Michael Ughh... Blech. Dwight OK, where does it hurt? Michael Just... all over. I don't want to do anything... I'm dying... Dwight No, that's not how it works. You have to point to a specific part of the body. Michael Right there. [Michael points to computer screen.] Dwight [reading from screen] "Abdomen. Menses." Michael Maybe. Dwight "The uterus contracts after your egg passes through it." Michael Not it. I don't have eggs. Pam About 40 times a year, Michael gets really sick, but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned. Dwight Oh, is it possible you ate food that contained animal waste? Michael That's possible. Pam Michael? Michael Uh-huh? Pam David Wallace is on line one. Michael The CFO? Ohh... Michael OK, everybody out. Out. Out. Out. OK. Michael To what do I owe this great honor, David Wallace? David [on phone] Michael, I am calling-- Michael And Gromit. [David sighs] Jan? Is Jan there? David Jan is out of town right now. Michael Oh, you sigh like Jan. I broke Jan's heart, David, and it was awful. It was... It was never my intention to ruin a life. But you know what? Sometimes... David Michael? Michael ...you just gots to get your freak on. David Michael? Michael Yeah. David Michael? Michael Hmmm. David I am calling to see if you can come down and interview for a job we have opening in corporate. Michael Really? David Week from today. Bring your first quarter stats and your recommendation for who would take over the Scranton Branch. Michael Wow. I wish I had prepared something to say. David That's not necessary. Michael May God guide you in your quest. David Yes. Michael OK, everybody have their towels and swim suits? We have about an hour and half. I suggest that you all go potty now and then we will be congregating on the partay bus. Meredith Oh I'm excited. Today is Beach Day! And Michael is taking the whole office to the beach. So I'm wearing my bathing suit underneath my shirt [lifts up shirt, definitely not wearing anything underneath] Oh, yeah... I packed it in my purse. Michael Oscar, you brought your Speedo, I assume? Oscar I don't wear a Speedo, Michael. Michael Well, you can't swim in leather pants. [laughs] I'm just yankin' your chain. Not literally. Toby Anybody need sun block? Got SPF 30. Michael Oh, you know what? Uh, you're not going. Toby It's Beach Day... Michael Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, Toby. We... um... Somebody has to stay here. Michael I want today to be a beautiful memory... that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it... then it'll suck. Toby Hey, want my sun screen? Pam Oh, great. I forgot mine and I'm wearing a two piece. Toby Uh-huh. Pam Thanks Toby. Michael Hey Pam, I have a very important job for you Pam I thought we were just having fun at the beach. Michael We are. We are. But, I would like you to take notes. And I want you to find out about people's character. Not their hotness, per se, but their humor, and their charisma, and the indefinable quality that makes you all glad to follow me. Michael What happens to a company if somebody takes their boss away? I will answer your question with a question. It's like what happens to a chicken when you take its head away. It dies. Unless you find a new head. I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head. Pam You want me to write down people's indefinable qualities? Michael I want you to write down everything that people are doing all day. And then type it up, in a way that is helpful. Alright? Pam I have the most boring job in the office, so... why wouldn't I have the most boring job on beach day? Michael This way to the partay bus. Kevin I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted. Kevin [singing] [Angela mouthing the words next to him] And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression. Said, "If you're gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right." [rest of office joins in at varying times] You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away and know when to run. You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table. There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done. Michael Everybody, may I have you attention please? Today, we are not just spending a day at the beach. Stanley Oh, sweet mother of God. Michael If you don't like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus. Stanley Excuse me? Michael Or the front of the bus. Or drive the bus. Just, we are all participating in mandatory fun activities. Funtivities! And there is a special secret prize for the winner! Dwight Yes! Funtivities! I knew it wasn't just a trip to the beach. Michael Okay, you know what? Your enthusiasm's turning people off. Dwight I hope there will be management parables. Michael Well, [whispering] Hey Pam, did you get that down? Pam Like what? Michael Like everything I said and everything they did and... Just don't... Pam Well... no, I don't... exactly... what? Michael Well write it down before you forget it. That's... You've just been drawing pictures. [sighs] Rrrr. I can't stay mad at you. Michael Here we are ladies and gentlemen. Everybody ready? Last one down is a rotten egg. [Gets off bus] Watch out for snakes! Angela Everyone put on sunscreen. Michael Alright, find a cozy spot. Everybody settle in. [everybody sits down on beach] OK, everybody up! Circle 'round. [motions for circle to form] Let us play some games. We are situated on the northeast corner of scenic Lake Scranton. America's eighth largest indigenous body of water. It is here that a group of Americans will undergo the ultimate challenge. One day, 14 strangers who work together, but only one survivor. Oscar What? Michael Just words. Inspiring words. [under breath] Not a contender. [out loud] For the competitions, you will be divided into four tribes. Each tribe will have a leader that I will pick randomly off the top of my head without thinking. Jim, Dwight, Andy and Stanley. Dwight Yes! Michael Choose your tribes. Except for Pam. Not Pam. Michael Jim Halpert. Pros: smart, cool, good-looking. Remind you of anybody you know? Cons: not a hard worker. I can spend all day on a project, and he will finish the same project in a half an hour. So that should tell you something. Dwight I choose Michael! Michael I'm not playing. Dwight OK, temp. Michael Dwight is an obvious candidate for my job. He has the best sales record in the office. He loves the work. He is, however, an idiot. Michael We are going to choose team names. Dwight? Dwight We will be called Gryffindor. Jim Really? Not Slytherin? Dwight Slytherin are the bad guys, Jim. Jim I know. Okay, we will be Voldemort. Dwight He-who-must-not-be-named? I wouldn't do that. Jim [starts chanting] Vol-de-mort, Vol-de-mort ...[Kevin and Karen follow] Vol-de-mort! Vol-de-mort! Vol-de-mort! Dwight OK, seriously. You really shouldn't be saying that. Michael Hey, hey, hey. Ok, Ok... Stanley, your team name? Stanley I don't care what you call my team. Michael Then I will name your team the Red team. Stanley No [crosses arms], the blue team. Michael I am also considering Stanley because of all the good that black people have done. For America. Andy We will be team U.S.A. Michael Very good. Pam, please take a note that Andy is patriotic. Michael Andy Bernard. Pros: He's classy. He gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him. Michael It is time for the great spoon and egg race. This one is with a little twist. Stanley There's already a twist, you're carrying an egg on a spoon. Michael Shh... The person carrying the egg will be blindfolded. Please put on your blindfolds. That person carrying the egg will go down, circle a torch, come back, deposit their egg in the pail. First team back is the winner. Alright. Ready? Set. Go! [contestants start walking] Oscar Come on Phyllis, you can do it. [Phyllis' egg falls off spoon] Ahh... Stanley Thank you so much. [Stanley sits down and pulls out his crossword puzzle] Andy Phyllis is out. Yes! [to Kelly] Follow my voice. Follow my voice. Yeah, keep it moving. Keep it moving. Right this way. Looking good. [Cheers] Kelly I don't want to hit the big rock! Andy Don't worry. You're not... Kelly I know I'm near the big rock. I just know it. Andy No where near the big rock. Kelly [takes off blindfold] I just don't want to get hit by it... Andy What're you doing? No! See, now we're disqualified. Andy I am okay if I lose every single contest today. Honestly. Because I see these contests as an opportunity for me to demonstrate what a good sport I am. Mallard! [throws a stone] Jim [to Karen] Woah, stop, stop, stop. There's a hole. Step over the hole. Karen Hole? Jim Yup. [Karen takes a big step] Perfect, oooh, just made it. OK, turn left. Dwight [to Ryan] Come on! Come on! Andale! Arriba! Arriba! Ryan Can you just stop this right now, or I'm not gonna do this anymore. Dwight What are you saying? Ryan You have to stop yelling at me or I'm not gonna do the egg race. Dwight OK, I apologize for yelling at you. Ryan That's what being a good captain is about. It's about listening to the members of your team. Dwight I am trying to bring team spirit. Jim [to Karen] Woah, stop, another hole. Take a big step. [Karen steps into lake] Yes! Karen [lifts up blindfold] Oh my God! You ass! [chases Jim and throws egg at him] [both laugh] Pam There's nothing better than a beautiful day at the beach, filled with sun, surf, and uh... diligent note-taking. [holds up notes] Michael [off screen] Pam...you're missing things. [shakes off hand and starts writing in notebook] Dwight [at Ryan holding egg in spoon] Let's go! Let's go! Come on! Mush! Mush! Come on you bastard! [Ryan takes off blindfold and throws it to ground along with egg and spoon] What the? Damn it temp! Andy [begins to clap] Great job everyone, that was fantastic. [Michael sighs] Michael Okay Pam, I have another little project for you. Pam Does it have to do with these shopping bags filled with hot dogs? Michael Smart as a whip! Yes! [holds up hot dog packages] These are pre-cooked, so it's not absolutely necessary, but I would appreciate it if you could heat up 800 hot dogs for a little contest I'm going to be having. I would greatly appreciate it. Pam When's the contest? Michael Like umm...[looks at watch] ten minutes? Pam How am I supposed to... get... Michael Thanks a bunch. Michael A good manager has got to be hungry. Hungry for success. Michael OK, who's hungry [Kevin starts to put hot dog in mouth] No, no, no. Do not touch the food. Please. Not yet. That is our next event. A hot dog eating contest. [sighs at the table] For those of you who are curious, the world record is 54 and one half hot dogs. Wow! And you know what? I personally have cooked up enough so each and every one of you could break that record. So shoot for the stars, OK? Alright, the team that eats the most hot dogs in ten minutes will be declared the winner. On you mark. Get set. Kelly Can I have a turkey burger? Michael No, I have the only one. I claimed it. Ready? Oscar Turkey is a healthy meat. Dwight It's very good for you. [overlapping talk from all at table] Michael Guys, guys, guys. Come on! Pleeeeease... Let's just... OK, it's very important that you all try to eat as many hot dogs as you can. On your mark. Get set. Eat! Phyllis Is there any mustard? Michael No mustard, no mustard. Just eat it, eat it, Phyllis. Dip it in the water so it'll slide down your gullet more easily. Michael Come on, the winner gets a big, big prize. Meredith [eating hot dog] What is it? Michael I can't say. Jim You can't say, or you can't pronounce it? Michael The winner gets a regional manager's salary for a year, and a Sebring, and the feeling that they are making a difference in the world. Kelly Can we just take those first two things? Michael The winner of today gets my job. Ok? I'm interviewing for a job at corporate. And they're only interviewing a handful of people and I'm the most qualified and I'll probably get it. Alright? Dwight You're leaving? Michael I didn't want to tell anyway. I didn't want to cast a pall over our fun beach day. But you know what? I don't know who to recommend because frankly nobody is stepping up. Andy [slams fist onto table] I am so hungry! [starts eating hot dog real fast] Stanley Do you expect me to believe that you're truly making your recommendations on this basis? Michael [points at Stanley] Word. [Stanley starts eating hot dog] There we go. Let's see it. Stanley I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than work for somebody else in this office besides myself. Game on! Michael Four. Three. Two. One. Stop your eating! And the winner is Andy Bernard, with 14 hot dogs! Kelly Team U.S.A.! Andy One came up. Michael 13 hot dogs, everybody! Dwight Damn it! Creed [holding a fish with all the meat stripped off] Nobody told me we were going to have hot dogs! Dwight Sabotage. Angela What? What are you saying? Did you say sandwich? Dwight No. I was saying that before. Not now. Now I am saying sabotage. The ancient Dutch art of screwing up your own team. Angela I knew you were saying sabotage. I was giving you an example of it. I will misunderstand everything that Andy says until he goes insane. Dwight If Michael organizes some kind of group hug, stand next to me. Michael It's very simple. There are only three rules. You must not touch the ground. You must not step outside of the ring. And you must always wear the safety mittens. Stanley Uh, we don't have any safety mittens Michael Probably left them in the trunk of my car. It's alright. It's alright. Here we go. Karen Get 'em big boy! Michael Aaaaaand, go! Karen C'mon, Jim! Stanley [growly noises, Jim looks terrified] Jim What are you doing? Michael Nice, Stanley! Stanley [to Jim] Sorry about that. It's all about taking points away from Dwight. Jim Yeah. No. Good. Jim Oh, my God. I have never seen that look in a man's eyes... ever. I thought that I might die. On beach day. Oscar If either of these guys are put in charge of the office I will transfer to Albany. Gil can come if he wants. I'm kinda looking for a way out of that relationship anyway. I think I might try girls for a while. Angela thinks I can cross over. We'll see. Dwight [Andy and Dwight sumo wrestle] Gaaaaa.... Michael One. Two. Three. Dwight Yaaaaa! Yaaaaa! Michael Excellent! Dwight Gryffindor! Gryffindor! Andy I didn't win. But the only reason I didn't win is because I recently learned that it's better to work thing out with words. Dwight That's not why you lost. Andy Yeah it is. I totally could have kicked your butt so bad. Dwight Yeah, right. Andy Yeah, right, c'mon! C'mon! [Dwight and Andy wrestle] Dwight [bouncing off of Andy] Aaaagh! Uggggh! How do you like that? Andy [Trying to wet bandana, falls in water] Oh, God! Waaa! Guhh! Wuuuh! Help! Angela! Angela, hey! Oh, thank God! Please tell somebody! Angela What, Andy? Andy, what should I tell them? Andy Go tell them I'm floating away, obviously! Angela I don't understand what you want from me. Andy Angela, it's pretty simple! Look at what I'm doing and go tell somebody about it! Angela Sorry! Bye, Andy! Andy Angela! Michael I knew that finding a successor would be difficult. I did not know that it would be impossible. Thus far the candidates have been wildly disappointing. Uh, Jim is not taking it seriously. Uh, Stanley is having a stroke. And Andy, where is he? Where the hell is Andy? Where is he, Pam? Do you know? Ah... who's ahead in points? Pam I think they're even. At various times you gave Jim ten points, Dwight a gold star, and Stanley a thumbs up. And I don't really know how to compare those units. Michael Check to see if there is a conversion chart in that notebook. Pam I really doubt it, Michael. Michael Please just check. Jim [on cell phone] Great. Yeah, I'll see you next week. Thank you, and here is Karen Filipelli. Bye. Karen Hello? Yeah, hi David. Yes, I would like to be considered for the corporate position in well. Jim In well? Karen As well. Jim How would that work in well? I just want to know. Karen Yes. uh, huh. Jim Wait a minute. Karen That would be fine. Jim If this job is in a well, I don't want it. Karen [whispering] Cut it out! Jim I don't! Michael What does a great manager need most of all? Courage. Stanley How so? I mean... sure thing, that sounds smart... I can't do this anymore! I'm goin' to sit in the bus. Michael Your loss, Stanley. Meanwhile the rest of us will have a super fun time defeating our fear and creating a lasting memory. Walking through FIRE! Michael Who among you has the guts to replace me? Let him walk across these coals. Kevin Are you going to try it? Angela I'm not going to talk through the fire after your disgusting feet have gone through. Kevin Angela, it is a million degrees. Pam I'm gonna do it. And I fully expect to burn my feet and go to the hospital. That's the right spirit when doing a coal walk, right? Michael No. No, not you, Pam. You have to keep score. Pam I'd like to try it. Michael Pointless. Pam But I'm not kidding. I really want to do it. Michael Blah, blah, blee blup, blup, okay? This is about guts. It takes guts to be a regional manager. Jim, you're up. Jim Nope. Michael Ji.. why not? C'mon. Jim Oh, 'cause I don't want my feet to get burned. Michael You do not have what it takes to be a regional manager. Jim That's harsh. Michael Who's next? Andy? Where's Andy? Andy is never here today. Andy [lying in water, car lights light up his location] Hello? Who's there? My name is Andrew Bernard, I was with a group called Dunder Mifflin. Hello? Kevin Why don't you go Michael? Michael Because I already did. Remember? I burned my foot on a George Foreman grill. Jim And that is not the same at all. If you're going to ask other people to do it, you should do it yourself. Michael Alright. Okay. Alright. Fine. 'kay. [clears throat, breathes noisily] The mind has to wrap around the foot. [exhales] Okay. Pam Do you want us to count to three? Michael Yes. Count to three, please. Group Three. Two. One. Michael Count the other way. Count... no, no, count one, two, three, not three, two, one. Group One. Two. Three! Go! Do it! Go, Michael. Michael Wait! Am I going on go? Or am I going on three? Creed On the go that's after three. Michael Okay. Group One, two, three, go! Dwight No! It's okay. I will do this Michael. Michael Don't, don't. Dwight [walking on coals] I will walk and stand on these coals until you award me the position of regional manager! Group Wow. Go, Dwight. Keep moving. Dwight [standing still, on the coals] GIVE ME THE JOB! GIVE ME THE JOB! Michael I'm not going to give it to you. Dwight [falling on his knees, then on all fours] Aaagh, aaagh! Group [yelling excitedly for Dwight to get off the coals] Pam Michael, do something! Dwight Aggggh, that stings! Michael Being the boss is also about image. I've never looked like that. That was gross. I just, I don't see the connection between a firewalk and management. Worst seventy-five bucks I ever spent. You know what, if I had to pick my replacement based on today, it would be Mr. "Outside Hire." Angela Or Mrs. "Outside Hire." Michael Yeah. Ummm, hmm... True. Look, I don't want to leave this branch that I love to an outside hire therefore we are going to have a one hundred point winner take all sudden death tribal council round. To test the aspect of my job that I think is the most important, something I call the Bob Hope factor. Kelly Who's Bob Hope? Michael God! He's a comedian. Kelly Oh, like Amanda Bynes. Michael Who's Amanda Bynes? Kelly She's from "What a Girl Wants." Michael Oh, I love that movie. Yes, Kelly is right, the person to replace me has to have a great sense of humor and they have to possess the leadership qualities of a Bynes or a Hope. So without further ado, Jim and Dwight show us what you got. Jim Hey, I know what you're looking for, but um, I got to be honest, I really don't think I should be considered as your replacement. Michael You are being too modest. Jim Michael, on Thursday I'm going to drive down and interview with David for the open position in New York. Michael Hhhh... okay. That is not funny. I am deducting sixty points from Voldemort for false pretenses. Okay, Dwight your turn. Wow us. Dwight The Aristocrats. A man and his wife and his children go into the offices of a talent agency. And the talent agent says, "Describe your act." And the man says something really, really raunchy and the talent representative says, "What do you call yourselves?" And the man says, "The Aristocrats!" Pam [breathes deeply and runs across coals] Oooh, uh hah, ooh! Wha-hoo! Ahhhh... Dwight [finishes story] I mean truly repulsive acts. Michael That is a very, very funny story. Pam [runs over after walking over fire coals] Hey! I want to say something. I've been trying to be more honest lately and I just need to say a few things. I did the coal walk! Just, I did it! Michael, you couldn't even do that. Maybe I should be your boss? Wow, I feel really good right now. Why didn't any of you come to my art show? I invited all of you. That really sucked. It's like sometimes some of you act like I don't even exist. [turns and looks directly at Jim] Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And now we're not even friends. And things are just like weird between us, and that sucks. And I miss you. You were my best friend before you went to Stamford, and I really miss you. I shouldn't have been with Roy. And there were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding. But the truth is, I didn't care about any of those reasons until I met you. And now you're with someone else. And that's... fine. It's... whatever. That's not what... I'm not... Okay, my feet really hurt. The thing that I'm just trying to say to you, Jim... and to everyone else in this circle I guess, is that I miss having fun with you. Just you, not everyone in the circle. Okay, I am going to go walk in the water now. Yeah. It's a good day. Michael Pam, that was amazing. But I am still looking for someone with a sales background. Group Flintstones, meet the Flintstones. They're a modern stone-age family. Ba-ba-da-da-da. From the town of Bedrock, they're a page right out of history. Ba-da-da-da-da. [overlapping singing of the wrong verses] When you're with the Flintstones, have a yabba-dabba-doo time, a dabba-doo time, we'll have a gay old time! Michael WWWWIIIILLLLMMMMAAAA! Andy Nice! Michael So we have about an hour and a half. I suggest that you all go potty now and then we will be congregating on the party bus. Fun on wheels. Only way to travel. Besides a monorail. Phyllis Well, Bob was going to just drive me. Michael No. No, no, no. No guests today. Classic gang only. Just us good friends, and Karen and Andy. Pam Sometimes Michael gets nostalgic and he talks about the classic gang. That's Michael, me, Jim, Dwight, Angela, Kevin, Oscar, Stanley, Phyllis, Creed, Meredith, Kelly and Ryan. We're a regular Ocean's Eleven. Pam Jim, David Wallace is calling for you. Jim Oh, okay. Hello. Hey, David. Sure. Michael Pam, you broke up with your boyfriend and then kept working together. How did that work out? Pam You remember you fired Roy for attacking Jim and I don't talk to him anymore really. Michael Acrimonious. Michael This way to the party bus. Good. Meredith [Sign says 'No Alcohol, No Loud Talking'] Um, What the hell? Michael It's a bus that takes you to a party. Here we go. Meredith Um, I forgot my... Michael Here we go. Come on. Okay, everybody here? All Yeah! Michael Then, Mr. Driver, we are off like a herd of turtles! Johnny Carson. [Meredith runs to catch up to bus with her large drink cup] Dwight Seat belts fastened, folks. Safety first. Hey what is all this? Michael Nothing. Dwight If I guess, will you tell me? Michael No. Dwight Please? Michael No! Dwight Is that a sumo suit? Michael No. Dwight I know, we're putting on a play for Japanese investors. Michael No, we are not. Dwight Please tell me. I've been so good... Michael You are really annoying me. If you don't knock it off... Dwight Please. Michael ...I'm never gonna tell you anything ever again. Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Dwight Please. Meredith Can we please pull over at the next rest stop? Michael No. We're only 10 minutes from the lake. Meredith Pull over! Pull over! [Meredith uses a bush while all the other passengers look the other way, except Creed] Michael Yes, I am choosing my apprentice. Which is why I have modeled all my games after Survivor. Michael Any questions? Jim Just one. Michael Yup. Jim The torches are lit. Michael Yes, for dramatic affect. Jim No, Michael, people are blindfolded. That's a hazard. Michael Very good, Jim. Pam, please note that Jim is very astute. All right, are we ready? Jim Are you not gonna put out the torches? Michael Set! Jim Okay. Michael Go! Phyllis I think Jim would be a good boss. Plus he's eye candy. It's OK, Bob... Vance knows he's on my list. Um, George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jim, and that British guy that got in trouble with a prostitute. Andy It is an honor just to be considered for Michael's job. Honestly. And if I win it, then I will be ordering a pretty sizeable Most Improved Player plaque to put over the hole I punched in the wall. Michael [sighs] Okay. Pam, who came out best in the race, in your opinion? Pam Um, Karen left her blindfold on the longest but she also threw her egg at Jim. Michael Because he wasn't following the rules. Pam I think they were just having fun. Michael But they didn't complete their task, Pam! If people can't carry an egg in a spoon, blindfolded, then what does that tell you about how they will be able to manage a sales report, or conduct a business call? Pam It tells me nothing. Michael Exactly. Are you sure you're doing that right? Taking an awfully long time. Pam There's 800 of them! Michael Okay, all right. Michael It's very important that you all try to eat as many hotdogs as you can... Meredith Hotdogs are really unhealthy. Michael Son of a bitch. God! Okay. All right you know what? Here we go. On your mark! Get set! Phyllis Is there any mustard? Michael No mustard! No mustard! Just... eat it. Eat it, Phyllis. Dip it in the water so it will slide down your gullet more easily. Everyone That's what she said! Michael No, no, no, no, not that-- just... come on, you guys, let's do it! I'm serious. Who's got the hungry? Dwight I do! Michael Who's got the hungry? Dwight I do! Michael Come on, Ryan... Dwight Let's go. Michael Ryan, I want to see you with a hot dog in your mouth. Right now. Jim Karen and I are having our own contest to see who can eat the most normal amount of tuna salad in an unspecified but very cofortable amount of time. I don't know what to tell you. Right now? Dead heat. Andy Keep eating tuna, Big Tuna. Loser! Jim He's gonna throw up. Michael [Dwight and Stanley are in sumo suits] Ready! Go! Phyllis The guy who sits behind me and the guy who sits across from me are fighting to see who becomes my boss. [laughs] Dwight [Dwight knocks Stanley down] Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Eat sand, you fat, old man! Kevin Oh, I'm out of it. Let's face it, the hot dog-eating contest was my best shot. Ryan Michael, since Andy isn't here, maybe I could be the team captain. Michael You? You haven't made a sale. Ryan I know, but I'd like to give this a try. Michael Don't try to flirt your way into this. Sometimes you really creep me out. Andy [in sumo suit, waves down a car, which swerves around him, runs after it, waving his arms] Wait! [throws sumo hair-hat at the retreating car] Michael Andy Bernard is in first place with four hot dogs! Dwight Schrute is a close second with three and a half! Here comes Stanley! Here comes Stanley, with three hot dogs! Michael This is an inflatable sumo suit. [blows] Now, in the olden days, when they wanted to find a guy who could be king, they would have him pull a sword out of a stone. Well, times have changed. [blows] And it's not even about who is the best sumo wrestler. It's about who is the best boss. And I don't even care who wins. [blows] It's how they wrestle in a blow-up suit... [breathes in] that will tell me all I need to know [blows] or how sumo... [collapses]