[exiting office] Everyone stop what you're doing, I have terrible news. Dwight is no longer with us. Andy andy [gasps] What?! Why is that? Everyone everyone He's gone, damn it! He's been promoted to VP of Sabre Retail and he's staying in Florida forever. Andy andy So, he's alive. Angela angela Yeah. That was him on the phone. He sounds wonderful. Andy andy Well, the way you said it made it sound like he was dead. Angela angela How could I have been more clear? He had a massive stroke [slight pause] of good fortune and he is now in a better place. Andy andy If Dwight's not coming back, does that mean we can open his treasure? Phyllis phyllis You guys, we've gone over this, there is no treasure. [Erin retrieves the "treasure box" and slams it down on Dwight's desk] Oscar oscar When the team left for Tallahassee, Dwight told everyone not to touch his treasure. [cut to Dwight holding treasure chest and telling the office "Don't touch my treasure. Ok, you understand?"] Obviously he wants us to obsess about it. There's nothing in there. [has realization] Which is obviously what he would want us to think, making it the perfect place to hide a treasure. Oh god, I'm Wallace Shawn in The Princess Bride. Oscar oscar I think that Dwight wanted us to realize that this conversation among friends is the true treasure. [everyone disagrees] Andy andy I am dying to know what's in there. Oscar oscar Yeah, I know, Oscar we all are but nobody's gonna open it. You'd have to be insane. [everyone turns to look at Creed] Andy andy Hi, hello. Creed creed [to Creed standing in front of the "treasure box"] Now, carefully... open the box. Andy andy [opens box, pulls out and displays contents] It's a photo of all of us. Creed creed Aw, that's so sweet! [dart fires out of box and lodges in ceiling] Pam pam [feigning surprise] A dart? Are you kidding me? Who would put a poison dart, well, I mean, I don't know that it's poison. I mean, I just have to imagine. God, I'm glad he's OK though. Kinda sounds like he deserved it, opening another man's treasure and all. Wow! Dwight dwight [on a golf course] Well, mister ball, it's been a pleasure. Now, give my regards to hell. Da! [hits ball] Dwight dwight Oh, all right! Well swung my VIP VP. Nellie nellie I am loving the chemistry between you two. Robert robert I am so happy Dwight is gonna be working alongside me. We are a regular Archibald and his man George. Nellie nellie I bet. I'm excited. Robert robert Trick... there's no such thing. It's not even a real English duo. Nellie nellie Ah! Dwight dwight I just made you look like the goat of Dover. And that doesn't exist either. Nellie nellie [to Robert] You think you're excited? You should feel my nipples. [Robert gives a fake laugh] Dwight dwight Oh, that reminds me. [reaching into golf cart] Little something from all of us. [hand Dwight a small wrapped gift] Jim jim [sarcastically] Oh my gosh, thank you Jim, that's so thoughtful. [sets gift on golf tee] Four! [smashes gift] Oh yeah! Dwight dwight He doesn't even care. Nellie nellie Don't even care! Dwight dwight This is the last time I'll ever see Dwight. It's a weird feeling, it's, um, what's the word? It's not, it's not bittersweet. It's uh... sweet. Yeah. Jim jim [entering Andy's office] Hey, man. Selling cookies for Jada. Want the same as last year? Darryl darryl Would if I could. And I can so I will. Put me down for one box. Don't care what it is, dealer's choice. Andy andy I'll put you down for shortbreads. Darryl darryl Damn it. Andy andy [entering Andy's office] Knock, knock. Hey, Sasha's first year in the troops, so I'm selling cookies for her. Anyway, would you like some? Toby toby No. No. Darryl darryl What? Toby toby I been selling here for five years. This is my spot. Darryl darryl You can't claim territories. This is the only place I interact with people. Can't you sell at your church or barber shop? [Darryl looks hurt] Or chess club, or? Toby toby You know what? It's your first time, let's split the office. You can have sales, the annex, Creed, and I don't know I'll just take, uh, accounting. Darryl darryl That's it? Yeah, well, ok. Thanks Darryl. Toby toby OK, great. Darryl darryl [exits Andy's office smiling] All I need is Kevin. Dude buys more cookies than everyone combined and then some. [Kevin waves at him] When I first started selling cookies he was a relatively thin man. Not a thin man, mind you. Relatively thin. Darryl darryl [entering a home carrying groceries] Hellosi, I'm home, babaloo. Erin erin [rises from chair] Oh, here let me help. Elderly Woman elderly-woman [spilling groceries] I got it. It was so busy at the store today. Really good cheese samples. I had, like, a hundred. Erin erin Irene hired me as her live-in helper. We met at the store launch. I told her I was moving here and I needed a place and it just sort of made sense. I basically do everything for her. [Erin randomly adds an assortment of pills to a weekly pill box] I run errands. I do chores around the house. I cook and clean. Honestly, I don't know how she survived without me. Erin erin When can I introduce you to my grandson? He's a wonderful swimmer. Shallow end, deep end. He does it all. Irene irene Well, today might be kind of tough, Irene. I have to talk to my old boss, Andy, and tell him I'm staying in Florida. [hands Irene a mug] Erin erin [takes mug] Thank you. [takes a sip] Oh, what kind of tea is this? Irene irene Oh, I boiled some Gatorade. Erin erin [misses putt] Ah. In England, they put the holes a little bit to the right, you see. We'll just chalk it up to cultural bias. Nellie nellie If I may, [assists Nellie] try holding the putter... yeah, with your wrists here. And your thumbs here. Robert robert Oh. Nellie nellie That's right. Your little finger. Robert robert [approaches Kevin] Would you like to buy some cookies? Darryl darryl Cookies, eh? Kevin kevin [singing] Oh, the springtime thinks that it's the best. And fall time thinks that it's the best. Cold time has, kind of a strut. And Valentine's thinks that it's the best. But gather round, peeps, I'll tell you the truth. Nothing beats the cookie season, that's the truth. Kevin kevin [Kevin scratches cookie order form and sniffs it] It's not a scratch-and-sniff, Kev. Darryl darryl I know. But sometimes you still get a little something. Kevin kevin [to Darryl] Hey, you tricked me. You just wanted Kevin. Toby toby You're new to the game. You learned a lesson today. See you next year, sport. Darryl darryl No, no, no. It's not fair. What if Kevin wants to buy cookies from me? Toby toby I do. Kevin kevin See? Toby toby That doesn't mean anything. [to Kevin] Kevin, do you want to buy cookies from me? Darryl darryl Oh, I definitely do. Kevin kevin [to Toby] Huh. Hit the road, jack. Darryl darryl No, you hit the road, jack. Toby toby [looking pleased] Hey guys, come on. Don't fight over me. Kevin kevin You know, why don't we split the order? It's only fair. Toby toby No. Wait, no. I'm buying, I make the rules. I actually do want you to fight over me. I wanna be wined and dined and... 69ed. Kevin kevin Ugh. Angela angela Metaphorically 69ed. Ew. Perverts... no offence Oscar. [Oscar looks flabbergasted] Kevin kevin Hop in, we have places to be. No rest for the wicked. Nellie nellie [to Dwight] All right. So... I guess this is it. Jim jim Well, Jim, I just want to say that we haven't always got along and at times, I've even hated your guts. But...[smiles] bye, bye. I win. Dwight dwight [attempts to shake Dwight's hand] Goodbye, Dwight. Jim jim [drops golf ball into Jim's open hand] Robert, race you to the clubhouse, gentlemen's bet. Woohoo! [takes off in golf cart] Dwight dwight Well, he's Florida's problem now. Jim jim I'll let Dwight have his fun. Today will not be his day. Robert robert What's that? Jim jim I'm gonna tank the Sabre store at the presentation to the board. Robert robert I thought you liked the store? Jim jim Well, the store is lovely. You created a wonderful space to showcase our product line. Great job. Cheers. Robert robert Thank you. Jim jim But, there's a reason we sell our products online and over-the-phone. Have you ever used Sabre electronics, Jim? [Jim shakes head] They're cheap. They're unintuitive. The Sabre store would work if we adopted the carnival model of leaving town once everyone's wives do us. Robert robert Wow. When you put it that way, I guess it does sound pretty terrible. Jim jim I couldn't just kill the project from the start. Jo Bennett endorsed it. Shame though, I did like Dwight. Robert robert [from distanced golf cart] Robert! I'm gonna win, ha ha, I'm the gentleman! Suck it! Dwight dwight [to Dwight] Bravo, Dwight! Very good! [Jim looks surprised] [to Jim] Shame. Robert robert [at Sabre headquarters] The math is simple folks. Deeper market penetration, plus greater visibility, will raise Sabre [Nellie emerges from behind Dwight] [together] to the power of two. Dwight dwight How did that look? Nellie nellie I'm not just saying this, that was the best thing I've ever seen. Gabe gabe [to Nellie] I told you. Dwight dwight When you guys do that whole power of two shebang, how 'bout I pop up also? I guess we'd have to say 'power of three'. Hm, actually, you know what, yeah, that actually works. [to Nellie] You'd spin off right. I'd spin off- Todd Packer todd-packer You know what? That is a great idea. Cathy, write that down and print it out. It's gonna make some really good toilet paper. Dwight dwight [enters room] All right. There he is. Jim jim What are you doing here? I thought I got rid of you? Dwight dwight Can I just talk to you for one quick second? Jim jim What, your stylist ran out of 'messy spray'? [others laugh] Dwight dwight Um, actually it's, it's for your own good. I think maybe we should- [gestures toward hallway] Jim jim You want to do something for my own good? Turn around, walk out that door, do not stop 'til you get to Scranton, find my cell phone charger, mail it back to me, and then go hell. [others laugh] Dwight dwight Nice. [To Jim] Hey, Halpert, anyone ever tell you you look like Wooly Willy? Todd Packer todd-packer [to Packer] Silence. Dwight dwight Aw, I'm just trying to- Todd Packer todd-packer [interrupts] I know what you're trying to do, I don't want it. [to Jim] But your face does look like the guy from Operation. Dwight dwight That's... that's the same guy. It's the joke I made. Todd Packer todd-packer Different guy. Dwight dwight You know, I just think you should know that- Jim jim [interrupts] That you look like the world's tallest hobbit. [others laugh] Dwight dwight Well, I tried. [gestures the meeting room] You saw it, so, it's on the record. I have a plane to catch. Jim jim Can you help me? I'm trying to make a video chat with Andy. Erin erin Just open the program and type in his user name. Irene irene Can you just do it? Erin erin [after briefly typing] Here, type in your password. Irene irene 'Erin123' Erin erin That's a terrible password. And you don't 'make a video chat', you video chat. Irene irene [annoyed] All right. Erin erin Hello? Andy andy That's so weird. There's something wrong with my laptop. [turns laptop on its side] Oh. I fixed it. Erin erin Oh, now mine's broken. Hang on. [turns his laptop on its side while lying on desk] Oh, there we go. Andy andy [on phone with Jim] He said, 'I did like Dwight'? He's gonna fire him. Pam pam No, no, I think it was more like, 'you know, I liked him, but I don't anymore because he did a bad job, so I'm definitely gonna yell at him'. Jim jim Robert doesn't talk like that. You have to stop Dwight from doing this. Pam pam I tried. He will not listen. Jim jim Did you actually try your hardest? Pam pam Yes... my pretty hardest. Look, you haven't dealt with him in awhile, all right. He's like super Dwight. It's like he's been bitten by a radioactive Dwight, or som- Stanley, back me up. Jim jim Don't talk to me. Stanley stanley Stanley's very upset that we're leaving Florida. But he would back me up. Jim jim If Dwight's about to get fired, you have to tell him. Just get the words out. That's all you can do. Pam pam OK. All right. Jim jim [to Kevin] What's a skinny guy like Toby know about cookies? You can't trust him to understand the wants and needs of the thick man. Maybe Toby from two years ago. Darryl darryl [laughs] Yeah. Phyllis phyllis That's true. If I have a question about my cookies at midnight, who am I gonna call? Darryl. Toby's probably in bed with some model. Kevin kevin Thank you. Darryl darryl I'm, I'm not gonna comment on my personal life. Toby toby Look, I need this. Ok? Your daughter is a pretty little girl. Let her go door-to-door. You think people gonna buy cookies from my [hesitates] chubby daughter? Darryl darryl Oh. [looks away] Phyllis phyllis Baby, if you're watching this, you're not chubby, you're beautiful. Daddy's just got to sell some cookies. And we're also gonna exercise more. It's gonna be fun. Darryl darryl [to Kevin] Oh, you know what you have to do? To decide? You need to make them do things for you. And, like, buy you things. Kelly kelly Or have them sing that song! That the frog does in Looney Tunes. Pam pam Make them kiss each other. Phyllis phyllis Make them kiss me. [everyone 'ew's] [Toby and Darryl look at each other] Meredith meredith Yes, this is too tan. This right here- Erin erin No. Andy andy This is a tanned spot. Erin erin I don't buy it. It, that is a freckle. That is not a tan, ok? I'm gonna have to inspect it in person when you get back here. I want you looking totally 'puerto ricania' when i see you. Andy andy Well, Andy, I'm not coming back. Erin erin What? Andy andy I have a job here. I work for an old lady. [turns laptop to put Irene into view] Erin erin [waves] Hello! Irene irene Andy? Erin erin Yeah, that's awesome. That's great. Andy andy [Toby and Darryl perform Hello! Ma Baby] This is tough. 'Cause Darryl, you sang better and you dance better but Toby has that indescribable quality that makes a star. I think I've reached my decision. I have decided... that you guys are gonna keep doing things for me. Kevin kevin No, no, no, no. It's not worth it. Darryl darryl No. Toby toby No, it's not worth it? That's too bad. 'Cause I was feeling particularly hungry this year. Kevin kevin Yeah, ok so what, you buy 40 boxes? Darryl darryl Hungrier. Kevin kevin 50? Toby toby Hungrier. Kevin kevin You're not talking... triple digits? Darryl darryl Oh yeah, I'm talking triple digits. [folds arms satisfied while Toby and Darryl look at each other] Again. [both start performing Hello! Ma Baby again] Kevin kevin [straightens tie in mirror] Showtime. Dwight dwight [enters abruptly] Dwight. Jim jim You again? Gosh, I keep throwing you away, you keep flying back here. You're like an Amish return stick. Dwight dwight OK, great, listen to me. Listen to me. [Dwight makes funny gesture] No, no, I know. Will you just let me tell you one thing, please? Jim jim Yes, you may tell me one thing. Wait, you want to borrow money? Dwight dwight Listen to me. Robert is going to veto the Sabre store. Jim jim [rolls eyes] Jim, come on. Dwight dwight Dwight, he's gonna kill the store. Jim jim Uh-huh. Dwight dwight And then, I'm pretty sure he's gonna fire you for it. Jim jim Wait. [holds up fingers] He's gonna kill the store? And he's gonna fire me? Dwight dwight Yes. Jim jim [smiles] That's two things. Dwight dwight Dwight, please. Jim jim Nice try, Jim. Your pranks have never worked in the past and they're not going to work today. Dwight dwight OK, first of all, they've mostly worked, so- Jim jim You know what? You might want to get to the airport. It's gonna take you a long time to get through security with all those beauty products. Bye. Dwight dwight Dwight, come o- Jim jim Nothing is gonna stop me. That is the mark of a great man. Unstoppability. Dunder-Mifflin, the farm, Mose, all those things vanish in my rearview mirror. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with destiny. And from what I hear, she's a slu- Ah![Jim tackles Dwight] Dwight dwight [Jim holds him back and tries to cover his mouth] Help! Help! Dwight dwight Gross! Don't lick my hand! God, why is there so much saliva? Jim jim AlI had to do was think about pie and my salivary glands did the rest. Dwight dwight Gross! Jim jim [attempting to break from Jim's grasp] Ah! Dwight dwight What? What, what, what, what, what? Jim jim [clutching side] Oh, god! You... oh! My appendix- Dwight dwight I'm sorry. Jim jim My wound hasn't healed yet. Dwight dwight I'm so sorry, I forgot. Jim jim Oh, man! Dwight dwight You all right? You ok? Jim jim [stops whining and charges Jim] Rrrah! Dwight dwight [to Cathy] Where the hell is he? I cannot do this without him. Nellie nellie I don't know. He's not picking up. Cathy cathy Well, looks like Shnoot's a no-show. Guess he wasn't vice presy material after all. But I am. Put me in, babe. I got the info down backwards, forwards, and doggy-style. I'm your man. Todd Packer todd-packer [considers and decides on Packer] Right, let's begin then. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce the vice president of Sabre Retail, Mr. Todd Packer. Nellie nellie Sup? Todd Packer todd-packer [notices Andy boxing up things from Erin's desk] What are you doing? Phyllis phyllis I'm just dealing with Erin's stuff since apparently she's not coming back. And she didn't bother to tell anyone. Andy andy We knew. Ryan told us. Oscar oscar Ryan, why didn't you tell me? Andy andy Thought you checker my Tumblr? Ryan ryan You never update it. Andy andy Well, I updated it. Ryan ryan Does anyone else think this is weird? And like, kind of uncool, actually? To leave us without a receptionist? Andy andy We'll find another receptionist. I mean, that's easy. We'll be fine. [Andy nods reluctantly] Pam pam [trying to get around Jim] Huh, huh, huh! [slides between Jim's legs] Dwight dwight What are you doing? Jim jim I was trying to go- Dwight dwight Get up. Jim jim Ok, ok. Dwight dwight Get up. All right? I'm not gonna let you by. Jim jim Then you know what? I'm just gonna have to run right through you. Dwight dwight OK. [Dwight runs in place] What are you doing? Are you really revving up? you know that doesn't work. Jim jim [tries to jump off wall] Jackie Chan! [falls and groans] Dwight dwight [holding mobile phone up] Go. Kevin kevin [in a feminine voice] Hi. This is Alex. Darryl darryl [in feminine voice] And this is Sam. Toby toby [in a feminine voice] Kevin can't come to the phone right now because he's busy with us. Darryl darryl Perfect! Now people will think I'm doing hot girls all day. Kevin kevin I don't know, man, they might think we're drag queens. Darryl darryl Yeah, I don't know why you picked names that are also guys' names. Toby toby Okay, now who do I ride to the kitchen like a pony? Kevin kevin Don't make me be your pony, Kevin. Toby toby Forget it, man. Darryl darryl What do you mean? Kevin kevin I'm out. And so is Toby. Darryl darryl This may be wrong. But there's a limit to what I would do for my child. Darryl darryl Yeah. I have my dignity too. I refuse to be another man's horsey. Toby toby No guys, stop! You have to sell me cookies. I'll do anything. [starts performing Hello! Ma Baby] I'm even gonna kiss Meredith. [kisses Meredith] That is... hmph... that's ah... so good. [almost in tears Meredith pulls him toward her by his tie] Kevin kevin [tackled by Dwight] What are you doing? No. No, no, no. Jim jim This. Ends. Now. Dwight dwight This is dangerous. Jim jim [picks Jim up] Rrahh! [both fall] Dwight dwight Why? Jim jim Anything else you need to talk about? Dwight dwight Nope. I think that was it. [Dwight gets up and walks away] Jim jim [looking disheveled in mirror] Once again, it's show time. Dwight dwight What baffles me is how you could take a perfectly good idea, [Dwight enters] which the great Jo Bennett rightfully signed off on, and then utterly botch it in execution. Robert robert If I may speak to that, I have only been vice president of this project for the last half hour, so the man you want is Dwight Shrute. Todd Packer todd-packer I don't see Dwight. He clearly had the infinite wisdom to stay as far away from this clown show as possible. Robert robert Whatever you do, do not blame Todd Packer. It is not his fault. Blame his upbringing, his parents, the society that would mold this idiotic creature. Fire the employee, yes... but not the man. You may not cancel his soul. Nellie nellie That was never on the table. Robert robert [to Nellie] Are you kidding? [to Robert] She's the queen of the whole freaking Magilla! Todd Packer todd-packer And yet Todd, it's you who's fired. Robert robert What, you, I, I can't get fired. I'm an institution. I have been at this company for 20 years. How many of you have been here that long, huh? [Dwight exits meeting room and helps Jim up] Todd Packer todd-packer [Dwight and Jim enter office] Hey, hey. They're back. [Everyone greets them] Darryl darryl Dwight, what are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be in Florida? Kelly kelly Yeah, the crazy thing about that is, um, wow you look great. Did you lose some weight? Jim jim Thank you, for someone who actually notices this. No, I didn't lose weight. But I started using my makeup to contour my face to look skinnier. I actually put on five pounds. Kelly kelly [to Stanley] Hey! Good to have you back. Phyllis phyllis [insincerely] Good to be back. Stanley stanley [to Jim] Hey, stranger! Pam pam Hey. Jim jim Aw, I missed you. Pam pam I missed you. [they embrace and kiss as Andy watches on sadly] Jim jim Aw. Pam pam I'm going to Florida to get Erin. [grabs coat, runs out, then returns] Forgot to turn off my email. It's crazy, right? It's just, when she said she was leaving, I felt so- [looks at computer frustrated] 'You're about to close four tabs, are you sure you want to continue?' Yes. I am sure. Ah, slow computer! Andy andy