Michael!? Dwight dwight Oh! God. Dwight, come on... Michael michael I wanted to talk to you about the downsizing? Dwight dwight There's no downsizing. Michael michael I, but if there were, I'd be protected as assistant regional manager? Dwight dwight Assistant to the regional manager Dwight. Michael michael Yeah, so I don't have to worry? Dwight dwight Look, look, look. I talked to corporate, about protecting the sales staff. And they said they couldn't guarantee it if there's downsizing, okay? Michael michael But there's no downsizing, so just don't... Michael michael Bottom line. Do I need to be worried? Dwight dwight Mmm, mm, mm. Maybe. Michael michael It looks like there's gonna be downsizing. And it's part of my job, but... blah! I hate it. I think the main difference between me and Donald Trump is that, uh, I get no pleasure out of saying the words, "You're fired." [as Donald Trump] "You're foir-ed. Uh, you're foir-ed." It just makes people sad, and an office can't function that way. No way. [as Donald Trump] "You're foir-ed." I think if I had a catchphrase it would be, "You're hired, and you can work here as long as you want." But that's unrealistic, so... Michael michael It's a real shame, 'cause studies have shown that more information gets passed through water-cooler gossip than through official memos. Which puts me at a disadvantage, because I bring my own water to work. Dwight dwight Why'd you do this? Stanley stanley I didn't do it. What do you mean? Oh, the water cooler was brought over here for... maintenance. So what do you guys hear? What's the scuttlebutt? Dwight dwight Get set for Operation Morale Improvement starring Michael Scott. Now, I think I have had a little stroke of genius in that I have had my assistant Pam... Smile, Pam. I have had her go out and find out whose birthday is coming up, so we can have a little celebration for it. Not bad, not bad at all. All right. And the birthday person is... drum roll please. Here we go, who is the birthday, birthday person? Michael michael Who is it? Who's the birthday? Michael michael Um... Actually, we don't have any staff birthdays coming up. Pam pam Next person on the... Michael michael Oh. Pam pam ...calendar. Michael michael Okay, umm... that would be Meredith. Pam pam Yes! All right, come on down Meredith! Michael michael But it's not until next month. Pam pam Um... uh, OK. Well, great, well, you know, it'll be a surprise. Michael michael You still want to have a party? Pam pam Yeah, why not? Sure. Go ahead, live a little. Come on, Pam. Come on, shake it up. Shake it up! Shake it up! Michael michael [grabs cell phone off desk] Brrrp! Uh, Spock, are there any signs of life down there? Well, let me check Captain. Eeee. Eeee. Eeee. Eeee. No, Captain. No signs of life down here. Just a wet blanket named Pam. Brr-rrrp. Star Trek. Michael michael Well, uh, for decorations, maybe we could... it's stupid, forget it. Phyllis phyllis What? Angela angela I was just going to say, maybe we could have streamers, but that's dumb, everybody has streamers. Never mind. Phyllis phyllis No, yeah, I think that's a good idea. Angela angela Yeah? Phyllis phyllis What color do you guys think? Angela angela Well, there's green, um, blue... yellow... red... Phyllis phyllis How about green? Pam pam I think green is kind of whoreish. Angela angela This was tough. I suggested we flip a coin. But Angela said she doesn't like to gamble. Of course by saying that she was gambling that I wouldn't smack her. Pam pam These are my party-planning beeyatches. Pulled off an amazing '80s party last year. Off the hook! Michael michael So I was thinking, if you haven't already got a cake, um, maybe going for one of those ice-cream cakes from Baskin-Robbins. Those are very good. Very Delicious. Michael michael Meredith's allergic to dairy, so... Angela angela She's not the only one that's going to be eating it, right? I think everybody likes ice-cream cake. It's not, uh, it's not just about her, so... Michael michael It is... her birthday. Pam pam Mint chocolate chip! That'd be good, how about some, mint chocolate chip? Michael michael Hey, so listen, I was thinking that it might be a good idea if you and I formed an alliance. 'Cause of the downsizing? I think an alliance might be a good idea, you know. Help each other out. Dwight dwight Do you want to form, an alliance, with me? Dwight dwight Absolutely, I do. Jim jim Good, good. Excellent, OK. Now we need to figure out who's vulnerable and who's protected... Dwight dwight At that moment, I was so happy. I mean, everything Dwight does annoys me. Jim jim Did you get your tickets? Dwight dwight To what? Jim jim The gun show. [Rolls up his sleeve and kisses his bicep] Dwight dwight And I spend hours thinking of ways to get back at him, but only in ways that could get me arrested. And then here he comes and he says "No, Jim, here's a way." Jim jim There's one other thing and this is important. Let's keep this alliance totally a secret. Don't tell anyone. Dwight dwight An alliance? Pam pam Oh yeah. Jim jim What does that even mean? Pam pam I think it has something to do with Survivor, but I'm not sure. Jim jim Um, I know that it involves spying on people and we may build a fort, underground. Jim jim Jim! Hey. Hi, Pam. Listen, could I talk to you a second about the... paper products? Dwight dwight Did you tell Pam about the alliance? Dwight dwight What? No. Jim jim Just now. Dwight dwight What? Oh no no no. Dwight, no. I'm using her, for the alliance. Who knows the most information about this office? Pam. Jim jim Right, that's good, good, pursue this. Dwight dwight Well I'm trying to. Do you see what I'm doing? Jim jim Mmm hmm. Dwight dwight But listen, I'm going to have to talk to her a lot. All right? And there may be chatting, and giggling. And you gotta just pretend to ignore it. Wipe it away. Jim jim Done. Dwight dwight All right. Jim jim [to the camera] Can you get her? She's right there. [camera zooms in on Meredith at here desk] That is Meredith, the birthday girl. And this... is Meredith's card. Happy Bird-Day. [laughs] Um, let's see. Jim, Jim wrote, "Meredith, I heard you're turning 46, but, come on, you're an accountant. Just fudge the numbers." Not bad, pretty funny, I don't appreciate condoning corporate fraud though. Uh, here's the thing. Whatever I write here has to be really, really funny. Because people out there are expecting it. I've already set the bar really high. And they're all worried about their jobs, you know. It's kinda dark out there. Can you imagine if I wrote something like, uh, "Oh, Meredith. Happy Birthday. You're great. Love, Michael." [pretends to vomit and laughs] Michael michael They seem awfully chummy, don't you think? Dwight dwight Yeah, what do you think that's about? Jim jim Only one way to find out. Dwight dwight I'm on it. Jim jim You are not going to believe this. Jim jim What? I believe it. Dwight dwight Well, tensions were high in the kitchen. Jim jim I could tell, from the body language. Dwight dwight Hey Kev, that looks good. What is it? Turkey? Jim jim Italian. Kevin kevin Oh, Italian. Nice. Wow! You got the works there. Red onion, provolone... Jim jim Yeah. Kevin kevin Toby and Kevin, they're trying to get Angela kicked off. Jim jim Good, let 'em. It helps our cause. Dwight dwight Well, I don't know, if Kevin's in accounting, and Toby's in Human Resources and they're talking... Jim jim Oh, they're forming an alliance Dwight dwight I love their sandwiches. Toby toby I love their sandwiches too. Jim jim Their bread's really good. Kevin kevin Their bread is very good. Jim jim Damn it. God! Dwight dwight OK, listen, we need to assume that everyone in the office is forming an alliance and is therefore trying to get us kicked off. Jim jim God... Damn it! Why us? Dwight dwight Because we're strong, Dwight. Because we're strong. Jim jim [staring at birthday card] Meredith, Meredith... Meri... Mary had a little lamb. Mary... Meredith had a little lamb. Don't bring that lamb to work or it'll poop on the floor. Michael michael Hey, Oscar! Come on in. What's up? Michael michael Uh, I'm sorry to bother you. Oscar oscar Oh, not at all. Come on in. What's going on? Michael michael My nephew is involved with, um, a charity for cerebral palsy, and I was wondering if maybe you'd like to... you know... if... Oscar oscar What? Michael michael Donate to the charity? Oscar oscar Oh, God. Of course I would. Get it over here. Get that over here. Michael michael Thank you. Oscar oscar No, I'm always good... for some serious buckage. Wow. Two dollars, three dollars? People out here do not care about diseases. I am going to give you... $25. Michael michael That's... that's... that's very generous. Oscar oscar Oh, my gosh, well... Listen, Oscar, generosity and togetherness and community all convalescences into... morale. That's what I say, so... Michael michael [whispering] Hey, Jim, can I talk to you for a second? Pam pam Sure, what's up? Jim jim Um, I don't know, I'm just like, I'm going a little crazy 'cause I keep overhearing all these conversations between Michael and corporate about like, staff issues? Pam pam Oh no? Jim jim Yeah, he's making me take notes on these meetings and I'm, like, "These people are my friends." But he's all like, "This is confidential. You can't tell anybody." But I just feel like I want to... aaah. Just promise me you're not gonna say anything. Pam pam No, will not, I'm not going to tell anybody. This is between you and me. Jim jim OK, yeah. Pam pam Jackpot. Dwight dwight That was beautiful. All her idea too. Awesome. She is so great. Jim jim [looking at birthday card] Meredith, bad breath. Meredith has bad breath. Michael michael Hey, you wanted to see me? Dwight dwight Yeah. What do you know about Meredith? Michael michael I don't think she'd be missed. Dwight dwight There's not going to be downsizing Dwight, OK? I just, I need to know a little bit more about my friend. Michael michael Name, Meredith Palmer. Uh, personal information, divorced twice, two kids. Uh, Employer, Dunder Mifflin Paper Incorporated. Awards, multiple Dundies. Dwight dwight I know all that. I know all that. I just, I need something kind of embarrassing, you know. Kind of fun, inside. Michael michael She had a hysterectomy. Dwight dwight [laughs] Which one is that again? Michael michael That's where they remove the uterus. Dwight dwight Oh God! Dwight, no. I'm trying to write something funny. What am I going to do with a removed uterus? Michael michael It could be kind of funny. Dwight dwight You know what, I am on a deadline here, and just... OK. Thanks, thanks for your help. I'll work it out. Thank you Dwight. That was a waste of time. Michael michael OK, here's the deal. All right? Pam says that one of the alliances is meeting in the warehouse during Meredith's birthday. Jim jim Oh my God, we have to be there. Dwight dwight I know, but it's gonna be a little tough because there's no good place to hide there. Jim jim No no, yes there is. Behind the shelves. Oh my God. Dwight dwight What? What? Jim jim I know. I know exactly what to do. Dwight dwight [gives Dwight a high five] Great. Jim jim I'm a deer hunter. I go all the time with my dad. One thing about deer, they have very good vision. One thing about me, I am better at hiding than they are... at vision. Dwight dwight This is going to be perfect, OK? Centrally located. Perfect cover. I can hear and see everything. Dwight dwight Good. Jim jim Michael? Are you done yet? Ryan ryan Almost there. Just a sec. Just a second. It is perfect, thank you. Excellent, here we go. It is time, thank you. OK, come on. Let's go! Get the cake. Here we go. Come on! Shhh. Be quiet. Michael michael Wait, this isn't gonna work. The lid's open. Jim jim So tape it down. Dwight dwight I can't do that. You won't be able to breathe. Jim jim Look, I can breathe just fine. OK, but if it makes you feel better, I'll poke holes in the box. Dwight dwight Thank you, thank you. OK. Jim jim Surprise! Everybody everybody Oh! Surprise. Meredith meredith No, it's ah... Angela angela It's surprise Meredith. One, two... Michael michael [tunelessly] Happy birthday to you. Everybody everybody Find a key. Michael michael Happy birthday... Everybody everybody So do you want me to stay here and, you know, stand next to the box? Jim jim No, you need to go upstairs to the party so people don't notice we're both gone. Dwight dwight Right... That's good. Jim jim Can I trust Jim? I don't know. Do I have a choice? No, frankly, I don't. Will I trust Jim? Yes. Should I trust Jim? You tell me. Dwight dwight [singing] ... birthday, dear Meredith Happy birthday to you... Everybody everybody And many more! Michael michael Last year, five years ago... Stanley stanley You were surprised, weren't you? Michael michael Yes. Meredith meredith You looked freaked, man. We said "Surprise." You were, like, "What?" "What the hell's goin' on here?" Good cake. Why don't you have some? Michael michael Uh, I can't. Um... Meredith meredith Come on. A little bit. Michael michael I can't eat dairy. Meredith meredith Oh, right. God, too bad. It's so good. Michael michael Yeah, it makes me sick. Meredith meredith You know what? If I were allergic to dairy, I think I'd kill myself. 'Cause this is way, way too good. Michael michael He's in a box? Pam pam Pam, he's in a box. He's downstairs, in a box, on the floor, near the shelves. I'm serious. Go down there and work your magic. Jim jim [on her cell phone] Hey where are you? Yeah, we were supposed to meet here. What? Oh my gosh! That ties in perfectly with something that Michael was telling me earlier! I just don't know what some of the people in, like, accounting are going to do? It said specifically that... Pam pam [box falls over] Oh. Dwight dwight Jim, good party, huh? Just a little something I whipped up. You know, a little morale boost. No big deal. Michael michael Speaking of which, I meant to tell you. Very impressive, the uh, donation you gave to Oscar's charity. What was it? 25 bucks? Jim jim Well, you know, money isn't everything Jim. It's not the key to happiness. You know what is? Joy. You should remember that. Maybe you'll give more than three dollars next time. Michael michael Yeah, well, three dollars a mile. It's gonna end up being like 50 bucks. So... God, I can't even calculate what you're gonna have to give. Jim jim Is Oscar around? Michael michael I just thought it was kind of a flat, you know... 25 dollar, one-time donation. I didn't think it was per mile kinda deal. You know, so... Michael michael Well, that's what a walk-a-thon is. Oscar oscar I know... Michael michael It says it right on the sheet. Look, look at the sheet. It says, "However many dollars per mile." Oscar oscar Right. Got it. Yes. So it does. Um... Michael michael I just think it's kind of cheap to un-donate money to a charity. Oscar oscar No, no, no, no, no. That wasn't what I wasn't, that wasn't... No. It-it-it's not about the money. It's just... it... it's the ethics of the thing, Oscar. How's your nephew? Is he in good shape? Michael michael Yeah. Oscar oscar How many miles did he do last year? Michael michael Last year, he walked 18 miles. Oscar oscar Son of a bitch. That is impressive. Michael michael Happy Birthday. [gives Meredith her card] Pam pam Read it out loud. And say who wrote everything so we know whose is the best. Michael michael "Happy Bird-day" Um... "Meredith, good news. You're not actually a year older because you work here, where time stands still." Meredith meredith [under his breath] I don't know about that. Michael michael That was Stanley. "Meredith, happy birthday, you're the best. Love, Pam." Meredith meredith [pretends to vomit] Huh! Thanks, downer. Michael michael This is from Michael. "Meredith, let's hope the only downsizing that happens to you is that someone downsizes your age." Meredith meredith Because of the downsizing. Rumors. And because you're gettin' old. Michael michael No, I... I get it. It's funny. Meredith meredith [laughs] You didn't get the joke. So, that's cool. That's, you know what? Actually... I have a bunch of these, good ones, that I didn't use. Um... Oh, where's that? Oh, OK, here's a good one. Um... "Hey Meredith, Liz Taylor called, she wants her age back and her divorces back." 'Cause Meredith's been divorced like, twice. Is that right? Michael michael You're right. You're right. Yes. Meredith meredith Divorce. Um... OK, "Meredith is so old..." Michael michael How old is she? Oscar oscar Everybody? If... could do it? "Meredith is so old..." Michael michael How old is she? Everybody everybody "She's so old, she went into an antique store and they kept her." Michael michael That wasn't even mine. I got that off the Internet. Website. Um, don't get mad at me. Michael michael Uh, nice party Michael. Oscar oscar This isn't my fault. Ladies, not your best effort. The streamers? I think we could have done better than that. Michael michael Phyllis wanted red, I didn't. Angela angela Oh, boy... You... Phyllis phyllis OK, we... all right. People, hold on, hold on. Just a second. OK, I think we're losing sight of what is really important here. And that is that we are... a group of people... who work together. I was... I really wasn't gonna flaunt this. I have made a very sizable donation to Oscar's nephew's... walkathon. $25. Michael michael Per mile. Oscar oscar Per mile, yes. Michael michael When I retire, I... don't want to just disappear to an island somewhere. I wanna be the guy who gives everything back. Michael michael A check for the kids, and for the team. Michael michael I want it to be like... "Hey, who donated that hospital wing that is saving so many lives?" "Um, well, I don't, I don't know. It was anonymous." "Well, guess what, [whispering] that was Michael Scott." "But it was anonymous, how do you know?" "Because I'm him." Michael michael Thank you, Michael. Oscar oscar Come here. [hugs Oscar and In a low voice] Don't cash that till Friday, OK? Michael michael Really? Today? Toby toby Yeah. Ryan ryan Oh, Happy Birthday. Toby toby Thanks. Ryan ryan Yeah, I could say something. Toby toby No, don't. Don't do that. Ryan ryan OK, OK. I have something that totally tops the box. Jim jim Oh, tell me, tell me. Pam pam OK. I have just convinced Dwight that he needs to go to Stamford and... [Pam starts laughing]... spy on our other branch. No no no. Jim jim But before he does so, I told him that he should dye his hair to go undercover. Jim jim [laughing] That's perfect! Pam pam If we can get him to drive to Connecticut... and put peroxide in his hair... Jim jim [yelling] What the hell is this? What are you trying to cop a feel or something? Huh Halpert? Roy roy No, no, dude, no. Jim jim Hey, Hey! Pam pam No, dude, no, I was just, listen! Whoa. Jim jim Come on. Pam pam God, I don't even, I don't even know how to explain this. Uh, um... Dwight, uh, asked me to be in an alliance. And then um... um... we were... we've just been messing with him. Uh, because of the whole alliance thing. Um... Jim jim It's just office pranks. Pam pam It's stupid. It's, it's just office pranks. Jim jim [looking at Dwight] An alliance? What the hell is he talking about? Roy roy I have absolutely no idea. Dwight dwight Come on. Roy roy Do I feel bad about betraying Jim? Not at all. That's the game. Convince him we're in an alliance, get some information, throw him to the wolves. Dwight dwight [With blonde hair] That's politics baby. Get what you can out of someone, then crush them. I think Jim might have learned a very valuable lesson. Dwight dwight Good, excellent, and file sharing off and done. Security software, 128-bit encryption, firewalls. Get up, I'll install it on your computer. Dwight dwight No thanks. Jim jim Pssh, stupid. Identity theft happens all the time. I can become you like that. [snaps fingers] But no one can become me. Dwight dwight No one wants to be you, Dwight. Jim jim Not true. And if they did, they couldn't because I'm password protected. Dwight dwight Is your password Frodo? Jim jim No. [typing on keyboard] Dwight dwight Did you just change it to Gollum? Jim jim No. [typing on keyboard] Dwight dwight [telephone rings] Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. Hold please. Pam pam All righty then, well I see you're going for the whole bored supermodel thing. "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. May I help you?" [takes a drag from an imaginary cigarette] Smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke. Michael michael I wasn't really going for anything. Pam pam No, no. I get it, I get it, I get it. A child is born, "Oh, oh-hum." A beautiful sunset, "No, I'll catch the next one." Right? Unicorn walks into the office, "Oh, do you have an appointment?" [laughs] Okay, look Pam this is not meant as a criticism, but let me tell you what you're doing wrong. You are the voice of this company, right? And when clients call and you're not smiling they can hear that in your voice. It is a real turnoff. Michael michael Are you being serious? Pam pam Yes, I am, absolutely. So, the next call we get I'd like you to smile. I'd like to see a big smile. Michael michael Okay. Pam pam Okay. [waits for call] Michael michael No one's calling. Pam pam I know, somebody will. And we'll wait. Michael michael Sometimes there's a lot of time between the calls. Pam pam I know, I know, we will wait. Michael michael Okay. Pam pam We will wait for the call and you will smile. Let me try something, just while we're waiting. Michael michael Okay. Pam pam Tell me if I'm smiling or not. [covers face with hands] Hi Pam, how are you? Was I smiling? Michael michael Yes. Pam pam Okay, let me try this one. [covers face with hands] Hi Pam, how are you? Michael michael No. Pam pam I mean you can tell. Michael michael Yeah, I could tell. Pam pam I wasn't smiling that time and they can tell too. Michael michael That was a good example. Pam pam Thank you. All right, when we get a call I'll come back and you'll do the smile. Michael michael Okay. [telephone rings] Pam pam Show time! It's show time! Michael michael [smiling] Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam. One moment I'll transfer you. Pam pam Okay. Michael michael [throwing away a banana, mayonnaise, and a sandwich from the refrigerator, smells the mayonnaise] God. [drinks from the milk carton and puts it back] Mmm. Dwight dwight [looks in the refrigerator] Hey Dwight, my tuna sandwich isn't in the refrigerator. You wouldn't know anything about that would you? Jim jim It was rotting. Dwight dwight It was not rotting. Jim jim Any employee may dispose a food item... Dwight dwight Stop. Dwight, stop. Jim jim ...that risks contaminating the other food item. Read the official kitchen regulations memo. Dwight dwight Dwight, you wrote that memo. Okay, it's not an official memo. Jim jim Uh, uh, not my problem. Okay, this is a paper factory not a bacteria factory. Dwight dwight Dwight, it's not a factory at all. Do you have to do what you are doing? [Dwight is tapping each of the bobble heads on his desk and making them bobble] Jim jim Uh, if they don't bobble, what's the point? Dwight dwight What is this? Angela angela My nephew does it every year. Anything you could give would be fantastic. Oscar oscar Okay, but I don't want to be put on a mailing list. Angela angela We need to assume that everyone in the office is forming an alliance and is therefore trying to get us kicked off. Jim jim God... Damn it! Why us? Dwight dwight Because we're strong, Dwight. Because we're strong. God, it's freezing, I gotta go in. You stay though for like five minutes. Jim jim [talking over Jim] Okay. Dwight dwight You don't want to arouse suspicion. Jim jim I'll stay for ten. Dwight dwight Good. I like it. You know what. Pretend to smoke. [Dwight pretends to smoke] Jim jim Do a poem for Meredith's birthday or uh, limerick. Limerick. Um, [knock on door] there was a girl from Dunder Mifflin. Come on in. Who had a big, smifflin. Michael michael Hi, do you mind if I sign the card real quick? Toby toby No, not at all come on in. [Toby signing the birthday card] No, no. You can't. No, red hair is my area. We have it on tape, so... Michael michael It's just a birthday card. Toby toby I was going to put that in my message, Toby. All right? So just cross it off. Cross it off, now. [Toby writes on birthday card] What are you doing? Oh come on, you're ruining it. Toby, come on. Just, look at that. That's wrecked. Ass. Get some white out. Michael michael There's some right there. Toby toby That's my white out. Get your own white out. Just... what's the matter with you? God. [Toby leaves] Okay, um, there was a girl from Dunder Mifflin. Who had a big, puttifflin. [thinking out loud] Mifflin, spifflin. Michael michael Uh, by the way. Have you heard Dwight say the word immunity, yet? Because if I can get Dwight to say the word immunity, it might be the greatest day of my life. Jim jim Hey. Dwight dwight Hey. Michael michael You wanted to see me? Dwight dwight Uh, yeah. What do you know about Meredith? Michael michael I don't think she'd be missed. Dwight dwight There's not going to be downsizing Dwight, OK? I just, I need to know a little bit more about my friend. Michael michael Name, Meredith Palmer. Uh, personal information, divorced twice, two kids. Uh, Employer, Dunder Mifflin Paper Incorporated. Awards, multiple Dundies. Dwight dwight I know all that. I know all that. I just, I need something kind of embarrassing, you know. Kind of fun, inside. Michael michael She had a hysterectomy. Dwight dwight Which one is that again? Michael michael That's where they remove the uterus. Dwight dwight Oh God! Dwight, no. I'm trying to write something funny here, okay. What am I going to do with a removed uterus? Michael michael It could be kind of funny. Dwight dwight [sighs] Come up with a joke that I can use, okay? Michael michael Mmm-hmm. Dwight dwight Help me out here. Michael michael Okay. Hey Meredith, where's your uterus? Dwight dwight No, not a uterus joke Dwight. Please. Something useable. A joke. Michael michael If I find a joke for you, will you grant me immunity? [cut to Jim holding his hands up like a champion] Dwight dwight What? Michael michael From the downsizing. Dwight dwight There's not going to be downsizing, Dwight. You know what, I am on a deadline here and just, okay. Thanks. Thanks for your help. I'm... I'll work it out. Thank you Dwight. [Dwight leaves] Thanks for coming in, that's always... Always helpful when I give him a call. Call him in. Michael michael Meredith. Oh, oh man, ah gosh. I can't remember why I came over here. Ha, ha. Michael michael I hate that. Meredith meredith I know. Ugh, that is so annoying. [makes fart noise] Brain fart. By the way, do you remember any funny interactions we may have had recently that I've forgotten about? Just, you know we bumped into each and you said, "Brr, brr." And I went, "Argh, Argh." You know? Anything? [shakes her head 'no'] Well, if you think of something, let me know. 'Cause I like to know. 'Cause I'm going crazy. Michael michael Oscar, uh for future reference just think you should know, that you should probably make it clear that your nephew is doing the walkathon and that he doesn't actually have cerebral palsy. Okay. Michael michael I never suggested... Oscar oscar No, no. I know you didn't intend to, but I just I got the idea and I, uh, I just don't it has a lot of ethical merit to make people think something. You know? And then prey on their emotions. Michael michael Michael, if I gave you... Oscar oscar No, hey it's just kinda uncool, okay? I, just... Play fair, you know, play fair. Michael michael Thank you. Oscar oscar Thank you. Michael michael Okay. Oscar oscar "Meredith, let's hope the only downsizing that happens to you is that someone downsizes your age." Meredith meredith Because of the downsizing. Rumors. And because you're gettin' old. Michael michael No, I...I get it. It's funny. Meredith meredith [laughs] You didn't get the joke. So, that's cool. That's, you know what? Actually... I have a bunch of these, good ones, that I didn't use. Um... Oh, where's that? Oh, Okay, here's a good one. Um..."Hey Meredith, Liz Taylor called, she wants her age back and her divorces back." 'Cause Meredith's been divorced like, twice. Is that right? Michael michael You're right. You're right. Yes. Meredith meredith Divorce. Um... Okay, "Meredith is so old..." Michael michael How old is she? Oscar oscar If everybody... could do it? "Meredith is so old..." Michael michael How old is she? Everybody everybody "She's so old, she went into an antique store and they kept her." Michael michael [clears throat] What's the difference between Meredith and Michael Jackson? Michael Jackson's surgery was unnecessary. Michael michael You're talking about my hysterectomy. Meredith meredith Yes! Thank you. God. She gets it. [laughs] We just picked the best one right? Just had it. Michael michael [whispering] I'm so sorry. [Angela, Phyllis, and Pam all whispering] ... seriously, we're just... Pam pam Um, no, no. Come on. No. Don't comfort... don't comfort her, that's not... She doesn't need comforting. We're just joking around. I think she's... No that's very unprofessional. I think she's being very unprofessional over there. Michael michael I'm only going to ask you this once. Are you part of an alliance? Dwight dwight What? Ryan ryan Well played. Dwight dwight