Gotta clear out these file cabinets people, a lot of these are dead accounts. "Scranton Mimeograph Corp?" I don't think we're doing business with them any time soon. That's odd. A letter from Robert Dunder. "A valuable artifact has come into my possession. I have hidden it until such time as a person of strong intellect may safely recover it. This golden chalice is of immeasurable historical and religious significance." The Holy Grail. Dwight dwight [on phone]: Did you send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail? Pam pam I think I'm a little too busy these days to s-- [whispering] Oh ,my God. I did send Dwight on a quest for the Holy Grail. Jim jim The Dunder Code! I completely forgot about that prank. That had to be like six or seven years ago. Stayed late every night for a month. Had a lot more free time back then. Jim jim I don't get it. Kevin kevin Aha! A lightbulb. Dwight dwight A lightbul- Kevin kevin A lightbulb. Okay. Okay. [holding note over lamp] Invisible ink. Dwight dwight Whoa. Kevin kevin "Higher than numbers go." The ceiling above accounting! Dwight dwight Dwight! Down, Dwight! Dwight! Angela angela [on phone]: Man, I wish I was there to see his face when he gets to the end ... Jim jim ...and finds the... fake grail? No grail? Jim jim You don't remember? Pam pam I don't. Jim jim An "X." Dwight dwight Annex. It must open something in the annex. Oscar oscar Oh. Dwight dwight Whoa. Kevin kevin "Sedes introiti." Seat of entrance. Dwight dwight [shouts while cutting up seat cushion - gasps upon finding playing cards] Dwight dwight What? Pete pete What? Oscar oscar That's a flush. Kevin kevin [murmuring as Dwight holds up toy forklift] All all The warehouse. All all [on phone to Jim] There's nothing down here. Pam pam Oh, I expected more from young Halpert. Jim jim Let's just forget it. Forget it. [warehouse worker dips donut into golden chalice] Dwight dwight So, how are we getting on with our grand social media initiative? Nellie nellie Well, we created a fake profile for a really cool guy named Derek McBlack. Erin erin Wow. Nellie nellie It's just Pete in sunglasses. Erin erin Oh. Nellie nellie And then we had him "Like" Dunder Mifflin. Erin erin Then we created a bunch of fake friends for Derek, and we had all of them "Like" Derek's "Likes." Pete pete So far, we're only popular with imaginary people, but we think this is the start of something big. Erin erin You two are geniuses. And I am a genius putting you two together. Nellie nellie All right. Erin erin Pete and I work well together -- not that there's anything special about Pete. It could be any guy... or girl- not that I'm into girls. Not that I'm into Pete. Ugh! What was the question? Erin erin Hey. Jim jim Hey Jim. Peter Rowley at Bridgeport Capital requested a meeting at lunch. Coworker coworker Okay. Can we keep it on the early side, though? I got that thing in Scranton later. Jim jim Uh sure. No problem. Co-worker #2 co-worker Cece's ballet recital is today. I cannot wait. I've been working with her on her move. It's called the Cece Spin and Kiss. Do you want to see it? It's kind of like this. It's pretty cute, right? Jim jim Pfft, "Athlead"? Please. They're too lazy to call it Athletes Lead? Jim should just call it "Stumpany," for "Stupid Company." Dwight dwight Nothing stupid about working for yourself. Hanging out with pro athletes, getting free tickets to the games. That's why I'm doing it. Darryl darryl You're working for "Stumpany" too? Dwight dwight Yeah, just weekends for now, but pretty soon, I'm switching over. Darryl darryl What? Dwight dwight Yep. Darryl darryl [on phone] Hey, Halpert, what's the big idea? First you jump ship. Now you're stealing Darryl too. When will it end? Dwight dwight Well, take your worst fear and multiply it by infinity. Jim jim You won't stop until you've poached us all. Dwight dwight Yeah. Even you. Jim jim No. I'll be damned if I'm gonna let us lose me. Dwight dwight Bye, Dwight. Jim jim Hi. How are ya? Good to see you. Jim jim Hey, Angela? Did you hear about the Irish-American Cultural Center mural? Pam pam Ooh, I haven't heard it. So, what about the Irish-American Cultural Center mural? Potato? Kevin kevin Oh, no, Kevin, it's not a joke. Angela's husband put me up for a- um, just never mind. Pam pam I have no information. But I'm sure as soon as they know, they'll call you. Angela angela Senator Lipton helped me submit my design for a new mural on a building downtown. Now I'm just waiting to hear from the selection committee. But, you know, let's be realistic. There are a ton of great artists in Scranton with way more experience. I mean, who are they gonna go with -- some nobody like me or a big name like Tracy Fleeb? Pam pam Well, I'm heading out to Cece's dance recital. Pam pam Aw. Oscar oscar Hey, Cece, Daddy's gonna have dinner with us tonight after he comes to your recital. Are you excited? Pam pam Yeah. Cece cece Let's call him. Pam pam [line trilling] None none Hey. I was just about to call you. Jim jim Hey, Hon, are you close? Pam pam I am still in Philly, actually. Jim jim What? Pam pam It's insane. This huge investor got cold feet, so I'm stuck here trying to keep him on board. Jim jim Hon, I wish you would have told me an hour ago, when you knew you weren't gonna make it. Pam pam Pam, I couldn't get out. I barely made it out just to make this phone call. Jim jim I want Daddy. Cece cece You're gonna do great. And you know what? Mommy's gonna record it. So we'll watch it together. Do you mind doing that, Pam? Jim jim Of course. Pam pam Okay. Are you sure you know how to do video on the phone? Jim jim Yes, Jim, I think I know how to point a rectangle at something. Pam pam Okay, okay, you know, just sometimes you're not the best with the phone. Jim jim I know how to operate my phone, okay? Listen, we're getting close. We will talk to you later. Say, "Bye, Daddy." Pam pam Bye, Daddy. Cece cece Bye. [pause] Yep. See, you've still got to press "End," Pam. Jim jim Press "End." Cece cece Oh, check it out. This is our first real "Like." Pete pete Oh, my gosh! Erin erin Oh! All right, Alan Olson from North Dakota. He also likes Hammermill and Georgia Pacific. Pete pete Wow. That guy's really into paper. Erin erin Yeah. Pete pete Well done, you two. Nellie nellie We did it. Youth task force forever. Erin erin Yes. Pete pete [doing a series of hand bumps with Erin] Bap, bup, bup, bap. Wait. Did I go first and then you? Pete pete No, you go -- okay. Erin erin All right, all right.Okay, start over. Pete pete Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh God. Andy has just started to be nice to me, I just sent his girlfriend into the arms of a younger man. "Our social media presence should be hot, hot, hot. Go at it vigorously." I did everything but unzip their pants for them. Oh, God, Nellie. Nellie nellie Hey, everybody. Uh, coffee order is going around -- on me. Just sign your name below. Dwight dwight [murmuring] All all You're welcome. Dwight dwight Wait. This says "Dunder Mifflin Loyalty Pledge"? Phyllis phyllis This -- uh, what? Double mocha latte, please? You got it. Just sign your name below. Whatever you want. Dwight dwight "Loyalty pledge"? Oscar oscar Come on, Dwight, stop overreacting. I'm getting all my work done here. No customers have complained. Nobody even knows. Darryl darryl Yeah, we'll see about that. Dwight dwight Bust out your complaint files. I need everything you've got on Darryl since he started working for Jim in the last few weeks. Break it down by keyword, okay? "Infuriating, irresponsible"... Dwight dwight They got us set up with Windows 95, so you're kind of dreaming here. Clark clark Okay, I'm gonna need you to print it out. Dwight dwight [dot matrix printer beeping and whirring loudly] None none [writing on white board] Customer Loyalty. What is it? Can you hold it in your hand? Can you nudge it with your finger? Can you dump it on a woman? No. Why? Because it's an idea. But what does it mean? Dwight dwight Ooh, it's when you get a free sandwich after you've already eaten ten sandwiches. Kevin kevin Not even close. Mr. Romanko has been a client for 20 years. He came in today in a rage. Why? Because of Darryl. Because Darryl was focusing on outside projects and needs to remember his first priority- the client. Dwight dwight I wouldn't say a rage. Mr. Romanko mr-romanko Mr. Romanko, we were a day late on one of your deliveries, but two of our trucks were down for repairs. It's very unlikely it would happen again. Darryl darryl Thank you. Thank you. Mr. Romanko mr-romanko No, you're not going anywhere, okay? You are angry, and we are gonna hear you out, all right? Because business is about relationships, and the key to relationships is what, Darryl? L- Dwight dwight Loyalty. Darryl darryl Loyalty. Dwight dwight Loyalty is exactly right. Nellie nellie Thank you. Dwight dwight Yes. I mean, it is everything. Let's all ask ourselves, have we been faithful in our relationships? Nellie nellie That's none of your damn business. Stanley stanley Darryl is "dating" Dunder Mifflin. Nellie nellie Darryl is dating Val... still. Darryl darryl But he's flirting with Jim's company on the side. And we all know what flirting can lead to. Nellie nellie I'm sorry. Do I still need to be here? Mr. Romanko mr-romanko Yes. Dwight dwight I'm having a bit of trouble understanding the importance of loyalty. So let's- let's use an example. Take Erin. Erin's boyfriend Andy, is away across the ocean. Nellie nellie Yeah. Dwight dwight So is it all right for her to flirt with Creed, for example? Nellie nellie Let's try it out. Creed creed No, let's- let's- let's not say Creed. Let's say Mr. X. Nellie nellie Well, I think it would be immoral for Erin to cheat on Andy. Angela angela Oh, I'm sorry. Didn't you cheat on Andy? Erin erin Yes. And he didn't like it. Angela angela Does Mr. X know that Erin has a boyfriend, or did Erin keep that from Mr. X? Phyllis phyllis Okay, this is really hard to follow. Can we just say Pete because that's the guy that Erin's flirting with? Kevin kevin Ladies and gentlemen, the Little Ladybug Ballerinas. Dance Teacher dance-teacher [Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star plays] None none One, two, three. Ballerinas ballerinas [Pam's cell phone ringing] None none Really? Parent in Audience parent-in-audience Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. Pam pam One, two, three. Ballerinas ballerinas [whispering] Hello? Yes, this is Pam Halpert. I got the mural? [Loudly] Oh, my God! Pam pam Shh! Audience audience [whispering] Um, I'm sorry. I have to go. My daughter's a ladybug. I know that doesn't make any sense. Um, thank you, thank you. Pam pam You're very rude. Parent in audience #2 parent-in-audience Yes, very rude. Parent in audience #1 parent-in-audience Shh! Kids are dancing. Pam pam Thank you so much for coming. Darryl and I will be here to serve you for years and years and years and years. [chuckles] So, should we go call Jim and tell him to go screw himself? Dwight dwight Dwight, look, I'm sorry you're having a hard time with this, okay? Athlead is my future. No disrespect to Dunder Mifflin, but if I can have fun at work, I want that. Darryl darryl It can't be more fun than selling paper and paper products. Dwight dwight It can. Darryl darryl Are you pretending to be crazy, huh? Dwight dwight Well, Andy's cute, but he's too vanilla, whereas Pete - he's just one sick dude. I mean, you know this guy likes to get weird. Phyllis phyllis I'm just gonna say this one more time. Pete and I haven't done anything. Erin erin Yeah right. With slammin' bods like that, they ain't playing checkers. Meredith meredith People, it's 2013. Erin is a strong, independent woman. Who says she has to end up with any man? Oscar oscar Okay, can everyone please stop speaking for me? Andy is my boyfriend. Pete and I are just friends. And that's the end of it. Right, Pete? Erin erin That is correct. Come on, guys, where is this even coming from? Pete pete Your feelings for Erin? Probably your heart... and a little bit your penis. Kevin kevin [groan] All all Nellie, you have to shut down the task force. I'm not sure if you need to start a new task force to do that, but please just shut down the task force. Erin erin I suppose that will- that will be all right, yeah. Nellie nellie Most relationships eventually die on their own, but sometimes they just need a little pillow over the face. You're welcome, Andy. And you're welcome, my own ass. Nellie nellie Listen, I appreciate you taking the time with me. Investor investor Peter, please. We completely understand your concerns here. Let us just show you the latest projections. Jim? Coworker coworker Uh, Wade actually has those on the road, but he's gonna be calling in with those numbers any second. So just hold on one s- Jim jim [cell phone vibrates] None none Oh, actually... uh, nope. That is my wife. Again, he'll be calling in any second. Jim jim [on phone] Hey, uh, give me a call back when you get a chance. Cece did great, and I want to tell you something. Pam pam Hey boss, you gotta jump on a delivery. Lonny lonny I don't do that anymore. Darryl darryl That's what they told me. Lonny lonny [sighs] Darryl darryl All right, let's get this over with. Darryl darryl You looking for fun? It just found you! Woo! [laughs] Here we go! Yeah! Dwight dwight Yes, we will be delivering a shipment of paper today, but I will also be delivering you a big shipment of fun! Dwight dwight [We are young plays on radio] None none How far is this place? [turns off radio] Darryl darryl Uh, not far at all, but I thought along the way, we could play some sports. [throws small ball at Darryl] Dwight dwight Fun. Darryl darryl Hey, really nice job in that meeting in there. Toby toby Oh, thank you. I don't know, I sort of thought- Nellie nellie [hugging Nellie] So proud of you, Hon. Toby toby Oh, I don't know. Okay. Nellie nellie I'm just curious though, what do you have against Pete and Erin? Toby toby Well, Andy wrote me a really nice recommendation letter for the adoption agency, and I- I just sort of felt I owed him one. Nellie nellie Pete's a pretty cool guy, though, and Andy was a terrible lover to Erin. He basically ignored her and left on a boat. Toby toby I didn't really think about it like that. Nellie nellie Yeah, well... Not everybody has what we have. Toby toby "What we have"? Nellie nellie Mm-hmm. Toby toby I just remembered... I kissed that man. Oh, no. Oh, no. Nellie nellie Yes. Fast food. I'll take a burger over a gross Philly cheese-steak any day. Dwight dwight They have fast food in Philly. Darryl darryl Not like this. Dwight dwight Exactly like this. Darryl darryl And your milkshake. Fast Food Worker fast-food-worker Thank you. Dwight dwight It's 30 degrees out. You drinkin' a mildshake? Darryl darryl Nope. [throwing milkshake] Fire in the hole! [laughs] Oh, yeah! Now that's what working at a paper company's all about! Dwight dwight [Darryl take keys out of ignition] None none Wait, what you doing? No, I need the k- We have to go. Dwight dwight You just threw a milkshake in a restaurant where they make minimum wage. Darryl darryl It's a youtube thing! Let's go. Let's go. Come on, they're coming. Dwight dwight Anyone want to see the video from Cece's recital? Pam pam Oh, I would love to, but I am swamped... with that [picks up piece of paper]. Angela angela I'll watch it. Let's get this over with. Oscar oscar All right, you don't have to. Pam pam Let's get this over with, Pam. Kevin kevin Okay. Pam pam [sound of applause on phone] None none Oh. Oscar oscar Wait. What? Pam pam [recorded on phone] Excuse me, I have to get back to work. Pam pam Oh, no. I took a phone call in the middle of taping, and then when I went to turn it back on, I must have turned it off. Pam pam User error. I've heard of that happening to other people. Oscar oscar Oscar, don't rub it in. I'm sure Pam is already kicking herself for choosing a phone call over her child. Angela angela Well, it was an important phone call. Pam pam I haven't told anyone here about the mural yet. I want Jim to be the first to know. Whenever I tell him good news, he's always like, "Beesly!" I love that. Only thing better than getting the job- "Beesly!" [chuckles] Pam pam Hey. Pete pete Hello, Peter. Erin erin [cleaning up milkshake in restaurant] It barely even feels like a prank anymore. Dwight dwight You missed a spot. Darryl darryl Fire in the hole! [throwing milkshake] Go! Go! Go! Go! [tires screech] Drive Thru Customer drive-thru-customer Ha ha! Yeah, joke's on you buddy! They make you come back and clean it up! Dwight dwight I am sorry that was so awkward for you two in that meeting. But I am going to have to reassemble the youth task force. Nellie nellie Oh, no, I really don't think that's a good idea. Erin erin Well, that is not your call. I made the decision. You have no choice in the matter, and everybody knows it. Nellie nellie Well, okay, then. Pete pete I guess we don't have a choice. Erin erin Nope. Nellie nellie yeah. Pete pete Yeah. Erin erin Lady...you never stop surprising me. Toby toby [sighs] Dwight dwight [clears throat] Darryl darryl What? What was that? Did I just hear you laughing with glee? Dwight dwight No. I was clearing my throat. Darryl darryl Good night. Meredith meredith Night Pam pam Night Creed creed Night, Creed. Pam pam [cell phone rings] None none Hey. Pam pam Hey. Jim jim So, how's it going? Pam pam We lost Bridgeport Capital. I have no idea what happened. It's like everything I did, he just wouldn't go for it. Jim jim I'm so sorry. Pam pam I have no idea where we're gonna come up with this money, and we have to work insanely hard over the next few weeks. Jim jim [sighs] Oh, I'm sorry. I feel like you've already been working insanely hard. Pam pam Can you figure out how to upload Cece's dance recital? I definitely could use a pick-me-up. Jim jim Um, actually, funny story -- I didn't get it. I shouldn't have been so cocky about my rectangle-holding skills after all. Pam pam You're not serious, are you? You didn't get any of the recital? Jim jim No, I got the teacher introducing them and then the applause afterwards. But not so much of the middle part. Pam pam Come on, Pam. Pam, I asked you if you could use the phone, and you swore that you knew how. Jim jim Yeah, okay, I'm sorry. I'm sure we can get a copy. A lot of people were taping it. Pam pam Oh, great. So we'll see somebody else's kid with Cece in the background? I mean, it's really not that hard to film a video. Jim jim Is there- um... you want to ease up a little bit? Pam pam Look, Pam, I don't know what to tell you. I mean, what do I do? It's gone. That moment's just gone. I missed it. Jim jim I don't know, Jim -- maybe you should have been there. Pam pam You're not serious, right? I mean, how is that fair? I'm in Philly. These are my days in Philly. You've agreed to this. Jim jim You know what? I- I- I don't think you want to start a conversation with me about what's fair. Okay? This is way more intense than I ever -- Pam pam Pam, I'm not explaining this to you- Pam, I'm not going over this again. Jim jim Jim. We need you. Coworker coworker I don't know how else to tell you, okay? I'm doing everything I can every week to bring home something... Jim jim I am- I am- I am trying to make everything perfect here, okay? So that you can have everything that you want. Pam pam I'm doing this just for me? Is that what I'm doing? I'm doing it just for me. If that's what you think, then this is a really sad night. But you know what? I got to go. Okay? Jim jim Yep. Pam pam We'll talk tomorrow? Jim jim Yep. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Pam pam Okay. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Jim jim Bye. [quietly crying, sniffling] Pam pam Hey, you okay? Brian brian What am I doing wrong, Brian? Pam pam Nothing. You're doing the best you can. Brian brian Brian. Camera Man camera-man Give her a minute. Give her a minute. Brian brian [crying] Pam pam Hey, it's just a tough situation, all right? Brian brian It's getting tougher. I just didn't know that it was gonna be this hard. Pam pam Yeah. Let's turn the cameras off. Seriously, guys. Enough. Enough. Brian brian Thank you. Pam pam [on video] Fire in the hole! Go! Go! Go! Go! Guy guy [watching you tube video, laughing] Darryl darryl [on video] I nailed that guy, dude. Oh yeah. Guy guy And replay. Darryl darryl [on video] Fire in the hole! Go! Go! Go! Go! I nailed that guy, dude. Oh, yeah. Guy guy [sighs] I'm gonna miss the paper business. Darryl darryl