Hello hello. Top of the morning to you! Ooh ooh! Green M&Ms! Nature's Viagra! [Grabs and pours Kevin-esque scoop of M&Ms into his coat pocket] Two of my favorite joke areas combined. It'll be a good day. Michael michael I don't want to bring my friends, why can't it just be the two of us? Kelly kelly Because it's St. Patrick's Day, people go out in groups. Ryan ryan Well why don't you invite your friends? Kelly kelly Why are you being so weird about this? Ryan ryan Stop fighting. Just on St Patrick's Day, okay? Just one perfect day a year. No hassles, no problems, no kids. Meredith meredith Why no kids? Ryan ryan Yeah, where are your kids? Kelly kelly Nope. Nuh -uh. Not today! Meredith meredith It is St. Patrick's Day, and here in Scranton that is a huge deal. It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas. Michael michael Welcome back, "Dad!" Erin erin Oh, thank you! Jim jim Hey! Phyllis phyllis Hey! Stanley stanley Welcome back Tuna! Andy andy Hey... [reveal Dwight's Mega-Desk] Jim jim Very good. Okay. Will get back to you right away on that, thanks. Dwight dwight What do we got here? Jim jim Mega-Desk. Dwight dwight Of course. Jim jim Command central. Dwight dwight Hm hm. Jim jim Surveillance, gaming- and business. Dwight dwight Okay. [Pulls desks apart] Just gotta... Jim jim Okay. Come on! Jim! Dwight dwight Dweedle Dee and Dweedle Dumb-ass have been away on maternity leave. Now Dweedle Dumb-ass is back, and we have a problem. Yes, getting hooked on Mega-Desk was my own damn fault. But ... I don't care about assigning blame. All I care about is Mega-Desk. That is all I care about. Getting. More. Mega-Desk. Dwight dwight Oh, I love this, so much fun! There's such team spirit in this room! 'Morning Darling! Jo jo Morning! Jim jim Well, this is my last day at the Scranton branch for a while. But I'm leaving it in the very capable hands of some of the loveliest people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing. Oh I'm gonna miss this place. And the snow! Hoo, my dogs love peeing in that snow! Makes me think they're onto something. Jo jo Oh good morning sweetheart. Jo jo Morning, honey-pile. Michael michael I'm sorry but is that a gift I see in your hands? Jo jo It is. This is a little something for you to remember your time here in Scranton by. Michael michael [pulls out glass cube with coal.] Is that a lump of coal? Jo jo Yes it is! Michael michael Have I been that naughty? Jo jo No, no no- that is a good gift actually. Buildings here in Scranton are literally powered by coal. Michael michael Err, thank you very much. We, we don't get to see much coal in Tallahassee, I'm used to alligators, and some of the worst Chinese food you've ever tasted. Jo jo Mm, that sounds great, actually. Michael michael Well, if you ever get down in my neck of the woods, you got a place to stay. Jo jo When you work for Sabre, only one thing matters. And I don't care if you're a loser, or you practice bestiality, if Jo likes you, you are in. And I am in! Michael michael Erin go braugh! Andy andy Andy go braugh to you! Nice kilt! Erin erin Thanks. It's actually my sister's old field hockey skirt. Andy andy Erin and I have our first date tonight, and it has to be perfect. Why? Because according to "How I Met Your Mother" that's the date that your kids are going to wait patiently to hear about, and you better have a good story for them. Andy andy No. [re-enters bullpen from kitchen.] Jim jim Great. Dwight dwight No. Jim jim Thank you. [hangs up phone] Dwight dwight No-no-no-no-no. Jim jim Oh come on. Come on. Five more minutes? Five more minutes of Mega-Desk? Please? Dwight dwight [swats over various photos and knickknacks, points at paperwork] Is this yours or mine? Jim jim They say that no man is an island. False! I am an island and this island is volcanic. And it is about to erupt. With the molten hot lava of strategy! Dwight dwight Good Lord! [Photo of Cece on Jim's desktop] I can't believe I'm missing this. Jim jim It's kind of like that lip thing she did last night, like a half snarl, half smile? I get the sense that she's very ironic. Pam pam Okay. Love you. We'll talk soon. [hangs up phone] Jim jim Must be amazing being a father right, a miracle of life? Dwight dwight It is. Big time. Jim jim Ah, that baby is just discovering the whole wide world right now. Dwight dwight Pretty amazing. Jim jim What up is, what down is, who Mom is, who Dad is. Must be tough being here with all that going on. Dwight dwight Oh it's tough being here for a lot of reasons. Jim jim I mean, you're here at work, and the baby thinks that the refrigerator is its father. Dwight dwight Is that what happened to you? Jim jim I'll tell you what happened to me. I didn't see my father for the first two years of my life. I thought my mother was my father, and my wet-nurse was my mother. Dwight dwight That's a common mistake. Jim jim Turned out fine for me. But Mose? Oh. Same story, different ending. Dwight dwight Hey! [Erin sneezing at desk] Are you sick? Angela angela Oh, no I'm fine, I just have a little indigestion. Erin erin In your nose? Angela angela Yes. [Angela returns to desk and puts embroidered breathing mask on] Erin erin I'm a little sick but I don't want to miss my date with Andy. I'll get better. Whenever I'm sick it goes away within a few hours. Except once, when I was in the hospital from age three to six. Erin erin Now, after all the talking I've been doing. It's your turn. This is a town hall meeting. I want to hear what you all sound like. Jo jo That is a great idea JB. Michael michael Thank you. You know I get way too many ideas from the top. Now I want to hear your ideas. I mean, did you guys know that Liquid Paper? That wasn't invented by some fancy engineer. No, that was created by a lowly typist. Jo jo Jo, I have an idea, for suntan lotion - soap. Kevin kevin You know it doesn't have to be an invention. Jo jo I have a question. Oscar oscar Oscar, homosexual accountant. Michael michael In the training manual it says, that there is a minority executive training program in Tallahassee? Oscar oscar I am so proud of Sabre's "Print In All Colors" initiative. Any Sabre employee of color, is welcome to apply. [Kelly applauds] Daryl? Jo jo Daryl. Mellow, soulful, smart for warehouse... Michael michael Okay hush now. Jo jo Okay. Michael michael The Sabre shipping method could be more efficient. Combining inventory systems makes sense on paper, but printers and paper ship differently. It'll be faster to deliver them separately, instead of waiting on everything to come in. Darryl darryl But you wouldn't need more trucks? Jo jo Not at all. There's a way that it can be scheduled. I sketched this out downstairs. Darryl darryl Oh look at you. Jo jo Look at that picture that you drew. Nice job! We're very proud of you. You know what, we're gonna tape that up on the refrigerator in the kitchen. Michael michael [Looks over his proposal] I like this Daryl. I like this a lot. Maybe you should be doing your sketching upstairs. Would you like an office up here? Jo jo Are you serious? Darryl darryl Yeah. Take Jim's old office. Jo jo Um. I set my stuff up in there. So... just give me a few minutes to clean that out for you. Gabe gabe Yeah, I want to hear more from you. Jo jo Absolutely. Darryl darryl All right. Jo jo Thank you. Darryl darryl Okay. Any questions? Anything on anybody's mind? I'm leaving tonight, this is your last chance for a while! Jo jo Oh no! Say it's not so, Jo, we're gonna miss you, we're gonna miss you so much! Michael michael Yes, well okay. Florida ain't that far away. Jo jo Well, I am heading down there. Michael michael Well, anytime now. Jo jo How about July 4th weekend? [Reveals paper ticket] Michael michael Oh honey you didn't buy a ticket? Jo jo I did! Michael michael Oh honey. I'm not home, very often. And uh, me and my relatives, they take up the guesthouse. I think you should check with my office, before you book any dates, okay? Jo jo You know what, in the spirit of full disclosure, I have actually reserved a bunch of different seats on a bunch of different flights, but there are a couple of flights that only have two tickets left, so I think we should pull the trigger and - Michael michael Enough! Jo jo All right, everybody, just try to put a brave face on. Michael michael Let's follow the chain of events. Jo likes Michael. Jo invites Michael to house. Jo doesn't like Michael anymore. Hmmm. Michael michael [singing] Moving on up, to the East Side, to the deluxe apartment in the sky... Darryl darryl Hello. I want you to stop what you're doing right now. You are stressed, and I'm taking you to lunch. Michael michael No, that's very generous of you, but I'm all set. Jo jo No is not an option. Michael michael Yes it is. Jo jo All right. Well if you need me, I'll be on the other side of that wall. Knock once for yes, twice for no. Michael michael How many knocks does it take to get you to do some work? Jo jo [laughs] I'll be over there. Michael michael And I'm actually pleased to be able to offer you printer cartridges and toner now. Jim jim [Whispers] Oh Jim, Jim! Sorry to bother you. Dwight dwight What? Jim jim My headphones are broken. Dwight dwight Right. Jim jim Can I listen to my music at a low volume? Dwight dwight Yeah that's great. Great. Jim jim Okay? [Unplugs cord, sings] "The cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon, little boy blue-" Dwight dwight [Overlapping] When's the last time you upgraded your printer? Jim jim "- and the man in the moon. When you coming home Dad? I don't know when-" Dwight dwight [Whispers] Please stop that! Jim jim "-But we'll be together then-" Dwight dwight Can you grow up? Jim jim "-Dad, you know we'll have a good time then." Dwight dwight [Turns off Dwight's music] Whether it's this time or next time. Jim jim [Vocalizes and continues song] "The cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon" Andy andy [On business call] Yeah. Jim jim [Singing, Dwight supplies beats] "Little boy blue and the man in the moon." {Andy} and {Dwight} andy dwight No, we definitely can talk about it in the next- Jim jim "When you coming home Dad? {Andy} and {Dwight} andy dwight You know, can I call you back? Jim jim "I don't know when-" {Andy} and {Dwight} andy dwight That would be great, thank you. Jim jim "But we'll get together then, we're gonna have a good time-" {Andy} and {Dwight} andy dwight [On phone in hallway] No, I know I need to work, I just- I feel weird not being home. Jim jim I am not surprised that Dwight's using my baby to steal my desk. I'm a little surprised that it's working. Jim jim This fax came for you. [Coughs] Erin erin Oh no no no! Are you feeling ill? Jo jo Uh... Erin erin Oh no honey, if you got a bug, I want you to go on home. I can't have you getting Callie and Jo Jr. sick. These dogs have got to be in a commercial with Dwight Howard next week. Jo jo Oh! No. I feel like I could lift a car. Erin erin Yeah, but you sound like death, girl. Now why don't you go on home and take care of yourself and get in bed. And shred that and have them send me a clean fax, okay? Jo jo Well... [Jo closes door on her] Erin erin She should go home. It's not the end of the world. We'll go on our date next week. She's still gonna like me in a week. Right? Andy andy Yes? Jo jo I was just working at my desk and I wanted to run some new leads by you. [Turns feint] Andy andy Oh! You're sick! [Andy coughs] Dangit! That's exactly why I sent that receptionist home. Jo jo No, no, no, no, no. Andy andy Get everybody sick in the office. Jo jo I have some good ideas... Andy andy We don't need any heroes here honey. It's time for you to get on home now. Jo jo You sure? Andy andy You'll probably feel better once you get some pants on. Come on. Jo jo Very nice. Michael michael Not bad, huh? Darryl darryl A real Hoop Dreams story you got there. Oh man, you seem to have caught Jo's eye. How'd you make that happen? Michael michael I impressed her with my good ideas. Darryl darryl Hm mm. Seriously, how did you do it? Michael michael I made a suggestion at the meeting that was good. You were there. Darryl darryl How do I put this delicately? Does her family owe your family something, in terms of a past injustice? Michael michael Now Mike, I have to ask you to leave, so that I can learn about this tiny television. Darryl darryl Okay. All right. Michael michael Hey there. Jo jo Hey there. So I think I'm done. Gonna head out. Unless you want to chat. Like we were doing earlier. Michael michael Well there's chatting time and there's working time. I'm still on working time. Jo jo Mm? Well, the clock says chatting time, so. Michael michael Well, if you feel like you've done a solid days work... Jo jo Right. What? Michael michael Well I mean, if you can put your name on this day, and be proud of the amount of work you've done, then, by all means, you should toodle on home. Jo jo Mm. mm. Oh well. Michael michael Anything else I can help you with? Jo jo No, no, no. That's super-clear-ish. [Exits, closes door, takes off coat.] Nope. Nope. Nope. Nope. Michael michael Just because Jo has no life, does not mean that the rest of us don't have lives. Oscar has a life. I think Ryan has a life. This is outrageous. Kevin kevin Hey Pack-man. Michael michael Hey what's up, Butt-plug? Todd Packer todd-packer How you doing stud? You already there? Michael michael Dude, I've been here since three! I've boot and rallied twice. Todd Packer todd-packer How's the lady situation? Michael michael Fat and ugly. You might actually have a chance. Todd Packer todd-packer Ah damn. That sounds great. Unfortunately I am stuck here, because my boss is making us work late. Michael michael Oh here's what you do. Hike up your skirt and pull out your tampon, borrow some balls and come meet me! Todd Packer todd-packer Yeah. Maybe next year. Michael michael Maybe next "queer." Hey ladies, who wants some bangers and mash? Todd Packer todd-packer [Opens door, surprised] Oh! Andy! Erin erin Hi! Andy andy I'm in my jammy-jams! Erin erin That's okay, I'm in my "worky-works." You look amazing! Andy andy Oh, thanks. Come in! Erin erin Hey! Me and Creed are in. Are you guys in? Meredith meredith Oh I'm in. Kevin kevin I'm in. Oscar oscar All right. [The four of them get out of chairs to run out, Jo exits her office. They retreat.] Meredith meredith Oh, you don't become the most powerful woman in Tallahassee by slacking off. [Scoffs] You do it by working hard. Or marrying rich. I did both! Jo jo Ah. Got a little client meeting at Shanny O'Gannigan's tonight. It shouldn't go all night long, so if you'd like me to, I could swing by your house so the baby can experience a strong male presence. [Jim is silent] No? Nothing? Okay. Have fun working. [Whistles "Cat's in the Cradle" song] Dwight dwight Hi there Jo. Sorry to interrupt. Um, this evening [phone rings] I have... Dwight dwight Hello? Jo jo Hey Jo, it's Jim Halpert. I actually scheduled a meeting at 7:30 with a very important client. And it's so weird, because we never have meetings after 5pm. But I was hoping that maybe just this once, it would be okay. Jim jim Well sure. You know, you go ahead and push some printers. Jo jo You know I will. And by the way, seriously, we never, never do this! Jim jim Okay. Jo jo Okay. Jim jim Sorry Sugar. What'd you want? Jo jo Well, you see, I actually do have a meeting. With a client. I'm just gonna reschedule for next week. Dwight dwight Thank you. Jo jo [pops back into Jo's doorway] Thanks again by the way. Jim jim Hey! What are you fellas doing up here? Darryl darryl We're here to bust you out! Warehouse Guy #1 warehouse-guy I wish, but uh- Darryl darryl Dude! Your shirt tucked in? Warehouse Guy #1 warehouse-guy Oh. Yeah, um, I must have did that when I was in the bathroom. All right then, uh, let me get to it. Darryl darryl All right. Warehouse Guy #1 warehouse-guy See you later. Warehouse Guy #2 warehouse-guy Your hand's cold. Erin erin It is? I'm sorry. Andy andy Yeah, have some more blanket. Erin erin Okay, thanks. Andy andy What's up? Reid reid Whoa! Andy andy You're awake. Andy, this is my brother, Reid. Erin erin I didn't know you had a brother. Andy andy He's my foster brother. Erin erin Well, any brother of Erin's is a friend of mine. Nice to meet you. Andy Bernard. [They shake hands] Andy andy Cold hands. [Takes spot next to Erin on love seat] Reid reid Are we rotating seats, or? Andy andy Oh yeah, you're the guest. Take the easy chair, best seat in the house. Plus, you don't have to sit next to this big dork and her smelly feet. Reid reid Hey! My feet aren't smelly, they smell like roses. Smell them! [puts her feet in his face] Erin erin Ooh! [Erin giggles] Reid reid So, how does the whole foster sibling thing work? Do you guys share one parent or-? Andy andy None. We were in the same house from ages ten to twelve. And then from fifteen to eighteen. Erin erin All right. Formative years. [She laughs] Andy andy Nice skirt. Reid reid Yeah, it's a kilt. Andy andy Oh! Sorry! Sorry, sorry. [They retreat. Pan around office still full with staff.] Night Cleaning Crew night-cleaning-crew Yes, I'm anxious to get off work. But let me be clear. It's not to celebrate St Patrick's Day. It's so I can protest St. Patrick's Day. Angela angela Overnight all my damn bags home. I'm carrying nothing but my Sable gloves. I've had it with Homeland Security. And I want you to put all those tracking numbers in my Blackberry. Jo jo How late do we have to work tonight? Michael michael You never know with Jo. Sometimes we're here til midnight. Sometimes she doesn't show up for three days. Gabe gabe Why does she do that? Why doesn't she just tell you what your schedule is? Michael michael Yeah, that would be awesome. I could get a girlfriend. Wouldn't have to go to Amsterdam seven times a year. But uh, I'm young, right? I will date when I'm dead! [Laughs] Gabe gabe Do I really want to turn out like Gabe? Twenty-six. Single. Tied to my desk. No life, no family. I want to have been married by the time I would've turned thirty. That's just - that's just depressing. Michael michael Hello Jo. Michael michael Anything I can do for you Puddin'? Jo jo There is, as a matter of fact. It's getting sorta late. It's 8:30. And it's St. Patrick's Day, which is a world ethnic holiday. So I have decided I'm going to dismiss my employees. Michael michael Hmm. Jo jo I'm thrilled with the work they've done today, both quality and the quantity. Great performance, Very, very solid all the way around. Michael michael All right then. Jo jo Okay. Happy St. Patrick's Day. [Starts to leave office] And also, I would like to say that I will be canceling my trip down to Tallahassee. Although I do look forward to our professional relationship. Michael michael Michael? Jo jo Yes. Michael michael I look forward to that too. Jo jo Ooh. It's coming down out there. Andy andy Yes. Thank you, for coming all the way here. Erin erin No, I- Andy andy I'm so sorry I was so sick. [Andy leans in. She leans in. Reid appears in background. Erin kisses Andy on the cheek.] Erin erin Ah. Oh great, now I'm gonna get sick. [They both laugh] Andy andy Excuse me, excuse me. Hey guys! Michael michael [cheering Michael] {Meredith}, {Creed}, {Oscar} and {Matt} meredith creed oscar matt Drinks are on me! Michael michael No! No, no no! Put your credit cards away. Drinks are on us! Oscar oscar Oh -hoh! All right. Michael michael Did I mess up my career today? My future prospects at Sabre? I don't know. There is a chance. Yes. I tell you I love my job. But Jo wants me to put on a show for her, and pretend to work late? Nah. I spent all day, trying to make her like me, and I forgot to ask myself something: Michael michael Yeah. We should be able to have that right over to you by Monday. Yeah no problem. [Reveal Jim behind Quad-Desk] Thank you. Jim jim What the hell is this? Dwight dwight Oh! Jim jim This is not Mega-Desk. Dwight dwight No, it's not. They call it Quad-Desk. Jim jim That's ridiculous, this is made up of three desks. Dwight dwight Oh my God. We're going to have to re-name it then aren't we? [Dwight's phone rings. He crawls into nook under Jim's Quad-Desk] Jim jim Hello, Dwight Schrute? Dwight dwight