Oh ho! Look who's back reporting for duty. Jim jim Hey guys! Pam pam Hey. All all [laughing] Hi. Pam pam Pam! Ahh! Look what I can do now that she's no longer pregnant. [pretends to punch Pam in the stomach] Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! Andy andy Are you glad to be back? Phyllis phyllis Yeah. Yeah, I mean I could have used another week, or three. Pam pam You still had eight weeks more than we did. Stanley stanley [laughing] Well, it's not exactly a vacation. Pam pam Hello everyone! Remember little old me. Hi! Angela angela What are you doing here? You just had our baby. Our collective Dunder Mifflin...family baby. Four days ago. Dwight dwight I wanted to come back to work. Not everybody needs some long luxurious Parisian maternity leave. [removes coat] Angela angela What?! Pam pam Damn girl! Your body! Kelly kelly Angela, you look amazing. Oscar oscar Really? I feel like this big rhinoceros. Anyway, I wanted to thank you guys for covering for me so I made some treats. I've got brownies and magic cookie bars. Angela angela [murmurs of delight as people shuffle toward the treats] Group group Oh Angela, those brownies have walnuts in them and I think Kevin's allergic to walnuts. You're allergic to walnuts, right Kevin? Pam pam Extremely, but I'm gonna fight through it. Kevin kevin Aw. It's OK Angela. I have mommy brain too. Pam pam I don't know what that is, Pam. I made a batch with no nuts, special for you Kevin, right here. Angela angela When did you find time to do all this? Pam pam Babies sleep a lot Pam, if you feed them enough. Brownie Pam? Angela angela Thank you. [takes bite] Oh my gosh. It's really good. Pam pam I wouldn't know, I'm watching my weight. Ugh. Angela angela So you guys, you know what's an even more useful treat...is cash. So- Pam pam Nope. It's over. Jim jim ...we wanted to say thank you- Pam pam Nope. OK. Jim jim Dwight, I have exciting news for you. Andy andy What? Dwight dwight I think you're going to like it. Andy andy You can't tantalize me. Dwight dwight Oooh, maybe I can. [slowly] I got an email... from corporate....that told me that... Andy andy OK. [looks at watch and leaves] Dwight dwight That...[quickly] you got a promotion! [Dwight turns back] Right? I mean that's not the kinda thing you wanna read quietly at your desk. Andy andy If you make me head of sales one more time, I swear. Dwight dwight No, this is legit. You will be assembling a team to go to Tallahassee for three weeks to develop and launch a chain of Sabre stores. Andy andy Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes, yes, yes, hi-yes! Yeah yeah yeah yeah! Dwight dwight The Shrutes have a word for when everything comes together in a man's life perfectly: Perfectinschlag. Hmm. Right now, I am in it. I finally get a chance to prove myself to corporate, I am assembling a competent team, I am likely a father, I am so deep inside of perfectinschlag right now. And just to be clear, there is a second definition, "perfect pork anus" which I don't mean. Dwight dwight And here's the fax for you. Erin erin And here's some facts for you. Did you know frogs can hear with their lungs? And that flamingos can have orgasms that last 30 minutes. Andy andy Ah! Love to learn. Erin erin Yeah, it's weird that I said that last one. Andy andy So... [points out their matching heart pins] Erin erin Uh yeah, look at that. Andy andy We're pin twins. Erin erin Pin twins! This is a gift from Jessica, kind of a gag gift really. Real gifts come later. Andy andy Yeah. That's cute. When I saw it in CVS it made me gag too. [Andy laughs, walks away, Erin throws away her pin] Erin erin For a while there I thought something would change. But nope. Andy's still with Jessica, they even carpool together most days. I don't know, I wouldn't mind carpooling every day with Andy, but I wouldn't want to spend that much time with Jessica. Erin erin What do we have here? Darryl darryl Val knit me a beanie. But I can't if it's a "we're just friends" beanie or a "I'm hot, you're hot, let's get it poppin'" beanie. So I'm gonna up the ante, give her a clearly romantic gift, and we'll get to the meaning of the beanie. Darryl darryl Pam, pack up your post-natal swimwear, make it a one piece or this offer is rescinded, and join me on a fantastic barbeque one week from today in Tallahassee, Florida where I'm going to be living for the next three weeks. Dwight dwight Really? Pam pam Mm hm. Dwight dwight I'll fly anywhere for some good barbeque. Pam pam Ooh, me three. Jim jim Eh! No plus one's. This is for competent workers only. And don't worry about the cost, Sabre is footing the bill. Dwight dwight Does this have anything to do with what you were talking to Andy about? Pam pam God, you're such a spy. Dwight dwight [clears throat] Notice anything different about me? Darryl darryl You're wearing the beanie. You like it? Val val Super comfortable. Like sweatpants for my head. Darryl darryl I love it too Val. It's it's really itchy, uh but to be fair my head is constantly itching so I can't really peg it on the hat. Nate nate [noticing all the warehouse workers wearing homemade beanies] Wow. It's like the nation of Islam down here. Darryl darryl I like to knit, don't hate. And who's that for? Val val Oh, this is a gift, for....my man Nate here. Darryl darryl What? Nate nate Yeah. Darryl darryl Darryl, you shouldn't have. Nate nate Hey. Darryl darryl Can I open it? Nate nate No, no, no. Maybe just later. Darryl darryl Ah, I can't wait. I'm sorry. I get too excited. [opens gift] Darryl. Nate nate Wow. Those are really nice. Val val They're so elegant. Nate nate Cashmere. Val val How'd you know? Nate nate Just a hunch. Your gift is on the way. Darryl darryl Can't wait. Val val [reading card] "I'm glad you're in my life. Happy Valentine's Day." Ugh, Darryl. I am glad to be in your life too. Oh, your card is more beautiful than the gloves. Nate nate My first task as special project manager Dwight Shrute? Assembling a crack team. I need people who are loyal. People who'll help me get an inroad with the gay Hispanic community. People who won't be missed. We don't need idiots, good for nothing's, methheads or... What's your name? Dwight dwight Kathy. Kathy kathy Kathy. Dwight dwight I just got a text from Robert California that says "bring your clubs to Florida". Jim jim Why? Does he think you're going to Florida? Pam pam I hope not. [laughs] Because I am not going. Two question marks? Jim jim No, just do one. Two question marks is kind of aggressive. You know it's like wha-what?? Just do one. Pam pam You wanna take Darryl, Phyllis, Toby, Angela and Oscar? Andy andy Yes. Dwight dwight Can I interest you in someone less essential? Like uh a Creed or a Meredith perhaps? Andy andy Oh my god. Dwight dwight They're not expendable exactly, I just can't...I can't think of the word I'm trying to find. Andy andy Are you kidding me?! I'm supposed to get in an airplane with those nincompoops? We'd never get off the runway. Dwight dwight Alright, look. I gotta keep this office functioning somehow. So, I have put together a list, here's your team. Darryl and Phyllis you can have, but you're also taking Kathy, Kelly and Kevin. Andy andy Oh god. Dwight dwight You have your team. Andy andy Kevin!? Kelly!? Kathy!? Andy just gave me a chain with three weak links. Have you ever tried to use a chain with three weak links? I have. And now I no longer own an arctic wolf. Dwight dwight Well, let's hear it. Pam pam "Robert, Hey!" Exclamation point. Jim jim I like it so far. Pam pam "Got your text, awesome idea. Let's hit the links next time you're in PA" Dash JH. Jim jim It's perfect. You emphasized the golf, completely omit the Florida. Pam pam Yeah, it's a golf text. Jim jim Total golf text. Send it. Pam pam Duh- Wait. I just feel weird. I should just call him. Jim jim You wanna call someone? That texted you!? Do you wanna drive them away? I mean, ugh. Kelly kelly [on phone] This is Darryl. Darryl darryl Oh, sorry I asked for the main shipping number. I just need the address for the warehouse? I want to send my girlfriend some flowers. Bob bob Your girlfriend? Is your girlfriend Val? Darryl darryl Yeah, do you know her? Bob bob We're friends. We're friends. Darryl darryl Cool. Um, so can I get that address or...? Bob bob Yeah sorry, I'm just looking for a pen. Darryl darryl Why do you need a pen? Bob bob Back off! I got my reasons. Darryl darryl May I have your attention please? Could Kathy, Darryl, Phyllis, Kevin and Kelly please join me in the conference room immediately? Dwight dwight Why? Kelly kelly Oh, no big deal. It's just that you five have been deemed most deserving of a three week all expenses paid business trip to Tallahassee, Florida. Dwight dwight Hell yeah. Kelly kelly What?! Stanley stanley Oh, I'm sorry Stanley, I can't share any more details with you. You see, Andy rejected you. Dwight dwight Wait. Kathy gets to go? Uh, why does she even still work here? Pam is back. Meredith meredith It just feels like a slap in the face. Oscar oscar I can understand your pain and your rage, but you know what? Andy is an honorable man, let us not question his choices. I'm sure he had his reasons. Dwight dwight We're not questioning his reasons. I just wanna know what they are. Oscar oscar I know, you and me both, brother. It seemed kinda random to me, but he was pretty clear on who he thought truly deserved this boondoggle of a lifetime. Dwight dwight Well, he nailed it because I do deserve a vacation. Sometimes Batman's gotta take off his cape. Kevin kevin Good point. But we're gonna be working pretty hard until five PM. After that it's gonna be beach volleyball, trips to Cape Canaveral, and sea kayaking with Gloria Estefan. Dwight dwight What are the criteria for going? Ryan ryan It might be innate goodness versus innate badness? But there's an easy way to find out. [knocks on Andy's office door] Oh Andy, gotta few questions for you. Dwight dwight Mooshie mooshie. [Dwight laughs] Andy andy Uh, the Florida picks got out, and people were just kind of curious as to why they weren't picked and maybe you could just clarify? Dwight dwight Well uh...well the deliberations were confidential so...I feel like we should respect that. Andy andy Respect it? You're trying to tell me Kevin Malone deserves more than Stanley Hudson. Stanley stanley Hey! Kevin kevin Ok, it's obvious Andy picked the people that are least important to the office. Angela angela Important? Oh because you and your enormous monster baby are so important to the branch. Kelly kelly My baby is not a monster! Angela angela Hey. Be proud of your enormous monster baby. I was once an enormous monster baby. Dwight dwight Guys. Guys. Guys. Come on, seriously? We cannot let this trip cause this kind of rift, guys! Andy andy Stop calling us "guys". Ryan ryan I use the word "guys" a lot when I'm nervous...guys. Andy andy Guys! Guys! Guys! Andy andy Stop it! Group group Guys.. Andy andy Stop. Stop it Andy. Ryan ryan ...Andy. Oscar oscar Dudes...the dudes who are going to Florida were picked by Dwight and me. Andy andy OK hey. I specifically remember there were a lot of other people I thought should be considered. Dwight dwight Wha- Andy andy If anybody's going to Florida, it should be me. Every shirt I have that isn't a work shirt is a Tommy Bahama. I'm the only person in this office who watches Burn Notice. Stanley stanley OK, I did not realize that so many of you wanted to go so badly, so if you feel like you have a very good reason to go to Florida, I'm happy to hear you out. Andy andy Great idea! So why doesn't everyone just take the next five to six hours, come up with a statement on why you feel you deserve to go to Florida and Andy and I will listen to it. Dwight dwight No. That is a ridiculous waste of time. Andy andy For you maybe. Kelly kelly Five to six hours? Andy andy Three to four hours. Dwight dwight No no no no. Andy andy Two to three hours... Dwight dwight Nope. Andy andy Come up with a statement in the next hour.... Dwight dwight Thirty minutes! Andy andy I'm out. Creed creed Ok, read it back to me. Pam pam [reading text] Robert, great offer. Wish I could hit the links with you in Florida but a father of a newborn really should be helping out his wife any chance he gets. Jim jim Good. Doesn't sound pushy...you're just stating a fact. Pam pam Absolutely. Works for me. Erin erin Ok, sending. Jim jim Well done. And we managed to kill the entire morning. Pam pam Really did [Text bleep] He responded L-O-L. Jim jim [laughs exaggeratedly] Erin erin I have a new swimsuit I need to break in.... Phyllis phyllis I am... Meredith meredith I have already picked my team: Darryl, Oscar, Angela, Phyllis and Toby and that is the team that I am taking. What's that? It's not up to me? I only have influence? Well, that's all Baltzer Gladfielder had and no one eats owls for Thanksgiving. Dwight dwight You have two young dynamic people in this office who know trends, who know youth. That's myself and Kelly Kapoor, you need one of us there. Ryan ryan Or both? Andy andy Not both. Just one, me. Or if not me, Kelly. Ideally me. Again, youth knowledge. That's what you get when you put Ryan Howard on your special project team...or Kelly Kapoor. Again, not both. Thanks. Ryan ryan Very impressive. He put a lot of work into that. Andy andy Mm-hm. Powerpoints are the peacocks of the business world. All show, no meat. Dwight dwight Because I feel like that I'm in a place with my gambling rehab that I can finally start going to dog racing again. You know, just sitting, watching, enjoying the sport? Maybe putting down a few dollars if there's like a crazy mismatch or something... Kevin kevin Ok. Thank you Kevin, we'll let you know. Dwight dwight Thank you. Andy andy When do we leave? Kevin kevin Thank you. Andy andy It has been a long, lonely winter. Toby toby Wow. Seasonal effective disorder, AKA: sad. That sounds like a very real thing, Toby. Dwight dwight It is real, thank you for saying that. Toby toby Yeah, wow. It's almost like we're not all experiencing the same winter? Andy andy Florida Stanley smiles. Florida Stanley is happy to go to work. Florida Stanley is who you want on your Florida team. Stanley stanley Maybe it's what she does here... Dwight dwight Well... Andy andy Hey guys, any spots left? Erin erin Erin, you wanna go to Tallahassee? Andy andy I do. I really do. I think it would be a nice way to clear my head. Erin erin You know I don't think it's a good idea for you to clear your head any more than it has been already. I think you need a workplace where the burdens of everyday life keep you tethered to reality. Dwight dwight Either or. But if you can find someone to fill in, I would love to go. Erin erin Well it wouldn't be hard to find someone to fill in.. Andy andy Really? Oh, great. Good, ahem, good. Erin erin Now, is it too dark to say that Cici's having an operation? Jim jim I think you need to go to Florida. Pam pam I think you're right. Jim jim It's only for three weeks, you know with my mom and sister at the house it'll be.. Pam pam Total nightmare. Jim jim I was going to say good because I'll have all the help I need? Pam pam Yeah, that's what I'm saying. They're incredibly helpful, you're lucky to have them. I mean with them there, you probably won't even know I'm gone. Jim jim Exactly. Pam pam Well, [Jim enters] No! No! Absolutely not! You are not going. Over my dead body, no. Andy? Dwight dwight Tuns, I'm really sorry. You're too essential to the operation here, I can't let you go. Andy andy I wouldn't say that...it's a bit much. Dwight dwight You know Dwight, if you didn't want me to go the smart move would be to tell Andy that I actually am essential to the operation. That way I couldn't go. Jim jim Jim is essential to th- Dwight dwight Hold on, just wanna get it on camera. [holds up cellphone] Jim jim Andy, Jim is just too...essen-... Dwight dwight Essential. Jim jim This is stupid! Cut. Dwight dwight Alright, I'm gonna pack my trunks. Jim jim He doesn't even want to go. Dwight dwight Well, I got a text from RC inviting me to come down so I think that's gonna make us roomates. Jim jim Oh my god. Dwight dwight Hey, quick question: Do you shower at night or in the morning? Cause I wanna shower when you're showering. Save some water. Jim jim OK, listen up everyone, here's who's going to Florida: Kathy.. Andy andy What? Dwight dwight ....Stanley.. Andy andy No. Dwight dwight ...Ryan... Andy andy No! Dwight dwight ...Erin... Andy andy (Bleep) Dwight dwight ...And, Jim. Andy andy You've gotta be (bleep)-ing kidding me. Ok. Ok, Florida group, welcome to the team. [goes into conference room and slams door] AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! Dwight dwight Let's go, step it up you runts. You infants, let's move. Dwight dwight Why is it so hot in here? Stanley stanley Hot? What are you talking about? This is a nice temperate Florida morning. Eighty-five degrees, seventy-five percent humidity. This is the exact environment you will be facing for the next three weeks of your life. Welcome to special projects orientation. The next three weeks of your life are gonna be the most miserable you've ever faced. They're gonna be hard, they're gonna be dirty. You're gonna wish you were dead. Dwight dwight But... Ryan ryan But? There's not buts. That's it. You'll wish you were dead. You seem a little disturbed, you wanna stay here? Dwight dwight No no, I want to go. Ryan ryan Cause if any of you would prefer to stay here, all you need to do is ring this bell. [holds up Taboo buzzer] Dwight dwight Is that the buzzer from Taboo? Jim jim SHUT UP MAGGOT! YOU DON'T WANT TO GO, RING THE BELL! RING IT! Ring it. Dwight dwight How many of you have seen the documentary Deliverance? Dwight dwight How did a mosquito get in here? Stanley stanley I released three hundred mosquitoes in the conference room, just temporarily. When I'm done, the frogs will take care of the mosquitoes. [Frog in plastic cage ribbits] Dwight dwight Yes, when he brushes your soft supple cheeks with his worn leathery hands and says "I'm gonna make you the seventh Mrs. Rosenblatt" unless you ring this bell. Ring it! Ring the bell. You wanna spend the rest of your life changing your husband's colostomy bags? Huh? Do you? Ring it! Wha-, [Jim slaps Dwight's forehead] oh. What was that? Dwight dwight Mosquito. Jim jim [Sighs and grunts] Orientation is over. Dwight dwight Oh Darryl, hey. Nate nate Hey what's up? You called? Darryl darryl Yeah, you know I, I felt really terrible that you got me these lovely gloves and I didn't get you anything... Nate nate It's cool really. Darryl darryl No, it's anything but cool. Now I haven't really had time to go out and buy you anything, but uh, here goes. [Hands Darryl pink slips of paper] Nate nate "This coupon entitles you to one free tickle monster attack" Darryl darryl Yeah, they're Nate coupons. Or Nate-pons. And they're all different. Cash that one in and I will bring you a stick of gum, anytime, any place. I'll find you. Nate nate Thanks. [to Val] Nice flowers. Darryl darryl Thanks, they're from my mom. Val val Your mom? Darryl darryl Yeah. Val val Uh. So I guess that was your mom who called me earlier looking for the address? Real deep voiced woman? Darryl darryl Yeah, that's her. Val val She said her name was Brandon, I think. Your mom's name is Brandon? Darryl darryl [laughs] Yeah Darryl, my mom's name is Brandon. Val val Then I guess I figured out where I stand. This is a love beanie. Darryl darryl Ok, Florida team, let's reconvene. Dwight dwight I'm going to Florida.....and I'm not coming back. Erin erin So Sabre has set up a conference room for our use while we're at corporate. Dwight dwight So, what is this special project? Jim jim Basically Sabre has tasked us with helping them branch into the retail marketplace. They want to set up their own version of an Apple store. Dwight dwight That sounds awesome. Jim jim It did, it did. Dwight dwight You know what might be great? Is if instead of a genius bar we have a lounge area where people can ask questions about the product with other customers who liked it. Ryan ryan Yeah. And they should have a place where people can check their computers or printers before they see you so you don't have to carry it around like a dope. Like a coat check. [Dwight writes on whiteboard] Oh, don't write it down unless you like it. Erin erin Oh, I like it. Dwight dwight It seems to me that the Apple store is kind of like a party. So I think our question is: How do we make this a better party? Ryan ryan No. We sell business tools and the stores need to reflect that. They need to be all business. Let all the other stores look like a toy store. Dwight dwight Right. Think different, from Apple. Ryan ryan Dwight, is now a good time to go over what you expect of us? Jim jim [long pause] Yes. What are my expectations for the group? Dwight dwight I have been given the responsibility to manage Stanley, a solid player, Ryan, who is capable of surprises, Erin, an excellent follower and Kathy, a probably not totally useless enigma. And, well, Jim. Under the right manager, that's not a bad team. Perfectinschlag. Dwight dwight I don't know how I'm going to live here without you. Kelly kelly Me neither. Hey, will you put this coat on my chair? I just realized I'm not going to need it down there. Ryan ryan Yes, I will take your coat. And I will keep it with me, and I will sleep with it because it smells like you. Kelly kelly No, no, no, no. Just put it on my chair. Ryan ryan Alright [kiss] Pam pam Bye. Jim jim Bye. Call me when you land. Pam pam I will. Jim jim Safe travels. Andy andy Goodbye for a very very long time. Erin erin Oh, K. It's only three weeks. Andy andy [On phone] All expenses paid. Yeah, Jim's gonna be there. Their marriage is not good. Nobody knows better than me. Definitely we will. It's three weeks in Tallahassee, what else is there to do? Kathy kathy