[Dwight enters dressed as Recyclops] Not again. Oscar oscar Bow down before Recyclops. Dwight dwight Five years ago, corporate said we had to start a recycling program for Earth Day so Dwight took the lead on that and introduced us to a very close friend of his named Recyclops. Jim jim Happy Earth Day, everyone. I'm Recyclops. Did you know that an old milk carton can be sawed in half and used as a planter? Dwight dwight The next year he really stepped things up. Jim jim Who has put a number seven plastic in a number four bin? Dwight dwight A year after that Recylcops really began to take shape. Jim jim Recylops will drown you in your over-watered lawns. Dwight dwight Then tragedy struck Recyclops when his fictional planet was attacked by some other fictitious thing... I can't remember. Jim jim Recyclops will have his revenge. Dwight dwight I think this was also the year he renounced Earth Day and vowed to the destroy the planet he once loved. Jim jim Oh my God, you guys, look. It's Recyclops. Pam pam Recyclops destroys! [starts tearing through the office] Dwight dwight Oh, is today Recyclops Day? Stanley stanley Yes. Dwight dwight I thought you were killed by Polluticorn. Stanley stanley Polluticorn wishes. [starts spraying the office with something] Dwight dwight That's aerosol spray. It's terrible for the environment. Andy andy Humans are terrible for the environment. Dwight dwight The thing I like most about Recyclops is that he's creating a different world for our child. Pam pam Mmm. Jim jim A world where you truly can be anything you want. Pam pam God bless you, Recyclops. And your cold robot heart. [Dwight throws an aluminum can towards the recycling bin and misses] Jim jim [seated] Ok. Ok. How 'bout this? [rises, waves, sits back down] Michael michael That's great. Pam pam I want it to be better than 'Great', Pam. How 'bout I remain seated... and I just do a little bit of a nod. Sort of a humble thing. [demonstrates] Michael michael Sure. Pam pam Nope. Then my face is down. They can't see my face. Michael michael And it looks like you're taking a dump. Meredith meredith Alan Brand is the CEO of the company, if title's important to you, has personally invited moi to go to New York to the shareholder's meeting and sit up on the stage with the board of directors. And at some point they are going to introduce me as the most successful branch manager that they have. And then Michael Scott turns and waves to the crowd... and the crowd goes wild. Michael michael [doing an announcer voice] Ladies and gentlemen from Scranton, Pennsylvania, please welcome Michael 'The Machine' Scott. [Michael waves, twirls and sits down] Andy andy Don't do the twirl. Pam pam Lose the twirl. Phyllis phyllis The twirl sucks. Dwight dwight Michael, I hated the twirl. Kevin kevin [still doing the voice & spinning in his chair] Hate the twirl! Andy andy Ok. Obviously I'm not going to do the twirl. I only did it because I nailed the wave. Michael michael Yeah, good. Don't do it. Phyllis phyllis I am not going to do the twirl. Alright? It's not even a twirl, it's a spin. I might do the spin. Michael michael The long term problem is bad investments that they need to dump. The short term problem is the company has no cash and there's no where to get it. Oscar oscar Ok, Oscar, I don't need the whole enchilada just the bullet points. Michael michael Those are the bullet points. Oscar oscar Well, could you condense it please? Michael michael That's as simple as I can make it. Oscar oscar Michael? The limo's here for you. Erin erin It's not a limo. It's a town car. Town cars are actually better, though. Better torque. Better handling. Michael michael He said limousine, so... Erin erin [at window in conference room] Check it out, guys. There's a limo down here. [everyone heads to the conference room] Michael, look. Oh, man. Kevin kevin They sent a limo. Michael michael Town cars suck. Town car is something that a company sends when they're in trouble. A limousine is something that a company sends when they have cause for celebration. And in this case I think we are celebrating me. Michael michael [everyone is rushing down the stairs to see the limo] Oh, wait. Wait. Wow. Wow! Oh, no way. Look at that. Michael michael What kind of mileage does this baby get? Dwight dwight It's like what high school kids take to prom on tv shows. Erin erin This is so typical of management to spend money on this. Ugh. Bunch of boobs. Oscar oscar Hate to break it to you Oscar but some of us like boobs. Michael michael Calves. Calves all the way. Dwight dwight I'm so jealous right now. Andy andy Hey, you know who you should be jealous of? Yourself. Because you're invited and you're invited and you're invited and you and you and you and you and you and you- Michael michael Car seats eight. Limo Driver limo-driver What? Michael michael The car seats eight. Limo Driver limo-driver The limo seats eight. Ok. Then Jim and Pam and Ryan plus a guest. Michael michael No thanks. {Jim} & {Pam} jim pam I'll use it when you're done. Ryan ryan [others start raising their hands to be picked] Mmm... whoa. Michael michael The Dunder Mifflin stock symbol is DMI. Do you know what that stands for? Dummies, morons and idiots. Because that's what you'd have to be to own it. And, as one of those idiots, I believe the board owes me answers. Oscar oscar [in the limo with Dwight, Andy and Oscar] I wish the windows weren't tinted so people could see us in here. Michael michael Hey, guys, do you think anyone might have had sex in here? Andy andy Definitely. Michael michael Smells like it. Dwight dwight Definitely. Look they got pillows. That. That's bigger than my bed. Michael michael Word. Dwight dwight Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Andy andy [the limo driver raises the divider window] Who's playing with the button? Michael michael Hey, Ryan. Could you start consolidating all our Rolodex information into Outlook? Jim jim Uh, it doesn't seem like there's much of a point if the company's going under. Ryan ryan But if the company doesn't go under then we'll finally have all our contacts in one program. Jim jim The company's probably going under, though. Ryan ryan Could go either way. Jim jim Seems like it's leaning one way. Ryan ryan Maybe we should just wait and find out. Jim jim Definitely. Ryan ryan Ok. Jim jim So should we wait to find out before we start doing all this stuff? Ryan ryan Nah. Might as well do it now. Jim jim Michael, what if somebody asks you a question at this meeting? Are you just gonna wave, or what? Andy andy I will have to answer. Michael michael I'll ask you a question. Dwight dwight Make it a softball. Something he can, like, crank out of the park. Andy andy Michael Scott you run the most profitable branch of Dunder Mifflin. How do you do it? Dwight dwight No, no. That's too hard. Say your name is Zamboni and then I will say, 'Well, we're sort of on thin ice.' [they all laugh] I won't say that. I'll something like that. Michael michael This is your big day. Come on. Andy andy Oh, my god. This is it. Michael michael Mr. Scott? Laurie laurie Yes. Michael michael I'm Laurie. Laurie laurie Oh, hi. Michael michael Thank you for joining us. Come with me. Laurie laurie Well, thank you and, and please call - continue to call me Mr. Scott. Michael michael Ok. If you just want to follow me I'll take you up to the lounge. Laurie laurie Well, I guess this is as far as I can take you guys. So - Michael michael Kay. Andy andy Good luck, Michael. Dwight dwight See you later. Michael michael [walking past bodyguards at the door] Officers. Thank you. Michael michael After you, Mr. Scott. Laurie laurie Thank you. Michael michael Michael. David Wallace david-wallace Hello. Michael michael So glad you could make it. David Wallace david-wallace Thank you. Michael michael How was the ride? David Wallace david-wallace Oh. It was awesome. Very, very sublime. Michael michael I'm glad. I want to introduce you to everyone. First we'll start with Alan Brand. Alan? CEO. Michael Scott, Branch manager, Scranton. David Wallace david-wallace It's nice to meet you, Michael. Alan alan It's nice to meet you, too. It's an honor and a privilege. Michael michael Seated, we have the former congressman, Chris O'Keefe. David Wallace david-wallace Ah. [bows] Your eminence. Michael michael For those of you with questions, please line up behind one of the four microphones that have been placed in the aisles. Registrar registrar Coming through. Che, che, che, che, che, che. [spots microphone and gets in line, sees an empty mic and attempts to get there first] Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. [a line appears from nowhere] Ah. Damn it. [ heads back to the original line which is now even longer] Wha- okay [grunts] Dwight dwight I was hoping to lob Michael his softball question early. I wanted to swing by the garment district, pick up a few crates of my shirts. I got a shirt guy. Dwight dwight Can you believe this? The money they spent on this convention hall. [finding a seat] Excuse me, miss. I just want to take the stupid board of directors by their necks. This is so simple. Oscar oscar Yeah. Well, you should do that. Get in line. Andy andy Oh, what a great idea and lose my job. No thank you. Oscar oscar Look, do you want to be able to tell your grandkids you stood up for yourself during the - America's biggest financial crisis? Andy andy How is he gonna have grandkids? Dwight dwight You guys ever protect the president? Michael michael No. Bodyguard bodyguard What about Madonna? Or Obama twins? Anybody famous? Michael michael Not supposed to talk about it. Nelly Furtado. Bodyguard bodyguard Alright, guys. You ready? Alan alan Rock and roll. [they walk into convention room and are booed by everyone] Michael michael Dunder Mifflin is still a strong company. We are poised to come through this more streamlined and profitable than ever. [boos from the crowd] Alan alan [to David] This is not as much fun as I thought it would be. Michael michael It was fun when we weren't on the brink of bankruptcy. David Wallace david-wallace [accidentally into his microphone] We're going bankrupt, you think? [angry jeering from the crowd] They are really angry. Michael michael The shareholders need to empower our leadership - Alan alan I'm just gonna run to the bathroom. Will you save my place? Woman In Line woman-in-line Sure. Man in line man-in-line No. You will not. Dwight dwight Excuse me? Woman In Line woman-in-line Oh, I'm sorry. Were you raised in a household with no consequences? Dwight dwight It'll just be a second. Woman In Line woman-in-line Oh. If onlys and justs were candies and nuts then every day would be Erntedankfest. Dwight dwight ... and we're confident. There are many things to be optimistic about in Dunder Mifflin's future and one of them is here with us today. Michael Scott, Scranton Branch manager. Alan alan [loudly applauds] Yes. Dwight dwight In these uncertain times, Michael has managed to maintain steady profits from his Scranton branch. We all thank you, Michael. [scattered applause] Another bright spot in the Dunder Mifflin landscape, our new waste pulp re-purposing plant in Milford. [applause] Alan alan Hey, Phyllis. Are you just getting back from lunch now? Jim jim Bob took me to Capello's. We got a little tipsy. Phyllis phyllis Ok. You shouldn't be telling me that stuff and also shouldn't be taking two hour lunches without telling me. Jim jim Oh, it's ok. Michael doesn't really care about these things. Phyllis phyllis I care about them and I'm just as much of a boss as Michael. [Stanley laughs] What's so funny? I'm a co-manager. Jim jim That doesn't make you a boss. Stanley stanley It's not like you can fire people or anything. Phyllis phyllis Well - who? How did you? Who, who told you this? Jim jim Ryan. Phyllis phyllis Can't say. Stanley stanley Sorry. Plastered. Phyllis phyllis Ok. Who else has heard the rumor that I am not as much in charge as Michael? [everyone raises there hands - including Pam] Jim jim Stuff gets around. I don't participate. Pam pam Who here heard it from Ryan? Jim jim Does an email count? Kevin kevin Yes. Jim jim Yeah. [everyone raises hands again] Kevin kevin I am just as much of a boss as Michael and I can do anything that Michael can do. Alright? Who here believes that I have as much power as Michael? [Pam, after a moment, is the only one who raises her hand] Jim jim I forgot I have to support him no matter what. Close one. Pam pam These questions are bush league. Oscar oscar You should get up and say something. You've got to be true to what's in there. [points to Oscar's heart] Don't be a wuss. Andy andy I've always been the guy who can rally other people to rebel. In high school I organized a walk out over standardized testing. Got over 500 students to just skip the SATs. At the last second I chickened out, took it anyway, got a 1220, always regretted it. I feel lachrymose . Andy andy [over the crowd booing] Believe me everyone is working very hard, working weekends, struggling, trying to right the ship. David Wallace david-wallace You're a criminal. Shareholder shareholder Hey, hey, hey. I'm sorry. These are not criminals. They are nice. They invited me to come here today. They invited me to their hospitality suite where I had free food and it was delicious. Get this. Know how nice they are? The sent a stretch limo all the way to pick me up in Scranton. That's - Michael michael Limousine? Female Shareholder shareholder Yes. Michael michael You're all corrupt. You should be in jail. [crowd agrees] Second Shareholder shareholder Quiet! Quiet, please! Please, quiet! Quiet, please. We want to hear your questions. Alan alan Do you love her or do you love the idea of her? Ryan ryan I don't know, man. I just don't know. Creed creed I gotta make an example out of him. Should I just fire him? Jim jim Can you actually fire people? Pam pam To be honest, I don't know, but maybe I could just yell at him in front of people. Jim jim Well, I can't really imagine you yelling at anyone. Pam pam Oh, well I yell. You've heard me yell. Jim jim Oh. Ok. I've heard you exclaim. Like the time you said, 'Hey, look. We parked over here!'. Pam pam Well, that was apple-picking day and there's no need to yell that day, you know. I was just excited to find the car. Perfect end to a perfect day. Jim jim Well, you'll figure it out. Pam pam Ok. We're gonna take a 15 minute break and then we're gonna answer more questions. Alan alan You haven't said anything yet and we're headed for bankruptcy. [crowd agrees] Third Shareholder shareholder [board of directors has started to exit] Yeah, well, that's not gonna happen. That's not gonna happen. We'll be back with some answers. [a few murmurs from the crowd of 'What answers?'] I - ok. I know that you're mad at me and you're mad at all them - Michael michael How are you gonna fix the company? Fourth Shareholder shareholder Ok. Alright. We are gonna - we're gonna go out there during this break and we are gonna come back with a plan. We're gonna come back with a plan for you. It's a 45 day plan. 45 days to get us back on track. [crowd starts to agree and perk up] 45 points. It's a 45 day/45 point. One point per day. We get the 45 points we are back in business. [crowd applauds] And you can take that to the bank. [applause continue] And Limo Lady, we are going completely carbon neutral. [crowd has gotten very excited and is cheering] I love you, New York! [Michael does the spin and leaves the stage - then runs back across the stage] You. You. Michael michael Hey, Ryan. How's it going? Jim jim [playing Tetris on his computer] Here's the thing. Um, I've tried it like five different ways in my head and - Oh, got one. Um, I'm such a perfectionist... Ryan ryan Mmm-hmm. Jim jim That I'd kinda rather not do it all then do a crappy version. Ryan ryan Simple data entry, though. So there's really only one way to do it. Jim jim Sounds like you have a really specific vision for it. Do you wanna maybe just take a whack at it? Ryan ryan You know what? Jim jim What? Ryan ryan I think I know the problem. Jim jim Great. Ryan ryan I think you seem distracted. Jim jim Yep, that is a problem. Ryan ryan But, you know what? I came up with something and I think it's really gonna help. Jim jim Well, I'm glad you're finally being proactive, Jim. Ryan ryan I am, too. Let me show you. Jim jim Wow. Things are really picking up. Michael michael What was that about? O'Keefe okeefe What? Michael michael You were supposed to wave. Alan alan I did wave. I did a lot more than wave. Michael michael What are we supposed to tell them now? Ok? You've dug us quite a hole. David Wallace david-wallace We tell them the plan, right? Michael michael There is no plan. David Wallace david-wallace Here's what we're gonna do. The 45 day thing that I outlined, we go with that. Day 45, company saved. Day 44, go. What do we got? We have 15 minutes. Michael michael Excuse me? O'Keefe okeefe Just whatever comes to mind. Shout it out. Michael michael Who the hell is this guy? O'Keefe okeefe I am the guy who roused that crowd. Michael michael Yes. David Wallace david-wallace Got them on their feet. Michael michael Yes. David Wallace david-wallace They were so happy down there. Michael michael Yes. David Wallace david-wallace Who cares? Alan alan Ok. Alright. Well, I know a guy. This Mexican guy. He is a math whiz. He knows economics as well as he knows bull fighting and I am going to call in a little favor. Michael michael No. No. No. No. No. No. Don't call anybody, Michael. David Wallace david-wallace Well, I'm texting him, so. Michael michael Please do not text anybody, now, Michael. David Wallace david-wallace It's done. [Oscar, sitting in the lobby, receives a text] Michael michael Oh. There he is. Come on in. Come on in. Gentleman, I would like you to meet Oscar. Come on in. Don't be shy. This is Oscar Martinez. Oscar, why don't you come over here. Let me present you. Step up. Step up there. Oscar is an accountant extraordinaire at the Scranton branch and he has a wonderful idea as to how to get us out of this murky, murky situation. Take it away. [Oscar stands there stunned] Michael michael I think this is really gonna help. If you could just hold up here one second. [addresses the whole office] Hey, guys. Quick announcement. If I could just have everyone's attention. [turns back to Ryan] I just figured you needed a place where you can concentrate and not be bothered by bothering people. Jim jim Mmm-hmm. Ryan ryan Let me show you what I mean. [Jim opens the closet door to reveal a work station] Your new office. How great is that, right? For a job well done. Well, not done. Jim jim I will, uh, I will do my work right now. I will stay late tonight. Ryan ryan Right. Jim jim Uh, I'm very sorry... about everything. Ryan ryan [laughs] You're a good kid. You know what? It gets bigger once you're in there. Enjoy it. [shuts the door and walks to his office] Jim jim [from behind the door] Is there internet? Ryan ryan Ummm... Oscar oscar Tell them what you told me. This is genius. Michael michael Ok Oscar oscar Tell them about the cash flow and the dumping of properties and - this is all - Michael michael Um.. Oscar oscar It's all good. It's all good stuff. Lay it on them. Michael michael I feel, as does Mr. Scott, that we are in the best of hands. Capable hands. Oscar oscar That wasn't what you were saying to me. He was much more articulate and that was better. Much better. Michael michael I think this has gone very well and I thank you. Oscar oscar O-kay. Oh... hey, hey. [follows Oscar into the hall] What are you doing? Michael michael Michael, I didn't ask to come up here. Oscar oscar Wow, man. That - Michael michael What? Oscar oscar That was embarrassing. Michael michael For me. Oscar oscar For me, too. You embarrassed me. Michael michael You -[Oscar walks away, Michael goes back in the room] Oscar oscar Well, that was a waste of a text. Let's get down to brass tacks. I think that we might be in trouble. We don't seem to have a plan so I'm thinking I go down there. Maybe rattle off a few jokes. Congressman could follow. Michael michael He's our best manager? Where's the off button on this moron? O'Keefe okeefe Uh, I'm not a moron. Time after time my branch leads in sales. I have personally won over 17 Dundie awards. So, I am not a moron and I am just trying to help, you know? So... you're the moron. Michael michael [zipping through the hall while texting] Michael michael Yes it is a thrill to be honored by one's company. To have the people that you work for stop for a minute and say, 'Wow. Great job.' That is what it is all about. Not the perks. Perks? The perks. I could take or leave the perks. Limos are for people who make the company money not lose millions and have no plan. So we're leaving early. After all, we are the only ones with anything to celebrate. Michael michael He can take the bus. He's had his limo ride. O'Keefe okeefe [running out of the building with Oscar, Andy, and Dwight] Oscar! Oscar! Come on! There he is! There he is! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Scranton! Scranton! Scranton! Dunder Mifflin! Michael michael The gentleman in the, uh, glasses. Alan alan Dwight Schrute, Scranton branch. I just want to say that I have been standing in this line all day and if this line is any indication of how this company is being run then we are in big trouble. [cheers from crowd] Thank you. Right. I know. And I just want to say that I believe that there are options out there. [crowd still applauding] A take a number option like they have in a deli. What about line varieties? Like an express line for quick comments of ten words or less. They can move much more efficiently. What about ropes along the lines that you can hold on to. Dwight dwight Thank you. Thank you for your suggestions. Alan alan Yeah. Dwight dwight