Oscar [Dwight enters dressed as Recyclops] Not again. Dwight Bow down before Recyclops. Jim Five years ago, corporate said we had to start a recycling program for Earth Day so Dwight took the lead on that and introduced us to a very close friend of his named Recyclops. Dwight Happy Earth Day, everyone. I'm Recyclops. Did you know that an old milk carton can be sawed in half and used as a planter? Jim The next year he really stepped things up. Dwight Who has put a number seven plastic in a number four bin? Jim A year after that Recylcops really began to take shape. Dwight Recylops will drown you in your over-watered lawns. Jim Then tragedy struck Recyclops when his fictional planet was attacked by some other fictitious thing... I can't remember. Dwight Recyclops will have his revenge. Jim I think this was also the year he renounced Earth Day and vowed to the destroy the planet he once loved. Pam Oh my God, you guys, look. It's Recyclops. Dwight Recyclops destroys! [starts tearing through the office] Stanley Oh, is today Recyclops Day? Dwight Yes. Stanley I thought you were killed by Polluticorn. Dwight Polluticorn wishes. [starts spraying the office with something] Andy That's aerosol spray. It's terrible for the environment. Dwight Humans are terrible for the environment. Pam The thing I like most about Recyclops is that he's creating a different world for our child. Jim Mmm. Pam A world where you truly can be anything you want. Jim God bless you, Recyclops. And your cold robot heart. [Dwight throws an aluminum can towards the recycling bin and misses] Michael [seated] Ok. Ok. How 'bout this? [rises, waves, sits back down] Pam That's great. Michael I want it to be better than 'Great', Pam. How 'bout I remain seated... and I just do a little bit of a nod. Sort of a humble thing. [demonstrates] Pam Sure. Michael Nope. Then my face is down. They can't see my face. Meredith And it looks like you're taking a dump. Michael Alan Brand is the CEO of the company, if title's important to you, has personally invited moi to go to New York to the shareholder's meeting and sit up on the stage with the board of directors. And at some point they are going to introduce me as the most successful branch manager that they have. And then Michael Scott turns and waves to the crowd... and the crowd goes wild. Andy [doing an announcer voice] Ladies and gentlemen from Scranton, Pennsylvania, please welcome Michael 'The Machine' Scott. [Michael waves, twirls and sits down] Pam Don't do the twirl. Phyllis Lose the twirl. Dwight The twirl sucks. Kevin Michael, I hated the twirl. Andy [still doing the voice & spinning in his chair] Hate the twirl! Michael Ok. Obviously I'm not going to do the twirl. I only did it because I nailed the wave. Phyllis Yeah, good. Don't do it. Michael I am not going to do the twirl. Alright? It's not even a twirl, it's a spin. I might do the spin. Oscar The long term problem is bad investments that they need to dump. The short term problem is the company has no cash and there's no where to get it. Michael Ok, Oscar, I don't need the whole enchilada just the bullet points. Oscar Those are the bullet points. Michael Well, could you condense it please? Oscar That's as simple as I can make it. Erin Michael? The limo's here for you. Michael It's not a limo. It's a town car. Town cars are actually better, though. Better torque. Better handling. Erin He said limousine, so... Kevin [at window in conference room] Check it out, guys. There's a limo down here. [everyone heads to the conference room] Michael, look. Oh, man. Michael They sent a limo. Michael Town cars suck. Town car is something that a company sends when they're in trouble. A limousine is something that a company sends when they have cause for celebration. And in this case I think we are celebrating me. Michael [everyone is rushing down the stairs to see the limo] Oh, wait. Wait. Wow. Wow! Oh, no way. Look at that. Dwight What kind of mileage does this baby get? Erin It's like what high school kids take to prom on tv shows. Oscar This is so typical of management to spend money on this. Ugh. Bunch of boobs. Michael Hate to break it to you Oscar but some of us like boobs. Dwight Calves. Calves all the way. Andy I'm so jealous right now. Michael Hey, you know who you should be jealous of? Yourself. Because you're invited and you're invited and you're invited and you and you and you and you and you and you- Limo Driver Car seats eight. Michael What? Limo Driver The car seats eight. Michael The limo seats eight. Ok. Then Jim and Pam and Ryan plus a guest. Jim & Pam No thanks. Ryan I'll use it when you're done. Michael [others start raising their hands to be picked] Mmm... whoa. Oscar The Dunder Mifflin stock symbol is DMI. Do you know what that stands for? Dummies, morons and idiots. Because that's what you'd have to be to own it. And, as one of those idiots, I believe the board owes me answers. Michael [in the limo with Dwight, Andy and Oscar] I wish the windows weren't tinted so people could see us in here. Andy Hey, guys, do you think anyone might have had sex in here? Michael Definitely. Dwight Smells like it. Michael Definitely. Look they got pillows. That. That's bigger than my bed. Dwight Word. Andy Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Michael [the limo driver raises the divider window] Who's playing with the button? Jim Hey, Ryan. Could you start consolidating all our Rolodex information into Outlook? Ryan Uh, it doesn't seem like there's much of a point if the company's going under. Jim But if the company doesn't go under then we'll finally have all our contacts in one program. Ryan The company's probably going under, though. Jim Could go either way. Ryan Seems like it's leaning one way. Jim Maybe we should just wait and find out. Ryan Definitely. Jim Ok. Ryan So should we wait to find out before we start doing all this stuff? Jim Nah. Might as well do it now. Andy Michael, what if somebody asks you a question at this meeting? Are you just gonna wave, or what? Michael I will have to answer. Dwight I'll ask you a question. Andy Make it a softball. Something he can, like, crank out of the park. Dwight Michael Scott you run the most profitable branch of Dunder Mifflin. How do you do it? Michael No, no. That's too hard. Say your name is Zamboni and then I will say, 'Well, we're sort of on thin ice.' [they all laugh] I won't say that. I'll something like that. Andy This is your big day. Come on. Michael Oh, my god. This is it. Laurie Mr. Scott? Michael Yes. Laurie I'm Laurie. Michael Oh, hi. Laurie Thank you for joining us. Come with me. Michael Well, thank you and, and please call - continue to call me Mr. Scott. Laurie Ok. If you just want to follow me I'll take you up to the lounge. Michael Well, I guess this is as far as I can take you guys. So - Andy Kay. Dwight Good luck, Michael. Michael See you later. Michael [walking past bodyguards at the door] Officers. Thank you. Laurie After you, Mr. Scott. Michael Thank you. David Michael. Michael Hello. David So glad you could make it. Michael Thank you. David How was the ride? Michael Oh. It was awesome. Very, very sublime. David I'm glad. I want to introduce you to everyone. First we'll start with Alan Brand. Alan? CEO. Michael Scott, Branch manager, Scranton. Alan It's nice to meet you, Michael. Michael It's nice to meet you, too. It's an honor and a privilege. David Seated, we have the former congressman, Chris O'Keefe. Michael Ah. [bows] Your eminence. Registrar For those of you with questions, please line up behind one of the four microphones that have been placed in the aisles. Dwight Coming through. Che, che, che, che, che, che. [spots microphone and gets in line, sees an empty mic and attempts to get there first] Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. [a line appears from nowhere] Ah. Damn it. [ heads back to the original line which is now even longer] Wha- okay [grunts] Dwight I was hoping to lob Michael his softball question early. I wanted to swing by the garment district, pick up a few crates of my shirts. I got a shirt guy. Oscar Can you believe this? The money they spent on this convention hall. [finding a seat] Excuse me, miss. I just want to take the stupid board of directors by their necks. This is so simple. Andy Yeah. Well, you should do that. Get in line. Oscar Oh, what a great idea and lose my job. No thank you. Andy Look, do you want to be able to tell your grandkids you stood up for yourself during the - America's biggest financial crisis? Dwight How is he gonna have grandkids? Michael You guys ever protect the president? Security No. Michael What about Madonna? Or Obama twins? Anybody famous? Security Not supposed to talk about it. Nelly Furtado. Alan Alright, guys. You ready? Michael Rock and roll. [they walk into convention room and are booed by everyone] Alan Dunder Mifflin is still a strong company. We are poised to come through this more streamlined and profitable than ever. [boos from the crowd] Michael [to David] This is not as much fun as I thought it would be. David It was fun when we weren't on the brink of bankruptcy. Michael [accidentally into his microphone] We're going bankrupt, you think? [angry jeering from the crowd] They are really angry. Alan The shareholders need to empower our leadership - Woman in line I'm just gonna run to the bathroom. Will you save my place? Man in line Sure. Dwight No. You will not. Woman in line Excuse me? Dwight Oh, I'm sorry. Were you raised in a household with no consequences? Woman in line It'll just be a second. Dwight Oh. If onlys and justs were candies and nuts then every day would be Erntedankfest. Alan ... and we're confident. There are many things to be optimistic about in Dunder Mifflin's future and one of them is here with us today. Michael Scott, Scranton Branch manager. Dwight [loudly applauds] Yes. Alan In these uncertain times, Michael has managed to maintain steady profits from his Scranton branch. We all thank you, Michael. [scattered applause] Another bright spot in the Dunder Mifflin landscape, our new waste pulp re-purposing plant in Milford. [applause] Jim Hey, Phyllis. Are you just getting back from lunch now? Phyllis Bob took me to Capello's. We got a little tipsy. Jim Ok. You shouldn't be telling me that stuff and also shouldn't be taking two hour lunches without telling me. Phyllis Oh, it's ok. Michael doesn't really care about these things. Jim I care about them and I'm just as much of a boss as Michael. [Stanley laughs] What's so funny? I'm a co-manager. Stanley That doesn't make you a boss. Phyllis It's not like you can fire people or anything. Jim Well - who? How did you? Who, who told you this? Phyllis Ryan. Stanley Can't say. Phyllis Sorry. Plastered. Jim Ok. Who else has heard the rumor that I am not as much in charge as Michael? [everyone raises there hands - including Pam] Pam Stuff gets around. I don't participate. Jim Who here heard it from Ryan? Kevin Does an email count? Jim Yes. Kevin Yeah. [everyone raises hands again] Jim I am just as much of a boss as Michael and I can do anything that Michael can do. Alright? Who here believes that I have as much power as Michael? [Pam, after a moment, is the only one who raises her hand] Pam I forgot I have to support him no matter what. Close one. Oscar These questions are bush league. Andy You should get up and say something. You've got to be true to what's in there. [points to Oscar's heart] Don't be a wuss. Andy I've always been the guy who can rally other people to rebel. In high school I organized a walk out over standardized testing. Got over 500 students to just skip the SATs. At the last second I chickened out, took it anyway, got a 1220, always regretted it. I feel lachrymose . David [over the crowd booing] Believe me everyone is working very hard, working weekends, struggling, trying to right the ship. Shareholder You're a criminal. Michael Hey, hey, hey. I'm sorry. These are not criminals. They are nice. They invited me to come here today. They invited me to their hospitality suite where I had free food and it was delicious. Get this. Know how nice they are? The sent a stretch limo all the way to pick me up in Scranton. That's - Female Shareholder Limousine? Michael Yes. Second Shareholder You're all corrupt. You should be in jail. [crowd agrees] Alan Quiet! Quiet, please! Please, quiet! Quiet, please. We want to hear your questions. Ryan Do you love her or do you love the idea of her? Creed I don't know, man. I just don't know. Jim I gotta make an example out of him. Should I just fire him? Pam Can you actually fire people? Jim To be honest, I don't know, but maybe I could just yell at him in front of people. Pam Well, I can't really imagine you yelling at anyone. Jim Oh, well I yell. You've heard me yell. Pam Oh. Ok. I've heard you exclaim. Like the time you said, 'Hey, look. We parked over here!'. Jim Well, that was apple-picking day and there's no need to yell that day, you know. I was just excited to find the car. Perfect end to a perfect day. Pam Well, you'll figure it out. Alan Ok. We're gonna take a 15 minute break and then we're gonna answer more questions. Third Shareholder You haven't said anything yet and we're headed for bankruptcy. [crowd agrees] Michael [board of directors has started to exit] Yeah, well, that's not gonna happen. That's not gonna happen. We'll be back with some answers. [a few murmurs from the crowd of 'What answers?'] I - ok. I know that you're mad at me and you're mad at all them - Fourth Shareholder How are you gonna fix the company? Michael Ok. Alright. We are gonna - we're gonna go out there during this break and we are gonna come back with a plan. We're gonna come back with a plan for you. It's a 45 day plan. 45 days to get us back on track. [crowd starts to agree and perk up] 45 points. It's a 45 day/45 point. One point per day. We get the 45 points we are back in business. [crowd applauds] And you can take that to the bank. [applause continue] And Limo Lady, we are going completely carbon neutral. [crowd has gotten very excited and is cheering] I love you, New York! [Michael does the spin and leaves the stage - then runs back across the stage] You. You. Jim Hey, Ryan. How's it going? Ryan [playing Tetris on his computer] Here's the thing. Um, I've tried it like five different ways in my head and - Oh, got one. Um, I'm such a perfectionist... Jim Mmm-hmm. Ryan That I'd kinda rather not do it all then do a crappy version. Jim Simple data entry, though. So there's really only one way to do it. Ryan Sounds like you have a really specific vision for it. Do you wanna maybe just take a whack at it? Jim You know what? Ryan What? Jim I think I know the problem. Ryan Great. Jim I think you seem distracted. Ryan Yep, that is a problem. Jim But, you know what? I came up with something and I think it's really gonna help. Ryan Well, I'm glad you're finally being proactive, Jim. Jim I am, too. Let me show you. Michael Wow. Things are really picking up. O'Keefe What was that about? Michael What? Alan You were supposed to wave. Michael I did wave. I did a lot more than wave. David What are we supposed to tell them now? Ok? You've dug us quite a hole. Michael We tell them the plan, right? David There is no plan. Michael Here's what we're gonna do. The 45 day thing that I outlined, we go with that. Day 45, company saved. Day 44, go. What do we got? We have 15 minutes. O'Keefe Excuse me? Michael Just whatever comes to mind. Shout it out. O'Keefe Who the hell is this guy? Michael I am the guy who roused that crowd. David Yes. Michael Got them on their feet. David Yes. Michael They were so happy down there. David Yes. Alan Who cares? Michael Ok. Alright. Well, I know a guy. This Mexican guy. He is a math whiz. He knows economics as well as he knows bull fighting and I am going to call in a little favor. David No. No. No. No. No. No. Don't call anybody, Michael. Michael Well, I'm texting him, so. David Please do not text anybody, now, Michael. Michael It's done. [Oscar, sitting in the lobby, receives a text] Michael Oh. There he is. Come on in. Come on in. Gentleman, I would like you to meet Oscar. Come on in. Don't be shy. This is Oscar Martinez. Oscar, why don't you come over here. Let me present you. Step up. Step up there. Oscar is an accountant extraordinaire at the Scranton branch and he has a wonderful idea as to how to get us out of this murky, murky situation. Take it away. [Oscar stands there stunned] Jim I think this is really gonna help. If you could just hold up here one second. [addresses the whole office] Hey, guys. Quick announcement. If I could just have everyone's attention. [turns back to Ryan] I just figured you needed a place where you can concentrate and not be bothered by bothering people. Ryan Mmm-hmm. Jim Let me show you what I mean. [Jim opens the closet door to reveal a work station] Your new office. How great is that, right? For a job well done. Well, not done. Ryan I will, uh, I will do my work right now. I will stay late tonight. Jim Right. Ryan Uh, I'm very sorry... about everything. Jim [laughs] You're a good kid. You know what? It gets bigger once you're in there. Enjoy it. [shuts the door and walks to his office] Ryan [from behind the door] Is there internet? Oscar Ummm... Michael Tell them what you told me. This is genius. Oscar Ok Michael Tell them about the cash flow and the dumping of properties and - this is all - Oscar Um.. Michael It's all good. It's all good stuff. Lay it on them. Oscar I feel, as does Mr. Scott, that we are in the best of hands. Capable hands. Michael That wasn't what you were saying to me. He was much more articulate and that was better. Much better. Oscar I think this has gone very well and I thank you. Michael O-kay. Oh... hey, hey. [follows Oscar into the hall] What are you doing? Oscar Michael, I didn't ask to come up here. Michael Wow, man. That - Oscar What? Michael That was embarrassing. Oscar For me. Michael For me, too. You embarrassed me. Oscar You -[Oscar walks away, Michael goes back in the room] Michael Well, that was a waste of a text. Let's get down to brass tacks. I think that we might be in trouble. We don't seem to have a plan so I'm thinking I go down there. Maybe rattle off a few jokes. Congressman could follow. O'Keefe He's our best manager? Where's the off button on this moron? Michael Uh, I'm not a moron. Time after time my branch leads in sales. I have personally won over 17 Dundie awards. So, I am not a moron and I am just trying to help, you know? So... you're the moron. Michael [zipping through the hall while texting] Michael Yes it is a thrill to be honored by one's company. To have the people that you work for stop for a minute and say, 'Wow. Great job.' That is what it is all about. Not the perks. Perks? The perks. I could take or leave the perks. Limos are for people who make the company money not lose millions and have no plan. So we're leaving early. After all, we are the only ones with anything to celebrate. O'Keefe He can take the bus. He's had his limo ride. Michael [running out of the building with Oscar, Andy, and Dwight] Oscar! Oscar! Come on! There he is! There he is! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Scranton! Scranton! Scranton! Dunder Mifflin! Alan The gentleman in the, uh, glasses. Dwight Dwight Schrute, Scranton branch. I just want to say that I have been standing in this line all day and if this line is any indication of how this company is being run then we are in big trouble. [cheers from crowd] Thank you. Right. I know. And I just want to say that I believe that there are options out there. [crowd still applauding] A take a number option like they have in a deli. What about line varieties? Like an express line for quick comments of ten words or less. They can move much more efficiently. What about ropes along the lines that you can hold on to. Alan Thank you. Thank you for your suggestions. Dwight Yeah.