Oh my God! I can't believe it! I jut won an art contest! [Erin screams, Pam and Jim look at each other, Dwight, laughing, gets up and hands her some money] Erin erin [whispering] Thanks. I still don't understand why you wanted me to say that. Erin erin Shut up. Dwight dwight [laughs hysterically] I got her! Dwight dwight Not cool, Dwight. [Dwight continues laughing] Pam pam Not cool. [Dwight still laughing] Jim jim [caught by camera crew dancing to "At the Car Wash", but laughing] Oh, no. I still have the lease on the Michael Scott Paper Company, so occasionally I will sneak down here for a little coffee and dancing. I actually dance all the time. Tip-toeing around corporate - it is a ballet. When I am breaking all the rules, I am break dancing. And expresso. Michael michael Guys, I'm scared. I'm really scared. I think I'm growing into a giant. Because look at this normal sized coffee cup. Looks so tiny in my giant hand now. Anybody want to go to lunch with me later on? Michael michael I do. Dwight dwight Okay. How about a woman? Pam? Michael michael Oh, I can't do lunch. I was just sending you an email. Jim and I need to leave early today to meet with our contractor. Pam pam Oh, really? Ok. Michael michael Just sent it. Pam pam What about the rest of you? [complete silence] Michael michael At Dunder-Mifflin there is a very strict no lunch with the boss policy and I don't know who instituted it. I think it started right after my predecessor stepped down, but at the Michael Scott Paper Company I really enjoyed having lunch with Pam and Ryan everyday. So, rules be damned, I wanna have lunch with these people. Michael michael Who else? Who else? Ryan? Michael michael I don't do lunch. I'm eating five small meals a day now. Ryan ryan Now that I'm back to doing the job of a temp, again, I find that food is one thing I can control. Ryan ryan Ok. Anyone? Anyone? At all? Accounting? I am accounting on you to go to lunch with me. Michael michael No. I don't want to stay late to have a two hour lunch. Angela angela Michael, we have a lot of work to do. Phyllis phyllis What? Michael michael Work. Phyllis phyllis Ugh! God! What happened to you people? [talking like a robot] We are just office drones. We are office drones. All we do is work... is work. Michael michael If you don't take out his battery, he just keeps going all day. Pam pam Oh, no. Your battery fell out. Pam pam [still talking like a robot] I... was just learning... to... love. Michael michael Hi, guys. How you doing? Erin erin Erin, how many times do I have to tell you? It is not necessary for you to ask us how we are doing every time you interact with us. Dwight dwight Right. I'm sorry. Erin erin [sighs] Now, how can I help you? Dwight dwight Did somebody here leave a map in the printer to Youngstown, Ohio? Erin erin Attention, office. Who here is planning a trip to Youngstown, Ohio? I will take your silence to mean that you are all hiding something. This location is the Superior Court - Dwight dwight So someone is going to a court. Big deal. Pam pam It is a big deal. Cause there's only a handful of reasons why someone would ever go to a courthouse in Ohio and not be charged with a crime. To claim an inheritance from a deceased relative. To obtain a learner's permit at age 14 and a half instead of 15. Erin, let me see your birth certificate. Dwight dwight Sure. Erin erin There are other reasons to go to Ohio. Jim jim We're getting married today. Pam pam So, it turns out it's the closest place to get a marriage license without a 3 day waiting period. Jim jim Tell 'em how it happened. Pam pam Ok. So, we're going through all the wedding plans and, boy, it is complicated. Jim jim And very expensive. Pam pam Very expensive. Cause you say you want a small wedding and that's great but then you have to invite - Jim jim You can't leave anyone out. Pam pam No one. Jim jim Ok, just get to the good part. Pam pam Ok. Right. Oh, so this morning we are having breakfast together and I just looked up from my cereal and I said, " You know what I want to do today? I want to marry you." Jim jim I had just woken up. I didn't look cute. That's how I knew he meant it. Pam pam Michael? Michael sorry to bother you. Are you going to be working down here? Do you want these down here now? Erin erin No work. No work. No work. I come in here to release frustration. Ooh. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ooh. Michael michael Well, I like to swim. Erin erin That's good. Michael michael You have a cool place to come hang. Erin erin If you ever want to come down here, door's always open, lock's broken, so... Michael michael Thanks. Erin erin Come on in. Hey, hey, hey. Here we go. Here we go. Yeah. Michael michael Wow. Erin erin Now you got it. Michael michael Now I do got it. Erin erin Now you got it. Hey, you want some espresso? Michael michael Oh, yeah. Erin erin You gotta keep yourself dehydrated. Michael michael That's rule #1. Erin erin Ok. I love it. I love it. Michael michael Whew. Erin erin I love it. Michael michael Guys, I believe that I have figured out what is up your butts. There's no reason to be scared. The bad man is gone.Charles is gone. Michael michael Charles really did a number on these guys. They are way too focused on work. When I was in charge, this place was like Dave and Buster's People just hanging out, having, fun, eating apps. I don't know. It's like [pause] Dave died or something. Michael michael Daddy's here and daddy is going to take care of you. Michael michael Please don't refer to yourself as our daddy. Oscar oscar I am your big daddy and I am gonna kiss da boo boo. Michael michael [baby voice] Wittle Andy is afwaid. Andy andy Andy's afwaid? Michael michael Yes. Andy andy Are you all afwaid? Michael michael No. Dwight dwight Daddy's here for you. My wittle angels. Ok. I think that I have figured a way to get you guys out of your funk. Michael michael What? Pam pam Funk is the problem and the solution. Michael michael That makes sense. Jim jim I've taken my downstairs office and I have turned it into a place to hang out. A place where unattractive and attractive people can get together. To meet. To greet. To see the ones that you love. To love the ones that you see. Michael michael Is this our punishment for not wanting to have lunch with you? Oscar oscar Why don't you get over lunch, Oscar? Everybody else is past it. Michael michael [Jack Nicholson impression] All work and no play makes Michael a dull boy. Dwight dwight This is like a haunted coffeehouse thing? Meredith meredith No. Dwight is confusing you. That - it's, it's more of a disco. Michael michael It's like a haunted disco. Andy andy ... with coffee but without the haunted. Michael michael It's a combo dance house coffee bar. Phyllis phyllis It's a daytime disco on the ground floor of and industrial office building. Michael michael It's a cafe disco. Erin erin Exactly. Michael michael So, like, a disco cafe? Kevin kevin Wha - No. No. Not even close. I can't force you to go down but I can entice you. I'm gonna be down there. Erin will be down there from time to time... and all-you-can-eat espresso. Michael michael Well, Kevin, I guess it is just me and you. Michael michael Yeah. Kevin kevin Holdin' down the fort. Michael michael Yeah. This place is great. Kevin kevin Thank you. Michael michael Oh, my God, Kevin. I am still on hold. You were supposed to get the answer from Michael and come back up. Angela angela I'm sorry. Kevin kevin This is a no work zone. Please respect the lei. Michael michael Yeah. Respect the lei. Kevin kevin Come. Angela angela Kevin, stay. Michael michael Kevin, come. Angela angela Kevin, stay. Michael michael Kevin, come. Angela angela Stay, stay. Michael michael Come on, right now. Angela angela Cookie. Kevin, cookie. Michael michael Ugh. There is no cookie, Kevin. Angela angela [to Michael] Is there a cookie? Kevin kevin Mmm-hmm. Michael michael Wha - Angela angela Come on. Michael michael Oh, for goodness sakes, Kevin. There's no cookie. There's no cookie. Come on. Come. Angela angela I wanted a cookie. Kevin kevin Completely unacceptable. Angela angela Now I know what the founders of Phillip-Morris felt like. you just want to give people a smooth, fun way to relax and suddenly you're just some terrible monster. Michael michael [Michael is holding the stereo speaker up to a vent - blaring "[Gonna Make You Sweat] Everybody Dance Now", spins in chair] Oww! Andy andy Aw, what the hell? [goes to Vance Refrigeration] Hi, Jessica. Is Bob in? Phyllis phyllis Oh, he's on a call. Jessica jessica Oh, I'll just duck my head in. Phyllis phyllis It's pretty important. He wouldn't want to be disturbed. Can I give him a message before he gets off? Jessica jessica Tell him I'm going dancing downstairs in the storage closet between the bathrooms that used to be a utility shower and he should join me there. Phyllis phyllis I'll let him know. Jessica jessica Mmm-hmm. Phyllis phyllis Phyllis? Michael michael Hi. Phyllis phyllis Hey! Michael michael Hey. I like. Phyllis phyllis [starts dancing with Phyllis] Alright. Back. There you are. There you go. Good. Good. Ooh. Show me some attitude. Michael michael Oh! Mother ******! Phyllis phyllis Oh, God! No! No! No! No! No! Michael michael Back! Phyllis phyllis Oh, wow! What did you do? Michael michael [moans in pain] Phyllis phyllis You didn't do that. You're ok. You're ok. Let's lie down. You want to go down? Alright. Michael michael Wow! Sorry! Phyllis phyllis Ok. That's ok. That's not a problem. Ok, sweetie. Michael michael Hey! Hey, hey, hey! I got your text. Who's Phillip? Dwight dwight No. No. No. Michael michael Who tipped you over? Was it Phillip? Dwight dwight It's my back. Phyllis phyllis It's her back. We just - We need - Let's - You know what? Michael michael Call a doctor. Phyllis phyllis We're going to take care of you. We're gonna get you help. Let's - come on. Michael michael No. Call Bob. Phyllis phyllis Oh, no. No. No. This is no good. Michael michael Yeah. Back injuries are common. Not as common as knee injuries but more common than wrist injuries. Dwight dwight I don't need you to give me a history lesson. Ok? Michael michael What do you think history is? Dwight dwight It's just, we need to get her out of here because no one is going to want to go in there with a woman writhing around on the floor. Wait, wait, wait. But most importantly we need to get her some medical attention. ASAP. Stat. Michael michael [barging through office door] Alright. Here we go. Michael michael Out of the way! Move it or lose it! Dwight dwight You having fun? Michael michael Oh, my God! What happened? Erin erin What? Oh, just having to much fun. Phyllis, we're going to put you in here. Dwight's going to take care of you. Michael michael What? No. I thought we were going to the hospital. Phyllis phyllis You want to get sick you go to the hospital. Dwight dwight Ok, Dwight. Ok. Good. I do not want anyone to worry. Michael michael What happened to Phyllis? Oscar oscar Oh, you know. Nohting. She's - we were hanging out at Cafe Disco and she had a flare up of am existing injury. But she's a tough, old bird. So... Michael michael Can you please go back to work instead of masterminding these situations were in we hurt ourselves? Angela angela Ok. Phyllis did injure herself. But she injured herself having fun and I don't think she would trade that memory for anything. [Phyllis can be heard screaming in the backgroud] Michael michael I would like the memory of a day uninterrupted by this nonsense. Stanley stanley You all took a life here today. you did. The life of the party. Erin? Michael michael Yes. Erin erin I want you to go downstairs and I want you to shut it down. Michael michael Like unplug the coffee machine and bring it up here. Erin erin I don't care. Bury it. I hope you're happy. Michael michael [exits the conference room in an undershirt] I'm gonna need two able bodied men. Dwight dwight Cafe Disco? More like Crappe Disco. Kelly kelly You're bad. [they turn off the lights and turn on music - start dancing] Erin erin There's girl in there. Vance Refrigeration Guy #1 vance-refrigeration-guy Where? Vance Refrigeration Guy #2 vance-refrigeration-guy The other room? Vance Refrigeration Guy #1 vance-refrigeration-guy What other room? Vance Refrigeration Guy #2 vance-refrigeration-guy Down the hall. Vance Refrigeration Guy #1 vance-refrigeration-guy There's girls in there? Vance Refrigeration Guy #2 vance-refrigeration-guy What'd I just say? Vance Refrigeration Guy #1 vance-refrigeration-guy You have another sandwich? Vance Refrigeration Guy #2 vance-refrigeration-guy Forget the sandwich. Girls. Girls. Vance Refrigeration Guy #1 vance-refrigeration-guy I guess they got what they want. I am eating alone. Might as well be dinner. Michael michael You comfy? Alright? Alright. Relax. Relax, ok? Dwight dwight Dwight! Dwight! Phyllis phyllis Come on. Relax. The shirt wasn't doing you any favors. If my assessment in correct, you grind your teeth? Dwight dwight I do. Phyllis phyllis No kidding! She sits three feet from me. It's the most annoying thing. [mimics grinding teeth] It's like children singing Christmas carols. Dwight dwight Yeah! I love the vibe down here. Andy andy Ashley! You made it! Erin erin You invited someone? Oscar oscar Oh, yeah. Was I not allowed to do that? Erin erin I've been here 8 years and I've never... [Erin walks away] Rude. Oscar oscar I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure I'm in a dance off. Alright! Andy andy Cafe Disco is dead but I can still hear the music in my head. Michael michael I hear it, too, Boss. Creed creed It's better than I imagined it! Michael michael That feels good, Dwight. Phyllis phyllis Tell me where it hurts. Dwight dwight Right... mmmm... right there. Phyllis phyllis Oh yeah. you've got a knot in your crest. This remedy has been passed down in my family for generations. and it always works. My grandfather was told that Diamond Dancer would never race again. they were wrong. He came in 9th in the Apple Creek Derby and his jerky came in 3rd the following year. A majestic beast. So fast. So tender. Dwight dwight Welcome, welcome! Cafe Disco. I am Michael Scott. Michael michael Hey, Angela! Welcome to - Erin erin Stop! Angela angela Angela. Angela. Angela. May I interest you in a triple espresso or perhaps a dance? Michael michael No. I didn't come down here to get wet and wild. I just need you to sign these. Angela angela Oh. Alright. There you go. Michael michael No. You need to sign them all. Angela angela No. No. No. Here is the deal - one signature for every song. Michael michael Look, I hate to be "that" person but I just don't like the general spirit of music. Angela angela I know. I know, Angela. A lot of people doubted Cafe Disco at first but it is a magical place. You have to give it a chance. If these walls could tale they would say, " This is a magical place! You are safe here. We have talking walls. We're not going to eat you." [Angela shows Michael the papers again] No. Michael michael This is oil from the gland of an otter. It keeps their fur water resistant, as well as traps heat. Now I need you to lie still for an hour. Dwight dwight An hour? I can't stay here an hour. Phyllis phyllis Whoa! Whoa, whoa, girl. Whoa. Whoa. Dwight dwight Boss, this used to hang from my windshield but it belongs in here. Creed creed Hey, thank you, Creed. you're really getting this place. Michael michael No problem. I'll just have no idea who's driving behind me now. Creed creed I'm gonna with the python. Dwight dwight But the rattler's so scary. Phyllis phyllis No. Please. I find the rattle soothing. It puts me to sleep. Dwight dwight I think Bob is gonna cheat on me with his new secretary. [she starts to giggle] Phyllis phyllis What's so funny? Dwight dwight When I say it out loud it's so silly. [they both laugh] Phyllis phyllis Hey! Hey! Angela, no! No cleaning up! Michael michael You are forcing me to be down here. Am I not allowed to have some fun? Angela angela No... cleaning... up. Michael michael [waiting outside the bathroom for Pam, he is holding a hand-picked bouquet of flowers and pacing] These are for you. Jim jim They're beautiful. Pam pam You ready? Jim jim Yeah. Pam pam We should probably stop by. It'd mean a lot to him. Jim jim Hey! Hey! Jim and Pam! Can you believe this? It's really happening. Michael michael Wanna dance, Dwight? Phyllis phyllis Ordinarily I would say no but you need to move to reduce lactic acid build-up. Also, this song is fantastic. Dwight dwight Mind if I steal my wife? Bob Vance bob-vance You can't steal what is legally your property. Dwight dwight Are those staples? Bob Vance bob-vance This dance competition is not over. Andy andy What dance competition? I was just dancin' casual with my friends, y'all. Kelly kelly You guys are the best for coming. You don't have to stay if you don't want to. I understand. Michael michael We're gonna stay. Jim jim Really? Michael michael Yeah. At least for one more dance. Jim jim Oh, no. Not me. Not me. Get out of here. Cafe Disco! [Dwight hits Michael in ear] Hey! Come on, man. It's not even to "Y". Michael michael This is so cheesy. Pam pam Yes. Jim jim I like cheesy. Pam pam Me, too. Jim jim Yeah. I think maybe I want a "wedding" wedding. Pam pam Me, too. Jim jim Really? Pam pam Yeah. Jim jim Would you like to dance? Michael michael No. [Camera pans to down to show her swinging her foot to the music] Angela angela Yeah. No. Well, ok. Andy andy Stop squirming. Kelly kelly Well, stop trying to poke me with a sharp thing. Andy andy You wanted to do this. Just be brave. Kelly kelly I, I - but you're not a professional and I'm thinking maybe we should have gone to a professional. Andy andy I'm doing it. No. I'm doing it for free. You have to stop squirming otherwise I'm gonna mess up. Kelly kelly Are you sure that's not the "gay" ear? Andy andy Gay ear? Are you 12 years old? Kelly kelly Well, I... Andy andy Look, I'm gonna count to 3. Kelly kelly Count to twen - count to twenty. Andy andy No. I'm gonna count to 3. Kelly kelly [mumble] Andy andy 1... 2... 3 Kelly kelly Agh! Son of a bitch! Andy andy Andy, that was just the ice. Kelly kelly It was? Andy andy Yeah. It was. Kelly kelly Hey, Kevin. Lynn lynn Hi. Did you have bacon for breakfast? Kevin kevin No. Lynn lynn Oh...cause you smell like bacon. Kevin kevin I didn't think I did. How's everything going? Lynn lynn Tight. I'm going down the hall to this office to see Michael - there's free espressos. Kevin kevin Oh. Lynn lynn I would invite you but I remember that you just want to be friends. Kevin kevin We can still... Lynn lynn Are you sure that you didn't eat bacon? Kevin kevin Yes. Lynn lynn Oh. Whatever it is I like it. Bye. Kevin kevin Yes, I had some bacon this morning. I just didn't think it was anyone's business. Lynn lynn I love the smell of bacon on a woman. Kevin kevin Hey, Lynn, it's Kevin. I was thinking about going and getting a coffee at the Cafe Disco, wondering if you want to go with. Bye. Angela, my stomach is really hurting. Kevin kevin Just go down, Kevin. Oscar oscar My grandpa was the funnest guy I ever knew. He would sing. He would dance. He would....fall down. But then...he started going to these meetings and everything changed. He...stopped going out at night. He got a job. The fun just dried up. It was really sad. I don't want that to happen to you guys. I'm not gonna let it happen. Michael michael How did I end up back in Crazytown? Stanley stanley It is hard to imagine you playing softball. Dwight dwight I was all-county my junior and senior years. Phyllis phyllis Oh yeah? Big deal. I once hit three home runs against Little Flower Catholic. Dwight dwight The girls school? Phyllis phyllis I played high school softball. Notice I didn't say "girls" high school softball. Not after the landmark case of Shrute vs. the Lackawanna County Board of Education.That was one case the Pennsylvania Supreme Court got right. I hit the ball right over the protest banners. Dwight dwight [sarcastically] Oh, no. I love Ohio. Next time you're there say "Hi" to my cousin Amel and then kick him in the groin area because he's a cheat and a ball hog. And if he's still married to Clarissa, kick her in the groin area, too. 'Cause she's a heart breaking tart...and a ball hog. Dwight dwight