[looking at Angela's costume] Approved! Andy andy [claps] Chef from South Park, it's genius! Andy andy Just some chef. Stanley stanley I've decided to pre-screen all the Halloween costumes this year. I have three simple rules - don't be offensive, don't be cliche, and don't take the first two rules too seriously. Andy andy The gorilla from Rise of the Planet of the Apes? Huh? The one who sacrifices his life. Kevin kevin Whoa! Aw, spoiler alert. Andy andy It's been out for ages, man. Kevin kevin Costume vetoed. Andy andy Ah, it's, uh... somebody's already called that. Andy andy Who? Phyllis phyllis Kevin has a gorilla suit you could borrow. Andy andy This is ridiculous! Why can't there just be two Kate Middleton's? Kelly kelly Guys, I know, I mean, I wish there could be, too. It's like, I can't choose. They're both amazing. It's just... Andy andy Look, I stayed up all night and I watched that gd wedding, and then I came to work and I made everyone else watch it all day. Meredith wasn't even here. Kelly kelly Because I was there. [shows Kelly her cell phone video] Your the people's princess! Diana was nothing! Meredith meredith I thought you were at your sister's funeral. Andy andy What I said was, "My sister's funeral is this weekend." Didn't say I'd be there. Meredith meredith Why is it such a shock that I follow the royal story? Warms my heart, thinking about them two kids, doing it. Meredith meredith Um, can I, maybe, squeeze through? Andy andy Here you go. Erin erin There you go. Thank you. Andy andy When they talk about all the nice things about dating a coworker, they don't mention one of the best parts. After you're done dating, you still get to work together, every single day. Erin erin Jim, put it on. Kevin kevin Put it on, man. Darryl darryl I don't know if I can. Jim jim Come on, the Three Amigos. Kevin kevin Three Kings. Darryl darryl Alright. Jim jim I know, I know, I know. But Darryl and Kevin needed a third. They bought me this jersey. I said no. Kevin started crying. So, I am Chris Bosh. Jim jim [to Kelly] If you get into season 1, you can really... Ryan ryan [Dwight walks in] Oh my god, what the hell is wrong with you? Kelly kelly It's called a costume. Dwight dwight What are you, some kind of Jamaican zombie woman? Kelly kelly Ryan, will you please tell her who I am? Dwight dwight Whoopi Goldberg. Ryan ryan Has no one here heard of Kerrigan, from Starcraft? Queen of blades? It's all Toby's fault. Dwight dwight Every Halloween I tell him the same thing - You can't bring weapons into the office, and every year he says the same thing - As soon as I get my weapons back I'm gonna kill you. But there I am at Thanksgiving, alive, you know. I'm a lucky turkey. Toby toby Everybody looking good, this is, this is the best we can do? I'm not judging, I, I think you guys look great, I just... wanna make sure this is the best we can do? Andy andy I just got a text from Broccoli Rob - "Boo!" Scared me. And then I got this text from Robert California - "Looking forward to Halloween party. Expectations are high." Scared the s**t out of me. Andy andy G'day, Pameroo. Could you shoot this off for me? Andy andy Yeah. Pam pam Australian accent... Andy andy [faxing, Erin watching over her shoulder] What are you doing? Pam pam Oh, I just wanted to see how you do it, if you're doing something I don't. Erin erin Oh. [sends fax, Erin nods] Are you... Pam pam That Andy, so hot and cold. One day he's like, fax these documents, please. The next he's like, Pam, you fax them, who cares what Erin's feeling, right? Erin erin Oh, Erin... Pam pam Pam, how would you rate me as a receptionist on a scale of 1 to 3? Erin erin Um, 2? Pam pam That's like, the second to last thing I wanted to hear. Erin erin No, I mean, you're doing great, and Andy put you in charge of the whole party, right? Pam pam Yeah... Erin erin Yeah. Pam pam Send completed. You are the best in the biz, I can't deny. Erin erin Bob and I are doing this Scranton Haunted Walking Tour. Phyllis phyllis I always wondered what kind of people went on that thing. Oscar oscar Oh, hey, if you go by the Banshee Pub, tell the Man In Black I say hello. Pam pam [sigh] What happened, Pam? Oscar oscar Okay. When I was 22, I worked there and everybody said the place was haunted. I didn't believe it until one day before we opened, I look up into the mirror, you know, behind the bar, and I see this old man dressed all in black, but when I turn around, there's no one there. So, I tell the cook my story... Pam pam Wait, they have food there? Phyllis phyllis ...and he said, That's what everyone sees, that's the Man In Black. Pam pam No! My wife does not believe in ghosts. Jim jim Hey. Jim jim Hey! Pam pam Oh, this Man In Black thing, what do you think that was about? Jim jim What do you mean? Pam pam Was it, like, trickery in the lights, or maybe you were so primed to see it, then there it was? Jim jim I saw a ghost. Pam pam Mmhmm. No, but what I'm saying is, like, do you ever wonder what it was? Jim jim It was a ghost, I told you this on, like, our first date. Pam pam Yeah, I had just told you about the day that I met the Blue Angels. I figured you had to top it. Jim jim I don't know what to tell you, Jim, but I saw a ghost. Pam pam Hey! Uh-oh, looks like we're under a Jack attack! Andy andy Yes, Andrew. And you, on this day of fantasy, are a laborer. Robert robert Yes. Andy andy Everyone, this Bert, my son. Bert, this is... a paper company. Robert robert [everyone greets Bert] None none Hello. Can I use a computer? I need to check a hurricane. Bert bert Here, use this one. [walking to Jim's desk] Robert robert [Jim shakes his head "no", Andy motions to him to "shh"] None none Oh, look, Pin The Wart On The Wench. How did you know I was bringing my son? Robert robert Oh, I didn't. It was for us, but he can play. Bertie-boy, would you like to play this game? Erin erin That stuff's for babies. Bert bert Well, perhaps this party will awaken the baby in all of us. Robert robert Wow, who shot our grown-up party with a kiddie raygun? We're still getting it set up, it's gonna be really cool. Andy andy [laughing] Extraordinary. Did you plan this? Robert robert Well, Toby and I did, yeah. Kelly kelly And I overheard, and thought, hey, that'd be fun, don't mind if I do. Gabe gabe If you turn out the lights we'll do a little dance. Toby toby 1, 2, 3! Kelly kelly [singing and dancing] Dem bones, dem bones, dem tired bones, now we're the skeleton crew. {Gabe}/{Kelly}/{Toby} gabe kelly toby [laughing and clapping] Delightful. Robert robert Thank you. [Gabe mumbles] Kelly kelly Now then, how are we today? Robert robert Fine. Kelly kelly Great. Toby toby Just fine, Kelly? Everything alright? Robert robert Mmhmm. Kelly kelly You feeling fulfilled in your life? Robert robert I guess. Kelly kelly You guess? So, there is something you want that you do not have. Robert robert I try not to think about it. Kelly kelly Because it's too terrifying to imagine. Now we're cooking. What is it, Kelly? What is this great fear of yours? Robert robert Never marrying. Kelly kelly Yes. Dying alone, that is very scary. And how are you, Toby? Robert robert So great. Toby toby [Angela takes the pumpking decoration off of the window] None none Oh, I put those up. Erin erin I know. I'm taking them down. Angela angela I almost wonder if putting nothing on this wall is more Halloween-y. Phyllis phyllis I don't know about this, guys, Andy put me in charge of the Halloween party, so... Erin erin Well, Andy sent us in here, so which is it? Angela angela Oh. Erin erin So, can we speak our minds now, or are we still sparing feelings, because I hate all of this. Angela angela Very low pressure in the Sargasso Sea, warm air from South America, cold air from Greenland. All signs point to the perfect storm. Bert bert Yeah, perfectly mediocre. Dwight dwight What are you, anyway? Bert bert I'm a Jamaican zombie woman, leave me alone, ghoul. Dwight dwight If you had some really big wings with blades on the end, you'd kind of look like Kerrigan from Starcraft. Bert bert Damnit. I AM Kerrigan from Starcraft! I've been censored. Dwight dwight If you're going to be a Zerg, at least be a Lurker, not some girl. Bert bert Kerrigan is ruler of the Zerg swarm! Dwight dwight Yeah, she also has boobs. Bert bert Yeah, but no nipples. Dwight dwight Hey. Erin erin Hey. What's up? Andy andy November's sure creeping up, ain't it? Can't stop that month! Erin erin Yeah... Andy andy Hey, what's the jive with Angela and Phyllis helping with the party, you know? Erin erin Um, I just thought you could use some help, you know, because Robert came in and thought the party seemed a little kiddie, and I guess I agreed, and maybe we could mix a little more 13 into the PG. Andy andy But that's it? There's nothing about me, or I? Erin erin Can we talk about it at the end of the day? I gotta call, gotta make a call. Andy andy Oh, yeah, sorry. Yes, we can. Erin erin [pretending to be on the phone] Yes. [laughs] I don't know. Mmhmm. Andy andy Gabe? Erin erin Sweetheart. Gabe gabe I'm throwing the Halloween Party and I just want to amp it up a little. I think it could use some extra pizazz. Erin erin Ok where does Gabe factor in? Gabe gabe Remember that Halloween party you took me to once? The one where I started crying as soon as I walked in and I didn't stop crying? Erin erin Yes. Lars and Decocco's Gabe gabe Ok. Let's say that I wanted this party to be a tiny, tiny bit like that one. Just... more adult... more... scary and sexy Erin erin I will make this sexier than you could ever imagine. Gabe gabe No - just scary. If we wanted ideas for scary stuff. Erin erin [laughs, eventually Erin joins him laughing] Oh that would be scary! Gabe gabe What are you thinking? Erin erin Ok let me go get it. Gabe gabe [answers phone] Pam Halpert. Pam pam Hey it's Jim Halpert. I was wondering if you wanted to see a movie tonight. Because I've read a lot about this really great documentary. Jim jim Is it called Ghostbusters? Pam pam [laughs] It's called Ghostbusters. Jim jim It didn't look like that. Pam pam It didn't have a buster sign around him? Why don't you draw him? Why don't we see this whole thing. Jim jim Ok fine I'll draw him. [hangs up phone and draws] Pam pam I ain't fraid of no ghost. [Pam holds up drawing of a hand with the middle finger raised] Whoa! Jim jim Mmhmm. Dwight are you eating a stick? Pam pam It's a root you idiot. Dwight dwight Everyone hates you. Bert bert That's really rude. I don't tell you hurricanes suck even though it's true. Dwight dwight What do you like? Tornadoes? Bert bert Try influenza. Dwight dwight Oh yeah? What's the vaccine you can take to avoid a hurricane? Bert bert Open up a newspaper. Oh look a hurricane's coming. I suppose you're going to tell me the scariest animal is a shark? Dwight dwight Try a box jelly fish. Bert bert You know that's... Jim jim What are we talking about? Robert robert I was talking about my wife and how she believes in ghosts. And then we had a little debate and Meredith said she believes in them too. Jim jim [to Kevin] You seem unimpressed. Ghosts don't scare you? Robert robert I'm only scared of real things like serial killers and kidnappers. Not things that don't exist like ghosts or mummies. Kevin kevin Mummies are real. There are mummies at museums. Oscar oscar Yeah [nervously]...prank Kevin kevin It's true. They've been preserved for thousands of years. They're all over. Robert robert [screaming] Why on Earth would a museum put a mummy in it?!? Kevin kevin Witch's brew? Erin erin I grew this party up real fast. Get out of here little kid party. Nobody loves you. And clean up your room! Grownups are going to use it later! Oooh! Erin erin Party looks fun doesn't it? Everybody seems to be in there having a great time. So maybe now would be a great time for me to pop back on the computer. Jim jim I'm using it. I'm about to play Starcraft with him [points to Dwight]. Bert bert [to Dwight] Are you serious? Jim jim Yeah I'm serious. Dwight dwight That's funny. Ok. Jim jim Loser. Dwight dwight Yeah. Bert bert Pam do you think anyone's going to notice I've worn this costume before? When I wasn't pregnant. You know I bet nobody would believe it still fits. Angela angela Hey guys. I'm an Oscar [gestures to face] liar [gestures to nametag saying "Representative Weiner] weiner. Oscar oscar Oh my god! Ryan ryan This party's tight. The fog is cool. Darryl darryl Thanks. It's on medium. Erin erin Perfect. Darryl darryl It really looks great. You did a great job. Andy andy Oh, so we don't have to have that talk. Erin erin We should still have that talk. Maybe you can come by my office at like 4:45? [Erin nods] Cool. Andy andy [in ghostly voice] Oookayyy everybody. Be prepared to be scared. Ok. [hits play on DVD player, "Do yes disturb meditations of horror" appears on screen, Gabe winks at Erin, on screen food deflates, a mouse crawls across a photograph of a woman, a person brushes very dirty teeth] Erin erin The cinema of the unsettling is a growing film movement. The most well known film in the genre is an hour long shot of a squirrel with diarrhea. Gabe gabe [cuts back to a Happy Birthday cake gushing blood when cut into, a doll melts, a woman eats food and puckers her face] Is that my grandmother? Oscar oscar What's the story? Andy andy There is no story. Oscar oscar Yeah it seems like there isn't a narrative. [on screen a man gets into a car] Maybe the filmmaker realized that even narrative is comforting. Gabe gabe What the hell is going on here? Stanley stanley I think we've seen enough. You can turn it off now. [everyone murmurs agreement] Yeah turn it off now. Andy andy How did you get in my car? Stanley stanley Where is this from? That is so upsetting! Oscar oscar That was awful. Robert I apologize. Andy andy I'm sorry. I got confused. I heard you wanted to make the party more adult. But I think I know what to do now [grabs box]. This game is called "pecker Poker". [fighting tears] It's the game of cards that gets you hard. Erin erin What we have here is a classic misunderstanding. Andy andy Why didn't you simply ask Andy to clarify? Asking is a very easy thing to do. You're obviously very close. [Andy and Erin look awkwardly at each other and Robert]. Oh I see. This no longer seems like my business [Robert sits]. Robert robert All I know is you wanted to have a talk with me and I got nervous so... Erin erin You were going to talk at the end of the... I'm not here. Robert robert Did you think I was going to fire you? No I wasn't. [to Robert] I'm sorry this must be really uncomfortable for you. Andy andy I'm never uncomfortable. Robert robert Ok. Erin I think you know I've been dating someone. Andy andy Sure. Erin erin And it's getting a little more serious. She's never come by. Andy andy And she's never called here. Unless it's your mom. Erin erin No I didn't want her to call because I thought it would be weird. But now it's weird that she's not calling. Andy andy Two dates? Three dates? Erin erin Thirty-one. Andy andy Wow. I'm so happy for you guys. Um let me know when you get to forty. I'll see you guys. Erin erin I should go. Robert robert I just don't get it, Pam. I mean, you're a rational person. Darryl darryl [whispering] Thank you. Jim jim Jim doesn't let me wash his NFL jersey during the playoffs. How is this any less logical? Pam pam Careful, whoa. First of all, it's not like I think that's going to help the Eagles win. Jim jim Really. Pam pam No. That is just a bunch of people participating in a collective thing that maybe the Eagles will hear about and want to play better. It's not... Jim jim Exactly. Kevin kevin Thank you. Jim jim Go, get up there right now. Dwight dwight Got it. Bert bert Dwight? Darryl darryl You wanna attack or let them come to us? Your call, B. Dwight dwight Unleash the hellstorm. Bert bert Dwight. Darryl darryl [laughs] Nice. Dwight dwight Dwight! Darryl darryl Got 'em. Go! Dwight dwight Is she Asian? Phyllis phyllis I don't know. She's from somewhere, I bet. Maybe from the forest. Erin erin Forest? Did Andy say his girlfriend's from the forest? Phyllis phyllis I don't know, Phyllis. Maybe she's from the city. Erin erin Hmm. Phyllis phyllis Looks terribly real, doesn't it, Creed? Robert robert No... Creed creed Are you scared of snakes? Robert robert You don't live as long as I have without a healthy fear of snakes, Bobby. Creed creed [in the bathroom with Robert[ Yeah, I guess sometimes I have nightmares about being buried alive. Darryl darryl [talking to Robert] Honestly, Jim gives me the creeps. Meredith meredith [to camera] What am I up to? Robert robert Like, a few years down the road, Cece says, "Mom, there's a ghost in my closet." Now, you say one of two things - one, "You're just having a bad dream," or two, "Let's go see what it was." Jim jim I'm not gonna freak her out, Jim. Pam pam Ok. Jim jim I'm not gonna lie to her, either. Pam pam Oh, come on! Jim jim When I was a boy, there was an empty house just up the hill from my family's. It was rumored a man committed suicide there after being possessed by the devil. One day, a young woman, Lydia, moved into the house with her infant child. That very night, Lydia was awakened by a loud, heinous hissing sound. [hisses] She walked to the nursery, and there, in baby's crib, was a snake wrapped around baby's neck, squeezing tighter and tighter. Robert robert Oh my goodness. Creed creed The crib was full of dirt. Baby struggled to free itself from underneath, reaching and clawing, gasping for air. Embalmed bodies rose from their sarcophagi, lurching toward baby, for they were mummies. Robert robert Nooo! Kevin kevin Amongst them was a man, tall, slim. Robert robert Jim. [rolls eyes] Meredith meredith Almost instinctively, she turned to her husband. "Oh, wait," she thought, "I don't have a husband." For Lydia and her husband had had an argument, one they couldn't get past. Each night, they slept one inch farther apart, until one night, Lydia left. It was about this time she lost herself in imaginary worlds. She had quit the book club, the choir, citing something about their high expectations. Her lips slowly grew together from disuse. Everytime she wanted to act and didn't, another part of her face hardened, until it was stone. And that fevered night, she rushed to the nursery, threw open the door, "Baby, are you okay?" Baby sat up slowly, turned to mother and said, "I'm fine, b!tch, I'm fine." Robert robert [laughs] Bert bert Fear plays an interesting role in our lives. How dare we let it motivate us. How dare we let it into our decision making, into our livelihoods, into our relationships. It's funny, isn't it, we take a day a year to dress up in costume and celebrate fear. Robert robert Toby? Bert bert Oh, hey, Bert. Wanna see the dance? Dem bones, dem bones, dem dry... Toby toby You're fired. Bert bert ...bones. What? Toby toby You heard me. Pack your things. Bert bert What... you can't... Gabe? Are you... Toby toby I'm the CEO's son. Pack your things. You're done. Bert bert Oh, no. Angela angela Pink is the red- Jim jim What are we talking about? Robert robert I was talking about my wife, and how she believes in ghosts. And then we had a little debate. Meredith said she believes in them too. Jim jim Have you seen a ghost? Robert robert Seen and banged. Meredith meredith Hmph. Oscar oscar Ok, I met him in a bar, right? There's something weird about him. He doesn't smell right, the clothes are all tattered and dirty and from another age. Anyways, we end up back and my place and we go at it all night- Meredith meredith Meredith, don't. Oscar oscar No, no. I'm very comfortable with all things sexual. Continue. Robert robert I wake up the next morning, all my stuff's gone. Whole house turned over. No trace. You tell me what happened. Meredith meredith Have you considered the possibility that you slept with a drifter? Robert robert He didn't smell like a drifter. Meredith meredith What are you anyway? Bert bert I'm a Jamaican zombie woman. Leave me alone, ghoul. Dwight dwight I'm a zombie from Walking Dead. It's a show. Bert bert Uh, I know what it is. Ok? I have like a thousand people over every week to watch it. Ok? We all kinda hate it though. Dwight dwight Who's your favorite character? Bert bert The city of Atlanta. Dwight dwight If ghosts are real, how come everyone knows what they look like? It's not like a bunch of people got together and agreed on a lie. Stanley stanley Thank you. Pam pam Interesting. Every culture holds this true. Clearly, there's some sort of real phenomenon out there... Oscar oscar Oscar, how are you on that side? Jim jim This isn't about sides. This is about me seeing a blueish gray old man in the mirror and then he vanishes. Pam pam Pam, this is important. Was he me? Am I him? Creed creed No, Creed. Pam pam But that would make more sense. [Pam sighs] Jim jim