Kahlua Sombrero, please. Michael michael All right, so just you tonight? Waiter waiter Actually, I am meeting somebody, but I'm a little bit early. Leaving my company. After 19 years. Michael michael I'll drink to that. I'm starting at a company this week. DeAngelo deangelo Oh, really? Michael michael To begginings and endings. DeAngelo deangelo And to middles, the unsung heroes. And to moms. Michael michael The moms and the troops. DeAngelo deangelo Do not tell my fiance I'm drinking on a Wednesday. Michael michael [laughs] I won't... I don't know her. DeAngelo deangelo I'm moving out to the burbs... actually, I'm moving further than the burbs, I'm moving to Colorado. Michael michael Colorado! The sunshine state. DeAngelo deangelo Yep. Don't mess with Colorado. Michael michael Doing some skiing? DeAngelo deangelo No, no. I don't want to end up like Sunny Bobo. Michael michael Well that's just good sense right there. Everyone I know who skis is dead. DeAngelo deangelo You know, I would like to try the luge, through. Michael michael Try it once, you're hooked. That's my guess. DeAngelo deangelo That's what I've heard. Michael michael I'm an olympics nut. DeAngelo deangelo Oh yeah? Me too. Summer or winter? Michael michael [in unison] Summer! {Deangelo}/{Michael} deangelo michael [holds out fist] Knuckles! Actually, I gotta come around and give you... DeAngelo deangelo You know, it's funny, I tried to get an animal olympics going. DeAngelo deangelo Really? What happened? Michael michael You know, life happened. What are you gonna miss most about Scranton? DeAngelo deangelo Oh... wow. The mountains. Where things are. Michael michael That's the way it goes. DeAngelo deangelo Man, he is late. I'm gonna call him. Do you mind? I'm sorry. [calls Deangelo, Deangelo's phone vibrates] Michael michael Excuse me. Hello? You running late? DeAngelo deangelo No, I'm here. I'm right... I'm at the bar. Michael michael I'm at the bar too. DeAngelo deangelo You are? What bar? Michael michael I'm at the bar. The bar that's located in the lobby of the hotel. DeAngelo deangelo I... do not see you. Michael michael How long have you... DeAngelo deangelo I'm been here about... gosh, over half an hour. Michael michael Ok, me too. DeAngelo deangelo [looking up from phones in unison] Sorry... {Deangelo}/{Michael} deangelo michael What're you wearing? Michael michael I am wearing a grey suit, red tie. DeAngelo deangelo Are we both at the right place? Michael michael Which place? DeAngelo deangelo I hear your voice. Michael michael I hear your voice, I see your lips moving. DeAngelo deangelo I see your voice in the phone. Oh, man! [holds out hand] Michael Scott. Michael michael Deangelo Vickers. DeAngelo deangelo Wow... that is insane! [laughter] Michael michael That is insane, that is the right term. Let's get some Vodka up in this cranberry, and one for my friend. DeAngelo deangelo [entering Dunder Mifflin offices] Here we go! Are you ready? Michael michael I am ready. DeAngelo deangelo Alright! Here we go! Michael michael This is it. What do you think? Michael michael Oh, she'll do. She'll do just fine. DeAngelo deangelo I am very much looking forward to tommorow. It feels like the culmanation of a lot of hard work, a lot of good fortune... DeAngelo deangelo [pops up from below camera, and runs out of room] Michael michael Did that? Did that just happen?! [runs after Michael] We should.. we should write a movie or something! I'm serious! DeAngelo deangelo Michael is leaving. And apparently they've already hired a new manager. And we're meeting him today. It's a lot to process. Paperwork wise. Oscar oscar [wearing wig] Nope! It's not Ashton Kutcher. It's Kevin Malone! Equally handsome, equally smart! [winks] Kevin kevin Ok, everyone, as you know, one of my favorite things is fanfare for it's own sake. So, without further ado, let's start clapping! Presenting Deangelo Vickers! Michael michael [blinds roll down, Deangelo waving] DeAngelo deangelo Come on out! Michael michael Hello! [opens door] How are you sir? DeAngelo deangelo I am well, sir, how are you? Michael michael Can I just say, I am so excited to be working here. Little bit about myself, I love the American Southwest, for starters. You may call them Arizona, New Mexico, Nevada, Utah, I call them heaven. I have a peanut allergy, something I live with, it's a part of me. I've learned to cope with it. What else, I'm just as comfortable at the ball game as I am at the opera. I was a- DeAngelo deangelo Did I want to be made manager? Sure. A great opportunity squandered? Absolutely. A crushing blow? Yes. Will I get over it? No. But life goes on. Not for me. Dwight dwight [drops papers as Deangelo walks by] I'll get that you guys. Don't... it's just... you know... Kelly kelly [picks up paper] I'll help you. DeAngelo deangelo Oh, hi! [obviously flirting body language] Kelly kelly Hello! DeAngelo deangelo Have we met before? Kelly kelly No, not officially, actually, I saw you walking out of the bathroom before. DeAngelo deangelo Well, I guess I'll go back to my cave. It was really great meeting you. Kelly kelly [offers Kelly the papers as she walks away] DeAngelo deangelo And that is what you call a meet cute. Kelly kelly And we talk for like 20 minutes, no clue it's Deangelo the whole time! Michael michael Kind of embarassing. Darryl darryl Yeah, that story makes you sound stupid. Angela angela I happen to like the hilarious hijinx I get myself into. There he is! Deangelo, I was just telling them about last night, when we met. Remember that? That was crazy! Michael michael Oh. [chuckles] That was... let's see, where's my replacement? Where's the guy I'm replacing? Why don't I look to the left? He's sitting right there! [office laughs] DeAngelo deangelo Oh yeah... I know... that's what I was just saying... that's what... Michael michael [silences Michael] DeAngelo deangelo That exact situation is why I always carry around some of these. [holds up 'Hello, my name is..,'] nametags. Just in case. Because sometimes you just need to I.D. yourself. Andy andy [laughs] Office funny guy! Always glad to have an office funny guy around! DeAngelo deangelo I wasn't even trying to make a joke. But I guess I've always been sorta quirky, offbeat, a little twisted. Andy andy This is Jim and Pam, aka Jap. What started as an affair has blossomed into a family before our eyes. Michael michael Well, it wasn't an affair. Pam pam Yes it was. Michael michael But, no, but we are a family. Pam pam [points to picture of Cecelia] We made that. Jim jim Cecelia. Pam pam Well, congratulations. I have four kids of my own. DeAngelo deangelo Really? Oh, my gosh! We just have the one, but she poops for four. [laughs] Pam pam Uh oh. Someone started off on the right foot with the new boss! Pam pam Yeah, they don't ever talk about careers that were made because of unplanned pregnancies. Jim jim Thanks for meeting me. Dwight dwight Are you kidding? I'd come anywhere to see a turtle? Where'd you find him. Michael michael There's no turtle, Michael. I just wanted to get you here. Dwight dwight You know me very well, Dwight. Michael michael That's because I'm your right-hand man, Michael, but I can't do it again. I can't do it again for a whole new guy. Dwight dwight Now I'm gonna have to go online and look at turtles or I'll be off all day. Michael michael I want to be manager. I just don't understand why I wasn't even interviewed for the job. What's wrong? I was totally qualified, you were pushing for me. Dwight dwight That apple looks delic! Meredith meredith I do a lot of portion control. I try to keep my daily calor intake under 1200. [laughter] DeAngelo deangelo Deangelo, you're going to starve to death. [laughter] Stanley stanley So you decided to have an orgy and not invite me? I call the middle! Michael michael It's cool that you like the southwest. It's one of my favorite regions. Darryl darryl It's one of my favorite regions? Did I just sound totally lame? No, I sounded good. Darryl darryl I love the desert. It's one of my favorite ecosystems. Darryl darryl Here's the great thing about the southwest; there's so much more than desert. Along the north rim of the Grand Canyon is a forest as lush as you've ever seen. DeAngelo deangelo Burnt! It's lush, dummie. Hey, Deangelo, what do you think of bald people? I hate them. Kevin kevin Deangelo, I forget, did you mention you like politics? Angela angela I did not. DeAngelo deangelo Cause I was thinking that you should meet my boyfriend, he's a state senator. I really think the two of you would hit it off. He's a great person to know. Angela angela Sounds very interesting, thank you. DeAngelo deangelo Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin. Ok, let me transfer you. Erin erin Why do you use your name when you use the phone? DeAngelo deangelo Oh, that's how Pam does it. I just copy her. She's sort of a living legend. Erin erin Try it without using your name. DeAngelo deangelo Dunder Mifflin, this is... oh, I like it! Erin erin Dunder Mifflin, how may I assist you? DeAngelo deangelo Oh, assist. Erin erin I sorta like the old way. Michael michael I just prefer it without the name and I thought- I've got to start doing some managing at some point. DeAngelo deangelo I know, I know, I'm sorry, but if it's not a big deal we should just- Michael michael And it really isn't. DeAngelo deangelo Is that good? Michael michael Yeah, ok, good. Erin erin Well, I'd like to change it, actually. DeAngelo deangelo Well, whatever. Whatever you think will work. Michael michael What do you think? Erin erin I think a change would be nice. DeAngelo deangelo You can do the old way or whatever you think would work. [phone rings] Michael michael [whispering] Change it. DeAngelo deangelo [picks up phone] ...I'm so sorry. Sorry. [hangs up] Erin erin Hey, funny guy. Wanna have a little mid-day lawl here. Make me laugh, huh? What you got? I can't even look at you. DeAngelo deangelo Here we go... ok... what do African Americans call... [laughter] Andy andy Deangelo, did you order a barber? Erin erin Oh, yeah. Put a pin on that, kid. Can't wait to hear the punchline. DeAngelo deangelo Finish the joke, Andy. What do African Americans call? Darryl darryl I... don't know. Help me. Andy andy [a barber enters the office for Deangelo] That is so badass. So hardcore. Ryan ryan Yeah, real cool. Real power move. Phyllis phyllis I saw a hawk today. Just sitting right there on the overpass. Looking at me. DeAngelo deangelo [to Erin] Shave me. [walks into office with Deangelo] This is going to be funny! Looks like we are going to be shaving buddies! Michael michael Ok, alright! I love it! I love it! Michael, this is Reggie. He is the #1 yelp reviewed shaver in Scranton. It's not even close. DeAngelo deangelo And this is Erin and she is going to shave my face. Here we go. [Erin puts too much shaving cream on Michael's face, none on the neck] Michael michael Alright. This is how we do it. Feels nice, doesn't it? DeAngelo deangelo It really does. This is luxery. Here we go. Ah, that is nice. Michael michael You wanted to talk to us Deangelo? Oscar oscar Ah, yes, please! Just cozy up there. Just thought we could have some rap sessions with smaller groups. DeAngelo deangelo Well, we don't really do rap sessions. We kinda do... [Erin shaves Michael] god... we sorta do more of like powwows or- Michael michael Ok, then, powwows then, fine. DeAngelo deangelo That's- Michael michael Hey, Deangelo, my mom just sent me this picture of Cece, it is so adorable. Pam pam Alright, wait, little bit of backstory, she loves dogs. She calls them 'da-das'. Jim jim Da-das. Pam pam And what happens here is- Jim jim You know what, enough about your baby, ok? I'm sorry. DeAngelo deangelo We were... I think she was just trying to- Jim jim No, no, no, I know what you're doing. Just quit it. I want to hear from the rank and file. How can I be the best manager for you all? What can I do better? DeAngelo deangelo You know what, everybody? You have to be honest, here. You can't say that everything is perfect. So, you know, come up with something. Michael michael Well, Deangelo, I'd say communication could be improved. People stopped reading memos, so everyone marks them urgent. Oscar oscar Ok, you know what, I mark it urgent A, urgent B, urgent C, urgent D. Urgent A is the most important, urgent D you don't even really have to worry about. Michael michael Michael, can you stop talking now? I need to shave your lips. Erin erin Don't shave my lips. Michael michael [Andy walks into room] What's up? DeAngelo deangelo I don't mean to go into a rant here, but... Andy andy I wrote the perfect joke. Topical, edgy, funny. Andy andy ...I saw this thing on the news. Democrats want electric cars. Republicans don't. I'm thinking, 'how crazy is it that we have a car debate going on in a city known for gridlock. Andy andy Let's not talk politics in the office, ok? I like you better as a funny guy. DeAngelo deangelo [leans on table] I wasn't taking a position. It's just one of those things where- [table collapses under Andy] Andy andy [laughter] Now that's funny! That's funny! You walk much? DeAngelo deangelo Yeah, right, I mean- [walks into door, jokingly] Andy andy Little click... DeAngelo deangelo [pushing box into office] Deangelo, this box came for you. Erin erin Thank you. That's my stuff. Yeah. Michael, take a look at this. DeAngelo deangelo Need a hand? Stanley stanley Oh, that'd be great, thank you Stanley! DeAngelo deangelo You know, this office sort of has a perfect Feng Shui to it, so... you know, let's not go overboard with the re-decorating, and I'm still here- Michael michael [holds up painting of desert to office, who are impressed] Ryan ryan I still have to look at this stuff, guys. Michael michael So this is a ten-gallon hat, huh? Darryl darryl Yep, ten-gallon hat. Technically, it only holds about three quartz. Little factoid. DeAngelo deangelo Interesting. Kevin kevin Deangelo's great. I love the guy. But I'm not sure he's a great fit for the office. And also, I'm not sure if I love the guy. Michael michael [holds out cowboy boots for Darryl] {Darryl}'s Sister darryl Cool, cool. Alright, see you later. Darryl darryl Hey, hey, hey! [holds up set of pistols in holsters] {Darryl}'s Sister darryl No, I'm good. Keep them. Darryl darryl Hey, funny man! Whatcha got for me? Make me laugh? DeAngelo deangelo [mimes using a rope to pull himself forward to microwave] Let's see if they have my favorite teas in here... [throws tea packets into air, puts hand in unplugged toaster, pretends to be shocked, takes container of cheese-puffs and throws them into air, pours hot coffee on his pants] Andy andy [laughs] Drink some soap! DeAngelo deangelo [drinks hand soap] Andy andy [laughter and applause] DeAngelo deangelo I guess this is my life now. Andy andy How do I become a manger at Sabre? Dwight dwight First thing's first, thank you for coming here directly. I know you could have called Tallahassee but they would've just looped back to me, so, it's cool you recognized my role here. Gabe gabe I left a message at corporate. Dwight dwight Ahh. There you go. Get a recommendation from Michael. That'll put you right on the shortlist for next time there's an opening. Gabe gabe Can't you just use the recommendation you already have on file? Dwight dwight What recommendation? Gabe gabe From when he recommended me to replace him. Dwight dwight ...I'm sorry, I never know how to act in these awkward-type situations. Gabe gabe Best whale watching: DeAngelo deangelo Hey, Deangelo! Wanna meet Cece? Jim jim That's a cute baby. Very cute baby. Adorable. Very cute. DeAngelo deangelo Thank you very much. Jim jim See, we knew it! If he just met her, he'd understand. Pam pam We're back in! Right? Jim jim I swear, that baby could be the star of a show entitled 'Babys I Don't Care About.' DeAngelo deangelo