Have you seen Darryl? Nellie nellie He's around here somewhere. Erin erin Mmm. [exits, Erin smiles deviously] Nellie nellie Yeah, Darryl's here. So is Santa Claus. It's just a regular Thursday. [checks for anyone around] Neither guy is here. And, it's Friday. Welcome to me and Darryl's world of lies. Erin erin Nobody knows it yet, but Darryl already started working in Philly. So now, he has to sneak out of here like the sneakiest little sneaky-sneak you ever saw. And I'm his helper. It's so fun. Erin erin [as Darryl descends stairs, Erin ascends carrying a giant teddy bear] Darryl. Meet... bear... ull. Erin erin How much did you pay for that? Darryl darryl Nothing. Won him at the carnival. Spent a ton on tickets, though. Drive safe. Erin erin Everybody knows I go to Philly. I've just been using sick days I saved up. But, Erin was so excited about being sneaky-sneaks, I went along with it. Darryl darryl [exiting Darryl's office] Ha, ha, ha! Darryl, you are too much! [to Phyllis] That guy's hilarious. He's here today. [giant teddy bear is viewed in Darryl's office] Erin erin I've really been putting in the hours on this mural. And my boss is totally OK with it, because he's in the Bahamas and has no clue what anybody is doing. I'm usually very self-critical. I hate what I paint. But, I don't know, this time I feel like it's, um, it's really coming together... [sees mural] Oh my god! [camera pans to mural with butts painted over it] Wha? You've gotta be kidding me! What it... are those... are those butts? [to warehouse crew] Huh? No way. No way! Pam pam Excuse me, everyone. Is it OK if I leave early from work today? It's Phillip's first birthday and the senator and I are hosting a party at our house. Angela angela Aw, cute! So there'll be a bunch of kids. Erin erin No. No children. Our house is not kid-friendly. Most of our furniture is sharp. Also, ew. It will mostly be campaign donors. Angela angela Angela, I am prepared to donate a whopping... [pulls cash from wallet] 8 dollars to Lipton For America to have an invitation... Kevin kevin No, no, please. You know, actually, none of you could even really make the cut for this thing. Which I am so sad about. Angela angela [undertone] Angela. You're going to find out, so I thought I'd let you know that, uh, Robert invited me too. Oscar oscar What? Angela angela He said he wanted me there for support. Oscar oscar I'm his! His... wife. Angela angela Angela's husband and I are in love. But, as a politician in this town, you still need the conventional blonde wife on your lawn signs. He is risking everything to have me there today. [laughs] Me. Oscar oscar [on phone with Robert] We agreed that you wouldn't be seen with him in public. It's humiliating for me. Well, if you get to bring a stud, maybe I do too. Angela angela [in Darryl and Jim's Philly apartment] Hey. Jim jim Hey. Darryl darryl We are splitting a sublet on a place near Philly. Jim jim Just a couple of grown, sexy-ass roommates. Darryl darryl And, as much as I miss Pam and the kids, it's, uh, kinda nice to live the bachelor life again. You know, let your hair down. Jim jim Jim was nice enough to give me his bedroom. Darryl darryl I'm couching it! Jim jim Which usually means there's clothes all over the living room. Darryl darryl And this dude labels his food. He's the clean one. And, I'm the messy one. How much fun is this? Jim jim I love Jim. I love that he hooked me up with a job. It's just, he uses old t-shirts as wash rags. He doesn't wash his dishes. Apparently, they need to [quote-unquote fingers] soak... He hooked me up with a job. Darryl darryl [ascends on lift, using megaphone] Attention, everyone. Can I have your attention, please? Yeah, I don't know everybody's name down here, but whoever did this will you please raise your hand. [no one replies] Hello? This is not over. OK? I will stay up here all day if I have to. Is that what you want? [descends on lift] Yeah, I will also come down if I want to. It's my choice. Pam pam I don't demand justice often. I'm not like Angela, who calls a lawyer every time someone watches a YouTube video of animals doing it. But, someone should get fired over this, right? Val's no help. Andy's gone. Jim's out. I just feel like I'm on my own here. [boom microphone bumps her head, she smiles] I mean, OK, not completely on my own. But, in terms of people who can do something. Thank you, Brian. Pam pam Hey. So, Wade wants to send people to the Sloan conference. We gotta compile a list of our target clients. Jim jim Already on it. I ordered them by their Google trend ranking so we know who to hit first. Darryl darryl [to camera] Who is this guy? We are killing it. Jim jim Yes sir. [notices Jim's using his coffee mug] Darryl darryl Yeah! Jim jim [entering office] Conference room. Everybody. Now! Pam pam You don't have the clearance to call a conference room meeting. Dwight dwight Yes, but David Wallace does. And he asked me to gather everyone to talk about stuff... That's gonna be revealed once we're in the conference room for the meeting. Pam pam You're telling me, David Wallace asked you to call a super secret, classified conference room meeting? Dwight dwight Yeah. Pam pam Let's go everyone. Super secret, classified conference room meeting, now! Dwight dwight [to everyone in conference room] I have terrible news. Someone defaced my mural. They painted all over it. Pam pam I thought that's what you were doing. Erin erin Yeah, but this is different. Pam pam Oh. They used worse paint than your paint? Erin erin I don't think so, but they put paint where I didn't want paint. So... Pam pam I thought you wanted paint on the whole thing. Erin erin Different colored paint. I wanted different colored paint in the spots where they put their paint. So, it just is... OK, the point is, these warehouse guys are vandals. And, they need to be stopped. Pam pam Yeah, and somebody had the balls to put my phone number on the men's room wall. Which is so messed up. It's 6782 not 83. Meredith meredith Uh, 6783's also a good time. Less mileage. Creed creed Pam, what can be done? Oscar oscar Yes. Thank you. Let's answer that question. Pam pam I was politely saying nothing can be done. I thought I was clear. Oscar oscar What? Come on guys. We need to figure out who did this and punish them. This isn't just about me. This is about all of us. This is our mural. Don't you see? How much we worked on this? How much time and energy? We put our heart and soul into this thing. Pam pam David Wallace called this meeting? Phyllis phyllis Sure did. I was as surprised as you, but apparently, he is very passionate about public art. Pam pam [as everyone begin to leave] No, no. Come on, guys. Don't go. Pam pam Pam, I'll help you. Dwight dwight You will? Pam pam If there's anything I hate worse than art, it's crime. Dwight dwight Thank you. Pam pam I am in too, Pam. Nellie nellie Yeah? Pam pam Yes, of course. I believe in you. I believe in your art. And I am bored. Nellie nellie Great. Pam pam I was hoping for a righteous mob, and I ended up with Dwight and Nellie. But, they both have a mob mentality. And, I'm pretty sure Dwight has a pitchfork in his car. Pam pam [enters quickly] You need my pitchfork? Dwight dwight [approaches Dwight as he leaves] Hey! Angela angela What is it? I have vengeance to exact. Dwight dwight Exciting news. There's room for one more at my son's birthday event. And, I want you. Angela angela Ah, I'm not interested. Dwight dwight What? Wait. The state transportation secretary will be there. You could sell your beet salt idea to the highway people. Angela angela If I get the deicing gig, it's not gonna be on merit. Not because I played politics. [exits] Dwight dwight Hey. So, a little birdie just told me that Dwight can't come to your son's birthday. So, do you want me to go with you? Kevin kevin No. Angela angela OK. I understand. I'll just stay here, then. Alone with the money. Kevin kevin Aw, crap. Angela angela [in warehouse] I am handing out pieces of paper. On which, you will draw one human butt. What I do with said drawings, is no one's business but my own. Dwight dwight You're gonna to compare 'um to the butts up there. [gestures mural] Frank frank Incorrect. It is my fetish. Oh, also, sign them. My fetish is signed drawings of butts. Dwight dwight I'm not drawing a butt. Glenn glenn All right then, they're bottoms. Uh, we should ask you to do big, rounded Ws. Nellie nellie Yes. Or nipplous breasts. Perhaps. Dwight dwight OK, OK. I think it's time to get back to work. Come on, fellas. Let's go. Val val Or melons. Like cantaloups. With the halves are cut off. And then, just the bottom parts... Dwight dwight Well, this is getting us nowhere. Nellie nellie We need another approach. Um, we need to fine the weakest one and separate him from the group. [they notice Nate struggling with a box] Yeah. I think if we could get Nate alone, we could crack him. Pam pam We just need a pretense to talk to him. We could tell him that his mother is dying. That usually works on him. [holds up phone] Nate. Your mother is dying. [Nate reacts with grief] Dwight dwight See, I feel bad about that. Pam pam It's all right. It's all right. Dwight dwight So, she's gonna pull through again? [all nod] That's great. Can I talk to her? Nate nate No. She needs her rest again. Dwight dwight Now listen. Now that we have got you here, let's talk about this mural business. Nellie nellie You know who the vandal is. Now, I know a lot of these warehouse guys are your friends, but we've got chewing gum. Dwight dwight Gum's gotten mintier lately. Have you noticed? Like, some of it's just too minty. It's like they're literally trying to hurt... Nate nate [interrupting] Tell us who defaced the mural! Pam pam [points at Warehouse Worker Frank] He did it. Nate nate All right. You can go. Give him his gum. Pam pam There's no gum. There never was any gum. Dwight dwight [leaving] That's really rude. Nate nate [at Phillip's party] Opening with pub pastries? That's a bold play. They're saying, it's only gonna get better from here? Good luck. Kevin kevin [noticing a portrait of Angela on the wall] That painting is just... How can anyone that weighs less than a guinea hen be so terrifying? Oscar oscar Ladies and gentlemen, Senator and Angela Lipton. [guests applaud] Party Announcer party-announcer Thanks, everybody. Thanks for coming. Phillip had no idea he was so popular. Senator Lipton senator-lipton [laughs] Oh, Robert, you're horrible. [to other guests] Simon, Maxine. [sarcastically] Who let you guys in here? Angela angela [points to Jim and Darryl] This is the team. Athlead Employee athlead-employee Nice job, man. Jim jim You too... Darryl. Darryl darryl [confused] What? [Darryl points at his thermos Jim has been using] Oh, man! I'm sorry about that. Jim jim It's cool. Reading's tricky sometimes. Darryl darryl Oh, um... Are you really mad about this? Jim jim That's my go-to thermos. That's all. Darryl darryl Oh. It's your go-to therm. Oh, man. That's a bummer. I'm sorry about that. Jim jim No big deal. No big deal. Darryl darryl No, no. If it's a big deal, it's a big deal. Jim jim Nah, nah... Darryl darryl No big deal. Jim jim [as Jim empties thermos into trash] Nah, nah, nah. You don't have to do that. Darryl darryl Honestly, I don't mind. [long, awkward pause until thermos is empty] Did you want me to wash it for you or... Jim jim I don't know. You gonna wash it? Or you gonna let it soak? Darryl darryl [after tense pause] OK. Here ya go. [roughly hands Darryl his thermos] Jim jim Thank you. Darryl darryl So, Frank. Do you have any thoughts about what was done? By you? Nellie nellie [to Nellie] Maybe, maybe I could, could get the ball rolling. [Nellie nods] Um, Frank? Hi. Pam. Um, I am so sorry if I've done anything to offend you. I'm sure it isn't easy for you guys to have an upstairs person coming down in your space. So. Truly. If, if, I apologize. But enough about me. Your turn. Pam pam [Warehouse Worker Frank remains silent, picks ear] You sort of deserve an apology here. Frank? Toby toby I'm sorry I didn't like your crappy doodles. I drew a butt. Big deal. Butts are funny. Frank frank Well, I didn't think that butt was funny. Pam pam Well, maybe if you got the stick out of yours. Frank frank What was that? Pam pam You know what? You people can't fire me. So, screw you. [exits] Frank frank Whoa! Hey! That is not OK. What are you gonna do about that? Pam pam Uh... it... compliment... Toby toby The first 'sorry' sounded sincere. Nellie nellie There were two or three 'sorry's in there. [mumbles along with Nellie] Toby toby That sucked. He didn't apologize. There's no talking to that guy. Pam pam Oh, your little feelings party didn't work out? Huh? Who won the hugging contest? Oh, let me guess. Everyone tied for first. Dwight dwight We should just take him down. Pam pam Wait. Are you saying... Dwight dwight I'm saying we should go scorched earth on that guy's face. Pam pam Normally, I find Pam to be a comforting, if unarousing, presence around the office. Like a well-watered fern. But, today, she has tapped into this vengeful, violent side. And I'm like, wow, Pam has kind of a good butt. Dwight dwight He messed with something that was important to you. We need to mess with something that's important to him. Dwight dwight Yes! Pam pam A little eye for an eye action. Dwight dwight Yes! Pam pam Go all Hammurabi on this clown. Dwight dwight We need an infiltrator. Pam pam I know just the man for the job. [looks at Clark] Dwight dwight Clark? Pam pam He even looks like a mole. Dwight dwight One of his tee shots can wipe out a whole owl population. Oscar oscar You two seem very close. Party Guest party-guest Yes. We're good friends. Good friends. Senator Lipton senator-lipton Yeah. Oscar oscar You know, I suppose that may ruffle a few feathers. For a long time, our party has turned it's back on the Hispanic people. Well, that is not who I am. [puts arms around Oscar] I am a friend of the Latino community. And if you ask me, it's time we bid bigotry hasta luego. [guests laugh] Now, does my embrace of Hispanics make me more electable? Given demographic trends? I don't know. And I don't care. What I care about is Oscar. [slaps Oscar's cheek] My friend. Mi amigo. Oscar. [guests applaud as he hugs Oscar] Senator Lipton senator-lipton Maybe I should be insulted that he only invited me here to be his token Mexican friend. But, he could of invited any number of Hispanics that he knows. His gardener, Rogelio. Or he could've invited... Rogelio. But, he chose me. Rogelio's Malaysian... The son of a bitch is Malaysian. Oscar oscar Oh, hey. Darryl darryl Hey. Jim jim I usually watch TV during my lunch breaks. It's cool? Darryl darryl Yeah. Totally. Jim jim All right. Darryl darryl [after Darryl eyes him drinking from a thermos] It's mine. Don't worry. Jim jim I didn't say anything. Darryl darryl I don't think you had to. Jim jim Excuse me? Darryl darryl I think you might be going a little crazy with this labeling thing, man. I mean, you put your name on a five pound bag of flour. Are you honestly saying that if I needed flour I couldn't use that? Jim jim What you need flour for, Jim? Darryl darryl That's not the point. Jim jim What? You making bread? Darryl darryl No, I'm not making bread. Jim jim What kind of bread you making? Pumpernickel? Darryl darryl Darryl, it doesn't matter. I think you know the point I'm trying to make. Jim jim All right, I'm being a jerk. You got me this job. I should be grateful. I am, I just... you know, I get finicky about my stuff. That's all. Darryl darryl It's all good. Are we all good? Jim jim We good. Darryl darryl What's that cooler? Jim jim Nothing. [pulls out a can of soda] It's mine. [Jim shakes his head] [after looking through DVR] What happened to my Tavis Smileys? Darryl darryl Oh, crap. Were those yours? Jim jim [pulling Clark across the parking lot] I never want to see you working in the upstairs office again. Do you hear me? Dwight dwight Well, my only crime was loving the local sports teams and trying to be one of the guys. Clark clark Silence. You'll now be working in the warehouse with the untouchables. Now, go make your hands rough with work. Dwight dwight OK, boss. [quietly] Pam, you know this is ridiculous, right? Like you're smarter than this. Clark clark Shh, shh. Pam pam This is never gonna work. Clark clark Shh. Remember your lines. Pam pam What lines? Clark clark Go move some paper! Dwight dwight [to Darryl on phone] Hey, you know that guy Frank who works in the warehouse? Pam pam He's not my hire, but I know who he is. Darryl darryl OK. What does he like? What's important to him? Does he have like a favorite pair of boots or a lunch box or... Pam pam What? Is he retiring? You getting him a gift or something? Darryl darryl Yeah, something like that. Pam pam I know he loves his pick up truck. Darryl darryl Oh, great! [to Dwight] His truck! Pam pam Great. Get the plate number. Dwight dwight OK. [to Darryl] Do you know the plate... never mind. Why would you know that? And why would I be asking that? Pam pam So we know which truck to van... Dwight dwight Hey. While I got you on the phone, your husband's like a sloppy, homeless hobo. Can you fix that? Darryl darryl Yeah. I was kinda hoping you could. I gotta go. Bye. [to Dwight] Come on. [camera pans to Clark duct taped to a chair] Pam pam Hold on a second. Uh, Sandeep? Let's get you closer to the senator. Just about there. Great. And, Oscar? I'm gonna need you to step a little closer to the senator, as well. Somewhere there. Party Photographer party-photographer He's blocking me. Angela angela It's only a photo, honey. Senator Lipton senator-lipton [to party waiter] Excuse me, uh, what's your name? Party Photographer party-photographer Sean. Party Waiter party-waiter LaShawn. Great. You wanna be in a photo? Right this way. [notices overweight man following] Not you. No. Party Photographer party-photographer He put me here. Oscar oscar He put you right in front of me? Angela angela Let's just wheel Margaret right in front... Party Photographer party-photographer Ow! Robert?! Oscar oscar Angela. Senator Lipton senator-lipton Smile. [Angela attempts to get in front of Oscar as pictures are taken] Party Photographer party-photographer I'm done. What are you... Is that supposed to be my mural? Pam pam Yeah. Frank draws a butt on your mural, I'm drawing your mural on Frank's truck's butt. Eye for an eye, mamacita. Dwight dwight Aw, Dwight. That's really sweet. Pam pam Let's see yours. Dwight dwight Oh, no. Um, I, I'm embarrassed. It's stupid. Pam pam This is amazing! Frank! And he's leaving a trail of poops? Dwight dwight Yeah. And he has saggy boobs. Pam pam I saw that. That's great! Dwight dwight Yeah. I feel better. Pam pam Good. I'm glad you feel better. This has been a wonderful day. I have to say, I like hanging out with a vengeful bitch. Dwight dwight I know. You miss Angela, don't you? Pam pam Ugh! Don't sympathize. You're ruining the mood. Back to work. Draw his penis. Dwight dwight I got back at Frank in the most fitting way possible. With my art. The paints are water-based. It's gonna come off with a hose. But, I think the lesson will last a very... Pam pam [exiting building and approaching Pam] Lady! My truck? You had no right! Frank frank No, you had no right! Pam pam It's a $40,000 truck! Frank frank So? You started it! Pam pam So? So someone need to shut you up! [attempts to attack Pam] Frank frank Hey, hey, hey! [knocks Frank down with boom microphone] Brian brian Whoa. Pam pam [as Frank gets up] Easy! [Frank grabs him] Brian brian You son of a bitch! Frank frank You're gonna hit a woman? Brian brian Thanks so much for coming. Thanks so much. [to Oscar and Angela] Well. Have we all calmed down yet? Senator Lipton senator-lipton Yes. Sorry about that. Oscar oscar It was all my fault. Angela angela Let's all try to do better next time. Kevin, great to see you. Senator Lipton senator-lipton Yeah. Thank you for the food. Oh, and also, you suck. Kevin kevin I beg your pardon. Senator Lipton senator-lipton You are like a terrible person. These guys care about you and you're just using them. Again, the food was very good. [Oscar and Angela exit looking pleased] Kevin kevin Well, I'm gonna say something to the producers. Pam pam No. No, it's... Brian brian You shouldn't be fired. I mean, you were just protecting me. Pam pam It's all good. I knew what I was doing. It's... I'm sorry about your mural, though. I mean, because you put so much into that. Brian brian Forget about my mural. It's stupid. Pam pam No. You, you worked hard on that. That guy's an animal. I'm glad they're firing him too. Brian brian It's crazy. Brian, I'm so sorry. Pam pam Look. I don't, I don't wanna put myself where I don't belong. If you ever need me, you just call me. And I'll be there for you. Brian brian Thanks, Brian. Pam pam Seeya. Brian brian Wow. This whole Philly thing has been so much fun that I may have lost sight of what really matters. I mean, having fun is not nearly as important as being good to the people who you really care about. I mean, that's just 'Roommates 101'. Jim jim [playing video game with Jim] Oh. Come on! Darryl darryl Oh. Oh! Jim jim Damn! Darryl darryl [imitating game announcer] You win. [Darryl throws empty can on floor] How good did that feel? Jim jim That felt really good, actually. Darryl darryl