I had no idea when I got in that car and headed to New York I was going to quit. I got on that ramp and I thought two hours, two hours to go. Feeling good. Listen to some tunes. Should've peed before I left. Michael michael Michael get to the good part. Kelly kelly Okay, so. I get up to the building, I get to the revolving door... broken! So I have to take the normal door. Michael michael At least he is in the building. Oscar oscar No, No! I was so nervous it was the wrong building! I walked into the wrong building! Michael michael [groans] Everyone everyone He finally has a story everyone wants to hear... and he knows it. Pam pam Okay focus. Focus. You're in the right building, you're with the right people; what happened? Pam pam I looked at Wallace and I said "I quit!" and as I turned to leave I looked back and I said "You have no idea how high I can fly." Michael michael Did you tell him how sick of him you were? Stanley stanley Why would I do that? Michael michael Well, wouldn't it feel good to tell him that he was incompetent? Angela angela That he's wasted 15 years of your life? Kevin kevin Did you spit in his face? Meredith meredith You guys have thought about this a lot more than I have. I just winged it. Michael michael I love a good quitting story. It makes me feel like I have control over my own life. Gives me hope. Maybe I will have one of own someday. [laughs] But I dream... so... Oscar oscar [Michael has a 'sticky-hand' toy and snags a paper off Jim's desk and then laughs] About a week ago, Michael gave his 2-week notice. And, surprisingly there is a very big difference between Michael trying and Michael not trying. Jim jim Michael is that scotch? Kevin kevin Scotch with Splenda. Tastes like Splenda, gets you drunk like scotch. [in Oscar's ear] Clinky, clinky-clink. Come-on... come on, come on. Michael michael [slightly drunk] What am I gonna do? I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do. I gonna do a little bit of this, a little bit of that. I gonna stay up all day. Gonna sleep it up all night. I'm gonna give it a OHH! HEY! HO! And I'm going to stop worrying about calories. Michael michael Maybe you should go into your office, close the door, and make some calls about jobs? Stanley stanley I have a job. Michael michael For four more days. Andy andy Do you have any leads on a job? Pam pam Pam, what you don't understand is that at my level you just don't look in the want-ads for a job. You are head-hunted. Michael michael You called any headhunters? Jim jim Any good headhunter knows I am available. Michael michael Any really good headhunter would storm your village at sunset with overwhelming force and cut off your head with a ceremonial knife, Dwight dwight Right, cause that's what we are talking about. Jim jim Uh, I need you to go over this client list and indicate any wrong or false data. Charles charles You're 'I need you to' is my command. Michael michael Okay. Charles charles Hey Michael... Andy andy Hey. Michael michael Can I talk to you a minute? Andy andy You can talk to me for as long as you want. I have all the time in the world. [eats some spaghetti] Oh God! Blech! Phyllis! Michael michael I just wanted to tell you that... Oh What? [takes a present out from behind his back] What's that? Andy andy Oh! Hey. What is this about? Michael michael Um, you know, cause your leaving and so, it's a farewell... Andy andy Oh. Michael michael I hope I get to work with you someday again. Andy andy Me too, me too. Is this wine? Michael michael Ah... busted. Yes Andy andy I already have wine. Michael michael Oh. Andy andy [interviewee enters office] Hello. Isaac isaac Hi. Pam pam Isaac Silby here for the interview Isaac isaac Uh, yes. Please have a seat. It'll be a few minutes. Pam pam Thank you. [to Michael] You interviewing too? Isaac isaac Hmm? Michael michael Interviewing? Isaac isaac For? Michael michael Regional manager. Isaac isaac Yes I am. Michael michael For regional manager I've decided to go with an outside hire. For obvious reasons. Charles charles Where you from? Michael michael Philly. Isaac isaac That's a drive! Michael michael Yeah, well this is one of the few places that's hiring. It's uh, its brutal out there. Isaac isaac [sighs] Michael michael Pam? Kevin kevin Hmm? Pam pam When will the new copier be ready? Kevin kevin I'm working on it Kev. Pam pam You said it would be ready by today. And it is today. Kevin kevin It'll be ready soon. Pam pam Soon could mean anything. Soon could be 3 weeks. Kevin kevin Is that what 'soon' means to you? Pam pam Sometimes. Kevin kevin Then come back soon. Pam pam During the course of business, a copier goes though something called 'Normal wear and tear.' Pam pam [feeding coins into a vent] I think it's 75 cents. Creed creed That's a lot. Oscar oscar [Bandit is chewing on wires] Bandit, No! No no no! Angela angela [dumps coffee all over the copier glass] Oh! Kevin kevin Yesterday, they delivered the new one. But they didn't set it up. So my day just got a little more interesting. [holds up a huge manual] Pam pam [overhears loud monster noises] Its Monster dot com. Singular. Jim jim Thank you. [groaning ceases] Michael michael You work in paper long enough, you get to know the players. [dials phone] Michael michael Hi, you've reached Prince Paper. We are sad to inform you that after 40 years of serving the community we are no longer in business. Thank you for your support. May God bless you. [girl's voice] Bye! Phone phone [sighs] What am I gong to do? Uh... [chuckles]. Michael michael PSST! PSST! Michael michael Yeah... .you want me to come in your office? Oh. Jim jim Okay, oh okay, okay. Close your eyes. Michael michael I would prefer not to. Jim jim Just close your eyes. I'm going to start my own paper company. Michael michael You're starting your own paper company? Jim jim yeah! Michael michael Why? Jim jim Can you believe... cause I know paper. I know everything there is to know about paper. Michael michael Do you know the industry is in decline? Jim jim Yeah! Oh God. I practically invented decline. Michael michael Right. Jim jim Right, I know paper, I know how to manage. I have a name, close your eyes. Michael michael No, I did that before, it added nothing. Jim jim Close them. Michael michael Okay. [keeps eyes open] Jim jim Alright, Michael Scott Paper Company. You want in? Do you want to be a part of this? Michael michael I am not gonna do this. Jim jim Obviously. Michael michael And you are not going to, either. Jim jim Oh, agreed, mmm, except... Michael michael Here's the thing. What I wish for you is that you land a job at a company that A, exists, and B, has a salary. Because they're set up to do that kind of thing. Jim jim Hey hey... what's up Chuck? Michael michael Jim. Charles charles Hey. Jim jim what are you doing? Charles charles Nothing, just talking. Jim jim Okay, Michael handed in his 2-week notice, did you also hand in your 2-week? Charles charles I didn't... no. Jim jim Okay. After you. Charles charles No I'm staying. Michael michael Okay. Charles charles [examining the copier manual] Do you want me to translate the German instructions for you? Dwight dwight No, I'm sure they're pretty much the same as the English instructions. Pam pam Typical American ignorance that got us involved in a war we never should have been in. World War II. Dwight dwight That's a really... well fine, Do the German instructions say what this is supposed to do? Pam pam Deutsch... let me see here. That is either an incense dispenser, or a ceremonial sarcophagus. Dwight dwight Hmm... Pam pam My German is pre-industrial and mostly religious. Dwight dwight Pam, listen. This order form. Instead of saying "Dunder Mifflin" at the top is there any way I could get it to say something else? Michael michael Like Michael Scott Paper Company? Pam pam You... oh. Somebody has been talking in bed. Pillow talk. Michael michael Hmm... yeah. Listen Michael. Have you really thought this through? 'Cause it's a pretty big risk. Pam pam This is a dream that I have had since lunch, and I am not giving up on it now. Michael michael Yeah... you could give it up though right? And almost nobody would know. Pam pam Before you got here, I'm the one who landed all these clients. Half of them, at least. I can do it again. I know the market, I know the price points. I'm on it, don't worry. So, how do I do that? Michael michael Well, um, you can scan it, and then you can upload the image, and then you can copy the new image. Pam pam Can't I take some paper and just tape over it with transparent tape? Michael michael Yeah. Good. Pam pam Thank you very much. Michael michael Mmm-hmm Pam pam So that is why I have to leave at 5: Kelly kelly I am aware of the effect I have on woman. Charles charles So you should be heading back to your desk. Kelly kelly Okay. Bye Charles. Well you'll let me know. Good bye. Angela angela She's such a special person. And she's turning 50 this year. Kelly kelly I'm starting my own paper company. Michael michael No way!? Andy andy Yeah. Michael michael In this climate? Andy andy Yeah. In all climates. It's going to be worldwide. And I'm looking for some talented salesmen to join me. That's where you come in. Michael michael Ehh... [in accent] well it's a very intriguing concept, isn't it? Um... hmmm..[makes weird noises to stall, Dwight enters] Michael is starting his own paper company. What do you think about that? Andy andy Your own paper company. Dwight dwight Can you believe it? Well, we'll see, we'll see. It's just a, just a nugget of an idea right now so Michael michael Right... Dwight dwight Potential, lots of potential. yes. Michael michael What a courageous venture. Dwight dwight It's... it's very courageous, very exciting. Um... Michael michael Location is hard for me, with the farm and the responsibilities... Dwight dwight That's what I was thinking, with the farm, so... You getting to wherever I'm gonna put my thing. Michael michael Okay. So yeah. Dwight dwight So think about it. Lets put a pin in it for now. Michael michael You know, I would love to put a pin in that. Dwight dwight Everyone, can I have your attention. This is the moment you've all been waiting for. Right? [drum roll on copier] Pam pam Little Ms. Thing wants attention. Meredith meredith Meredith... [copier has an error] Oh... so uh... G-44. It's not ready Kevin! Pam pam I'm at a crucial point where I have sunk 4 hours into that copier, and I am not going to let it beat me like that wireless router did. Pam pam [bites his sandwich and notices there is a note in it] Oscar oscar You put a note in my food? Oscar oscar I made it sterile. Michael michael Just to say "sterile" doesn't make it so. Oscar oscar I am offering you the opportunity of a lifetime, Oscar. To come work for me. Michael michael Do you have a business plan? A funding request? Market research, financials? Oscar oscar No, no no. Michael michael You need those things. Most new businesses, they don't make a profit till at least two years. And then your margins will be razor thin. Best case scenario, you don't cut yourself a salary for at least 5 years. Can you go 5 years without a salary, Michael? Oscar oscar Okay. Michael michael Five years? Oscar oscar Okay, hey, you already have the job. You don't have to convince me. Michael michael It's just not prudent Michael. Oscar oscar [from inside the restroom] Stanley? Michael michael Can't you see I'm urinating? Stanley stanley Listen, Listen, Stanley. You don't have to answer me now. Michael michael No. Stanley stanley Just... I want you to think about it, I'm starting my own company. Michael michael No. Stanley stanley Oh-okay, you're not letting me finish, and you just lost out on a million dollars. Michael michael No I didn't. Stanley stanley You know what. I had a great time at prom. And no one said 'Yes' to that either. Michael michael How's it working? Pam pam Um, let's see... it's fine. Phyllis phyllis Good. Pam pam I did it. I learned everything about this machine. I know all the buttons, even the inside ones. I know all the error messages. I could do a bound book, in plastic with offset colors. Which feels... Pam pam Hey Hank, You ready? Charles charles Yeah. Hank hank Okay, Michael? Charles charles Hmm? Michael michael I can't pretend I haven't seen that. So I am going e to ask you to stand up, walk out. And you can't take anything. Charles charles Okay, I have immunity. It's my two-weeks... Michael michael not if you're starting your own paper company, Michael. Hank... Charles charles Okay Michael. Hank hank Hank? You really think Hank is going to be loyal to you? Hank, please escort Charles from the building. Michael michael Come on man, let's, let's go. Hank hank I always thought Michael got a bad rap. He's a good guy. And he's super funny. Yeah, maybe I should tell him before he goes. He's all the way over there. Kevin kevin [to everyone] Well here we are... I would just like to... Michael michael No, no no no. You're done, Michael. Charles charles [yelling from Parking lot] Alright then everybody, I'm outta here! Michael michael [from behind the upstairs window] What is he doing? It looks like he's saying something. Andy andy I think he's singing. Kevin kevin I can't believe this is really happening. Oscar oscar ... and I feel free! Michael michael And just like that. As mysteriously as he arrived, he was gone. [Michael sneaks back in the parking lot, and into a back door of the building] Oscar oscar The whole office feels darker, you know? It's just a sad dark day. Andy andy Andy He's gone. Phyllis phyllis I know. Andy andy You don't have to kiss his ass anymore. Phyllis phyllis Michael is like a movie on a plane. You know, it's not great, but it's something to watch. And when it's over you're like... how much time is left on this flight? Now what? Toby toby [Michael is Army crawling around the office] Michael? Pam pam Shh shh shh... don't look down, look straight up. Come on please! Michael michael These are for employees only. Angela angela Angela Kevin, you have to help me out I just need a few things then I will be gone. Michael michael Michael, why is it that you asked everyone except me, Angela, Creed, and Meredith? Kevin kevin I was going to, I wanted to. But I had to start somewhere. Michael michael But you didn't want to start with us? Kevin kevin No, of course not. But now I want everybody. Jim! Jim? Buddy, Hey! Buddy, Jimbo? Did you have time to think about my offer? Michael michael I did have a chance to think about it, but then I thought about something else. Jim jim So which way are you leaning? Michael michael Well it is tempting but I am 100% leaning towards something else. Jim jim Thanks Jim. Michael michael Hey, did anyone see the client list that Michael was supposed to be working on. Charles charles No. Dwight dwight Okay, let me know if you find it. Charles charles Okay, Okay, we don't have much time. Just act normal. Don't look at me people. Stop. Don't look down. Don't look down. He's going to see me. Don't look all the way up. Keep it at a normal height. Okay. This is not Michael Scott talking right now, this is your future. Hello, I am your future. You're older, and you are very happy now. Because you went with Michael Scott. Right. So everybody come on down. Lets just crawl out of here together. Alright? Come on! Are you, are you doing your best here? Are you being the best that you can be? [Pam is thinking hard] Alright. Everybody who's going to go with me I want you to stomp your foot. Okay, alright. Come on. You're coming with me. Come on Phyllis. Here we go, here we go! Michael michael Michael get up! Charles charles Oh God... okay alright. It's time to go it's time to go. Jim, let's go. Come on! Michael michael Michael, what are you doing? Charles charles I think maybe Hank should be here. Michael michael Hank? No, I don't need Hank Michael. Charles charles You're going to mess with me, is that what you're going to do? I'll tell you something Charles, I don't even care. Cause I've got nothing got lose. [Charles steps towards Michael] Oh my God, OH GOD! No no, all right. Fine, it's not even worth it. Michael michael Oh no. Pam pam What? Jim jim I'm going with him. Pam pam What? Pam! Jim jim I'm going. Pam pam Pam! You can't be serious. Jim jim Michael, wait! I'm coming with you. Pam pam You are? Michael michael Yeah. Pam pam Okay. It's going to be great. Michael michael Great. Uh, except, I don't want to be a receptionist anymore. Pam pam Right... Executive assistant. Michael michael Salesman. Pam pam Alright, okay. Deal! Okay, well... Jim? Michael michael Still no. Jim jim Well, okay, lets go. Michael michael Oh, all my stuff is still upstairs so... Pam pam Are people watching? Michael michael Probably. Pam pam Michael, its not how you leave in an office. It how you... Jim jim Jim Jim Jim... we're having a company meeting here. Michael michael I'll bring your stuff home. Okay, bye. Jim jim Okay, see you later. Pam pam Bye. Michael michael So, we had a personnel change today. Shouldn't effect our day to day. But, until we get a new receptionist I want Kevin on the phones. Charles charles Phones? Kevin kevin Also, there has been too much wasted time. So Stanley. Charles charles [holding a crossword puzzle] Yes. Stanley stanley Yeah, I want you to be on top of that okay? I want you to be my productivity czar. Okay, good. Uh, okay that it on my list. So uh, you know, no excuses guys. Lets get going okay? [everyone leaves except Kevin and Stanley, who are sitting stunned in their chairs] Charles charles