What about this one? It's kinda badass, right? Just seems kinda crazy in a way I might need right now. Andy andy I don't know. [looks at Stanley, who took his mug and is drinking out of it] Oh! That's... not... yours. Jim jim Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug, and didn't seem to realize that it wasn't his hot coffee. So the question has to be asked, is there no limit to what he won't notice? Jim jim What's a seven letter word for purse? Stanley stanley [sitting at Phyllis' desk, dressed like Phyllis; high pitched voice] Satchel! Kevin kevin Nope. Starts with an H. Stanley stanley [shirtless, wearing only a tie] Handbag. Andy andy Hmmm. [glances at Andy] Thank you. Stanley stanley Shh! Shhh! [watches Jim put a cardboard box over Stanley's monitor] Andy andy [standing outside the conference room, wearing fake teeth, watching Stanley walk in] All right, everybody, take a seat. As you may have heard, our branch on the planet Jupiter is up eight thousand percent in sales! Michael michael Yay! [applause] All all [looks at the clock, then at his watch] Hold up! That clock is slow. It is five o'clock, I will see you all tomorrow: Stanley stanley [turns around, is wearing a mustache] Bye, Stanley! Love you! [waves, Stanley leaves] Pam pam [standing next to a pony] So long, Stanley! Dwight dwight Night, everybody. Stanley stanley So what kind of statement are you making with that costume, Kevin? Oscar oscar The statement that I am making, Oscar, is that I kind of look like Michael Moore. Kevin kevin Dunder Mifflin, this is Erin! Happy Halloween! How can I haunt you today? Erin erin A lot of people are really getting into Halloween this year! [puts head down over fake bomb made from cardboard, high pitched voice] Six seconds, MacGruber! [lifts head] Pam's got a lot of fun stuff planned! [puts head down, high pitched voice] Uh, two seconds MacGruber! [lifts head] Including a... costume contest, and bobbing for apples, and a Ouija board... OHHH! BOOM! OHH EXPLOSION! [throws fake bomb, takes off sunglasses, points to camera] MACGRUBERRRR! Michael michael People are really into the costume contest this year. Might have something to do with the prize, maybe you've heard of it. The 2011 Scranton Wilkes-Barre coupon book worth over fifteen thousand dollars in savings! Pam pam Stop. Jim jim [has his hands around Jim's neck] Too late! If I was the real Scranton Strangler, you'd be so strangled right now. If you're out there, strangler, you will get caught! By me. Dwight dwight Sounds like someone's really trying to convince us that he's not the Scranton Strangler. Jim jim To my chickens I'm the Scranton Strangler. [looks at Pam] Oh-ho! That's very funny. Looks like someone decided to dress up as old Dwight Schrute's mom. Dwight dwight What? Pam pam You're only one third as beautiful and only half her height. Dwight dwight I'm supposed to be Olive Oyl. And it makes more sense when I'm standing next to Popeye, but... Jim doesn't want to put his costume on. Pam pam [places pipe in mouth] I am Popeye! Jim jim I've never really been a costume guy. Even when I was a kid, it just felt like something I was too old for. And then this morning, when Pam hands me this little number [holds up Popeye costume, shakes head] ...no. Jim jim [dressed as Lady Gaga] In case you can't read m-m-my Poker Face... [laughs] we will be reviewing our sales policies. [accepts note from Michael, reads it out loud] I have ten seconds to read them or this whole place blows up. Gabe gabe MACGRUBER! Michael michael Lame. Why don't witches wear panties? Todd Packer todd-packer Oh, here we go! Michael michael Because they need to grip the broom! Todd Packer todd-packer [laughs] OH! Who likes to water ski on Lake Erie? No wai-where does Dracula like to water ski? Michael michael Lake Erie. Dwight dwight When our warehouse workers make deliveries, they're going to be encouraged to offer clients extra products. And then they will split those commissions with sales. Gabe gabe So, wait, drivers are going to be able to sell paper on the road? Michael michael That is correct. Gabe gabe Has anyone started calling you "Gabe-wad" yet? Todd Packer todd-packer Not here. Gabe gabe Gabe-wad. Danny danny Okay, guys, fun is fun, but- Gabe gabe Blackula! Michael michael Dracula. Darryl darryl Oh, so... I almost forgot. You'll find this hilarious. Apparently corporate is going to have drivers sell paper on their routes now. That's like, exactly sort of the idea that you had. Michael michael Yes. I do remember saying something like that to you. Darryl darryl Yeah. I'm sorry. I blew this. You should have gotten credit for that, man. Michael michael I'm just glad we're gonna try it out. Darryl darryl Really? We're good? Michael michael Yeah. We're cool. Darryl darryl Okay. [reaches out and shakes Darryl's hand] Okay. Michael michael What's under your shirt? Darryl darryl Oh. It's a ream of paper. Thought you might hit me. Michael michael Darryl Philbin is the greatest guy in the world. And you know what I'd like? I would like to have all the racists brought together and take Darryl Philbin out to lunch. Just to see what they're missing. Michael michael [leans hobo sack against the refrigerator] It's a great stick, right? Toby toby It's really good. It's a classic. I think you might win the whole thing with that. Ryan ryan Thanks! Toby toby Everyone realizes that this coupon book isn't actually worth fifteen thousand dollars, right? You'd have to spend two hundred thousand dollars on crap you don't actually need to get fifteen thousand dollars worth of benefits. I'm not the only one who sees this, right? Oscar oscar No. Toby toby No. Ryan ryan I get that. I get that. Kelly kelly Excuse me, everybody. I want to invite you all to the Halloween party I'm having at my bar. Danny danny You own a bar? Kevin kevin Public School, at exit 11. Danny danny That's a great name. You're hilarious. A plus! Oscar oscar So. You're all on the list! Danny danny Hey, man, can I get a plus five? It's all guys. Ryan ryan Hey, what's the crowd like, Danny? Our age? Creed creed Okay. Danny danny I don't think that she would leave Jim for Danny. Kevin kevin I don't know, they're both handsome. Phyllis phyllis Pam is gonna choose whoever has a scent most like that of her father. Does anyone remember what her dad smelled like? Dwight dwight I think he- Phyllis phyllis Hey hey hey, quiet, here she comes! Did you hear about that Danny guy? Heard he used to date Pam. Creed creed So four years ago, when I was in Stamford, Connecticut, and dating someone else, Pam went on two dates with Danny. Which was obviously the greatest love story ever told, given how much people are walking on eggshells around us. Jim jim We were basically Romeo and Juliet. Pam pam That's right. Jim jim Except where Juliet doesn't have that great a time and Romeo doesn't call back after two dates. Pam pam Yikes. Jim jim But I've learned to love again. [puts her arm on Jim's shoulder] He's a cartoon sailor. Pam pam Oh, no. Jim jim And looks so handsome in his UNIFORM! Please? Pam pam No. No, I'm not gonna-no. Jim jim Tuna! Tuna! Do you want us to skip this party? Andy andy I don't care. Jim jim I am never gonna forget what Danny did to Pam. I forget nothing. I'm like an elephant in that way. Kevin kevin You know what else? [pulling fake teeth out of his mouth] The-this... this sucks for Jim. Right? But it also sucks for us. Because we don't get invited to a ton of Halloween parties. [puts teeth back in] Andy andy Yeah, and everyone else is gonna be there. Stanley, Phyllis, Angela, Darryl... Creed's a maybe. Kevin kevin [removes teeth] Creed's going?! Andy andy Madge from the warehouse just made her first sale. Madge. We should have been doing this a long time ago. Jim jim Erin! Would you please do me a solid and get Darryl Philbin on the speakerphone? Michael michael [answers phone] Hello? Darryl darryl Hi, Darryl, come out here, please. Michael michael I'm good. Darryl darryl You need to stop being so shy, come out here, and embrace who you really are, superstar! Michael michael This is embarrassing, Michael. Darryl darryl Yeah, I bet it is! If you're gonna do your job well here, you gotta get used to being embarrassed. Michael michael Let me put my shoes on. [hangs up phone, dial tone] Darryl darryl [leans over toward Erin] Um, hit the speakerphone button. The speakerphone button? The same button as you hit before... or sit on it. Pam pam This whole delivery slash sales idea? You know whose idea that was? That was Darryl Philbin's. He thought of that way before the corporate fat suits. Michael michael So, what happened? Angela angela I got in the way. I said no. And it just stopped. But then corporate comes up with this idea, but you know what? They need to know that it was yours. And I don't care if I take a bullet. We're gonna call them, we're gonna put them on speakerphone right now... Michael michael Oh! [fumbles for phone] Erin erin And we are going to straighten this out. Michael michael Screw corporate! They probably stole the idea anyway. Andy andy Mmhm! Michael michael Uh uh. Corporate stole nothing, okay? Darryl told me, and then I told them, giving Darryl full credit, so... no need to [mimicking Andy] screw corporate! Or anything like that, so. Let's give Darryl a round of applause, as planned. [claps] Gabe gabe I'm a little peeved at Darryl right now. Michael michael He went to Gabe behind your back. Dwight dwight No, he didn't go behind my back. He went over my head. Michael michael He went over your head to go behind your back. Dwight dwight What is taking someone from behind? Michael michael No. Shh. Michael, listen. This cannot stand. We can't have workers going straight to corporate. Makes your job superfluous. Dwight dwight It was a good idea, though. Michael michael Yeah. Here's another good idea. Corporate chain of command. We need to strangle Darryl's idea. Dwight dwight Hey, Danny. Andy andy Hey. Danny danny I'm really sorry, but we can't come to your party tonight. Andy andy I was looking forward to throwing some darts with you guys. Danny danny You were? Andy andy Okay, well then, uh, I mean, maybe we could do it like... next Halloween. Kevin kevin For sure. Danny danny We're just like, totally caught in the middle here. Andy andy What are you talking about? Danny danny Well Jim and Pam basically begged us not to go... Andy andy Jim and Pam really don't want you to go? Danny danny They're really upset about the whole Danny situation. Kevin kevin I'll talk to them. Danny danny Yeah, but wait, don't tell them that we said anything to you. Kevin kevin Okay. Danny danny Or you're dead. Kevin kevin Okay. Danny danny Okay. Kevin kevin Kelly! Great costume! Erin erin Oh. Toby toby KELLY! You cannot change costumes in the middle of the day! Pam, she's out. Angela angela Um, if I'm out, I'm going to sue this ENTIRE COMPANY for discrimination. Kelly kelly Guys? You're arguing over a one in sixteen chance. Over a prize worth... forty bucks. Oscar oscar Um, fifteen thousand bucks, Oscar. Kelly kelly Yeah, shut it, Oscar. Pam? Angela angela This is an amazing prize. I mean, I don't even want to give Pam a compliment, because she's so blegh, but she did a good job. I really want that coupon book. Angela angela Garbage magnet. [throws magnet] Garbage magnet, God! Magnets are interesting enough, you don't need to tart them up with some design. [to Michael] I can't believe this doesn't make you mad! Dwight dwight [staring at Gabe and Kevin] What the hell are they talking about? Michael michael Hmm, Kevin and Gabe. Probably about the extremes of the human physique. Dwight dwight Do you think that Kevin is going over my head? I don't-[sees Kevin and Gabe fist-bump] Oh my GOD. Okay. All right. All right. You know what? That's inappropriate, Kevin. I am your boss, and if you have something to say, it goes through me, and then I take it to Gabe. Chain of command. Do you understand? Michael michael I am so sorry. Kevin kevin Oh, you're sorry? Michael michael I just thought- Kevin kevin What did you just thought? Michael michael Well, Gabe asked me if there were any really cool Lady Gaga moves that he could do for the catwalk. And so then I tol-[tries not to cry] Kevin kevin All right. Michael michael I told him that there was this one cool move where she powers down like a robot. Kevin kevin Okay. Michael michael Okay? But I- I am so sorry that I didn't tell you first. Kevin kevin Well, don't let it happen again. Michael michael [hysterical] You think that I would let this happen again?! NO WAY JOSE. Kevin kevin I- Michael michael [bleep] you, Gabe! Kevin kevin Okay... Gabe gabe Can you imagine? It's just crazy. Danny danny That is crazy. We would never care if Andy or Kevin went to your party. Jim jim Look, I'm just glad we can laugh about it. Because I was a little nervous about coming to work here, with, you know, our history. Danny danny Oh, my gosh! People keep blowing it out of proportion! It's not even a history. Pam pam Exactly. Danny danny It's not like you guys had some long relationship right? Big painful breakup I don't know about? Jim jim No! Two or three dates. Danny danny It was two. Pam pam Was it two? I thought it was three. Danny danny No, we um, we had plans for a third, but then I don't know, you never called me back, so... Pam pam Oooh! You can't handle the truth! [laughs] Jim jim [laughing] Well, that does not sound like me. Danny danny Yeah? [stops laughing] It was though, that's what happened. Pam pam [stops laughing] Well, great, I just wanted to make sure that things weren't weird. Danny danny Hmm-mm. Pam pam Okay, this whole going over my head-gate? Is making people act weird. The chain of command is crumbling. Do you know what just happened? I just made Kevin cry. And Gabe looks like Lady Gaga. That's not Halloween. Halloween should be a day in which we honor monsters and not be mad at each other. Michael michael I'm not mad. Are you mad? Darryl darryl You went over my head. And then you lied to my face. So my head and my face have taken a beating. Michael michael Well, I'm sorry if it seems that way to you. Darryl darryl Okay, that might help. If you said "I'm sorry" in front of everybody. Michael michael Mike. Darryl darryl In front of me. Michael michael You made a bad call. And I fixed it. So I'm not apologizing. Darryl darryl So that's it. Michael michael That's it. Darryl darryl Is it? Michael michael Yes. Darryl darryl Sookehhh. [removes teeth] Bill Compton, from True Blood. Andy andy How many freakin' vampires am I supposed to care about these days? Stanley stanley I guess you could say I'm still in costume. I'm a rational consumer. Oscar oscar Oh. Phyllis phyllis Stupid coupon booklet. Have you seen my costume? I'm a rational consumer. Oscar oscar Yeah, I uh, heard you say it to Phyllis. That's a good line. Ryan ryan Okay, everybody! After you walk the runway everyone has to vote for who gets the coupon book. And you can't vote for yourself. Pam pam Pam. Can you vote for other people? Kevin kevin Yeah, I gotta get in on this. [mocking Darryl] Hey, it's cool, man, I work in the warehouse! I'm cool! I'm hip and I'm jive! And I don't care about nobody! Do you know who I am? Happy Halloween, jerk! Michael michael Still don't know who I am? I'll give you a hint. I go over other people's heads. Michael michael Michael, this is a bad idea. Pam pam What's a bad idea? Michael michael Dressing up as somebody-I mean, when has that ever worked for you? Pam pam NEVER! [tosses wig] Okay, you know what? Fine. I'm not Darryl. And thank God I'm not Darryl. Michael michael Could you for once just let us enjoy a party instead of making it about all your issues? Kelly kelly [walking down the runway] Raaah! [waves sword] Stanley stanley I present to you the [finger quotes] rational consumer, as it were. Oscar oscar Angela as the nurse! Pam pam I don't like your tone! Look, they were sold out of all the other costumes, okay? I think we all live in the real world, here. Let's not pretend to be unaware of what sells in this office. Angela angela What should we ask? Phyllis phyllis Hey, can I play? Why don't you ask if Darryl is a bad friend who backstabs people in the back? Michael michael We have one question to ask the spirit world and you want us to ask that? Jim jim He says no. Erin erin Aaah! Darryl moved it. You moved it. Michael michael No. Darryl darryl Dwight, you saw Darryl move it, right? Michael michael Let's just say I saw exactly what the two of you wanted me to see. Dwight dwight I know how to sit on a fence. Hell, I can even sleep on a fence. The trick is to do it face down with the post in your mouth. Dwight dwight If you had one word you would use to describe Darryl what would that word be? Michael michael [hands are being forced to the letters] A... S... S... H... E... T? Erin erin An asset! Phyllis phyllis Ah! [lets go, candy corn flies everywhere] That's enough. Erin erin I don't think it's gonna work out the way you think. Danny danny I don't think you get it. Todd Packer todd-packer Hey. Danny danny Hey. Jim jim This is some party, huh? Danny danny When you work hard, you play hard around here. Even if you don't work hard. Oh, here's something. Uh, why didn't you ever call Pam back? Jim jim Are you serious? Danny danny Yeah. I mean, I'm not saying that everyone has to fall in love, or anything, I'm just saying... but you know, to not even call her back is... Jim jim You know what it was? I think she gave me her number but then her fours look like eights, and... Danny danny Could be. But you also called her the second time so you had the number right. Jim jim Halpert, you lookin' for someone to bang your wife? Todd Packer todd-packer Nope. Jim jim Okay. You wanna know? I didn't call her back because she spent the whole date talking about you. She was obviously in love with you. Danny danny Fifty seven. Fifty eight. Ryan ryan Wait, wait. She hasn't moved in awhile. Meredith meredith [reaches over to pull Erin out of apple bobbing water] ERIN! Oscar oscar Two! I got two. I ate two whole apples. Erin erin I'd remember talking about Jim. That wasn't it. Pam pam Just tell her the real reason. Jim jim Do you honestly want to know why I didn't call her back on a date over four years ago? Danny danny Hey. She had a nice time. It seems rude. Jim jim I did. And it's just one of those things that's going to keep gnawing at me, like "gnaw, gnaw, why? Why didn't he? I have no idea why." Pam pam Okay. Honestly. I didn't call you back because I-thought you seemed a little... dorky. Danny danny Hey, man. Jim jim Thank you! Thank you. I got it. Now I know. You thought I was a little dorky. You know? [gibberish sounds] Okay. Well, excuuuuse me. Pam pam In the future, you need to get Michael's approval on anything before coming to me. Gabe gabe Thank you. Michael michael You're gonna be missing out on some good ideas. Darryl darryl Okay, well, obviously if it's a really, really good idea, my door is open. Gabe gabe If they're good ideas, I'm not gonna say no! Michael michael You said no to this one! Darryl darryl That was-okay, you make one mistake in fifteen years and you drag me over the coals, after everything I did for you? Michael michael What have you done for me? Darryl darryl Oh... Michael michael What have you done for me? Darryl darryl Well... Michael michael Ed Truck hired me. Jo promoted me. Gabe listened to me. All you've ever done is say no to me. I have ambition. And you kept me at the same level for years. Darryl darryl Ohh. Dropping bombs, right? [explosion noise] This really make you think, Michael? Gabe gabe Stop it! Stop, stop. We're thinking. We're thinking about it. Michael michael Yeah. Gabe gabe You don't have to point to the fact that we're thinking about it. Stop it! Just let us think. Okay, next time you have a really great idea, we will put it in a hat, and then we will have Erin pick it out of the hat and let her decide. Michael michael I don't understand the point of a hat. Darryl darryl You're right, we don't need a hat. Gabe gabe I am not budging on the hat issue. Michael michael Okay. We're going to table the hat question. The best ideas are going to come to me, I make the final decision, period. Gabe gabe Okay. We both reserve the right to go to Jo if we disagree with Gabe. Michael michael Okay, why don't we simplify this? Darryl brings it to Michael, Michael brings it to me, no one calls Jo. Gabe gabe Unless you and I decide we want to talk to Jo, then we'll give her a call. Michael michael Cool. Okay. Sorry I lied. Darryl darryl Sorry I was a jerk. Michael michael Friends fight. Friends fight. Michael michael What's up, man? Andy andy Sometimes it seems like it was better down in the warehouse, you know? Darryl darryl When I was a freshman in college, I worked at the student newspaper, the Cornell Daily Sun? This was at Cornell. I had to write an op-ed column every day. Bernard's Regards. Andy andy This was your freshman year. Darryl darryl I started to ask myself, "Do I have big plans here?" I didn't want to become editor of that paper, so I got up and walked right out of Walter Bernard hall, and that's actually when I heard eight male voices, singing, unencumbered by instruments. I was hooked. So is becoming CEO of this company your a capella group? Come on, we're going to Danny's bar. Public School. Andy andy No. I got some work to do. I do got big plans with this company. Darryl darryl To be honest, I still can't believe he didn't call her back. Who doesn't call a dork like that back? Jim jim Oh, wow! Pam pam [holding Cece] Spinach in a can. Power eat spinach. [Popeye sound] Jim jim Aww, my hero! Pam pam Okay, everyone, I've tallied the votes, and the winner... of the costume celebration spectacular... and the Scranton Wilkes-Barre coupon book... Oscar Martinez. Pam pam If I have to vote for someone, I don't want it to be someone who can beat me. Kelly kelly Shake things up. I'm a Nader guy. Ryan ryan Best Edward James Olmos costume I've ever seen. Like, freaky good. Creed creed