Hey. Ready? Come on, show me excited! Michael michael Yes. [small fist-pumps from both Pam and Oscar.] Oscar oscar Yeah, I'm pretty excited too. Michael michael Today I'm heading over to the job fair at Valley View High School, to find some new interns. Want to get some fresh blood. Um, euthanize this place. Michael michael Hey, are we doing this thing? Darryl darryl Yup. Michael michael Oh my God, Darryl, you look like Barack Obama. Everybody I'm dating Barack Obama! Kelly kelly Why are you dressed like that? Michael michael [in a dress shirt and tie] Like what? Darryl darryl Like you're applying for a loan. Michael michael Maybe he's going to church. Or court. Dwight dwight Figured I look presentable. [looks Michael over] You? [Michael dressed casually in jeans and sneakers] Went a different way. Darryl darryl [to Darryl] I think you look nice. Pam pam [simultaneously] Thank you. {Michael} and {Darryl} michael darryl Okay, here's what we're going to do: Michael michael Today, I am meeting a potential client on the golf course, because Ryan put me on probation. You remember Ryan, he was the temp here. Yeah. And uh, it is not a good time for me to lose my job. Since I have some pretty big long term plans in my personal life with Pam, that I'd like her parents to be psyched about. So I am about to do something very bold at this job that I've never done before. Try. Jim jim [takes golf swing] Whoa! Phil Maguire phil-maguire Mr. Maguire, it's been a couple of years. Jim jim Hey Jim, how are you, nice to see you man. Phil Maguire phil-maguire Oh no! No, no-no-no-no! My grandfather would be spinning in his urn, if he knew that I was out here with a Dartmouth boy. You take that shirt off right now or I will take it off for you, sir. I am... totally and completely kidding! [they both laugh] Andrew Bernard, Cornell '95. Andy andy Phil Maguire, Dartmouth, '74 [goes to shake Andy's hand] Phil Maguire phil-maguire Oop, got some blisties. Andy andy Yeah, you do. Phil Maguire phil-maguire Hit about 1200 balls last night, in preparation for today, so hands are a little tender. [shows blisters on both hands] It's actually not funny at all. It's incredibly painful. Andy andy Let's make it interesting, say, uh, ten bucks a hole? Phil Maguire phil-maguire Great! Jim jim What are we talking? Skins? Acey Duecy? Bingo bango bongo? Sandies, Barkies? Arnies, Wolf? What? Kevin kevin I'm gonna take this petty cash I got from Oscar, and turn it into next month's rent. Kevin kevin So many memories in this old gym. Pretending I have PMS so I didn't have to play volleyball, pretending I have PMS so I didn't have to play basketball. Those were the days! Pam pam [Darryl approaches as students throw basketballs] A little over the top, don't you think? Michael michael Show them what you brought, Mike. Darryl darryl [holds up single sheet of paper] Um, that's all we brought. Pam pam This is all we need. Michael michael We'll see. Oscar oscar Yes we will see Oscar, we will see, because a blank sheet of paper equals endless possibilities! Conceptual! All right! We. Are. Open for business! [all four of them sit in an empty booth with small Dunder Mifflin sign] Hello! Michael michael Andy, you're up, let's go! Kevin kevin [gushing lotion inside his golf gloves] Giddy up, let's do this. Andy andy People assume I'm great at golf. But like everybody, I hated golf lessons when I was a kid. So, I used to hang out at the sailing club instead. Got my "knot" on. Andy andy [swings] Dammit! Andy andy Guys, do we have to stay all day? Meredith meredith I mean, Michael's gone, can't we just go? Phyllis phyllis Yeah, and I finished my work months ago! Creed creed Excuse me, people. It has come to my attention, some of you have forgotten, who is in charge here. When Michael is gone... Jim is in charge. When Jim is gone, Andy and I are in charge. When Andy is gone you answer to me. Okay? [Stanley gets up to go] Excuse me where do you think you're going? Oh no, no, no. You're not leaving. No! Stanley, do not walk out that door! If you walk out that door, so help me, I will - [Stanley leaves] He left. Last time I checked, the American workday ends at five pm. You will all stay at your desks until that time. Or, you will suffer the consequences. Dwight dwight What consequences? Phyllis phyllis I will tell on you. Dwight dwight There's some filing, restocking the supply shelves. Replacing the water jug, which nobody likes to do. Um, we... uh, eat a lot of cake! Pam pam Cool. Justin justin [laughs] Yeah, and uh, you basically learn how an office runs. Pam pam Hello. Hi. [to Pam] Can I talk to you for a sec? Excuse me. Michael michael This is Michael, my boss. [she points] Justin. Pam pam Hey, uh, remember what we talked about, in the car on the way up, "only the best and the brightest." Michael michael He's nice and he seems interested. Pam pam He's totally wrong, Pam. [to Justin] Hey. Michael michael Hi. Justin justin How you doing? Listen, I don't think that a handsome, funny, smart, funny-looking kid like you, should limit himself. You could do whatever you want to do. You could be a classy janitor, or a cashier with dignity, or a... migraine worker. [takes back the info flyer Justin holds] Maybe for you, paper should be more of a hobby. Michael michael Sorry for wasting your time. Justin justin Oh, no problem. [looks down] And he signed! He put his name on the piece of - okay, that was supposed to be a blank canvas on which to put their hopes and dreams. And he just, made it into a stupid piece of paper. We need another one, immediately. Michael michael Yeah, the booth is lame without it. Darryl darryl I only brought the one. Pam pam Are you mental? Michael michael Michael, do you remember, you specifically told me to only bring one sheet of paper? You said it only takes one sheet to make a difference. And I said, "Are you sure Michael?" And you said "Pam! Pam! Pam!" And then you sneezed in my tea, and then you said, "Don't worry, it's just allergies." Do you remember that? Pam pam I... don't. Michael michael Okay. I'll go look for another one. [she leaves] Pam pam And that. Is why. I need a smart intern. Michael michael Hey, so how's the direct mail business going? Jim jim I can't complain, people love their junk mail. Phil Maguire phil-maguire Now are you getting all your paper from PPC? Or- Jim jim You know what Jim? I'm not really looking to change things up right now, I just came out here to get out of the office for a little bit, so why don't we just play, okay? Phil Maguire phil-maguire Absolutely, will do. Jim jim So I guess I'll just... work on my short game. Jim jim [teen approaches table] Hello there. Michael michael What is this company? Kid kid Well it's funny that you should ask, because it's really more than a company... Michael michael Dunder Mifflin paper. Oscar oscar Thanks. [walks away] Kid kid Dammit, Oscar! Michael michael Yeah, I'm trying to lure these kids into my booth, but uh, kids are very wary about being "lured" these days. Thank you Dateline! Michael michael Thank you. [hangs up phone, leaves for restroom] Dwight dwight Extension 128. Angela angela [over phone] Hiya Pumpkin, it's Creed. Creed creed Say, we're gonna ditch this bitch. You in? Creed creed No. Angela angela Are you out? [Angela hangs up] Pumpkin's out, let's go gang! [they all make a run for the door, Dwight re-enters room with only Angela left] Creed creed My old art room. [finds a sheet of blank paper] Oh, maybe it's still here! [looks for her painting] No. No they must have taken it down. Never mind. Pam pam [answers cell] What do you want? Michael michael Michael, I know you're swamped. I just thought you should know that everyone in the office has left, except for Angela and I. Do not worry though, I have taken down their names, and I have docked them a personal day. Dwight dwight Who cares? I'm not there, Jim's not there, why should they have to be there? Michael michael So... what else is up? [Michael hangs up] Mich- Dwight dwight Thank you! [Pam hands him blank paper] What, what is this? Michael michael A piece of paper. Pam pam This isn't Dunder Mifflin paper. Some sort of Pendleton crap. Michael michael Well I think they'll get the spirit of it. Pam pam Pam-Pam-Pam-Pam-PamPamPamPam! We're dying here. I want you to go back to the office and I want you to get the real stuff. I want you to get ultra white card stock. Michael michael Are you serious? Pam pam Yes. And don't call me Shirley. Michael michael Okay. Pam pam Oh! [Phil is stuck in the sand trap] Ah, dammit! Phil Maguire phil-maguire You know, you can just pick it up, take the triple bogey. Jim jim Yeah I'll- I'll get it out. Thank you. Phil Maguire phil-maguire Yep. [Maguire keeps swinging] Jim jim [silently working] [Pam walks back into office, gets paper out of the copier, shows it "voila" to camera, leaves] {Angela} and {Dwight} angela dwight [Jim's cellphone rings] AH! Come on, Tuna! Andy andy Hey, can't really talk now, what's up? Jim jim Just checking in, how's it going? Pam pam Uh, you know, we'll see, we'll see. Jim jim I just drove twenty miles round-trip back to the office to get Michael a single sheet of white paper. So, I could have just had them fax it to me, I guess. Pam pam Oh, I like you. Jim jim Talk to you later? Pam pam Yeah. All right. Bye. [Kevin sinks putt] All right. Sorry, I got to annoy you one more time. What if I bring down shipping costs? Jim jim You can try. But I've looked at your prices. Even with free shipping? Doesn't work. It's just- it's not in the stars, Jim. [Phil sinks putt] Six. Phil Maguire phil-maguire Yeah. Kevin kevin All right, race to the next hole! [he runs off to the cart] Andy andy Ooh! Winner gets ten bucks! Wait -wait for me! Andy! Kevin kevin Shortcut! Shortcut! [drives cart off course, it flips over] Woah! I fell in the sandtrap! Andy andy [hums at copier, Angela waiting behind him] Dwight dwight All of these jobs? Suck. I would rather live jobless, on a beach somewhere, off the money from a large inheritance, than to have to work in any one of these crap-holes. They suck. Michael michael Hey! [walks up to Oscar and Darryl tossing basketballs, grabs Oscar's ball] Game over. [kicks the ball up to the gymnasium ceiling] Michael michael [singsong] Just-in time. Michael michael Hi. Justin justin Just-in case. What's your last name? Michael michael Polznik. Justin justin This... just in. Justin Polznik! Huh? Michael michael Justin is the ugly girl in the movie, who takes off her glasses and she's hot! And you realize she was always hot, she was just wearing glasses. And that you were the blind one. He's the most... important thing in my life right now. Michael michael I want you to meet my family. Come on. Oscar Martinez. Accountant extraordinaire. This is Justin. Michael michael Hey. Oscar oscar Hi. Justin justin This is Darryl Philbin. Isn't he big? And you already met her, Pam Beesly, office hottie. She will "do" you. [laughs] No, no. But she has already dated two guys in the office, that we know of, so, this could be number three, you never know? Michael michael Excuse me. Pam pam Come here. I would never say this to her face, but she is a wonderful person and a gifted artist. Michael michael Why, why wouldn't you say that to her face? Oscar oscar So, what do you think? Think these guys are nice? The guys I didn't bring are even better. Justin, I'm willing to commit right now. Would you do me the honor, of spending the summer with us, at Dunder Mifflin? I think, I think you are very special. Michael michael You didn't want me before. That's what you said. Justin justin No, I didn't. You misconstrued me. Michael michael You were kind of a jerk to me. Justin justin I, uh, hmm. Michael michael And I'm, I'm gonna go now. Justin justin Why don't... hey. Michael michael [trying to pick up a beer bottle with blistered hands, struggles trying to take a drink as everyone watches.] Andy andy [tries to stop a sneeze] Ah-choo! Dwight dwight Bless you. Angela angela Thank you. [Angela turns to look at him.] Dwight dwight Okay, Jim, you owe me one-twenty, and Phil, you owe me two-thirty. Kevin kevin Let's open a tab, because you and me are gonna be playing more often. Phil Maguire phil-maguire Count me in! Andy andy No. Phil Maguire phil-maguire All right! Andy andy Okay. You had some fun, and uh, I think I paid for it. So let me get my last shot in there. Is there anything you can do for me? Jim jim I'll tell you what. My fiscal year ends in two months, let's talk then. Sound good? Phil Maguire phil-maguire Absolutely. Jim jim Good playing with you guys. Phil Maguire phil-maguire Right on. Andy andy You know it's a tough thing, seeing a grown man take six shots to get out of a sand trap but, I had to give Phil credit for not quitting. Which is what I told him. I also told him I don't quit either, and I'd call him every single day until he gave me his business. Which he then did, after ...fifteen minutes of me blocking his car. So I am now his paper supplier! And I shot a 102 today, so I'm feeling pretty good. Jim jim The job fair will be closing in five minutes. Eighth period will commence as scheduled. Woman on mic woman-on-mic Hold down the fort, I have to do something. [walks up to microphone] Excuse me. If you can hear me, I'd like you to look around at all these companies and know that none of them are good enough for you. H&R Block? Come on, I mean I don't even know what they do. Frank Regan Funeral Home? Too much formaldehyde! The Air Force? [Airforce recruiter glares at Michael] Air Force is cool. The refreshments? Bush league! You know, that's not what you want. Dunder- they, well, okay I see security is coming so I just want to say, come to Dunder Mifflin. Dunder Mifflin, a great place to work! Anybody? Show of hands, anybody want to intern at Dunder Mifflin? We do not offer college credit, we cannot give you any sort of pay, but it is a really fun work environment. Anybody? Show of hands? Damn... it. Okay, I'm gonna wrap it up here. Thank you for your time, and drive safe. Michael michael [Dwight and Angela exiting, he opens door for her] Thank you. Angela angela You're welcome. Dwight dwight [clink of beer bottles] Beers? You closed it? Pam pam I closed it! Jim jim Yes! Oh! [runs into his arms, kisses him] Um, congratulations to you, sir. [they shake hands business-like] Pam pam Thank you. Oh, thank you very much. Appreciate it. Jim jim Well done. Pam pam Thank you. You know what, screw this! [pulls Pam into a big smooch] Jim jim Oooh! [Kevin and Andy add suggestive "bow-chicka-wow-wow" vocals] Kevin kevin Today I did something stupid. I questioned myself. And I will never do that again. Because I look at somebody like Jim Halpert and I think, that guy can do anything he wants to do. He could do anything, and he chooses to work here, selling paper. Just like me. Michael michael [standing way too close to Jim and Pam] Yeah, kiss her. Kiss her good. [Jim and Pam stop kissing] Michael michael Hi. Pam pam Hello. Graphics Guy graphics-guy I was just wondering, what kind of jobs do you guys have? Pam pam Are you interested in graphic design? Graphics Guy graphics-guy Yeah. Can I fill out an application? Pam pam Oh absolutely, here, take a seat. I should let you know right away, this is just an entry-level job. It's really basic. We're looking for like, a self starter, someone who can meet deadlines, who just pretty much just go the extra mile, I guess. Graphics Guy graphics-guy I can do that. Pam pam Great. And uh, obviously looking for someone who knows Photoshop, and Dreamweaver. Uh, Corel Painter, Illustrator, AfterEffects, all the basics. Graphics Guy graphics-guy I don't know any of those. Pam pam [laughs] It's actually not super-complicated. I mean I'm sure there's some sort of like, adult education classes in the area. But if you're really serious about graphic design, one thing about New York or Philadelphia, they've got amazing programs out there for design. Graphics Guy graphics-guy New York or Philadelphia. Pam pam Yeah. Graphics Guy graphics-guy All right. Cool, well... thanks. Pam pam Sure. Graphics Guy graphics-guy And uh, I'll look into those. Pam pam You should. Graphics Guy graphics-guy New York or Philadelphia. Pam pam Absolutely. Graphics Guy graphics-guy Okay. Pam pam It's where the action is. Graphics Guy graphics-guy Thanks. Pam pam Well, kids today have a very short attention span. They are into texting and video games and sex, and they just, they get distracted easily. And today they're being distracted by the other booths. Michael michael [clears throat] Hey, there! Michael Scott, regional manager, Dunder Mifflin. Michael michael Brad Bailey, nice to meet you. Brad brad That is a very firm handshake. Ow, ow, aahch! Killing my hand, there. Michael michael Yeah. Brad brad So, what is your poison? You like uh, sales, accounting, customer service, what do you like... Michael michael Sales, uh, sales would be cool. Brad brad Sales is and could be very, very cool. If you like paper, and you love to laugh, this is the place for you. Michael michael Well, that's great. Brad brad Right here. We have a lot of fun. Michael michael Mmhmm. Brad brad [Pam returns] This is one of our staff. This is Pam Beesly, [takes piece of paper from Pam] receptionist extraordinaire. Michael michael Hey, Pam, what's up? Brad brad Check that out, huh? Michael michael Hi, nice to meet you. Pam pam Pretty nice. Michael michael Yeah. Brad brad She sits there all day. Michael michael Nice. Brad brad You get to look at her. Why don't you hold out your hand. [hands Brad paper] Tell me what you feel. Michael michael Paper. Brad brad That's called card stock. That's what you're feeling. Now what you're feeling inside is confusion, butterflies, exhilaration... You're thinking, "Am I good enough for this job? Do I have what it takes?" And I think we both know the answer. We'll find that out together. You can keep that. Michael michael Are you sure? Brad brad Mmm, yeah. Michael michael Sweet. [camera zooms in on Pam] Brad brad Don't fold it, though. Michael michael We have the Dundies, my birthday, those blow out, and it's sexy, it's sort of a sexy atmosphere, you know? The other day, in the parking lot, I actually found a condom. So. [to Pam] I've been meaning to ask you, do you know whose that was? [Pam shakes head no] So, sexy is fun... Michael michael Well, it was nice meeting you, I'm, I'm gonna take off. Brad brad Hey, you know what? Coincidence - I am going to go for a little stroll myself. Are you psyched about the summer? Michael michael Oh, yeah. Brad brad Yeah, me, too. Michael michael Okay, well, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Brad brad Okay, be my guest. Michael michael Thanks. Brad brad And do your worst. Michael michael [to Brad coming out of the bathroom] Hey. Michael michael Whoa, come on! Brad brad So, I forgot to mention that my old temp is now my boss, so, gives you an idea of how quickly you can move up in this... Michael michael Yeah, I get it, okay, I'm not interested. Stop following me around; you're really starting to creep me out. Brad brad One other thing I wanted to... Michael michael Nnn, look. I was just being polite. I don't want to waste my life selling paper for your stupid company, okay? [walks away] Brad brad [laughs] Ohh...Nah. Michael michael I'm gonna take so much money off that guy. That guy is a whale. I'm gonna clean him out. This is really gonna get me out of a hole. Kevin kevin He's not my client. Kevin kevin If your client likes Italian food, you bring him to Cugino's. And if your client likes a little action, you bring him a gambler. And if your client hates Cornell, you bring him Andy. Jim jim [tries to break club over knee] Ow! Ow! [tries again] Owooh! Andy andy Guy's kind of a douche. Phil Maguire phil-maguire Yeah, well, you know...Cornell. Jim jim [chuckling] I guess. Phil Maguire phil-maguire Hey, Justin! Michael michael I'm sorry, I'm sort of in the middle of this. Justin justin Wait, you want this kid to be in the Air Force? Michael michael Absolutely. Justin is smart, capable, ambitious, and he aims high. Air Force Recruiter air-force-recruiter Time out. You think this kid could be a fighter pilot? Michael michael I think Justin can be anything he wants to be. Air Force Recruiter air-force-recruiter [chuckling] Okay. Justin justin Okay. Michael michael Have you given any more thought to Dunder Mifflin? Michael michael Well, you took away the brochure, so I sort of... Justin justin Well, yeah, but you don't need the brochure. The brochure is up here [indicates head] and it's in here. [indicates heart] Michael michael Oh. Justin justin I think you are smart, and capable, and you aim high. Michael michael That's what the recruiter just said. Justin justin I'm right. Michael michael