Did you know that in Morocco it is common to exchange a small gift when meeting somebody for the first time? In Japan you must always commit suicide to avoid embarrassment. In Italy you must always wash your hands after going to the bathroom. This is considered to be polite. Michael michael Why are you telling us this? Jim jim I am jetting off on an international business trip. Michael michael Where are you going? Jim jim To Can-A-da. Michael michael Where is it? Jim jim Canada. Michael michael Okay. Jim jim My boss is sending me abroad to do a presentation to an international client and I have always been intrigued by all things international. The women, the pancakes, the man of mystery... Michael michael Meredith, I would like you to pretend that you are from Abu Dhabi. Michael michael [British accent] Hello. Meredith meredith I am ashamed at your naked face. I must cover it with my jacket. [covers Meredith's face with his jacket] You are now sexy in your culture. Michael michael T minus... Kevin kevin Six point five days. [winces as Kevin smacks him on the back] Jim jim [walks up behind Jim and puts his hands on his shoulders] One more week. Creed creed Pam comes back from New York next week and everyone here has just been so excited for me. And involved. And intrusive. And weird. Jim jim On more week. [chuckles] Phyllis phyllis Heh heh. [Jim gives camera an odd look] Stanley stanley [on speakerphone] Do you have your passport? David Wallace david-wallace I have my passport. [pats jacket pocket] Michael michael Got your per diem? David Wallace david-wallace I have my per diem. [holds up money] I already know what I am going to spend this on. I am going to buy a sweater. Michael michael Michael, the... that's for your food. David Wallace david-wallace Well I'll just... I'll use different money for that. Michael michael I was happy to send Michael on this trip. He's been feeling pretty down since we had to transfer Holly up to New Hampshire. But this little perk really seemed to turn him around. [chuckling] And it's pretty tough to find somebody who wants to go up to Winnipeg mid-November. David Wallace david-wallace And business class air, like a five-star hotel in the sky, nothing but the best. Actually better than a five-star hotel 'cause you get a big, cushy seat and you sit in a row of people and to eat, whatever the mind can imagine. I think I am going to have a filet with mushroom sauce. Michael michael Well, I'm just glad to know you're happy because you know I felt bad. David Wallace david-wallace Well that is all in the past. Michael michael And in terms of nightlife, when you get there just ask the concierge. David Wallace david-wallace They have one of those? Michael michael [in a singsong voice] Lets do this! Michael michael Wait, why do you need three suitcases? Dwight dwight Two are for souvenirs. Michael michael Do you have your money belt? Dwight dwight I do. It's right here. [indicates to waist] Michael michael No, no, no, no, no. You want to wear that puppy right up on the breastbone like a bra. [demonstrates] Dwight dwight No, I don't want to wear a bra. Michael michael Here, let me help you. [reaches for Michael's money belt] Dwight dwight Stop it! Stop it! Michael michael Do you want to get robbed in a foreign country? I wash my hands of this. Dwight dwight Okay. Where is my translator? Michael michael Monsieur. Andy andy There he is. Michael michael I'm just bidding a bon voyage a La Mon Petit fiancee. Translation: Andy andy [on airplane] Welcome to Cribs-the business class edition. Check this out. Mimosa. Michael michael Ah... sweet! Andy andy Handed to me as I sat down. This was my hot towel. It is still wet. Michael michael Michael Gary Scott rolling like a pimp! Andy andy Take a sip of that. [hands Andy his mimosa] Michael michael Mmmhmmm... Andy andy That good? Michael michael Mmmm... Andy andy Don't drink all of it. Give some to Oscar. Michael michael That's really good. [offers mimosa to Oscar] Andy andy I'm good. Oscar oscar You want one of your own? I can hook you up. Michael michael I'm sorry. You'll need to keep moving. Stewardess stewardess Yes, this is Beth. This is my personal valet/flight attendant and she will be helping me this morning. Michael michael We need to keep the isle clear. Beth beth Yes... Michael michael Oh... Andy andy Get back, get back. Come on, get back to the slums. Michael michael Oh boy. [follows Oscar back to coach] Andy andy [whisper] Hey... guys, check it out. My own personal DVD player and 20 movies. Michael michael [whispers] Andy brought one too. Oscar oscar [loudly] Harry and the Henderson's Andy andy Shhhh! Keep it down. Michael michael I made egg salad sandwiches. Do you want one? [holds up sandwich] Oscar oscar Could you have picked something stinkier to bring on a plane? [Andy laughs] My God, Oscar. Really? Do you have a bag of baby poop in there too, to share with everybody? No, I will be ordering my own food, thank you very much. Michael michael [to stewardess] Hi. Michael michael Hi. Beth beth Um. I'd like to see a menu please. Michael michael Oh, I'm sorry. There are no meals on flights less than two hours. Beth beth Oh... okay. [looks back at Andy and Oscar] Doesn't matter, because I am going to take a nap. I think I am going to use my complimentary blindfold. I will don it... and oh! Look at that. I can't see because I am in a- [cart crashes into Michael's leg] GAH! Michael michael What would you like to drink? Beth beth [walks into Kelly's cubicle and sets a box down on the desk] Just checking out where I'm going to be pretty soon. When Pam gets back. Gonna be close quarters. Gonna be a lot of tension. Ryan ryan For you. I'm with Darryl. Kelly kelly This looks like where I'll probably do my pushups every day. [gets on floor and starts doing pushups] Ryan ryan Is that supposed to impress me? [Ryan starts trying to do one-armed pushups] Kelly kelly [talking head] No. Not going to happen. He has hurt me too much and too often. And I am in a healthy relationship so I'm not gonna flaunt it and I'm not gonna hurt him, but that door is closed. Kelly kelly [making out with Ryan on her desk] What are we doing? This is so wrong. Kelly kelly Yeah... Mmmmm... Ryan ryan [going up escalator in the hotel] This is nice. This is nice. Move in here. Very sweet... ah. Michael michael I'll check us in. Oscar oscar Alright. Michael michael Very cool. Andy andy Very cool. Michael michael We are going to find out where the action is, my friend. Andy andy Okay. Michael michael Where's the concierge? Andy andy Yes! Wallace said there would be one of those. Michael michael Mmm... bingo! [indicates towards concierge desk] Follow moi, bro-sieur. Andy andy Wow! Michael michael [to concierge] What about a nice sushi place? Maybe a place with a view? Andy andy Tsk... Oh. Matsuki. That's a good one. Uh, you may walk there if you wish or you man take the number seventeen bus until 9:00. Other than that you can take the taxi and the number is right there. Concierge Marie concierge-marie Wow! Wow, I am blown away by this. I, um... I-ah! This is great, thank you! Michael michael One final question. Where might you find yourself on a Winnipeg night like tonight? Andy andy Oh, the Huntsman is good. Concierge Marie concierge-marie [nodding towards Michael] The Huntsman. Andy andy Down here... the financial district. Concierge Marie concierge-marie A concierge is like the Winnipeg equivalent of a geisha. This is a woman who has been trained in the fine art of fanciness and pleasure. And when you meet one, it is intoxicating. Just what the doctor ordered. Michael michael [at school in NYC] Can't believe this. [pulls out cell phone... sighs] Pam pam [in office] Are you sure? Jim jim [over the phone] I just talked to my advisor. Failing. Pam pam Wow. I thought you were good at Flash. Jim jim I was, and then they switched to Acrobat just as I was learning Quark. I hate computers. Pam pam Okay, okay, it's no big deal. So you're not a computer geek. Jim jim I have to stay and retake it. Pam pam [looks shocked] W--Wow. Um. Well... okay. Jim jim That means another twelve weeks. [pause] Can you do this for another three months? Pam pam It's not-- It's not about me. I mean, this your dream. Jim jim [over phone] I know. Pam pam And you went to New York to do this. So when you come back you come back the right way. Right? Jim jim [starting to cry] Right. Pam pam [concerned look on face] You okay? Jim jim [over phone] Yeah I'm fine. Um... my cell phone battery's low, so I have to let you go. Pam pam Okay. Jim jim Alright. Pam pam Alright. Jim jim [over phone] Love you. Bye. Pam pam Love you too. [hangs up phone, Pam sits on a bench crying] Jim jim Guys, she's in there. Michael michael Engaging wings [imitates mechanical sound] Andy andy I'm probably going to leave after one drink. Oscar oscar Let's do this. Michael michael Yeah with a hot slab of Canadian bacon in your hand. Andy andy [goes up to concierge from the hotel] Excuse me, hello. Concierge Marie. Michael Scott. Good to see you again. Michael michael Good to see you. Concierge Marie concierge-marie Um, this is my associate uh, from Dunder Mifflin, uh, Oscar Martinez. Michael michael Nice to meet you. [shakes Marie's hand] Oscar oscar Oscar. Concierge Marie concierge-marie Works in accounting. This is uh, concierge Marie... Michael michael Yes. Oscar oscar ...who works at our hotel. You look, how do you say, radiant tonight. Michael michael Thank you. Concierge Marie concierge-marie And it is, how do you say, a beautiful night-- Michael michael Michael, why? Oscar oscar She's foreign. I am- Michael michael For Madame et monsieur. [hands Michael and Marie a glass of wine] Andy andy Oh, thank you. Michael michael You're welcome. Andy andy Thank you, Andy. Michael michael Thank you? Concierge Marie concierge-marie Let me get a picture of you guys. Andy andy Everyone is going to end up dying someday. And I think it's better to die with people you like... like Oscar, and Andy, and concierge Marie... than to know that there's somebody out there that you love that you're not with. Michael michael Alright, I've scoped out the joint. Those two dudes are as good as naked. Andy andy How do you even know they're gay? Oscar oscar Come on! It's Dandy Dale and Foppy McGee over there. [turns to bartender] Mademoiselle! Beer me dos Long Island iced teas s'ill vous plait. [to Oscar] Bad decision in a glass. Andy andy I don't care if you're gay, straight, engaged... whatever. A guy needs intercourse. Andy andy You'll thank me when they spank thee. Andy andy Don't do this. [watches Andy take drinks to the other table] Oscar oscar Do you guys like apples? Andy andy What? Guy at Table guy-at-table Do you like apples? Andy andy Uh, sorry... what? Guy at Table guy-at-table Well, how do you like these apples? [sets drinks on table] Alright, on a scale of 1 - 10, how hot is that dude? [indicates towards Oscar who waves slightly] Andy andy Is he your boyfriend or something? Guy at Table guy-at-table No, but he could be yours if you play your cards right. Andy andy Dude, leave us alone alright? Guy guy Gentleman. [walks away] Andy andy What are you doing? Oscar oscar Dude, you struck out. They're totally stuck up. Here... drink up. Andy andy How about this one? It's Christmas eve-- Michael michael Mmm-hmmm... Concierge Marie concierge-marie --and everything's closed and you need to get some dry cleaning done. 12:00 midnight. Where do you go? What do you do? What do you do? Come on! What do you do? Michael michael Uh...A stro cleaners on St. Johns place is the only place open on that day. Concierge Marie concierge-marie Unbelievable! Unbelievable. Michael michael If you don't mind me asking-- Oscar oscar Anything. You can ask me anything. Andy andy Okay. Oscar oscar I'm your wingman. Andy andy Its just that I've sat next to Angela for a very long, very long time. Oscar oscar Right-o. Andy andy How could anyone stand that woman? Oscar oscar What? Andy andy What do you see in her? Wh -- what do you see in Angela? Oscar oscar What do I see in Angela? Andy andy I want to know. Oscar oscar I see through a hard exterior to a little jelly in the middle. She is teaching me to be a better person. And she's working really hard on that. And she has the softest skin I've ever seen and I can't wait to have sex with her. Andy andy You haven't had sex? Oscar oscar No. Andy andy Y-Are you guys waiting to get married, or? Oscar oscar Honestly, I don't know what we're waiting for. Andy andy Andy, something is wrong with that woman. Oscar oscar What is wrong with her? Andy andy I'd like to know. You should call her and ask her. I'd like to know what's wrong with her. Oscar oscar I should call her and ask her. What is wrong with her? Andy andy Do it! It's a-- Call her! [Andy holds up phone] Oh my God, don't call her! Don't call her, Andy. [giggling] Andy, don't call her! Oscar oscar Too late, too late. It's dialing... now it's ringing. [Oscar laughs] Shh... Andy andy [on phone] Hello? Hello? Angela angela What is wrong with you? Andy andy Why won't you do Andy? Oscar oscar What? Angela angela That was Oscar and he wants to know why you won't do me and I think it's a valid question. Andy andy Are you drunk? Angela angela This is Andy Bernard! Andy andy I know who this is! Angela angela I wanna take you to sex school. Andy andy What? Angela angela [over phone] Who is that monkey? Dwight dwight Is somebody there? Andy andy Are you drunk? Angela angela I have needs. Andy andy We will discuss this later. Angela angela Naked. Andy andy What? Angela angela We'll discuss it later naked. I want to see you naked. Andy andy [standing outside hotel room... whispering] Do you want to get some breakfast or something? Michael michael I am so tired. Concierge Marie concierge-marie Okay. Michael michael [noticing that everyone is giving him a sympathetic look] How does everyone know already? Jim jim Know what? Dwight dwight Pam failed art school. Meredith meredith Oh, well, doesn't surprise me. Dwight dwight Excuse me? Jim jim Have you seen her painting, Jim? The building? There are shadows coming from two different directions. Dwight dwight Dwight, stop it. Phyllis phyllis Dwight. Stanley stanley What? Are there two suns? Dwight dwight Come on. Meredith meredith Oh my God. Stanley stanley Last I checked, that's not an office building in the Andromeda galaxy. Dwight dwight I'm gonna grab a cup of coffee. Jim jim It's totally unrealistic. There are no lines in the parking lot. Dwight dwight Oscar Andy andy Hey. Oscar oscar That was fun last night. Andy andy Yeah, it was. Oscar oscar You know, it's true what they say-- Long Island iced teas are way stronger in Canada. Andy andy Hey, um... thanks for trying to hook me up. Oscar oscar You kidding me? It's what I do. Get the whole nine 'nards. [Oscar laughs] Andy andy I can't believe we called her up. [both laugh] Oscar oscar Totally. [continues laughing] What-- Who? Andy andy I'm talking about Angela. I can't believe we called her up last night. Oscar oscar We called Angela? Andy andy You-- you call-- you called her. Oscar oscar That was real?! I thought I dreamed that. Oh, God! Andy andy Alright. Oscar oscar Oh, God! Andy andy Okay. Oscar oscar So bad! Andy andy Good morning, Michael. [Michael approaches table] Are you ready for the meeting? Oscar oscar Slept like a baby. Michael michael Mmmm.... mmm. This can't happen again. Kelly kelly This has to happen again. Darryl can't happen again. Look at me. Do you want me to do more push-ups? Ryan ryan Yeah. Kelly kelly Okay. You have to break up with Darryl. I already typed out a text message for you. All you have to do is press "send". Ryan ryan I don't know. I mean, it's well-written and all, I just-- Kelly kelly Has to be done. We'll press send together. [phone beeps] Ryan ryan Oh my God. He's going to kill us. Kelly kelly I'd like to see him try. [kisses Kelly... cell phone beeps] Ryan ryan Oh! He says it's cool. [laughs] He said, "It's cool". Kelly kelly That's all he wrote? Ryan ryan That's all he wrote. Kelly kelly Can I see it? Ryan ryan Mmm hmm. Kelly kelly Didn't you two date for like a long time? Ryan ryan Mmm hmm. It's like a fairy tale! [grabs Ryan and kisses him] Mmmm... Kelly kelly I'll be honest with you-- we've been talking with Catalyst Paper. Their prices are better than yours. Client client Look, people continue to come back to us time and time again because they feel cared for here. They feel respected and they feel that their needs matter. They are treated like human beings. [sighs] Michael michael Everything okay? Client client Yes. Michael michael Oh man, she is so pissed. [sitting down by Oscar] Andy andy Mmm... Oscar oscar She's taking us back to first base. Andy andy What is first base with Angela? Oscar oscar I get to kiss her forehead. [looks at Oscar] I had a good time hanging out this weekend. Andy andy I had a good time too. Oscar oscar Wingman for life. W.M.F.L Andy andy Thank you. Oscar oscar You up for a chest bump? Andy andy No. Oscar oscar Bro hug? [Oscar shakes head... then sticks his hand out and Andy shakes it] Back to basics. I like it. Andy andy I had to go all the way to Canada to get to know a guy who sits 20 feet away from me. And he's delightful! [laughs] Andy andy [on phone] Hey! I just heard you guys made the sale. David Wallace david-wallace Yeah, we locked him up for two years. Michael michael Good, very good. See, told you. Sounds like somebody had a good trip. David Wallace david-wallace No. Actually the trip sucked. Michael michael Excuse me? David Wallace david-wallace The trip sucked, David. It blew chunks. It was terrible. It was a bad trip. Michael michael What are you talking about? David Wallace david-wallace I did not like the trip. Well, starting with her airport shuttle which was basically just a van. Michael michael Okay. David Wallace david-wallace And business class which was basically just coach. And the hotel which sucked big time. Michael michael The hotel? What, M-- okay. David Wallace david-wallace It was not, it sucked. Michael michael I'm sorry to hear the hotel was bad. David Wallace david-wallace Oh and thanks for the tip on the concerige. That was great. That was great. That was-- that was a-- Michael michael Okay, okay. Hey, hey, hey. David Wallace david-wallace That was a really good choice. Michael michael Michael, please lets listen for a second. David Wallace david-wallace No, David. You listen to me. Why did you send her away? That-- God. You knew I liked her and you just sent her away. And that-- that was a sucky thing to do man. Michael michael Michael, sometimes-- David Wallace david-wallace That was a really sucky thing to do. Michael michael Sometimes, we- [Michael hangs up phone] David Wallace david-wallace Why have I stayed at Dunder Mifflin for so long? Certainly not because of the paycheck. 'Cause I could be making more money as a doctor or a professional athlete. I think it's because they respect me. A boss that will not fire you, even though you just tell him off... right to his face... over the hone. That's respect. Michael michael You did it, man. [fist bumps Jim] Day one. Congrats. Kevin kevin Thanks man. Jim jim I'm coming back the wrong way. [smiles at Jim across the parking lot] It's not because of you. I don't like graphic design. That's it. [laughs] Stop smiling. I really didn't like it. It's just designing logos and stuff.... and I miss Scranton. But it is not because I missed you. I just really wanted to come home... and I know you said to come home the right way, but you can't tell me what to do. Got it? Pam pam I missed you. Jim jim I missed you too. [Jim kisses her] Pam pam You're back. Dwight dwight Uh, yeah. Pam pam Good. I need you to make five copies of these. [hands Pam papers] Dwight dwight I'm not going inside. Pam pam Alright. First thing in the morning then. Dwight dwight Welcome back. Jim jim We're back together again baby. Kelly kelly We're back. Ryan ryan They tried to keep us apart, but they couldnt. It was like destiny. Kelly kelly I-- I realized that for whatever reason I... just couldn't do better than kelly. Ryan ryan Oh! Kelly kelly [whispers] Yeah. Ryan ryan