[to Jim] Hey, you ready? Michael michael All right, all right, secret sign. Hey, Ryan. [Ryan holds up his bag] Very good. Excellent, excellent. Michael michael Michael! Dwight dwight Today at lunchtime we're going to be playing the warehouse staff at a friendly little game of basketball. My idea. Last time I was down there, I noticed they'd put up a couple of hoops, and I play basketball every weekend. So I thought, "This might be kinda fun." And so I started messing around and... I'm sinking a few, you know. Swish, swish, swish. Nothing but net. And their jaws just dropped to the floor. African-Americans! So... you know, it's really just a good friendly game, a reason to get together. Michael michael Pam, Pam, thank you ma'am. Messages, please. Thank you. Michael michael Michael, can I talk to you, please? Privately? In your office? I think I should be on the team. Dwight dwight No. And that's not me being mean, Dwight. That is based on your past behavior. Michael michael Oh, please. Dwight dwight [to camera] When I let him come to my pick-up game... Michael michael I apologized for that. Dwight dwight [to Dwight] I vouched for you. Michael michael Michael, I... Dwight dwight I vouched for you in front of Todd Packer, Dwight. All right, here's what I'm going to do. The hand strikes and gives a flower. You are not going to play basketball. But I need somebody to come in and take over the holiday and weekend work calendar. Michael michael I can handle that. Dwight dwight Good. Excellent, it'll be fun. Because corporate, uh, wants someone to be here on Saturday. And so we're going to have to have some people come in on the weekend, and I know nobody's gonna want to do it and I know everybody's gonna complain and bitch and I don't want to have to deal with that. Michael michael And that's why you have an assistant regional manager. Dwight dwight Yes it is. Assistant to the regional manager. Michael michael [to camera] Same thing. Dwight dwight No, it's not. It's lower, so... Michael michael It's close. Dwight dwight So we need someone to work this Saturday and I think that, that should be...Jim. Dwight dwight God, this is so sad. This is the smallest amount of power I've ever seen go to someone's head. Phyllis, can you believe this? Jim jim Keep me out of it. Phyllis phyllis My fiance has plans for us this Saturday. So I really hope that Dwight doesn't make me work. Maybe I should sleep with him? I'm kidding, kidding. Totally kidding. Pam pam All right, managing by walking around. This is our warehouse. Or, as I like to call it, the whorehouse. But don't you call it that, I've earned the right. Michael michael Fine, don't worry about that. Ryan ryan And here we have "Mister Roger's Neighborhood." Come on over here. Hey, this is Ryan. He's temping upstairs. Michael michael What's up? Lonny lonny And this is the foreman. Mista Ra-jahs. Michael michael It's not my real name. Darryl darryl No, it's Darryl. Darryl is Mista Ra-jahs. Michael michael Darryl Rogers? Ryan ryan Darryl Philbin. Then Regis, then Rege, then Roger, then Mister Rogers. Darryl darryl [laughs] And that is Lonny. And this is Roy. Roy dates Pam. You know, the uh, the best looking one upstairs. Michael michael Yeah, yeah. Ryan ryan You still getting it regular man? Huh? I mean, I can tell her it's part of the job! Rapport! Michael michael [on the phone] No, no, I know that the warranty's expired, but isn't it supposed to last longer than two years if it isn't defective? OK, fine, three years. Pam pam Pam gets a little down. Her toaster oven broke. Um, which she got at her engagement shower. Um, for a wedding that still has yet to be set... and that was three years ago. Jim jim So, um, one o'clock sharp and we've got a game on. Michael michael We're loading at one. Darryl darryl Oh, I see, you're chickening out on me. You're bailing on me. Michael michael No, we got a truck going out at 1:15. So, that's the busy time. Darryl darryl Oh, well, I'm glad that some time is a busy time because whenever I'm down here it doesn't seem too busy to me. Oh, oh. You can dish it out, but you can't take it. OK, fine, have it your way. [clucking and dancing like a chicken] Michael michael All right, fine, you know what? One o'clock. Darryl darryl All right, see you at one. Michael michael Are we ready for the game? Michael michael [half-heartedly] Yeah. Everybody everybody I... yeah, yeah. I know, grumble, grumble. But you would follow me to the ends of the earth, grumbling all the way. Like that, uh, dwarf from Lord of the Rings. Michael michael Gimli. Dwight dwight Nerd. That is why you're not on the team. Michael michael Just trying to be helpful. Dwight dwight Uh, [in a nerdy voice] "I'll help, Elwyn Dragonslayer, uh, ten points, power sword." Michael michael That's him. Jim jim OK, so, let's put together a starting line-up, shall we? Stanley of course. Michael michael I'm sorry? Stanley stanley Um, what do you play? Center? Michael michael Why "of course"? Stanley stanley Uh... Michael michael What's that supposed to mean? Stanley stanley Uh, I don't know. I don't remember saying that. Michael michael Uh, I heard it. Jim jim Well, people hear a lot of things, man. Um... other starters... Me, of course. I heard it that time. Michael michael I'd like to play if it's just for fun. I played basketball in school. Phyllis phyllis [ignores Phyllis)] Um... Yeah. Who else? We have Jim. We have Ryan, the new guy, right? Untested. Willing to prove himself now. A lot of passion, a lot of heart. Michael michael But, I'm getting paid to skip lunch? Ryan ryan Yes. Michael michael OK. Ryan ryan Yes, this is business. The, uh, business of team building and morale boosting. Uh, who else? Michael michael I can help out, if you need me. Oscar oscar I will use your talents come baseball season, my friend. Or if we box. Michael michael I have a hoop in my driveway. Kevin kevin No. Michael michael I have a sports bra. Phyllis phyllis No, no, ridiculous. Michael michael Michael, look. [Dwight throws paper at the garbage can] Dwight dwight Missed it... Dwight dwight Close. All right, uh... Me, Stan the man, Jim, Ryan and Dwight. Michael michael Yes! Dwight dwight Sorry Phyllis. Michael michael Can I be team captain? Dwight dwight No, I'm team captain. Michael michael Can I be team manager? Dwight dwight No, I am the team manager. You can be assistant to the team manager. Michael michael Assistant team manager? Dwight dwight No. Michael michael OK, we'll see who's working this weekend then. Dwight dwight Jim, you're in charge of the vacation schedule now. Michael michael Oh my God. Jim jim Threat neutralized. Michael michael [hits Pam in the head with a piece of paper] Off the backboard! Michael michael Please don't throw garbage at me. Pam pam Oh, Pam with a zinger. Hey, Pam, how would you, like to be our cheerleader today? You know, some, ah, pigtails? A little, ah, halter top, you could tie that up. And you know, something a little, just, youthful, for a change. Just this once? Michael michael I don't think so Michael. Besides, I can't cheer against my fiance. Pam pam I'll do it. Wear a little flouncey skirt if you want, and... Jim jim Yeah, I bet you would. Just try not to be too gay on the court. And by gay I mean, um, you know, not in a homosexual way at all. I mean the uh, you know, like the bad-at-sports way. I think that goes without saying. Michael michael Maybe Angela would cheerlead. Pam pam Oh, yeah right. Michael michael I'll do it. Phyllis phyllis Oh, yuck, that's worse than you playing. ... 'Cause we need you as an alternate in case somebody gets hurt. That's where we need you. Blessed be those who sit and wait. You made it, suit up, you're on the team! All right, cool! Very good. Michael michael Oh-oh. Oh-oh. A spy from the warehouse. Trying to figure out our plays, huh, man? Michael michael Just getting a tea bag. Darryl darryl Oh ho, oh, he's running. He's running. He's running, but he can't hide because you know what? One o'clock, you better bring your 'A' game. Because me, and my, posse guys are gonna be in your face. Right in your face! Michael michael Why don't we make it more interesting? Loser buys dinner at Farley's. Darryl darryl Whoa-ho. I like the way you think. You know what, I'm gonna take that one step further. Loser, works, on Saturday. Michael michael No, that's not as much fun. You know what? Darryl darryl What? Michael michael You're on. Darryl darryl OK. Cool, you're on. [to Dwight] Don't screw this up. Michael michael [to camera] Classic beginner's mistake, eating before a game. Michael michael Has anyone seen the first-aid kit? [Dwight holds the kit up] How many times have I told you? I'm the safety officer, not you. Angela angela Basketball? It was kind of my thing in high school. And I'm, yeah, I'm looking forward to playing. You know, I think I'm gonna impress a few people in here. Jim jim You coming down? Jim jim Yeah, I'm just forwarding the phones. Pam pam You gonna wish me luck? Jim jim Yeah, you're gonna need it. Pam pam Whoa. Jim jim Is that trash talk from Pam? Jim jim [laughing] I'm just saying, Roy is very competitive. Pam pam Oh. Jim jim And he wants to take the WaveRunners to the lake this Saturday so... Pam pam Well, I'm going to the outlet mall on Saturday, so if you wanna save big on brand names and Roy has to work, which he will, because I'm also competitive, you should feel free to come along. Jim jim Um, I think I'm gonna be up at the lake. Pam pam I think I'll see you at the mall. Yeah. Jim jim Hey, there he is! Secret weapon! All right, guys, come on, let's bring it in! Here we go! OK, listen, this is just going to be a friendly game, right? We are all on the same team here, the Dunder Mifflin team. Of course, if you beat us, you're fired. That's a joke. OK, let's do it. Michael michael Have a good game man. Jim jim Yeah, you too. Should be fun. Roy roy All right, everybody stretch out a little bit. Stretch it. Full stretch. Ryan, you wanna stretch? Michael michael I stretched before I came. Ryan ryan OK. Michael michael OK, Ryan, you have Darryl. I have Roy. Michael michael Really? I thought I'd take Roy. Jim jim Actually, I think Roy is their best player not Lonny. So, Dwight, you uh, have the East German gal. Uh, who else we got... Um...OK, all right, you guys. Michael michael [taking off his shirt] OK, we'll be skins! Dwight dwight Aw, come on Dwight. Michael michael What? Shirts on or off? Dwight dwight On. Just put it on. Michael michael You sure? Dwight dwight Yes. Uh, Pam? You kind of have your foot in both camps, why don't you do the uh, jump ball OK? Michael michael Don't listen to him Pam. Trust me, tip it my way or you're sleeping in the car. Roy roy Stanley! What? You gotta be kidding me! !?! [Roy steals the ball, and goes for a lay up] Oh... Here we go! [Lonny shoots and makes it] Who's on him? Somebody get him! Michael michael Yeah! Teammates teammates That's what I'm talking about. Roy roy Yeah, yeah, yeah. Over here, over here. [Jim saves the ball from going out of bounds and passes to Michael] Here we go. Three! [Shoots and misses] Let's go to the zone! We're going to zone! Michael michael De-fense! [clap, clap] [Michael joins in] De-fense! [clap clap] Dwight dwight De-fense! De-fense! {Michael} and {Dwight} michael dwight [Roy scores] Well done team. Warehouse Worker warehouse-worker Who's got Roy? [Jim does a behind the back move around Roy for the basket] Michael michael Woo! Pam pam [misses a half court shot] Aw, come on! What is wrong with me today!? Usually hit those. [Dwight scores] Dwight, I was open. All right, let's go. Michael michael [Roy bumps Michael to get around him] OK, foul. Charging. Charging. That's a foul. Michael michael OK. Roy roy OK, I'll take it. [misses free throw] OK. Michael michael When I am playing hoops all of the stress and responsibility of my job here just melts away. It's gone, I'm in the zone. Michael michael [misses another shot] What is wrong with me today?! Michael michael Who am I? Am I Michael Scott? I don't know... I might just be a basketball machine. What's Dunder Mifflin? I've never heard of it. Filing? Paperwork? Who cares? Possible downsizing? Um... well, that's probably gonna happen, actually. Michael michael Jim! Jim! Jim, right here, Jim! Give me the ball! Ryan, cut! [Michael looks away and misses Jim's pass] Whoa! Michael michael My bad. Jim jim [scores] Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Darryl darryl [dancing] Where you at? Where you at? You over there? I'm over there. Lonny lonny That is cool. Is that like the Robot? Michael michael [Ryan scores] Nice! Come here! [gives Ryan a chest bump] Michael michael Can we just do one? That's cool, that's fine. Ryan ryan You have one more free throw shoot. Come on. Darryl darryl All right, let's go. Roy roy Watch your back Madge. Warehouse Worker warehouse-worker Hey! Come on man! Madge madge Come on! Hey, Dwight. Dwight! Michael michael [scores] Yeah! [points to Madge] In your face! Dwight dwight Yeah, like that counts. Madge madge You know what? Dwight, Dwight... Michael michael Football is like rock and roll, it's just bam-bam-boo... And basketball is like jazz, you know? You're kind of... Dupee-doo, dupee-do. It's all downbeat, it's in the pocket, it's like... [singing] Dupee-do, dupee-do, dapee-dah... Michael michael [singing] Du-du-du-du-dupee-do, de-do-do-do. Du-du-du-du-dupee-do, de-do-do-do. Harlem Globetrotter... Michael michael [steals the ball, scores, mimics singing] Du-du-du-du-dupee-do. Your ball. Roy roy All right, time, time out. Come on, sales, over here. Bring it in! Come on! Michael michael What's going on? What's going on? You're playing like a bunch of girls. Michael michael You know what? Let me take Roy. Jim jim All right, switch. Take it up a notch, come on. Michael michael Shoot, shoot it. [Roy hits Jim in the mouth with his elbow] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Foul! Naked aggression! Oh, that is... You all right Jim? Suck it up. Michael michael Block, block, block! Darryl darryl He's afraid of you now. Madge madge [Jim makes a shot after pushing off Roy] Ouch! Oh, how much does it hurt? How much does it hurt? Michael michael [Jim pushes Roy to the ground and makes another shot] Yes! Michael michael What the hell man? Roy roy Take it easy. Jim jim No, you take it easy. Roy roy [Darryl scores] Watch the long passes, you guys! Michael michael [Dwight steals the ball from Ryan] Same team, Dwight. Ryan ryan Dwight! Michael michael [scores] Yes! Dwight dwight [Phyllis scores] Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! In, your, face! Angela, what's the score? Michael michael You're ahead. Angela angela Yeah, baby, here we go! Michael michael [Jim has the ball] Jim! Jim! Right here! [runs into the elbow of the guy guarding him] Ow! God! Hold it! Michael michael I'm sorry. Worker worker Foul! Foul! Michael michael I'm sorry. You all right? Worker worker Oh, that hurts. Michael michael Sorry, I didn't mean to do that. Worker worker What's your problem man? Gah, just clocking me for no reason? Michael michael Take your shot man! Darryl darryl No, no, no, no. That was a flagrant, personal, intentional foul. Right there. Michael michael No it wasn't. Worker worker [mocking voice] Yes, it was. You know what, I'm just being fair. Michael michael Oh, really? No, I just put my arm up... Worker worker Game over. Game over. That is it! I'm sorry, you know? I hate to do it this way but, you know, that's just... we're having a friendly game. It's a shame. This is a damn shame, but we're like a family here and that just, that won't fly. Michael michael This is a cold pack... Angela angela Here, give me that. You have to break the interior bag. [bag explodes] Dwight dwight Thanks Dwight. Michael michael Wait, what does that mean? What is it, a tie? What's going on? Lonny lonny Well, let's just say whoever was ahead won. Michael michael That was you. Darryl darryl It was us? Really? I didn't, I didn't know. Great, I mean, I guess you guys are working Saturday. Your face. Michael michael No, no, no, I'm not coming in on Saturday. Roy roy Yeah, this isn't happening. Darryl darryl Um... well, you guys, you know, I'm the boss so... Michael michael So what's that? We're coming in on Monday, right? Lonny lonny Hey, hey... Michael michael Monday? Lonny lonny [laughing] You guys believed me? Come on. Dogs, you know, you should know me better than that. No, oh, do you think that would've been good for morale? No. No. No. Exactly, no. I'm embarrassed it was even that close though. So... nah, of course, we're coming in Saturday. Good game. Word. Michael michael [to Pam] ...so I talked to the scout, it looks good. Jim jim Mmm-hmm. Pam pam I didn't sign anything. Jim jim Hey baby. Roy roy Hey. Pam pam [to Jim] Look at Larry Bird. Larry Legend. Roy roy Yeah, he's, uh, pretty good, huh? [to Roy] Let's get you into a tub. Pam pam Yeah? Let's get you into a tub. Roy roy Hey, what a game, huh? What a game. Michael michael What time do we have to come in? Oscar oscar Come on. Let's not be gloomy here man. We're all in this together. We're a team. You know what? Screw corporate, nobody's coming in tomorrow. You have the day off. Like coming in an extra day is gonna prevent us from being downsized. Have a good weekend. Michael michael The great thing about sports is that it is all about character. And you can learn lessons about life even if you don't win. But we did because we were ahead. Michael michael [slams palms on desk] Pam, Pam, thank you ma'am. Messages, please. Thank you. Michael michael New pants? Pam pam Uh, yes. Thank you for noticing. Michael michael Abercrombie & Fitch? Pam pam Uh, they look that good? Wow. [Mike Myers voice] Oh, Pam please behave. Mike Myers, genius. Um, no actually I got them at a fancier place. Target. Michael michael Michael, could I talk to you for a second, please? Dwight dwight Uh... Michael michael In your office? [in Michael's office] You know that is why you have an assistant regional manager. Dwight dwight Yes, yes. Assistant to the regional manager. Michael michael [to camera] Same thing. Dwight dwight No, it's not. It's lower. Michael michael It's close. Dwight dwight What was that? Michael michael What? Dwight dwight That look? Michael michael What look? Dwight dwight Like trying to find the camera, to give the camera a look. Okay, we're done. Is that your stomach? I keep hearing somebody's stomach. [whispers] God. Michael michael So, you uh, see the Sixers game last night? Michael michael Yeah. Darryl darryl [howls like a wolf] Oww whoo whoo! The Answer was on fire! Michael michael Iverson. Yeah, always man. It's very important. Darryl darryl Oh, man! Man I tell ya. Iverson has maybe got me beat by like 20 pounds, 3 inches. [makes 'pop' noise with his mouth] Michael michael What? Iverson's not fat. Roy roy No, neither am I. We both look good. Michael michael Do I have a nickname on the court, um? Well, The Answer would be nice, but it's taken. So, uh, probably The Question. The Answer dishes to The Question. The Question back to The Answer. Answer over to The Question. The Answer, whew, [makes shooting motion] three points. The Question, whew, whew, [makes shooting motion] six points. Nothing but net. Question, who's the best player in the league? Answer, The Question. Or the Drunkmeister. Michael michael I can't work Saturday. Kevin kevin Please, have a seat. [Kevin sits down] Okay, why not? Dwight dwight I'm in a band. Kevin kevin Marching or garage? Dwight dwight It's a Steve Miller Tribute Band. Kevin kevin I tell you what. You give me a tape of your band and a tape of the Steve Miller Band and I'll get back to you. That is all. Dwight dwight [on the phone] Mello. Todd Packer todd-packer Packer. Pac-man. Michael michael Whoa. Hey. Todd Packer todd-packer Pac-man [imitating the noises of the video game Pac-man eating dots] Michael michael [on the phone] Is this Michael Scott? My secret lover. My intercom, I told you never to call me here. Never! [Michael's laughing] Todd Packer todd-packer I'm not your lover! I'm am not Michael Scott, I am Dr. Bergerstein. Your proctologist. Michael michael [on the phone] Bergerstein! Todd Packer todd-packer Ah, yes. Ah. [laughs] Michael michael [on the phone] Bergerstein! Todd Packer todd-packer It's not a Jewish joke, so don't worry. Michael michael [on the phone] I want my money back you greedy Hebrew. Bergerstein! Todd Packer todd-packer [clears throat] No, hey, hey , hey. You know what I just wanted to remind you about the game today. One 'o clock. Big game, big game. Michael michael [sounds sick on the phone] I can't make it. Todd Packer todd-packer Mmm. No, you said you could man. We're counting on ya. You know you're playing point guard. Michael michael [on the phone] I... I'm not coming. Todd Packer todd-packer No. Hey... I mean, although it's just for fun, you know we want... I was counting on you man. Michael michael [on the phone] Oh, God! Stop whining. You know, you only come to the pick up game once a year. You little bitch. [Michael picks up phone, takes it off speakerphone] All right, yup. Hey, okay. No problem, you know, best you can do. Hey, you know. Hey, nice talking to you too. All right take care. [sighs] Michael Scoot. That's funny. He's a good friend. Todd Packer todd-packer [eating Tootsie Rolls from Angela's candy on her desk] Mmm. Good. Mmm. Dwight dwight They're one per person. [points to sign "Please take one!!] Angela angela Would you like to have a vacation this year? That's what I thought. [continues eating Tootsie Rolls] Mmm, delicious. Dwight dwight Well, I though we were saving money for the wedding, but apparently Roy thought it was more important to buy two WaveRunners. I don't really ever get to use the other WaveRunner that's supposed to be mine because his brother uses it and they race. Pam pam Jim, you're the new schedule guy, huh? Dwight dwight I'm trying, yup. Jim jim Yeah, I hear that. You know what? This little baby might come in handy. Dwight dwight Great, thanks. Jim jim On one condition. You... Dwight dwight Forget it. It's just a dry erase board. Jim jim Oh, no it's not. Okay, check it out. Dwight dwight Okay, that's insanely complicated and the first thing I'm going to do is erase it. Jim jim No, you're not because I spent hours on it. Dwight dwight Well, then keep it. Jim jim Okay, I will. Okay, fine. You'll be back. Dwight dwight [misses a free throw badly] I... I think you can play. Like you could when you were a kid. I think you can never give up the play. Because if people stop playing, then they stop living. It's like a shark. If a shark stops playing he stops living. And sharks are very playful creatures. Michael michael [Dwight holds the first aid kit up] I'm the safety officer, not you. Angela angela Isn't that crazy? I'm a Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy. Lackawanna County says that it's okay for me to perform CPR, but for Michael my lips aren't qualified enough for his perfect little face. It's nuts. Dwight dwight Is that really necessary? Angela angela [wearing a face guard] I've almost had my nose broken a dozen times. Dwight dwight [back to the basketball game] Let's go Lonny. Warehouse Worker warehouse-worker [Michael steals the ball] Yeah, Michael. Go Michael. [makes shot] Jim jim Yes! Dwight dwight Birdie. He's not the guy with the cheeks. Kenny G. Is... if you knew jazz, you'd know who I mean. Kenny G. God. Glad I remembered that. Jazz people know who he is. Michael michael [back to the basketball game] Dwight, pass it to Jim! Pass it to Ryan! Michael michael Oh, my ankle! Stanley stanley Stanley, gotta play hurt. Michael michael Oh, actually no I don't Michael. Stanley stanley I just want you know, you've been a big disappointment to me today, okay. Michael michael [in pain] Oh. Go away. Stanley stanley I'm in. I'm in. Here we go. [Lonny gets around Michael to score and he ends up in front of Phyllis] Zone, Phyllis! We're playing zone! Michael michael [Kevin makes seven straight shots from the free throw line] None none [Michael hits a half court shot] Ah! [clapping] Everybody everybody Yes! Yes! All right. We got game! Michael michael