[lights and power go off] Uh-Oh. Okay, okay, nobody panic. Listen Up, listen up. [Turns On Flashlight and holds it to his face] Everyone, follow me to the shelter. We've got enough food for 14 days. After that, we have a difficult conversation. Dwight dwight [as the power and lights come back on] My Bad. Space Heater and Fan were both on high, plugged into the same outlet. Michael michael Uh, it's saying the server went down? Does Anybody know that password? 'Cause otherwise we can't do any work. Jim jim Uh... try "password". Michael michael Nope. Jim jim Try zero, Zero, Zero, Zero, zero, zero. Dwight dwight No. Jim jim Okay, now try Zero, Zero, Zero, Zero, zero, one. Dwight dwight Okay, I'm not doing every number. Jim jim Wait, um, does anyone remember when it was set up? Pam pam Uh... it was like eight years ago? Michael michael Lord of the Ring stuff? I don't know, I'm just trying to think of things that were happening at the time. Pam pam Um, everyone was getting their driver's license. Erin erin Why don't we just call the I.T. Guy who set it up? What's the name of the guy in Glasses, again? Jim jim Okay, moving backwards, our I.T. Guys have been... Glasses, Turban, Ear Hair, Fatty 3, Shorts, Fatty 2, Lozenge, and Fatso. I think Lozenge was the one who installed it. Michael michael I got it, try, um-[Coughs] Andy andy You know what? It made me laugh when I heard it, but Pam got really offended. Michael michael Big Boobs. Kevin kevin Drama Queen? Meredith meredith Nosy? Angela angela You're typing "Big Boobs"? Pam pam I'm trying everything. Jim jim Try "Big Boobs" with a "Z". Dwight dwight That's- [ding] the password. We're in. Jim jim All Right Dwight dwight Wow. Kevin kevin Yes. Dwight dwight The important thing is... this kept us secure people. Michael michael Morning. Michael michael How's It Going? Ryan ryan Hey, I'm WUPHF. Ryan ryan [wearing Ryan's glasses] I'm Facebook. Michael michael What's up Facebook? Ryan ryan I sent you a Facebook message yesterday, I still haven't heard anything back. Michael michael You should've sent me a WUPHF. Ryan ryan A what? Michael michael [pulls out Blackberry] When you send a WUPHF, it goes to your home phone, Email, Facebook, Twitter and homescreen. All at the same time. [phone rings, computer chimes, printer starts up] Ryan ryan WUPHF. Robotic Voice robotic-voice WUPHF! {Ryan} and {Michael} ryan michael Dot com! Michael michael [getting copies from the color copier behind the receptionist desk] Thanks Erin. Ryan ryan Sure. Erin erin Pam. Erin erin Mm-Hmm? Pam pam I don't wanna be a lousy snitch. Erin erin Okay. Pam pam Ryan has been using the color printer for his business a lot, and as Office Administrator- Erin erin Oh, it's okay. Pam pam But it's not for- Erin erin Let it go. Pam pam Yes, I invested in WUPHF. It's actually a great idea and I can't believe it didn't exist before. And I know Ryan's kind of a sketchy guy, but hey, I married Jim. I've done my part for the nice guy. Now I want a bedroom set. Pam pam I think an investor's ski trip is the best idea. It will be a bonding experience. Michael michael I love it. Ryan ryan I was looking at a trail map, and I was thinking that we should start on a bunny hill, because I've never actually been skiing. And then work our way up to death drop. Michael michael Great, so we got our first offer to buy the company. Ryan ryan Your kidding?! Michael michael We could sell, but why think so small? We can just get a couple more people involved, really do this thing our way. Ryan ryan You and me. Michael michael New Investors are key, though. That's actually why I came in today. Ryan ryan Don't you work here full-time? Michael michael [chuckles] Today, I was thinking I would sit down with a few of the people who haven't invested yet. Ryan ryan Mm-Hmm. Michael michael Or we could do that together, if that sounds fun to you. Ryan ryan That does sound fun to me. Michael michael Awesome. Ryan ryan [out in the parking lot with a guy unloading hay bales while Dwight sifts through the hay] Ah, this is good hay. Yeah. This is the good stuff, mattress quality. Dwight dwight Every fall, my Uncle Eldred used to build us a maze out of hay bales for us kids to play in. We called it "Hay Place". Eldred Called it "Hay World". Eventually lawyers were brought in. But that's all behind us. Hay Place lives on! [guy comes and sticks a Bale of Hay right behing Dwight and knocks it into Dwight] Watch it, watch it. Dwight dwight Hello! Welcome to Hay Place! A place for hay. Dwight dwight Don't forget to make a broom. Guy guy Oh, and the Petting Zoo closes at 2:00, and the Goat Roast is at 3:00. Come on in, enjoy! Dwight dwight Hey, I'm kind of in the mood for a roll in the hay. Angela angela Roll in the hay, five dollars. Dwight dwight No, I meant... [motions you and me] Angela angela Oh, our contract. Dwight dwight Mm-Hmm. Angela angela Yes, why don't we meet at the usual spot. [looks at his watch] Uh... I've got a half an hour during lunch in-between the historical reenactment of the dunmore farm slaughters and the onion boil. Dwight dwight Perfect! Angela angela So, uh... [notices a kid walking on a bale of hay] Excuse me, get off of there! Those are show bales, not play bales. Dwight dwight [on phone] All right, Thank you, I will-I will send the contracts over right away. All Right. [hangs up the phone and rubs his eyes] Whoo! [Erin jumps in the background] Jim jim I am on the first hot sale streak of my life. I think it all comes from feeding Cece, because no matter how much she resists, I sell her those carrots. Let's be honest-if I can make mushed carrots seem better than a boob... I can pretty much sell anything. [laughs] Jim jim Commission comes out to... dunh-duh-na-dah! Zero. Kevin kevin Mm-Kay, Well, it can't be zero, Kev. Jim jim I entered the sale, and I hit enter, and I said, "dunh-duh-na-dah!" I'm pretty sure I timesed it right. Kevin kevin You met your commission cap last week. So from here until the end of the fiscal year, your commission will be zero. Angela angela What are you talking about? We-we have a commission cap? Jim jim It's a new corporate policy. Angela angela Dunh-duh-na-dah! Kevin kevin Is this job really about the money for you, Jim? I mean, isn't this where you fell in love? Gabe gabe A commission cap takes away my incentive to sell. So you realize I now have no reason to work, right? Jim jim When you're dealing with a large organization, sometimes you have to put up with policies you don't like. I wish my gym didn't allow full nudity in the locker room. Okay, seeing these old guys walking around naked feels almost passive-aggressive. But I deal with it. 'Cause it's policy. See what I mean? Gabe gabe Nope. Jim jim Nudity makes me uncomfortable. Gabe gabe Okay. Jim jim My gym allows it. I wish they didn't, but it's policy. So I respect it, and I just-[put's his hands cupped by his face and turns away] keep a low-you know, I look away. Think about your commission cap as a naked old man in a gym locker room. Gabe gabe Excuse me, everyone... SEX! Now that I have your attention... Michael michael You don't have our attention. Stanley stanley MONEY! Michael michael I'm listening. Stanley stanley You had me at "Sex." Kevin kevin Pervert. Michael michael You have all of our attention just by screaming anything. Phyllis phyllis That's good to know. [screams] Michael michael What do you want to say, Michael? Pam pam Wuphf! All right, I've warmed them up for you. You have the floor, Ryan. Michael michael How's everybody doing?! Ryan ryan Whoo! Michael michael Good! Now, a lot of you have already staked out your corner of the WUPHF empire. Raise your hand if I'm describing you. [Michael, Pam, Daryl, and Stanley raise their hands] Ryan ryan Yes, I have a dream. And It's not some M.L.K. Dream for Equality. I want to own a decommissioned Lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there's a button that I can press, and it'll launch that lighthouse into space. Stanley stanley For my current investors, things are going great. Ryan ryan We already have a buyer. Michael michael Really?! Who?! Pam pam Washington University. I don't even want to think about selling until our numbers get into the billions. Ryan ryan At least. Michael michael So I've decided to open up a second round of investment to friends and family. Ryan ryan Oh, God. Hold on to your wallets, ladies. Phyllis phyllis Did you ever think of WUPHF as an emergency notification system, like, for college campuses with shooters or gas leaks? Oscar oscar No, no-Oscar, it's not-it's not a digital rape whistle. WUPHF is about fun. Ryan ryan That's right! Michael michael Fun, communication, connection. Ryan ryan What's your money situation? Oscar oscar Well, it's tight, as with any start-up. Ryan ryan Sure, how long can you sustain this without a cash infusion? Oscar oscar We have nine solid days. I love these questions. Keep 'em coming. Ryan ryan I'm sorry, nine days until what? Andy andy Bankruptcy? Oscar oscar Wait, Ryan, so this could be over by the weekend? Michael michael How long do you think a week is? Oscar oscar No, not this weekend; next weekend. We were gonna go on the investors ski trip. I bought poles. Michael michael Well, since I have no incentive to sell, I've cleaned my car, organized my desk, and taken a multivitamin. So... what now? Jim jim Pam. Okay, now I've tried everything. Jim jim Did you prank Dwight? Pam pam No. Jim jim Well, you like that. Pam pam Yeah, it's not as fun if I'm not blowing off work. Jim jim I love you, but I'm kinda busy. So I need you to figure this one out on your own. Pam pam [blows a raspberry, Erin looks shocked, Kevin chuckles] Jim jim Oscar said WUPHF only has enough money for nine days. Pam pam [colorful poster with numbers] Check this out. Ryan ryan All that color. Erin erin Look at that. Triple your investment by January. Michael michael Anyone can just throw numbes up on a chart. What are you doing to make it happen? Andy andy Well, earlier today, I was emailing someone by the name of John Legend. Ryan ryan There you go. Michael michael You have his email? Andy andy A lot of these guys are just Mac.com, @ their website, whatever. We get that guy WUPHFing, it's all over. Ryan ryan I want my money back. Stanley stanley Do not talk like that, Stanley. Michael michael Ryan, just tell us your plan. Pam pam Okay, all right. I know what you wanna see. I'll be right back. Ryan ryan [hits the back of a Dunder-Mifflin Delivery Truck with his hand] Hey kids, was that fun? Dwight dwight Yeah! Kids kids All Right! Dwight dwight I wanna go on it again. Kid kid Oh, I bet you do. You know what? When I was a little kid, they couldn't get me off the hayride! But it's gonna cost you three more bucks. [kid gives him three more bucks] Dwight dwight Wow! This brings back memories. Hay stacking, hay throwing... and at the end of it all, one lucky boy would be crowned Hay King. I always wanted to be Hay King. The world shines on Mose. Dwight dwight [waiting for Dwight at their meeting place, slams the door shut] Angela angela Where have you been?! I've been waiting. Angela angela Uh, can we move this to the end of the day? Dwight dwight No, I-I think you should make time for it. Angela angela I found the needle in the haystack! Little Girl little-girl Hey, congratulations! Do you know what your prize is? Dwight dwight I don't know! Little Girl little-girl Nothing. Life Lesson? Some tasks are not worth doing. Dwight dwight Dwight? Angela angela WUPHF T-Shirts. Who wants one? Just imagine that you're at spring break, Daytona Beach. Ryan ryan Here we go. Michael michael Everyone's like, "Hey Dude, whats up with all the hotties in the WUPHF shirts?" Or, Uh, "Hey, what's up with that helicopter? It's Ry from WUPHF!" Ryan ryan "It's Ryan the WUPHF guy!" Michael michael "Yo, Ry from WUPHF!" Ryan ryan "He's up there." Michael michael "What's he dropping?! Wow, what's falling on us, man?!" WUPHF condoms! 50,000 condoms out of the sky! Ryan ryan Look at that! He threw 'em on the ground! Michael michael Look, this is a marketing campgain. You got nine days. Let's say you do get the money. What are you going to do with it? Darryl darryl The first lesson of Silicon Valley, actually, is that you only think about the user, the experience. You actually don't think about the money. Ever. Ryan ryan That sounds weird. Andy andy No, it's not weird, Andy, and you know what else? We have an offer from Washington University. So monetize that. Michael michael [walks in] Are you guys meeting about WUPHF? You know that that was my idea, right? Kelly kelly I said to Ryan, "I try to call you, and you don't have your phone. I try to I.M. You, and you're not online. I wish there was a way that I could do everything all at once, and I could just be like this little dog going, 'Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff! Ruff!'" Kelly kelly Baby, Baby, Baby- Ryan ryan I think I'm gonna stay here. Kelly kelly No, no, no, no, no. Ryan ryan I do, I do. This isn't right. Kelly kelly I help you with your things and you help me with my things. Ryan ryan But I-it's not right. Kelly kelly [whispering] I got this, it's okay. Don't worry about this. Ryan ryan Is it any particular branch of Washington University? Darryl darryl The Washington University Public Health Fund. Ryan ryan W.U.P.H.F. Darryl darryl Oh, God! Pam pam They only want it for the initials. Darryl darryl The domain name. Yeah, they do. Ryan ryan I move we sell! Pam pam What? Michael michael Yeah, sell! Darryl darryl Yeah, sell. Andy andy Sell. Pam pam Get us out of this! Stanley stanley Have some faith in this idea! Ryan ryan If everybody wants to sell, we sell, right? Darryl darryl I won't sell. And you know what? Ryan and I have the majority of shares. Isn't that right? Michael michael Yes. You alone do, actually. Ryan ryan I-yes. We're not selling. I will not sell. Michael michael [runs to and inside the Hay Place maze] Awesome! Kevin kevin Do you mind if we share this bale? Man man Sure. Angela angela There's no charge to sit on the hay, is there? Man man Probably. Angela angela I mean, wouldn't you think the ten dollars to build your own broom would include the hay and not just the instructions? Man man Mm-Hmm. Angela angela I mean, I'm starting to think this guy is just trying to make money off the holiday. Man man Yeah, instead of Hay Place, it should be pay place. [man laughs] Don't laugh at me. Angela angela No, no, no, I wasn't-I was just laughing at your joke. Man man Oh. Angela angela Pay Place. Man man Mm. Yeah, so we can celebrate Thanksgiving-Me-Your-Money Day. [both laugh] Angela angela That's humorous. Man man Thank You. Angela angela [stuck in the maze, says to some kids running around in the maze] You guys know how to get out? [kids run away screaming] Kevin kevin Hi, Michael. Pam pam Can't talk, saving the planet. Michael michael Oh, we don't recycle. Pam pam We Don't? Well, why have I been separating the trash into whites and colors? Michael michael I'm sure no one asked you to do that. Pam pam [throws the sack of garbage onto the floor] Eight Years. Michael michael Listen, I know you really like Ryan- Pam pam No, I won't even consider it. Michael michael Michael, I... [sits down] I hate to say this, but... you know this special bond that you've always felt with Ryan, where, like, you're best friends or you're his mentor or something? Pam pam Right, Yes, yeah. Best friend/mentor. Michael michael Michael, I think that feeling only goes one way. And I think that Ryan knows that, and he's taking advantage of you. Pam pam I think you are wrong. Michael michael And there are a lot of other people in this office who have money at stake. Other people you care about. Pam pam You may be right. I may be crazy. Michael michael Don't. Pam pam I'm just saying that I think I agree with your point. Michael michael Yeah, but in a jokey way where you're gonna start singing. Pam pam I thought it might make me feel better. Michael michael Okay. Go Ahead. Pam pam [singing] But it just may be a lunatic... [stops singing] No. Michael michael [hovering over Meredith's desk] Oh, nice, wasting time, here we go. Jim jim Hey, back off. It's Solitare. Meredith meredith Hey, kid-hear you're looking for work. Creed creed Talk to me. Jim jim How far can you reach those Lovely long arms of yours? [Jim reaching his arms out as far as he can go] Eh, put 'em down. How long can you hold that pretty little breath of yours? [Jim inhales] Good. Creed creed Hey, Jim? Are you distracting these people? Gabe gabe We're working. [Jim still holding his breath] Creed creed Can you at least try to look busy? [Jim Exhales] Gabe gabe [listening to and editing Jo's book on tape] Jim jim "The moment Darla put the cupcake in her mouth, her daddy pulled her aside and said, "You're Too Fat. No one's gonna like you if you're too fat." The next time I saw David Geffen was at the buffalo club. "I love you, you Gay Bastard," I said. "You Gay Bastard," I s-. "Gay Ba-" "Gay B-"" Jo jo Michael, how's it going, bro? Ryan ryan Good, good, bro. Michael michael Hey, thanks so much for having my back out there. Ryan ryan Always have your back. So, any ideas on how we can get over this nine-day hump here? Michael michael I have nothing but ideas. The thing is, they all require money. Ryan ryan Nine days, though. That's, like... Michael michael Look, I know I've tapped you so hard. Ryan ryan Yes, you have tapped this. Hard. Michael michael [laughs] Oh, you are funny, Michael. You-people, people don't give you enough credit. Ryan ryan Maybe I could take a second mortgage on my condo. Michael michael Well, a lot of people are doing that. And there don't seem to be any consequences. And they say the rates have never been lower. Ryan ryan So you would think that's a good idea for me to do? Michael michael Think about this. You and me on a private plane flown by our private pilot- Ryan ryan Mm-Hmm. Michael michael Eating our private meal cooked by our private chef. Ryan ryan Yeah, well, we never even have dinner now, so... Michael michael We totally should. Ryan ryan Tonight? Michael michael I gotta work on this. Ryan ryan Oh right. What am I saying? Rain Check. Michael michael Yeah. [Michael closes the door] Ryan ryan And now, by show of applause, We will crown this year's hay king. All in favor of Purebred. [crowd applauds] Put your hands together for... Mixed Bread. [crowd applauds] And let's hear it for... Purebred. [crowd applauds] Mm. It appears we have a three-way tie. I have no choice but to pick the Hay King myself. I pick... [all three contestants begging for Dwight to pick them] Me! I am your Hay King! All Hail your Hay King! [drowd leaves disgusted, as Dwight's worker claps] Dwight dwight Did I truck 300 bales of hay to a parking lot to rectify some childhood disappointment? Yes. Dwight dwight So, if I were to call Dunder Mifflin and ask for Miss Angela Martin, would I get through to you? Man man You would. And if I were to call your house and ask for your wife, would I get through to you? Angela angela My wife passed away a few years ago. Man man How tragic. Very sorry to hear that. Angela angela Thank You. Man man [still stuck in maze] Help! Hello?! Oh! Help![runs around the maze] Kevin kevin [opens the door the Ryan's office, grabs him by the shirt, pulls him out of his chair] Consider it a WUPHF in person. [shoves Ryan down to a chair] Darryl darryl Your doing the wrong thing. You're gonna lose Michael's investment. You're gonna lose ours. Andy andy You got this crazy opportunity to get our money back. Tell Mike To Sell. Darryl darryl If you tell Michael to sell, he'll sell. Andy andy I'm betting on myself. Ryan ryan It's a bad bet. Stanley stanley Hello. Michael michael Hey. It's an ambush here. Nobody here believes in this company. Will you tell them they're wrong? Ryan ryan It's not that we don't believe in the company, We don't believe in you. Darryl darryl All those in favor of selling, say aye. [all say "aye"] Andy andy I. Do not agree to sell, which is to say nay. Michael michael What is wrong with you? What happened to you in High School? Darryl darryl Michael, are you that blind? Stanley stanley I'm not blind! I know exactly who he is. He is selfish and lazy and image-obsessed, and he is a bad friend. [all seem to be in agreenment] And he's also clever. And he shoots incredibly high. And he may just make it. But you know what? Even if he doesn't, I would rather go broke betting on my people, than get rich all by myself, on some island like a castaway. And there is no middle ground. Michael michael You're gonna lose all of our money. Andy andy Only if he fails. And you know what? Ryan, I believe in you. Just like I believe in all of you. You have nine days to save everybody's money. Michael michael Oh... Uh, That's a lot of pressure. I-I'm gonna need some more time. Ryan ryan You can't have it. Michael michael Okay. I won't let you down. [Ryan goes back into his office and shuts the door] Ryan ryan Angela? [slides open the door] Angela! [see's a note on the door, reads it, and then crumples it up] Dwight dwight The world sends people your way... Ryan came to me through a temp agency. Andy was transferred here. No idea where Creed came from. The point is you just have to play with the cards that you're dealt. [camera pans to different people in the office] Jim, that guy is an ace. Dwight is my King up my sleeve. Phyllis is my old maid. Oscar is my queen. That's easy. Gimme a hard one. That's what Oscar said. Toby is the instruction card you throw away. Pam's a solid seven. And yeah, you know what? Ryan is probably, like, a two. But sometimes twos can be wild. So watch out. And I am obviously the joker. So... [phone rings, computer chimes, etc.] That's Uh... Michael michael WUPHF, from Ryan Howard. Decided to sell company. Thanks, bro. Hell of a ride. Robotic Voice robotic-voice Thank God. Michael michael [puts his phone in his coffee mug and calls Gabe] Jim jim Gabe Lewis. Gabe gabe [Jim's edited version of her book on tape]: Jo jo