Jim, could you come in here please? Michael michael Hi, Jim. Harvey harvey Hello. Jim jim I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks. Harvey harvey Sorry, oh wow, that's so rude. I'm sorry, I can't control him. Michael michael Yeah, you can. Jim jim You know what? Get Pam. Michael michael For this? Jim jim Pam. Michael michael Pam, you look very hot today. Harvey harvey Pam, meet Harvey. This is Michael's new friend. Jim jim Great. Pam pam Me so horny. Me love you long tim. Harvey harvey Oh, that is gross. Michael michael Who is 'Long Tim'? Pam pam Damn it. Michael michael Long time. Me lobe yoy long time. Harvey harvey Oh well, 'Yoy' should bring in 'Long Tim' in one day. Shouldn't he? Jim jim I would love to meet Long Tim. Pam pam Yeah. Right? Jim jim Yeah. Pam pam You ruined a funny joke, you. Get out of my offive. Harvey harvey Ok. Jim jim Ok. Bye Harvey. Pam pam Boobs. Harvey harvey Angela. Kevin kevin What? Angela angela That was a voicemail that corporate left last night. They did not get our tax forms. Did you send them? Kevin kevin They arrived this morning. Angela angela Are you sure? It is a big deal. Kevin kevin Is it a big deal? Is it Kevin? Angela angela ... Do you really not know? Because it is a big deal. Kevin kevin Five of us transferred from Stamford. There are two of us left. Me and Karen. It's like we are touring Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and dropping off one by one. Well, guess what? I am not falling in a chocolate river. Andy andy Everything ok? [Takes candy from Pam's desk] Angela angela Everything is fine. You are in the clear. Dwight dwight Thank you. [Puts candy back] I... I don't want those. Angela angela Dwight, care to join us, finally? Thank you. Michael michael Hey Dwight, pass the tardy sauce. Get it Michael? Andy andy Yes. Ok, here is the dream team. My sales dream team. Today we are going to team up for sales calls. Andy, since this was your idea, you get to pick first. Michael michael Hmmm, well... let me think about this for a minute. Oh, I don't know. Michael Scott. Andy andy Oh. Michael michael Ph. D. Doctor of Sales. Andy andy Well, I appreciate that. That is very gracious of you. Michael michael Well, it is very gracious of you to accept. Andy andy Well, thank you sir. Ok, now going by seniority. Phyllis, our resident senior. Michael michael We're the same age and I'll pick... Karen. Phyllis phyllis Oh, uh, thanks. Karen karen Good. Next up, Superfly himself, Stanley. Michael michael Pass. Stanley stanley You can't pass. You've got to pick somebody. Michael michael ... I'll take the kid. Stanley stanley I am very flattered. I was his second choice after "Pass." Ryan ryan So that just leaves Dwight and Jim. Michael michael Ok, wait. Does anyone want to trade? Dwight dwight Yup. I'll trade. Jim jim Dwight and I used to go on sales calls all the time. In fact, I have a picture to remember that time. Oh young Jim. There is just so much I need to warn you about. And yet, tragically, I cannot. Jim jim Sebring by Chrysler. Heck of a... motor... carriage. Andy andy Dwight? Michael michael Yup? Dwight dwight Here ya go. [throws laundry] Michael michael Yeah! You want shirts on hangers? Dwight dwight Please. Michael michael He does your laundry? Andy andy Long story. All right everybody, circle up. Here we go. You know what this is? This is the "Amazing Race." [To Ryan and Stanley] And you guys are the retired marines. [To Phyllis and Karen] And you guys are the mother and daughter. [To Dwight and Jim] And you guys are the gay couple. And we are the firefighter heroes. Are we ready to go? Michael michael Wait, "Amazing Race" like, the biggest sale wins? Karen karen No, we're just going to rush out, do the sales thing, and come back. Michael michael Is there a prize? Ryan ryan Just bragging rights. Michael michael Then how is this "Amazing Race"? Phyllis phyllis It's just... brrrrrr... It's "Amazing Race," Phyllis. Okay? We're in teams of two and we are on a mission. All right, so, on your mark, get set, go. Let's do it. Michael michael Come on!! Dwight dwight Michael. [Michael throws Phyllis' keys under the car.] Phyllis phyllis Whoah, whoah. Oh hahahaha. Vamanos! Michael michael Bueno. Andy andy Do you have a pole? Phyllis phyllis Let's go get a broom. Karen karen Seriously? You're going to sit in the back? Jim jim Uh, yeah. It's the safest part of the car. In the event of a crash, the driver always protects his side of the car first. Dwight dwight Here we go. Michael michael In order to take down Dwight, I have to chip away at his ally, which, in this case, is Michael. Here's the good news. Every success I've ever had at my job or with the lady-folk has come from my ability to slowly and painfully wear someone down. Andy andy What's the deal with Dwight doing your laundry? Andy andy Ugh... that is a long story. Um, couple of months ago, Dwight tried to go behind my back with Jan and get my job and I am now having him do my laundry as punishment. Michael michael Wow, that is a long story, but quite well told, Michael. I find it very interesting. Especially about the part Dwight going behind your back and basically, like, being a terrible person. You know if you want your laundry done right? I used to work at Abercrombie. So, pretty good folder. Andy andy Hey Pam. Would you like to go with me to grab a coffee? Angela angela Really? Pam pam Yeah, I could use some fresh air. Might be fun. Angela angela Ok. Sure. Pam pam Ok. Angela angela Why are we turning in here, this is a beauty salon? Karen karen Um-hmmm. Phyllis phyllis Hey, do you mind if I take the lead on this one and then you can critique me after? Ryan ryan You want the lead? Stanley stanley Yeah, if you don't mind. Ryan ryan Mind? Nothing would delight me more. Stanley stanley Leave the keys. Dwight dwight You still do that thing? Jim jim Leave the keys! Dwight dwight I think you have assembled an amazing team at Scranton. It's really a pleasure to be a part of it. It's like, everyone has their own special skill, you know, just like the Superfriends. Except for Dwight, who is more like a SuperDud. I mean, he would be a Superfriend if there was a Superfriend whose super power was always being late. You know? Andy andy Hawkman. Michael michael My plan is taking longer than I thought but I don't give up easily. I have walked two marathons. Andy andy [Walks out of the Ladies' Restroom] Let's go. The men's room was disgusting. Michael michael After you sir. Jim jim No thank you, I never let anyone walk behind me. Seven out of ten attacks are from the rear. Dwight dwight Ok, well, that still leaves a 30% chance that I will attack you from the front. Jim jim Uh, yeah, but it will be easier to stop. I can always block the blow. I can counter it with... [Jim slaps Dwight] Dwight dwight Angela, you seem so happy. I bet you wish you were like this all the time. Pam pam This friend of mine - let's call her Noelle - she missed this deadline turning something in to Corporate in New York. But then this gallant gentleman - we'll call him Kurt - he drove all the way to New York and handed it in for her. That's... I don't know. I guess he really just likes her a lot. Angela angela That's great. Pam pam Yes, it is. [Walks up to the counter where there is no employee] Hello? Angela angela Hey, did you catch that up at Lake Wallenpaupack? Michael michael Yep. Buyer buyer You know, I used to go up there all the time with my step-dad, and I never caught anything that big. Michael michael Caught an eighty-pound shark off of Montauk. It's in the Hamptons. My dad's got a 42-ft Bayliner. Sniped it with a rifle from the crow's nest. Also shot a deer once. Andy andy You know what? Let's get right down to it. Dunder-Mifflin may be just two rooms and a warehouse, but what we lack in flash, we will make up for with hardwork and decency. Michael michael Ok, this is the classic undersell because you should know we don't work out of a log cabin. We trade on the New York Stock Exchange. Ever heard of it? It's in New York. Andy andy Uh, I have to say I am a little wary with getting involved with a big company. We've had some problems in the past. Buyer buyer I think what Andy is trying to express is that while we have the resources of a large company, we will give you the care and attention of a small company. Michael michael Oh, man, that is, like, poetry. Andy andy No. Michael michael I swear, this guy could sell paper to a tree. Andy andy Stop it. [Puts his hand on Andy's shoulder] Stop it. Michael michael Ow. Andy andy Oh man. Talk about your classic "Lame dash O." Do we even want that guy buying our paper? Andy andy Yes. Michael michael I... I'm so sorry man. I really screwed that up. Andy andy Ah, no. Don't worry about it. Michael michael I really 'Schruted' it. Andy andy What? Michael michael 'Schruted' it. It's just this thing that people say around your office all the time. Like, when you screw something up in a really irreversible way, you 'Schruted' it. I don't know where it comes from though. Do you think it comes from Dwight Schrute? Andy andy I don't know. Who knows how words are formed. Michael michael It's a big order. Thanks Kenny. Phyllis phyllis Yeah, thank you. Karen karen Hey, how's Annie? Phyllis phyllis Oh, she's great. This is us last year in Bermuda. Lovely place. You ever been to Bermuda? Kenny kenny Stanley Hudson. Julius julius Ah, Julius, how's it goin'? Stanley stanley Great, great, great. Julius julius Stanley. Guy guy So good to see you too. I'd like you fellas to meet Ryan Howard. Stanley stanley Hi. Ryan ryan I'm gonna let Ryan do a little pitch for you while I do my crossword. Ryan? Stanley stanley Um... [To the Buyers] Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Ryan ryan Hello, Ryan. What do you have for us? Julius julius Oh... Ryan ryan We can offer our biggest discounts on 30% recycled and ultra-premium laser. Jim jim 'Kay. 'Kay. Man man Can I use your phone? Dwight dwight Yeah, sure, go ahead. Man man Thanks. Dwight dwight Let me talk to you about a few of the other things we can offer. Namely, we know the tax season is coming up, so by April 1st we can have you fully stocked. Jim jim [On Phone] One... Dwight dwight We have discount prices on ink cartridges... Jim jim Three... Dwight dwight And, also, any forms that you are going to need... Jim jim Seven... Dwight dwight We can custom make them. Jim jim Ha ha ha! And you just said, "Hi! Hi! Hi!" Ha heh ha! You sounded like my niece, and she's six months old! Stanley stanley We'll I appreciate what you guys are saying but it, uh, makes more fiscal sense to go with one of the big guys. Man man Sure. Dwight dwight Sure, that's true we can't compete with their prices. But let me ask you something. How important to you is customer service? Jim jim It's very. Man man Please keep holding, your call is very important to us. Phone phone Erm, that's one of the 'Big guys.' Been on hold this whole time. Dwight dwight [Dials cell Phone] And this is Dunder-Mifflin. Jim jim Dunder-Mifflin customer service, this is Kelly. Kelly kelly Hey, Kelly, it's Jim. Jim jim Oh my god, Jim. How are you ? I wanted to tell you ... . [Jim hangs up] Kelly kelly Here is my card. It's got my Cell number, my pager number, my home number, and my other pager number. I never take vacations, I never get sick, and I don't celebrate any major holidays. Dwight dwight All right, I get it. We got a deal. Man man Thanks. Jim jim Thanks. That was fun. Karen karen Yeah, I really enjoy spending time with you. You are a very nice person. Phyllis phyllis Thank you. Karen karen I'm so glad you're with Jim. He was hung up on Pam for such a long time. Never thought he would get over her. Phyllis phyllis That's nice. Karen karen You can pay me back later for the makeover. Phyllis phyllis Hey boss. Got a minute? Andy andy Yes, Andy. Michael michael I forget, why did Dwight say he was late this morning? Andy andy He didn't say. Michael michael That's weird. Because I was just walking past his desk and I saw this, which is a tollbooth receipt from New York City, stamped really early this morning. So, why would Dwight go to New York without telling anyone? Do you think he went to see Jan? That's not like him. Is it? Someone told me a story about this, with, like, laundry and betrayal. Did you betray Dwight and try to steal his job or something? Andy andy No, you are remembering it wrong. Michael michael Dwight betrayed me once before. So this is his strike two. You know what they say? Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice, strike three. Michael michael I like Karen. She's pretty and appears intelligent. Dwight dwight Well, I like pretty women who have the appearance of intelligence. Jim jim My girlfriend is also beautiful and smart. She could be a model or a college professor which is intimidating to a lot of guys. Dwight dwight We should go on a double date. Jim jim No thank you. Dwight dwight Dwight's name is on the security sign-in sheet, but I don't know who he met with. And where it asks to state your business, he wrote "Beeswax. Not yours, Inc." Jan jan I knew it. [Dwight and Jim walk in] Michael michael Oh, doggie. Andy andy Hey, do you want to grab a coffee? Karen karen Sure. Look at you! Jim jim Yeah. Karen karen Hey, we nailed the sale! Dwight dwight Where were you this morning? Michael michael I overslept. Damn rooster didn't crow. Dwight dwight Why do you lie, liar? Michael michael I am not a liar. Dwight dwight You are lying right now. Michael michael It sure seems like he is lying. Andy andy Stay out of this, you! Dwight dwight I know that you went to corporate this morning, and I know that you lied about it. And given our history, I need you tell me this instant exactly what you were doing. Michael michael Michael, I cannot tell you what I was doing there. But you have to trust me, I would never do anything to hurt you or this company. Dwight dwight Ok, you know what? I want you to think about your future in this company. I want you to think about it long and hard. Michael michael That's what she said. Dwight dwight Don't. Don't you dare. I want to know what you were doing this morning by the end of the day. Michael michael It's going to be ok. Dwight dwight How is going to be ok, Dwight? Everyone will know our business. Angela angela That's not the worst thing in the world. I'll just stand up in front of the office and reveal our true love. It won't be that bad. Look at Kelly and Ryan. Dwight dwight I hate those two people more than anything in the entire world. Angela angela Well, I don't have a lot of choices. Dwight dwight So, let me ask you a question. Karen karen Ok. Jim jim Did you ever have a thing for Pam? Karen karen Pam? Did I ever have a 'thing' for her? No, why? Did she say something? Jim jim I moved here from Connecticut... Karen karen Yeah. Ok, here's the ... I had a crush on her before I left. And I told her about it and she didn't feel the same way. So, it didn't amount to anything, and I left. I'm really glad you're here. 'Kay? Jim jim 'Kay. Karen karen Ahem-hem-hem. May I have your attention please? This will only take a moment of your time. Although I love this company more than almost anything in the world, I have decided to step down from my post and spend more time with my family. I do not fear the unknown and I will meet my new challenges head-on and I will succeed. And I will laugh in the faces of those who doubt me. It has been a pleasure working with some of you and I will not forget those of you soon but remember, while today it is me, we all shall fall. In other words, I am quitting. So... . Dwight dwight Oompa-Loompa Doompity-Dawesome, Dwight is now gone which is totally awesome. Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy? No, he was not. He was a total douche. Doompity-doomp. Andy andy I would like to give the rest of my belongings to Michael Scott. Just take them. Except this. Dwight dwight Good luck. Michael michael Dwight will be missed. Not by me so much, but, he will be missed. Ryan ryan Dwight, from sales, was one of the most honorable and efficient employees this company has ever had. Angela angela One of my life goals was to die right here in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered. Dwight dwight Hey man. [Dwight hugs Jim and leaves] Jim jim What happened on your sales call? Karen karen Um, am I happy the way things turned out? Oh, well, happy's such an ugly word. But, um, I saw what needed to be done and I did it and now I'm thrilled. So, it's pretty... [camera had focused in on Angela watching] Hello? Pretty good. Andy andy