when you find true love, you know within the first 24 hours. With Carol, I knew within the first 24 minutes of the second day I met her. Michael michael I feel like I've been kinda cold to Karen and there's no real reason for it. I mean it's not like she's ever done anything to me. So, I think I probably shouldn't be cold to her. Pam pam Hey, Karen. Sorry about that meeting today, that was really crazy. Pam pam Yeah, right? I'm so glad you said that. Because, I don't know how those meetings usually go. Karen karen Um, usually like that. Pam pam Does anyone ever stand up to Angela or..? Karen karen I think one of her cats did once. She came in with scratches all over her face. [both laugh] Pam pam Right. Karen karen Um, I really liked your karaoke idea. Pam pam Oh cool, yeah. Karen karen That could really be fun. Pam pam Oh, thank you. Karen karen You guys do a raffle? Pam pam Yeah, we do a raffle... Karen karen Hey Kev. Toby toby Hey. [Toby puts hand on Kevin's back, who is wearing the robe and feels it a little bit.] Kevin kevin This should've been up yesterday. [refers to party flyer] Angela angela It'll be all right. Phyllis phyllis [Pam puts up another flyer] What is that? [Reads flyer] The "Committee to Plan Parties invites you to a margarita-karaoke Christmas?" There's no such thing as the "Committee to Plan Parties." Angela angela There is now. We just started it. Pam pam Well, you just can't start a committee. You have to have funding. Angela angela What's your funding? Karen karen Two hundred dollars. Angela angela What's ours again? Pam pam Umm, two hundred and one dollars. Karen karen Oh right. Pam pam [pointing] Hey, a margarita-karaoke Christmas party, that sounds like fun. Kelly kelly No, that is not a party. There's only one party and it's hosted by the Party PLANNING Committee and it starts at three o'clock. Angela angela Then why are there two flyers? Kevin kevin Oh, I understand that this is confusing for everyone, let me explain. There's a party that starts at three. Karen karen Right. Kevin kevin And then there's a way more fun party that starts at two forty-five. Karen karen Right, and if you're interested in the way more fun party, all the info can be found here on our more brightly colored flyer. [Angela rips down brightly colored flyer and walks away. Karen rips down Angela's flyer.] Pam pam I didn't see where it was. Kevin kevin Yup, looks like the Scranton people and the Stamford people are finally coming together. And that's what you want, right? Jim jim I think that's a really good option... Karen karen Pam and Karen. I am ordering you to cease and desist all party planning. Immediately. Dwight dwight You can't do that. Pam pam As ranking number three in this office, I am order - Dwight dwight Umm... I'm number three. Andy andy You're number four. Dwight dwight Yeah, but I'm number three. Andy andy Ah, no. [to Pam and Karen] You must turn over to me all Christmas decorations and party paraphernalia immediately that will be returned to you on January fourth. Dwight dwight OK, I think I can help here. Jim jim Ok, good Dwight dwight As ranking number two, I am starting a committee to determine the validity of the two committees and I am the sole member. The committee will act on this now. Jim jim OK, this is stupid. Dwight dwight Could you please keep it down? [interrupted Dwight] I'm in session. I've determined that this committee is valid. [Pam and Karen cheer.] Jim jim No no, no, wait, wait, wait [raises hand] Permission to join the Validity Committee. Dwight dwight Permission denied. Jim jim Damn it! Dwight dwight Hey. I can't concentrate when I know you're in pain, man. Let me take you to lunch. [Michael sighs.] C'mon, my treat. Andy andy All right. Nothing here to distract myself with anyway. Michael michael That's my boy. I know the perfect place, too. Andy andy Hooters? Michael michael No. Benihana. Much classier. But don't worry, the babes are totally hot, too. [do a fist bump and explosion] Andy andy Ah, I need my entourage [both exit Michael's office] Jim. Dwight. Ryan. C'mon, we're going to Asian Hooters. Michael michael Ah man, I can't. Ryan ryan Why not? Michael michael I'm not feeling so well. I've got a ton of work to do here. MSG allergy, peanut allergy, I just ate there last night. [Michael feels Ryan's forehead] Ryan ryan Ok, feel better. Michael michael Thanks. Ryan ryan C'mon Jim, let's go. Michael michael OK. [to Ryan] Wow, thanks for taking all the excuses, dude. Jim jim Doctor appointment, car trouble, plantar warts, granddad fought in World War II. Use your head, man. I keep mine in here. [Holds up blackberry.] Look alive, Halpert. Welcome back. Ryan ryan Bros before hos. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho and you told her she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hos in the world. And then ... and then suddenly she's not yo' ho no mo'. Michael michael So she looks really hot, so I said, "You look hotter than usual today." [to waitress] Thank you. Michael [gesturing to sit down.] Head of the table. Andy andy Get out Jim. [Dwight tries to sit between Andy and Jim] Actually, um... [to two other people at the table] Sir, I'm going to need take this chair. Dwight dwight Dwight, just, just leave them alone please. They're on a date. They look very happy. Michael michael So she looks at me right, and she goes, "I'm sorry, don't I even know you?" After a year, a year of buying lattes from her, do you believe that? Andy andy Yes. Jim jim I can't... I can't here what you're saying. Dwight dwight Carol used to drink lattes. Michael michael [off screen at other end of table] What're you talking about? Dwight dwight She would get this little foam mustache... Michael michael [still off screen] Carol had a mustache? Dwight dwight And I used to say "Hey, got latte?" And she'd say, that's not funny. Michael michael [off screen] What are you guys talking about? Dwight dwight She totally got me. She understood that we didn't have to laugh to enjoy -- Michael michael Michael! Repeat what you said louder! Dwight dwight It is my job to be there for Michael. How can I be there for Michael if I'm here for Michael? [food is thrown at Dwight's face] Dwight dwight I'm already starting to forget what color eyes she had. I can't, OK, I'm gonna call her. I am gonna call and find out... Michael michael No. Andy andy Who are you calling? Dwight dwight I'm just gonna call her. Michael michael Put that away. Put that away. S.O.S. We... I... May day. Haha. Man down over here, [to waitress] we need your help. Andy andy What can I get for 'ya? Waitress waitress I think we'll start with a round of noga-sakes. [waitress gives confused look] Andy andy One part eggnog, three parts sake. Some places won't make it for you though, because eggnog is seasonal. Andy andy You should, you should put out salt for the rims [referring to margaritas] Phyllis phyllis That's a great idea. Pam pam Phyllis? Angela angela I was just getting a snack. Phyllis phyllis You can have your snack in here. Pam pam Pam, don't tell her what to do! Phyllis. Angela angela OK. Phyllis phyllis I think I'll go to Angela's party, because that's the party I know. Kevin kevin I miss the days when there was only one party I didn't want to go to. Ryan ryan So I only use three? Roy roy If you're using more than three pieces of tape to wrap a present, you're doing it wrong. Pam pam OK. And where to do you get all those cool bows? Roy roy Oh, I just get those at any party supply place. Pam pam OK. Are you sure I can't use like, the cartoons from the newspaper? Roy roy Oh yeah, your mom would love that. Pam pam [Karen walks in] Hey. All right, I'll see you guys later. [leaves room] Roy roy Bye. Pam pam He's cute. You should date him. Karen karen Oh, yeah... Maybe. Pam pam Looks like you've got a little Nakiri knife action going there. Dwight dwight No, it's Usuba. Chef chef Yeah, I bet you wish you had a Nakiri, though. Dwight dwight Actually, the Usuba's the better knife when you're working with this quantity. Chef chef Nah, I don't know... Still think Nakiri's better. Dwight dwight I think he'd know. [Dwight and her stare at each other] Woman at Bar woman-at-bar Nothing he's doing is cheering me up. Michael michael Wait for the onion. Trust me. Hey Cindy, he just had his heart broken, you wouldn't do that to him, would you? Andy andy I don't know. Cindy cindy Oh, sure you would. Look at you, I bet you break up with a guy every hour. [Cindy laughs and walks away] Michael michael You made her laugh. Yes! She totally digs us. [referring to what chef is doing] Watch, watch, watch, watch. [Onions smoke up] Heh, heh? What did I tell 'ya? Andy andy You're right. That's good. Michael michael Hello everyone. We would just like to announce that our party is starting now in the break room. So... you can come by... . Pam pam I have a very important announcement to make... about... your paychecks. Umm... Your paychecks will be arriving as scheduled on Friday. And they will be in the correct amount that they are normally in... Please stand by for a very important announcement... refer..[starts to leave office] for further regarding your paycheck! [runs outside] Angela angela [on cell phone to Dwight] I need to know if I can start the party? Angela angela Michael! Hey! Over here, Michael! [waves down Michael with a napkin and whistles to get attention] Dwight dwight This drink... [in audible conversation with Michael] Andy andy I don't know. No one can hear me. You know what? Start the party. Michael michael Did Michael give you permission to do this? Angela angela [with conviction] Start the party. Dwight dwight [Angela slams phone shut and runs back to office.] Also, I would like to inform you that, um, as a special treat, my party will be starting early. In fact, it will be starting right now [opens door to conference room.] Angela angela Our party is also starting now [opens door to break room.] Pam pam Yup. Karen karen [Stanley gets up and walks towards the break room.] All right Stanley. Woo. Karen karen Good choice. [Kelly drags Ryan to the break room.] Pam pam Welcome Hannah. You will not be disappointed. Angela angela Why would I be disappointed? Hannah hannah I said you wouldn't be disappointed. [Meredith heads towards break room.] Angela angela Meredith, if you don't come to my party, you will be very, very sorry. Angela angela Is that a threat? Meredith meredith No, it's an invitation. Angela angela We have vodka! Pam pam Lots of it! [Meredith leaves to break room party.] Karen karen I hear Angela's party will have double-fudge brownies. It will also have Angela. Double fudge... Angela... double fudge... Angela [puts out hands to weigh his options] Hmmm... Kevin kevin Brownies. Cupcakes. [Kevin walks toward conference room] Angela angela Don't push it. Kevin kevin Are we taking this too far? You know what, I don't think we're taking this far enough. [Pam and Karen look at each other] What? Karen karen I got goose bumps. Pam pam I don't back down. My sister and I used to be best friends, and we haven't talked in 16 years. Over some disagreement, I don't even remember. So... yeah. I'm pretty good. Angela angela Ahh, damn this chicken is good. My compliments to the chef. [points to chef] Which is you! Right? Hahahaha. Awesome! I need some meat. I want some steak. [leans over to neighboring man's plate] I see steak. Michael michael Excuse me. Man man Excuse me [tries to take away meat with chopsticks] Ah, un guard. [Fights with chopsticks and laughs] Family style. Michael michael No, it's not. Jim jim Cindy, Cindy. Andy andy I don't think... I love it! Michael michael I want you to close your eyes and imagine your dream house. [Cindy laughs] C'mon, do it for Michael. He's had a really long day. Andy andy [laughing] I don't know what he's doing. Michael michael This is great. Andy andy Jim! Jim! What... What's happening? Dwight dwight Oh, [points to Cindy] she's asleep. Jim jim Oh... Narcolepsy. Dwight dwight Probably. Jim jim Now open your eyes and describe it to me. Andy andy I... don't know, it has four bed rooms and a loft... Cindy cindy Oh my gosh, now she's up. Dwight dwight And she's trying to correctly butcher a goose, but she's having trouble coming up with it. Jim jim Oh, OK. Cindy! Yo, Cindy! Cindy! Hold its neck back and insert the knife below the jaw. Bring it all the way around, there's going to be a good amount of blood. [Cindy looks confused. Woman next to Dwight is disgusted] Don't let it bother you. Have a bucket there, for the blood... and the innards... and the feathers. Dwight dwight Oh no, this is different. The CIA thing, that was a prank on Dwight. This is more like a umm... OK, it's pretty much the same thing. Jim jim What d'ya think? [to Stanley about his drink] Kelly kelly Fruity and delicious. Stanley stanley See, I told you. You want one Meredith? Kelly kelly No thanks. They're too sweet. Meredith meredith Hey, so what's the status. Karen karen Looks like they forgot the power cord. Ryan ryan What? Pam pam Oh, you're kidding me? Karen karen No. Ryan ryan Oh, you guys, guys, um... I'm sorry, but there's a problem with the karaoke machine. [everyone sighs] Karen karen Well that blows. Kelly kelly Hang on little ladies. You don't need this thing, I'll go grab my synthesizer. [Everyone cheers] Darryl darryl Darryl! Darryl! Darryl! [Darryl exits break room and passes Phyllis] Everybody everybody Hi. Phyllis phyllis Hey. Hey, look, when you get done with your... [looks inside conference room] meeting, you should, uh, come to the break room. We're having a party. Darryl darryl Oh, ok. Phyllis phyllis All right. Se you later... Darryl darryl [tries to break nut on a Nutcracker doll] These nuts are really hard to crack. Hannah hannah Try harder then. [Hannah smashes Nutcracker on top of nut. Sees Kevin take another brownie] Uh uh. No one has seconds until everyone's had some. Angela angela You've got to be kidding! Kevin kevin You've got to be kidding. {Kevin takes bite of brownie] Angela angela Cold, huh? Phyllis phyllis Huh? [puts on jacket] Ryan ryan Maybe that'll help. Is it cold in there? Phyllis phyllis [referring to waitresses] They have been checking us out, all night! I am not kidding! Andy andy You know what we should do? Michael michael What? Andy andy We should invite them to the Christmas party. Michael michael Now, you are thinking. Yes. And you know what? Because you have had such a rough day, you get Cindy. Andy andy Oh, you are such mench my friend. [They stand up and do fist bump and explosion] Michael michael OK, where is everybody? I would like them to meet my new girlfriend. [Guys walk in with two different waitresses from Benihana's] Michael michael I'm sure they'll want to meet her, too. Jim jim The least I could do was give some poor sick kid a bike. Michael michael That rocks. Second Cindy second-cindy Nah, you rock. Tell you what, if you want it, it's yours. Michael michael Thanks! I, I wanna give you something. Second Cindy second-cindy Oh. [She whispers in his ear. Michael starts to laugh] That's what she said. Michael michael Hello? I would like everybody to meet my new girlfriend. Michael michael My new girlfriend. Andy andy Where's Dwight? Angela angela Is he the hot one or the giant baby? Second Cindy second-cindy [whispers] The giant baby. Wow, I am so sorry, I had no idea this party would be so lame. Michael michael [under her breath] There's another party in the break room. Phyllis phyllis Oh, party in the break room! Let's go, let's go! Thank God! Let's go to the break room. Michael michael Hey, excuse me! Waitress lady! Hey, where do you think you're going with that? [refers to toy she just took from table] Angela angela I thought I could have it. Second Cindy second-cindy You can't have it [takes back toy] I don't walk into your house and steal your Hello Kitty backpack. Angela angela Shhh... Shut it! C'mon! Party. Michael michael Hey! It's Angela! [Angela slams door shut, but not before Kevin sneaks out] Hey! Dwight dwight We're going to ... Michael michael [singing] I want you to know. That I'm happy for you. I wish nothing but... Kevin kevin I just think there are two, two specific kinds of people in the world. People who own houses and people who own condos. [turns to reach for pretzel while Second Cindy turns other direction] And... my question to you [points and pulls away other waitress] is do you agree? Michael michael Do I agree about what? Other Waitress other-waitress Do you agree about what? [laughs] Wow. You're lucky you're so darn cute. Michael michael What're you talking about? Other Waitress other-waitress What're you talking about? Michael michael [singing] And I'm here to remind you of the mess you left when you went away. It's not fair, to deny me of the cross I bear that you give to me. You, you, you, you, you, you, you oughta know ta know. Kevin kevin All right [high fives Kevin] Jim jim Did you have fun at Benihana's? Angela angela No. It was awful. I couldn't hear anything. [cheers from other party] Dwight dwight I've had the worse day here [turns up Nutcracker music on the stereo. [Sighs. Dwight reaches for and holds Angela's hand] Angela angela [Karen and Pam enter] Dwight, you won the raffle! [holds out gift] Karen karen No... way! Yeah! Dwight dwight Open it! Open it ! Open it! [Dwight rips open present. Angela is upset and Pam notices] Karen karen Oh. Dwight dwight Do you like it? Karen karen Walkie-talkies. Dwight dwight Can I talk to you a second? Pam pam Yes! Dwight dwight Well the Committee to Plan Parties has served its purpose. We're gonna disband. In the name of Christmas. Karen karen [holds up rice krispie shaped like a star] In the name of Nutcracker Christmas. Pam pam Angela, we've been hearing really great thing about uh... your brownies and we were hoping you'd consider merging into two parties. Karen karen I'm not sure. Does your karaoke machine have Christmas songs? Angela angela Yeah, but we don't have a power cord. Pam pam Oh, I may have seen it somewhere. [Goes to plant and picks up power cord] Is it this one? Angela angela Mmm. Hmm. Pam pam Yeah, thanks. Karen karen We'll go tell everyone. Pam pam OK. Karen karen [singing] And if you want love, we'll make it. Swim in a big sea of blankets. Take all your big plans and break 'em. This is bound to take awhile. Your body is a wonderland. [Michael notices Cindy ride up to him on the bike and looks confused] Your body is a wonderland. Andy and Michael andy michael Your hands. Andy andy Your body is a wonderland. Both both I'll use my hands on it. Andy andy Something 'bout the way your hair falls in your face... Both both [singing] Whatever we deny or embrace. For worse or for better. We belong, we belong, we belong together... Ryan... Kelly kelly When you know, you just know. Michael michael Right. Kevin kevin Check her out. My little gal over there. Babe-alectable. Michael michael Which one is she? [Michael stares at both waitresses] Roy roy It's... it's one of those two. [points at both] Michael michael You don't know? Roy roy Dude, you should know. Kevin kevin Yeah... well, it's been hard, they're wearing the exact same uniform. And I've been drinking. And you know how all waitresses look alike. Michael michael I honestly don't see what the big deal is. Stevie Wonder is married. Are you going to tell me that Stevie Wonder doesn't love his wife just because he's not sure what she looks like? Michael michael Hey. Where's my girl? Is she in the fridge? Where is she hiding? I don't know where she is. 'Cause I'm drunk, I can't even find her. Michael michael You know where I am. Second Cindy second-cindy Haha, I do! I just haven't hugged you in awhile [marks Cindy's arm with a black marker] Michael michael Oh. Second Cindy second-cindy Oh, good. That felt good. Let's go. Party. Michael michael [singing] Spinnin' n reelin with love. Give it the time, I might come back down. But it feels so good. My feet don't touch the ground. Wha..wha..wild. Wha..wha..wild. Well everybody knows, I'm crazy about 'ya... Creed creed [into walkie-talkie] Monkey, this is Possum. Do you copy? Dwight dwight [into another walkie-talkie] Copy, Possum. What's your twenty? Angela angela No way. [both hold up Bridget Jones' Diary movie DVD] Karen karen What a horrible, horrible movie that was. Jim jim And now we get to remember it forever. Karen karen Thank you. Jim jim Thank you. [Both hug] Karen karen Hey. Second Cindy second-cindy Hey, hey, you. How are ya? Michael michael Hey. This party blows, so we're gonna leave. Second Cindy second-cindy No, no, no. Hey, you should stay because we are having fun and... Michael michael Cool... Second Cindy second-cindy Where do you wanna go? Michael michael I... We're just gonna take off. Second Cindy second-cindy I... you know what? I, OK, listen. I like you. I really like you. So much in fact, that I would like you to accompany me on a trip to Sandals, Jamaica. Michael michael No... I have school. [leaves with other waitress and bicycle] Second Cindy second-cindy You want help? OK... Merry Christmas. Michael michael Merry Christmas. Second Cindy second-cindy [singing] Lady, from the moment I saw you standing all alone. You gave all the love that I needed... Dwight dwight That waitress was the one. Michael michael No. She wasn't. Jim jim How can you be sure? Michael michael Well, for starters, I've known you as a couple since the beginning of the relationship, which was approximately [looks a watch] three hours ago. Jim jim Don't make fun... You're making fun of me. Michael michael Sorry. Jim jim I guess, I didn't know her very well. I marked her arm. Michael michael You what? Jim jim I, I put a mark on her arm. [Both are laughing] So I could tell them apart. I don't... I know, I know. I can't believe I gave her my bike! Michael michael Yeah. Jim jim Oh, why do I feel like crap? Michael michael You just had a rebound. Jim jim I had rebound? Yeah. Michael michael Yeah. Which, don't get me wrong, can be a really fun distraction, but, when it's over, you're left thinking about the girl you really like, the one that broke your heart. Jim jim I totally rebounded. Someone else shoots and I take the ball and I score. Well, I guess I didn't score and I'm not sure who's actually shooting, but, whatever. Doesn't matter. It's all good. Or as my ex might say. Domo arigato, Mr. Scott-o. Michael michael [singing, with Dwight holding up microphone] Little baby, parum pum pum pum. I am a poor boy too, parum pum pum pum. I have no gift to bring, parum pum pum pum. That's fit to give our King, parum pum pum pum.. Angela angela [on phone] Yes, I just wanted to see if, uh you would like to come to Jamaica with me. There's this resort called Sandals. Really? OK. All right. I promise you won't be disappointed. Umm, It's all-inclusive... Michael michael [singing] ... Shall I play for you, parum pum pum pum [Oscar and Gil walk through door] Angela angela Too soon. [both turn back around and walk out] Oscar oscar [singing] I played my drum for Him, parum pum pum pum. I played my best for Him, parum pum pum pum, Rum pum pum pum, rum pum pum pum. Angela angela [singing along] pum pum pum pum pum pum pum Dwight dwight Bye Pam. Dwight dwight Night. Pam pam [to Pam] Oh, you know what? Sorry, forgot to tell you. I intercepted a transmission earlier and it seems that the CIA is gonna need Dwight down at their headquarters in Langley for training and an ice cream social with the other agents. Jim jim We should get him a bus ticket. [types on computer] To make his trip easier. Pam pam Oh no, that would be great. Jim jim It costs seventy five dollars. Pam pam Hmm... Well, maybe the CIA can send a helicopter? Jim jim Ohh... [laughs] Pam pam [Cell phone beeps] What the? [Reading text message] "You have been compromised. Abort mission. Destroy phone." Destroy phone? [Dwight throws phone off of the roof and walks away] Dwight dwight William Randolph Shakespeare once wrote in one of his plays, and I'm paraphrasing here, "Love doth be poison." Brilliant. And a lot of people don't give Shakespeare enough credit. They think it was somebody else. A-holes. Michael michael When Michael suggested canceling Christmas, I was outraged, not on my behalf, but on behalf of baby Jesus. I mean, would he cancel Christmas because he got dumped or he was two weeks behind on his party planning, on top of the fact that his cats were ill? I think not. I think baby Jesus would suck it up and plan his party. Angela angela We didn't have a party planning committee in Stamford. Somebody would just volunteer to run out to Carvel and pick up an ice cream cake. So the fact that they have a committee here, fascinating. Karen karen This is ridiculous. I... I've spent so much time, like I always do. And for that little trollop to come in here and throw her own party... Are you even listening to me? Angela angela Angela, what do you want me to do? Toby toby I want you to tell her to stop, Toby. Am I being clear? Angela angela [sighing] Look, it's a free country. If she wants to throw a party... Toby toby What are you...? Angela angela ...using her own money... Toby toby And what... Angela angela ...then she should be allowed to. Toby toby No she shouldn't. Angela angela The more the merrier. Toby toby [Angela slaps Toby on the face.] Stop it. Angela angela Oww. Toby toby I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention to hurt you, but I want to wake you up to the injustice that's going on right in front of your face. Angela angela That really hurt. I'm writing you up. [Angela makes an angry face] Hey, you are not allowed to touch other employees. Am I being clear? Toby toby Michael was so right about you. You are pathetic. Angela angela I don't care which party I go to. Once you've danced naked at a hash bonfire with the spirits of the dead, all parties seem pretty much the same. Creed creed I think I'll go to Angela's party, because that's the party I know. Kevin kevin Where would you like the Rice Krispy Treat stars? Phyllis phyllis They're Sugarplum fairy wands. Angela angela Sugarplum fairy wands. Phyllis phyllis It's like you weren't even at the meeting. Angela angela I'm going to the party in the break room, because they have more chairs in there. If I have to stand around a long time, I get real unpleasant to be around. Stanley stanley [Phyllis puts down phone] Hmm hmm. [Phyllis gets up and goes to Angela's party] Angela angela No, no, no, no. You know what, I better hold off. I wanna make sure I don't dial Carol before I get drunk. Michael michael So, really, you're just calling her? Jim jim Yeah. You know what? I am. I'm gonna call her. That's a good idea. Michael michael [from across the table] Where's Michael going? Michael? Is he sick? Is he choking? Dwight dwight [on [phone] No, I don't think I'm asking too much. I think it's only fair that you tell me exactly what I did wrong. Okay. Uh huh. Well that... yeah. Uh huh. All right. Well, could you tell me something that I did right? Michael michael [knocks on office wall] Hey. Ryan ryan Hello, Ryan. Kelly kelly Merry Christmas. [hands over a gift] Ryan ryan Oh, thank you. Do you always get presents for your ex-girlfriends? Kelly kelly Okay, we're never technically... um is there.. Is there a problem? Ryan ryan Well, I didn't get you anything, because you have treated me inconsiderately, and I'm not gonna stand for that anymore. Kelly kelly Um That's... That's fair. I'm sorry. Merry Christmas. [Ryan starts walking away.] Ryan ryan [runnning after him] Wait, Ryan, you're not mean. You're adorable. I'm so sorry. I got you a present, too. But then when I got to work, I didn't see anything on my desk from you, so I threw it away. And then Asuncion took the trash out, that's why I think it's in the dumpster. I'm so sorry. I'm the worst. [Kelly hugs Ryan] Kelly kelly There's no fizz in this punch. Phyllis! Angela angela I'll just go get a ginger ale. Phyllis phyllis No, I've got it, Phyllis. Stay. Have fun. Eat your wand. Angela angela [talking to Kelly in dumpster] Hey, Kelly, you know what? Throw my gift away, too. Ryan ryan [from inside dumpster] No, you paid money for that CD. Kelly kelly I'm serious. It'll show that we don't care about material things. Ryan ryan I don't understand. Kelly kelly Kelly, I'm so cold! Ryan ryan [starts to cry] You don't have to scream at me. Kelly kelly Are you having fun in this relationship? Ryan ryan Sometimes. Kelly kelly I don't know Kelly, sometimes I look at us and I think... Ryan ryan [crying] Don't dump me while I'm in the dumpster. Just go back inside if you're so cold. I'll just stay in the dumpster. [Ryan smirks] Kelly kelly [both inside dumpster] Did you look over here? Ryan ryan Who's eating all these apples? Kelly kelly Kelly. Ryan ryan And what are these? Are... Why are there egg yolks in here? Aren't you supposed to eat the yolks? Kelly kelly Michael was on an egg-yolk diet. He's so weird. Ryan ryan Do you think I should diet? Kelly kelly No, you're perfect. [Kelly gasps] What? Did you find it? Ryan ryan No, I'm scared. Kelly kelly All of a sudden? Ryan ryan Uh huh. Hold me. Kelly kelly Oh, honey, here's Stanley. Michael michael Hi. Second Cindy second-cindy He is also in an interracial relationship, so, you know, if you have any problems, you can always call him. Michael michael Oh, you're gonna face far greater problems than I can possibly help you with. Stanley stanley Sounds good. Okay, let's go. Michael michael