[to Gabe] They caught the Scranton Stranger, they trapped him in his house. [run to conference room, everyone is watching the news on a monitor] Erin erin Police have now surrounded the apartment complex. Reporter reporter [whispering to Pam] They have him surrounded. It's the SWAT. The SWAT's arriving. Michael michael It is unknown if he is armed with anything. Reporter reporter They should do that thing where they play the really good music to get him to come out. Kevin kevin [sighs] They shouldn't televise any of this, it just encourages copy-cats. Dwight dwight Just say copies, why do you have to drag cats into this. Angela angela Okay, while this is interesting we should get back to work. These stand-offs can last a long time. What if it's another Waco. Gabe gabe It's pronounced wacko. Erin erin Some events are so news worthy, so historic, that you have to stop everything to watch. Balloon Boy, Michael Jackson's funeral. Things that if you didn't see them live, you wouldn't really care that you didn't see them at all. Jim jim Columbia Street in Washington Ave! When is he gonna come out? [phone rings, Kelly answers and hangs up] Kelly kelly I bet he's wishing he had a hybrid, right? Sixty miles to the gallon in the city. Andy andy No! I bet he's wishing he was strangling someone! Kevin kevin Ok, that's our street! That's our street! He's going down our street! [runs out of conference room.] Come on everybody! [all quickly follow] Michael michael [on sidewalk] There it is! I saw it! I saw it! He went right by! You missed it! [all groan] Michael michael [collecting pebbles off the street into a jar] Grandpa, where were you the day the the Scranton Strangler was caught? [old man voice] Well kiddo, I was there. I was there... And I'll tell you what. [shakes jar of pebbles] You go sell these and buy yourself a nice spaceship. Michael michael Michael! Erin erin Walk with me. Michael michael Gabe and I are having a party, and everyone's invited, and it's at his house apartment and we're gonna watch Glee. Erin erin [obviously faking being serious the whole time] Glee? What is Glee, some television program? Jim I need that thing stat! Michael michael [confused] Okay? Jim jim Yeah it's a TV show... Erin erin Dwight! Sign please. I don't have time for parties I don't have time for TV shows. Stanley! What time is that thing I have to do? Michael michael I... Stanley stanley Cancel it! Are you still here? [to Erin] Michael michael Uhh. It's just that it's our first party together so... Erin erin MMM MMM MM MM MM! Did you hear what I said? I'm a very busy man. I don't have time for your TV show. Michael michael [sad] Okay, sorry. Erin erin I'm joking. Michael michael Wait which one? Erin erin I'm joking. I'm kidding around! I'm not actually angry. [Erin laughs] I'm not busy at all, I'm not doing anything. And I know what Glee is, I'm a total Gleek. Michael michael Good me too! Erin erin You know who my favorite character is? The invalid. [Jim makes a face] I am coming to your party. Michael michael I don't know if Michael likes Gabe that much, but there's this thing on Glee called mash-up, where two things that don't go together, make one great song. Take Gabe, take Michael, you make Gay Mike. Best friends. Erin erin [reacting to Erin's invitation] No really? Is there time to change this?! That show! Now first they say that Mr. Schu doesn't know anything about choreography, then like three episodes later he's this fantastic choreographer?! Pick a lane people! Kelly kelly And what was with Jesse's sudden turn on Rachel, between Dream-On and Funk. Where the heck did that come from?! Honestly that show, it's just. It's irresponsible. Kelly kelly Are you going? [to Dwight] Angela angela Not because I want to. With all the feeling to base a show around. Glee? Thirst. Now that's a show I'd watch. Dwight dwight I would watch that. Angela angela Tonight might be a convenient night for us to have some intercourse. Dwight dwight [to Erin] You're having a party at Gabe's apartment? Andy andy Mhmm! I'd love it if you were there. Erin erin You would? Andy andy You and Michael are always the life of the party! Erin erin Try and keep me from coming! Andy andy Why would I keep you from coming? Erin erin Try and hide it, I will track this party down! Andy andy Why would I hide it! [giggling] Erin erin Kevin! Michael michael Hey, you going tonight? Kevin kevin Yes, I am. Are you? Michael michael Yeah! You gotta go to the boss's party! Kevin kevin What? No Gabe is... Gabe is not the boss. Michael michael No he's not the boss. Kevin kevin Why did you just say he was the boss? Michael michael 'Cause, you're the boss! Kevin kevin Yeeee... Guys! Do you consider Gabe to be the boss? Michael michael [to Michael at Gabe's apartment] It's make your own pizza night. Isn't Gabe's place so nice? Erin erin Uh huh... Michael michael Look at the size of those wine glasses Michael! Erin erin Big... Michael michael Those posters used to be real French ads. Erin erin All right! Michael michael So these are your cheeses, your ham, your sausages, your herbs, and your vegetables. Here's what's been done, so start creating. Some times it helps to think of a part of the world, and... Gabe gabe [interrupting] Okay okay okay. Michael michael Gabe likes to entertain a lot, ad he cooks in an oven, and all that jazz. I just have a different life style. They have these bags of vegetables that steam right inside their own bag. So I'll get a few ingredients, sit down in front of the TV, a bag of vegetables, before you know it I'm ready for bed! Michael michael [tossing pizza dough in the air] Michael michael You don't really toss the dough. Gabe gabe Try and destroy the old ways, Gabe, well I will not let you. [throws pizza dough, hits the ceiling] Michael michael [walking with Jim and Pam] Welcome to my Man Cave! I did my senior year in prog in Japan. Best year of my life. Gabe gabe You play? [referring to keyboard] Jim jim Oh! I like to play soundscapes. I imagine one instant of a song, expanded to be the size of the universe. Gabe gabe You can't even do that. Jim jim [crying] Cece cece She's up! Great! Pam pam Cece, is reverse cycling, which means she sleeps all day and is up all night. Which basically means I'm up all day and I'm up all night. And if it doesn't stop soon, I am going to be up all night. Pam pam [peeking into various rooms] The show's starting. The show's starting! The show's starting! Show's starting! [Glee begins as all get nearby to watch] Erin erin [to Kelly] Who's that? Phyllis phyllis Finn. Kelly kelly Who's that? Phyllis phyllis Rachel. Kelly kelly Which one's Glee? Phyllis phyllis You have to stop. Kelly kelly Where's Michael? Where's Michael? We can't start without Michael! Oh here he is! Ohhhh. Yayyy, and let the show begin! [turning up volume] Michael michael [takes remote] It's a little loud... Gabe gabe Actually I think it's not loud enough. May I? Thank you sah! [takes remote, raises volume] There we go. Glee right? Rock and roll! Turn it up to elevaan! Spinal Cord! Michael michael [lowers volum] Some of us are trying to have a conversation. Gabe gabe Well some of us are trying to have a... Michael michael I'll just turn the captions on. Gabe gabe [grabs different remote from the table] Well I will turn up the volume. Michael michael That's for the other box. Gabe gabe Okay... Heeeere's what we're gonna do! Right down the hall is a bed room. All the real Glee fans are gonna go down the hall to the real Glee party in the bedroom, follow me! Where we can crank it! Michael michael [noise on TV, Oscar pauses show] That one! She's been in a couple episodes of Friday Night... Oscar oscar You know what? I'm so confused. Is this a Glee watching party? Or a Glee pausing party? 'Cause we keep stopping it, to get a history lesson from... Kelly kelly You know what? I didn't read the rules, I didn't know the rules. There, it's on. I didn't read the rule book. Oscar oscar [enters on Michael alone sitting on a bed watching Glee] Michael? Maybe you should try gong in the other room again. You can have my seat. It's closer to the TV. It'll seem louder. Pam pam Pam I have a loaded gun in my desk at work. If I ever start acting like that weenie Gabe I want you to take that gun, and I want you to shoot me like a hundred times in the groin until I'm dead. Okay? Michael michael You have a gun in your desk? Pam pam [in Gabe's bedroom with Andy] Hey! Marantz Tubes Sterio. From the 1970's. I respect that. I respect that a lot. Oh hoho. The five Chinese Berilidy Herbs. No kidding. This is powdered seahorse. They say that fifteen Chinese soldiers fought off the entire army of Gangus Kong just using this stuff. You know what they say... Ryan ryan No what? Andy andy What is this, Samurai wood cuts? Yep. Pretty erotic. Ryan ryan Yeah. Andy andy [Pam in the background struggling with Cece] Better men than Gabe have tried to be my boss. David got fired. Charles got fired. Jan went crazy. Ed Truck, who I liked, got decapitated. Michael michael Michael, I find it absolutely disgraceful that no one followed you in here for your walk-out. I took the liberty of making a list of everyone who didn't follow you in here. Jim. Oscar. Creed. Me, at first. Dwight dwight Maybe I should go. Pam pam [continuing] Kelly. Kev- [to Pam] Are you gonna quiet that baby? Or do I have to? [Dwight grabs Cece and makes noises, Cece stops crying] In the Schrute family, the youngest child always raises the others. I've been raising children since I was a baby. Dwight dwight [to Andy] Take a shot. Darryl darryl Oh thanks. Andy andy Wow, so much Asia stuff. I wonder if there's a guy in China right now, looking at a bunch of our stuff. Darryl darryl Why does Erin like Gabe? Andy andy Andy look, all I know is that if I was a girl, and I had to choose between the tall dude who loved Asia, and the you looking dude who loves sweaters and wearing sweaters... I'd choose you. Darryl darryl That's really nice, thank you. Andy andy And I'd blow your mind. Darryl darryl [pours powdered seahorse into his wine glass] Andy andy [changes channel during commercial, sports scores appear on screen.] Jim jim Jim what are you doing? Oscar oscar Oh, it was commercial break so I just wanted to check the scores. Jim jim Flip it back please. Oscar oscar Okay... [changes back to Glee] Jim jim The show's back on, what happened? Kelly kelly We're behind. Ryan ryan Go to the recorded version. Oscar oscar Oh my God what song was that? Kelly kelly I wasn't recording it. Erin erin What?! Oscar oscar [texting] What song was it? Kelly kelly Wait, why do you have to record it? Erin erin This is why Erin! We're living it! Start recording now! Oscar oscar Jim. [Jim gives her the remote] Erin erin Okay, they did Blinded by the Light and they did it with an actual blind guy. Was it worth it Jim? [Jim leaves] 'Cause we missed it! Kelly kelly If I could get her sleeping normally I could get my life back. Pam pam That would be nice wouldn't it? Dwight dwight I can't even talk about it. Pam pam You know it's not really necessary for me to sit here holding her all night. Just go into Gabe's refrigerator, get a lump of suit, or any kind of congealed animal fat will do rally, tie a piece of string to it and the other end to her toe, put the suit in her mouth, she'll be happy for hours. Dwight dwight I kind of doubt Gabe has suit. Pam pam Really? Oh... Then here we are. Dwight dwight Michael. Gabe is making the pigs in a blanket, and he kind of needs some [Dwight shushes her] help so, [Erin whispering] he was wondering if you could help him. [Michael goes with Erin] Erin erin [enters room where Phyllis is pouring wine, using stadium announcer voice] Ladies and gentlemen please welcome, Phyllis Vance! [sniffs her] Isn't that White Diamonds Maya Smith Taylor? Andy andy You know your perfumes! Phyllis phyllis My nanny used to wear that. Andy andy I just ate powdered seahorse! I have to admit I did not think it was gonna work, but it is totally working! [clip of him doing pull ups in Gabe's doorway] I feel exactly like a seahorse! [Seahorse impression] Blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub. Andy andy Look who I found! [points to Michael] Erin erin Yeah, well I wasn't very hard to find. Michael michael Let's go ahead and wash our hands. Gabe gabe Is this the same dough you used for the pizza crust? Michael michael Yep! Waste not right? Gabe gabe So these are pizza dogs, they aren't pigs in a blanket per se. Michael michael Michael knows everything there is to know about snacks, Erin erin Well... Michael michael Gabe was born in 1982. He was the longest baby in the hospital. Erin erin He's the longest baby in this room. Michael michael What's the longest thing you've ever seen? [Michael chuckles] For me it was the tale from Jets. Erin erin Erin you don't have to... Gabe gabe You know what Erin you do have to. Michael michael Michael! You are making this harder than it has to be. Gabe gabe [grimacing] That's what she said. [leaves] Michael michael [whispering] Hey. Jim jim It's a miracle. She loves him. Pam pam I don't know about, love... Jim jim She loves me. Dwight dwight [whispers in Dwight's ear] Outside my car in two minutes. Angela angela Well something's come up, I have to go. Dwight dwight No no no no no! She'll wake up! Pam pam I have something to do. Dwight dwight Look, I know what you have to do, please stay with Cece. Dwight? I've always considered for us to be very good friends. Great friends! Remember your concussion? Pam pam I do. But you married my worst enemy. Dwight dwight Well I think enemy's a strong word. 'Cause I think we have a really charming back and forth. And- Jim jim Enough. I will require beer and pizza to think this over. Dwight dwight Absolutely! [starts out] Pam pam From Jim. Dwight dwight I don't think that's gonna... Jim jim Do it! Pam pam What kind of pizza would you like? Jim jim Surprise me. No! Pepperoni. Dwight dwight [outside opening Gabe's cable hookup box] Okay... Alright. Michael michael And the winner is, by two votes- [TV goes blank] TV tv Ahhh! What's going on?!?! Kelly kelly [muttering going on all around, Andy looks sick] Hey Creed, would you read Chinese? Andy andy Beleniege! Creed creed What does this say? Andy andy HI mahhhh. Boo yowww. Gunjo! Ooh uncow! Creed creed [confused, rushes out of the room to the room Erin's in, picks up phone, talking fast] Hello UPS! Still waiting on that five minutes with Erin order. Oh never mind it's here. Oh if it isn't the bell of the ball! [queasily] You throw a lovely party ma lady... Andy andy [concerned] Are you having a good time? Erin erin Did you wear my favorite outfit on purpose? Andy andy Andy you look awful! Erin erin You're four seasons in a day. [heaves] You... got the Autumn thing going on. But if you put on ba- [heaves again] Put if you put on a blue... [stops, is struggling] It's Spring Time in the Rockies! Andy andy Are you alright? Erin erin No! [runs off] Andy andy [referring to the pizza Jim is offering him] Insert it in my mouth. Dwight dwight That's not gonna make your pizza eating experience any better. Trust me. Jim jim No, try me. Dwight dwight Jim, just don't think of it as degrading. Think of it as, you happen to be moving the six inches his way and he happens to be biting it. Pam pam I'd prefer for him to think of it as degrading. Dwight dwight Okay... [puts pizza into Dwight's mouth] Jim jim No. Crust first. [Jim turns the pizza around] Okay, now the beer. [Jim shakes his head no] Beer me Jim. [Jim quickly puts the beer into his face] Ssss. Gentle. [drinks the beer] Now I've gotta go meet Angela. Dwight dwight What no, wait! You said you were gonna help us! Pam pam I have a legal obligation to Angela. Okay, she needs to be serviced. Dwight dwight You need to stop talking. Jim jim Oh come on, stop the fake prissy act. We're in the real world. Sex contracts exist! Dwight dwight Okay fine! There must be some way to get out of it. Even just for tonight! Pam pam Yeah sure, Jim could go see her. Dwight dwight [unbelievingly] Okay... Jim jim You ever been with the blondes before? It's the big leagues. Dwight dwight I'm going home, and I'm taking my baby with me. Jim jim No no no, don't. I will go talk to Angela. Pam pam She's in heat. She will eat your face off! Dwight dwight The reverse cycling ends tonight! [Pam leaves] Pam pam [to Jim] A single piece of pepperoni please. Dwight dwight I'm not gonna- [cuts himself off, Kevin walks in] Jim jim What are you doing? Dwight dwight [getting under the bed covers] I wanted to eat a pig in a blanket, in a blanket! Kevin kevin [throws up on bed] Puts pillow in front of the puke. Andy andy Are you alright? Phyllis phyllis Erin likes Gabe. Andy andy I know. I thought you two were nice together. Phyllis phyllis Do you think that they've ever... Andy andy Made love? I don't know. Phyllis phyllis Well girls tell each other things right? Andy andy I'll see what I can find out. Phyllis phyllis [Michael walks into disarray of people's reactions to the TV going out] Where you been? Darryl darryl I just went out for a walk. Michael michael Cable's out. Darryl darryl What? Really? That stinks! Michael michael It's still on upstairs. Gabe gabe What does that mean? Party's over? Everybody leaves? Are you sure? Michael michael [receiving message on his phone] Hey! Puck and Finn worked it out, and the solo is now a duet. Creed creed Are you kidding me? Michael michael No. Creed creed Now that's going on? Michael michael I can't believe we're missing that! Kevin kevin Boy I wish I could see that. You know what? I have an idea. I don't know if it's gonna work, but let me give it this. Okay, I'm gonna give it shot. [hurries out] Michael michael Please Michael, just make the Glee happen! Kevin kevin Good luck Michael! Kelly kelly Erin! Uhm, so how long have you two been going out now? Phyllis phyllis Oh, uhm, like three months. Erin erin And I imagine things are starting to heat up? Phyllis phyllis I don't know. Erin erin Of course you don't wanna rush things! I mean the anticipation can be so exquisite. Bob and I took our time. The first time we saw each other naked we didn't even make love, we just stared at each other until we fell asleep. It was magical. Phyllis phyllis [awkwardly] I have to go Phyllis. Erin erin Magical... Phyllis phyllis [knocking on Angela's car window, Angela is naked inside] Hey in there. It's Pam. It's not Dwight! Don't think it's Dwight! Pam pam What are you doing here? Angela angela I know you and Dwight have this weird deal, uhm, he sent me out here to see if you could postpone. Pam pam Are you authorized to do this? Angela angela Yes! I have been so authorized. Pam pam Ok, uhm, then tell him that we'll do this tomorrow night instead. Angela angela Okay. Pam pam Wait Pam! How did he seem? Like, you know, did he seem disappointed? Angela angela You know, there are a lot of guys out there who would just love and appreciate a- Pam pam You know what Pam just save it. Angela angela [Michael is outside fixing the cable box] You did this? Erin erin No I was just check- Yeah. Yes I did, yeah yeah. Michael michael Why don't you like him? Erin erin What is there to like? He's just, he's a weird little skeevy guy with no waist, why do you care whether we like him or not? Michael michael I care if you like him. Erin erin Why? I'm not your father. [Erin looks sad] All right. Michael michael Okay... Erin erin Go to your room. Michael michael What? [confused] Erin erin Go to your room young lady! Michael michael [slowly getting it] Uhm, I'm not going to my room. Erin erin You listen to me. You listen good. You are are not, to see that boy, anymore. Michael michael You listen to me. You are not to tell me what to do. Erin erin As long as you are living under this roof you are going to do what I say. Michael michael I hate your roof! Erin erin Oh do not raise your voice to me! Michael michael I'll raise it how I want! I'll raise the roof! Erin erin Gahh, I will pull this car over! Michael michael I hate it! I hate your car! Erin erin See ya Oscar! [Oscar leaves] Gabe gabe [enters, looks to Gabe] If you break that girl's heart, I will kill you. It's just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl's heart I will literally kill you and your entire family. Michael michael Gabe, just go and have fun with Erin. But not too much fun! That girl's gonna turn my hair gray. Michael michael [Andy is leaning over toilet] What happened? Gabe gabe I accidentally ate some seahorses. Andy andy How much? Gabe gabe I didn't know it's powdered, so like four or five, I don't know. Andy andy I've got just the thing! [leaves, comes back with a synthesizer] This one's called Earth Rise, on the Moon. [music plays] Gabe gabe That's so beautiful. Andy andy