Here are our final actual costs for this year. Oscar oscar Mmm... okay. Michael michael As you can see, we did pretty well, so... Oscar oscar Yes. Yes, I can see... that we did indeed. Why don't you explain this to me like I am an eight-year old. Michael michael Alright, well this is the overall budget for this fiscal year along the x-axis... Oscar oscar Yes. Michael michael Right there. Oscar oscar There's the x-ax...icks. Michael michael You can see clearly on this page that we have a surplus of $4300. Oscar oscar Mmhmm, okay. Michael michael But we have to spend that by the end of the day or it will be deducted from next year's budget. Oscar oscar Why don't you explain this to me like I'm five. Michael michael Your mommy and daddy give you ten dollars to open up a lemonade stand. So you go out and you buy cups and you buy lemons and you buy sugar. And now you find out that it only costs you nine dollars. Oscar oscar Ho-oh! Michael michael So you have an extra dollar. Oscar oscar Yeah. Michael michael So you can give that dollar back to mommy and daddy, but guess what? Next summer... Oscar oscar I'll be six. Michael michael And you ask them for money, they're gonna give you nine dollars. 'Cause that's what they think it costs to run the stand. So what you want to do is spend that dollar on something now, so that your parents think it costs ten dollars to run the lemonade stand. Oscar oscar So the dollar's a surplus. This is a surplus. Michael michael We have to spend that $4300 by the end of the day or it'll be deducted from next year's budget. Oscar oscar [whistles poorly] Whoo. Michael michael We should spend this money on a new copier, which we desperately need. Oscar oscar Okay, break it down in terms of, um... okay, I-I think I'm getting you... Michael michael Guess what, everybody? Christmas has come early this year. Oscar, very smartly, has discovered an extra $4300 in the budget. Thank you, Oscar. And I have decided with that money I am going to buy a new, drum roll please... [imitates drum roll] Can anybody guess? Michael michael New chairs? Pam pam No, a new copier! [only Oscar applauds] Unless everybody can agree on something better? Michael michael No, no, please. Please do not do this. Oscar oscar Yes, Michael, new chairs. These chairs are terrible. We were supposed to get new ones last year. Pam pam So... we all agree to get new chairs then. Good? Michael michael [over indistinct conversation] Good? Yeah, he said good, I'm good... Pam pam Now listen, we are a paper company. How can we take pride in our jobs if we have to put our fine paper in this wretched machine? Oscar oscar Oscar, no. This is not the time for one of your principled stands. Pam pam Pam, you make more copies than anyone. Oscar oscar Exactly. That should tell you how terrible the chairs are. Pam pam Okay. Okay, good suggestions. All good suggestions. Uh, let's just decide and agree upon one. Michael michael I'm with Pam. Chairs. Stanley stanley Alright, so, teams forming. Michael michael We should really have the office's air quality tested. We have radon coming from below, we have asbestos in the ceilings. These are silent killers. Toby toby You are the silent killer. Go back to the annex. Michael michael You'll see. Toby toby Michael? Pam pam Yes. Michael michael I've talked to Meredith, Stanley and Jim about the chairs. I know they're with me on this. Pam pam Uh, actually, I'm gonna go with copier. Jim jim What? Jim. Pam pam Ever since Pam and I started dating, I just feel weird asking her to make copies for me. So, I make my own copies. And that copier sucks. Let me tell you, I-But you know what? Pam and I don't have to agree on everything. Jim jim Jim, good for you, standing up to Pam like that. Meredith meredith The balls on you, man. Creed creed So Michael, what do you think? Oscar oscar Why me? Michael michael You have to make the decision. Jim jim Wow, okay. Well... I swallowed all your ideas, I'm going to digest them and see what comes out the other end. Michael michael Dwight, I'm a little concerned about some of these directions to Schrute Farms... Andy andy Yeah, do tell. Dwight dwight I mean, like, "156 paces from the light red mailbox, make a left." Andy andy Mmhmm. Dwight dwight "Walk until you hear the beehive." Andy andy How could it be more clear? Dwight dwight I think Andy makes an excellent point. Angela angela Okay. Dwight dwight But my biggest concern is that there's only one bathroom. Angela angela We'll dig a trench. As long as it's downhill from the well, we should be fine. Dwight dwight Nana Mimi cannot squat over some trench. Angela angela Well we're not gonna put out stumps, come on. Dwight dwight Let's three-way this little issue, and come to a solution by the time we get to Schrute Farms, how's that for a plan? Andy andy We're getting married at Schrute Farms, no matter what. I have looked at twelve venues, I have lost eight deposits, and I have seen Angela naked zero times. I am not losing another deposit. Andy andy Hey. Pam pam Hey. Jim jim So um, I've been thinking about this whole chair/copier thing... Pam pam Mmhmm. Jim jim I really think you should reconsider. Pam pam Oh, Pam, I really... hate that copier. Jim jim Yeah, I know. Pam pam Yeah. Jim jim But I really think you should reconsider. Pam pam Beesly, are you threatening me? Jim jim Jim. Jim, Jim, Jim. I'm not threatening you. I love you. [whispers] But you should know, you're on very dangerous ground [kisses Jim]. [at normal volume] All right. Pam pam Okay. Jim jim [shudders] Whew. Jim jim This is where you'll have your receiving line. Of course we'll clear out all the livestock and hay and such. Dwight dwight Hmm... mm, what's that smell? Andy andy You're gonna need to be more specific. Dwight dwight Manure. Get rid of it. Angela angela Manure covers up the small of the slaughterhouse. Dwight dwight Do you have to slaughter on our wedding day? Angela angela You wanna eat, don't you? Dwight dwight Honey, say something! Angela angela Uh, Dwight, if we pay extra, could you slaughter the entrees the day before? Andy andy ...I'll consider it. Dwight dwight See? That's how you do it! Makin' progress here. [steps in manure, trying to laugh it off] ...Darn! Heh. Andy andy There's a hose out back. Dwight dwight Okay. Andy andy Remember, you were gonna get a new chair, and you were gonna give your old chair to me. Remember that? Pam pam Yes. Michael michael Well that never happened. Pam pam Michael? Oscar oscar I don't know. I haven't decided yet. Michael michael I'm just gonna grab some lunch. You wanna come with? Oscar oscar Really? Absolutely! Yeah, that would be amazing. Michael michael Woah, you guys going to lunch? Jim jim Yes. Michael michael Mind if I join? Jim jim Ohh, God! Michael michael All right. Jim jim Yeah! Michael michael Let's go. Jim jim Best lunch ever! Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo! Michael michael Let's do it. Jim jim All right! Cool! Michael michael Where we going? Jim jim I have no idea. Michael michael So, I guess that's how they're gonna play this. It is on. [very serious] It is so on. Pam pam Look, I really need this new chair. I mean, seriously, how is it possible that in five years I've had two engagement rings, and only one chair? Pam pam [laughing uproariously with Michael and Jim] Stop it! Michael. Oscar oscar Michael, that is hilarious. Jim jim [through the laughter] Oh, is somebody making fun of me? Michael michael The best. Great friends. Thank you, Michael. [all three are still laughing] Oscar oscar Ahh... I got you some tiramisu. No hard feelings. Jim jim Aww. Pam pam Yeah. Jim jim That's cool. [opens the container and smells the tiramisu] Mm, good stuff. [throws it in the garbage] Pam pam You look really pretty. Jim jim Thank you. [goes to Michael's office and knocks on the door] Pam pam Yeah. Michael michael Michael? Pam pam Yeah? Michael michael Hey! Pam pam Oh, hey. Michael michael You got a second? Pam pam I do. Michael michael Oh, good. Pam pam Oh, that must've been so fun. Pam pam it was fun. We had a good time. Michael michael Hey, have I told you you look really nice today? Pam pam Oh, thank you. Michael michael Yeah, is that a new tie? Pam pam Um, no, not... no. No, I got it at TJ Maxx, four dollars. Michael michael That is amazing! Pam pam You think that's good? Check out these pants. Nine dollars. Michael michael What? Pam pam Nine dollars. The boys' department. Michael michael No. Pam pam Look at the ass. Check out the ass. Michael michael [applauding] No way! Pam pam Look at that. [begins dancing] Unh. Unh-unh. Michael michael Yeah! Oh, so I guess Oscar and Jim were talking your ear off about the new copier. Pam pam Yes they were. Michael michael Yeah. Pam pam They were. Michael michael Here's what I was thinking: Pam pam Have you made a decision on the butter sculpture? Dwight dwight No. I haven't thought of it. Angela angela Okay. Cow, goat or sheep. It's not that hard. Dwight dwight I would like cat. Angela angela Cats don't make butter. Dwight dwight I would like cow butter sculpture of a cat. Angela angela It doesn't make any sense. Dwight dwight Yes it does! Angela angela Okay, guys! Andy andy I want a butter sculpture of a cat! Angela angela Cow, goat or sheep. Dwight dwight What is this? All right, we're all on the same team. Is it- [steps in manure] Damn! Why is that in the kitchen?! Andy andy [Pam is making copies and is struggling with the machine] You might want to consider changing teams, because we would-we would love to have you. Jim jim No, copier's great. Pam pam Yeah? Jim jim Yeah. I have my copies. [holds up messed up copies] Pam pam There they are. Jim jim And I have my original. [holds up original paper, ripped in half] Pam pam You got it. Jim jim So suck it. Pam pam Okay. Jim jim Okay. Michael michael Michael, I got you a hot chocolate. I hope that's okay. Kevin kevin Oh, thank you my dear. Michael michael Wait, Michael! Let me open the door for you. Kelly kelly Oh, well, chivalry is not dead after all. Okay... Michael michael There he is! Stanley stanley There he is! Hello, hello! Michael michael Hello. Phyllis phyllis Hello! Good to see you! Good to see you. Michael michael Oh! Jim jim Mm! [gives Jim a high five] Yeah! Michael michael There's that ass! Pam pam Hey hey! Yeah! Unh! Michael michael Woo! Yeah. Aw, don't take it away! Pam pam Oh... ah, I almost choked. Michael michael Here's another place. Dwight dwight It's beautiful. Angela angela Hey-o! Andy andy So... why don't we try this out, we'll see what would happen. Give it a little test drive, what do you say? You pretend to be Angela's father, you will play Angela, and uh, I will pretend to be you. That way you can see what it looks like when you're up here. Dwight dwight [whistling Pachelbel's "Canon in D;" switches to singing then back to whistling] Andy andy [to minister] Hello, I'm Angela Martin, and- Angela angela I'm Andy. Andy andy I work with Dwight. Angela angela He doesn't understand a word you're saying. Dwight dwight What? Andy andy Although born just minutes from here, he speaks only German. Closed society. So, now, after the readings by all of your sisters, we will arrive at the vows. So, Konrad... [speaks German to minister; minister begins speaking in German] And away we go. This is a little taste of the ceremony, if you will. He's explaining why we're here, what we're doing here, making introductions, blah blah blah... Then he's gonna have Andy repeat a bunch of stuff. He's gonna ask Andy to produce a ring. I have uh, now just uh... just some twine for our purposes, and you will put the ring on her finger. Yadda yadda, then he's going to ask Andy, uh, if he would like to marry Angela. And you will reply, "I do." [Andy mouths, "I do" silently] And then he's going to ask Angela if she would like to marry Andy, to which you will reply... Dwight dwight I do. Angela angela And there we go. Okay, and that's just about it. Man and wife. Dwight dwight Got a call about a problem up here. Hank hank Did somebody call Hank? Pam pam Hank, thank God you're here. The office is at a crossroads. Michael michael So, there's no security problem? You know, I hustled up the stairs. Hank hank Yes. I need your sage advice. And everyone, whatever Hank decides, that is the decision. That will resolve this issue. [Hank takes some jellybeans from Pam's jar] Yeah, take as many as you want. Michael michael Thank you. Thank you. You know, it's nice and warm up here. Hank hank Yes. Michael michael So what are we talking about? Hank hank Okay. Well, we have a surplus. Imagine that your parents give you money for a lemonade stand- Michael michael I know what a surplus is. Hank hank Oh, okay. Good. Good. Well, here's the thing. Some people want to use the surplus to buy a new copier. Other people are complaining about the chairs. Michael michael Is that the copier? Hank hank It is, yes. Michael michael [inspects the copier] Hmm. Hank hank What? Michael michael I was just thinking. Let me see a chair. Hank hank Okay. Michael michael You can try mine. Pam pam Oh, there we go. Michael michael Hmm, not much lumbar support. Hank hank Now everyone, bear in mind once again that whatever Hank says goes. He is an impartial third party. Michael michael On the one hand, this copier is very old. You should see some of the new copiers they have. You would not believe what they do. Hank hank So, the copier. Michael michael Well, let me finish. Hank hank All right, yes. Michael michael Now the chairs. The chairs are very weak. Very weak chairs. I could not sit all day in this chair. Hank hank Well, what should I do? Michael michael ...Let me see the copier again. Hank hank All right, get out. Get out. Michael michael Dwight, I thought I knew what I wanted. And then, being here with you and the German Mennonite minister... it just all felt right. I made a mistake picking Andy. Angela angela I know you did. And that's why I have taken care of everything. Dwight dwight What do you mean? Angela angela Well Monkey, he's a real minister. And you said, "I do." And I said, "I do." And Andy wasn't signing a receipt; he was signing our marriage certificate as a witness. Dwight dwight Dwight! That doesn't count! Angela angela Yes, of course it does. Dwight dwight No, it doesn't! Angela angela It does in the state of Pennsylvania. Dwight dwight I didn't- Angela angela Haha, Mrs. Schrute. Dwight dwight We are not married. Angela angela Wha... Dwight dwight Take this thing. [takes off twine ring] Angela angela My... It's not my fault you don't understand German; I've been telling you to take it for years! Dwight dwight Are we, uh... are we leaving or what? [Mose hits Andy in the head with a deflated ball] Ow! Andy andy [on speakerphone] Michael. David Wallace david-wallace Hey David- [begins coughing violently] I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm eating tiramisu. Some of the chocolate powder just went down my throat. I'm stopping now. Michael michael Is this why you're calling me? David Wallace david-wallace No, no, no, no, no. No. I'm calling- [coughs again] I'm sorry. Michael michael Okay. David Wallace david-wallace Mm. I'm calling because, um, we have a stupid budget surplus, and people-everybody wants something different. Michael michael You want me to weigh in on a minor budget issue? David Wallace david-wallace No, no, no. I want you to make the decision so I'm not the bad guy. Michael michael Well if I were you, I would just return the surplus and take the bonus. David Wallace david-wallace The what now? Michael michael Branch managers who come in under budget get 15% of the savings. David Wallace david-wallace ...Like a tip? [calculates amount] $645?! Michael michael I hate disappointing just one person. And I really hate disappointing everyone. But I love Burlington Coat Factory. You go in there with $645, you are literally a king. Michael michael [on the phone] We have that going out Tuesday... Okay? Sure, no, I can... I'll double-check that for you. Jim jim All right, attention everyone. Michael michael Let me call you right back. Okay. Jim jim I have made my decision. We do not need a new copier. We do not need new chairs. This copier... is... [puts paper on glass and makes a copy, then takes paper from glass] working perfectly. Michael michael That's the original. Oscar oscar Pam, would you stand up for a sec? [sits in Pam's chair] Hmm. See how relaxed I am? I like this chair. [slowly sinking into the chair] Offers good support, it is urkelnomically correct... it's a good chair. I think we're spoiled because we don't appreciate the things that we have. You think kids in Africa have chairs? No. They sit in big piles of garbage. You think they have copiers? [the chair has slowly lowered itself almost to where Michael is not visible over the desk] They don't have copiers. They don't even- [struggles to get up from Pam's chair] Gah! They don't even have paper. And we are spoiled because we throw out perfectly good tiramisu because it has a little tiny hair on it. My point I this: I have seen the light in terms of what we need, and it is nothing. Michael michael Do you know? Oscar oscar Do I know what? Michael michael I think you know. Oscar oscar Mm, no... Michael michael Know what? Phyllis phyllis Yeah, know what? Pam pam Does anyone happen to know what 15% of 4300 is? Oscar oscar $645. Michael michael Michael's a genius. Kevin kevin Right. Michael michael Why'd you say dollars? Oscar oscar Because that is how my mind works. Michael michael What's 15% of 200? [Michael doesn't answer] Thank you. Everyone, Michael is returning the surplus so he can keep 15% as a bonus. Oscar oscar Wait, what? Jim jim You can do that? Pam pam Hey Michael, what's 394 times 5,912? Kevin kevin Let's see... Michael michael You're gonna give yourself a bonus of $645 instead of getting the entire office something it really needs? Pam pam I don't need $645; I already have $645, more or less. Michael michael You're gonna get us a copier then? Oscar oscar This is so stupid. Michael michael Or chairs? Pam pam This is so, so stupid. And, God... [looks at his watch] that's my phone. Michael michael I didn't hear a phone. Stanley stanley To be continued! Michael michael No, I don't-this doesn't change anything. I have a very important decision to make. We need a new copier. We need new chairs. And I need to figure out a way to keep this money without having everybody hate me. Michael michael Hey Tuna, check it out. Tuna sandwich. Just like you. [Angela walks over to Andy] What- Andy andy [kisses Andy passionately in his chair] Now, I have to take care of a legal issue. Angela angela Was that hot or what? Andy andy So what's it gonna be? Pam pam Michael, you have to make a decision. The day is almost done. Oscar oscar Let me just say, you've been promising me this chair since the day you hired me. Pam pam You are a smart guy. I know you'll do the right thing. Oscar oscar [groans in frustration] You think it's easy? Michael michael It's your job. Stanley stanley Okay, you know what? Why don't you guys deal with it? I am going to get up, and I am going to be out in the common area. But you need to decide; otherwise I'm taking the bonus. All right? Michael michael It is a classic management tactic. You have two sides, a deadline, you know that neither of them are gonna concede. What you do is you put 'em in a room, and you just- [Pam and Oscar come to the door of kitchen] Hey. Michael michael Hey. Pam pam Hey, we're going with the chairs. Oscar oscar What? Michael michael I just figured I'd rather have new chairs than nothing at all. Oscar oscar Thanks Michael. Pam pam Good work. I'm proud of you. [Pam and Oscar leave] Mother- Michael michael [wearing a fur coat] What did we learn this week? Well, one, thanks to me, my team is much, much faster at coming to decisions than I thought they would be. Number two, never buy a fur coat with a credit card until you absolutely have the money to pay for it. And three, [camera zooms out to see fake blood is splattered on the fur coat] you should know that some people think it's cool to throw buckets of fake blood on you as you are walking out of Burlington Coat Factory. Michael michael Truce? Jim jim Yeah, I guess, since I won. Pam pam Yeah, you did win. You did win. Anyway, I'm going to need three copies of each of these, stapled and collated. [begins to walk away, then turns back] Totally kidding. [leans in, whispers] I'm gonna need four. [kisses Pam] Jim jim