[Michael grunts and strains while doing push-ups] Breathe. Work your core. Come on. Dwight dwight How many is that? Michael michael Not counting the last one, 25. Dwight dwight Count the last one. Michael michael Ok, 25 and one girl push-up! Dwight dwight Oh, new record! Michael michael Okay. Dwight dwight Oh, what did you do today? Michael michael I made a sale. Jim jim Oh, yeah, sitting on your big fat butt. Alright, that is the number to beat. Michael michael What do we get if we do 'em? Meredith meredith My respect. [everyone returns to work] Okay, I'll make it a little more interesting. Anyone who does more than 25 push-ups - Michael michael And one girl push-up. Dwight dwight Gets to go home. [everyone starts to do push-ups] Ooh! I say 'dance,' they say 'how high?' Here we go. Oh, no. No, no, no. Butt to high. [steps on Angela] Disqualified! Michael michael Ow! Angela angela What do we got? Creed, disqualified. Michael michael [from desk chair] Oh, come on! Creed creed 19. [grunts] I had a really hard work out this morning. Jim jim [Stanley straining and breathing heavily] Oh, wow, that is adorable! Michael michael Ten... Phyllis phyllis Yeah, I'm betting one more. Michael michael Eleven, wow! Phyllis phyllis Good. Michael michael [chanting] Stan-ley! Stan-ley! Stan-ley... Everyone everyone Alright, alright. [chanting continues] Michael michael Essentially, what we have here is one of those stories where a mother lifts a car to save her baby. Oscar oscar Well, it's not exactly fair. He's got all of his weight that's helping him go down. Michael michael 25. Yeah! Come on, you can do it! Dwight dwight One more, one more! [cheers and applause] Phyllis phyllis You okay? You okay, Stanley? Oscar oscar Excuse me. Stanley stanley Wow. [applause] Jim jim Hey. Matt, right? Oscar oscar Hey, Oscar. You're here early. Matt matt I always come in at 7. Oscar oscar No, you don't. Warehouse Guy warehouse-guy Well... Hey, uh, are you doing anything later tonight? Oscar oscar I don't know. I'm free. If you hear of anything going on, let me know. Matt matt Yeah. Oscar oscar Yeah, we talked this morning and we talked at Christmas. So, a little momentum there. [tries to open door, locked] Just a couple of hours to kill before work. Oscar oscar Hey, what's up? Darryl darryl Hey, nice office. Oscar oscar Thanks, it's cool. So... Darryl darryl You know what we haven't done in a while? Happy hour. Upstairs, the warehouse, everybody just going out for a drink. Oscar oscar Has that ever happened? Ever? Darryl darryl Didn't we? I think we did. Oscar oscar You want me to invite Matt? Darryl darryl Yeah, the whole gang, Matt included. Oscar oscar Look, just be straight with me, man. You can be gay with Matt, just be straight with me. Darryl darryl So happy hour. Oscar oscar Happy hour. My pleasure. Darryl darryl All right. Oscar oscar So what do you think? Oscar oscar Hmmm, I saw a new drink on TV I'd like to try. I'll ask Bob. Phyllis phyllis Yeah, I love going to bars with Bob. I tend to wear something low-cut, get men to flirt with me, and Bob beats 'em up. What? Phyllis phyllis A bunch of us are talking about happy hour. Andy andy I would love, love, love to go. Only problem is, Pam's at home with the baby and I think she wants a night in. Jim jim Oh, baloney. Andy andy Good one. Jim jim Ring her up. Andy andy Absolutely, I will do that right now. Jim jim I gotta tell you, this baby is amazing. She gets me out of everything. And I - and I love her. I also love her, very much. Jim jim So some of the co-workers were thinking of going out tonight, but I told them- Jim jim [on phone] Yes! Yes! I would love to! Pam pam Ha! Knew it! Andy andy [through phone] It's been so long since I've been with adults. I am so excited to see everybody. Creed, Ryan. Oh my God, Stanley! Stanley's going to be there. Yes, oh my God! Pam pam I did not see this coming. Jim jim Erin, I need you to fax this and get me a confirmation, pronto. [whispering] Are you going later? Andy andy Sure, if you are. Erin erin Yes. Andy andy Talk to me that way again, and I'll cut your face off. Erin erin Whoa. Andy andy We recently struck up a romantic relationship. And, um... but we're kinda keeping it quiet for now 'cause it's still kind of a new thing. It's a little delicate, and we just don't want all the drama. Andy andy Exactly. Erin erin Yeah, cause when everyone knows- [knock on window, open blinds to Kevin giggling and making sexual gestures] That's actually pretty funny, but in general, you know. Andy andy Quiet. Erin erin Hey, boss man. Andy andy Yes? Michael michael A bunch of us are going to get some drinks, you in? Andy andy Ladies and gentleman, it is quitting time. Michael michael I'm sorry, I meant later. Andy andy Ok, yes. Sure. Michael michael For happy hour? Andy andy No, I got that. Michael michael Trying to get a head count. Andy andy I am in. Michael michael All right, yes! It's a deal. Andy andy It's a deal. Michael michael Oh, hey, I invited my friend Julie. Pam pam Okay. Jim jim I want her to meet Michael. Pam pam Why? Jim jim They're both single, I have a sense they might- Pam pam You've been gone for a long time. Jim jim It is not that. Kevin! Oh! Pam pam Yeah! [hugs Pam] Kevin kevin Hey, how are you? Pam pam Oh, I missed you so much. Kevin kevin Aw! Pam pam Yeah! Kevin kevin Yeah! Pam pam Waaah! [starts to make crying baby noises] Kevin kevin When a new mom hears a baby cry, her you-know-what's fill up with you-know-what, and then her shirt gets, you know... that would be funny. Kevin kevin Oh, wow, I cannot believe this is happening. This is everything I dreamed. Oh, my God! [laughs] Michael michael Easy. Jim jim It's not a birthday, it's not a good-bye party... Michael michael Oh, hey, Pam and I are gonna go play pool with one of her friends, and we need a fourth. Jim jim Sucks to be you. Michael michael Would you like to be our fourth? Jim jim That would be sublime. Michael michael All right. Jim jim So, the guy shows me the deck he's built. And I'm like, 'I'll call this a deck if it'll make you happy, but this is just a porch without a roof.' [laughter, Oscar looks toward door] It was ridiculous man, it was like-you could maybe get two chairs on the thing. Two lawn chairs. Darryl darryl Hey, Michael. Pam pam Yes. Michael michael This is my friend Julie. Pam pam Hello, how are you? Michael michael Good. Hi. Julie julie What is a nice girl like you hanging out with these bums for? [Julie laughs] Michael michael Julie laughs at everything. Pam pam So you work with Pam and Jim? Julie julie Oh, no, no. Pam and Jim work for me. And if they win, they are fired. Michael michael [giggles] I should hope not. Julie julie No. No, not really. Not really, but they better not win. Michael michael Hey. Isabel isabel Hey, Isabel, you made it. Oh, my goodness. Pam pam Of course. Isabel isabel You want to play pool? Pam pam Um, I'm gonna do a lap. See if I know anyone. Isabel isabel Ok. Pam pam And then they said the most ridiculous thing about Anderson Cooper, which I do not have the decency to repeat, but trust me when I tell you that- Angela angela Hold that thought. Well, well, well. If it isn't Isabel. Dwight dwight Mm-hmm. Isabel isabel What's a girl like you doing in a place like this? Dwight dwight A girl like me is why a guy like you comes to a place like this. Isabel isabel Ooh, I love repartee. Dwight dwight Do you? Isabel isabel Usually means there's a battle scene coming. Dwight dwight So, what do you do? Michael michael I am an ESL teacher. Julie julie Really? Michael michael Yeah. Julie julie See, I didn't think you could teach that. I thought that was something you were born with. What am I thinking right now? Michael michael Are you thinking that I said 'ESP?' Julie julie Yes. I feel like an idiot. Awesome. Michael michael I was a little nervous when Pam told me he was her boss, but he doesn't act like a boss at all. If I had a boss like that, we'd never get anything done. Julie julie So what do you think? Jim jim About what? Michael michael About Julie? Jim jim She's nice. Michael michael Yeah. Jim jim Yeah. Michael michael So you like her? Jim jim Uh, yeah, sure. Michael michael So Pam was right? Jim jim About what? Michael michael About you two hitting it off. Jim jim [removing tie] Well, apparently, Michael Scott is on a date. And that, that my friend, changes everything. [puts on backwards golf cap] Michael michael My brother, good head, bad heart. Good head, bad heart. Hide hide I know. Oscar oscar Hey, Michael, where have you been? [Michael shoots pool ball up into their faces] Pam pam Hey, you're supposed to hit the white ball first, buddy. Nice one. Can I talk to you for a sec? All right. Everything ok? Jim jim Why are you wearing a hat now? Pam pam Guys, come on, I'm on a date. Let me do my thang. Michael michael Hi, I'm date Mike. Nice to meet me. How do you like your eggs in the morning? [tries to wink] Michael michael You want to just make a run for it? Jim jim Maybe. Pam pam Waaaah! [Kevin fake-cries into Pam's chest] Waaaaah! Mommy! Kevin kevin What is happening? Jim jim Whoa! What is crackin? Andy andy Guys, one second. [on dance videogame] Ryan ryan We're focusing, we're focusing, we can't talk. Kelly kelly What's this game? Erin erin One second. Ryan ryan Yeah, how do you play? Andy andy Guys, guys, guys, please. [game ends] Ok, all right, it's all yours now. Ryan ryan Only three tickets. Kelly kelly If we save 'em up, we can get more than a sticker this time. Ryan ryan Stop telling me how to spend my tickets. Kelly kelly I know, but you wanted the big thing. Ryan ryan Wow, can you imagine what people would say if they saw us dancing together? Andy andy Oh I know. Erin erin They'd be like, 'what's up with those two?' Andy andy 'Hey, guys, get a bedroom already.' Erin erin 'Did we miss the wedding?' Um, I got it-I'll do this, and you play the racing game, and then we'll switch. Andy andy Yes, okay. Yeah, that's smart. Erin erin No drama. Ok. Andy andy Oh, air hockey, basketball, we could play that. Oh, whack-a-mole. Isabel isabel Any brothers or sisters? Dwight dwight Three brothers. Isabel isabel Really? Dwight dwight Two are in the Marines, one's a cop. Isabel isabel Vegetarian? Dwight dwight No. I love meat. Isabel isabel What's your blood type? Dwight dwight O-negative. Universal donor. Isabel isabel Universal donor. [startled by Angela, curses] Dwight dwight Angela versus Isabel. Height, advantage Isabel. Birthing hips, advantage Isabel. Remaining child-bearing years, advantage Isabel. Legal obligation, advantage Angela. Dwight dwight Hey, guys, guys, guys. [steals a cherry from waitress passing buy] Watch this. Ready? Michael michael What are you doing? Julie julie I'm tying a knot in the stem with my tongue. Michael michael Michael, you don't have to do this. Jim jim [choking] Wow. Oh, wow, that was close. Michael michael I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage because I watch reality dating shows like a hawk, and I learn. I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers. Actually, I probably learn more from the losers. Michael michael Hey, you two having fun? Phyllis phyllis Did you tell them? Andy andy No. Erin erin This is exactly what I don't want, the drama. I don't want the drama! Andy andy I get it. Erin erin [Isabel and Dwight playing whack-a-mole] You are amazing at this. How did you get so good? Isabel isabel Whacking moles. Hit 'em on the head. Whack. Say it with me. Dwight dwight Whack! Isabel isabel Extend the fingers more. Dwight dwight Whack! Isabel isabel Good. Dwight dwight This looks like a hoot. Angela angela Hey, monkey, how you doing? Dwight dwight Whack. Angela angela Listen, can I talk to you for a second? Dwight dwight Okay. Angela angela Look, I've been thinking. We had a good run. We really did. But you don't need to worry about this whole contract thing anymore. Dwight dwight It's no worry. Angela angela It's just that we both-we want different things. You know, I want a big family. Dwight dwight I could see enjoying that. Angela angela No, no, no, no. I want a big family. Tall. Thick. A big, physically big family. Listen, you go have fun. You're off the hook. Dwight dwight But we signed the contract. Angela angela Dissolved. Don't worry, you're free. Okay? Okay. See you later. Dwight dwight We both-you didn't dup- Angela angela [Michael playing air guitar on pool table] Wow. Maybe we should tell her that he's not normally like this. Jim jim Maybe it should come from a man. Pam pam Maybe it should come from a note... with flowers...tomorrow. Jim jim Hello. Bar Manager bar-manager Hello. Michael michael Hi. Bar Manager bar-manager Hi. Michael michael You wanna pay 400 bucks to re-felt this table? Bar Manager bar-manager Yeah, why don't you send the bill to 23 I Don't Care Lane, Scranton, Pennsylvania? Michael michael Hey, Michael, why don't you just get down. Pam pam Hey, she can tell I'm on a date, right? Right? I'm just having fun. Michael michael Ted, are we having fun? Bar Manager bar-manager Really? You told on me. That's lame. Michael michael We got a problem? Bouncer bouncer Yes. Homelessness. What? Michael michael All right, go. Bar Manager bar-manager Where? Michael michael Get out. Now. Bar Manager bar-manager Okay, all right. Okay, whoa. I'm just kidding around. I'm sorry. Michael michael Ok, um, why don't we just finish the game? Michael, it's your shot. Pam pam She can't talk to us that way. Michael michael You guys are stripes, I think... Pam pam You let somebody talk to you like that, where does it stop? Michael michael It stopped. Jim jim Well, I am starting it again! Michael michael Do you guys want some food? The wings are really good here. Pam pam Hey, you embarrassed my friends in front of me and I'm gonna need you to go back over to the table and apologize. Michael michael Then I am sorry that I didn't kick you out. Bar Manager bar-manager I am here with my employees. I am here on a date. Hello. Michael michael Well, uh, I'm the manager here, sir. Bar Manager bar-manager Well, it just so happens that I am a manager too. And the way I manage people is that I touch their hearts and souls with humor, with love and maybe a dash of razzle-dazzle. And I don't see that from you. Michael michael Is that how you do it? Bar Manager bar-manager Yes it is. I am writing a book about it. Michael michael Really? How much have you written? Bar Manager bar-manager I've written all of it... in my head. Michael michael Oh. Bar Manager bar-manager If you're really interested, it's called 'Somehow I Manage' and there's going to be a picture of me on the cover, shrugging, with my sleeves rolled up. Michael michael Huh. Have you read Lee Iacocca's? It's a classic. Bar Manager bar-manager Read it? I own it. But no, I have not read it. Michael michael Dude, tonight! You're not going to want to put it down. It's gonna make you want to go out and buy a Chrysler tomorrow. Bar Manager bar-manager I own a Chrysler. Michael michael Shut up. Bar Manager bar-manager No, you shut up. Michael michael What's your drink? Bar Manager bar-manager Grenadine. Michael michael What? Bar Manager bar-manager We just have to throw everyone off the scent a little, so follow my lead. Andy andy Okay. Erin erin [Andy sits at table with another woman] Hi. Andy andy Hi. Girl at Table girl-at-table I don't normally do this, but... Andy andy Do what? Girl at Table girl-at-table Just sit down next to a beautiful woman and start talking to myself to confuse other people. Andy andy [Erin sits with man, rubs her hand on his thigh] Hey, big boy. Do you like it when I do that? Erin erin [Andy spits out his drink] What are you doing? Andy andy What we said to do. Erin erin We didn't say we were gonna, like, start groping strangers! Andy andy I was flirting with a man. Erin erin Get in here. [Andy and Erin go into photo booth] Where did you learn to talk like that? Andy andy The movies. I don't know. Erin erin Well, what movie? Black Snake Moan? Andy andy I manage a paper company-Dunder Mifflin/Sabre. Michael michael You have a card? Bar Manager bar-manager I did. I actually put it in your bowl. Michael michael Stanley Hudson? Bar Manager bar-manager No, no. Michael michael Whoa, a lot of Stanley Hudson's in here. Bar Manager bar-manager No, it's Michael Scott. Michael michael Michael Scott? Bar Manager bar-manager He is I. Michael michael You just won yourself a lunch. Bar Manager bar-manager Oh, hey guys. [thumbs up] Michael michael I think I'm gonna go. Julie julie Really? Pam pam Yeah. Julie julie I'm sorry, he's not usually like that. Pam pam What's he usually like? Julie julie He's more, just... like... you can go. Pam pam Yeah. Julie julie All right. Jim jim Okay. Bye. Pam pam See ya. Nice girl. Jim jim Yeah. Pam pam Hey, Julie! You having fun? [Julie leaves] Michael michael So... when are you coming in for that free lunch? You're gonna want to come in on a day that I'm working. Uh, maybe I can hear more about that book, too. Bar Manager bar-manager Hey, man, you put together a pretty fun night for everybody. I saw you talking to Hide. Did you hear that dude's life story? It's amazing, right? Darryl darryl I couldn't understand a word he said. Oscar oscar Let me tell you something, Oscar. All right, Matt's an okay dude, but he's a dummy. You guys got nothing in common. Darryl darryl Maybe you're right. I should count myself lucky. Oscar oscar Hey, what's up? Matt matt There he is! Hey, hey, hey. Oscar oscar Anyone up for some hoops? Matt matt Sure. Hoops! Oscar oscar Let's do it. Matt matt Hoop it up, right. Oscar oscar This is not what I want my relationship to look like. [holding photo strip of he and Erin fighting] Andy andy [over PA] Hi, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Andrew Bernard, and I've been on two dates with Erin Hannon and they went well, and there will probably be more. Thank you. Andy andy You know, it got to the point where keeping it a secret was just too much drama. And I hate drama, so there you go. Andy andy [laughs] You love drama. Erin erin I know, I do, right? I'm a total drama queen. Andy andy With this move, he can't get you. Dwight dwight Well, I think that he could counter that move. The Scranton strangler is a professional strangler. Isabel isabel Oh, please. I wish he'd come after me. I would be like-aaah! Dwight dwight Dwight Schrute! Dwight Kurt Schrute. Angela angela Sh-what? Dwight dwight You are hereby served with a summons to appear in Lackawanna county court. Angela angela No, no, no. [trying to talk over her] Blah blah blah blah! Dwight dwight For breach of contract with Angela Noelle Martin. Angela angela What are you talking about? Isabel isabel What are you- Dwight dwight Dwight recently entered into a contract with me, establishing intent to conceive and raise a child with me. Angela angela Angela... Dwight dwight Did he not tell you that? Angela angela You're really putting me in an awkward position here. Dwight dwight Do you plan on raising a child with me? Or do you plan on breaking this contract? Angela angela Angela, not here! Dwight dwight Dwight? Angela angela Whack! [Isabel smacks Angela on forehead] Isabel isabel You'll see me in small claims court! Angela angela You are an impressive specimen. Dwight dwight Thank you. [Dwight and Isabel kiss] Isabel isabel [crying] Then, I spilled my drink, and they wouldn't give me a refill. Kelly kelly Oh-oh, gosh. Oh. Pam pam You all right? Jim jim Okay, we have to get home. Pam pam Yeah! Kevin kevin Halperts, wait up. Oh, what a great night. Got to hang out with my peeps. Sort of did okay with a new young lady. Michael michael Actually, you didn't. Jim jim Not at all. Pam pam I think I did. But I can't take all of the credit. Some of the credit is due, in fact, to my good friend, Date Mike. Nice to meet me. Michael michael Tell 'em your story, Hide. Darryl darryl In Japan, heart surgeon. Number one. Steady hand. One day, yakuza boss need new heart. I do operation. But, mistake! Yakuza boss die. Yakuza very mad. I hide in fishing boat, come to America. No English, no food, no money. Darryl give me job. Now I have house, American car, and new woman. Darryl save life. My big secret: I kill yakuza boss on purpose. I good surgeon. The best! Hide hide