This year I decided to really get into the spirit of Halloween. Dwight dwight [screaming upon seeing pumpkin-headed Dwight] Erin erin [screaming then laughing] It may have been the costliest decision I've ever made. Dwight dwight My greased up head went into the pumpkin no problem, but ... Dwight dwight It won't budge. Jim jim I can't get it out. Try again! Dwight dwight I mean, I could try destroying the pumpkin... Dwight dwight [as Jim approaches with a knife] Jim, no. No. No! No! Dwight dwight But as Jim and I discovered... No! ... any blow to the pumpkin itself could prove fatal to me. Dwight dwight At first I drove myself crazy thinking about the things I should have done differently. I never should have played that joke on Erin. I never should have hollowed out this damn pumpkin in the first place. Then I realized that I was being silly. I mean the pumpkin should rot off of my head in a month or two. Right? Dwight dwight Hey guys. Erin erin Hey. Pam pam Pam, what are you? Erin erin I am Dr. Cinderella. Pam pam Cece's really into princesses now. So we decided to turn them into a positive female role models. Jim jim I'm an oncologist and you are a dog. Pam pam No, I'm a puppy. Dang it! I was worried that would happen. Erin erin It's Okay. Jim jim Uh, Jim, you're not dressed up at all. Erin erin Sure I am. I am... one of the Men in Black guys. [to Pam, under his breath] Can I have your sunglasses? Jim jim Jim, come on. I thought we were past this. Erin erin So the sports marketing business that Jim told everyone about except for me? Pam pam There's a big investment lunch today, so I decided to skip the costume. Jim jim Unless he has a secret costume that he told everyone about except for me. Pam pam Gettin' a lot of mileage out of this, aren't ya? Jim jim Yeah, well, get used to it, bud. Pam pam A jitterbug. [giggles] You guys look great! Just a reminder. The party is right after lunch, so make sure you get all your work done before that or throw it out. Any questions? Andy andy The senator will be joining us later. Angela angela Not a question. Andy andy No, it wasn't. Angela angela Excellent. That reminds me, has anyone seen Treble? Anyone? I could have sworn I saw some Treble somewhere. Andy andy [singing] Here Comes Treble here-comes-treble Oh, ladies and gentlemen, Here Comes Treble! Andy andy [sings Karma Chameleon] Here Comes Treble here-comes-treble Aaah! [everyone clapping] So good! Andy andy What lab did these little clones escape from? Dwight dwight My Cornell a capella group. Andy andy You were in an a capella group? Pam pam You went to Cornell? Darryl darryl Yah! ah. Okay. Ha ha ha ha. But you have no idea how lucky you are because HCT is doing a set at our halloween party. Andy andy Ugh. I don't want to sit through a whole concert of that. Stanley stanley I do. I love the boss's interests. Clark clark Atta boy Clark! Andy andy Where you boys stayin? How does it work in the rooms? Do you get a privacy partition? Meredith meredith No. Nope. Nope nope nope. Stay away. Andy andy You know what I just realized? They might actually call me up to solo on George Michael's Faith. That was one of my signature songs. Oh, man. That would be insane. I'm so not prepared. Andy andy Are you sure you're okay with me putting in this much money. Jim jim Yeah. I mean, listen if we're gonna do this thing, we should do it right. Pam pam You're the best. Jim jim I kind of am. It's crazy. Pam pam Okay. I'll see you in a little bit. Jim jim Okay. Pam pam Jim. Look I'm eating you. Dwight dwight Shut up. Jim jim Ha ha. Hey Erin, look, these are Nerds. I'm eating Jims. Dwight dwight [laughs] Erin erin [laughing] Must eat more Jims. Oink oink oink oink. Dwight dwight [laughing hysterically] Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Erin erin Oh no, I'm spilling Jim all over the carpet. [laughing] Dwight dwight Stop it stop it stop it stop it! Erin erin [picking up spilled candy] Hello little pill. What do you do? Dwight dwight Dumatril is licensed to treat anxiety symptoms, such as panic attacks, excessive worrying, and fear. Translation: There's a madman in our midst. Dwight dwight Okay I give up. What are you? Pam pam I'm sexy Toby. Nellie nellie [laughing] Gross. I love it. Pam pam Dumatril! Dwight dwight Something wrong Dwight? Nellie nellie Dumatril. Dwight dwight Yes? Nellie nellie This is a pill that I found here in the office. But it's not for worms or eczema like any normal pill. It's not for any disorder of the body. [whispering] It's for a disorder of the mind. Dwight dwight The mind is part of the body. Nellie nellie Okay, this is a pill that combats insanity, okay? Whoever is taking it is not only insane... [whispering] They are now off their meds. Dwight dwight Dwight, our co-workers' health issues are really none of our business so- Nellie nellie Why are you trying so hard to bury this thing, huh? What's going on Nellie? Talk to me. Dwight dwight Hm? Nellie nellie It's my pill. I have an anxiety issue and I'm not ashamed of that, But I'm not loving the idea of Dwight having that information. I once saw him yell at Phyllis for sneezing wrong. Nellie nellie Yeah, you're right. This man needs to be apprehended. Nellie nellie I'll get my apprehension kit. Dwight dwight Ruh duh duh da dudes! What's up? Andy andy [mumbled responses] Here Comes Treble here-comes-treble I know that it's pathetic to re-live your college years, but cut me some slack, Okay? Because I was a freaking rock star in college. When I joined Here Comes Treble, that's when I became somebody. When I got the nickname "Boner Champ," that is when I became me. Andy andy You didn't come here to sit in a room, right? You came here for some intergenerational bro time. Well, now's your chance! I'm here. You got Qs; I got As. Andy andy Did you say you've got AIDS? HCT Member #1 hct-member No, I don't have AIDS. That's not what I said. Next question. Andy andy [awkward silence] None none You don't have any- Any questions about the old days? [clears throat] You at least want to know why they call me Boner Champ? Andy andy I thought Broccoli Rob was the Boner Champ. HCT Member #2 hct-member I'm sorry, what? Andy andy I just thought Broccoli Rob was the Boner Champ. HCT Member #2 hct-member Broccoli Rob was Broccoli Rob. Andy Bernard is the Boner Champ. Andy andy I didn't realize that everybody here dresses up every year. Pete pete Me neither. Creed creed It's Halloween. That is really, really good timing. Creed creed I was just talking to some of the actives, and they think that you're Boner Champ. Andy andy [on computer monitor] I'm so sorry! I don't know how that could have happened. Broccoli Rob broccoli-rob Did you maybe tell them that or...? Andy andy I just- I just started yappin' about the old days, and I guess the wine coolers were flowing, and, you know, somehow things just got hinky. Broccoli Rob broccoli-rob Could you just call them and tell them the truth? 'Cause I know it's really stupid, but it's also really, really, really important. Andy andy Will do. I love you, Andy. Broccoli Rob broccoli-rob Love you too. Andy andy So the workspace looks awesome. Businessman #1 businessman Wow. Jim jim And the graphic designer is going to be sending in some of the logo treatments. I can't wait to see them. Businessman #2 businessman You guys rock. [round of fistbumps] Businessman #3 businessman I killed it. Businessman #1 businessman I've also been running the numbers and between our backers and our own investments, we're looking great for a full year on this. Businessman #2 businessman Oh, uh, is it too late to get in? Jim jim Oh Jim, I explained everything. So you're all set. Businessman #3 businessman Oh, I actually talked to my wife and we'd really like to uh you know, invest - get in on the ground floor. Jim jim Wow, well what level of investment were you thinking about? Businessman #2 businessman We were thinking somewhere between five - ten thousand? I can do the full ten thousand. We should just - [blows air] - all in. Jim jim Welcome aboard! Businessman #3 businessman All right. [laughs] Awesome. Cool. Jim jim Hi Daryl. I'm just here to smear some peanut butter on my forehead. Dwight dwight You know, to uh, to protect his brain from the nanobots that the government put in the air conditioning. Nellie nellie That makes sense to you, right? Or does it sound... crazy? Dwight dwight I can't really picture it. Can you... get it on there. Yeah. And maybe, get the cheeks. Darryl darryl So this makes sense then. Or is it crazy? Dwight dwight Get under your chin first. Yeah. Darryl darryl Is that where the nanobots like to come in? Dwight dwight Take it all the way up to your lip, yeah. Darryl darryl Is that how they like to get in? Dwight dwight Yeah, that's crazy. Darryl darryl [whispering] I don't know. I just don't know. Dwight dwight Yo! Bad boys of a capella. Andy andy [mumbling] Hey. Here Comes Treble here-comes-treble Heard any good stories lately? Or new twists on old stories? Andy andy Yeah, I got a call from Broccoli Rob. I guess you really are the Boner Champ. HCT Member #3 hct-member Did he tell you how I got the name? Andy andy No. HCT Member #3 hct-member Spring sing '95. Got completely ripped on Bud Dries. I had sex with a snowman. I just went at that thing. Cold would have stopped most people but I stayed locked in, you know. Took the face off. It just seemed easier that way. Andy andy And I told Phyllis not to put it out, but she insisted. So, anyway... Hi! Oh, Oscar, remember my husband, the senator? Angela angela Senator Lipton, nice to see you. Oscar oscar Nice to see you Oscar. Senator Lipton senator-lipton Wait a second, who designed this spread? The sweets and savories are all mixed together. This is mayhem! Angela angela So Oscar, you're a dinosaur. Senator Lipton senator-lipton Actually I'm the electoral college. Oscar oscar Ouch! Right on target. Senator Lipton senator-lipton You know what? This is outrageous. I have to find Phyllis. You two talk, okay? Sorry babe.. Phyllis! Angela angela God, it's just so good to see you. Senator Lipton senator-lipton I, uh, huh, just [chuckles nervously] Oscar oscar All having this wonderful Halloween gathering. Excuse me, is that punch? Senator Lipton senator-lipton They didn't know about the snowman story, and when I told 'em, they were not impressed. Andy andy What is with these turkeys? Erin erin Right? Andy andy Hey! You better do 'Faith.' You get me? Erin erin We don't know it. HCT Member #3 hct-member So learn it. You all go to Cornell, you're like eight Rain men. Just learning the friggin' song. Erin erin Look, I know it was big with the old guys, but- HCT Member #3 hct-member Buts... are for pooping. Okay? Make it work. You have to or Andy will flip out... And make it a surprise, please. [to Pete] This isn't stupid. Erin erin What? Pete pete Hey. Toby toby Hey. Dwight dwight Hey Toby. Nellie nellie Are... are you me? Toby toby Yes. Nellie nellie Oh my goodness, look. Look at this. Toby toby Yeah. I... Nellie nellie [unintelligible mumbling] Toby toby Yes. I thought I'd you know, be you. Nellie nellie Look at.. Look at me. [laughs] Toby toby [laughing] It's funny right? [Toby starts to lean in for a kiss, then runs away] Nellie nellie All right. All right, just ...stay focused on the pill. Dwight dwight Okay, look Dwight, let's just call this thing off. I mean, it's just an anxiety pill. Lots of people have anxiety. Nellie nellie You think I don't have anxiety? I have anxiety all the time. Every waking moment of my life is sheer torture. I have land disputes I've got to settle and idiot cousins to protect. And ne'er- do- well siblings to take care of. But I don't need some stupid pill to get me through all this. Dwight dwight Cool. Free upper. Meredith meredith Ah ha! Ha!!! The jig is up, psychopath! Ah yeah! Gotcha! Dwight dwight Don't dog catch me! Meredith meredith Gotcha! Yeah! Let's see ya get out of this web, huh? Dwight dwight Let me out! Meredith meredith The pill is mine. Nellie nellie What? Dwight dwight Get her out. Nellie nellie Oh. Dwight dwight Stop baggin' my head! Meredith meredith Oh Dwight, look, its just a pill, all right? It's for anxiety. I take it every day. And it makes me feel better. And maybe it could help you too. Nellie nellie Hey, how'd it go? Pam pam Oh man, it was great. They were great. Jim jim Did you end up investing? Pam pam I did, yeah. Jim jim How much? Pam pam Uh, man, by the end I guess it was about... ten... Jim jim About ten? Pam pam Ten. It was the full ten. Jim jim Wow. Pam pam Yeah. Jim jim Wow. Pam pam Yeah. Yeah. It's a good thing we talked about it though, because we had to... Jim jim No yeah. Yeah. Pam pam Yeah. Jim jim So did everybody ... Pam pam What is it? Jim jim Did everybody end up investing ten thousand? Pam pam Um, oh man, I don't actually know. Jim jim What? Pam pam They weren't really talking that much about money. They just said, We're good with investing and then I...and I... Jim jim Ladies and gentlemen, Here Comes Treble! Andy andy [vocalizing] Here Comes Treble here-comes-treble They said they were done with the investing and then you volunteered ten thousand dollars? Pam pam No, no, I had to. Look, I needed to look like a team player, Pam. Jim jim So you invested ten thousand dollars to look like a team player? Pam pam You weren't there. Jim jim [singing 'I'll Be'] Here Comes Treble here-comes-treble It was very clear that ten thousand was what we had...we should talk about it later. Jim jim [singing 'I'll Be' directly to Pam] Here Comes Treble here-comes-treble Talk about it now. Pam pam Pam. Jim jim Jim, that was most of our savings. Pam pam [still singing] Here Comes Treble here-comes-treble Wait! Wait. Hold on. Where's the band? 'Cause there's just no way you guys are making this magic with just your mouths. Clark clark Yeah. That's what she said. Creed creed What, am I overdoing it? No. No. Clark clark [singing] Here Comes Treble here-comes-treble We said some. We said 'some.' Pam pam We'll talk about it later. Jim jim [singing] Here Comes Treble here-comes-treble We said part not all. Pam pam [singing 'Car Wash'] Here Comes Treble here-comes-treble Yes! All right! Clark clark Oh Man! [clapping] Andy andy That's how you do that! Whoo! Clark clark Thank you. Here Comes Treble here-comes-treble Show some pride. This is crap. Stanley stanley I agree. Yes, crap. Continue. Dwight dwight Now folks, by special request, we're going to take it a little old school. There is a former Trebler in this room. HCT Member #3 hct-member Who? Darryl darryl It's Mr. Andy Bernard! HCT Member #3 hct-member [clapping] All all [singing 'Faith'] Here Comes Treble here-comes-treble No. Do not sing that. Do not... Oh man... Andy andy He reminded us today of how much he means to us. And we certainly seem to mean a lot to him, so without any further ado, here's an old Treble classic. HCT Member #3 hct-member [singing 'Faith'] Here Comes Treble here-comes-treble [on flat screen tv] [singing lead of Faith] Broccoli Rob broccoli-rob Whoa! Whoa! What the hell is Broccoli Rob doing here? Andy andy She said you wanted to hear 'Faith'. That's Broccoli Rob's signature song. HCT Member #3 hct-member That's my signature song. Andy andy I really didn't know that man. I just thought you wanted to hear it. HCT Member #3 hct-member Russell, I'm dressed like George Michael. Andy andy I thought you were Adam Lambert. HCT Member #3 hct-member Wha...? Andy andy The more I hear about all this a capella drama, the more I think it's kind of pathetic. But when you're with someone, you put up with the stuff that makes you lose respect for them, and that is love. Erin erin Are you okay? Erin erin [on screen] He's still mad. Broccoli Rob broccoli-rob Shut up, Broccoli. Andy andy Champ, I feel awful about this whole thing. Russell called me up. And they said they needed 20 cc's of George Michael stat. So just... Wham! I sprang into action. You know me. I assumed you wanted to hear me do your signature number. Broccoli Rob broccoli-rob You thought I wanted to sit in the audience like some slutty Treb rat? A man's signature solo is his for life, okay? That's group policy and you know it. Andy andy Look, it's not my fault that I still live near campus, and it's my duty as an alum to be friendly to the young guys., and stop in two, three times a week. Broccoli Rob broccoli-rob Just don't do the song anymore. Andy andy I tell you what, we'll have a sing-off for it. You pick twelve alums from any year to back you up and I'll do the same, and I'm so confident that I'll win, I won't even warm up. Broccoli Rob broccoli-rob Fine, go ahead. Thrash your pipes. Andy andy My pipes are primo, Champ. Why don't you ask Trey Anastasio about my pipes? Broccoli Rob broccoli-rob I knew you would go there, you son of a bitch! Andy andy He said, and I quote, 'Hey Rob, nice pipes'. That happened! Broccoli Rob broccoli-rob OK, fine, yeah. that's one guy's opinion! Andy andy That's real. 'That'll never change! Broccoli Rob broccoli-rob Okay! Erin erin Doesn't mean you're the best singer ever. Dick. Andy andy I thought that concert was pretty great. Jim jim Oh yeah. I decided that acapelca music is awesome. Kevin kevin They lost me when they sang 'Monster Mash'. That song obviously glorifies the occult. Angela angela Angela, it's Halloween. You have to sing 'Monster Mash'. Jim jim Oh you have to Jim? You literally have to? Pam pam Uh... Jim jim No I'm just, I'm saying, what would happen if they didn't sing it? Would they go to jail? Would they be shot? Pam pam Okay. We'll, just forget it. Jim jim No! No, I'm interested. I mean I think everybody's interested in why they have to sing it. Pam pam Because it is Halloween. So if you're going to sing a concert, it's a good idea to throw that one in. Jim jim Yeah, yeah, no, no. It's a good idea to brush your teeth. But you have to um, feed your children. Send them to school. You know, all things you can't do if you just keep singing 'Monster Mash.' Pam pam It turns out, that Pam? Really, really hates 'Monster Mash.' I mean like, never bring that song up in front of her. Even though Jim was making great points, like, in favor of the song, Pam was like, No! Hate it! Stupid! Kevin kevin This is all so silly right? What am I gonna do? Move back to Cornell? Andy andy [laughing] Yeah. Erin erin I mean, what if we did that? Like we got jobs and we were happy all the time? Andy andy Oh well, Andy, we're not moving to Cornell. Erin erin Duh. I know. That would be insane. Andy andy Yeah. Erin erin It could totally work though. I don't know why we wouldn't. Oh my god are we doing this? Andy andy Oy. Andy, what's going on? Erin erin If I am not Boner Champ, I don't know who I am. Andy andy Well, um, you know maybe you're the wise old guy that the new uh, B-O-N-E-R champ looks up to. You know, you could just- Erin erin Make a donation. Andy andy Well, I was gonna say, be a mentor. Erin erin Yes. I am gonna make a donation. And it just so happens that I know someone who works at the Bernard Family Foundation. Her name is mom. Andy andy Oh. Erin erin [whispering] I want some of those pills. Dwight dwight Oh, well good for you. I mean, you'll need a prescription. Nellie nellie Oh, no. No, no, no. no. They're not for me. They're for my cousin Mose. He's just having a tough time, being wifeless, and a high pressure job and his crazy cousin Mose. Other cousin Mose. Dwight dwight Mm. Got it. Well, you tell Mose that he's a good man and that I hope he feels better. Nellie nellie Which one? Mose or the real Mose? Dwight dwight The real Mose. Nellie nellie He says Thank you. Dwight dwight [on phone] Mom, I had this really charitable idea to set up this scholarship for a capella kids at Cornell and just need to wire some money over there. [pause] What? Andy andy [HTC singing Cornell Alma Mater] None none What's wrong? Erin erin My parents are broke. Andy andy