Ughh... Blech. Michael michael OK, where does it hurt? Dwight dwight Just... all over. I don't want to do anything... I'm dying... Michael michael No, that's not how it works. You have to point to a specific part of the body. Dwight dwight Right there. [Michael points to computer screen.] Michael michael [reading from screen] "Abdomen. Menses." Dwight dwight Maybe. Michael michael "The uterus contracts after your egg passes through it." Dwight dwight Not it. I don't have eggs. Michael michael About 40 times a year, Michael gets really sick, but has no symptoms. Dwight is always gravely concerned. Pam pam Oh, is it possible you ate food that contained animal waste? Dwight dwight That's possible. Michael michael Michael? Pam pam Uh-huh? Michael michael David Wallace is on line one. Pam pam The CFO? Ohh... Michael michael OK, everybody out. Out. Out. Out. OK. Michael michael To what do I owe this great honor, David Wallace? Michael michael [on phone] Michael, I am calling-- David Wallace david-wallace And Gromit. [David sighs] Jan? Is Jan there? Michael michael Jan is out of town right now. David Wallace david-wallace Oh, you sigh like Jan. I broke Jan's heart, David, and it was awful. It was... It was never my intention to ruin a life. But you know what? Sometimes... Michael michael Michael? David Wallace david-wallace ...you just gots to get your freak on. Michael michael Michael? David Wallace david-wallace Yeah. Michael michael Michael? David Wallace david-wallace Hmmm. Michael michael I am calling to see if you can come down and interview for a job we have opening in corporate. David Wallace david-wallace Really? Michael michael Week from today. Bring your first quarter stats and your recommendation for who would take over the Scranton Branch. David Wallace david-wallace Wow. I wish I had prepared something to say. Michael michael That's not necessary. David Wallace david-wallace May God guide you in your quest. Michael michael Yes. David Wallace david-wallace OK, everybody have their towels and swim suits? We have about an hour and half. I suggest that you all go potty now and then we will be congregating on the partay bus. Michael michael Oh I'm excited. Today is Beach Day! And Michael is taking the whole office to the beach. So I'm wearing my bathing suit underneath my shirt [lifts up shirt, definitely not wearing anything underneath] Oh, yeah... I packed it in my purse. Meredith meredith Oscar, you brought your Speedo, I assume? Michael michael I don't wear a Speedo, Michael. Oscar oscar Well, you can't swim in leather pants. [laughs] I'm just yankin' your chain. Not literally. Michael michael Anybody need sun block? Got SPF 30. Toby toby Oh, you know what? Uh, you're not going. Michael michael It's Beach Day... Toby toby Yeah, I know. I'm sorry, Toby. We... um... Somebody has to stay here. Michael michael I want today to be a beautiful memory... that the staff and I share after I have passed on to New York. And if Toby is a part of it... then it'll suck. Michael michael Hey, want my sun screen? Toby toby Oh, great. I forgot mine and I'm wearing a two piece. Pam pam Uh-huh. Toby toby Thanks Toby. Pam pam Hey Pam, I have a very important job for you Michael michael I thought we were just having fun at the beach. Pam pam We are. We are. But, I would like you to take notes. And I want you to find out about people's character. Not their hotness, per se, but their humor, and their charisma, and the indefinable quality that makes you all glad to follow me. Michael michael What happens to a company if somebody takes their boss away? I will answer your question with a question. It's like what happens to a chicken when you take its head away. It dies. Unless you find a new head. I need to see which one of these people have the skills to be a chicken head. Michael michael You want me to write down people's indefinable qualities? Pam pam I want you to write down everything that people are doing all day. And then type it up, in a way that is helpful. Alright? Michael michael I have the most boring job in the office, so... why wouldn't I have the most boring job on beach day? Pam pam This way to the partay bus. Michael michael I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That's all I've ever wanted. Kevin kevin [singing] [Angela mouthing the words next to him] And the night got deathly quiet, and his face lost all expression. Said, "If you're gonna play the game, boy, ya gotta learn to play it right." [rest of office joins in at varying times] You got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em, Know when to walk away and know when to run. You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table. There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done. Kevin kevin Everybody, may I have you attention please? Today, we are not just spending a day at the beach. Michael michael Oh, sweet mother of God. Stanley stanley If you don't like it, Stanley, you can go to the back of the bus. Michael michael Excuse me? Stanley stanley Or the front of the bus. Or drive the bus. Just, we are all participating in mandatory fun activities. Funtivities! And there is a special secret prize for the winner! Michael michael Yes! Funtivities! I knew it wasn't just a trip to the beach. Dwight dwight Okay, you know what? Your enthusiasm's turning people off. Michael michael I hope there will be management parables. Dwight dwight Well, [whispering] Hey Pam, did you get that down? Michael michael Like what? Pam pam Like everything I said and everything they did and... Just don't... Michael michael Well... no, I don't... exactly... what? Pam pam Well write it down before you forget it. That's... You've just been drawing pictures. [sighs] Rrrr. I can't stay mad at you. Michael michael Here we are ladies and gentlemen. Everybody ready? Last one down is a rotten egg. [Gets off bus] Watch out for snakes! Michael michael Everyone put on sunscreen. Angela angela Alright, find a cozy spot. Everybody settle in. [everybody sits down on beach] OK, everybody up! Circle 'round. [motions for circle to form] Let us play some games. We are situated on the northeast corner of scenic Lake Scranton. America's eighth largest indigenous body of water. It is here that a group of Americans will undergo the ultimate challenge. One day, 14 strangers who work together, but only one survivor. Michael michael What? Oscar oscar Just words. Inspiring words. [under breath] Not a contender. [out loud] For the competitions, you will be divided into four tribes. Each tribe will have a leader that I will pick randomly off the top of my head without thinking. Jim, Dwight, Andy and Stanley. Michael michael Yes! Dwight dwight Choose your tribes. Except for Pam. Not Pam. Michael michael Jim Halpert. Pros: smart, cool, good-looking. Remind you of anybody you know? Cons: not a hard worker. I can spend all day on a project, and he will finish the same project in a half an hour. So that should tell you something. Michael michael I choose Michael! Dwight dwight I'm not playing. Michael michael OK, temp. Dwight dwight Dwight is an obvious candidate for my job. He has the best sales record in the office. He loves the work. He is, however, an idiot. Michael michael We are going to choose team names. Dwight? Michael michael We will be called Gryffindor. Dwight dwight Really? Not Slytherin? Jim jim Slytherin are the bad guys, Jim. Dwight dwight I know. Okay, we will be Voldemort. Jim jim He-who-must-not-be-named? I wouldn't do that. Dwight dwight [starts chanting] Vol-de-mort, Vol-de-mort ...[Kevin and Karen follow] Vol-de-mort! Vol-de-mort! Vol-de-mort! Jim jim OK, seriously. You really shouldn't be saying that. Dwight dwight Hey, hey, hey. Ok, Ok... Stanley, your team name? Michael michael I don't care what you call my team. Stanley stanley Then I will name your team the Red team. Michael michael No [crosses arms], the blue team. Stanley stanley I am also considering Stanley because of all the good that black people have done. For America. Michael michael We will be team U.S.A. Andy andy Very good. Pam, please take a note that Andy is patriotic. Michael michael Andy Bernard. Pros: He's classy. He gets me. He went to Cornell. I trust him. Cons: I don't really trust him. Michael michael It is time for the great spoon and egg race. This one is with a little twist. Michael michael There's already a twist, you're carrying an egg on a spoon. Stanley stanley Shh... The person carrying the egg will be blindfolded. Please put on your blindfolds. That person carrying the egg will go down, circle a torch, come back, deposit their egg in the pail. First team back is the winner. Alright. Ready? Set. Go! [contestants start walking] Michael michael Come on Phyllis, you can do it. [Phyllis' egg falls off spoon] Ahh... Oscar oscar Thank you so much. [Stanley sits down and pulls out his crossword puzzle] Stanley stanley Phyllis is out. Yes! [to Kelly] Follow my voice. Follow my voice. Yeah, keep it moving. Keep it moving. Right this way. Looking good. [Cheers] Andy andy I don't want to hit the big rock! Kelly kelly Don't worry. You're not... Andy andy I know I'm near the big rock. I just know it. Kelly kelly No where near the big rock. Andy andy [takes off blindfold] I just don't want to get hit by it... Kelly kelly What're you doing? No! See, now we're disqualified. Andy andy I am okay if I lose every single contest today. Honestly. Because I see these contests as an opportunity for me to demonstrate what a good sport I am. Mallard! [throws a stone] Andy andy [to Karen] Woah, stop, stop, stop. There's a hole. Step over the hole. Jim jim Hole? Karen karen Yup. [Karen takes a big step] Perfect, oooh, just made it. OK, turn left. Jim jim [to Ryan] Come on! Come on! Andale! Arriba! Arriba! Dwight dwight Can you just stop this right now, or I'm not gonna do this anymore. Ryan ryan What are you saying? Dwight dwight You have to stop yelling at me or I'm not gonna do the egg race. Ryan ryan OK, I apologize for yelling at you. Dwight dwight That's what being a good captain is about. It's about listening to the members of your team. Ryan ryan I am trying to bring team spirit. Dwight dwight [to Karen] Woah, stop, another hole. Take a big step. [Karen steps into lake] Yes! Jim jim [lifts up blindfold] Oh my God! You ass! [chases Jim and throws egg at him] [both laugh] Karen karen There's nothing better than a beautiful day at the beach, filled with sun, surf, and uh... diligent note-taking. [holds up notes] Pam pam [off screen] Pam...you're missing things. [shakes off hand and starts writing in notebook] Michael michael [at Ryan holding egg in spoon] Let's go! Let's go! Come on! Mush! Mush! Come on you bastard! [Ryan takes off blindfold and throws it to ground along with egg and spoon] What the? Damn it temp! Dwight dwight [begins to clap] Great job everyone, that was fantastic. [Michael sighs] Andy andy Okay Pam, I have another little project for you. Michael michael Does it have to do with these shopping bags filled with hot dogs? Pam pam Smart as a whip! Yes! [holds up hot dog packages] These are pre-cooked, so it's not absolutely necessary, but I would appreciate it if you could heat up 800 hot dogs for a little contest I'm going to be having. I would greatly appreciate it. Michael michael When's the contest? Pam pam Like umm...[looks at watch] ten minutes? Michael michael How am I supposed to... get... Pam pam Thanks a bunch. Michael michael A good manager has got to be hungry. Hungry for success. Michael michael OK, who's hungry [Kevin starts to put hot dog in mouth] No, no, no. Do not touch the food. Please. Not yet. That is our next event. A hot dog eating contest. [sighs at the table] For those of you who are curious, the world record is 54 and one half hot dogs. Wow! And you know what? I personally have cooked up enough so each and every one of you could break that record. So shoot for the stars, OK? Alright, the team that eats the most hot dogs in ten minutes will be declared the winner. On you mark. Get set. Michael michael Can I have a turkey burger? Kelly kelly No, I have the only one. I claimed it. Ready? Michael michael Turkey is a healthy meat. Oscar oscar It's very good for you. [overlapping talk from all at table] Dwight dwight Guys, guys, guys. Come on! Pleeeeease... Let's just... OK, it's very important that you all try to eat as many hot dogs as you can. On your mark. Get set. Eat! Michael michael Is there any mustard? Phyllis phyllis No mustard, no mustard. Just eat it, eat it, Phyllis. Dip it in the water so it'll slide down your gullet more easily. Michael michael Come on, the winner gets a big, big prize. Michael michael [eating hot dog] What is it? Meredith meredith I can't say. Michael michael You can't say, or you can't pronounce it? Jim jim The winner gets a regional manager's salary for a year, and a Sebring, and the feeling that they are making a difference in the world. Michael michael Can we just take those first two things? Kelly kelly The winner of today gets my job. Ok? I'm interviewing for a job at corporate. And they're only interviewing a handful of people and I'm the most qualified and I'll probably get it. Alright? Michael michael You're leaving? Dwight dwight I didn't want to tell anyway. I didn't want to cast a pall over our fun beach day. But you know what? I don't know who to recommend because frankly nobody is stepping up. Michael michael [slams fist onto table] I am so hungry! [starts eating hot dog real fast] Andy andy Do you expect me to believe that you're truly making your recommendations on this basis? Stanley stanley [points at Stanley] Word. [Stanley starts eating hot dog] There we go. Let's see it. Michael michael I would rather work for an upturned broom with a bucket for a head than work for somebody else in this office besides myself. Game on! Stanley stanley Four. Three. Two. One. Stop your eating! And the winner is Andy Bernard, with 14 hot dogs! Michael michael Team U.S.A.! Kelly kelly One came up. Andy andy 13 hot dogs, everybody! Michael michael Damn it! Dwight dwight [holding a fish with all the meat stripped off] Nobody told me we were going to have hot dogs! Creed creed Sabotage. Dwight dwight What? What are you saying? Did you say sandwich? Angela angela No. I was saying that before. Not now. Now I am saying sabotage. The ancient Dutch art of screwing up your own team. Dwight dwight I knew you were saying sabotage. I was giving you an example of it. I will misunderstand everything that Andy says until he goes insane. Angela angela If Michael organizes some kind of group hug, stand next to me. Dwight dwight It's very simple. There are only three rules. You must not touch the ground. You must not step outside of the ring. And you must always wear the safety mittens. Michael michael Uh, we don't have any safety mittens Stanley stanley Probably left them in the trunk of my car. It's alright. It's alright. Here we go. Michael michael Get 'em big boy! Karen karen Aaaaaand, go! Michael michael C'mon, Jim! Karen karen [growly noises, Jim looks terrified] Stanley stanley What are you doing? Jim jim Nice, Stanley! Michael michael [to Jim] Sorry about that. It's all about taking points away from Dwight. Stanley stanley Yeah. No. Good. Jim jim Oh, my God. I have never seen that look in a man's eyes... ever. I thought that I might die. On beach day. Jim jim If either of these guys are put in charge of the office I will transfer to Albany. Gil can come if he wants. I'm kinda looking for a way out of that relationship anyway. I think I might try girls for a while. Angela thinks I can cross over. We'll see. Oscar oscar [Andy and Dwight sumo wrestle] Gaaaaa.... Dwight dwight One. Two. Three. Michael michael Yaaaaa! Yaaaaa! Dwight dwight Excellent! Michael michael Gryffindor! Gryffindor! Dwight dwight I didn't win. But the only reason I didn't win is because I recently learned that it's better to work thing out with words. Andy andy That's not why you lost. Dwight dwight Yeah it is. I totally could have kicked your butt so bad. Andy andy Yeah, right. Dwight dwight Yeah, right, c'mon! C'mon! [Dwight and Andy wrestle] Andy andy [bouncing off of Andy] Aaaagh! Uggggh! How do you like that? Dwight dwight [Trying to wet bandana, falls in water] Oh, God! Waaa! Guhh! Wuuuh! Help! Angela! Angela, hey! Oh, thank God! Please tell somebody! Andy andy What, Andy? Andy, what should I tell them? Angela angela Go tell them I'm floating away, obviously! Andy andy I don't understand what you want from me. Angela angela Angela, it's pretty simple! Look at what I'm doing and go tell somebody about it! Andy andy Sorry! Bye, Andy! Angela angela Angela! Andy andy I knew that finding a successor would be difficult. I did not know that it would be impossible. Thus far the candidates have been wildly disappointing. Uh, Jim is not taking it seriously. Uh, Stanley is having a stroke. And Andy, where is he? Where the hell is Andy? Where is he, Pam? Do you know? Ah... who's ahead in points? Michael michael I think they're even. At various times you gave Jim ten points, Dwight a gold star, and Stanley a thumbs up. And I don't really know how to compare those units. Pam pam Check to see if there is a conversion chart in that notebook. Michael michael I really doubt it, Michael. Pam pam Please just check. Michael michael [on cell phone] Great. Yeah, I'll see you next week. Thank you, and here is Karen Filipelli. Bye. Jim jim Hello? Yeah, hi David. Yes, I would like to be considered for the corporate position in well. Karen karen In well? Jim jim As well. Karen karen How would that work in well? I just want to know. Jim jim Yes. uh, huh. Karen karen Wait a minute. Jim jim That would be fine. Karen karen If this job is in a well, I don't want it. Jim jim [whispering] Cut it out! Karen karen I don't! Jim jim What does a great manager need most of all? Courage. Michael michael How so? I mean... sure thing, that sounds smart... I can't do this anymore! I'm goin' to sit in the bus. Stanley stanley Your loss, Stanley. Meanwhile the rest of us will have a super fun time defeating our fear and creating a lasting memory. Walking through FIRE! Michael michael Who among you has the guts to replace me? Let him walk across these coals. Michael michael Are you going to try it? Kevin kevin I'm not going to talk through the fire after your disgusting feet have gone through. Angela angela Angela, it is a million degrees. Kevin kevin I'm gonna do it. And I fully expect to burn my feet and go to the hospital. That's the right spirit when doing a coal walk, right? Pam pam No. No, not you, Pam. You have to keep score. Michael michael I'd like to try it. Pam pam Pointless. Michael michael But I'm not kidding. I really want to do it. Pam pam Blah, blah, blee blup, blup, okay? This is about guts. It takes guts to be a regional manager. Jim, you're up. Michael michael Nope. Jim jim Ji.. why not? C'mon. Michael michael Oh, 'cause I don't want my feet to get burned. Jim jim You do not have what it takes to be a regional manager. Michael michael That's harsh. Jim jim Who's next? Andy? Where's Andy? Andy is never here today. Michael michael [lying in water, car lights light up his location] Hello? Who's there? My name is Andrew Bernard, I was with a group called Dunder Mifflin. Hello? Andy andy Why don't you go Michael? Kevin kevin Because I already did. Remember? I burned my foot on a George Foreman grill. Michael michael And that is not the same at all. If you're going to ask other people to do it, you should do it yourself. Jim jim Alright. Okay. Alright. Fine. 'kay. [clears throat, breathes noisily] The mind has to wrap around the foot. [exhales] Okay. Michael michael Do you want us to count to three? Pam pam Yes. Count to three, please. Michael michael Three. Two. One. Group group Count the other way. Count... no, no, count one, two, three, not three, two, one. Michael michael One. Two. Three! Go! Do it! Go, Michael. Group group Wait! Am I going on go? Or am I going on three? Michael michael On the go that's after three. Creed creed Okay. Michael michael One, two, three, go! Group group No! It's okay. I will do this Michael. Dwight dwight Don't, don't. Michael michael [walking on coals] I will walk and stand on these coals until you award me the position of regional manager! Dwight dwight Wow. Go, Dwight. Keep moving. Group group [standing still, on the coals] GIVE ME THE JOB! GIVE ME THE JOB! Dwight dwight I'm not going to give it to you. Michael michael [falling on his knees, then on all fours] Aaagh, aaagh! Dwight dwight [yelling excitedly for Dwight to get off the coals] Group group Michael, do something! Pam pam Aggggh, that stings! Dwight dwight Being the boss is also about image. I've never looked like that. That was gross. I just, I don't see the connection between a firewalk and management. Worst seventy-five bucks I ever spent. You know what, if I had to pick my replacement based on today, it would be Mr. "Outside Hire." Michael michael Or Mrs. "Outside Hire." Angela angela Yeah. Ummm, hmm... True. Look, I don't want to leave this branch that I love to an outside hire therefore we are going to have a one hundred point winner take all sudden death tribal council round. To test the aspect of my job that I think is the most important, something I call the Bob Hope factor. Michael michael Who's Bob Hope? Kelly kelly God! He's a comedian. Michael michael Oh, like Amanda Bynes. Kelly kelly Who's Amanda Bynes? Michael michael She's from "What a Girl Wants." Kelly kelly Oh, I love that movie. Yes, Kelly is right, the person to replace me has to have a great sense of humor and they have to possess the leadership qualities of a Bynes or a Hope. So without further ado, Jim and Dwight show us what you got. Michael michael Hey, I know what you're looking for, but um, I got to be honest, I really don't think I should be considered as your replacement. Jim jim You are being too modest. Michael michael Michael, on Thursday I'm going to drive down and interview with David for the open position in New York. Jim jim Hhhh... okay. That is not funny. I am deducting sixty points from Voldemort for false pretenses. Okay, Dwight your turn. Wow us. Michael michael The Aristocrats. A man and his wife and his children go into the offices of a talent agency. And the talent agent says, "Describe your act." And the man says something really, really raunchy and the talent representative says, "What do you call yourselves?" And the man says, "The Aristocrats!" Dwight dwight [breathes deeply and runs across coals] Oooh, uh hah, ooh! Wha-hoo! Ahhhh... Pam pam [finishes story] I mean truly repulsive acts. Dwight dwight That is a very, very funny story. Michael michael [runs over after walking over fire coals] Hey! I want to say something. I've been trying to be more honest lately and I just need to say a few things. I did the coal walk! Just, I did it! Michael, you couldn't even do that. Maybe I should be your boss? Wow, I feel really good right now. Why didn't any of you come to my art show? I invited all of you. That really sucked. It's like sometimes some of you act like I don't even exist. [turns and looks directly at Jim] Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And now we're not even friends. And things are just like weird between us, and that sucks. And I miss you. You were my best friend before you went to Stamford, and I really miss you. I shouldn't have been with Roy. And there were a lot of reasons to call off my wedding. But the truth is, I didn't care about any of those reasons until I met you. And now you're with someone else. And that's... fine. It's... whatever. That's not what... I'm not... Okay, my feet really hurt. The thing that I'm just trying to say to you, Jim... and to everyone else in this circle I guess, is that I miss having fun with you. Just you, not everyone in the circle. Okay, I am going to go walk in the water now. Yeah. It's a good day. Pam pam Pam, that was amazing. But I am still looking for someone with a sales background. Michael michael Flintstones, meet the Flintstones. They're a modern stone-age family. Ba-ba-da-da-da. From the town of Bedrock, they're a page right out of history. Ba-da-da-da-da. [overlapping singing of the wrong verses] When you're with the Flintstones, have a yabba-dabba-doo time, a dabba-doo time, we'll have a gay old time! Group group WWWWIIIILLLLMMMMAAAA! Michael michael Nice! Andy andy So we have about an hour and a half. I suggest that you all go potty now and then we will be congregating on the party bus. Fun on wheels. Only way to travel. Besides a monorail. Michael michael Well, Bob was going to just drive me. Phyllis phyllis No. No, no, no. No guests today. Classic gang only. Just us good friends, and Karen and Andy. Michael michael Sometimes Michael gets nostalgic and he talks about the classic gang. That's Michael, me, Jim, Dwight, Angela, Kevin, Oscar, Stanley, Phyllis, Creed, Meredith, Kelly and Ryan. We're a regular Ocean's Eleven. Pam pam Jim, David Wallace is calling for you. Pam pam Oh, okay. Hello. Hey, David. Sure. Jim jim Pam, you broke up with your boyfriend and then kept working together. How did that work out? Michael michael You remember you fired Roy for attacking Jim and I don't talk to him anymore really. Pam pam Acrimonious. Michael michael This way to the party bus. Good. Michael michael [Sign says 'No Alcohol, No Loud Talking'] Um, What the hell? Meredith meredith It's a bus that takes you to a party. Here we go. Michael michael Um, I forgot my... Meredith meredith Here we go. Come on. Okay, everybody here? Michael michael Yeah! All all Then, Mr. Driver, we are off like a herd of turtles! Johnny Carson. [Meredith runs to catch up to bus with her large drink cup] Michael michael Seat belts fastened, folks. Safety first. Hey what is all this? Dwight dwight Nothing. Michael michael If I guess, will you tell me? Dwight dwight No. Michael michael Please? Dwight dwight No! Michael michael Is that a sumo suit? Dwight dwight No. Michael michael I know, we're putting on a play for Japanese investors. Dwight dwight No, we are not. Michael michael Please tell me. I've been so good... Dwight dwight You are really annoying me. If you don't knock it off... Michael michael Please. Dwight dwight ...I'm never gonna tell you anything ever again. Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Michael michael Please. Dwight dwight Can we please pull over at the next rest stop? Meredith meredith No. We're only 10 minutes from the lake. Michael michael Pull over! Pull over! [Meredith uses a bush while all the other passengers look the other way, except Creed] Meredith meredith Yes, I am choosing my apprentice. Which is why I have modeled all my games after Survivor. Michael michael Any questions? Michael michael Just one. Jim jim Yup. Michael michael The torches are lit. Jim jim Yes, for dramatic affect. Michael michael No, Michael, people are blindfolded. That's a hazard. Jim jim Very good, Jim. Pam, please note that Jim is very astute. All right, are we ready? Michael michael Are you not gonna put out the torches? Jim jim Set! Michael michael Okay. Jim jim Go! Michael michael I think Jim would be a good boss. Plus he's eye candy. It's OK, Bob... Vance knows he's on my list. Um, George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, Jim, and that British guy that got in trouble with a prostitute. Phyllis phyllis It is an honor just to be considered for Michael's job. Honestly. And if I win it, then I will be ordering a pretty sizeable Most Improved Player plaque to put over the hole I punched in the wall. Andy andy [sighs] Okay. Pam, who came out best in the race, in your opinion? Michael michael Um, Karen left her blindfold on the longest but she also threw her egg at Jim. Pam pam Because he wasn't following the rules. Michael michael I think they were just having fun. Pam pam But they didn't complete their task, Pam! If people can't carry an egg in a spoon, blindfolded, then what does that tell you about how they will be able to manage a sales report, or conduct a business call? Michael michael It tells me nothing. Pam pam Exactly. Are you sure you're doing that right? Taking an awfully long time. Michael michael There's 800 of them! Pam pam Okay, all right. Michael michael It's very important that you all try to eat as many hotdogs as you can... Michael michael Hotdogs are really unhealthy. Meredith meredith Son of a bitch. God! Okay. All right you know what? Here we go. On your mark! Get set! Michael michael Is there any mustard? Phyllis phyllis No mustard! No mustard! Just... eat it. Eat it, Phyllis. Dip it in the water so it will slide down your gullet more easily. Michael michael That's what she said! Everyone everyone No, no, no, no, not that-- just... come on, you guys, let's do it! I'm serious. Who's got the hungry? Michael michael I do! Dwight dwight Who's got the hungry? Michael michael I do! Dwight dwight Come on, Ryan... Michael michael Let's go. Dwight dwight Ryan, I want to see you with a hot dog in your mouth. Right now. Michael michael Karen and I are having our own contest to see who can eat the most normal amount of tuna salad in an unspecified but very cofortable amount of time. I don't know what to tell you. Right now? Dead heat. Jim jim Keep eating tuna, Big Tuna. Loser! Andy andy He's gonna throw up. Jim jim [Dwight and Stanley are in sumo suits] Ready! Go! Michael michael The guy who sits behind me and the guy who sits across from me are fighting to see who becomes my boss. [laughs] Phyllis phyllis [Dwight knocks Stanley down] Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Eat sand, you fat, old man! Dwight dwight Oh, I'm out of it. Let's face it, the hot dog-eating contest was my best shot. Kevin kevin Michael, since Andy isn't here, maybe I could be the team captain. Ryan ryan You? You haven't made a sale. Michael michael I know, but I'd like to give this a try. Ryan ryan Don't try to flirt your way into this. Sometimes you really creep me out. Michael michael [in sumo suit, waves down a car, which swerves around him, runs after it, waving his arms] Wait! [throws sumo hair-hat at the retreating car] Andy andy Andy Bernard is in first place with four hot dogs! Dwight Schrute is a close second with three and a half! Here comes Stanley! Here comes Stanley, with three hot dogs! Michael michael This is an inflatable sumo suit. [blows] Now, in the olden days, when they wanted to find a guy who could be king, they would have him pull a sword out of a stone. Well, times have changed. [blows] And it's not even about who is the best sumo wrestler. It's about who is the best boss. And I don't even care who wins. [blows] It's how they wrestle in a blow-up suit... [breathes in] that will tell me all I need to know [blows] or how sumo... [collapses] Michael michael