Next up, secretary Schrute will read the minutes from Sunday's meeting. Man man Minutes from previous meeting of Knights of the Night. No, Jim, hey! Dwight dwight Oh. Jim jim This meeting is for Knights of the Night only. Dwight dwight Knights of the Night are volunteer crime patrollers. We're often compared to the Guardian Angels, but we could not be more different from them. Seriously, we are nothing like the Guardian Angels. I mean, broad strokes purposes, sure. Think Guardian Angels. One of our many recent good deeds? We set out to capture the Scranton Strangler. Mission accomplished. Not by us. Dwight dwight I'm actually just looking for my Blackberry, so, carry on. Jim jim No, no, no, no, no. I see how this movie ends. You make fun of me, everyone laughs, ha, ha, ha... screw you! Dwight dwight Dwight, don't be bothered by your friend's presence. Man man What are you going to do now? Are you going to make fun of our leader's weird voice? Huh? [mimicking the leader's voice] Dwight, don't be bothered by the [mumbles]. Over the line, Jim. Dwight dwight I'm just looking for my phone, so... pretend I'm not here. Jim jim Fine. Minutes from previous meeting of Knights of the Night. That's our official name, Jim. Dwight dwight Sounds good. Jim jim Reflective strips were glued to patrol jackets. Knights went outside with flashlights to test them. Dwight dwight Smart. Jim jim And the rest was just [mumbles]stuff. Dwight dwight Go ahead and read it, some people weren't here. Man man Okay. Knights stayed outside to play flashlight tag. Dwight dwight Oh, come on, that sounds awesome. Jim jim It was pretty cool. Member member Was it? Jim jim It was fun. Member member It was pretty awesome. Dwight dwight [answers phone] Hey! Yeah. No, I got it. Just leaving now. Jim jim January three, 2011. A day which will live in-famously. Holly Partridge Flax, otherwise known as Holly, otherwise otherwise known as a living, breathing angel, is engaged to another man. This is freaking me out. I- okay, let's switch to the happy video, okay? No, no, no, no, let's push through. We'll do this. Michael michael Today will either be the best or the worst day of my life. Holly gave AJ an ultimatum. He either proposes by New Year's or they break up. Now, if she's engaged, I'm gonna go crazy, and I'm gonna start attacking people. If she's not engaged, in all honesty, I may just burn this whole place to the ground out of happiness. Either way, I am going to need some talking down. And nobody talks me down like myself in a video talking me down. Michael michael [filming video] Michael, I know what you're thinking. Holly's engaged to another man, and you want to kill yourself. It may seem like a good idea, but it's not. Michael michael [giggles] Snot. Sorry, it sounded like you said it's snot. I am so sorry. Erin erin Okay, so killing yourself. [laughs] I was just thinking about snot. Michael michael Good morning. Angela angela Hey, guys! Fun thing. The index cards on your desk are resolution cards. You write your New Year's resolution on them, I'll collect them, and then display them on... da-da-da-da-da! This! Resolution board. Pam pam Wow. Did your baby draw that? Dwight dwight The glitter is blinding. Angela angela I think it's good. Phyllis phyllis It's gonna be fun. Pam pam I recently met Sue, the office administrator at Vance Refrigeration. She has this awesome wall full of fun initiatives and morale boosters and stuff. Sue just goes for it, she's awesome. Pam pam I know Sue. She's not that great. And you know her husband's in a wheelchair, right? Phyllis phyllis Okay, champagne. Erin erin Happy. Michael michael Sponge. Erin erin Sad. To soak up my tears. Michael michael Gummi bears and gummi worms. Erin erin Bears sad, worms happy. Come on, Erin. Michael michael Ukulele's happy? Erin erin Sad, something to break. Michael michael Chocolates. Erin erin For you, job well done. Michael michael Thank you! And two bottles of scotch. Erin erin Both sad. Michael michael And did you get the tickets? Erin erin I did! I did, indeed. Two front row center, to Paula Poundstone, Live in Poughkeepsie. Holly's favorite. I hope she doesn't call us up on stage. That would suck. "Hey, you think you can do my job better?" I don't know. "What's your name?" Michael. Michael michael I'm really excited for Michael either way. Because if Holly chooses to be with him, he will be so, so happy. And if not, he'll be avoiding the biggest mistake of his life! Erin erin Oh, hey, guys! I'd like to introduce you to a new little friend of mine. His name is New Year's resolution board. Pam pam Shaaa-shut up. Hello. Michael michael What happened? Is there a ring? Kelly kelly So... high five me. We're back. To a happy... [grabs Holly's hand] look at those! Mittens. Are those a present? Michael michael [whispering] Come on! Kelly kelly They're warm. Holly holly They're so fuzzy and warm! Let me feel those. Let me feel that. Put 'er there. Give me a good firm... ooh! That's a good firm handshake. You're hired! Yes, let's get right into the Anderson account, shall we? Yes, yes, right away. Michael michael Hey, hey, hey. Want me to crank the thermostat up to 90, smoke her out? She can't keep those mittens on forever. Dwight dwight Yes, no, why? Stop! Yes. Michael michael [Holly takes off mittens revealing no ring on her ring finger] Congratu-ohhh. Kevin kevin Wow. Kelly kelly Oh my God! That's it! That's it! Michael michael Oh, I get it. Everybody knows about the ultimatum. Holly holly Yes, I told everyone. Kelly kelly [sticking both ring fingers up] Ha ha, ha ha! Holly holly Hey! [sticking up middle finger] Right back atcha, bitch! Kevin kevin Happy! Happy, happy, happy, happy! Michael michael Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, calm down, breathe. {Michael} in Video michael I'm trying! Michael michael I said breathe! {Michael} in Video michael I'm trying! Michael michael Wait a second, are you listening to music? {Michael} in Video michael What? Michael michael Shut that off! {Michael} in Video michael I'm not listening to music! Michael michael Fine, just go crazy for a little while! Lookin' good! You're lookin' good. [roping Michael in] Oh, I gotcha! I gotcha! I'm pulling you back! Michael dance off! {Michael} in Video michael Go! Oh, that's nice. Michael michael Go! {Michael} in Video michael Me? Okay. Michael michael Go! Erin erin Nice! We're gonna calm down later. {Michael} in Video michael I'm good. Michael michael Oh, yeah! Erin erin Oh my God! [sprays champagne on Erin] Michael michael Hey, Dwight, I'm collecting resolution cards. Pam pam Not doing that. Dwight dwight Why not? Pam pam I've achieved plenty and there's no better than the best. Dwight dwight Drink less caffeine. That's a good one, Pam. Here's mine. Andy andy Learn to cook for one! Pam pam Yeah. I love cooking, but I always find myself throwing out half the food that I prepare, so... two years is time to just start preparing the right amount of food for the right number of people, which is one. Andy andy Well, maybe you'll meet someone. Pam pam No, some people don't just meet someone. I'm fine with it. Really. This is not a pity party. It's not a party at all. It's just sad. Andy andy Angela. Pam pam Yes. Angela angela Make time for romance! Pam pam Who's the senator? Oscar oscar My boyfriend. Angela angela Oh, you mean the state senator. I'm sorry, I was confused, because you accidentally wrote 'the senator'. Oscar oscar Ugh. Angela angela Wait, it's that easy? That's not a resolution, that's just... something I want to do. Okay, fine. I can do that... [sticks note card on board, makes trumpet sound] My resolution is... meet a loose woman. Dwight dwight Oh, God. Angela angela That's a good one. Andy andy Yeah. Dwight dwight You know what, that's my new one. I'm taking that one, too. Andy andy Awesome. Dwight dwight You know what you guys should do? Go to the bookstore at lunch. There's tons of cuties and it's easy to talk to them. 'Hey, what book is that? Cool, let's hang out tonight. Sex already? Whoa...' Darryl darryl The bookstore? Andy andy It's that easy? Dwight dwight I'll come with you, show you how it's done. Darryl darryl Okay, I'll drive. Dwight dwight My resolution is to read more. And if someone else is driving me to the bookstore, I can eat my PB&J in the car. 2011 is coming up all Darryl. Darryl darryl Hello! Oh, somebody's got a new phone! Michael michael Yeah. Holly holly That is neat. Michael michael I got it for Christmas. I'm so out of my league here. Holly holly [imitating E.T.] E.T. phone Holly. Holly like phone? Michael michael [imitating E.T.] Holly misses old phone. Holly holly [imitating E.T.] Why? Michael michael [imitating E.T.] New phone is confusing. Gets bad reception. Holly holly [imitating E.T.] Bummer. Michael michael [imitating E.T.] Bummer. Holly holly [imitating E.T.] Reese's Pieces. Michael michael [imitating E.T.] Reese's Pieces? Holly holly Oh, God, please stop! Kelly kelly I still have my old phone. This thing... indestructible. [slams phone on desk, phone breaks] Michael michael [reaches for her cell phone] Oh, I should get this. Hey! Oh, no, don't go see that one, I want to see that together. Yeah, go see that action one. Okay. I love you, too. All right. Holly holly Holly doesn't seem to be engaged, but she's talking to AJ like she is. I can't figure it out. Do you think she's already dating a different AJ? Michael michael I don't think so. Pam pam When you broke it off with Roy, did you still tell him you loved him? Michael michael No. Pam pam But you did still love him. Michael michael I'm not... I'm not going to have... Pam pam Do you love him now? Michael michael No! Just talk to her. Pam pam No. She'd just resent me. Or worse! She would think of me as her friend. [disgusted voice] Oh, hi friend! Blegh. Michael michael I'll talk to her, Michael. Phyllis phyllis You think she'd talk to you? Michael michael Why wouldn't she? Phyllis phyllis That's true. She's really nice. She'd talk to anybody. Why don't you bring Erin to balance you out? Michael michael There's a plan. Pam pam All right! We should divide up by section. I will take romance and travel. Andy andy I'll take the entirety of the second floor. Dwight dwight I got that cutie behind the counter. Darryl darryl Well, if you read a lot, you should check out our e-readers. They're really neat. Bookstore Employee bookstore-employee Whoa, I work at a paper company, those things terrify me. They could put us out of business, you know? I heard those machines hold like, ten books at once. Darryl darryl Actually, it's ten thousand. Bookstore Employee bookstore-employee Holy [bleep], what? Let me see that. It's so light. Like a croissant. Darryl darryl Hi. Andy andy Hi. Customer customer Welcome. Dwight dwight Let us know if you need anything. Andy andy Thanks. Customer customer Why did we pretend like we work here? Andy andy Is that what we were doing? Dwight dwight Hey, how'd you do? Darryl darryl Good! Andy andy Good. Real good. Dwight dwight Really? Darryl darryl Yeah, yeah! Dwight dwight We kinda nailed it. Andy andy Yeah, pretty much. But, you know, this place is kinda tapped out, so. Let's roll. Dwight dwight Cool. Darryl darryl Okay. What'd you get? Dwight dwight A book about oceans. Darryl darryl Oh, really? What else? Let me see. Dwight dwight No, that's uh. Porn. Pornography. Old lady... nasty... porn. Darryl darryl [whispering] Follow my lead. Hey, want some company? Phyllis phyllis Want some company? Erin erin Oh, sure. Have a seat. How were your breaks? Holly holly Oh, really good, I went to Portugal. Phyllis phyllis I went to Portugal. Erin erin Oh, wow... you went together? Holly holly No. Phyllis phyllis No. Erin erin So, I've just gotta know. What's going on with you and AJ? Phyllis phyllis Nothing really happened. I mean, I know I made a big deal about this whole New Year's deadline, but um, it came and went... and, we're still together. Holly holly You didn't break up with AJ at all? I mean, not even for a week to make him buy you a present? Phyllis phyllis It just wasn't fair of me to give him an ultimatum in the first place. The whole thing is totally my fault. But we're going to be just fine. Just fine. Holly holly Whoa! Hold on. Darryl darryl I am not going back until I fulfill my resolution. Dwight dwight [Dwight heads toward a strip club] Oh, no, no, no. Uh-uh. Darryl darryl Come on, why not? I've never been in one before. I'm tired of being Mr. Perfect Role Model all the time. Dwight dwight I'm telling you, don't do it. I've got nothing against strip clubs, but I do have something against them at noon on a Monday. The day shift at a strip club? You can't unsee that. Darryl darryl Well, we can't just go back, I mean, we came out to meet women. Dwight dwight Hey, there's a roller rink across the street! There's always chicks at the rink. Andy andy What kind of chicks are you going to meet there? Darryl darryl I don't know. Single moms at a skating party. Sweet sixteen, ten year reunion parties. Andy andy Chicks fall down, need help getting back up. Dwight dwight Roller derby practice! Andy andy We're going skating. Darryl darryl The goal of this meeting is to get everybody excited about their resolutions! Who's been good about their resolutions so far? Erin. Tell us about it. Pam pam Well, my goal was to learn a new word every single day. And I must say that it is going immensely. Erin erin Cool! Here's a little 'way to go' gift from Sabre. [tosses Erin a Frisbee] Pam pam Intercepted! Gabe gabe Hey! Gabe. Erin erin Whoops. Gabe gabe Creed. I noticed you don't have a resolution on the board. What's yours? Pam pam I want to do a cartwheel. But real casual-like. Not make a big deal about it. But I know everybody saw it. Just one stunning, gorgeous cartwheel. Creed creed How is it going? Pam pam I'm having a little trouble motivating. Creed creed One of the hardest parts about making resolutions is keeping them. In fact, most resolutions are abandoned by February. Pam pam Or sooner. Michael michael Yeah. Pam pam That's not a joke. Michael michael But that's okay. Because it's not about being perfect, it's about trying. In fact, why don't we go around and confess some of the ways that we've fudged on some of our resolutions? Pam pam Well, I said that I would eat more vegetables, and I haven't yet. But it's okay. I still have time, since last year, I ate none. Kevin kevin Okay, well, my confession is that today I had a sip of coffee. But that's fine. Pam pam Is it? Michael michael Yes! Because with all of your support, by this time next year maybe I'll be down to one glass of iced tea a week. Pam pam Next year? Come-I mean, what is the point? What is the point of that? I made a resolution to floss, and I did it. 12:01, January first, BAM! Blood everywhere. Michael michael Well not all of us are Michael Freaking Scott. Kevin kevin What is wrong with you people? Can't you stick to anything? Erin, I want you to go to the kitchen and get me some vegetables. Creed, you say you want to do a cartwheel? Nothing's stopping you. Come on, old man, do a cartwheel! Michael michael Well, I can't, I don't know how. Creed creed You're just gonna somersault around for the rest of your life and you know what's going to be on your tombstone? Loser. Michael michael My tombstone's already made, thank you. Creed creed Just do a cartwheel! Michael michael This is all I could find. Erin erin [holding broccoli in front of Kevin] Eat it. Michael michael You don't have to do that, Kevin. Pam pam I don't know. I'm glad this is happening. Thank you, Michael. Kevin kevin Why are you eating stem first? Kelly kelly This is a new food for me, how else should I eat it? Kevin kevin The other way. Ryan ryan Can I get some cheese whiz? Or hollandaise? Kevin kevin No. No cheese whiz, no hollandaise, no chocolate sauce, just eat it. Come on. Here comes the airplane, there you go. Open, open, into the hanger, there you go. Michael michael Oh, Michael. Pam pam Eat it. Put it in your mouth, and just eat it. Michael michael God, I hate it. Kevin kevin I don't care whether you hate it! You said you'd do it! Michael michael All right! Angela angela Eat it! Michael michael You're killing him, Michael! Kelly kelly All right, all right, shh! Michael michael All right, I ate the fluffy part, can I be done? Kevin kevin Let me see if you swallowed it, open your mouth. Under your tongue. [reveals hidden broccoli, spits it out] Oh, God! You guys are pathetic. Michael michael Can I get some candy, or something? Kevin kevin No! You can't have any candy! Michael michael I'll get him water. Oscar oscar Okay, Michael, just settle down. Pam pam [imitating E.T.] Holly Flax. Michael michael Yes, Michael? Holly holly [imitating E.T.] Not Michael, E.T. Michael michael What's up? Holly holly Well, I just want to talk about what happened in there. Michael michael Oh, no, Michael, I don't want to talk about it with you. I mean, I'm fine, I just... I don't want to talk about it. Holly holly Holly, come on in. Thanks for coming. I thought there should be an HR rep here for this. So, Kevin and Creed, things got a little bit intense in the conference room. Michael michael You think? Creed creed And I wanted to apologize. These resolutions should be about you, and I made it about me, and it was none of my beeswax. Michael michael You were super mean. Kevin kevin It was insensitive and I am sorry. Michael michael It was traumatizing, Michael. I wouldn't be surprised if I never ate a vegetable again. Kevin kevin I really wanted you to follow through on your resolutions. The cartwheel, the veggies... I... care about you. Very much. And you loom so large in my heart that I crossed the line. Michael michael Okay, Michael, no offense, but you need to get your own life. Kevin kevin You're right. And I hope that we can still be friends. Michael michael I don't think I'm there yet, Boss. Creed creed Well, I am. [hugs Michael] Kevin kevin Okay, oh! All right. Michael michael I'm going to help you. Kevin kevin Okay. Michael michael [at the skating rink]Hey, uh. It's just you. Anything you want to hear? DJ dj Um... Dave Matthews Band. No hits! Deep tracks only. Andy andy Okay. [Ants Go Marching starts playing] DJ dj I said no hits! Andy andy I just feel blocked. Like I'm living, but I'm not... Ryan ryan Hey, Ryan. Kevin kevin Yeah. Ryan ryan How's your fart project coming? Kevin kevin That's real, real classy, Kevin. Hey, was it me or you that just shoved the butt end of a pound of broccoli into my mouth because Michael told me to? Ryan ryan Me. Kevin kevin Kevin, don't! Come on! Pam pam Oh, Pam, soda. Caffeine! Kelly kelly Yeah, just a little, I have a lot to deal with today. Pam pam [holding a pack of cigarettes] Well, if you don't have to do 'em... Meredith meredith Meredith, what are you doing? I could be pregnant! Kelly kelly Okay, no. Ryan ryan My resolution was to get more attention. Kelly kelly No, she's lying. Ryan ryan Hey, Ryan. [taps board, makes farting noise] Kevin kevin One, two, three. [does cartwheel] I did it! I did a cartwheel! Erin erin [bleep] you! [bleep] you! God! Creed creed Okay, that's it. Pam pam [throws resolution board away in dumpster] Lesson learned. Pam pam Sup? Darryl darryl Hey! Where did you go? Andy andy To the arcade. Darryl darryl Oh, cool. Andy andy Why, did you meet someone? Darryl darryl Yeah, I did actually. His name is Andy, and he roller skates like a Greek god and you know what? I kinda like hanging out with him. Andy andy Right on, son. Darryl darryl Gentlemen. Dwight dwight And where did you go? Andy andy Strip club. I was looking at the strippers at the strip club. Dwight dwight Right. Darryl darryl So, that's it, guys? If you want, I can put on the strobe. DJ dj Yeah! Dwight dwight You want to keep this? Erin erin No. Michael michael Do you want to keep this? Erin erin Yup. Michael michael Do you want to keep this? Erin erin You can toss them. Michael michael My resolution? I never want to make Holly cry again. Unless it's from laughing too hard. Or making love too beautifully. Michael michael We're gonna be just fine. You know how you say something over and over and the words start to sound weird? Going to be just fine... just fine... just fine... just fine... Holly holly I just think we need to cool things down for awhile. Yeah, a break. At least until I get back to Nashua. Yeah, I'm sure. Holly holly Look at where you're going to be doing the cartwheel. So look at where you're going to be placing your hands. So pick a spot. Michael michael Mmmhm. Creed creed You ready to do this? Michael michael Yes, sir. Creed creed You know what? I'm going to stay here as long as it takes. Michael michael I really appreciate it, Boss. Creed creed It's about you. It's about you. Go! Michael michael I did it! Creed creed You did? Michael michael The perfect cartwheel. Creed creed Okay. Michael michael What a rush! That's all I had to do all year. Creed creed Congratulations. All right. Well, all right. See you tomorrow. Michael michael