[waiting on Pam to be done with the microwave] Ahhhhhhhhh. [whispering loudly] I'm hungry. Michael michael Movie Monday! The only cure I know for the Monday blues is... Varsity Blues! Michael michael Let's gooooo! Let's go, let's go, let's go! Michael michael [directing people to their assigned seats] Take a seat down there. Second from the end. Dwight dwight Alright, everybody here? Yes. Michael michael [walking in with a tray of six popcorn bags] Popcorn anyone? Pam pam Yes pleeeeease! Thank yooouuu! Michael michael [with five popcorn bags left] Anyone else? Nooo. Pam pam Movie Monday started with training videos, but we went through those pretty fast. Then we watched a medical video. Since then, it's been half hour installments of various movies, with the exception of an episode of Entourage, which Michael made us watch six times. Pam pam Entourage! Michael michael Kevin, would you like to do the scenes from last week? Michael michael Yes! Kevin kevin Why him? Dwight dwight Don't whine. Get the window. [Dwight exhales] Michael michael Previously on Varsity Blues... Michael michael Ok. Billy-Bob, got a head injury, but coach made him play. So then Lance, he gets sacked, he's out for the year... Kevin kevin [walking into an empty office because everyone is watching Varsity Blues] Hello? Jan jan Not everyone approves of Movie Monday. I won't say who. Dwight dwight I don't approve. I don't. Angela angela Hello? [Angela coughs and points to the conference room] Jan jan [Jan walks in on Movie Monday] Hi Jan! Hope you brought the Milk Duds! Michael michael How would a movie increase productivity Michael? How on earth would it do that? Jan jan People work faster after... Michael michael Magically? Jan jan No... they have to... to make up for the time they lost watching the movie. Michael michael No. Jan jan [walking past Dwight's desk] Kitchen. Angela angela Michael is going to get us all fired. You sat back and let him play that dumb movie, and now Jan is peeved off and we're all going to lose our jobs. Angela angela That's not going to happen. Dwight dwight You know she has it out for him now. Angela angela That's not his fault! He had to follow his heart! Dwight dwight Ever since Michael dumped Jan for Carol, Jan's been bitching out on him. Reject a woman and she will never let it go. One of the many defects of their kind. Also weak arms. Dwight dwight Dwight, you should be running this office. Angela angela Michael would never let me... Dwight dwight It's not up to Michael, it's Jan's call. Talk to her. Angela angela I could never do that! Dwight dwight Fine! Sit back and do nothing and let us all get fired! Angela angela I know that patience and loyalty are good, and virtuous traits. But sometimes I just think you need to grow a pair. Angela angela At the Stamford branch, they all play this World War II video game called Call of Duty, and they're all really into it. I'm told it started as a team building exercise. Unfortunately I really suck at it. We didn't play many video games in Scranton. Instead we'd do stuff like, uh, Pam and I would sometimes hum the same high pitched note, and try to get Dwight to make an appointment with an ear doctor. And uh, Pam called it... Pretendenitus. Jim jim [on the phone] Hey Kelly, my stuff just got here. [Kelly screams with excitement into the phone and Pam has to take it away from her ear] Pam pam Kelly really likes to online shop. Soooo, I felt like I wanted some new clothes. I mean, I just, I wanted to, it just, I felt like it was time, to maybe um... just get new clothes. Pam pam [pulling her new shirt out of a box] Ok. Pam pam [gasps] I love it! Kelly kelly Really? I don't know. Pam pam You haven't even tried it on yet, try it on. Kelly kelly Not at work, I'll try it on-- Pam pam Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch! Kelly kelly ...noooo Pam pam [clapping her hands in unison] Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch! Fashion show! Fashion show! Fashion show at lunch! Kelly kelly Why did you do that?! Andy andy I'm just killing Germans, any way I can. Jim jim We're on the German team. Shoot the Brittish. Andy andy [turning around to Karen] Wait, are we playing teams? Jim jim [laughing] Yeah. Karen karen [outside in the parking lot, pacing back and forth] WAH! GAH! [breathing heavily] Dwight dwight [answering the phone] Hello? Jan jan Is this Jan? Dwight dwight Who is this? Jan jan This is Dwight Schrute. I am calling about an extremely sensitive matter. Dwight dwight You should talk to Michael, and he'll talk to me, and that way we don't have to speak to each other. Jan jan It's about Michael. Dwight dwight What about him? Jan jan [exhales] I can't talk here. It's too sensitive. Dwight dwight It's not about a surprise party is it? Jan jan No, but we should discuss that another time. Dwight dwight Look, I am already an hour outside of Scranton, Dwight, I'm not coming back. Jan jan Pull over at exit 40. There is a Liz Claiborne outlet. I know you like that store. Go inside and shop, until I can meet you. Dwight dwight How do you know I like that store? Jan jan Many of your blouses are Claiborne's. Dwight dwight How do you know that? Jan jan Part of my job. Dwight dwight No it's not. It's officially not. Jan jan ...noted. Dwight dwight [walking into Michael's office] I'm going... to the dentist. Dwight dwight Ok. Michael michael I have to have an emergency crown put in. Dwight dwight Ouchy. Michael michael Yes. It's a new dentist. He's far. I might be gone... three hours. Dwight dwight Three hours, wow. Have fun. [Dwight walks away staring through the blinds at Michael] Michael michael Did you get anything good? Dwight dwight Yeah. Jan jan New blouse? Halter top? Camisole? Teddy? Dwight dwight I can save the branch. Dwight dwight Really? Jan jan If you let me run it. Dwight dwight Ok. Jan jan [excitedly] "Ok" I can run it? Dwight dwight What would you do differently? Jan jan Mostly get rid of waste. Which is half the people there. And clean house. [to waitress in diner] Right here. It's all for me. Thank you. Dwight dwight Dwight, you must feel strongly, to speak with me this way, behind Michael's back, and turn on so many of your co-workers. Jan jan The decision to turn on Michael was difficult. [pouring way too much syrup on his food] But once I did it, I didn't look back. And mostly I feel that Michael would approve. It's really what's best for the branch. And I could care less about my co-workers. So [cutting his food, giving Jan a "so there" look], here we are. It's all, on the table. I want... the branch. And I await your decision. Dwight dwight [shoveling waffles into his mouth] Oh, by the way. There's a new Ann Taylor outlet store near here. I know you like their earrings. Dwight dwight [thinks for a second] Where is it? Jan jan [on speakerphone with Michael] Michael. Jan jan Hi. Michael michael I just had a very interesting conversation with one of your employees. Jan jan Oh. That's nice. Michael michael No, it wasn't. Dwight just told me that he thinks he can run the branch better than you. Jan jan ...what? Michael michael Mm-hmm. Jan jan ...you were at the dentist? Michael michael You can't have people undermining you. Get control of your branch immediately. Jan jan Ok. Michael michael What was Dwight thinking? That he could turn Jan against me? She's my ex-lover! ...ish. Michael michael [Pam walks out of the bathroom wearing her new red shirt] Woooooow. Phyllis phyllis It's so sexy. You look so hot. Kelly kelly It's really something. Phyllis phyllis [smiling] It's too much. Pam pam What? Kelly kelly I'm gonna return it. Pam pam No, you have to keep it today, just see how you feel. Kelly kelly [walking into the break room] Hey. Roy roy Hi. Pam pam You look nice. Roy roy Thanks. Pam pam Isn't that like your third soda today? Kelly kelly Yeah I think we can be a big help to your company. [someone dims the lights, signifying that it's game time] Ok, see you next week. Bye. [to Karen] Again? Jim jim Scared? Karen karen [with her hands making the rocker sign] Call of Duty! Karen karen [sounding upset] Andy, Jim, can I see you in the conference room for a minute? Josh josh Now? Andy andy Yes now. Josh josh Put the game on hold everyone. Andy andy This is not working, ok? We are getting slaughtered out there. Josh josh It's the new guy. [looks at Jim] Andy andy Oh, I'm sorry I don't know... what we're talking about... Jim jim See what I mean? Andy andy We just need a strategy, ok? We're going to set up a trap in the gun room. All right Jim, are you using the MP-40 or the 44? Josh josh Um, sniper rifle? Jim jim SNIPE- Josh josh WHAT? Andy andy JIM! Josh josh Are you playing for the other team?! Andy andy You don't snipe in Carrington, ok? Josh josh Saboteur! Andy andy Andy, it's not-- Josh josh Saboteur! I'm going to kill you for real. This game-- the game is over. I'm really going to shoot you. Andy andy Hey Dwight. Michael michael Hey. Dwight dwight Do you want an M&M? Michael michael No thanks I'm stuffed. Dwight dwight No seriously. You should have an M&M, they're really good. Michael michael ...ok. [takes and eats several M&M's] Dwight dwight They're good, huh? Michael michael ...so good. Dwight dwight Hey. I thought you weren't supposed to eat anything for a couple hours after you've had a crown put in. Michael michael They have this new kind of quick drying bonding, so... Dwight dwight Sounds like a good dentist. Michael michael Oh, yeah. Dwight dwight What's his name? Michael michael [long pause] Crentist. Dwight dwight Your dentist's name is Crentist. Michael michael Yep. Dwight dwight Huh. Sounds a lot like dentist. Michael michael Maybe that's why he became a dentist. Dwight dwight Let me see your teeth. Let me see 'em. Let me see 'em. Michael michael [reluctantly opens his mouth and Michael peers inside] Ahh. Aaaah. Dwight dwight You should... floss. Michael michael I know... Dwight dwight [exhales] Well then... I am glad you're ok. Michael michael Business is like a jungle. And I... am like a tiger. And Dwight, is like a monkey, that stabs the tiger in the back with a stick. Does the tiger fire the monkey? Does the tiger transfer the monkey to another branch? [smiling] Pun. There is no way of knowing what goes on inside the tiger's head. We don't have the technology. Michael michael Dwight, can I talk to you for a second? Michael michael [in Michael's office] Wow, this is tough. Michael michael What? Dwight dwight Ohhhh. Arrrgggh! Michael michael What is it? Dwight dwight Well, I just got off the phone with Jan. And um... she demoted me. Michael michael No. Dwight dwight Yeah. You know what the craziest part of this is? She demoted me to your job! Michael michael Gahh! Dwight dwight And she said that you should be expecting a call later from corporate, and that um, I guess that means that you are going to be acting manager of Dunder Mifflin, Scranton. Michael michael I can't believe this news. That-- wow. Dwight dwight I know. I told her I didn't know whether you'd wanna do it... because you've always been so loyal to me. You've been my most trusted ally. Michael michael You said that? Dwight dwight Yep, I did. I did. But I think... you should do it. Michael michael Well... Gosh, if you think I should. Then I will. Dwight dwight [exhales] Perfect, well, we're settled. Michael michael All right. Dwight dwight All right. Well then, you are now acting manager of Dunder Mifflin Scranton Branch, and I... am assistant regional manager. Michael michael Assistant to the regional manager. Thank you Michael, for staying on. I really appreciate it. Dwight dwight Ohh.. Michael michael Hey... I can't imagine this place without you. Dwight dwight [muttering] Can't you? That's so nice. Michael michael Well... I guess we should go tell the troops. Michael michael Yeah, when I'm ready, Mike. [Dwight exhales, Michael looks at the camera] Ok let's do it. Dwight dwight Hey, hi, hello. Everybody, I have some good news, and I have some bad news. I... am being replaced, as your leader, by Dwight. Michael michael You're kidding... Phyllis phyllis You might think that I am kidding, and I understand that. Michael michael Congratulations Dwight. Angela angela Thank you Angela. Dwight dwight But... why Dwight? Stanley stanley Because, Dwight... never lies. Michael michael How does that qualify him to run a branch? Stanley stanley Because that's all it takes. Michael michael Ok, Dwight, would you like to say a few words to everybody... about loyalty? Michael michael Thank you Michael. I just want to say, to the few of you who will remain under my employ, that I intend to lead you into the black! With ferocity! Dwight dwight Michael, what will you do? Phyllis phyllis Oh, I'll be fine. Michael michael Do you have any savings? Kevin kevin No, no, I don't, but-- Michael michael Michael, you might lose your condo. Kevin kevin I... won't. I won't. Michael michael I have this little vacuum cleaner that's broken. If Dwight doesn't work out, maybe that could be manager. Pam pam Maybe I'll quit. Phyllis phyllis It's really happening! Angela angela Yes. Dwight dwight We can make a difference here. Angela angela I, will, make a difference here. Dwight dwight You alone? Because I thought together we could-- Angela angela Oh please, don't be naive. But you can be in charge of the women. Dwight dwight [whispering] Look how cute he is! He's trying to shoot with a smoke grenade. Karen karen I'm sorry what are you whispering about? Jim jim I'm sorry nothing, just concentrate on turning around. Karen karen I'm trying-- Jim jim Just tap S then D. Karen karen Oh. Jim jim [her players gun is pointed directly at Jim's player's head] Any... last words? No? Karen karen What? [Karen's player shoots Jim's player, "You killed Jim Halpert" appears on the screen, Karen giggles] Jim jim Wow. Psychopath. [Karen grins widely at Jim] Jim jim What? Pam pam I'm just looking. Creed creed Please go back to your desk. Pam pam In a minute. Creed creed Well, I remember why I dress the way I do at work. But I'm gonna keep the clothes. I mean, it'll be cool to just have some after work clothes that aren't pajamas. Pam pam Well, I guess it's time, that I turn over the keys, to the famous Sebring. Michael michael [smiling] No thank you. Dwight dwight It's a corporate lease Dwight, you've earned it. Michael michael No thanks. Dwight dwight What? Michael michael Not my style. Dwight dwight But you said you liked it. You've always admired it. Michael michael Well that was before. I'm thinking about getting something German, something with decent gas mileage. Plus, that convertible, it's a ridiculous choice for this climate. Dwight dwight [Michael finally breaks] Take it back. Michael michael [confused] No. Dwight dwight That's my car. Michael michael What did you-- Dwight dwight THAT'S MY CAR. Michael michael Yes. Dwight dwight I know, Dwight. I know. I know. I know. Michael michael You know what? Dwight dwight Jan called me about your little meeting! Michael michael No! Dwight dwight I know, what you did. I made the whole thing up, Dwight. Michael michael I think the Sebring's cool. It's cool. The Seabring's cool. It has a cassette and it has a CD. Dwight dwight Oh do you? Do you like the Sebring-- HOW DARE YOU?! How dare you, Dwight? Michael michael [Dwight gets on his knees and puts his face down on the ground] Don't fire me. Please. Dwight dwight Give me one good reason why I should fire you RIGHT HERE ON THE SPOT?! Michael michael [terrified] I HAVE EXCELLENT SALES NUMBERS! Dwight dwight Not. Good. Enough! Michael michael [sobbing] I'll do anything! Anything! I'll do your laundry for a month! For a year! Dwight dwight I have a laundry machine! Michael michael I'm sorry! I'll do anything, I swear. [squeaking, crying] Dwight dwight I don't know if I can trust you anymore. Michael michael You can't. You can't. But I promise I'll never betray you again. What can I do, Michael. What can I do? [Michael exhales] What can I do? [Dwight has his face to the ground but his butt raised high in the air] What can I do? What can I do? Dwight dwight You can get up. Get up. [Dwight gets up with spit hanging from his lips] And you can hug it out, bitch. [Dwight and Michael have a firm embrace] Michael michael Hug it out, bitch. That is what men say to each other, after a fight. They hug it out, and doing so, the just... let it go. And walk away. And they're done. Not a good idea to say that to a woman however. I have found. It doesn't translate. Michael michael [leaving his desk for the day, pretends pull the pen out of a pretend grenade, and tosses it to Karen] Jim jim [throws some desk material in the air to signify debris from the grenade explosion, grins as Jim walks away] Karen karen Yep. Yeah, we hugged it out. But, it turns out, I was still a little angry. So, I felt I needed to punish him, just a little bit more, [cut to Dwight standing on a box with "LIAR" written on a piece of paper hung around his neck, Dwight's head hung in shame] and I'm making him do my laundry for a year. Michael michael Okay. [Jan leaves Michael's office; Dwight enters] Michael michael Hey. [shuts door] Is everything okay? Dwight dwight It is not your business, Dwight. Michael michael If the branch is in trouble, there are things you can do. Dwight dwight What do you know about management, Dwight? Michael michael I know that we need to cut costs. We could fire Meredith. That's a big cost. Dwight dwight I'm not firing anyone. Michael michael Creed might be living here, we could charge him rent. Dwight dwight ... What? Michael michael Four nights a week, I sleep under my desk, and then three nights I stay at my place in Toronto. They don't know about this job up there. It's a welfare state. Beautiful countries, both of 'em. Creed creed Okay. Here we go. Everybody, you know what? It dawned on me we were all in there watching a movie together before we were so rudely interrupted, Let's get back in there. [no takers] Come on. Movie Monday! Come on, Stanley let's go. Michael michael [standing at the supply shelf] I'm on the phone. Stanley stanley Ryan? Michael michael I'm pretty sure Jan said that we're not supposed to. Ryan ryan Okay, well, we had scheduled this time to watch a movie together, so I guess I will just go play some online Scrabble. Michael michael [looks to Angela] Dwight dwight [shakes her head disapprovingly] Angela angela The Schrutes are a very loyal breed. But I also have Mannheim blood from my German grandmother. And the Mannheims knew when to cut and run. No sense going down with a losing regime. But the Schrute blood... It's amazing that when these two bloods mix, the whole thing didn't explode. Dwight dwight So, she sleeps with him, but she is still in love with the head surgeon, um, the McDreamy guy, and she starts crying, but the dorky doctor, he's in love with her... [phone rings] Michael michael Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. ... Uh, sure, I'll get him for you. [to Michael] It's Jan for you. Pam pam Really? Michael michael Yeah. Pam pam I may have a few weeks ago faked a call from Jan in order to get out of a synopsis of, I think it was, Navy: NCIS. Since then, Michael's been suspicious. Pam pam Nnnnice. Wow! Kevin kevin [playing Call of Duty] Oh? Someone's left out in the open, taking a little siesta. Not smart. [shoots] Yes! Finally killed you... [Karen's desk is empty] Jim jim Hey, Jim? Jan jan Hey, Jan. Jim jim How's work going? Jan jan [nervously] Pretty good. Jim jim [kills Jim's character, giggles] Oh, you know what, I gotta see Josh right now, but remind me to tell you what Dwight said to me earlier, okay? You'll get a big kick out of it. [leaves] Jan jan [baffled expression] Jim jim Things are a little bit... different here in Stamford. [shrug] It's not bad. Jim jim