Hey. Pam pam Hey. Jim jim I gotcha one. [Pam hands over a grape soda to Jim] Pam pam Oh wow, thank you. Jim jim Yeah. Pam pam I'm just gonna grab some chips, you want some? Jim jim No. Thanks... uh we're still having lunch today, right? Pam pam I guess. [Pam smiles and walks away, then comes back and kisses Jim on the cheek] How dare you. Jim jim Hey Toby. What's this? [holds up memo Toby has passed out to the staff] Michael michael Ohh. Toby toby [reads memo] I just want to remind everyone about the company rules involving PDA or public displays of affection. Michael michael Yes, uh some people in the office have complained... Toby toby Oh really. Michael michael ...about some other people engaging in PDA and, you know [Michael leans in closer to Toby] I just wanted to remind it's not appropriate to, to do that. Toby toby Is this about me and Jan? In my office? Because I will have you know that that was consensual. What we did has nothing to do with you or anyone here. I don't think. I don't think anyone heard anything. We were very discreet and, and most people had left by that point. So I don't think it's any of your business. What I think you should do is roll up the memo, real tight... Michael michael Ok, look the memo is not about you... Toby toby [to everyone in the room] For the record, I have never been involved with anyone at work, in any capacity. Angela angela Alright everyone, look, it, alright my complaint was about Jim and Pam. So... Toby toby [turns to address Jim and Pam] No way. Michael michael What? Dwight dwight You guys are together? Phyllis phyllis Ummm... yup. Yes, we are. Jim jim Woooah! Wow! Michael michael Tuna! Andy andy Awesome! Michael michael I knew it! Kevin kevin You guys! Yes! Yes! Michael michael Toby, was this your fun little way of congratulating us? Pam pam Yes. Toby toby Oh kay, mind is exploding. Get over here. [gestures to Pam to get up] Come on. Come here. Okay, okay, [to Jim] stand up. [Jim moves over in chair] OK, here we go. [holding both Pam and Jim's hand] Everyone, this is a day that will live in infamy. Because today, is the day that Jim and Pam become one. Michael michael Actually, we've been dating for a couple months. Jim jim I love you guys, so much. [hugs Jim] Michael michael Ohh.. [Michael goes to hug Pam, phone rings] Jim jim Phone's ringing. [goes back toward desk] Pam pam No, no, no Pam let 'em ring. Let the bells of Dunder Mifflin chime out your love. Because this is [starts to well up] really good, this is really good. My heart soars with the eagles nest. Michael michael I don't see it. I think they both could do better. Dwight dwight It's not a surprise to me. Pam is the office mattress. Angela angela Jim Halpert's off the market. Guess who just became the best looking single guy in the office? Andy andy Hey. Can you make that straighter? That's what she said. Michael michael Did you plan it? Phyllis phyllis No. [tries to hide piece of paper, but Pam grabs it] Michael michael [reading from paper] Can you make that straighter? That job looks hard. You should put your mouth on that. How can you even use that one naturally? Pam pam Blowing up balloons I thought. Michael michael You might want to trim it a little. Pam pam Michael... [Kelly enters conference room in a flirty red dress] Phyllis phyllis [reading sign] Oh, is... Ryan coming back today? Kelly kelly Yeah, he is. Pam pam Oh. Kelly kelly Pam and Jim are together. Ryan is visiting. Only thing that could make this day better is ice cream. Michael michael What do you want? Angela angela To give you this [reveals a cat from under a coat]. Dwight dwight Oh, what is that? Angela angela It's a feral barn cat. I trapped him last night and I'm giving him to you as a replacement cat for the one I destroyed. Dwight dwight Her name was Sprinkles. Angela angela And his name is... Garbage. Mose calls him Garbage because he likes to eat garbage. [shakes cat] Don't you Garbage? [makes chomping noises] Dwight dwight I can't believe you just thought you could replace Sprinkles. Before she's even in the ground. Angela angela You haven't buried her yet? Dwight dwight Don't rush me. I'm grieving. Angela angela Garbage can be very helpful. OK, he's a youthful cat. He killed an entire family of raccoons. [holds cat towards Angela] Look at him. Dwight dwight I don't want Garbage! I want Sprinkles! [walks away] Angela angela Hey Toby. Pam pam Hey... [sees both Jim and Pam] you two. Toby toby Hey. So now that we are dating, uh, we just wanted to know if we had to sign one of those 'we're dating' things for the company. Jim jim Oh well, you know, those were only for, you know [makes quotes with fingers] relationships, so... if, if this is just a casual thing, there's no need, really. Toby toby Oh. Jim jim Well, I don't wanna speak for Jim, but, it's like pretty official. [Jim smiles] Pam pam Uh huh. Toby toby Sorry, uh do we need to sign one, or...? Jim jim Let's just wait and see what happens. [whispers] You know? Toby toby What? Jim jim Let's just wait. Toby toby Oh, OK. Jim jim OK. Pam pam Great. [Jim and Pam walk away] Jim jim [sees Ryan coming through door] Hey Ryan. Welcome back -- Pam pam Hold on one second. [Ryan types on Blackberry for a few seconds] Hey Pam! It's great to see you. Is Michael in? Ryan ryan Hey! Michael michael Yeah. Pam pam There he is! There he is! He's back! And he's with a beard. [laughing] He... He has facial hair. Look at him! All grown up and no place to go. Hello, Mr. Sunny Crockett. I'm Tubs. Michael michael OK. Should we get started? Ryan ryan Ohh, yeah, let's get started because uh, yes, cause uh this is very serious business and umm.. Michael michael Yep, exactly. This is a business meeting. Ryan ryan ...business meeting -- Michael michael [rubbing hands in Ryan's hair] Fire! Kevin kevin Stop that! Stop that! Ryan ryan That's right! That's right! Michael michael [to Kevin] You scared me. Ryan ryan Fire guy. Don't start any fires, Ryan. Michael michael Fire guy [makes flames with his hands] Andy andy You weren't here for that. Kevin kevin Here for what? Andy andy When he started the fire. Kevin kevin Look how big he is. Look at you, you are so mature and old and little man now. You're like our little man... Michael michael Little old man boy. Kevin kevin Michael and everybody, umm... Ryan ryan Beard. Michael michael Bearded man boy. Kevin kevin ...let me just say something. I know I used to be a temp here, but now everything is different. I'd like your respect. I am your boss now. You're gonna have to treat me that same way you treated Jan. Ryan ryan Oh, wow! Michael michael So... Ryan ryan That's a little kinky. I don't swing that way. Michael michael OK... Ryan ryan Woooo![laughs] I think Ryan has a gay crush on me. Michael michael Enough! OK? This is inappropriate and it stops right now. Do you understand? Ryan ryan Yes, everybody, come on. Settle town. Let's get serious here. Um Ryan, has a very special, important presentation to do, which we will be doing in the conference room in [looks at Ryan] 10 minutes? Michael michael Perfect. Ryan ryan Sounds good. OK, alright. Michael michael Yeah, Ryan snapped at me, but there was this twinkle in his eye that I picked up on, which said, "Dude, we're friends. I'm doing this for appearances. I am the big boss now. And I have to seem like an ogre. But you know me and you trust me. And we like each other. And we'll always be friends. And I would never take you for granted in a million years. And I miss you, man. And I love you." His words. Michael michael Dunder Mifflin Infinity represents a floor to ceiling streamlining of our business model. The center piece of the campaign is a new business-to-business website interface that will allow us to compete directly with big box chains. Ryan ryan Wait a second. Last time I checked, Dunder Mifflin already has a website. And quite frankly, I'm not really sure what's wrong with it. [Jim at his desk, showing the Dunder Mifflin website reading "Under Construction. Coming Christmas 2002!"] Jim jim This is a massive overhaul. We're getting younger. Sleeker. And more agile so that we adapt to the market place. All essential personnel will be issued Blackberries for company use. Ryan ryan OOhh. Gimmme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme. Michael michael I'll stick around to help you set them up afterwards. Any questions? Dwight? Ryan ryan What if we don't want to use a Blackberry because they are stupid and pointless? Dwight dwight This is company-wide, Dwight. Ryan ryan Got it. [Andy's hand goes up] Dwight dwight Andy. Ryan ryan We should call it Dunder Mifflinfinity. You know, push the words together? Andy andy Any other questions? [Kelly's hand goes up] Kelly Kapoor. Ryan ryan Can we speak privately about our relationship? Kelly kelly Thank you everybody. Ryan ryan Ryan Howard everybody. [starts clapping] Good job. [everyone gets up to leave] Michael michael That's some fun stuff. When does the website go up? Creed creed As fast as possible. We want to start retraining people A.S.A.P., so we can hit the ground running with a new system. Ryan ryan Cool beans. Creed creed We're screwed. Creed creed Who is? Michael michael Us? You and me. The old timers. Creed creed I am not old. You are old. You are like a hundred. Michael michael You're over 40, that's the cut off. Are you listening to what he's saying? Re-training. New system. Youth. I'm telling you this kid is the grim reaper. You deal with this or you, me, Sammy, Phyllis, the chick you hit with the car, we're goners. Creed creed Swore I wouldn't tell anyone this, but in the interest of revealing secrets. Oh my God, this will make your brain explode. Umm, Dwight and Angela dating. Have been for six months. Jim jim No.. [in awe] Pam pam Swear to God. [Pam shakes her head]. Aww this is great. I was actually gonna wait and tell you on your birthday, but this is much more fun. Jim jim No, they have been dating for like two years. [Jim in shock] Since before your barbeque. Pam pam Wait. What? [Pam nods her head] You knew? And you didn't say anything? Jim jim You didn't say anything to me? Pam pam Fair enough. Wow! We should have started dating like a long time ago. Jim jim Can you believe that... Pam pam Sorry, I didn't know you guys were in here. Phyllis phyllis Oh no, we're just sitting here. Jim jim I couldn't see your hands. [Jim shakes his hands] Hey Pam, by the way, it's great that you're dating. But when a new client calls, you just have to randomly assign them to a sales person. You can't base who gets new clients on who you're sleeping with that week, OK? Phyllis phyllis OK. Pam pam OK. Phyllis phyllis OK. Jim jim And... that is why we waited so long to tell people. Jim jim OK, what's up? Ryan ryan Yeah, kay. I was just... After the presentation, just wanted to make sure, that vis-a-vie, that everything in the office is business as usual? Michael michael Well it is business, but not as usual. Ryan ryan Yeah, I know I understand... we're making great strides and we're updating, but business as usual, no? Michael michael No. [shaking head] We're throwing out the entire playbook, we're starting from scratch, we're implementing a brand new system. Ryan ryan Good, so, we're on the same page? Michael michael No. We're not. Michael, I know exactly how much time and man power are wasted in this branch. This company is getting younger, faster, more efficient. You need to prepare yourself. Ryan ryan We had a foreign exchange student live with us when I was young. And we called him my brother. And that's who I thought he was. Um, then he went home to what is now formerly Yugoslavia, taking all of my blue jeans with him. And I had to spend the entire winter in shorts. That is what Ryan is like. A fake brother who steals your jeans. Michael michael So, how are you? Ryan ryan Awesome. I am dating a lot of guys. Kelly kelly Good. Ryan ryan A lot. Black guys mostly. Kelly kelly Kelly... Ryan ryan What?! Kelly kelly Wait, uh, how do you touch just one of these buttons at a time? Phyllis phyllis I don't know. Stanley stanley Did you even try? Phyllis phyllis If the kid wants to set mine up, I'll let him. Stanley stanley I can't see half of the things. [adjusts glasses] Phyllis phyllis It's too little. Use the phone. Stanley stanley I want you to tell me that you care about me. That is what I want. Kelly kelly Kelly, I'm your boss now, OK? You can't keep talking to me like I'm your boyfriend. Ryan ryan Oh big strong man, fancy new whatever. I don't think you ever cared about me. Kelly kelly I never cared about you? Six months ago Karen Filipelli sent me an email. Asked me out. I said no, because I was committed to our relationship. Ryan ryan Well, I hope you're still committed because I'm pregnant. Kelly kelly [shaking head] Kelly kelly And guess what buddy, [points at Ryan] I am keeping it. Kelly kelly OK. OK. Ryan ryan Do you feel prepared to help me raise a baby? Kelly kelly I can... I can't talk about this right now, OK? After work, we'll go out to dinner, we'll talk about it then, OK? Ryan ryan We have a date! Kelly kelly Hello. Dwight dwight Hello, Dwight. I've been thinking about things and I wanted to know if you would have dinner with me tonight? Angela angela Really? Dwight dwight Yes. Angela angela I'll make a reservation. No, no. Let me cook for you. Cauliflower and noodles. Baked potato on the side. Dwight dwight I would prefer a public place. See you after work. Angela angela Hi, Pam. Jan jan Hi. Pam pam Is Michael in? Jan jan In his office. You can go right in. Pam pam [to Ryan] Hey. Jan jan Jan. Ryan ryan Ryan. Ryan. Ryan, Ryan. Jan jan So elephant in the room, I have your old job. Ryan ryan Well, not exactly my job... I had a different title. Jan jan Oh well, excuse me, same office, same responsibilities. Ryan ryan Different salary. [laughs] You'll get there, don't worry. Jan jan Well... you look great. Ryan ryan Thank you, thank you. Jan jan Scranton suits you. Ryan ryan Best decision I ever made. Jan jan You were let go. Ryan ryan You know what? I love the beard. Keep it forever. [goes into Michael's office] Jan jan Hey. Michael michael Hey. Jan jan [holds up Blackberry] Hey, what is the actual deal with these things in terms of testicles? Michael michael What? Jan jan I don't want to grow weird sperm in case we ever want to have kids. Michael michael So, what's Ryan doing here? Jan jan Oh, I dunno, they're launching a big new business plan. New website, blah blah blah. He's being a real twerp about it, so, it's all about youth, and agility and streamlining and trying to squeeze out the older people. Michael michael He's such a snake. Jan jan Well... Michael michael I hope he's gets hit with an ageism suit. Jan jan What is that... word? Michael michael Ageism? Companies they can't discriminate against people due to old age. Like a couple years ago we tried to force out some of the older branch managers with a mandatory retirement age and then Ed Truck, your old boss, threatened us with a lawsuit, so we had to back off. Jan jan So older people have just as many rights as younger people? Michael michael Yes, Michael, they do. Jan jan Creed? Oscar oscar Yes, sir. Creed creed Everything OK? [Creed has made his hair jet black] Oscar oscar Everything's cool, dude. Creed creed I'm thirty. Well, in November I'll be thirty. Creed creed Is there another meeting scheduled, I was gonna do the Blackberry tutorial in here. Ryan ryan Michael told us to wait in here. We don't know why. Pam pam [notices pictures on the wall] Ohh... man. Ryan ryan Good, we're all here, we can get started. Michael michael Michael. Ryan ryan Have a seat. Michael michael We're not doing this today. Ryan ryan Have a seat. Like everybody else. Michael michael OK. This is... Ryan ryan Still my office, Ryan. [Ryan sits down] Well, there has been a lot of talk about new ideas today. Well, new ideas are fine, but they are also... illegal, because they are a form of ageism. What? Yes, I am right. Did you know that the Age Discrimination and Employment Act of 1967 prohibits employment discrimination based on age with respect to employees 40 years of age or older? I did. Michael michael Technically, he's right. Toby toby Hey, shut up Toby. Look, why do we as a society hate old people so much? Michael michael Because they're lame. Creed creed No, Creed, no they are not. In fact, many cultures revere old people because of their storytelling ability. Like the old lady from Titanic. [points to her picture on the wall] Or the funny things that they can do, like "where's the Beef?" [points to another picture on wall] [Jim raises his hand] Yeah. Michael michael Why do you have the Big picture up again? You used that already, when you burned your foot. Jim jim Reusing the Ben Kingsley, too. Pam pam I was going to put up some new pictures, but umm, all of the ink in the printer was gone. Michael michael Oh. [man enters conference room] Pam pam Michael Scott? Robert Dunder robert-dunder [puts hand up] That is me. Come on in. [They shake hands] Who is this old fart? Did you just stagger off the street? Out of a box or something? Who's this worthless bag of bones? Well, this guy is none other than one of the founders of Dunder Mifflin, Mr. Robert Dunder. Huh? [starts clapping, others join in] Michael michael Oh, yeah. Yes! Dwight dwight Thank you everyone. Robert Dunder robert-dunder Michael, [gets up] can I talk to you a second? Ryan ryan Sure thing. [both go out of conference room] 'Scuse me. [closes door] Michael michael We have actual work to do. Ryan ryan Fine. Then I will call David Wallace and you can explain to him why you threw the founder of the company out on his ancient butt. [they glare at each other] Michael michael Bob, how old are you? Michael michael I'm 87. Robert Dunder robert-dunder Eighty-seven years young. And still active. That is great. Did you know, that Bob is still a member of the Board of Dunder Mifflin? Michael michael Well, I, I, I haven't been to a board meeting in years. I, I send a proxy. Robert Dunder robert-dunder Ah, still sends his own proxy. Good for you. Michael michael I'm gonna live for a very long time. My grandma Schrute lived to be 101. My grandpa Manheim is 103, and still puttering around in Argentina. I tried to go visit him once, but my travel visa was protested by the Shoah Foundation. Dwight dwight I started this company in 1949. Robert Dunder robert-dunder Wow. Michael michael Back then, it was an uh, an industrial supplier of metal brackets mostly for, for construction. Robert Dunder robert-dunder Oh, boy. Michael michael And then Mifflin, of course he killed himself later... Uh, but I knew Mifflin through the Rotary Club. Robert Dunder robert-dunder Great. Michael michael And he was, he was [starts laughing] at dinner with Beverly and her husband, wha-what was his name, umm... uhh... Jerry.. Jerry Trupiano from, from South Jersey and he was tall. Both he and Mifflin were tall guys. Robert Dunder robert-dunder Great. Michael michael And... Robert Dunder robert-dunder That's great. Thank you for coming in. [starts ushering him out] Robert Dunder everybody. [clapping] Thank you. That was wonderful. Do you have a ride? Michael michael Well I, I, I came here in a cab. Robert Dunder robert-dunder Perfect. [starts closing the door] Michael michael Well, cou, could you get me another... [Michael closes door] Robert Dunder robert-dunder Inspirational. What have we learned? Well, we have learned that you can't teach an old dog new tricks, because it's illegal, and you will go to jail. [Pam raises hand] Michael michael I think that I should help him get home. Pam pam No, No. Don't help him. He doesn't need help, Pam. [Jim nods head and Pam gets up and leaves to help Robert Dunder, Michael shows Robert thumbs up] What a nice guy. Michael michael Good night guys. [staff leaves the office] Michael michael Well, today was a fantastic waste of time. Ryan ryan I disagree, I think it was very valuable. Michael michael Michael, technology helps business OK? You should not resist it, this is the way the world is moving. Ryan ryan I happen to think the old ways of doing business are better. And I can prove it. Michael michael Ok. I look forward to hearing your ideas. [Michael retreats back to office] [to Kelly] Where do you wanna go? Ryan ryan You know, some place romantic and expensive. Kelly kelly Kelly, come on. Ryan ryan You know what, you're right. I'm feeling kind of nauseous anyway. So, you know skip it. [Ryan hesitates and takes her hand and they exit] Kelly kelly Are you enjoying your vegetarian noodles? Dwight dwight Very much. How's your meat? Angela angela Dry. Delicious. Dwight dwight I heard a joke today. Angela angela Oh, that's funny. Dwight dwight Yes, it was. Angela angela Are you enjoying your mineral water? Dwight dwight I can't do this. I can't be with you. Every time I look in your eyes I see Sprinkles' stiff lifeless body. Angela angela Then don't look in my eyes. Look right here [points to middle of forehead above the eyes], it's an old sales trick. Dwight dwight I'm sorry. I gave this everything I could. Angela angela No, please don't do this, monkey. Dwight dwight I will leave your toothbrush on top of your tire tomorrow morning. [gets up and leaves restaurant] Angela angela Hey guys. This is my, uh, girlfriend, Amy. Toby toby Hi. Pam pam Hey, Amy. How ya doing? Jim jim Nice to meet you. Pam pam [under his breath] Nice to meet you. Jim jim [gesturing to the rest of the office] This is everybody else... okay... This is the place... so thanks for the lift. Toby toby Yeah, sure. I'll, uh, I'll see you tonight, right? Amy amy Absolutely. [Toby kisses Amy for an extended period of time, Pam and Jim are shocked] Toby toby Whoa. Easy tiger. Amy amy I just really like you. Toby toby Okay. Bye guys. Nice to meet you. Amy amy Have a great day! Toby toby Whoa, Toby. Watch out. You're going to violate your own PDA memo. Pam pam I wouldn't want to do that now would I? Toby toby