It's Britney bitch. And I am back, in the form of a new company. The Michael Scott Paper Company. [tries to parallel park, hits car.] Okay. Not gonna make this one. [drives away revealing plenty of space for the Cruiser] Michael michael LOVE the hair. [Ryan walks up driveway with blonde dyed hair] Jim jim Morning Michael! Pam pam Hello! They took away my parking space but they can't take away my pride! [awkwardly climbs out of his car] Michael michael I would like to invite you all to come away with me, on a journey. [nips mylar ribbon with hedge clippers, it won't cut, he tears it down] Welcome! To the Michael Scott Paper Company! Michael michael So. I thought we could take the customer on a... Then. Then we could... Kelly kelly You realize you're not actually talking to me, right? Jim jim And... Kelly kelly Hey Kelly? Charles charles Yes? Charles, you wanted me? Kelly kelly Oh, I meant, I meant that Kelly. [New receptionist walks in] Charles charles The new receptionist is also named Kelly. So Kelly Kapoor has decided to hover around my desk, so that she can run into his Charles' office every time he calls for Kelly. She thinks if she says "You wanted me" enough, he will in fact want her. It's not the worse plan she's ever had. Jim jim Oh, and Kelly... Charles charles Yes Charles? Yes, you wanted me? Kelly kelly Okay, I'm gonna call you Kapoor, okay? And you, Hannon. Charles charles If we're changing names, can I be Erin? It's my middle name. Erin erin Erin. Okay, that's very pretty. Charles charles Well you know what my middle name is? Rajani Ghana! And I hate it! I hate it! Kelly kelly I thought Rajini Ghanda was a boy's name? Kevin kevin We are in the heart of it. [Bathroom sounds rattle the small office.] And the surge of water carries our business out to the sea. Michael michael What should we do now? Pam pam We wait, and hope that people show up to the pancake luncheon. Michael michael I don't know I think we've done absolutely everything you can do to prepare for the day. I've updated our contacts, I have gotten quotes from suppliers. I have sent out an E-vite for our big grand opening pancake luncheon. Six yeses, one maybe, only eleven noes. Um, and 788 not yet replieds. But of that group, 782 have viewed it. Michael michael I am going to need 800 of these, on nice bright paper. It is a coupon for unparalleled customer service. [He sets sheet between Pam and Ryan on desk. Neither takes it.] Michael michael I make that one copy, and I become the girl who makes copies, and by the end of the day I'm receptionist again. And the worst part is, I like making copies. The paper comes out all warm and stuff. And it's cold in there. Cause it's technically a closet. Pam pam What do you think? Andy andy Let me check. [Pulls out hunting scope] Oh nope! Clearly a hunter. Who knows how to throw an outfit together. Dwight dwight Thank you! Andy andy Yes, I am taking Andy hunting after work. Not long ago we were sexual competitors. I used to hate him, hate him, hate him, hate him. I studied him, to figure out why I hated him so much. But that blossomed into a very real friendship, as these things often do. Dwight dwight You should come into town this weekend man. Yeah, we'll hang out Scranton style. Ryan ryan Hey you said you were gonna be out of town this weekend. Michael michael Please don't listen to my phone calls. Yeah, she's like um, she'd probably be a Six in New York, but she's like a Seven here in Scranton. And then uh, my boss is my old boss from Dunder Mifflin. It's a small space. Ryan ryan Hey Jim can I get a, um- Charles charles Hi! [Awkward] Jim jim Hi. I need a rundown of your clients, can you get that to me. Charles charles Sure! Jim jim Yeah. Charles charles Okay. Jim jim What the hell's a rundown? Jim jim When did you need that rundown by? Jim jim As soon as possible. Charles charles Okay. Jim jim Just get it right. Charles charles Yeah. Gotcha. Of course. I'm gonna dive in. To the rundown. I'll be exhausted 'cause it's like a triathlon. [At door.] Do you want to close this? Close, or keep it? Jim jim Oh. Erin erin You know there's a ghost in this office Dwight dwight Really? Erin erin A woman was murdered on this very floor in 1816. Haddie McGonagle. She was a prostitute. Dwight dwight Why was she in this building? Erin erin Oh, this whole place used to be a brothel. There was a tavern on the ground floor. Dwight dwight That's crazy. Erin erin Yeah isn't it? She was bludgeoned to death by the business end of a riding crop. Dwight dwight Oh my god! Erin erin It was gruesome. They say she walks these hallways. If you ever feel a tapping on your shoulder? Dwight dwight Hmm. Erin erin That could be Haddie. Begging for her life. And it could mean, that you're next. [Taps her shoulder] Dwight dwight Oh! [Dwight and Erin laugh.] Erin erin Just kidding. You finding everything okay? Dwight dwight Yeah. Erin erin Yeah? Dwight dwight Just got some ice. Erin erin Erin [eerie voice] Erin... Dwight dwight Oh, this is awkward. [Andy and Erin 'dance' trying to get out of each other's way] Andy andy Oops! Erin erin Uh oh! Oh! Oh! [Andy improvs musical verbage] Andy andy So I'll see you guys around! Erin erin Hey buddy. Dwight dwight Hey Ryan? [Ryan watches Montgomery Flea Market ad on YouTube] Could you get to that copy from before? Michael michael Pam's better at that stuff Ryan ryan That is so insulting. Pam pam How is it insulting to say that you're good at something? Ryan ryan Because the thing you're saying I'm good at, is pushing a big green button a bunch of times. Pam pam I'm not judging it, it's like ... I could run GM but I couldn't fix a car. It's not saying one is better than the other. Ryan ryan Seriously? Because it sounds like one of those is better than the other. Pam pam What the hell? [Michael closed his laptop] Ryan ryan Listen. Listen listen listen listen listen listen. I need someone to make a copy of this. Because I don't make copies, I'm the boss. Got it? I make originals. Michael michael Yeah I make originals too. Ryan ryan Shut up! Pam pam Stop it stop it! Bickering! Stop it! Michael michael Really! Pam pam Yeah! Ryan ryan Not much? What's up with you? [from bathroom above] Nah it's okay. I'm in the bathroom. Hey you been watching Damages this year? It's so good. No, you gotta tune in, it's as good as anything on HBO. [sound of pissing] Hey does blue go with tan? Toby toby Would someone just make the copy? Michael michael I have like, like a blue shirt? I don't wear a lot of colors, I have a lot of tan. Uh huh. Toby toby Just make that copy okay? Michael michael Seriously? This is what's so important, putting naked pictures on the desktop? Pam pam That's me and my friend Jonathan from Thailand. Ryan ryan I don't want to look at your friend Jasmine's boobs all day. Pam pam You could be hot too if you made any effort. At all. Ryan ryan Like how? Dyeing my hair blond? Pam pam This is from the sun. Ryan ryan Oh yeah I bet. Pam pam They're getting on my nerves Mom. Both of them. R thinks he's too good to be here, and P is not as much fun without Jim. Michael michael Michael, we can hear you. Pam pam I'm on the phone, please. Mom, I'm gonna have to call you back. P's being a giant B. Michael michael Okay it's my turn. Pam pam No don't take that, give that back! Ryan ryan Give it back for what? What're you gonna do with it? Pam pam I'm gonna make a spreadsheet. Ryan ryan You're gonna make another "spreadsheet." Pam pam Yeah! Ryan ryan Yeah exactly. It's my turn. Pam pam Go make a copy, secretary. Ryan ryan Come on! Ryan! Pam pam They always say that it is a mistake to hire your friends and they are right! So, I hired my best friends. And this is what I get? Michael michael Hey buddy, what are you up to? Dwight dwight Um, nerthing? Andy andy Listen, when I saw you talking to Erin earlier, I noticed that your pupils dilated, and your skin flushed, and I'm assuming, a little bit of blood rushed into your penis. Dwight dwight Pffft. Andy andy Well, a little bit of blood rushed into mine as well, so where does that leave us? Dwight dwight The last thing I want to do, is step on your funk man. Andy andy And I, yours. So I will cede her to you. Dwight dwight No, that's ridiculous. Andy andy No no no. Dwight dwight Look you've been here longer, and besides, I'm a better wingman than I am a boyfriend so- Andy andy Look I just want you and I to hang out so, you know. Just, [They Hi-5 badly] Boom. Dwight dwight Listen up. It has come to my attention that some people in this office are not getting along with other people in this office. And I think I have come up with the reason why. This office space is too small. Michael michael Definitely. Pam pam Okay. There are ... 4 corners in this room. Each corner is to be a personal space for each one of you. Whichever corner you want. And make it your own. Michael michael We could work from home. Pam pam Or you could fire one of us. Whoever has less education. Ryan ryan Okay guys, thank you for the offers. But I want you to get pumped about this corner idea. All right? 1,2,3- What are we gonna do? Michael michael .... Corner idea? Pam pam No, you're supposed to say, "Rock the house." Michael michael Rock the house! Ryan ryan How would we know that? Pam pam Hey dude, you know what a "rundown" is? Jim jim Use it in a sentence. Oscar oscar "Uh, can you get this rundown for me?" [impersonating Charles] Jim jim Try another sentence. Oscar oscar "This rundown better be really good"? Jim jim I don't know but it sounds like the rundown is really important. Oscar oscar Charles asked me to do this rundown of all my clients. Jim jim Why don't you just ask him- Oscar oscar No. I can't. It was like, hours ago. Jim jim What have you been doing? Oscar oscar Try it in another sentence. Kevin kevin Last night was crazy. Jojo? Yeah. He did a donut in a parking lot in front of a cop. And then he yells, "Hey cop, you like donuts?" then we drive off. No, he just stayed there. [Pam goes to sit in a chair in the corner.] I want that new phone. No, the other one. No the other one. No, you know which one I'm talking about it's the one, the one with the awesome browser. [More bathroom noises] No, not that one. Ryan ryan That's my corner. Michael michael I thought that was your corner. Pam pam No, this is where I work. I can't relax in the same corner where I work. Michael michael So my corner's the one with the copier? Pam pam Pam, I don't make the rules. [Pam walks out.] Michael michael Yeah. I wish my iPod could make phone calls. No I don't want an iPhone, I know what an iPhone is. Ryan ryan You started on that rundown yet? [Looks at Jim's screen.] Charles charles Oh, this is just something I'm taking a break with. Jim jim Oh. Charles charles I will get back to the rundown, uh, right now. Jim jim Okay, great. Charles charles Hey you know what? Do you have a rundown that I could take a look at, just so I know what type of rundown you're looking for ? Jim jim Just keep it simple. Charles charles Keeping it simple -that's what I'm doing. But I am working hard on this one. Real hard. Jim jim You're working hard? On this? Charles charles No. Not too hard. Not harder than I should. Jim jim Right. I mean why work harder than you should. Charles charles No, I.... Jim jim Can I help you? Erin erin No thanks. Pam pam Hey! Jim jim Hey I'm here to see Charles. Pam pam Okay. Jim jim Hey Charles. Pam pam Hey Pam. Charles charles I know you're a very busy man so I'll cut right to the chase. I'd like my old job back. Pam pam I don't know what to tell you. The job's been taken. Charles charles Um, well, I could come back as a salesman. I have experience now. Pam pam Um. Charles charles Or I could come back as your personal assistant. You know? Sort your mail, set your appointments. I know all the people. Pam pam Yeah I know. Charles charles Personal shopper? Pam pam No. Charles charles Well it was great catching up with you. And I'll see you around the building. Pam pam Okay. Charles charles I'm just gonna sit here for a little bit longer if that's okay. The air smells so good. I don't remember it smelling so good. The chairs are so comfortable. Pam pam Oh hey! Stanley, Phyllis. Come on in. Welcome, welcome. Let me give you the tour. Michael michael I get it. [To Phyllis] You need to see more? Stanley stanley It's really cute. Phyllis phyllis Thank you. You remember Ryan [Stanley laughs deeply] And Pam is around here somewhere. Michael michael She's upstairs talking to Charles. Stanley stanley What for? Michael michael I don't know. [They shrug and leave.] Stanley stanley Are we staying til five? Ryan ryan Yes. Michael michael Maybe the Michael Scott Paper Company was a huge mistake. I should leave. I should go, and start my own paper company. That'll show 'em. Michael michael Get your free pancakes. They are delicious. They are nutritious. They are complimentary. [Flips a pancake. It's about 8×11 inches] Young sir, would you like a free pancake? Michael michael I'm texting. I don't want to get my fingers sticky. Ryan ryan Ryan, enough with the texting machine. Come on. And tuck in your shirt, you're the face of this company. Michael michael Hey Pam. Michael michael Hey. Pam pam You sorta disappeared there for a while. Where ya been? Michael michael Yeah, I needed to take care of some stuff. Pam pam Yeah? Michael michael That's as specific as I'd like to be. Pam pam Well, at least you're still being honest with me. Michael michael There's the rundown you asked for. I may have expanded some areas that you weren't prepared for. Jim jim Great. Fax that to everyone on the distribution list. Charles charles Yeah sure. You want to look at it first? Jim jim Do I need to? Charles charles No. No, I just wanted to make sure, it was in the same format. So that distribution list is gonna be my...? Jim jim What's that? Charles charles The one I have. I'll use the one I have. Jim jim Just faxing. My Dad. A rundown. Jim jim We're small, but we're eager to make a name for ourselves. Pam pam Do you have a card? Man man Nope, I don't have a card, but I'll do you one better. A little scrap of paper. Pam pam These are terrible boss. You gotta make them in a circle so that they cook evenly. Creed creed These are shaped like paper. Michael michael Well I don't even want these. [Takes the rectangle pancakes out of his coat.] Creed creed I'll take them for my kid. Meredith meredith Country roads, take me home, to the place...[Dwight is strumming the tune on his guitar] Sorry. I like that song. You're good! Erin erin You're good. Dwight dwight Thank you. Erin erin That was great, but it's just sort of, it's still a little choppy like. But don't worry, it's hard, it took me a while too. It's like [Andy plays Country Roads on his banjo.] Andy andy Wow! Erin erin What? Oh my God you heard that I'm so embarrassed. I'm like so rusty. Andy andy Oh it's good, you're coming along. It's really technically proficient but really there's no heart or soul in it. Dwight dwight Really? Andy andy [Dwight plays a hearty strum of the song, Andy stands and starts a banjo solo] None none Hey you want to sing with me? Almost heaven... Dwight dwight West Virginia, Blue Ridge mountain, Shenandoah River [Andy vocalizes] {Dwight} and {Erin} dwight erin In German! Leben ist dort alt, alter als die Baume, Junger als die Berge, wie eine Brise blasend Dwight dwight Take me home, country roads, to the place, I belong. West Virginia, mountain momma, take me home, country roads. [Erin leaves] {Dwight} and {Andy} dwight andy Take it Andy! Take me home, to the place I belong, Ba bah dah duh Dwight dwight You have to stop. [bangs on glass window] Toby toby [Michael sits alone at the pancake table alone, the breeze blowing paper around.] None none I once had a dream. That I was eating a peanut butter and tuna fish sandwich. And, let me tell you something it was delicious. So the next day, I decided to make that sandwich. And in real life it is disgusting. [The phone rings] It is a disgusting sandwich. [It rings again.] And the reason I tell you this story. [phone] Pick up the phone. Michael michael Dunder Miff...Michael Scott Paper Company, this is Pam. Oh, hi Russell from the pancake luncheon, how are you? Well we'd like to do business with you too! How can we make that happen? Pam pam Keep going. [Whispers] Ryan ryan Don't tell them we have free delivery! [Also whispers] Michael michael We already offered free delivery! Pam pam They don't know that! Michael michael Um, I can offer you free delivery on any order that you place today. Okay, twenty boxes? I can do... just a second. I can do 20 boxes at 43 dollars a box. Great! Pam pam Write it down. Ryan ryan Give him a guarantee. Michael michael A guarantee of what? Pam pam Just say the word. Michael michael And I guarantee, that you will be satisfied! 'Cause your satisfaction is our guarantee! We guarantee it. We look forward to doing business with you too. Thank you Russell. Pam pam Yes! Michael michael I made a sale! Pam pam Oh! Ryan ryan You did! Michael michael Oh! Pam pam Oh yeah! Michael michael We did it ! Ryan ryan She did it! Michael michael Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! [Dancing in the office] Michael michael Who would have thought, that the thing that would save this company would be work? And pancakes? In the end, this day definitely had its ups and downs. I realize that we don't have the biggest office. Which is a surprise, because 165 square feet sounds like a lot. But, we have people with the biggest hearts. And I think for a small company that is really [flushing] Someone went to the bathroom. That is really what's important. Michael michael Literally every song is better a cappella. Name a song. Andy andy Cherry Pie, Warrant. Dwight dwight Better a cappella! Andy andy No! Really? Dwight dwight Yeah. Name another. Andy andy Enter Sandman, Metallica. Dwight dwight Better a cappella. Andy andy Rebel Yell, Billy Idol Dwight dwight Aw!! Way better a cappella Andy andy Really? Dwight dwight Yeah. Andy andy